2004

30
Aug
I’m Thankful…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Anxiety
Today’s Horoscope
You’ve been mulling something over lately — trying to make a decision without letting anyone know what’s going on. Take time alone to put the finishing touches on the announcement. Consider all your options, not just the one that seems most obvious. This is the kind of day when you’ll simply have to weigh all the alternatives and carefully choose the most sensible scheme, not the most unusual. This is not the time to do anything completely new and different. Allow for incongruities and frustrations since the stars are making things unclear. Don’t feel discouraged if you are unable to stick with your initial plans. Practice flexibility — select one plan and one plan only. With right action you’ll be freed from any confusion.

Wow, pretty damn close today. I read a 14th century samuria poem the other day and it said,
“I have no miracles: I make right-action my miracles.”
it was the one line that jumped out at me and stuck with me for the rest of the day. I have been asking for help from God with things in my life right now. I expect because I am a good person that good will come to me. I believe because I am honest that people will always be honest with me. I believe if you treat people right, they will do the same…but it doesn’t work out that way. I know my blessings and I give thanks for them.
Thank you Lord for my children. Thank you above all that they are healthy. Nothing else matters except that they are healthy and happy.
Thank you for my family.
Thank you for my sister who loves me more than I will ever know.
Thank you for my mother who is my everything.
Thank you for my true friends.
Thank you for those wonderful people you have put into my life that support me and love me. Thank you for Lisa & [name removed per request] & Jessie. They are my rocks.
Thank you for my Zachie who can always make me feel better by saying, “I love you baby girl.” I am thankful for Shaun. I might not be able to handle all that he is, but I love him.
I am thankful for the Tree.I am thankful for the lessons I have learned. Those lessons help light the path in front of me.I am thankful for Hope. Without it, I wouldn’t be here. I know that miracles are not just going to happen for me. I do believe that if I keep doing right, I can still hold on to Hope.


29
Aug
Rumi Sunday
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Anxiety
A night full of talking that hurts, my worst held-back secrets. Everything has to do with loving and not loving. This night will pass. Then we have work to do. ~rumi

Sometimes when things start to get weird in my life, I turn to my stones and Rumi. They understand me. This isn’t something I share with a lot of people because of the lack of understanding. I don’t need another reason for people to think that I’m weird. Anyway, i was looking for a poem from Essential Rumi this morning that describes what I am feeling, but I couldn’t find it. The poem has to do with really thinking about what you want before you ask for it. It talks about trying to do something and it always backfires and then the end of the poem he ends up really hurting himself and he says, “I should be watchful for what I wish for.”

Elliot Richards : I wish that I were the most sensitive man in the world.
The Devil : [Smiling] Okay, good…
Elliot Richards : Oh, wait! I wish I were the most EMOTIONALLY sensitive man in the world. The Devil : Damn. I was hoping you wouldn’t catch that. I could’ve had a lot of fun with that one. ~Bedazzled

I wrote a letter to god the other day. I remembered to not mention what I wanted. I have asked Him for so many things in my life, and he has given them to me. It always turns out freakish and not what I asked for, but then again…it was. I wanted someone that could help me grow as a person and he gave it to me. It was too muchI wanted someone that didn’t live in the clouds and he gave it to me…with strings.I asked for someone like me, who would love me for who I am and love the strange things that make me, Me. I asked for someone who had children and got along with the ex. I asked for someone to like my ex. I asked for someone that my kids would love and trust. Gave me that. I should be watchful of what I ask for.
9-14.2004
I’m struggling with the fact that my friend Jessica is moving. She has up and decided that she’s moving to *can’t name state because she’s moving because of a freak she dated and now he’s stalking her*. I can’t believe she’s actually leaving.
I have allergies.
I’m sneezing like a MF. I think this is Karma. I said once before in one of my journals that Karma is coming back and kicking my ass. I had no idea that all the bad karma in my life would come back at one certain time in my life. I thought the bad karma would spread itself out a bit. You know, maybe have bad parking karma a few times for that one time I cut someone off in a parking lot around Christmas, get a cold because I laughed at Dan for having allergies, get dumped for all the hearts I broke along the way. Oh hell no. I get the extreme bad Karma…and all RIGHT NOW. If you’re reading this and I have done you wrong at some point in your life…don’t worry, I’m paying for it in one way or another. Ironically I am getting exactly what I gave. I thought Karma had some sort of lesser degree when it came back. Nope.
I’m pissed.
I made this really cool journal blog. I deleted the wrong file and now it’s gone. I’m just never going to be happy with this page.
*sigh*
My computer is fixed.
In the process of putting all the stuff back on the computer I ran into some pictures and old writing. I got all sad. I found pictures from 1999 when I started my new life and I read some things I wrote about those times and I was fairly optimistic even though I was going through a rough time. I was following my bliss. I thought for sure I was doing the right thing and to hell with anyone that thought differently. I hurt so many people along the way. *note the karma paragraph* I found a picture that made me take a real hard look at my life. Once again I sit here with a million things going through my head and I realize…I should have went to work today

23
Oct
Don’t follow me, I’m lost too!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Anxiety, Shaun
It’s strange, but the weekends are starting to depress me.
I guess because on work days i’m up at 6 am and out the door by 6:15 am. No time to think about my life. I get home at 4:30 pm and my mom life kicks in. I try to go to bed early and I play “Bug’s Opera” until the Benedryl kicks in and then I pass out. It’s a no-thinking-about-my-life strategy.
This morning I woke up, and I’m laying there and I get all depressed. I have rationalized my personal life as to “this is what it is”. I’ve been dealing with it okay for awhile. I’m wondering how long it will last though.
Shaun and I broke up before he left to Missori with Tabitha. It seemed like the right thing to do at the time. Our personal life wasn’t what it should be anyway. We were more like friends than lovers.
While he was gone he ‘missed’ me. “missed” is the term he uses when he wants me to know that he has realized it’s been awhile since we’ve been intimate. He’s not directly telling me that he wants to, just that he ‘misses’ me. Anyway, he missed me while he was gone in Missori. I didn’t talk to him that much while he was gone. When he got back he told me that he was sorry for everything that had happened to our relationship and he wanted to make it work. We were okay for a couple of days after that because I believed that it would now be perfect.
I didn’t put too much stock in our rekindled romance because I had been burned by it before. I didn’t get as hurt this time when the intamacy didn’t continue.
I realized a week ago that it has been since he got back from Missori that we were intimate. It’s going on two months.
I don’t really care though. I built a wall before he left. I guess it’s still there. I don’t care if we do or don’t anymore.
I love him, don’t get me wrong. I feel like I am living with my best friend. I don’t want to live with anyone else. I would be sad if he were gone.
So why I am thinking about this now? His sister came over last night and said something, “Your boyfriend.” I laughed and repeated, “boyfriend”. I don’t really think of him as my ‘boyfriend’. it sounded so wrong to hear someone calling him that. He’s just my best friend that I sleep with at night. We don’t make love. We barely even kiss. I could have this relationship with anyone.

We are planning a vacation to Disneyland with the kids. We have never been anywhere outside of Reno and Marine world alone together. We went from dating to married for 25 years, in less than a year. I feel like I am 70 years old.


19
Oct
NYY vs BOS
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: kara, Random
yeah, I did it. I went back to work. It wasn’t so bad. A tree fell on a woman’s car today though. She’s a Bronco’s fan so it’s okay ;)

So it’s the 6th game of the series. Yankees 3 games – Boston 2. It’s looking like they might win and it will go into a 7th game. I guess this has never been done before.
I never really ‘watched’ baseball until this series. I’m starting to believe that me saying I was the reason the curse was going to be reversed, is actually coming true.

Kara has really been doing good studying her social studies.
She has a test next week that she’s going to be ready for. I’m very proud of her!


18
Oct
Lazy Sunday
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
Well, it was a lazy Sunday in my house.
The kids got home fairly early and I had dinner ready by 4:30pm. Tyler was loving the sound card. We downloaded the first season of Red Vs. Blue so he could catch up. I think we will watch season two tomorrow.

Jessica finally called me! I was SOOO happy! She’s doing good. It will be nice to tell people when they ask how she is doing, “She’s doing GREAT!” Talking to her made me miss her even more though.

My dad called me on Saturday to tell me how his appointment went. That was nice of him. I think he figured if he didn’t, I would call my brother and bitch him out.

A little boy was killed in Rocklin on Saturday. He’s the same age as my daughter. It freaked me out and made me sick to my stomache. All I could think about was, “What if this is one of Aly’s friends?” Then I found out more about the accident. It was a hit and run by a drunk driver at 1:30pm. Who the hell gets so damn drunk that early in the day that he hits a kid on bike (with the dad riding right in front of him) and drives home!? My god! It freaks me out to think that I let my kids walk that same street on the weekends so they can go to Robeks to get a smoothie. I’m not there watching them, protecting them. This father was riding his bike with his boy and it happened. I just hurt inside for the family and friends of this little boy.

I was trying to find the information on the news websites and I couldn’t find anything. I am really disappointed with the news stations here in Sacramento. The sites are impossible to search on or navigate through. Arg!

Okay, time for bed.

Kristine~your midnight poster


17
Oct
The New Online Home
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
Yes, I moved. Trying to update my own web journal was starting to be a big ol’ pain in the arse.
You can still find it on the main page: http://my.starstream.net/ohana/journal.html
It’s just the old writings, If I find time, I might try to find a way to move the old writings over here. No promises, i’m not that modivated.

I got a sound card. I have listended to all the old MP3′s I had stored on my computer. I also got a new printer today today! Yay. I am a printing fool now.

Shaun is going to the Raider game with Dan tomorrow. It’s going to be a crazy day in the ohana house tomorrow.

Well, I better go to sleep. I can’t keep staying up all night.

Kristine :)


12
Oct
he has a friend…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: friends, Shaun
Shaun got a call from his friend, Todd, this weekend.
They had been talking for quite sometime and Shaun was telling him about living here and how the kids are. He said that he was happy here and that *I* was awesome. He said “sure.” and handed me the phone. On the other end of the phone was a handsome sounding man. This handsome sounding man was to the point. “What do you love about Shaun?” I hate it when people ask me this question. I never get it right. I always say something stupid like, “He makes good chicken enchiladas.” I tried to explain it, but it didn’t come out right. I thought about that question all day. I had promised to send Todd an email with our home email address and the url to our website. I figured since I had more time to think about the question, I would send the answer in an email. This is what I sent.

Todd,
It was great talking to you today, sorry I was so scattered. I wasn’t prepared for questions :)
You asked why I love Shaun and I’ve been thinking about it all day. It’s a tough question because I can’t pin point one thing. Yeah, it was his humor that first got me. I’ve got that weird sense of humor too and it’s not very often that you find someone that not only gets your jokes, but beats you to the punch line.
I think it’s that he doesn’t give me everything all at once. He makes me work for things. I’m use to getting my way, and he gives it to me, but not without a fight first. I don’t feel like I’m bulldozing over him by having all the control. In the past I have always had full control of how far the relationship would go and how much I would let myself feel for someone. He worked his way in slowly and didn’t try to take control or make me feel threatened. He was my friend and didn’t push anything. He let me know how he felt about me so there was no question that if I wanted the friendship to go to another level it was welcomed.
We tried the relationship thing the 2003 season…oh wait, I guess I better explain that huh? We started talking through football season. It was right before the afc championship game and we were friends until after the superbowl. We started seriously in Jan 2003 and a month later he broke up. It took about 8 months of being friends and dating other people that we ended up back on the same fantasy football league and started talking on a daily basis again. *sooo romantic huh?*
It’s not the ‘perfect’ relationship. We have just as many problems as the next set of people. [comments deleted] We are both goofy as hell and can’t be taken seriously. It’s the strangest combination of responsible and immature. We complete the other when the other slacks off. I don’t want to cook, he does. He forgets to pay a bill, I remember. He gets up on Sunday’s and gets me a latte from Starbucks. I replace the brakes myself when they start squeaking. I love his strengths and I over look the weaknesses. He loves me for who I am and doesn’t try to change me or make me feel stupid for being different.
I don’t see what he sees in me. He asked me what I didn’t like about the picture of the two of us. I said, “well. I’m just not that pretty.” He thinks that’s funny. I don’t care, i’m a geek and I’m okay with that now. I have my degree in computer science with certification in network security (FULL on geek!) and I want to go to law school for family law specializing in father’s rights. I’m not the pretty girl. I’m also stubborn as hell. He doesn’t care. He just sits back and waits for me to get so frustrated with him or something that I just melt down and then he comes in and hugs me and laughs at me and I laugh with him and everything is all better.
That’s what I love about him.

How about you? He said you wanted to marry him at one point and he said no, so you married a girl with a similar name. :) hee hee.

Talk to you again soon, I hope.

Kristine

11
Oct
The Curse of the Bambino!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
The Cursed Red Sox. I can break your curse.
I know that’s a huge statement to make. I am willing to live with it if I don’t actually break the curse though.Here is the story.
I don’t like baseball. Oh come on, not EVERYONE is a baseball fan…just keep reading. I think baseball is boring. I’m a football kinda girl, who watches basketball reluctantly (and only for the last few years).
I met my current boyfriend in our fantasy football league. Please don’t tell his parents, they already think I am weird, they really don’t need any more ammo. My boyfriend is a Yankees fan. NO, don’t leave yet. The answer to the curse might be in this non-baseball fan girl with a Yankees boyfriend.
He wants me to like baseball. I refuse to. He is certain my life (and his girlfriend) would be perfect if I would just sit down and watch a baseball game. I have a Cubbies hat (it’s one of those cool fisherman type hats that I wear during the summer) and I decided that if I was going to be a baseball fan I would be a Cubbies fan because I already had the hat. I got home late one night and he was already asleep. On HBO was a documentary of “The Curse of the Bambino” I got settled into bed and couldn’t find the remote to change the channel. I watched the whole thing. I decided that I was going to be a Red Sox fan because I’m that type of person. I woke up the next morning and SOMEHOW remembered stats and names. I started spitting things out like, “Bucky Fucking Dents.” He smiled and said, “Awww, you learned some baseball last night?” I smiled up at him and then I said, “I watched a movie last night.” I then started spitting out more facts. That cute smile started to droop. “Those are Red Sox stats honey.” I then informed him…”I KNOW! I’m going to be a RED SOX’S fan!” His smile was gone. “I’m going to be a baseball fan for ONE year and I’m going to be a Red Sox fan and I am going to be the reason that the curse is broke.”
This didn’t go over very well. He then informed me that they would have to go through the Yankees to break that curse. I said I was ready.
I don’t have a Red Sox hat. I’m not allowed to buy one. I’m not allowed to watch the games and I’m not allowed to say the Red Sox name..without adding “Dreaded” in front of it. I just call them ‘the soon to be un-cursed team’.
Well, last night he said (and I swear I need to document this somewhere) that the Red Sox was a damn good team. Then he said that the Yankees were their daddies, but he said something nice about the Soxs. I think that was a sign in the removal of the curse. I don’t know. I just needed to tell someone other than my boyfriend this story because when the Red Sox win the World Series…I can say, “I lifted the curse.”


10
Oct
Satan ate my Washing Machine!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: ex, friends, kara
I can’t believe it. I’m on day three with jacked up back.

Dan came over this morning and after dropping the kids off brought me a coffee. So now I am bedridden and juiced up on caffeine.

I can’t lay in bed for more than a few hours…unless I am depressed or avoiding some sort of homework that I should have done weeks ago.

How come I manage to find all the things that need to be looked into or fixed when I’m sick? Like right now, the washer is making this weird sound. I am convinced it’s possessed by aliens. It sounds like a UFO waiting for someone to come into the laundry room so it can beam it up. creepy.

So it comes down to needing a exorcist or a repairman.

It’s strange how fast a SOMA can kick in. I took it just a few minutes ago and I can’t feel that horrid pain that was shooting down my back…of course I can’t feel my lips either.

I really hate being in pain. I tell myself that when I get better that I will start walking and making myself feel better, but then something comes up. No, i’m not going to make promises to fix that either. Someday…just not today.Oh god, I had the weirdest dream. I had a dream I was satan and I ate Shaun! I couldn’t digest his hair though. I also shot Dan in the head on a rafting trip because he forgot to pack our lunches and ate the last cherry pie. I love this Soma!
I got a phone call today from Big Sexy. I haven’t talked to her since the big blow out about me rolling my eyes. I didn’t brush it under the rug, I told her, “Hey, i’m in my 30′s and you’re 40…we should be able to talk about stuff and not go through a little kid.” Anyway, I guess it’s all worked out. I’m an Aries, I’m too lazy to hold a grudge.
I heard a country song the other day that reminded me of Jessica. It talked about a guy who broke up with his girlfriend, but wherever he goes, people still ask about her. He can’t get over her because of it. I feel like that. Everyone keeps asking about her and it’s breaking my heart because I miss her so much. I have a framed picture of us on my desk. It was taken last year on Halloween. I was a Catholic school girl and she was a … hooker!


09
Oct
Hello Mr. President…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
Shaun and I listened to the debate last night on the way to drive the kids to their mom’s for the weekend.
There is a benefit of listening to the debates over watching them. I’m easily distracted by so many other things if you stick me in front of the t.v with two people that want to just talk shit about each other for a good hour or more. More than likely I would have gotten up and walked out and washed the dishes. Yeah, okay I wouldn’t have done the dishes, but I would have gone in the other room and watched something else.

I was stuck in the car and I had to listen.

I’m not the brightest person when it comes to politics. I don’t keep track on how many times a candidate voted for tax increases and all that. I watch the person speak, I listen to what others have to say about them, I see what he stands for.
This year seems to be a bit different for me though because it seems like everyone, not just my dad and Bryan, has a say about each person and they have so much passion in the way they speak about it. Each side is starting to sound like it’s the end of the world if the other side wins. It’s getting a bit harder to decide which one I like by what they stand for because each side is saying,
“He stands for this, but he did this!”

I had to actually listen to the candidates speak for more than five minutes…and it had to be them and not the people who portray them on Saturday Night Live.
Well, if I was undecided last night on who I thought should run our country, I am no longer undecided.

Let me remind you of what I said, “I am not the brightest person when it comes to politics.” I am though, a person who can see the bullshit that people try to fling when they are speaking. If I can sit there and say, “Whoa…he is completely avoiding that question, whoa! why didn’t he answer that? What does that have to do with anything that was asked?” then any politically minded person with some sort of IQ has to be able to see it too.

I thought both speakers did a good job with the debate, I really did. I had to laugh when Bush said, “that comment almost made me frown.” or something like that. I guess not watching it on TV made it funny to listen to. It also made a person really listen to WHAT they were saying…and what they WERE NOT saying.

So thanks for the emails pulling this way and the emails tugging that way…I have made up my mind and I am comfortable now with the choice I am going to make.

Go visit tshirthell.com for you politically incorrect t-shirts!


08
Oct
WIFE SWAP: THE OSBORNES AND THE BRADYS
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: My Brats, The Fonz
Just one day of complete quiet without feeling guilty for it would be heaven.

On my birthday that was all I ever asked for. I just wanted to sit in the bathtub with a People Magazine, some candles, some smell good stuff and just relax.

I watched “Wife Swap” last night. The bottom line of last night’s show was, “You think that the grass is always greener on the other side.” I’m one of those types that knows that it’s astro-turf on the other other side.

I’ve been a girlfriend, a mistress, a wife, a friend. and I know that each one of those has its good sides and its bad sides too. I can’t say I have ever been in a relationship that I was 100% happy in. There was always something there that made me always wonder, ‘what if’.
I guess I am making the choice to not to dwell on the what ifs and just take it one day at time.

My house is always chaos. I’m not use to this on an everyday basis. I like things crazy and fun, but this is like the longest slumber party EVER. I’m working on month 7 of having 7 people in my house.
Shaun said something the other day he said, “You’re use to having three kids. I’m use to having two kids. Neither one of us is use to having 5 kids.”

This isn’t like the Brady Bunch. This is the Osborne’s X 2.

I’ll get use to it. I can’t believe my mom did this for as long as she did. She had 5 kids by the time she was my age. I can’t imagine any of the kids being infants though. Oh god, shoot me!

OH, I had a dream last night that Kathy died. I woke up with tears all over my face. My mom kept telling me that I was the executor of the will and I needed to decide who got what. I walked over to her old dolls and I started crying harder because she told me when I was a little girl that when she died she would give me the cupie dolls. I was SO upset. It’s getting to the point where I don’t want to sleep anymore.


14
Sep
MY BEST FRIEND IS MOVING AND BAD KARMA
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: friends, Random
I’m struggling with the fact that my friend Jessica is moving. She has up and decided that she’s moving to *can’t name state because she’s moving because of a freak she dated and now he’s stalking her*. I can’t believe she’s actually leaving.

I have allergies.
I’m sneezing like a MF. I think this is Karma. I said once before in one of my journals that Karma is coming back and kicking my ass. I had no idea that all the bad karma in my life would come back at one certain time in my life. I thought the bad karma would spread itself out a bit. You know, maybe have bad parking karma a few times for that one time I cut someone off in a parking lot around Christmas, get a cold because I laughed at Dan for having allergies, get dumped for all the hearts I broke along the way. Oh hell no. I get the extreme bad Karma…and all RIGHT NOW. If you’re reading this and I have done you wrong at some point in your life…don’t worry, I’m paying for it in one way or another. Ironically I am getting exactly what I gave. I thought Karma had some sort of lesser degree when it came back. Nope.
I’m pissed.
I made this really cool journal blog. I deleted the wrong file and now it’s gone. I’m just never going to be happy with this page.

*sigh*

My computer is fixed.
In the process of putting all the stuff back on the computer I ran into some pictures and old writing. I got all sad. I found pictures from 1999 when I started my new life and I read some things I wrote about those times and I was fairly optimistic even though I was going through a rough time. I was following my bliss. I thought for sure I was doing the right thing and to hell with anyone that thought differently. I hurt so many people along the way. *note the karma paragraph* I found a picture that made me take a real hard look at my life. Once again I sit here with a million things going through my head and I realize…I should have went to work today.


10Nov
Guilty
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Dashababy, Random
Kath and I were talking about feeling guilty for things that happen. I told her I don’t feel guilt. I mean, I have guilt…I guess I just don’t do things that will cause me to feel horribly guilty later.
But when I am in one of those moods, it hits me like a ton of bricks. I’m in one of ‘those’ moods. I’m thinking about all the things I have done, bridges I burned, people in my life, things that have been done to hurt me in the past.
I wish I could let everyone know that I have hurt in the past that I do feel bad. I could categorize all the people in certain rows:
Sorry for not being ‘the one’ and wasting your time.
Sorry for doing something REALLY wrong to ruin your life.
Sorry for not realizing how important you were to me until you were gone.
Sorry for taking one path and leaving you on another.

Some people actually can fit into all of those ‘sorry’ categories.
Some people need a couple more:


10
Nov
Guilty
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Dashababy, Random
Kath and I were talking about feeling guilty for things that happen. I told her I don’t feel guilt. I mean, I have guilt…I guess I just don’t do things that will cause me to feel horribly guilty later.

But when I am in one of those moods, it hits me like a ton of bricks. I’m in one of ‘those’ moods. I’m thinking about all the things I have done, bridges I burned, people in my life, things that have been done to hurt me in the past.

I wish I could let everyone know that I have hurt in the past that I do feel bad. I could categorize all the people in certain rows:

Sorry for not being ‘the one’ and wasting your time.
Sorry for doing something REALLY wrong to ruin your life.
Sorry for not realizing how important you were to me until you were gone.
Sorry for taking one path and leaving you on another.

Some people actually can fit into all of those ‘sorry’ categories.

Some people need a couple more:

Sorry for not noticing that when you made me CD’s that you wrote the name of it on that little side so I could see what CD it was without having to pull it out. I noticed that today. 4 years too late.

Sorry for leaving the cheese out. maybe if I had been a bit more grown up we would have had more fun when we lived together.

I’m sorry for not saying thank you enough. I should have 14,000 frequent flyer miles.

I’m sorry I forgot to call.

I’m sorry I called when I shouldn’t have. It’s better to leave well enough alone.

I guess there are patterns in people’s lives, and because of it, here’s one last sorry:

I’m sorry I pushed you away because I didn’t know how to tell you that I wasn’t happy with you anymore.




10
Nov
Two Peas…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Dashababy

This is my sister (the one on the left) she’s the other half of the two greatest women on earth.

I wrote once, somewhere, that it must be hard having me as your sister. She worries about me all the time. She bails me out of situations on a dime, she’s always making sure that i’m okay..AND she does my hair. Damn, i’ve got it good.

Kathy never tells me I’m a pain in the ass, even though I know she’s thinking it. She just tells me that she misses me and loves me. I think that makes me feel worse.

She said, and I will never let her forget this, that her favorite sound is me calling her to tell her i’m right around the corner. How cool is that?

I am loved.


09
Nov
This is ONE day!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Anxiety, My Brats

One little day of letting the kids off chore duty and look what gets swept up this morning when I tried to find my way into the kitchen to make coffee. I got about half way down the hall and turned around.
Two choices here, I can go back to bed and avoid seeing what has happened to my house or I can grab the broom from the laundry room and battle my way through shoes, bags, noodles, dog food, homework & placemats to get to my coffee maker.
This is the pile just from the hallway and kitchen. It doesn’t look that big, but look at the size of the broom (that’s a normal size broom)
Anyway, lesson learned….they at least need to clean the kitchen. I’m not even going to show you the living room of socks. We decided to have a ‘sort socks & watch movie’ night….it turned into, shift socks to the side and laugh until we wet ourselfs during ‘White Chicks’. I saw the trailer for this movie and I thought, “No way. I will not watch that movie.” The boy brought it home from his mom’s house and wanted us to watch it with him. It was hysterical. It was cheesy and predictable, but the funny parts were FUNNY. No socks were harmed during the viewing of that film.

One of these days I am going to post about this town I live in. “The town that the Snobby Snobs built”. I seem to forget how snobby this place is until I take my kids to school. What time do these women get up and start getting ready to take their kids to school? I swear they are dressed to the nines (I don’t know what that means, it just sounded good.) They have the big hair, suede pants, high heels & matching ‘handbag’ (I call it a purse, but then again i’m from the mountains, what do I know about the big city?) Every mother in this town looks like a real estate agent. They drive the big bigol’ cars. Beamers, Hummers, cars with gold everywhere.
I saw a little girl today that looked like a cartoon. She was THAT perfect. She had on the black shoes, shiny buckle on the top. White leggings, pressed, dark blue, pleated dress with the white collared shirt underneath. Her hair…don’t get me started with the hair. I don’t think my kids hair has EVER, EVER, EVER been that perfect. It looked like the girl from “The Grinch”. It was white blonde and every single strand was in it’s place and the red bow that sat right on the side at JUST the right angle tied it all in. The girl had the walk too. She looked like a little girl that had all the worries of the Rocklin-2nd-grade-goddamnimperfect-world on her shoulders.

I dropped off my two kids and the neighbors kids and looked at them as the ran off to thier classes. My daughter in floral pants and striped shirt and a cockeyed ponytale. I got one of those half smiles as I drove off.
The mother that was using the crosswalk looked at me funny. It might have been the goofy smile I had on my face, or it might have been because my day old make up looks like Ozzy’s makeup after an all nighter. My hair is piled on top of my head in cockeyed ponytale from sleeping on it and I have, what Shaun calls, ‘my verticle hold outfit’ on. It’s a striped sweater, the cozy-comfy-plaid-men’s jammie bottoms, and striped socks. None of the stripes go in the same direction, nor are they the same color. Shaun insists that I need to adjust the verticle hold on my clothing.

If you think the way I dress for bed is bad, you should see what I wear to work ;)


07
Nov
She’s 62
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: The Fonz

This woman is 62 years old. I hope when I’m 62 I am THIS beautiful and THIS fun.
This picture is taken on our way to the casino for her birthday. Isn’t she cool?
She wanted a picture of all of us together, but I looked like hell until my sister dyed my hair. I am now a brunette.


05
Nov
Happy Birthday Mommy
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: My Favorite Posts, The Fonz


Happy Birthday. Happy Birthday Baby, oh i love you so.

Blow out your candles, make your wish come true.

For I will be wishing that you love me too.

Tomorrow is my mom’s birthday. Isn’t she beautiful? She’s always been that way. She’s the second half of the two funniest women I have ever known. If you know anything about me, you know that my mom and sister are my two favorite people in the world.

I’m going up to visit her tomorrow. I love it when I get there, it’s the best feeling in the whole world when I pull up in front of the house and see that faint light on. I get out the car and stretch the legs and try to get my butt to unclench from the three hour drive. I walk through the door and here comes Sophie The fur person who may or may not have that cone thing around her head to give you the attention you have been wating for. I’m pretty sure anyone who knows someone with a dog that was raised as a human knows what kind of attention I am talking about. The kind where the dog thinks you REALLY missed her too and gives you the wet nose on the knee caps, the whipping tail to the back of the legs, and if you’re lucky you get a plastic cone markings on your shins. It’s a lovely greeting. You have to say, “hiiiiii Sopppphiiiiieeeeee.” in the sweet voice too because if you say, “No Sophie” after she shoves her snout up your butt-crack mom will say: “Ohhh she misses her sister, she’s just sayin’ hi.”

After the dog greeting, the removal of dog snout from my ass and the dropping of my bags, I get to hug mom and she always smells good…like mom. And she has this smile that she gets when she sees me. That is the best look ever. Her voice gets all, -I haven’t seen you and I miss you and we are going to have fun- sounding. My mom is the best person to visit because she makes you feel all warm and fuzzy when she sees you.

Tomorrow is her birthday. I’m going to see her…and Sophie the ass sniffing dog.


04
Nov
There’s whole lotta coffee in Brazil
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
I have some information I need to share:

Heaven can be found in a red venti cup with a hot sleeve. It’s called a Gingerbread Latte and you can find them at Starbucks. go now and get one.
I can’t make coffee to save my life. I’m not sure what it is; too much coffee? not enough? the water isn’t the greatest? I’m cursed by Jaun Valdez?
I wish there were coffee making classes I could take. My sister could teach the class.
As of late, I am drinking WAY too much coffee.
Ooooh the coffee is done.


02
Nov
it’s election day
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
I thought I had one more day. I hate it when I do that. I thought for certain it was Wednesday. I had planned my whole “after work” day around going to vote. Now I have to rework my whole after work day around it today and I don’t know if I am alert enough to do that.

28
Oct
Randomness
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
It’s almost Friday. I don’t think I could be happier. This has been the longest week ever.

The Red Sox won. You know what this means? Yes, it means I broke the curse. I can’t believe it myself. I have that much power.

I can see why people blog from work. There is so much to actually talk about. Right now someone is on a conference call next to me and they are talking about money that I can’t even imagine as a budget. They say things like, “10k” like it’s nothing.

I better go.


24
Oct
Whoa, those are my kids!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: My Brats

So this is the updated picture of the girls. Aren’t they adorable?
I was sitting at the computer Friday night and they were laying on the couch and on the floor watching a movie and I thought, “Whoa, those are MY kids.”

I saw that movie, “The Grudge” It was freaky. It reminded me of “The Ring”. I was ALL creeped out by that movie. I don’t what was more creepy in this movie though…Sarah Michelle Gellar or the little boy. *heebie jeebies*


24
Oct
I hate romance movies
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Anxiety, kara
I have an eleven year old daughter. She watches movies with me. Today she put in “My Best Friends Wedding”. She said I remind her of Julia Roberts. I was flattered. Julia, in this movie plays a strong woman, albiet a bit crazed, but a woman that has a driving career and doesn’t need a man (until her best friend, who is a man, is going to marry someone else) You’ve seen the movie, I don’t need to explain.
Anyway, I was impressed that Kara saw me in such a glowing light.
Then at a part in the movie where Julia is talking to her best friend and he says, “You didn’t like that icky love stuff.” Kara turned and said, “That’s what reminds me of you mom. You don’t like that icky love stuff.” I thought about it for the rest of the day.
It’s not like I’m afraid of public display of effection. I love it! It’s not like I don’t tell the girls and everyone I love them all the time. I do. It’s sickening how much I say it. I cuddle. I snuggle. I love, L O V E.
So why did that part of the movie remind her of me?
I don’t like Romance movies. I use to love them…when I believed in all that crap. I use to read the romance novels. In fact, I kept them all.
Kara and I watch all the teen-angst movies. My favorite show was, “my so-called life”. My favorite song is Al Greens, “Lets stay together”. I think I finally realized why. That’s young love. That’s the love before you realize it could all go to the shitter. All it takes is being lied to, being treated like you’re second best to their friends, not being touched…and the wall goes up and you’re just numb to everything.
You know that part in the relationship where the sound of his or her voice makes you just want to close your eyes and die on the spot? Or the part where you’re in the car together and you look over into the car next to you and you would just do anything to know what they are thinking or talking about because it had to better than what you were talking about, feeling or thinking at that moment? Or this moment right here, where he reaches over to touch you and your heart feels like it’s going to explode in your chest because you have waited so long to be touched, and then that knot in your throat swells because you know that it’s not right. Your chest gets tingly because you know this will be the only time you’ll be touched in God knows when, and you don’t want it to be so ‘unfeeling’ and like every single time before it.
I don’t want to be touched anymore. I don’t want to get my hopes up for something that isn’t going to be there for another two months. If i’m going to do it, it’s going to feel right. No knots, no chest tingling and no God damn tears.
Right now, I have my best friend. He’s fantasic. He does love me. We watch sports together. We talk about crazy things. That’s all I need. I think for now…until I figure out how to get back to where I was before I hated romance movies and all things that show the woman falling madly in love and everyone living happily ever after, I should just back away from it.
I still have hope that I will have that all someday.

29
Nov
My Itty Bitty Baby Girl
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: kara
.

Okay, so she’s not so ‘itty bitty’ anymore.
She’s going to be (dare I even say it?) TWELVE this year. TWELVE. It was TWELVE years ago that I had my first baby. Is that possible?

She stayed home sick today. I don’t know how sick she really was, but I didn’t take any chances. She looked all cute laying in my bed so I got out the new camera and took some pictures. I have found that I like it when the kids are not posing. She had been looking at the camera doing some pretty cute smiles, but when she finally got bored of me blinding her with the super sonic flash, she started watching TV and that’s when I got this picture of her.

Could she look any more beautiful?

Naw, I didn’t think so either.


29
Nov
My Two Favorite G’mas
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random

Add a little honey glaze and you could just eat them, they are SOO cute.

Let me introduce you to the two most adorable ladies you will ever know. I mean that, go ahead and try to beat the cuteness that is this pair.
It’s G’ma Billie and GG Mills.

These two wonderful women are my boyfriend’s grandmas. I’m adopting them though. I’m going to scoop them up and put them in my pocket and keep them forever.

My boyfriend is lucky. I lost my grandma several years ago. She was a kick in the ass. The smartest woman I have ever known. I mean, REALLY smart…like talking to the TV smart. Yeah, only the geniuses do crazy things like that. **shh, i’m typing**

Turkey Day was good. It was thee first holiday that I have spent with anyone outside of my family. They made my mother feel very welcome and I thank them for that.

I can’t wait for a nice, loud & crazy Christmas eve with them.


23
Nov
Yes, we are truly THAT bored
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: kara, Random

I don’t know what it is about watching the ‘washer channel’. I don’t know what it is about my kids coming in to watch me watch the washer.
“Whatcha doin?”
“Watching.”
“The clothes wash?”
“No, today it’s the floor mat from the car.”
“Smells funny.”
“It’s pretty dirty too.”
Then the conversation actually goes somewhere and we start talking about her day or something she has on her mind. All the while I listen and watch the crap in the washer get the shit washed out of them.
It’s our time.

It’s like the Ronco Set it and Forget it Rotisere (someday I will actually look up how to spell that). I can’t help but watch that damn bird spin.

If you haven’t figured it out…I have a touch of the crazy.


22
Nov
I have a problem
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: photography

This is our collection of cameras.
I realize I have a problem. The first step is admitting it, right?
The first step of recovery…oh who the hell wants to recover from digital camera overload? NOT ME!

The old & beat up Olympus is now Kara’s camera. It was mine and I loved it. Then I broke it. The camera above is the ex’s old camera. We gave it to Kara because it’s just not fair that Shea (the 6 year old) has her own digital camera and she didn’t.

The Kodak is Shea’s. It’s bigger than her face.

The Fugi is Shauns. I haven’t figured out the lame ass optical zoom on it so it sucks at taking pictures far away.

The other Olympus is mine. I’m bored with it and ready to move on to a bigger & better camera.

If you’re smart you’re thinking, “what did she take the picture with?” Well smarty pants, I also have a JVC digital video camera that takes pictures.

Yes, it’s a problem. I want a Nikon.
I have digital camera envy when I see other people’s digital camera. Not just camera’s that are better, but ALL cameras. I want ALL the cameras for myself! This is a sickness.


21
Nov
a million years ago
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: friends

This picture was taken a million years ago. Okay, it wasn’t a MILLION years ago, but it feels like it.
The longer I look at the picture, the more questions I ask myself.
1. Where are my kids?
2. Is that a smile on my face?
3. It almost looks like I am cracking up! am I laughing?
4. How ghetto is that motorcycle in the backyard?

This was taken when I had a free weekend I actually did something other than laundry on that weekend.
It was taken when Lisa drank.
It was taken when Dale and I were friends.
It was taken when Zach and I spent more time together.

I know I can’t go back. I don’t even think I would. Who wants to hang out with Dale and a drunk Lisa? Oh, who am I fooling, I WOULD!
I like Lisa better not drinking though. I like myself better now that Dale and I are no longer friends.

It just looked like I was so happy. I was laughing.

I didn’t plan on posting this today. I had other things to talk about. Funny how this thing has a mind of it’s own.


20
Nov
No Brawling at Arco Arena
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random, Shaun

Shaun and I got tickets to see the Kings play the Timberwolves last night.

We had some pretty sweet seats. They were the most distracting seats though. We sat right behind the sports writers tables. There were about 6 little TV’s RIGHT in front of us. Last night was the night that the Pacers & Pistons got into a brawl and it was ALL over ESPN…the station that the 6 tv’s were all on airing the Kings game. It was hard to watch the game and not want to watch the TV’s too.

My back was out so I had a glass of wine before we left, and a pain killer, and when I got there I spent half my paycheck on a Smirnoff Ice. It was pretty sweet Friday, in our pretty sweet seats. Of course, I might have actually still been in the car as drugged up as I was I wouldn’t have known the difference.

Now to the best part of Arco Arena (Outside of the King Players)
It’s not the mascot, Slamson, who strangely gives me the creeps. It’s not the really pretty Court Dancers that can’t throw a balled up T-Shirt to save their lives. It’s not even the really neat fans I got to sit next to and in front of.
It’s the Garlic Fries.
The whole place smells like Garlic Fries. I didn’t buy any. They might have sucked, but they smelled like heaven. I stopped and took a picture of the Garlic Fries and Shaun thought I had lost my mind. I figured if I couldn’t buy them, I was going to be able to at least look at them. I can also lick the screen when no one is looking.

The Kings won. It turned out to be a really good night.

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19
Nov
Starting Her Early
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: shea

Shea got a digital camera from her pawpaw because she called him one day and said,
“Paw Paw I need more pixwells and memo-wy for my camera.”

He jumped on Ebay and bought her a camera just like his.
I had to put some rules on her use of this camera.

1. DO NOT take this camera outside.
She has a million pictures of things inside our house, but if I didn’t have this rule then we would find her expensive gift on the lawn near the bike, scooter and Polly Pocket collection.

2. Shut it off when you’re not using it.
My God, when did it get so expensive for AA batteries??

3. No sneaking up on Mommy in the shower with the new camera.
-nuff said.

She told me the other day that she needs a smaller camera to put in her purse. I told her I got her one of those then she would have to give me her old one. She raised her eyebrow at me and said, “Paw Paw said if you asked me to borrow my camera that I should say no. I don’t think he would let me give it to you.”

Brat.
.

Good news: The new computer is smokin’ fast! I am tired as hell and wish I would have taken the day off work to sit in front of it and just hug the tower and kiss the monitor. I had to squeal with delight when I clicked on a program and it opened. It opened like THAT. I didn’t have to sweet talk it.
It has a DVD player too. I have a computer that has a DVD player. Me. The woman who FINALLY purged the old VHS movies and retired the VCR.

Watch out people, I might actually be ready to get rid of the reel to reel machines and move up to a 8 track!


18
Nov
Blue Screen of Death…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
It’s happened again. The computer broke. I swear if I hear, “Kristine, can you look at the computer.” ONE MORE TIME.
Yeah. I can look at the computer. I look at it everyday.
“No, it’s broken.”
I hate those words. It’s never the simple, ‘…the internet isn’t working.’ or ‘…I can’t figure out how to get to this program.’
No, it’s always, “I turn it on and it does this weird thing and then this blue screen pops up with…”
The Blue Screen of Death. Say no more.
Well, I don’t even get the window…I get this cycling of trying to boot up.
This is something I should be able to fix seeing that I have my degree in this. I swear I feel like a chef that has NO idea how to make damned grilled cheese sandwhich.
I’ve finally decided it’s time to start ALL over. That means retiring the computer that has no case cover (it came in handy when I was going to school and had to research the innards of a computer….that and the 2nd fan went out and it got hot so with the lid off the case it seemed to not get as hot. I know, lazy ass Krisitne) and is slower than hell.
I’m going to, dare I say it?, UPGRADE.
Until then (then being tonight because my ass isn’t going without a computer for a day) I am blogging from work.

Ouch.


15
Nov
Sunday Dinner
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: friends, Random

As a thank you for helping them move, ‘Cita took us all out to dinner.
The total was 10 kids and 6 adults.
The picture is from Cold Stone after dinner. We took up every table inside the store and two outside.

Sidenote: I chose this picture because I wanted to emphasize the reason why I need a new digital camera. That picture isn’t me trying to be all artistic, it’s that damn camera just decides to freak out and do this every 4th picture.

It was a great night. I love any night when I get to have my friends together. I’ll have more pictures over at my main site.

The weekend was a good one too. I went to Bingo on Saturday night (didn’t win), but I did have fun with [name removed per request].

On Saturday Shaun had his football game (he won). The girls and I did a little bit of Christmas shopping and a little bit o’ shopping for us. Kara got a new purse that she’s probably going to blog about on her site: Kara’s Blog. The purse matches her shoes and she insisted that we get a picture of them. Shaun and I went shopping and then to the Tree to see my friend Ruka. She bought a new H2 (Hummer). It’s beautiful.

On Sunday we went to CompUSA to get me a USB expansion for the computer. I ended up getting that and some blank CD’s and cases. Shaun has never burned a CD before so he’s like a kid with a new toy. It’s interesting to hear the type of music he downloaded. I thought for sure I was going to have every single Matchbox 20 song downloaded and nothing else. He didn’t though, he downloaded some pretty good stuff.

It was a pretty darn good weekend. yay for that!


12
Nov
Dr. Phil
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Anxiety


I use to read. A LOT. I was really good at getting half way through the self help books. I swore the last one I was going to finish because it was going to be the answer to all my problems. Sorry Dr. Phil…I got to the part where I have to own up to my problems and write down some of things that was going to stop me from actually getting to the person I know I can be.

So what’s up with the picture? That’s me. That’s the person I have become. I have become the red flannel jammie bottoms, one green soft sock and one purple sock, hair in a ponytale and guilt for so many things on the shoulders. I tried to take a picture of the guilt, but it wouldn’t stay still.

Today is another day, just like yesterday…hopefully with less sleeping. Today I’m feeling guilt for the person that has walked into my life. I swore that I wouldn’t push this one out. I wouldn’t tell him, “Hey this is what you get, if you don’t like it, keep stepping.” he seemed different, and didn’t deserve the person that would only half try to make a difference in this relationship. I’ve done pretty good so far. Yesterday it crept up on me. That whole ‘past’ thing. The depression from hiding it for so long comes back to get me.
You usually get the warning when you meet me. “Hey, this is me, i’m totally messed up and I might hurt you and I might walk out when you least expect it. You might get this wonderfully loving woman one day and then she’s gone and the harder you try to get her back the further you’re going to push her away.”
I didn’t give Shaun that warning. I told him I would try. I would try to do the best I can. He deserved that.
I feel horrible because here I am again. It seems like when you’re trying to find that person that you know you can be, you stumble across the person that is the complete opposite that has been an ugly part of your life that you would like to forget.
I explained that ‘leaving out the cheese’ embodied and represented that ‘fork in the road’.
I looking at the cheese.

I’ve mentioned to Shaun that I need to see a therapist. I think it would be cheaper to just scream until I can’t breath anymore.
Why is it when you mention a therapist to men, they just don’t see the big picture? How come one makes a joke and the other says I just need to get out.
A therapist people! Because I’m I feel like i’m broken! It’s not time to make jokes or tell me to get out. You would think that someone who has seen me here before and the damage I can do would say, “Oh, okay, let me see…the last time she mentioned needing to see a therapist and nobody took her seriously she destroyed her marriage. Another time she almost drove her car into oncoming traffic. Yeah, I think I might want to see what I can do to help.”
It’s not going to get that bad this time. I won’t let it. I have that mental picture that keeps me going. The girls in prom dresses. I don’t know why that was the one that saved me through the last time I was here. Hope. Hope. Hope.

I don’t think anyone really understands how much those four letters mean to me.

—–
sidenote to the one and only dedicated reader of my blog: I’m okay. I’m a Seguin, I will get through this. I always do. just let me sit around in my mismatched socks and flannel bottoms until everything is alright again.

15
Dec
Still Trying….
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Anxiety, Random


It’s only Wednesday. I feel like I am rushing towards a date. Like if it were Thursday, everything would be okay. I will be okay on Thursday. I know that’s not true…and when I’m all better, I’ll be all better. I just hate that it’s Wednesday.

I guess I need to take a few minutes and point out the good things since I have been a big ass downer for too long.

1. I didn’t freak out this morning when I got up. I freaked out about an hour later in the morning, which is good. I can wake up and not go into instant freak-out mode.

2. My medicine is on it’s way!

3. I didn’t have horrible dreams last night.

4. I met this guy in my dreams last night. Oooooh baby! I feel guilty for even typing that, but God, it felt so good to feel alive, even if it was only in my dreams!!

5. I’m not stressed about Christmas. I’m stressed about everything else, but not about Christmas.

6. Oh, someone added me to their contacts on Flickr.com and I looked at all his pictures and he doesn’t seem to be a freak so I have my first contact! I even added a couple myself. Look at me go!!!

7. My dad and I are talking a lot more. I think it’s because I’m calling him ALL the time, but at least we are talking.

8. I found out I like the HP glossy paper better than the Kodak kind. I will no longer spend less money for less quality…ever.

9. I’m reaching here…Uh, *looking around* Tonight is Shea’s play and she knows ALL the words and is very excited.

10. All my Christmas cards have been sent out!

There, how was that for uplifting? I’m trying!!


14
Dec
Can they tell?
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Anxiety


I wonder if they know i’m slowly losing my mind.

Every day it’s getting harder. Shaun ordered some stuff online that I hope makes it better. The anxiety is killing me. I swear I feel like i’m going crazy.

I freaked out yesterday about something really stupid that normally I wouldn’t have even noticed. When Shaun asked me what he could do to help me, in a tear filled rage I told him, “You could freak out with me! If you freak out then I know I’m not going crazy!”

I know him freaking out isn’t going to help. It pisses me off that he’s normal. It pisses me off that no one else is running around freaking out about the stupidest things. They are totally taking their mental health for granted! I am somehow relating to the crazy people that are hospitalized and out of the blue toss the puzzle up in the air and start running around the room like a loon.

Everyone is saying it’s the season. Thing is, it’s been coming on for about three months and like a horrible pimple it has finally surfaced. That just grossed me out.

I’m trying to stay ‘normal’ for the kids sake. It has to be obvious that I am losing it though. I can’t seem to get back to that ‘fun’ mom I use to be. I’m trying though.


11
Dec
Bringing The Boy Around…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Anxiety, tyler


I’m really trying to fight the anxiety that is making my life a living hell. I woke up this morning and it was like I had an overdose of serious anxiety. I started freaking out about everything. It is getting out of control.

I had to get Dan’s truck to pick up a Christmas tree. I brought the boy with me. I also needed ‘kick ass music’ to help elevate my mood. I looked at what was in the car…Ashley Simpson and Keith Urban. Not exactly the ‘kick ass music’ that will put me in a better mood.

We went to the store and I picked up my THIRD copy of Kid Rock’s Rebel Without a Cause CD. Someday they will make those CD’s a little bit more durable and able to withstand an 11 year old’s abuse.
I also picked up Def Lepard’s greatest hits CD. The boy had never listened to Def Lepard before. He must be subjected to greatness of a one armed drummer and the words to “Pour Some Sugar On Me.”

The Neon has a pretty good stereo system and “Do You Wanna Get Rocked” and “Hyseria” sounded awesome. I tried to explain to him that there was a time when this music was considered to be ‘satanic’ and listening to it would secure you a place in hell. I turned up as loud as I could and enjoyed the ride to get the truck. On the way home we listened to the CD again and for some strange reason I got began to feel horribly guilty as we passed by the church on the hill. I felt like God was looking down on me and right there I would die in the car…and it would have in the newspapers, “She was listening to SATANS MUSIC when her truck spontaneously exploded!”

10
Dec
Sunoco Team
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


This is, correction, WAS your Sunoco Quality Control team.

My friend, Ed, sent me this picture awhile ago. It was weird to see me with my old co-workers.

I use to work for a company that did ‘quality control’ for businesses. Now THAT would have been a kick ass place to blog about. I could have had a blast making up names for the annoying people that just made me want to scratch my eyes out.
I liked MAYBE 4 people that worked at that place. I loved the owner. I loved Jessie, Ed and Katy. Everyone else would stab you in the back if meant getting at better cubicle or work station. I’m not kidding. I wish I were, but people have come up missing that use to work there. I think they had a special burial ground for all the people that worked for NSS.
I would like to say it was a pleasant parting, but it wasn’t. I was drug into the conference room and asked a million questions on why Ed’s desk was cleaned out and why mine was suddenly MUCH cleaner than it was on Friday.
My response was, “You asked us to clean our desks on Friday, perhaps Ed just took you a bit more seriously than most.”
They knew I knew something about why Ed had quit and they were certain I was telling everyone why. The thing is, everyone already knew why Ed quit. He was lied to. He was told he was getting a promotion and then told he wasn’t. Everyone also knew I was handing in my two week notice. It wasn’t a surprise to anyone. They acted like it was. I told them I wouldn’t work for the bitch they were going to try to ‘sneak’ as my boss until I figured it out. How do you ‘sneak’ in a new boss?
I wrote a kick ass resignation letter though. I doubt the owner read it though. It is one of those things I will always be proud of…the way I walked away from NSS.

These anxiety attacks are killing me though.


08
Dec
If this doesn’t prove it!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


I bought this duck for Shaun’s dad.

A couple of months ago they had their house broken in to. They thought of ways of making sure that this didn’t happen again. Some of the ideas had merit, and the others just scared the shit out of me.

I woke up from a dream one morning and as serious as a heart attack I said, “Shaun, your dad needs a duck.” In my half asleep state I laid out the benefits of getting him a duck.
For those of you who don’t know Shaun, he knows what people like and what they don’t like. He knows what they will hate and what they will love. He’s weird like that. He’s usually right (except when it comes to purchasing Christmas presents for me, then he suddenly loses his fucking mind and buys me coffee cups) He said, “My dad WILL NOT let us get him a duck.”

I kicked around the idea a bit longer. I ran it by his dad. Shaun was right. There would be no duck in his backyard being the watch duck for any scary intruders. Of course it became the running joke. Anytime anyone said anything about the break in I would just say, “Well, if you had a duck.” I became the resident fowl advocate.

For his birthday we drove around ALL day looking for a duck. Not a real duck mind you, but a duck I can put in his lawn as a reminder of how much I love him. Shaun said to get him the little duck. I couldn’t bring myself to buy the little baby duck. Shaun’s dad NEEDED the big duck.

He loves the duck. On his birthday card I wrote nothing but; Quack Quack.


07
Dec
Yeah this is a test blog
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: alyx, Random


I have this picture of Alyx and I from Thanksgiving. It was all blurry to start with, but ironically I love it. I don’t know why, but I do.
This is also a test blog from my email. I have the picture attached and I am writing from my email account to see if this REALLY works. I’m not very hopefully. It can’t possibly be THIS easy right?

Okay, well here we go.


07
Dec
Anxiety Attacks
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Anxiety

http://www.ponderingpool.com/

I’m anxiety ridden. It’s everything. It’s just sitting here, right now. This anxiety on my chest. What can get rid of it? Making everything ‘all better’? How can I…the thought of it not being ‘all better’ is causing a full on attack!
I want to scream STOP IT and then all the sudden I will be able to breath again, but I can’t open my mouth. I can’t take a full breath. It’s cold too. I am cold all the time now. Yeah, the weather is changing and it’s cold outside, but I am freakishly cold.

I saw this card last Valentines Day when Shaun and I stayed downtown for the night. I wanted to buy about a million of them. I was pleased to find they were online and I could order them. Oddly enough I was having a panic attack in the store that night and I couldn’t stick around to view all the cards.

Breath, Kristine, Breath.

I looked online on relieving anxiety attacks and just reading about them made it worse.

I’m feeling quite hopeless.


07
Dec
QUIT FIGHTING!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: My Brats

They are all grounded for 3 days.
this means I won’t have to hear, “Can I go on after you?” “Tyler won’t let me watch Lizzie McGuire!” “I tried to call, but your phone was busy.” “TURN DOWN YOUR STEREO!”

Yeah. It all sounds wonderful, but I know I’m going to be kicking myself in the ass by Wednesday morning.

Friday night was Marina’s slumber party. It was wild. It was AWESOME. I remember having a cool slumber party when I was 13. This was just like that…except there was no trip to the hospital.  Anyway, the house was THRASHED. It was beyond distroyed. My house isn’t big enough to be THAT dirty. Monday is a minimum day for the kids so they come home and clean up. Two do the kitchen, one does the living room. The little ones do the hall and the bathroom.

They called to see if they could walk up to the store because all the chores were done. That was at 2 pm. The lies. OHHH the lies.

I got FIVE phone calls from them on the way home from work (that’s 1.25 per call) and messages that consisted of, “GET HOME!”
Yeah. I was mad when I got home, THEN I saw the house.

To say my eyes were bulging would be an understatement.

It was DESTROYED BEYOND REPAIR!

They knew when I walked in behind a very green Shaun (he got food poisoning AGAIN) that I was about ready to pull out the big guns.
“WHOA!” that usually starts the rant I slip into before I actually leave my body because of lack of breathing the right amount of air in. “WHAT IN GOD’S NAME HAPPENED HERE?”

They are all FRANTICLY trying to clean up. I, of course, ask the normal, ‘have you lost your fucking minds?’ questions.
“How long have you been cleaning?” My hands are not just ON my hips, but digging so far into my sides that I can feel how much weight I have to lose before bathing suit season.
“Uh, since we got home.” a shy response comes from one of the wide eyed children.
“FOUR HOURS AGO?” there is a good chance I can feel my spine now.
The boy pipes in, “I told them, but they didn’t listen.”

The boy forgets he’s in charge. He can figure out how to hook up a NASA satelight, but can’t stand up to an 11 year old girl who thinks SHE’S in charge.

“Who was sposta clean the kitchen?”
“Marina and Kara.” He looks smug.
“Why isn’t it done then?” I am still looking at the boy. “You’re in charge, why didn’t you have them do it?” He knows i’m right. He didn’t make them do anything, he was probably happy they didn’t tie him up and paint his nails. He was busy playing on the internet. He probably looked up at 4 pm and realized he had 20 minutes to get it done.

Marina bursts into tears. “I didn’t do it because I was waiting for Kara to…”

This doesn’t work with me. They all use the other for an excuse not to do a damn thing.

“Guess what? You’re ALL grounded.” I head back to the bedroom where I hear Shaun hurling.

Ahhhhh, don’t you all wish you had my life?


02
Dec
I like BIG BUTTS….
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: kara
Kara came in CRACKING UP. She thought this was the funniest thing.
She had shoved scarves down her pants. Most 11 year olds put toilet paper in their bra, but not MY child. I had a conversation with her a few months ago about the fact that the child will not have boobs.
I didn’t have boobs, Gramma didn’t have boobs and Aunt Kathy STILL doesn’t have boobs. She. was. not. going. to. have. boobs. Get over kid, it will make your junior years in school much smoother if you don’t wait around for the boob fairy to show up in the middle of the night and give you some melons.
I did soften the blow by saying, “you got a nice butt though.” I then told her the story of how everyone thought she was wearing a diaper because he butt was so big. I told her that we would sing, “Baby got back” to her and she would gurgle and bounce up and down like a baby Beyonce.
I have done that child wrong. She’s 11 and doesn’t care she doesn’t have boobs, she has an ass. Her ass has gone to her head.

On a side note. I use Flikr to blog my photos here. I didn’t know there was a tracker for how many views a pictures gets. I uploaded this picture and within 3 minutes it had 25 views. I check my other ones and the one of me and Dale on the trampoline had 11. Ironicly the second highest view of all my pictures was of my MOM! with 14.
I know it’s not much, but sort of cool that people are checking out my mom…and my daughters scarf butt. OH GOD. Where’s the delete button!!??


01
Dec
I wake up with multiple men
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Shaun

That title sounds SO much better than reality.
It could have even read, “I wake up with ball players”

The truth is I have half of the Sacramento Kings, one dead baseball player, and Marshal Faulk in my bedroom. It’s no wonder I have nightmares!!

Shaun’s an artist. He paint just about any sports player you can name. Then they sit in our room next to the bed staring up at me.

I wonder if they talk to each other when i’m at work.

22
Dec
The Other Family Member
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: damn dogs!

This is Mooshu Mooshu Monkey Dog. She’s a MINI toycup poodle. When I say MINI, I mean…She’s so small that we tend to forget to mention that we have a dog.

I went to the pet store to see if this other little dog was in. All I saw was a bunch of hyperactive poodles in the cage. I don’t like poodles, but puppie-poodle is sort of cute. I went over there and they were all jumping around, fuzzy, pink tounged. I looked in the back and there in the corner was a little black fur ball that could fit in the palm of my hand. It looked like one of the other poodles had coughed up a hairball in the corner.
I asked the guy, “What’s that in the back?” and he said, “The runt. It probably wont live though, look at how small it is.” I asked to see it and he looked at me like I was crazy.
“The mom stopped feeding it.”
He handed me the fur ball that fit in the palm of my hand. It was going to die. There was NO way this thing was going to live. It had zero life left in it.
“I’ll take it.” I paid the seriously reduced price and put the dog in my bra. Yes. I put the dog in my bra.
We went back to my sisters house and I told Kara I got her something. She looked around and when she didn’t see anything I pulled the little thing out. She thought it was a beanie baby….and then the dog moved his head and she SCREAMED with excitement.
She smothered it in love, and I told her that it would probably not make it, but she didn’t care. She had A DOG!
I told her to put it on the lawn so it could go pee. The freshly mowed lawn was TOO TALL for her to stand in and she couldn’t even walk.
She also didn’t have elbows, so when she would bend over to eat she would fall in her food.
I knew she was going to live when I saw how she stood up for herself against my mom’s rottie. She barked…and jumped up and down, and did little puppie growls. This is the dog that is the size of that dog’s poop!
Mooshu did live. Her name changed from day one. We thought ‘duchess’, ‘princess’, ‘little bit’. Dale (an old friend) said, “I refuse to call that dog, ‘princess or baby or whatever lame ass name you give it.” He started calling it, “Mooshu Mooshu Monkey Dog” and it stuck.


21
Dec
40 reasons he loves me
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Shaun
I was writing my top 40 things that happened in 2004 last night and Shaun came in and asked what I was doing. This is when I came up with the bright idea of what I wanted for Christmas.
I told him I wanted him to write the top 40 reasons why he loves me. He didn’t seem to thrilled about it and I didn’t think I would see it, but I came into work this morning and he had sent me the email. He said it was okay if I post it on my blog…so here you go. And this is why I love him, because he loves the most random things about me.

40. You name and speak to inanimate objects as if they are your extended family
39. You get more excited about me making bacon or grilled cheese sandwiches than if I make a full meal
38. The orgasmic look on your face when you torture my warm skin with your frigid feet
37. The way you still think you can turn your head (but keep your eyes fixed on the monitor) and pretend to pay attention
36. The way you change words into Kristese (awns cream?)
35. Your hand gestures that try to translate when your words aren’t working
34. The sly smile you get right before you do something evil
33. ***tacklehugs***
32. How excited you get for your friends and family when they tell you things.
31. The way you try to talk to me when you’re still 98.75% asleep
30. My sweaters look better on you
29. The way you write, I can hear your voice when I read your words
28. You always notice when I buy something new, whether its a shirt or a jar of pickles
27. You can pull off the pontytail through the baseball hat look
26. You get physically nervous during the end of any close game on TV
25. I can see pieces of your personality in each of your girls, like you left them laying around and the girls kept them
24. Every old song reminds you of someone or a random moment from your past
23. You hate seafood, sour cream, and guacamole just like me
22. You were SURE that my dad needed a duck for protection, and we had to shop for just the right duck
21. You’ll actually endure horror movies with me even though you don’t like them
20. You were excited for an entire month about the availability of Starbucks’ gingerbread lattes
19. You think straws are flexible toothpicks
18. Your frustrated face when I challenge you on something
17. You are a Yankess fan who selfishly rooted for the Red Sox curse to end because YOU wanted to break it
16. You will change out of pajamas and back into your clothes if a friend needs you to go somewhere
15. When you smile, you smile with your eyes
14. When you want something, you buy it…then and there. I act like I don’t like it, but its pretty impressive. I don’t do that much
13. In your sleep, your legs and feet grab me like shrink-wrap
12. The tip of my index finger fits perfectly in your trademark chin dimple
11. You make me laugh, nice to be on the receiving side of a funny line sometimes
10. You appreciate when I dress up or smell good
9. If my painting or food isn’t quite right, you tell me and it doesn’t piss me off
8. When you laugh REALLY hard, your laugh goes silent for 3-4 seconds
7. You’re pretty, but you think you aren’t
6. You have a great bed and amazing water pressure (how did this not make the top 5?)
5. The look on your face when we say the same thing at the same time is priceless
4. You treat my kids in the same abusive and violent manner as your own kids
3. Your eyes tell me you love me twice as many times as your voice does
2. You know when I need a break, a nap, a punch to the lower abdomen, a kiss on the neck(on rare occasions, all four)
1. When I’m with you, I can be myself ……when I’m not with you, I wear your clothes and pretend you’re there

He loves me.


20
Dec
40 things from 2004
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
It is a writing challenge from one of the two lists I am on. I am to come up with 40 things that happened to me in 2004. It really seems like A SUPER LOT to think of, but I might actually get through this.

I sold the Saturn.
I bought the Camry.
I lost my mind.
I am slowly getting better.
Shaun and his two kids moved in March 1st.
I ended a very unhealthy friendship.
I had to take my 7 year old to the hospital because she broke her arm. It broke my heart.
I changed my political party.
I organized all my pictures. all of them. ALL of them.
I bought a new computer.
I bought a new camera. I named it Matty. I don’t know why.
I re-fell in love with the Gingerbread Latte’s from Starbucks.
I have learned tolerance in SMALL doses.
I didn’t get everything I wanted this year. I survived it.
My mom and dad finalized the divorce.
I lost two of my friends. One to Oregon…one to Idaho.
I quit my job.
I got a better one. Sort of.
I am learning that even though I hated it when it was told to me, but life has patterns.
I met a new friend, and she’s really fancy and neat and I like her.
I had a dream MONTHS ago that I killed someone and buried them in the backyard and that dream is still coming back to haunt me. I almost went to jail last night in my dreams because of something I did in a dream MONTHS ago!
I turned 32. THIRTY two? how the hell did that happen?
I now get a weird feeling when something bad is about to happen.
I hate Grant Napier.
Upon having to do Dan’s homework, I learned some pretty cool stuff about black history.
I found out that when i’m sad, I like rootbeer.
OMG! I finally bought a new cell phone!
I adopted two grandmas.
I did not travel AT ALL this year.
I went to a Fleetwood Mac concert with Kara. It was her first concert.
I went to a Kings game. They won.
I thought about TRYING that wakeboarding thing. I didn’t do it though.
I learned the definition of Wanderlust, and it doesn’t mean what I thought it did.
The sound of certain people’s voices makes me want to vomit.
I did not have enough romance AT ALL this year.
I want to be happy again. I want it so bad, I ache.
I broke the curse of the Bambino.
I became a Yankee fan.
I bought my THIRD copy of Kid Rock’s “Rebel Without a Cause”
I need therapy, my friends are not enough anymore.

20
Dec
When they were young – Shea
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: shea

I just can’t stop staring at this picture thinking, “When did it happen? When and HOW did she get past this stage in life?” Did I get enough kisses in? Was she hugged enough? Did I give her all the attention she needed? BECAUSE I CAN’T REMEMBER HER BEING THIS LITTLE!
I remember Kara being that little. I sort of remember Alyx being this little, but Shea…she went from newborn to 6 years old in like ten minutes.
She’s SIX! Holy crap.
When i’m 42, my youngest child is going to be 16.
My sweet little Baya, don’t grow up anymore. I want you to stay little forever.

19
Dec
When they were Young – Alyx
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: alyx, Random

I went through some old picture CD’s from a million years ago. I am so happy that I took the time to back up my computer because these pictures would be lost in one of the 6 hard drives that I have crashed since 1998 (when I first hooked a modem up to my computer and started this crazy thing called, “Online”)

I had no idea in 1999 when I was sitting in the back yard trying to get Alyx to stand there long enough to get a picture of her, that I would be sharing the story with anyone 5 years later.

I was reminded today (dooce.com) how hard it is to get a child to keep at hat on. Alyx wasn’t like that. She loved her hats. She just hating taking pictures. She was disgruntled, even at a young age, about pictures being taken of her. It was impossible to get a picture that didn’t have Alyx flipping off the camera*, it was like she believed that if her picture was taken she would be robbed of her soul or something.

This was my backyard when I was married. I lived in this backyard. I planted, I plucked weeds, I screamed at the vines that would pop up over the fence that threatened my oasis. That was when I was married, stayed home and had little babies to watch. Now my backyard looks like a burial ground for toddler toys, dead trees, dog houses and old mops that we forgot we put out there because they were wet.
No fucked up backyard is complete without a weight bench somewhere.
and yes, i’m pretty sure you might find one if you looked on the side of the house.

I degress from the story…

So Alyx (by the way, she’s 7 now)and I were in the backyard and I was taking pictures of her. She was SO frustrated and tired of the pictures.
I finally gave up and said, “Oh come here baby girl.” and THEN the smile happens as she is running over to me. I snapped the shot and this is how I got my favorite picture of Alyx.


18
Dec
Weekend Randomness
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: photography, Random


You know, it’s pretty bad when my camera follies are the most artistic ones on my blog.

I was going for that effect when I took the picture. Okay, I lie.

It’s the ‘ohh, look the camera has functions other than the ‘auto’ button, let me see what this one does. Oh cool, it makes me look like I forgot to take my Xanax and decided to take pictures!’

I need to see if I can pull out my old camera books and try to figure out what the hell an f/stop does. I use to know how to take pictures. I think ‘digital’ has made me lazy.

Click, Shoot, Crap, Delete.

*!*

Last night I went to the casino to see Peja (Sacramento Kings Basketball Player) and to take some pictures. I lied to get pictures. I was standing there next to one of the casino managers and I pulled out my camera. He said, “I’m sorry, but you can’t take any pictures inside the casino.” I remembered something from one of the million of TV shows I watched with [name removed per request] after an all nighter at Bingo and came up with, “I talked to the Manager back there (I point to the farthest point from where I was) before Peja got here and he said people can take pictures as long as none of the pictures have slot machines in them.” He thought about it and I can see him actually going through every training course in his head he had about Casino Management and he must have remembered something that resembled what I had said because he nodded and let me continue to take pictures.

If by chance that Peja reads my blog, or there is someone out there that knows Peja, please tell him I am REALLY sorry about the flash. I kinda went crazy with the whole picture taking thing because I didn’t know if at some point a person who had actually paid attention during those Casino Management classes came out and took my camera away.
I will post a cute picture of Peja after Shaun lightens them up and makes him look less stoned.

*!*

I am so loving my online life right now. I have a morning ritual. I go to dooce.com, jump over to Rebekah’s page, check out my flickr groups and contacts and then I go check my own blog and see if anyone commented. If they did and they left a link to their blog, I go read their blog and then go and see what updates have happened at dooce. It’s sort of lame, but it beats reading the morning news and getting depressed.

I love my new friend. She’s fantastic and ‘fancy’ too.

and now it’s the weekend and I should be laying on the couch watching a movie with Shaun or maybe taking a shower. Or possibly looking for those photography books.

f/stop for dummies, here I come.


16
Dec
Overpowered by two little girls and a pink razor
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: alyx, My Brats, shea
Today the 6 year old smacked into the only little girl in first grade with a titanium skull and she knocked out her front tooth. The other one is coming out within hours.
They were baby teeth, but still, her tooth fell out of her head because she hit Emily-the-brick-wall.

Since the other tooth is all wiggly, I wanted to feel it. The 7 year old, knowing her mother like she does, warns the 6 year old not to let me, that I will ‘yank it out with great force’. The 6 year old is now leery of letting me near her mouth. This, of course, leads into tickling. It’s amazing that these two little girls can fight with each other until my ears bleed, but when it comes to tickle wars, they have each other’s backs. I have the 6 year old in a pretty good head lock and the giggling is at high pitch when the 7 year old starts to help her out of the head lock with the only known tactic she can use that she knows will work without fail. She licks me. I FREAK out of course because there is nothing grosser than a 7 year old licking you.
They get out of the head lock and run down the hall, the giggling getting louder. I follow…my robe waving behind me like Superman. “I’m going to get you!” I hear the bedroom door slam, but of course there is no lock and I open the door to find them climbing up on the top bunk. I’m up there before they are and I got tickling hand ready.

The seven year old isn’t getting enough attention. “Mommy!! you want to tickle me! you want to bite my arms (they are pretty tasty arms)”I stop the 6 year old assault and start chasing the 7 year old out of the room and into the kitchen. She’s not there. She’s not in the living room. Stop to check the score on the Kings vs. Lacer’s game. I hear them in the bathroom now. They have the door half way shut and I slide across the floor and the door is about two inches from being shut.
That’s when it happened. I got overpowered by two little girls. They got the door shut AND LOCKED.

They were easily tricked with the ‘shutting of my bedroom door’ trick. The door opened and I got in. The 7 year old jumped in the shower and grabbed the bottle of shampoo and a pink razor (no worries, it was the kind without razor blades in it) Somehow it ended up in my closet where I got beat to hell with a pair of flip flops.

I am so screwed when they are teenagers.


16
Dec
He loves them…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: My Brats, Shaun


This is a picture of the most handsomest man in the whole world.

This picture shows me why I love him so much. That smile. That smile because MY girls are crawling all over him and hugging him. That smile because they love him. That smile because he loves MY girls.

He amazes me every single day.

This picture is why I love him. Just in case anyone was wondering.

16
Dec
I’M A LINK!!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


Yes, I am a link. I have TWO official readers outside of my mom and sister. AND I’M A LINK NOW.
Her name is Rebekah and you can find her at: http://thehouseofcards.typepad.com/
As soon as I figure out how to add links to my page…she’s TOP O’ THE LIST. I say that with my best Irish accent that I don’t have.
She’s one of those insanely pretty women that you wouldn’t expect to be so cool. She relates to the joys and crazy moments of being a step parent. AND SHE ADDED ME TO HER LIST OF BLOGS!

My online life is now finally validated.

Someone now tell me how to make a perma-link using blogspot so I can validate some other people’s lives!!

I’m a link…if you haven’t already heard.


15
Dec
Shea the Elf
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: photography, Random


Tonight was Shea’s Christmas play — The Polar Express.
We got there early so Shea could get her make up on. It was PACKED. You would think that Hillary Duff was going to be playing an elf.

CAMERAS FOR DAYS! The flash content in that gym was crazy!

We all know I have a camera obsession. I know this, but I couldn’t find a ‘digital camera’ fix in any of my self help books. Tonight was hell for me. EVERY parent has a camera. I am looking at EVERY single camera within my view. 3.2 megapixel, 4.0 megapixel, Oh god-OLD digital camera, 5.1 megapixel, 35 mm, Sony, Olympus, Kodak, Nikon (no, I didn’t see a D70 in the house). My daughter is singing up there and I am trying to figure out what the hell type of camera the woman next to me is holding. I should have taken a picture of it because no one would believe me if I told them it what is was. Okay, I say that because I can’t remember the type of film people used before the 35mm camera became so popular. It had one of those flashes with the bulb thing that only has like 5 flashes then you have to replace it! DO THEY STILL MAKE THOSE? I guess so, because the woman next to me was holding one and was waiting for the exact moment to ‘point and shoot’ that baby.

I started to feel bad as I had taken the seat between her husband and herself so I could get a good shot with my digital. I am rotating through the options: Close up, Still life, Museum, Action, Party….and all the while the husband sitting next to me is drooling on my camera. I took my pictures and left.

My daughter was, of course, the most dramatic and animated elf on the whole stage. I’m sure there is a shot of her dancing like a loon on the 150 cameras….and maybe one of her on a super old camera.

That picture is probably better than the one I took.

Question for the Internet:
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
I’m listening to Sheryl Crow (because I can’t find my Tracy Chapman CD) and she has that song, “Favorite Mistake”.
It always makes me think about all my mistakes I’ve made. It’s hard to label one as my FAVORITE mistake.

Do you have a favorite mistake?


31
Dec
Happy Fucking New Year…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Anxiety, Random
Well, it’s the last day of 2004.
Thank GOD!

I have been blog hopping the last couple of days. It seems like this year sucked for everyone. It did end in the horrible #4 so it was doomed from day one.

I make no resolutions this year. I refuse to make myself more promises that I know I am going to break within 15 minutes of making them.

I do plan on making some changes in my life though. They are not going to be easy changes, but I can’t live the way I have for another year.
I don’t want to be sitting here writing about how unhappy I am. I am not a depressed person. I am not a person who sit around and dwells on the shit in her life. I have been through enough in my life to not want to wake up AGAIN and say, “How the hell did I get to THIS point in my life?” I don’t want to be looking for an easy escape to get the fuck out of the mess I have gotten myself into.

There is more…i’m just too pissed, hurt, angry, frustrated, … to write anymore.

Happy Fucking New Year.


30
Dec
My mother
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: The Fonz

In my search for the wild 80′s hair picture (below) I found this picture of my mom.
She’s so beautiful. How could you not fall in love with this woman and want to spend the rest of your life wanting to make her the happiest person alive?

Just wanted to share.


30
Dec
Freshman Year
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Dashababy


I blame this ALL on my sister. It was her responsibility to tell me how bad I looked. I told her she looked like big bird when she bought the yellow Rebocks. She should have told me my hair was too big, or at least cut it all off while I slept!


29
Dec
Be Merry.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Dashababy, The Fonz


I’m getting old.

I’m okay with this.

It’s the part i’m not comfortable with is that I can relate to my sister and mom on a whole new level.

I’m not comfortable with it because I now feel SO guilty for sweeping up the whole living room only to sweep the crap UNDER the couch, for half ass washing the dishes and then being pissed at my sister when she looked at me like I was fucking crazy for trying to put the dirty plate in the cupboard. For all the times I walked through the house and over trash and DIDN’T pick it up. For the times I told my mom I was cleaning my room when really I was pretending to be Janet or Chrissy from “Three’s Company” and my room was my apartment that I had to clean up before a ‘date’ showed up so I just threw shit under my bed or in my closet. I feel guilty for the time I took a big marker pen and put cursive L’s on everything in the kitchen because I WAS Laverne and I needed everyone in our house to know it too.

I now realize Kathy wasn’t mad at ME that Paul (her son) put gum in his hair, she was mad at me because I watched him do it, didn’t stop him, and was going to be spending the rest of the night trying to hold down a squirmy, wet, 3 year old boy and try to cut the gum out of his hair. [sidenote: he didn't trust her with anything sharp after she took a blister out of his finger. he would HIDE every single needle in the house in his toybox!]

I now understand why mom got so pissy when I chose to talk on the phone than watch a movie with her.

So, last night…I layed on the couch and watched, “The Princess Diaries 2″ with my girls and enjoyed it. I know these days won’t last forever. I find comfort in knowing that each one of my children will feel horrible guilt for being a mean sister and bad daughter. It doesn’t matter how many times I tell them, “Stop biting your sister, she’s going to be your best friend someday!” they don’t care. It doesn’t matter how many times I tell them, “I’M YOUR MOTHER AND I KNOW WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU!” they are still going to think I am crazy and wrong.
AND no matter how cool I am, I am NEVER going to be as cool as their Auntie Kathy and Grandma…so I guess what comes around, goes around. [damn, my mother was right!]


28
Dec
little hands
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: alyx, kara, My Brats, shea

I’m home all week while the girls are on Christmas vacation. It has given me a lot of time with the girls.

Things I have found out while being home ALL day long.

they argue. ALL THE TIME.
Shea is a troublemaker.
kara talks REALLY loud.
they can play with Polly Pockets for hours.
cartoons are not as cool as they use to be.
kids eat every 30 minutes.
when it is time to clean up: shea’s foot hurts, kara has to pee, and alyx has a tummy ache.
I swear when the DayQuil kicks in, this house is going to be clean. Foot, pee and tummy, BE DAMNED!


27
Dec
Christmas—IS OVER.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
I was going to send this whole long post on how Christmas sucked this year. It did suck. The actual day sucked, but only because I was SOOOOOOOO sick.
It would have been a really funny post because some crazy ass shit happened to me while I was drugged up on DayQuil, but I don’t even want to go there right now.

Boils down to this: My girls had one of the best Christmases in a really long time. They got gifts from us, from dad, from Shaun’s family, from my family. They got to spend Christmas WITH family they haven’t seen in a really long time.

Who cares that I was so sick I could hear every electrical pulse running through my sister’s house, or that I saw my brother in law in his tighty whities. It doesn’t matter that I was sick and couldn’t see my dad or even TASTE dinner. It certainly doesn’t matter that I was 3 times the legal limit of “Quil” you should take in a 24 hour period or that my sister, if she ever decides to invite EVERYONE WE HAVE EVER KNOWN for Christmas dinner, needs to invest in about 13 more couches.

It boils down to this: I didn’t get into ONE fist fight this year (even though Kevin was pushing it when he was picking on my Raider’s Kicker), My family is safe & last, but certainly not least,

CHRISTMAS IS OVER!


23
Dec
teasing
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: tyler


the boy wants to play on Xbox live. I am on the computer. he has pulled out the only game he knows I am powerless to. DIG DUG.
he knows within minutes I will be on the couch playing dig dug, screaming at the stupid things that will not blow up.
what he has not factored in….if i’m on playstation, he can’t be on xbox.

Mwhahahahhaha.


23
Dec
Shaun Says:
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Shaun
This is a new part of my journal. It’s the “Shaun Says” part.
I told him that I’ve had my journal since August and you could add up all my comments and it still wouldn’t be as many as the ONE day I post what he wrote.

Shaun Says:

lol……I was like a special guest star and your ratings went up for the day. Thats funny.


23
Dec
Picture Whore
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: photography, Random, Shaun

I love pictures. I love picture frames, I love photo albums.
Shaun does too, so when he moved in we had 5 times TOO many of all those things.
I’m sort of picky about picture frames. I like a certain look of the wood. I weight it to see if it’s heavy enough to withstand my punishment. I like the cool ceramic looking ones. I like metal ones, that are not scratched up.
Now when Shaun moved in, I found a theme to his picture frames. It’s called the Dollar Tree theme. I swear to GOD, every single frame in his house was found at Dollar Tree. They were PLASTIC!

I didn’t want to freak him out too much. He already had to throw away his lovely sectional couch, his full size bed, oh shit, he had to toss everything.

We brought his paintings and his paint gear….and his framed pictures.

I have slowly gone through and gotten rid of all of his Dollar Tree frames. I have replaced them with nice metal frames (because that’s his favorite) and now in our house, we have every type of frame you can imagine. None of them match.

But none of them are plastic.