2005: September - December

05
Sep
drunken blogging…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: friends, Random
we just got home. damn open tab.

it’s going to be like 500.00 for you to see the pictures.



Oh dear heaven. RSG is SOOOO hammered right now and Pissy is singing 50 cent like a pro.

5 captain and cokes. hooooo bunches of cosmos and not enough Smirnoff for the Pissy.

We did get Pissy to say those words she’s so terrified of.

Where did Shaun go?



Shaun’s leaving me for RSG!!

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04
Sep
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Posted By: Random and Odd  //  Category: Random


I swear after this is over I’ll stop writing about how much fun we had. I swear. I swear I won’t be one of those that goes ON and ON and ON about how cool these two women are.
I swear. I will get it all out of my system now.

Kathyrn (Recovering Straight Girl) I don’t even know where to start. I’m not sure what I thought I would expect. She has a calming effect on you from the first moment you’re around her. She’s the type of person that if you spent enough time with her, she could heal your soul.
As we were walking through the casino, in mid stride walks past this woman and calmly places her hand on her back and tucks back in her tag that was sticking out. She barely broke stride as she did this. “Your tag was out. Have a good night.” and kept walking.
She’s staggers you with her kindness. She’s peaceful. She’s someone that you want to be like, to strive to be like.
and she’s totally hot too. Whoooo-WEEE! Her eyes are just BUUH-U-TEE-FUL.
Shaun better watch his step or RSG just might get her toaster oven!



Why she ain’t pissy at all! She’s a fucking riot though!
Did you know there are certain curse words this cute southern thang won’t say? IN FACT if you say them she starts freaking out. It’s now a challenge to see how many ways I can put the word pussy and cock in a sentence.
I don’t know if Pissy’s hubby reads my blog, but if he does: You have one fantastic woman who LOVES YOU TO DEATH!
I love the way she loves that man. I really love the way she talks about the people she loves. If she loves you, you know it. Of course, on the flip side…don’t piss this woman off! She can talk some mean shit. She’s feisty little girl. Holy Shit Pussy-Cock she’s funny.

We sat outside one night and talked about how we differed from what we expected. RSG said she thought, because of how I express myself on my blog, that I would be more…how do I say this? elloquent.
Yeah, she found out that I use Shaun as my spell check and use hand movements instead of trying to remember the name of something.

Okay…I swear I am going to only write about how much I love these women for like 2 more days…then it’s back to Random and Odd.

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04
Sep
BlogThis 2005 Tour Bus
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: friends, Random
There are very few things in the world I just can’t handle.

1. Lawn Gnomes
2. Tequila
3. The song, “Total Eclipse of the Heart”

Shaun put together a CD of the best of the worst 80′s songs and knowing how much I hate it, he put it on there. True love.

Welcome to the Blog This 2005 Tour Bus. Next year we are going to get magnets for the side of the van.

Upload Video at JussPress.com

Upload Video at JussPress.com

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04
Sep
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Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: friends, Random


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02
Sep
guest blogging
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: friends, Random


Here is a post from all three of us.
Kristine
The funniest thing I have heard all day was when we were having breakfast and Pissy said; “I’m not use to my waitress having a full set of teeth.” or… WHEN SHE ALMOST CAUGHT MY DAMN YARD ON FIRE!!!

Pissy
They make fun of me here…FUCKERS. I could have stayed my ass at home and got that from my husband. Ok..going to smoke with the cute lil’ lesbian girl.

RSG
Okay, these bitches are the best…all three of them (including Shaun.) Having a great time winning money at video poker, getting lost in the casino, pointing out all the lesbians to Kristine, and makin fun of Pissy!!!

Kristine
All in all we are having a damn good time. On Sunday it’s open coffee day. If you’re in the area and want to come hang out with us and have coffee, email or leave a comment and I’ll send you my phone number. LOL…As I am writing this, i’m doing it in Pissy’s accent!! HAHAHAHAHA. I swear it’s going to take weeks for me to talk normal!

Alright, it’s time to see if I can get Pissy drunk and RSG naked!

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02
Sep
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Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: friends


You asked what Recovering Straight Girl was singing…

Can you guess from the hint above???

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02
Sep
She Sings!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: friends, Random

, originally uploaded by randomandodd.
Recovering Straight Girl Sings. Really good. REALLY REALLY GOOD.

Let’s see how well she does at the casino!

Oh and Pissy…she’s so damn adorable. Even Shaun has a twangy southern voice now!!

Donation Update: HOLY SHIT YOU GUYS ROCK!

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02
Sep
Having Fun!!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: friends, Random

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01
Sep
at a loss…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
In an attempt to avoid cleaning my bathroom, I turned on the TV.

To say that the woman saying, “I need help” and seeing the children on the street was twisting some part in side of me would be an understatement.

I don’t talk celebrity stuff here that often, if I did I would have asked what the hell happened to Hillary Duff’s face. What type of plastic surgery did she have? I can’t put my finger on it.

I don’t talk about my religious beliefs.

I don’t talk about politics or …. GOD DAMN I AM SELF CENTERED. This thing is all about me!

Well, I’d like to turn that around. I have the Nikon Lens fund set aside until I got the amount to buy it. I have my Google adsense money waiting to be sent.
If it’s okay with all of you that donated to the Nikon Lens Fund and clicked for the lens…would it be okay if I gave that money, in your name, to our blogging friends that have been effected by this horrible disaster?

I personally know two people that have been hit. VeryZen and Southern Fried Girl. I am going to leave my donation link up there and all the money that comes into Random and Odd will go to help our friends.

If you want to donate please do so. Please leave me your address or your phone number so I can send you a Thank You card.

Not expecting millions, but I know if I were in that situation…to be able to go buy some towels, pair of jeans, dinner….Starbucks Latte…would mean the world to me. $5.00 multiplied will help get these people those small things.

So badly I want to take all those people on the TV home and feed them.

Corndogs and Mac and Cheese at Casa Random and Odd.

****UPDATE****

I am STUNNED by how awesome you all are. I am SPEECHLESS. Your donations are truly making me SO damned proud to say I know you all.

THANK YOU!

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10
Sep
The one with the waggity tail…..
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: tyler


Monday is Tyler’s birthday. I will have a 15 year old boy living in my house. I am not prepared for this. I was totally okay with have a 14 year old boy because, well my very logical mind thought, “I could totally take him in an arm wrestling contest.” and 14 is young. That’s just fresh out of 13.

Now he’s going to be saying, “I’m 15.” and that my friends, scares the living crapola out of me. Why? Because at 15 my boyfriend was trying to … well, he’s was… *looking away*…

Mom…stop reading.

You too Kathy! only because I don’t want you to share the story of how you walked in on us during half time of the Superbowl! That is a very private story. No one needs to hear how I deserted my boyfriend on the couch with his pants low around the hips as I rushed out the back door in your bathrobe. THAT story stays between us. I still regret turning off “What Ever Happened To Baby Jane” so I can go smoke some and bump uglies on your floor. It was wrong…and for that, I am sorry. Stop laughing.

Now with that said, I am going to go hurl the box of Cheez-it’s I just ate.

You would think at age 15 he would be asking for the world. Not Tyler. He wants a dog to call his own. That’s it. A dog.

AND I’M GOING TO GET HIM ONE!

Because our house is so big and we don’t have enough people here, we are going to go get a dog for the boy. Oh what have I gotten myself into?

At least he didn’t ask for a bong and a quiet house for the Superbowl.

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09
Sep
Mom the Fonz goes OLD SCHOOL on our asses….
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: stuff portrait friday, The Fonz
Mom played SPF this week…and she pulled out stuff she owns.

HOLY CRAP MY MOM IS SO OLD!

Click to check out the Fonz’s SPF.

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09
Sep
SPF – Shaun Style
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random, stuff portrait friday


Team Junk



I really have just about everything “Raiders”. Cups, earrings, bellyring, bracelets, … I probably have it all.
I picked my shirt because it’s my favorite. It’s the kicker jersey…and it takes a special breed to be able to pull off the kicker jersey.
It’s also the shirt I had on my ad when I met Shaun. Shhh. Yes, THAT is the picture that made him fall madly in love with me.
(It might be that It looks like I am pointing to my tits)

Favorite Player:



Bet you were thinking I was going to go old school Raider player for my ‘favorite’ player.
Nope, he’s a Packer.
He’s also the best damn player I have ever watched. No one is more fun to watch than Brett Favre.

Tailgating:




These are taken during the 2000-2001 football seasons. NOTHING…and I mean NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING…beats watching a Raider game in Oakland.

RAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIDERRRRRSSSSSSS. The sound just echoes through that place….It’s like ‘going home’.

I need to go now, my kids are trying to dress themselves for school!!

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08
Sep
PIGSKIN PICK’EM!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
Around our house we are all about some fantasy football. Shaun spends HOURS AND HOURS slaving over the computer, making sure he has the right guy in.

Me? Oh I just look at their name and if it sounds cool…yeah, he’s in. I use to be better, but the pressure is off and I can just enjoy the game.

This year…it’s on sucka’s. You wanna play with us?

Random and Odd Pigskin Pick’em! You go and pick which team will win that week. It’s pretty easy. Alyx does it every year. She usually wins too.
“Is that the team with a dolphin? yeah..I want that one to win. I like dolphins.”
(I’m not sure who she gets that from)

All you have to do is, CLICK HERE , then sign up. You then search for RANDOMANDODD (that’s the group name) and start making your picks!!
If you have any trouble, let me know and I will help you out.

It will be fun…I will be privately emailing you and talking smack…just so you know.

**** UPDATE****

and because i’m a moron of great proportions…I signed up, but didn’t make a group.

Here you go:

Group name: Random And Odd
Password: random

Join your friend’s group: http://games.espn.go.com/pigskin/groupinfo?groupID=43928&password=random.

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07
Sep
September 9th
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


I lag.

Okay, since Shaun is fired up enough to blog-nap my blog to get you all in the football season, let’s do this for him…since he does so much for us.

STUFF PORTRAIT FRIDAY – SHAUN STYLE

1. Your favorite ‘team’ paraphenalia. (shirts, hats, washing machines…whatever you have that shows off your favorite team)

2. This is a ‘google hunt’ picture. Go find a picture of your favorite player from your team and post it.

3. Dig through some old pictures and show me one of you at a tailgating party, block party, or Superbowl party. I know you’ve got to have something like that.

Back up picture: Show me a picture of your kid in their sports jersey.

Sorry it took so long to get these up.

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07
Sep
Just Win Baby
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


Shaun here, blognapping for an important time of the year. Are you ready for some fooooooootball?!?!?

I hereby invite any of you not into the sport or those of you with lesser masculine teams to come over to the Dark Side now.

Thursday, 6p EST, ABC Raiders vs. Patriots.

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07
Sep
Keep on Turnin….
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


This morning was the morning I was going to wake up and check my banking account and see this HUGE amount sitting in there, smiling at me. I was going to get pee pee tingles as I counted in my head all the bills I would pay with this HUGE amount of money. I was going to have to take a anxiety pill because of the monthly payment I would have to pay for having this in my account. I was also going to do this “I got my loan money” dance.
I was going to call the car company and say, “IN YOUR FACE BIZ-NATCH!” and pay those guys off.
I was then going to call the Student Loan people and say, “Take this money, the degree wasn’t worth it…NOW STOP CALLING ME!”
I was going to call the hospital and say, “Sorry it took so long. Thank you for fixing my daughter’s broken arm over a year ago.”
I was going to get to pay back all those people that helped me in the past.
I was going to mail the toe socks to Shelli.
I was going to go buy me a $9.00 ring at Ross!

The money; It’s not there yet. I use the word ‘yet’ cautiously, because I don’t know how this works…if I sign the papers they can’t change their minds can they?

So I sit here, waiting for the hot loan guy to call me back. I didn’t just type ‘hot’ did I? I did.
It’s okay, I won’t leave Shaun for the hot loan guy because hot loan guy is a Niner Fan and his shoes might have cost more than my whole house.
Hot loan guy is now treating me like his bitch. LEAVING ME SITTING BY THE PHONE, WAITING FOR HIS CALL.
Wait…let me work through this…I’m waiting by the phone and I may or may not get money out of this….nope, i’m not his bitch.

I’m either his wife or his hooker.

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06
Sep
Why I am a mean-ass bitch – reason 302
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: friends, Random
Shaun just saw my first post-blogger breakdown.

It’s not fun to say, “Hooker Ass Bitch” without an accent and a good target. He said next year’s conference will have to address the issue: Post-Blogger depression.

Oh and someone, i’m not going to mention any names, because that would be mean as hell and everyone knows that i wouldn’t go to that level of immaturity, LEFT THEIR BLACK STRAPLESS BRA!!!
This person who goes un-named LOVES this bra. It has touched her boobies.

AND I AM GOING TO MAIL THAT BLACK STRAPLESS BRA TO THE FIRST PERSON WHO DONATES A $100.00 TO THE HELP VERYZEN AND SOUTHERN FRIED GIRL FUND!!

Yeah, I am that mean…but I do it because I love.

Don’t fuck with me about the commas and poor grammar in this post.

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06
Sep
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Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: friends, Random
It’s going to take several days for things to go back to normal around here at Random and Odd Inn.

I’m going to be spending the next few days washing towels, rounding up all the stray water bottles & trying to convince my dog she’s going to be okay.

For the past 4 days my dog has been told by 2 different people that she was going to be shoved in a suitcase.
“Mooshu, you are so cute…I’m just going to put you in my suitcase and bring you home with me!! Yes I am. Ohhh yes I am.”

I am also going to have to deprogram Shaun. He is now answering the phone at work, “Hello this is Shaun, the bestest boyfriend EVER.”
He had to use 3 pillows last night for his big ass head.

The girls came home last night after being with Dad and each one of them had some crazy ailment. Headache, Tummyache & “my eyeballs are going to ‘splode”.
Ohhh, it’s so nice to have my babies back.

Now I am going to flip-flop my laundry and lay in front of the couch and catch up on Hurricane Katrina.

I am completely speechless at your generosity. I emailed the others that are on the list of people that have set up donations for Very Zen and Southern Fried Girl to find out how long we are going to keep going with this. It was said New Years, but I would like to be able split the donations so they have some extra cash sooner, but just when I think the donations for our two bloggers are done, someone donates. I don’t want to give up just yet.

Some of these people do not have the most important daily necessities… Q-TIPS! Can you even TRY to go a week without Q-Tips? I can’t.

Well, I better get moving. I’m thinking about taking a shower and using wash clothes to dry off.

* Update *

Go check out the pictures of Amanda B. (Very Zen) ‘s house.

*heartbreaking*

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05
Sep
112593842971817700
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: friends, Random


dear sweet jesus, please let the pounding head just stop.

Shaun took RSG (or now commonly known as hooker-ass-bitch) to the airport at 8 am because there was no way in God’s green earth i could have made it.

I have to take Pissy to the airport in…an hour and a fucking half. Shaun just walked through the door with two Starbucks coffee’s for us and said, “Goodnight girls…I’m going to bed now.”
Did I ever mention how Shaun isn’t the big party guy? Yeah, well buddy let me tell ya…ROCK STAR. He partied like a ROCK STAR with us. A rock star that doesn’t drink or smoke…but a ROCK STAR none the less.

Okay, it’s been an hour and half and venti Starbucks later and the hangover is still here. How long do these things last?

Every bone, muscle & hair follicle hurts.

and as Pissy would say, “OH HELL NO…THAT’S JUST AIN’T RIGHT.”

Captain Morgan is NOT my friend. I will just keep telling myself that as I drag myself through this day. Poor Shaun still has to go mow his parents lawn. (No Bucky that isn’t some kinky codeword)

Night Ya’all. Oh fuck, it’s only 10 fucking AM !!!!



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15
Sep
“…and then we tango.”
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: ex


My ex is on his way over to bring the girls Starbucks. He use to do this all the time, but now it’s dwindled down to a couple of caffeinated visits a month.
He stopped asking me what I want. Not because he cares to remember, but because he’s ‘mad’ at me.

We dance. My ex and I have this dance we do. It’s the much like an ugly tribal dance at times, but mostly it’s like a Waltz.
It took years to perfect this dance we do. I’m sure you all know the steps;

Step one: he does something of monumental proportion that pisses me off.
Step two: I advance a step towards him and tell him off.
Step three: He backs up and after a dramatic spin, he laughs and begins advancing towards me.
Step four: I look at him like he’s stupid…because he is…and I tell him how it REALLY happened in the world WE all live in.
Step five: He threatens me financially…SOMEHOW.
Step six: I end up in tears.
Step seven: he wins.

I figured if I got this loan, built up my credit, refinance the house…I could be rid of him being able to do that. Dan and I met when I was 18 years old. Never in my wildest dreams would I have guessed we would end up married with three kids living in suburb-hell. I also never would have guessed that I have just about as much financial freedom as I did when I was 18. none.
This loan was going to change things.

Then I got the loan papers. I have to pay off his State Taxes before they will give me my money. It’s not a couple hundred dollars. It’s not just a couple thousand dollars either.
When I brought this up to him, he didn’t seem to concerned at all. In fact he felt he was OWED this to him. I should have to pay this for him.

We did that dance. We got to step 7, but I added a new step to it.

Step 8: I turn to Shaun who then gives me a hug and says it’s going to be okay, we will work it all out together and someday this will be all over.

Step 9: I win.

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14
Sep
Welcome Baby Spears…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
Brittney had her baby. Congrats and welcome to the world little one.

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14
Sep
112671127210137109
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: friends, Random


I love life today. Why…do you ask? Because I just convinced Pissy Britches that in the state of California you have to have the last name listed on anything you ship. I also added, just to be a bitch that you need to have the extra four digits of a zip code.

Why do you ask am I doing this? Because I have missed having someone around that I could bullshit. I miss it SOO much, and Pissy is cool about it. After she cusses you out she always threats that she will get you back, but you know she never will. It’s cute.

She wants me to buy a new keyboard. One that is…arahg..auraph…arrrrag….OH HELL, what’s the word for, ‘it won’t fuck up your wrists because they split it in two and made it look like the keyboard was warped in the sun’?
I told her that I wasn’t going to buy one. I like my jacked up keyboard that the whole bottom row of letters are worn off. It’s fun to watch Shaun try to hunt and peck his way through an email.
Pissy decided she would just buy me one. Like the baby I am, I told her no and I don’t like those ugly keyboards with the cute little letters all over them. I like mine. She said she would ship it to Shaun.

You know the feeling when you’re about to hit bingo? – - – hmmm, maybe not. Okay, how about the moment someone is going to unwrap a present you KNOW they are going to love and you get that excited feeling?
I got that, because I felt a good ‘bullshitting’ coming on.
“Well Pissy, it looks like you’re screwed because ONE: you don’t have his last name and TWO: you need to have the four digit zip code extention.”
“Well, I will just put SHAUN.”
“In the State of California, you need to have the last name.” I wait to see what she will say next.
“SHIT!”
Oh yeah…that was fun. I miss stuff like that, because I now live with the human joke box.

I’m going on day four of “Famous Names” with ‘Cita. It’s where you start with a famous name: Sandra Bullock. You then take the B from Bullock and the next name has to start with it. Bob Newhart. Take the N from Newhart and start the next name: Natalie Portman. You get the picture. This game can last forever.
I got stuck on O. We have used every O name in the book. I was on the phone with ‘Cita getting ready for bed and I quietly asked Shaun for an “O” name. Shaun is the human ESPN databanks. He has every name and stat for every sport (except Golf) since before he was born. There MUST be an baseball player that starts with an O.

“Shhhh, Shaun…Olivia? Oliver?” I whisper.
“Oliver Klosoff.” He offers up.
“Who’s that?” I whisper so ‘Cita won’t hear me.
“German Poet.” he says and then turns away.
I very confidently say into the phone, “Oliver Klosoff.”

and then the laughing starts.

Oliver Klosoff.

I have met my bullshitting match and the man I am going to marry someday because of it.

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13
Sep
I can breatheeeeeeeeeeee again!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


It feels so good to not be scared anymore.

I went to the furniture store to go lick the couch I have had my eye on for awhile. I just stood there and told it, “You’re going home with me. I can finally free you of this overstuffed warehouse.”

My friend ‘Cita then looked at me like I was crazy. Not because I was talking to the couch, but because the couch I picked out was HUGE.
“Kristine, that’s not going to fit in your living room.”
“Sure it will.” I’m always right, so I tell the couch, “Don’t listen to her, she’s just being a big ol’ party pooper.”
“Kristine.” She took the ‘No, you’re not right’ tone, “The couch is WAH-Haaaaayyy too big for your living room. Let’s just measure it and then go home and measure your living room…just to be sure.”

‘Cita knows me. She should know by now that if the couch doesn’t fit…we buy a shoe horn and MAKE it fit. I licked the couch. It’s going home with me NOW…not later. I’m not a ‘later’ type of person. Because she’s been right a couple of times in the past, I decide to take her advise.

Guess what? The couch doesn’t fit. It doesn’t even come CLOSE to fitting. I was wron-cough-g.

In order to ease the pain of not bringing home a 120 foot by 120 foot couch, I went and bought the macro lens.

*curtsy*

The picture above, it’s a dog bone. ISN’T THAT FUCKING COOL!?

I got something in the mail today from William and Lauren. I’m going to post the pictures in the morning. SO cute. You’re all going to be running over to Poop and Boogies begging for some of her home made stuff.
(I can’t post a picture of the pillows…my mom will steal them)

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13
Sep
Hot Loan Guy…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


HOT LOAN GUY. HOT LOAN GUY. HOT LOAN GUY!!

I checked my account. I HAVE A COMMA!! He’s hot loan guy again!!

Now that I have my comma…all I need is to get is my period and all will be right in the world again!

Signed,
Kristine-get out my way! I’M GOING SHOPPING!

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13
Sep
112662470689046236
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: stuff portrait friday


It’s time to announce this weeks Stuff Portrait Friday. (In my head, I just sounded like the guy from The Price is Right)

This is going to be…Truly Random

Your Kitchen (I want to see if i’m the only one that doesn’t bleach their wood….oh that sounded kinky)

Your handwriting.

Something Random.

Yes, this week is going to be easy for you guys. I hear ya’all complaining that I making it too hard on you.

One day this week when I’m not chasing down the new dog demanding that it drop the damn toilet paper or harassing the Not-Hot-Loan-Guy, I will put a little tracker on my blog that shows who has the right to smack talk because they kicked ass on our football picks.
Last week, SOMEONE kicked ass and hasn’t even begun to smack talk…now If I had picked that many winners I would be prancing my ass around here talking ALL sorts of smack.

Oh, and Merry Widow is looking for a man. So is my mom. Metro has a car that a wife would look good in. I said I would look good in it, but he said I would have to get permission from Shaun first.

Whoa-HOLY HELL the coffee just kicked in.

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12
Sep
112658867262495337
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: damn dogs!, My Brats, tyler


OK, so the boy had a nice 15th birthday for the most part. The part about Jessica Alba jumping out of a cake didn’t exactly happen, but he FINALLY got his dog. After two excruciating days of waiting, the looped up dog (she was spayed this morning) got to come home tonight. After a couple hours at the park and watching the Diamond Kings get their asses kicked (Shaun was 2 for 2, obviously playing for next year’s big free agent contract), she got to check out her new home…..and Mooshu. Moosh was not too pleased about the new pooch, but I’m thinking they’ll be best buddies soon. Tyler’s been smiling all night, he’s loving this. Couldn’t happen to a better kid, really a loving, good-hearted boy who deserves at least this much. Happy birthday Tyler, and welcome to the home, Halo.

PS- There’s no truth to the Entertainment Tonight segment that claims adding this dog to Random and Odd was done to increasing ratings ala cousin Oliver on The Brady Bunch.

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12
Sep
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Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random

I gave him a couple of bucks. I would have given him a ten if he said Captain and Coke.

Blogger is being a bitch. I can’t comment on some blogs…for that, I am sorry. I am still reading and I am wanting to comment. Just go look at your comment section, think of something witty and then pretend I wrote it.

WELP. We are on day one million of STILL not having the money from my loan. I swear there is only so much I can take before I start to get mean. I called the title company today to make sure they wire that money that the lender wired to them on Friday to my bank account.

“We haven’t gotten the wire from the lender yet.” Nice lady says.
“But Hot Loan Guy said the lender send you the money on Friday and it would be in my bank account on Monday by 3pm.” I whine.
“Sorry sweetie, we don’t have the money yet, and we would still have to record with the county..and blah blah…no money until Tuesday… if…”

Did I ever tell you how many phones I have gone through in my life? I have this horrible problem of ‘dropping’ them when I mad.
I mean ‘dropping’ in the sense that I take the phone and throw it at the floor with such force that I look like I have just run it in for a touch down.

“Thank you nice lady. I am now going to call Hot Loan Guy and tell him where he’s going to shove it if I don’t get that money wired into my account today.” I hang up.

I want to drop kick the phone into the wall right now, but I can’t…because I am a calmer, more put together woman. I have a 15 year old boy in my house that needs a strong role model for a mother figure around. I have 4 girls that need to know that in situations like this…you can’t…just…THROW THE GOD DAMN PHONE AT THE WALL AND SCREAM.

I called the loan guy. He’s not ‘hot’ anymore. He would have remained hot if I had checked my account balance today and it had a comma in there. No comma…not hot anymore.
“Uh, you said the lender funded. The title has not gotten the money. I have no money.”
“Let me make a few phone calls.”

I think that phrase, in loan terms means: “Sweetie, bend over. You’re going to feel a little pressure and then a slight pinch.”

He’s going to call me back. The kids are at school so I might throw the phone after I hang up.

Don’t send cookies, send superglue.

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12
Sep
Dear Mom,
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Letters, The Fonz
Go get a cup of coffee and a smoke. You settled in nicely in your computer chair, mom?

Good.

Let’s just take a moment to laugh at the younger Kristine. The younger Kristine that in the wee hours of the morning would melodramaticly roll around in bed and complain of a stomach ache. I would toss my head from side to side complaining I was hot, no cold…no, hot again.

Let’s just giggle at the “I think I am going to throw up.” antics.

Let’s remember the tears I so effortlessly pushed forth to convince you of my horrible pains.

Now mother, go ahead…enjoy this moment. Because of you teaching me the fine art of the hand on the forehead and feeling for that blinding pain….your granddaughter is calling me every name in the book. She is…AS I TYPE…doing the dramatic stagger down the hall, accompanied by the deep cough followed by the whimper.

That girl doesn’t stand a chance. She doesn’t realize she comes from a long line of drama queens.

Thanks mom!!

Love your favorite daughter,
Kristine

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10
Sep
Halo…our new dog!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: damn dogs!, tyler
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Internet, meet our new pup. She’s a Australian Shepherd & Border Collie mix.

Right now she’s getting spayed, micro-chipped, all her shots and her oil changed.

We pick her up Monday.

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24
Sep
Ahhhh It’s all coming together…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
I’ve always wanted something nice that I can say, “Hey lookie…I got what I wanted!”



My couches showed up last night. They put them on my freshly cleaned carpets.

Finally. Finally I can say, “mine. I bought those from the store.” I can invite people over to my house and not be embarrassed of my horrible couches and stinky floor.

Shaun and I have been building our new house together. It needs a lot of work, but we are trying to get this place where we are comfortable and call it ‘our’ house instead of ‘my’ house or ‘kristine’s’ house.

We decided with the loan money what we wanted to do.
Tyler’s Room.
Baseboards.
Backyard.
Couches.
Trip.

and I asked him what he wanted. He said, “Nothing.”

So I bought him this:



50 inch High Definition television.

Bring on Football Season.

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22
Sep
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Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: stuff portrait friday

Too much shit going on this SPF…carpet cleanings, couches delivered. Total Blogger decootifying day today. Well, except for RSG’s black bra. Thats staying on the frame on the wall….cooties be damned.


OK, first item….something that seemed so perfect in the store was this freaking coffee maker. The lid doesn’t close right, and the coffee tastes funky, the LED screen flashes 666, and the coffee pit spins in circles and spews pea soup.


The cell phone. One of three triplets of the Cingular trio of terror in this house. The little circle on the front of the phone is a mirror. Perfect for checking your make-up, checking your teeth, or in case you like it kinky when Cingular is fucking you.


The man in my life……BAMF….Big Daddy loves me. There’s nothing really to say that hasn’t already been said.

The follow-ups on this week’s SPF might be slower than usual with all the domesticated-like goings on, so please feel free to comment amongst yourselves as I roll around on the freshly cleaned floors and new couches. We saved the old couches…..hurricane down south, you know. Never know if refugee bloggers are gonna knock at the door.

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22
Sep
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Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: stuff portrait friday


Don’t forget to get your pictures!!

Pissy, that big ol’ nerdlinger already posted a picture of her camera she got from her hubby for their anniversary. Could she wait a day? Noooooooo….little miss jump the SPF gun.

Sept 23rd-It’s Odd!

Something that was perfect in the store, but awful when you got it home.

Your cell phone
Your camera

Reminder: I am still taking donations for SFG and Very Zen. As soon as I get the confirmation of shipment to Very Zen I will let you all see what we got her and the hubs.
I’m still waiting for a certain Southern Fried Girl to email me her address.
(me thinks she is afraid of me stalking her *wiggling eyebrows*)

I’m worried about some of our blogging buddies that are in TX. Merry Widow and Sarcastic Journalist and about a million others. Pray…send good vibes…you guys kick ass at that.

Shaun and I still haven’t decided where we are going on first vacation together. I threw my hands up in the air (ew, that just grossed me out, the image of me tossing my own hands up in the air…ack…wayyyy too much Nip/Tuck lately) and let him decide.
I might end up in a double wide trailer with two cousins outside of a KOA campground.

The couches get here tomorrow. Can you see me doing the happy dance in my chair?

I ordered, “He’s not that into you” from Ebay today. I can’t wait to read this book!

ALSO…Charlotte started the ‘From My Pad To Yours’ where we will be passing around an adorable stuffed animal for all of us to take pictures of and post to the blog!
Go sign up. Especially you Shelli! I have a pair of Toe Socks I can throw in there with the frog for you!!

I just spent 5 minutes linking everything on this post. It’s a record for me!

DON’T FORGET TO PLAY SPF —- TOMORROW IS FRIDAY!!

(Shaun, remind me that tomorrow is Friday when I go to get into bed at 11pm and I have forgotten to upload my pictures…thanks!)

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22
Sep
….wine, pizza and green salsa
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


When I first got the email from one of my readers about doing a restaurant review I was a little bit leery, yet touched.
I read the email outloud to Shaun. He was dead set against it. He said by going out there and having a dinner and writing something fluffy about this place would just be a big ol’ sell out for Random and Odd.
My eyebrows crawled into my hairline and my mouth dropped open.
“But…”
“No Kristine, you’re not selling out. You email him back and tell him thank you but you’re not interested.” Shaun was stern. Too stern.
“You’re fucking with me right? Shaun…they serve pizza and hamburgers…a higher class pizza and hamburger. AND WINE. A place where I can eat pizza and drink WINE. ”
Yes, he was fucking with me. A free hamburger to Shaun is like a lap dance to most guys.

River K (i’m going to pretend the K stands for Kristine) is right by the movie theaters. If I wasn’t afraid that my children were going to burn the house down making toaster struddles, I would have been tempted to pull a ‘dinner and movies’ night.
This place is around the corner from my house, yet I felt like I was in the city doing cool city things.

I would like to think I can hang on to the exciting young woman I once was. The woman that can go out and have a couple of drinks with a good looking guy. Last night I had that. It felt good to go out to a nice place that has a big-city feel to it. One side of the wall is a clear garage door that they opened up to this huge patio. They had this jazzy music playing that made you feel like you were somewhere else. At all times I know how far I am away from my house, it’s the curse my mother put on me. Last night I didn’t feel like I was that close to home.



Shaun and I have a small handful of restaurants we agree on. He doesn’t like my Chinese restaurant and I hate his Del Taco. Finding a place that we can both agree on is nearly impossible. I like sit down and relax. He likes hamburgers.
AND BY THE GRACE OF GOD WE FOUND A PLACE WE CAN AGREE ON!
The food was great too. I had the pesto chicken brick oven pizza and he had a….let’s say it together now…HAMBURGER.
“Kristine, it’s real meat.”
I was tempted to ask him what the other hamburgers he has been shoveling in his face for the past two years were made of, but I was too busy fingering the green salsa.



I’m just going to take a moment to talk about the salsa: It was green. I don’t like green runny things, but i’m a wussy when it comes to spicy salsa and mild is the only kind I can eat. It was green. Did I mention the green already?
It was so damn good.
“Shaun, try the green salsa. It tastes so fresh.”
“Because it is, they just told you that.”
“I wasn’t listening, I was to busy eating it.”
Ryan offered to send me home with a cup of it, but like Shaun so accurately stated, “I’ll come home and she will be eating it with a spoon.”



For once the D70 doesn’t do something justice. It had a lot of flavor and was much bigger than I expected (Try some green salsa on it…Ohhhh so good.)



Internet, meet Ryan and Gregor. Ryan leaves for college tomorrow so wish him good luck on his adventure into political science.
Gregor is the guy that runs the show. I think it’s because of this guy that the restaurant is going to do so well.
While eating my dinner…okay, while shoving the green salsa into my purse…I watched him sit down with an older couple and just chat with them. The woman’s eyes lit up and her whole demeanor changed. She was thrilled to have the manager come sit and chat.
That action alone made this visit worthwhile.
Yes the food was great, the prices were good, the place was super clean…but the people there, all of them, were so relaxed that it made you feel comfortable.

They offered anyone in the Sacramento area (or if you’re from Houston visiting to avoid the storm) to hook you guys up. Just say that Kristine sent you and they will make sure you’ll leave happy. Make a point to talk to Gregor about the history of River K. He has thee most beautiful smile when he is talking about his place and the direction he wants it to go in.

And bring a Tupperware bowl to smuggle out the green salsa!!

*banner by Shaun

* more pictures at flickr

* River K official website

1563 Eureka Road
Roseville, CA 95661

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21
Sep
SPF- It’s Odd
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: stuff portrait friday
Sept 23rd-It’s Odd!

Something that was perfect in the store, but awful when you got it home.

Your cell phone
Your camera

These are all ideas from you guys. Emails and Flickr group suggestions.
I need more ideas…and someone to poke me and remind me to update. Thanks Mel for that reminder this week!

The Camera picture can be taken in a mirror or you can just google a picture of it.

I have this other idea in my head, much like the traveling lawn gnome, except not a lawn gnome because those things just creep me out.
Someone starts the ‘vacationing _______’ blog. They get another bloggers address and mails them this stuffed animal (it’s easy to mail and won’t break) and after the blogger gets the stuffed animal, they take a picture with it and then they upload it to the blog with the state it was in and then send it off to someone else.
Yeah, stupid idea…I’m just going batty here at home all day waiting by the mail box for cookies.
If you start this thing, let me know. I’m in.

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21
Sep
Misfit told me to get up and move around. I am. today I am.
Posted By: Random and Odd  //  Category: Random


Oh. My. God.

I’m not going to say ANYTHING about the season two marathon I sat through because I want every single one of you to go get season one and season two of Nip/Tuck and watch them both.
and then you too will be saying…. Oh. My. God!

Last nights season premiere had a very large woman who had sat on the couch for 3 years and had become one with that couch. You know what started it? Her sciatic nerve. She got tired of walking around and having shooting pains down her leg. It felt better sitting than walking and housework became to much for her so she just sat down and never got up.
I sat there last night with my mouth just hanging down as this huge woman told my story.

Many times in television shows I hear something I never forget. In Sopranos, Dr Melfi said; “People have a desire to repeat things in their life, may they be good or bad.”

It was after watching that show of Sopranos that I decided to break up with the guy I was with. In fact, I got up after the episode was over and went home. I never went back. He wasn’t a pattern I wanted to keep repeating in my life.
Notice that I didn’t call him my boyfriend? He wasn’t. He was someone that used me and that I let manipulate me. I knew I was allowing it to happen, but I chose to tell myself and those around me that I wasn’t looking for a relationship, just someone to kill the time. Rereading my journal from that time tells a different story. It’s painful to reread the things I wrote. The hurt, pain and frustration of trying to pretend that it didn’t matter. It did matter, not because I loved him…but because I loved myself and I was destroying myself trying to save face.

When I started this blog I thought back to how much more exciting it would have been if I had been writing it a year or two before I met Shaun. The characters would have been filled with exciting details and the adventures would have kept you all on your toes.
You all would have thought, “Wow, she is so interesting.”
I had to grab my journal to make sure I had the quote from Dr. Melfi right and in the process I started reading.
You wouldn’t have thought I was exciting. You would have saw me for who I was. Lonely, Pathetic and Sad. I thought I had this wall up because I was afraid to look like a fool. Rereading my life makes me feel sad for that fool that had the wall up.

I would never want to go back to that time in my life. In fact, just rereading about it makes me want to cry. I didn’t think it was so bad during that time. Times were good. Friends were everywhere. In my journal I wrote the quote, “I have to believe that something extraordinary is going to happen.” and then I wrote, ‘That is what I’m waiting for. I’m holding out for the extraordinary.’

This is my extraordinary. This time right now. These children. This man. This blog. You. Me. This life is extraordinary.
How did I get here? What did I do right?
Was it just saying that I was going to hold out for it, or was it getting up off that couch and walking out the door?

Last night on Nip/Tuck I saw myself at 500 lbs because it hurt to get up and move around. It hurt to get up off that guys couch and walk out the door too.

I’m not going to look back two years from now and realize all I needed to do was to make it hurt for a little while to make it all better…to make it extraordinary.

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20
Sep
Anything but down…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


Doc Hitler is staying home with me to make sure I stay in bed and get better again. Last night was rough. Shooting pains all down my left leg kept me from truly enjoying my 6 hour marathon of Christian Troy in all his nudity.
For those of you that don’t watch Nip/Tuck, WHY ARE YOU NOT WATCHING THIS SHOW? I know, I know…It’s hard to get into a show you haven’t watched. I feel the same way about Cat’s Veronica Mars show she loves. I want to get into it, I want to support her crazy habits…but I just can’t get into it.
Nip/Tuck was made for me. They thought, “hmmm, how can we make Kristine happy? Let’s make a show that is entertaining, has lots of male bootie, a couple good looking guys, throw in a few gangsters and then come up with the most random and odd story lines.”

Well, I have about another 9 hours of Nip/Tuck. Doc Hitler will be on the comptuer so if you see me online, it’s really him…so keep the kinky talk to a minimum.
If I have promised to make you a masthead or Shaun to design you something, now would be the perfect time to tell me…it will keep him busy and off Ebay buying baseball cards.

How you all doing? You doing okay? What’s going on with you all? I can’t make it to your blogs to keep up…fill me in okay?

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19
Sep
112715883334186155
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


I spent the weekend at my cousin’s house trying to install her DSL. I remembered why I hate my degree. Computers suck.

The third season of Nip/Tuck starts tomorrow and I have only watched the first season. I went to Target this morning to buy the second season so I can have a marathon and catch up. Unfortunately, I am a moron and can’t figure out how to get the DVD player to work in the living room. How I got a degree in technology is beyond me.

Halo has found her favorite chew toy. MY ELBOWS. I can’t sit at the computer and type without my arms tucked in. You would think by listening to me during the day that my vocabulary only consists of “DOWN!” “NO!” “STOP IT!” “EWWWW!” “HALLLLOOO!” “DROP IT!” “COME HERE!”

Shaun and I are going to take our very first bye-bye trip WITHOUT kids in October. I’m not sure where we will end up. If you have any suggestions, feel free to toss them in. We would like to stay in California and go no further than Monterey.

My back is out UH-GAIN. I swear I feel like a 90 year old woman over here.

Okay, I need to go find a comfy spot on the couch. Oh yeah, I have a new set of couches coming on Friday.

Click here to check them out.

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19
Sep
This is only a test……….
Posted By: Random and Odd  //  Category: Random
***This is the test of the missing blogger alert system. Bloggers, in association with local and federal internet users, have established this test. In the event of an actual missing blogger, the signal you just heard would have been followed by official news or instructions. This is only a test***

Shaun here-

OK, its Monday afternoon and Kristine hasn’t blogged since the Stuff Portrait Friday post. Why, you might ask? Here are your options:

(A) Her newfound love of the Amish has demanded she excuse herself from modern conveniences such as digital cameras and the internet.

(B) She’s busy bleaching the cabinets and door jams.

(C) She’s got twelve episodes of Nip/Tuck TiVo’d and needs to watch them before the new season premiere tomorrow night.

I’ll give you a minute. Use scratch paper if needed. Annnnnnnnnd, time’s up.

Yes, she’s on a TiVo bender as you’re reading. No commercials, no breaks. Maybe the kids get picked up, maybe not. Food and bathroom breaks are for the weak. But there’ll definitely be hot chicks getting boob jobs (and more) wealthy, hunky plastic surgeons. Mingle amongst yourselves, it’ll be awhile.

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16
Sep
SPF – Random Style
Posted By: Random and Odd  //  Category: Random


My Kitchen Right hand side:



My Kitchen Left hand side:



My handwriting:



Something Random: I like to call these two dolls that William’s wife, Lauren made for us…Random and Odd.



Sorry it took so long to post these. I tried to do it last night, but Flickr was having an affair with Blogger.
This morning I have been chasing the dog from Hades around the house removing things from the dogs mouth. Cups, papers, Shaun’s shoes and a small loveseat.



Well did you play?

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02
Oct
Just For A Week…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


I woke up this morning to a few emails that pissed me off.

I have haters…people don’t like me for some reason or another. I don’t care. I just hit delete and move on.
One of the useful things I learned while being in relationships where an exwife/exgirlfriend doesn’t like you is don’t acknowledge them or the behavior, it just feeds the fire.

This is different this time. I have SPAM. At first I slowly would go through like a happy little gardener and pull the SPAM out of my blog comments. This morning I had like 25 of them!

I can handle the hate mail because in a twisted way it’s entertaining. I hate spam though. I am thinking Random and Odd got some funny comments and I will have a morning of reading some cool comments and lurking on the commenter’s site. Nope.

I did something this morning I thought I would never never never do. I put that word verification up. HATE those word verification things. I’m dyslexic so it takes about 4 times to get the letters right. I can HEAR my brain slamming shut every time I see them on blogs.

One Week. If after a week I am still getting Spam. I’m going to start kicking some spamass.

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01
Oct
Merry Widow is Right…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Shaun

Shaun is dreamy.

Seeing him with a football makes me weak in the knees.

Don’t forgot to make your fantasy football picks…it’s tomorrow.
I swear I am going to kick some virtual ass this week because i’m tired of hearing it on a certain someone’s blog about how good she’s doing!

Oh there is just something about football season that makes every nerve ending tingle.

*wiggling eyebrows*

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30
Sep
We have been BLOGFROGGED!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


Yesterday we got a nice package in the mail. It was Crazy Legs! He’s made the trip from Charlotte and Sue’s place to come hang out with us.

So far nothing too exciting has happened. He hung out with the kids and almost croaked when Shea took off her shoes and the smell overwhelmed him.
He got a bit tipsy off the bottle of wine we shared. He told me secrets about Sue and Charlotte. He told me that on his first outing with them that Sue got a bit handsy. He is questioning if she’s as serious about Charlotte as she seems. Me thinks he has a wee bit o’ the crush on her.

Today he went to school with Alyx. He had a bit of a scuffle on the playground with a bully about some neopet cards. He insisted that the other kid started it when he called him a fly eater.
I think it might have something to do with the slight hangover he had.

Crazy Legs has been a comfort to me in the past couple of days. I’ve been going through a bunch of stuff with my health and with my family. He sat with me early this morning and sang some Irish song. It was about the love of certain mouse and how the uncle came in between that love.
It was sad, but there is something about an Irish frog singing to you, your other problems seem less significant.

Tomorrow Shaun has his football game. Crazy Legs said that Sue forgot to pack his pom pom and skirt. He asked if the team needed a kicker because he had a pair of legs on him that didn’t stop. He is quite wirey!

Kara said she wanted to take him to school on Monday. She said her Biology/Science teacher is VERRRRRRRYYYYYY interested in meeting the frog.

I’ll keep you posted.

Go check out the official Blog Frog Website: FROM MY PAD TO YOURS

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29
Sep
SPF Ryan’s Suggestions!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


Welcome to Stuff Portrait Friday. If you have never played before, here’s your chance. Go take pictures from the three suggestions and post them on your blog today.
After you’re done, come back here and let us know you all played so we can come see your stuff.
Go on, it’s not too late!

Sept 30th-Ryan Suggestions!

Something in your house that isn’t where it should be.


The boy should have his own room. Shaun and I are working on getting that to happen. Soon the boy will have a room bigger than the master bedroom.

Something you broke, but kept it.


I bought this fireplace kit years ago at Target for like 4 bucks on sale. Every time you reach for the shovel or anything…it falls apart.

Food that you have in your house that you never eat (or drink)


I bought this last week as a last ditch effort to lose weight. OH.MY.GOD this stuff could gag a maggot!



No one in our house drinks beer. I have a bunch of these left from a BBQ and also a whole case of something else that Pissy couldn’t finish. (Don’t tell anyone, but that woman can’t drink at all…she’s a wussy!)

Okay, did you play??

Hope you all have a great weekend. We have a big green guest visiting us for the weekend. I’m going to see if he likes Corona Light and Captain Morgan.

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29
Sep
Peanut Butter Cookies & Peppermint Treats
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Anxiety, Random
When something is mentally bothering me you know it. I have always had this habit of biting or picking on my lips.
My mother use to tell me that I was going to get lip cancer if I didn’t stop it. I would pick until they bled. It was horrible.
I got better, but it went from my lips to my fingers. When things are really, really bad I get this thing on my nose that makes me look like I was attacked by wild birds. The thing on my nose is proportional to any guilt I am feeling for something I have done.

A couple of days ago my friend took me to Starbucks and flat out asked me, “What are you stressing about?”
I shrugged it off and said, “Nothing.” all the while chewing on my thumb.
She asked me if I would like a mirror. The lipstick had worn off on my latte straw and you could see how red my lip had gotten from the biting and picking.
“Are you trying to gnaw off your fingerprints too?”
I slowly removed my thumb mid bite.

“Lots of things.” I admitted.


My mom called me last weekend and said that they are going to spread my grandmother’s ashes this upcoming weekend.
I felt like someone had ripped out my heart.
For the past 13 years my grandmother’s ashes have been with my mom where they have been respected and safe.
For as long as I can remember, when my grandma was alive, my mom took care of her. She drove her to doctor appointments & the store. She cooked for her. She was the one my grandma called when she wanted to talk. During those last few years of her life my mom and dad moved her to their property so my mom was walking distance from her.
The thought of my grandma not being with my mom has hit me harder than I thought.

When my grandma died 13 years ago, it was hard not having closure. A funeral would have been great for that. As the years passed, I excepted the fact that she wouldn’t be there to call and ask those stupid questions to.
That woman was the smartest person I have ever met. She was a school teacher in Oakland, California. Honestly I would have dropped out of school if she was my teacher because she was one mean ass, but as a grandma she was the best.
She made cookies and always had cheap hard candies in her green tupperware bowls. She spanked me only once and it was because I helped Buffy Headrick light a fire out in the woods. She promised never to tell my parents and probably never did.

The thought of reaching out and taking her ashes doesn’t give me any sort of warm, fuzzy feelings. I don’t think dropping her ashes in the dirt is going to give me any closure.
In fact it feels like I am losing her again!

I haven’t told the girls. I’m not really sure how to explain that to them. I’m still waiting for someone to explain it to me.


Kara Lynn and Carolyn 1993
If she were to call me on the phone, like she has so many times in my dreams, she would tell me to reach in there and just do it.
She would say, “Krissy, it’s just ashes. You told me you didn’t want me a grave, remember? I want this. You should respect that.”

I know this. My grandma was so much like my sister. She was level headed and calm. She was never about anything ‘drama’ (even though she liked her soap operas). She said her piece and if you didn’t agree with her – then you were wrong and you’d have to live with it. She would love to be able to say, “I told you so.”

My aunt and uncle will be there on Sunday and requested we spread my grandma’s ashes at my brother’s property. I have five days to come to terms with this.

Just let it be known, when Mom goes, we’re going to stuff her like Roy Rogers did to his horse Trigger and put her in the car so Kathy won’t have to drive alone across bridges and will be able to use the car pool lane.

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27
Sep
SPF: Step Son Suggestions
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: stuff portrait friday


I am so excited! My step son, Ryan (Dan’s son) has a computer now and we got to chat the other night.
He’s so funny. I had no idea he got his dad’s sense of humor and made it better.
I told him I was trying to think up some idea’s for this thing I do on my blog.
He then says, “Oh SPF?”

Dear God in Heaven, my step son reads my blog. After I cleaned up after wetting myself, I told him I was sorry for any bad-mouthing of his father I might have done. He just laughed. I don’t think he holds it against me, he has had to put up with him for 15 years too.

So, this week we dedicate SPF to my step son, Ryan. He came up with the ideas.

SEPT 30th

1. Something in your house that isn’t where it should be.

2. Something you broke, but kept it.

3. Food that you have in your house that you never eat (or drink)

Internet, meet my step son, Ryan.


Kara and Ryan 8 months & 2


Kara and Ryan 12 &15

Dear Lord…I am getting old

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27
Sep
The Bitch is Back…for a week at least.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: friends


Don’t you love checking your messages and hearing an old friend demand that you meet them at the bar?

I do.

For the long time readers of Random and Odd you have been quietly following the happenings of Jessica.

It’s been almost one year since she decided to up and move because her boyfriend flipped out and started stalking her. I always thought that was weird. She was already with him, what was the need to stalk?
She moved to Oregon and did what every fun loving 21 year old does when they run from the state to avoid being stalked. She got a job at a porn shop.
I didn’t hear from her for awhile and then I get a phone call. The hooker ass bitch took the stalker back and he decided to take his freak to a whole new level. He decided to hit her.

She was going to move back to California and I would have my girlfriend back! Then the bitch decides to move to Idaho.
IDAHO? Who the hell moves to Idaho on their own free will?

she does.

A month or so ago I got another phone call. She had just graduated BOOT CAMP! I didn’t even know she joined the army.
She’s not really too good at letting me know when she leaves. She left me at a bar once.
I called her to ask her where she was. I thought maybe she had crossed the street to go to a different bar.
“Jessica, where are you?”
“I’m in the car, i’m going to the Tree.”
“Jessica…you left me at the bar we were just at. Come back here and get me.”
“Shit, I thought I forgot something.”

I love her to death, but she’s going to give me a damn heart attack. She’s loving the whole Army thing. She hasn’t changed much though. She still laughs with her whole body and her smile still makes me smile.

She leaves for NY for a month and then she is shipped off to some place with gun fire.

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26
Sep
I didn’t want to do this…but I guess I have to.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
The traveling blog frog needs a name.

Shaun and I suggested “Crazy Legs O’Houlihan” and as of Friday it was winning in the poll.

Today, we have dropped behind “Grog”.

WHO NAMES A FROG – GROG?

This frog needs a respectible name like CrazyLegs! Crazy Legs!!

Go vote.

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26
Sep
Shaun’s little brother has a way with the women too!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random

Scott and Sienna

When I met Shaun’s family for the first time I was skeptical that Scott was really Shaun’s ‘little’ brother. Scott is about 5 feet taller and is lacking all hair follicles on the top of his head. Shaun’s dad looks younger than Scott.
I proudly announced to anyone that listened that I had gotten the runt of the family, but the pick of the litter.

Shaun is your typical ‘older’ brother. He still bosses and smack talks with his little brother and sister. Unlike my older brothers, he doesn’t cause bodily damage through flicking. I was a little worried when I saw Shaun picking on his younger brother when we first met.
Scott can crush Shaun with his baseball mitt hands. I was even MORE worried when I heard he was going to have twins.

I didn’t express it out loud, but I thought of the character from “Of Mice and Men”, Lennie. He didn’t mean to crush the little animals, but he was so big…


Sienna

I was wrong…he is super gentle and a very loving father. Layla and Sienna are 5 days old. We went over to their house this weekend to take pictures and fight over which one we got to hold.

Layla was cute, but Shaun’s sister called dibs. So when they get older and everyone wants to know why I have 785 pictures of Sienna and 6 of Layla, I can explain.

Little feet and hands. I swear it seems like yesterday that I was the new mom reminding people to make sure you hold their heads right and keep the socks on so the feetsies stay warm.
Now i’m bummed out because I want new babies. I messed the last bunch up, I wanna start all over!
I’m ready for the staying up all night worrying. I’m ready for the crying. I’m ready for the screaming bath & bedtimes. I’m ready for having to drive around so they’ll fall asleep. I’m ready for the thousands of dollars on clothes and toys.

WAIT JUST A MINUTE…I am STILL doing all of this with the kids I have!

Screw it, at least I don’t have to change the 12 year old’s diaper.

Congrats to Scott and Sonya. Welcome to the world of thousands of dollars spent on shoes and everything pink.


Layla

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25
Sep
She’s A Loyal Dog
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: damn dogs!


Tyler is playing Mega Man something or other and I can hear him giggling behind me.

“Halo…see the red guys? They are the bad guys. Get the bad guys Halo!”

I turn around to see the dog watching the TV for the bad guys. As soon as the bad guy comes out, Halo starts licking the TV…



and when that didn’t work…she started to try to BITE the TV.



No one told me it would be like this.

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11
Oct
112905399647901966
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: stuff portrait friday


Oh CLASS……CLASSSS!…..settle down in here.

This week is another, ‘fly by the seat of my pants’ SPF because AS USUAL, i’m not prepared and can’t find my emails which would give me great suggestions.

This weeks assignment is going to be a bit different. Shaun gets mad at me when I turn STUFF into SELF, but he’s blogless and can’t counter-complain.

SPF: Friday 14 – That’s how i see it

1. The best picture you have ever taken of something/someone

2. The best picture of yourself & why you think it is.

3. A favorite picture that someone else took/painted/doodled

We all see things differently. I have favorite famous artists, but mostly I have a handful of people on Flickr that just amaze and inspire me.
We all see something pretty in ourselves and other people…show me yours.

Remember if you’re posting someone else’s work, cite them…link the site that the picture originated from. If someone has a whole gallery of pictures…add the link so we can all enjoy!

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10
Oct
112900837637003741
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Wedding


I called my ex-husband and told him the news. He was…happy. I think. I don’t know. Shaun told his ex and she was happy for us too.
We haven’t told his parents yet. Shaun’s sister got engaged this weekend too and we didn’t want to spoil her ‘moment in the spotlight’.
I’m FREAKING OUT to tell his grandmas. I want to be there though. I want those hugs they are going to shell out.

Even though this is one of the happiest times of my whole life, I am feeling a bit bitter in some places.
During the ‘spreading of my grandma’s ashes’ I had a fall out with my dad. He said some things to me that I only read in my hate mail folder. Because i’m a Seguin, I am stubborn and I won’t call him so he can apologize, even though he told my mom he felt bad.
I called and left a message on his machine saying, “I didn’t want you to hear it from anyone else…Shaun proposed this weekend…I’m getting married. Bye.”

Shaun and I are waiting for his son, Dennis to come home from Afghanistan and for his dad to fully recover from his heart attack before we even start planning this thing. I wouldn’t even begin to know how to plan it. I did a fine job of it when I was younger and thought that my whole happiness hinged on if I had the perfect dress, flowers and EVERYONE I ever knew was there. This time around I am so much smarter. If I could have the wedding budgeted under 15 bucks I would happy. Maybe I can use that left over beer in my fridge for the reception?

I got home from the store today and removed my soap from the box and Shea grabbed it from out of the trash.
“We are going to need this.”
Shea has been on this Pokemon card collecting spree and I figured it was to store some of her cards in there.
She turned to Alyx and said, “We will use this to practice being flower girls.”

Shaun’s son, Dennis IMed me tonight and told me he saw the picture of the ring. He asked, “What Cracker Jack Box did he find that thing in?”
It’s a antique 1940′s engagement and wedding ring…a ring with some history. Dennis laughed and said, “If I wasn’t in the army and a war hero…I would say it was ‘pretty’”
I think all that camouflage is going to his head.

I will update the SPF for this week later on today.

Thank you so much on all the kinds words!

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09
Oct
news?
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Wedding


Dear Diary,

I know it has been a long time since I have written in you, but this is something I want to remember for the rest of my life.

Shaun and I went to Monterey, California this weekend. We got a room at the Hyatt which had the softest bed, with SIX down pillows. We drove to Cannery Row and walked around for a few hours. It was exactly as I remembered it when I was a little girl there with my mom and dad. It was still as magical as it was when I was 12. We went into almost every shop they had. I don’t remember Starbucks being there the last time I was there, but I was grateful it was this time.



As the sun went down we drove along the coast and just ‘ooh’ed and aww’ed’ the beautiful homes along the coastline. I just kept saying, “I can’t even imagine having a home with THAT view!”
We just kept driving. Most people would have classified that as ‘romantic’, but to me it was ‘quiet’. We didn’t have 5 kids in the back of the car demanding that we switch the radio station. I just kept looking over at Shaun and smiling. He would smile back and we would both giggle because we knew — no kids in the car.



When I was a little girl my mother and I walked to the end of Cannery Row where construction was going on.
My dad told us they were building an Aquarium and showed us the plans on the board outside. My mom pointed out how huge it was going to be by just the size of this window they had already installed. She promised me that someday we would come back and be able to see it.
Shaun and I went there Saturday morning and I almost cried. It was so much bigger than my young mind could ever imagine. I could have sat there and watched those jellyfish for hours. Everything was mind blowing.
The fish there were bigger than my first car.



Shaun asked me what I wanted to do next and I couldn’t wait to go drive along the coastline to a stretch of road called “The 17 Mile Drive”.
I could remember my mom being so excited as we drove it when I was younger and pointing out all the big houses. My dad was in awe of the golf courses.
“I’m going to play that someday.” My dad boasted as he pointed out Pebble Beach Golf Course.



My favorite part of the drive was this single tree that grew out on this cliff. As a 12 year old you would think that it would be the lamest thing, but the way my mom told the story of how the tree had been there for years and years and how it was now preserved out there so it would always be there just made me feel safe.

Shaun and I walked down the stairs to the viewing area. I took about a hundred pictures of the tree. It was just as beautiful as I remembered it.
I sat on the bench that surrounded the viewing area, crossed my legs and took a deep breath. Shaun turned around and looked at me and said I looked so relaxed.

I was.

He then got down on one knee with ring in hand and said, “Then this would be the perfect time to ask you to marry me.”

It was the perfect time, the perfect place, the perfect man.



I said yes.

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09
Oct
Guess Where We Went On Our Trip?
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random

I make things too easy for you people.

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06
Oct
SPF – Have a great summer! Stay Cool!! BBF!!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: stuff portrait friday


How bad do I suck? Let me tell you. I come up with a good SPF theme, and I can’t find my damn yearbook!

So for you viewing pleasure, I give you…old photos:

My Student Body Card:


The pictures that didn’t make it on the card for obvious reasons:



My Prom Picture (age 16):



My First Real Boyfriend, Ethan Thompson (ages: 17):


Yes, that is a beer in one hand and smoke in the other. OOOOOh this girl just loooooved the bad boys!

My Best Friend ( 7th Grade):



My Best Friend ( all groweded up)



I also had my bestest Friend Jennifer Edelmann…but I can’t find that book of pictures. She deserves her own post anyway.

And as for the person I didn’t like so much…well, I googled her and there is a good chance she might be a record producer so I don’t want to give her any more attention than she got in High School or now. Hooker Ass Bitch.

READ THIS: Shaun and I are going on our VERY FIRST alone bye-bye trip so don’t be mad at me if I don’t come to your blog and comment. I have about 39 things I need to get done before I leave and the MOST important is shaving my legs. When did shaving my legs become so low on the priority list?

Did you play?

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05
Oct
I had to send him on to the next person…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: friends, Random

The Blog Frog stayed ONE night too many!!, originally uploaded by randomandodd.
This frog is more handsy than Recovering Straight Girl on 8 Cosmos!

He cusses more than Pissy on a rampage.

He smoke ALL my cigs and pissed on my neighbors lawn (that was the highlight of our night)

I knew it was time to send him packing when I found him spooning Minnie Mouse.

I kind of expected this type of behavior when he went to visit Bucky or Jessica Rabbit…but not here. Not in this good christian home.

Jbo, check his backpack. He smuggled something out from BlogThis 2005…just don’t let him drink it on his last night.
He hates flying with a hangover. Just like Recovering Straight Girl ;)

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05
Oct
Another Open Letter to my Mom….
Posted By: Random and Odd  //  Category: Random
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, originally uploaded by randomandodd.
Mom,

I’m really sorry for all the times I stole your brush, hair dryer, curling iron and make up when I was growing up.

NOW PLEASE CALL OFF THIS DAMN CURSE!

See that picture of you? That is a picture of you MOCKING ME! You’re laughing at me because you KNOW I’m going to suffer through FOUR teenage girls.

Why didn’t you put this curse on Kathy? She is the bad child…NOT ME!

Please, seriously mom…call off the, “I hope you have a daughter just like you” curse.

I’d offer to bribe you…with say, I don’t know…brushing your hair…BUT I CAN’T FIND ANY BRUSHES IN THIS HOUSE!

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05
Oct
112854044243133850
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: stuff portrait friday


Sorry it’s taking so damn long to hand out our assignments.
I actually mentioned to Shaun about handing over SPF to someone else because i’m lagging on it lately. I had no idea it would get so big.
He thought I had lost my mind. He said, “But that’s your THING.” He then mentioned that maybe it was time to give SPF a actual domain. Everyone can upload their pictures to the site instead of people having to run around to other people’s blog.
I pointed out, “That’s why we like SPF so much…you get to go to other people’s blog and people that don’t normally get comments, get comments…and then they go to that person’s blog..and so on.”

I got these awesome ideas from someone in an email…and because i’m all juked up on Theraflu right now, there is no way I can sort through the emails to find it.
(next week, I promise)

October 7, 2005

Your Yearbook (any year)
The person who made life hell for you.
The person you still talk to.

If you have no yearbooks…pictures of you between the age of 13-18. Tell us a story about the weazel that made your life hell. (Maybe they will google themselves and find your story…and feel like crap!)

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04
Oct
Oh for the love of all that is holy, make it stop!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: ex, Random


At 10:30 last night my body said, “Done.” and I got sick. I’ve never been able to pin point getting sick so quickly. One minute I’m doing great, the next it feels like I have been sick for 4 days.

I didn’t take any medicine because medicine makes me sicker. It makes me throw up. For some deep seeded reasons I don’t want my girls to hear me throw up. Even though I am not under any cool hallucinogenics, I’m trippin.

The Ex came over after I told him the girls were sick. He brought them McDonalds. EVERYONE knows that sugary pancakes and thick milk ALWAYS make things better. He brought me a McMuffin and because I know that someday when i’m not sick I will whine that he didn’t bring me one. He will use the excuse, “You didn’t eat that one I brought you.” So I ate it.

Yes, I realize I have a much better relationship with my exhusband that most of the human race. We get along better now that I don’t have to live with him. Now that I don’t have to see him everyday. Now that he’s not the first person I see in the morning and the last thing I see before I go to bed. Yes, we get a long MUCH better now that I don’t have to measure out the rat poison before dinner.

The ex sucks when it comes to taking care of people when they are sick. He does the bare minimum and when that doesn’t work he turns around and blames them for being sick.

“Well, maybe if you didn’t stay outside for hours in the rain, you wouldn’t be sick.” He would explain.
“Well, maybe if you had told them to come in the apartment instead of allowing them to play in the rain they wouldn’t be sick.” I would defend.

Like I said in all the past posts…not too smart.

He always believed that when I was sick, it was all in my head. EVERY TIME. I wasn’t allowed to get sick. When I get sick I apologize to everyone because I feel like I am letting them down.

Today, in his most sarcastic tone he said, “Sick again huh?”
“uh-huh. My throat is so sore and my head is pounding. It feels like I was hit by a truck.”
“Yeah, it’s all in your head.”

I sat up on the pillows and squinted my eyes to help me focus on something on his shoulder.
“Come here a second.” I leaned forward towards him. He leaned in a little bit and looked at his shoulder and when he didn’t see anything he looked at me.

I coughed.

“Call me in a few days and we talk about this cold that’s all in my head okay? GIRLS! come give you daddy a big ol’ kiss on the lips, he’s leaving!!”

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03
Oct
112838259461095991
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


I have a doctor appointment next week. I made it with the OB/GYN that delivered my three girls. Having someone new poke around there wasn’t something I was ready for, so I just made the appointment with him…without insurance. (insert cash register sound here)

To say I’m scared is an understatement.

You know how when you go to the dentist and you KNOW you’re going to get in trouble for waiting so long to go and the dentist asks you the question, “You been flossing?” and you lie and say yes?

or

When you take your car in because it has gone from ‘running funny’ to ‘making a really loud knocking sound’ and the mechanic looks and you and says, “If you would have brought this in about 2 months ago I would have just replaced this part, but now you need a whole overhaul.” ?

Yeah, well I have a feeling when they get under my hood they are NOT going to be too happy with me.

I should have just went in when I had gone from running funny to making that knocking sound.

I’m pretty sure they might need to replace my whole transmission.

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17
Oct
In a time long, long ago…I use to be more in touch with my ‘self’
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
I use to write poetry. Words would flow from my pen and I couldn’t stop them. My pain, excitement, my experiences would fill the pages of my journal. Then I stopped smoking pot and somehow it just didn’t come as easily. So my poetry days are behind me an I find other ways to get my feelings out. I like to call it, “Random and Odd”.

During my writing phase, my newsworthy friend Bryan sent me a book. He had met this woman at a press conference recently and she gave him this book and he was so moved by it that he was certain that I would be too.
He was right, except I was more than moved. I used it as a guide. Looking back I realize that I failed this poem more times than once…but at this point in my life, I see that I have found that person described…and then some.

The Invitation

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon…
I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life’s betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us to
be careful
be realistic
remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“YES!”

It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.

© Oriah Mountain Dreamer, from the book The Invitation published by HarperSanFrancisco, 1999

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15
Oct
Is he really that old now?
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: photography, tyler
Last weekend was Tyler’s homecoming dance at his school. Shaun and I were sort of out of town doing other stuff and didn’t get to take pictures. Since the dance was up here in Rocklin we had his mom come to our house for him to get ready and take pictures.

Tyler and I went shopping at a few stores before I caved in and called Shaun.

“Come and do this. I can’t do this. If he needed me to pick out earrings to match his dress…I would be your girl. He needs slacks!”

Shaun then asked me to tell me what we had gotten so far. I told him this really cool black button up shirt and a tie.

“What color is the shirt?” he asked.
“Black.”
“So you got a lighter colored tie?” He sounded like he had such confidence in me.
“um. No. It’s a really dark blue one.”
“That would be great Kristine…if he were in the mob.”

Shaun then showed up and within minutes had picked out a better shirt and a pair of slacks that really good on the boy.
I wasn’t even invited to the shoe store to help pick out shoes to go with this ensemble. I would have probably picked out some great sling backs and a matching purse.

We were excited to see the whole thing put together the night of the dance. With one of the other 13 cameras in the house fully charged we left knowing that we would come home to pictures that weren’t AS good as the ones we could take, but how bad could they be? I mean, really…she’s an adult. It’s a digital camera. You can’t mess things up THAT bad.



This is what we got.

Luckily both Tyler and his girlfriend Nikki go to different schools and she had her homecoming dance this weekend.
We didn’t get to miss the boy running around trying to figure out where everything was. I also didn’t miss this very awesome moment while Shaun was teaching his son how to tie a tie.



I may have missed him teaching Tyler how to tie his shoes, but I get to witness the sweetness of moments like this.

If you didn’t know me, you would think I was a complete idiot as I looked down at my camera and started talking to it, praising it for capturing that shot and promising to give him a nice cleaning and new UV filter and a better bag to protect it from the elements. If you know me, you know I talk to objects as if they understand what I am saying and know I’m not an idiot…just a weirdo.













Yes, after I downloaded these…I kissed the camera.

I might be an idiot.

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15
Oct
annoyed beyond belief!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: ex, Shaun


Shaun and I decided that to wait on telling his side of the family about the engagement until the glow of his sister’s engagement had worn off a little bit.

His sister, who hasn’t been married before, got engaged at Disneyland the same weekend that Shaun asked me.
Shaun and I being the unselfish lot that we are decided to let her have her time before we busted it up with our good news.

Like the dolt I am, I sent out a mass email to the people in my address book which included Shaun’s ex-wife. She already knew about it, but I added her anyway…along with 40 other people I was too lazy to call.
Like the dolt that she is, she forwarded the email to Shaun’s sister.
After I got over the urge to beat the hell out of his ex, I talked to his sister and she was so cool about it. She insisted we needed to tell the other family members.
We decided that we would tell his parents on Sunday when we went out there. It’s better to do cool stuff like this in person because I get hugs. I love hugs.

Shaun told me that his brother had called him because he went to our Flickr site and saw the picture of my ring.
We told him why we had not said anything and he said congrats and all that other stuff. Then they talked about surround sound and HiDef tv’s.

Tomorrow we go out and tell his parents. I hope this goes better than the first time a set of parents were told about future nuptials:

“What? You have GOT to be kidding, Daniel! YOU TOLD US THAT SHE WAS A PHASE YOU WERE GOING THROUGH! You said you weren’t serious about her! MY GOD she’s not even old enough to legally drink!”

Yeah, I’m pretty sure this one will go so much better.

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15
Oct
112936323788234674
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: stuff portrait friday
I was sposta be home around 1 pm. My ass came draggin in at 10:30 pm.



The best picture I ever took


The best picture I ever took. No seriously, I stole the picture from an antique store. Click the picture to read the whole story.
This picture is one the main reasons that Shaun and I are still together.

and


This picture was the first real picture I ever took with a SLR camera. This was Kara’s up at my mom and dads. I have been hooked since then.

Your favorite picture of yourself



Me and Shaun’s Dad. I love this picture because it’s real. Shaun’s dad is one of the neatest people I have ever met…and I love him with all my heart.
Shaun wanted me to put up the picture of me in my kicker’s jersey because it was the first picture he ever saw of me. Mushy. Sappy. I think this whole engagement thing has put him on emotional rollercoaster of love.

and



I like this picture because I was so happy. Maybe I was stoned or drunk, either way…TOTALLY happy. I did it. I really did it. I gradumatated.

My Favorite Pictures taken by other people:

Fubuki’s Photostream
hours and hours and hours of sitting around looking at his pictures.

Wave of Modulation
If I had just a itsy-bitsy amount of this woman’s talent with a camera I would be happy.

and last, but of course not least…the picture that made me sit up and take notice of her raw talent:



Click on the picture to view her photostream.

Our very own, Striz – The Fat Housewife … and talented photographer.

Thanks everyone for giving some time to get this done. I will check yours tomorrow!!

Kristine

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14
Oct
112927472412740096
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Shaun

Good thing I got this in early or Miss Xanax 2005 would be a wreck all day. I am the best fiancee EVER.

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13
Oct
Reno 911
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Shaun

Shaun here.

For those of you worried about our loving Random and Odd hostess, she’s off to Reno with two of her friends. After a night of drinking, gambling, brothels…..she should have the biggest little stress level in the world.

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13
Oct
Keeping Record Of It All…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Wedding


I’m torn.

The rational part of me says, “Weezie.” (yes, my rational side actually has a nickname for me.) “You are a smart girl. You should just go with the ‘getting married in Maui’ idea you have had since you met Shaun and knew he was the one. HAHAHAHAHA.” (yes, my rational side has this wicked sense of humor) “No, really…Weez, just do what you want to do and forget what anyone else says.”

Then the impulsive side comes into action, “Dude. You need think about some shit.” (my impulsive side is a pot smoking surfer.) “His dad is recovering from a heart attack and if you really want him there, you need to just chill on the flying to islands. You can ride some waves later.” (my impulsive side won’t except that I am a scuba diver and not a surfer.)

No matter what we choose to do, I want it documented. Shaun bought some postcards and I got all the brochures from when we went to Monterey. I am thinking of putting together this kick ass scrap book that has some old pictures of when we started seeing each other up until everything to the wedding.
And then I remember…I can’t scrapbook to save my life!
I want to! I really do. All those colorful papers, spray on glue, cutsie little decorations…it SCREAMS for me to dive into it. This is something that was MADE FOR ME. Except for the fact that I have not ONE artistic bone in my whole body…except my shutter finger, and that is still questionable.

Someone asked, “How are you going to be IN the wedding and still be the photographer.” Yeah. I know. I realize I am going to have to hand the camera over to someone else because it’s really hard to make a camera go with a wedding dress…unless of course I design my dress AROUND the camera. My dress could be Black and Yellow. OKAY OKAY, I realize I will look like a bumble bee if I try that. What if I had a camera bag that went around the camera, leaving the lens exposed?

I’m guessing that SOMEONE out there can make me something that can make the BAMF look cute and delicate…If not, I can do it. I can get some…some…what is that stuff called? FABRIC! yes, that’s it.

This might actually work.

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12
Oct
I went to the doctor and the doctor said….
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Anxiety
“Been awhile since I’ve seen you, Kristine.”

“Yeah, that whole lack of health insurance thing…” I had already had 3 anxiety attacks in the 20 minutes of sitting on the table with nothing but a cotton gown, he wasn’t making it better.

He checked me out and asked me to go into his office.

“Well, it looks alright.” He’s flipping through papers that hold all my past medical information. I had my OB-GYN as my main doctor for 10 years. I think I might have been the only person who got all medical clearance for HMO crap through their cootchy doctor instead of a family doctor. I trusted this guy. If I had to have heart surgery I would want him to do it. I trust him that much. He pulled three kids out of me…I love him.

“Then why no period for 3 months?” I ask.

“You stressed out?” he asks.

“Nope. I’m good.”

“Nothing at work that is stressing you out?”

“I’m not working right now.”

He gives me that look like I have just answered my own problem. “Is that causing you any stress?”

“Oh God No. I mean…well…sort of. Fanancially.”

“Are you looking for a job?”

“I can’t. I’m home with the 5 kids.”

“and you said you’re not stressed out?” His eyebrows have crawled into his hairline.

“I mean, no. I have a great guy who helps me out so much. We got engaged this weekend.” I show him the ring as if he’s interested in seeing it.

“That’s fantastic. So you’re now thinking about planning a wedding. Is that…I don’t know…STRESSFUL?”

“Uh-um.” I see where he’s going with this. “I’m stressed out again and in total denial huh?”

“Kristine, you had one of the worst cases of postpartum depression I had seen in a long time. Don’t you remember the things that happened to your body? You missed several periods, your hormones were off the charts…we had you on three different medications and a patch to try to get you stable again. It took awhile to bounce back from that.”

“I had an affair, left my husband and destroyed my family. I don’t think I bounce back very well.”

I take a deep breath and think back to sitting in his office several years ago trying to convince him I wasn’t depressed, stressed or anxiety ridden all the while CLUMPS of hair where falling out on his floor and I had almost completely gnawed off my fingers.

“Okay, yeah…I came in for the rash and hair loss and the mild heart attacks I was having.”

“That was the anxiety attacks that felt like heart attacks. Yes. You still having anxiety attacks now and again?”

“If by now and again you mean, once in the morning, once mid morning…one at night…”

He wrote me a prescription for some xanax and some hormone replacement stuff.
and then he said one of the funniest things I have EVER heard in my life…

“Now I want you to avoid any stressful activities or situations for a few months.”

5 kids. Shaun’s Ex. Thanksgiving. Christmas. Wedding. My Dad. Money.

Somebody. get. me. a. straight.jacket.

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12
Oct
112913491556391238
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random

Today’s the big day that I go visit the doctor. Some of you are going to kill me when I admit the last time I have seen my ya-ya doctor: I think it was sometime around Shea’s first birthday.

Yes, it has been about 6 years. I could have a Buick growing inside of me and I wouldn’t know because I didn’t go to the doctor to find out. I have six years of questions I want to ask him, but on the other hand I am freaked out that he’s going pull out a rubber chicken and beat me with it because I have been a bad person for not coming to see him earlier.

You know after you have a AIDS test taken and you have to wait out those three days before you get the results? You start questioning EVERY SINGLE sexually related thing you did.
“Let me see, last week while watch ‘A River Runs Through It’ I might have….no, you can’t catch something if you’re by yourself…hmmmm.”

I feeling like that. I am questioning EVERY SINGLE thing that my body has been through. IN SIX YEARS.
I am destroying my poor body. I gained weight, lost weight, gained weight. I smoke. I drink WAY too much coffee, I have unexplained pains and I do nothing about them. My back is out. I take advil everyday to help the pain. I don’t take vitamins. EVER. I eat HORRIBLY. I don’t exercise. I have anxiety attacks everyday. I don’t drink enough water. I sometimes forget to brush my hair….Oh the list goes on and on.

How in the hell have I got this far? I guess I have good genes, because the list above, excluding the water, sounds just like my mother. I’m sure my mother would say my grandmother was the same.

I feel like getting a running start down the hallway and just sliding up to the bed with my hands in prayer.
“DEAR GOD, IF YOU LET ME GET THROUGH THIS DOCTOR’S APPOINTMENT WITH A CLEAN BILL OF HEALTH, I SWEAR I WILL TAKE BETTER CARE OF MYSELF IN THE FUTURE. I WILL STOP SMOKING, DRINKING COFFEE AND I WILL TAKE VITAMINS EVERY SINGLE DAY!”

I’m admitting it. I’m scared. I’m scared of why I haven’t had a period since July 10th. I know the list of things it COULD be. Stress is the number one on the list, but if I can make it through 7 years of marriage, his exgirlfriend, three kids and an affair WITHOUT missing a period, then a little bit of stress isn’t going to stop Aunt Flo from visiting.
menopause? I’m only 33. I would understand if I missed one as a welcome basket to the Estrogen club, but I’m going on THREE months now.

I’m afraid to google symptoms of ovarian cancer. The last time I googled something to make sure I spelled it right, I found out I had it.

11:15 is my appointment. I hope I don’t come home with rubber chicken bruises.

I deserve them though.

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11
Oct
…being tagged
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


I was tagged twice in this past month and I never posted what I was tagged with. I was asked to go and find my 25th post and go to a certain line and… well, I went and I looked it up and I was reminded of a time that I wasn’t so happy.

Before Random and Odd, I had justkeeton dot com where I wrote about things in my life. I wasn’t funny, witty or in the least bit charming. It wasn’t a site that you would go to and really ever go back to see again. I would be surprised if anyone ever went there. It was for me and it was raw and open.
Many months later I started Random and Odd after following a link that someone had put up on dooce dot com’s picture comment section about ‘free’ blog space. I figured it had to be easier than updating my HTML every day.

The beginning of this blog is a combination of the person I was and the person I was becoming.
I have things in the beginning of this blog that I am not excited are there. I was far too open and raw about my feelings, I was honest with myself andI don’t want to forget how I got here. So those posts will stay.

Just to highlight some of the reasons those post will stay are some of the things that hurt me to write…and ultimately reread:

“Oh, okay, let me see…the last time she mentioned needing to see a therapist and nobody took her seriously she destroyed her marriage. Another time she almost drove her car into oncoming traffic. Yeah, I think I might want to see what I can do to help.”

Sorry for not being ‘the one’ and wasting your time.
Sorry for doing something REALLY wrong to ruin your life.
Sorry for not realizing how important you were to me until you were gone.
Sorry for taking one path and leaving you on another.

I have worked through many of those issues that I was dealing with a year ago. I still have the anxiety I deal with every day.
I stayed up until 3 am last night because the thought of laying still and trying to fall asleep causes me to panic and hyper-ventilate.
I thought after I got the loan and paid my bills that it would go away, but it wasn’t money related. Shaun hates to read about this on my blog instead of me telling him straight out. Sorry honey, I don’t plan on telling anyone about my ‘freak out episodes’ that only Will and Grace and 4 hours of Tivo’ed CSI can manage to get me through.

Tag, everyone is it. Link me to your favorite post you’ve written…good/bad/ugly/funny/sad….go ahead, it can’t get any worse than mine.

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24
Oct
Not Politically Correct…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: friends


It’s hard to write about a certain person in my life. I want to be able to write like I talk around her…and how she talks to me, but I would get hate mail FLOODING my inbox.

“OH.MY.GOD…YOU SAID THE “N” WORD!”

It’s hard to defend myself in email.

“SHE CALLS ME THE “N” WORD FIRST!”

Auntie Patty is a one of a kind. She isn’t exactly ‘politically correct’ either. She can take a joke. She can dish em too. She doesn’t use those nice, fuzzy words like, ‘African American’. If you play bones (Dominos) with her she will insist that you insult the mothers of the other players with various types of cuss words. She will call you the “N” word. She will be angry at you if you don’t tell her to ‘shut your black ass up!’
I love this woman.

This weekend we had her birthday party. She has the coolest friends that came to visit with her and bring her presents.
At one point in the night one of her friends was bragging about how well her black husband was doing up here in ‘white man land’.
“The last time we were here, he sat in the corner and didn’t talk to anyone. He was afraid someone was going to hang him or something. But look at him now talking to that handsome, white man.”

We all looked in the window to see her husband leaning near the fireplace in a comfortable conversation with a handsome, white man.

I started laughing so hard, “That’s SHAUN!” I turn to look at her all serious like, “Shaun was born in Oakland, California. The reason your husband is doing so well is because Shaun thinks he was born a poor, black man. HAVE YOU SEEN HIS LIPS? He says they hand them out if you’re born in Oakland regardless of your skin color.”
After the laughing ended she insisted that I had the best looking white man she has seen in a long time. I will take that as a compliment.

As we were leaving the party I told Shaun, “You know your idea of putting the candles in the watermelon? I told Auntie Patty and she started cracking up. She just loves you. Did she grab your ass on the way out?”

Happy Birthday Auntie Patty!

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24
Oct
113020076053858846
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: stuff portrait friday


Stuff Portrait Friday…For those of you that have not jumped on the wagon yet; You come up with three ideas for pictures to share (sometimes we get crazy and add a theme!) on Friday we post our pictures and just come here ( our lazy man’s central location ) and leave a comment so everyone else can come check out your stuff and leave you comments.

I’m totally excited because I have noticed that SPF has become a part of your website! Like…I have to go to YOUR website when I run out of people on my list because you all have people on your list that aren’t on mine. I LOVE THAT!

This week is SPOOOOOOO-KAY!

October 28 2005

1. Your Spooky Decorations
2. Your Costumes
3. Your Spooky Neighborhood

Have fun this week. Feel free to take the Themed SPF mastheady thingy do bob. You’re always more than welcome to use them.

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23
Oct
It was a big ol’ weekend
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Shaun

My second favorite Ebay purchase. Not, Shaun…even though I did get him off the internet.

To see the Halloween Carnival Set…including the humping goats… CLICK HERE.

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22
Oct
I’m picking out a Thermos for you. Not an ordinary Thermos for you. But the extra best Thermos for you.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: kara, Shaun


A few years ago, Kara came home crying because no one at school liked her. She said that no one got her jokes. She was never going to go to school again.
I sat her down and asked her what kind of jokes she was telling or how she was trying to be funny.
She tried to explain, but I just wasn’t getting it.

I spent the next couple of days watching my daughter to try to figure out why no one wanted to play with her.

She was acting like a complete idiot. She was running around chasing people. She was making weird sounds. She was laughing hysterically like a hyena about to attack.
The next few days I hung out with her at school and her friends and tried to figure out why they wouldn’t get her jokes.

It didn’t take long to figure it out. Kara was quoting lines from movies. She’s really good like that. She can’t get her multiplication facts down, but she can recite every line from her favorite funny movie. She thought for sure that everyone would think that was a hoot, but if you haven’t seen the movie it looses something in the delivery.

After a long discussion about what I had noticed, things got better. She stopped with the quoting of movies and chasing unsuspecting people while making strange noises.

Yesterday in the car I realize that Shaun is everything she has always wanted in a friend. All the way to Redding they where quoting “The Jerk” (with Steve Martin) and singing the Thermos song. Over and Over.
and SOMEWHERE In the middle of all this, Shaun starts making crazy ape sounds. Kara starts laughing so hard you hear the seams in her bladder about to burst. She thinks this is the funniest thing she has ever seen.

Me? not so much. I warned him. I said, “I have the camera sitting on my lap and you’re going to make THAT face?”

He looked at me all ape like and made the ape like, ‘huuuuuuuh’ (which honestly sounded more like Scooby Doo)

so I took the picture.

Internet, meet my fiance…Shaun, monkey-man-friend-of-Kara:



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20
Oct
Go get pictures of your stuff, hurry hurry, it’s not too late!!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: stuff portrait friday


The Tacky Vacation Photo



The end of day 3 at Disneyland with 5 kids and a Shaun. I was D.O.N.E.

Something My Kids Made



My kids made me forgive my dad today. He may have said some pretty mean ass things, but damn it if he doesn’t love his grandbabies…and me. I had to forgive him today, he keeps looking older and older every time I see him.

My Hairbrush…the ONE I COULD FIND!



I swear I have about 5 other brushes, but you’ll never find them because they are scattered all around the house, under beds…wherever the kids put them down after brushing the top layer of their hair.

I went to Redding today for a day trip and I got some great pictures: My Flickr

Did you play?? I’m sort of afraid of the ‘what your kid/pet made!!

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19
Oct
112978868857011182
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: tyler

This was Tyler’s grand plan. He was going to cheer me up by making me play Madden 2005 with him.

I didn’t win. I wasn’t cheered up.

He said he will try again tomorrow.

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19
Oct
112974248305066364
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: stuff portrait friday


Friday October 21, 2005

1. A tacky vacation picture
2. Something your kid (or pet) made
3. Your hairbrush/s

bonus: for those of you that have your halloween pictures and won’t be here for the next Friday…post them now, I don’t want to miss out because you won’t be here! :)

that’s all for me.

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18
Oct
Yes there are two paths you can go by, but in the long run there is still time to change the road your on
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Anxiety


The three most frightening words in my world right now; No Prescriptions Remaining

Despite all the wonderful news and trying to get on the track to improve my life, I have stumbled back into this place that scares the living shit out of me.
Depression.

If you don’t have the chicken pox you don’t know how bad the itch is or how it always seems to happen right before a really important sleep over.
Depression is like that. If you don’t have it, you don’t understand how it can just creep in when you least expect it.

I hadn’t planned on hosting an all day sleep fest that would rob me of a whole day of being excited for my kids field trips. Honestly, it was so bad I had to double the dose of medication and sleep my way through them coming home and giving me details. I woke up as they were getting ready for bed. This of course makes it worse because I feel like the worst mother in the world.

Something triggers it. Something small triggered it this time and to save you all from the boring details of my everyday life, I will just say…it was bullshit. Bullshit that I have lived through before and promised myself that I wouldn’t put myself through again.

The first thing that I do when the depression hits is internalize everything. I crawl inside myself and I try to find ways to make sure that this type of pain is never re-lived.
Trust me, I’ve made mistakes by doing this…but I have also changed some things for the better because of it.
During my divorce depression I empowered myself by stepping away from the situation and knowing what behaviors were mine and which ones belonged to other people. Being told that ‘that isn’t yours’ by my therapist was the best thing that I have ever heard. I stopped taking blame for things that I couldn’t control.
If Dan chose to drink and listen to Journey at volume 8 until wee hours of the morning, it wasn’t my fault. I could sit and listen to it and blame myself, “If I had not did what I did, then this wouldn’t be happening.”
She said to me, “People get divorced everyday and each handle it in a different way. You didn’t make him pick up a beer and listen to sappy music…he did.”
I walked away from that situation and I made the choice not to except it as my own. The key to that was, ‘I walked away’. After I walked away from it, it didn’t happen anymore…and if it did, I wasn’t there to have to listen to it. I mean, how much Journey can one listen to without wanting to throw a speaker at their head?

When something in my life happens I try to figure out what to do with it.
I ask questions in my head;
1. Is this my fault?
2. Do I own this?
4. Are my feelings about this irrational?
5. What needs to be done to make sure that this doesn’t happen again?
6. Now that you know what you need to do, what steps do you take to get there?
7. How many people are involved in this?
8. Is what you’re planning to do, to save yourself from getting hurt, selfish?
9. Now what steps are first?
10. Now you go cold. If you want to not get hurt again, distance yourself and go cold.

I am SO unbelievably numb right now that I don’t feel a damn thing.

I feel like I did when I was a little girl and I had chicken pox. I have scratched and scratched so much that I am bleeding.

My mother promised me that I would live through it and I wouldn’t ever have to have them again. I would never have to feel that pain again.

I wish depression was like that. I wish I could just put socks over my hands and have my mother sit here and tell me that no one or nothing will ever hurt me again.

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18
Oct
hoofnmouth
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: kara


They say a picture is worth a thousand words.

I wonder what this picture says?

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17
Oct
112958489958203135
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: friends, stuff portrait friday


HAHAHAHAHA! I found a costume for Recovering Straight Girl !!! It’s a giant cosmo!

Upside – someone might ask if they can have a little taste.

:)



I need to know if I should do the Halloween theme this week or if I should wait until the Friday before Halloween.

Well? It’s up to you….

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02
Nov
113099458422535428
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Shaun, tyler


And this is my life.

If I ever ask, “Why did I have all girls?” Remind me of this picture.

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02
Nov
My Baby Girl is all Icky Today…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: My Brats, Random


The ‘icks’ went around our house. Almost everyone got them, but this one managed to avoid it…until this morning.
She hacked up her lung as proof that she wasn’t feeling good… so I sent her back to bed.

I spent today taking the Google Ads off of my blog, moving stuff around and updating a few things.

Organizing my Flickr site was more work than I thought it was going to be.
I have 2, 534 pictures in my Flickr site.
442 of my pictures are tagged with BLOGGED.

I went through my whole blog to find the pictures that I used and I ended up rereading a lot of my posts.

Wow, I am doing so much better than I thought I was.

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01
Nov
ugh.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


In four days it will be exactly a month that Christie Wilson has been missing.

I don’t live that far from the casino she was last seen in. I’ve been to that casino about a million 20 times.

It’s weird knowing that somewhere out there…she sits…unfound.

The past few weekends they have been searching for her. I didn’t know when and where the search parties would be meeting, but I have finally gotten in contact with a person that has been helping in the search and he’s going to forward on all information.

I’ve asked for it in the past and you have all been SO good at it, I’m asking it again. Please send vibes, prayers, well wishes, hooobiejooobie…whatever it is that you all do when I ask for help…and ask for someone to come forward with information that will help find this woman.

If you live in the Sacramento area and want to come out and help look, please comment and I will send you all the information I am passsed along.

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31
Oct
113082486114136375
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


Hope everyone had a great Halloween! We did. Shaun broke someone’s nose in a softball game. Bad ass.

Since I am going to be cracked out on Snickers and Milk Duds I figured I better post Stuff Portrait Friday’s list tonight.

Let’s hit the floor this time!

Nov. 4th – Down There?

Your Door Mat


Your Rug/s


Your Favorite Socks
In light of the computer crashing I have ONCE AGAIN lost all my Sage contacts AND my favorites…so please leave a comment so I can get you back on my RSS feed or tuck you into my bookmarks all safe and sound.

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31
Oct
Ode to the Random…..
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random

I got some stuff I need to ramble about…feel free to move on to the next blog. This is sort of like a medicated post, only without the medication (send me painkillers).

Another reason I love my sister: if we are driving down the road and a song comes on the radio that she feels has been over played she will, WITH DRAMATIC FLARE, change the channel. She thinks if she changes the channel while the song that she doesn’t want to hear is on, the radio station will know and will stop playing that certain song. It always makes me smile when I think of that.


My Mom, The Fonz…her birthday is November 6th. I wrote something nice about her last year
This year, you go to her blog and write something nice.


It’s Halloween. Boo.

It’s my one year Flickrversary. I have been addicted to Flickr for one whole year.

My medical issue that I went to see the doctor about…it’s fixed. I’m all better.


There are certain things I should NOT be allowed to do online and EBAY is one of them.
I curse at the monitor, the keyboard, the mouse, anyone within a mile radius of me. I blame others when I lose the auction. I get really mean. AND THEN WHEN I WIN…I have remorse. I feel bad for the person that I was bidding against.


I was watching the E true Hollywood stories about Rebecca Schaeffer
and during the interview to find out if the guy that stalked and killed her was really crazy, they said that he picked his lips and chewed his fingers.
So there might be a good chance that I will be stalking a celebrity soon.

Any Suggestions?

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30
Oct
113069927613637311
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: damn dogs!

I am thee worst dog owner. EVER.

Everyone is all posting pictures of their adorable pooches and I only put up a picture of the two carpet stainers up every two months.

So this weekend you had a picture of Halo, the HOSE HANDLE eating dog. (Yes, she ate the metal handle OFF THE HOSE)

AND

Mooshu…the dog that likes porn.

Wow, two dog pictures and two posts with the word porn in it. I’m feeling CRAZY!

Next weeks hot topic: Boob Hair. Oh wait, i’ve done that one already.

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29
Oct
I should have known better
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random

.
I wake up from a nice nap to hear, “The computer…it like…shut off.”

After taking of the side panels and looking for something melted or something that says, “Hey, it was me!” I start asking the normal questions…

“What were you doing when it died?”
“Photoshop.”
“What did it do? Shut down, error messages? Did the fan make a funny sound?”
“Nope, just like someone unplugged it.”

I check the plugs…unplug, replug. NOTHING.

It took a few hours of brain storming and calling my ex-husband every mean name in the book before we trouble shot the problem.

The computer needed more fans. I burned up my processor & shorted out the power supply.

Right now I am running off a new computer. The other one will be fixed tomorrow and going in my room.

I will be able to surf porn from the comfort of my own room.

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28
Oct
113046505385748809
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: stuff portrait friday


Your Trick or Treat Mission this week was:

Your Spooky Decorations








Your Costumes




Marina has her whole costume, but we have been locking her in her room every night because it’s her week to be the child we don’t like. I’m sure this weekend after the party we will have so many pictures of kids in costumes that you will never want to visit my Flickr site again.


Your Spooky Neighborhood


I was going to take a picture of my neighbor and his two creepy dogs, but then I remembered I had pictures of my haunted cemetery we went to last year just so we could watch Kara try to claw her way out of the truck while screaming, “I HATE YOU FOR TAKING ME HEREEEEE!” It’s more fun than putting tape on the bottom of your dogs feet.

Well my fellow Witches and Ghosts…did you play?

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26
Oct
i know…weird.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: ex


I had some WEIRD, WEIRD, WEIRD dreams last night. I had a dream that Tyler and I were talking during dinner and he said, “I love her, I am going to be with her forever. I am going to marry her. I know you don’t believe me…because i’m so young, but I will.”

Last night the family took my ex-husband to dinner for his birthday. Tyler invited his girlfriend, Nikki to come along and because Nikki has parents that are responsible, she had to call her parents to let them know that we would be leaving.

“We are going to take Kristine’s, ex-husband to dinner for his birthday…..yes, Shaun will be there too…”

Some would ask, “Why?…Why would you pay to take him out to dinner? Why would you need to go? Why not just send the girls with some money? Why not just get him a gift from the girls?”

And my answer is, “Duh, they serve booze at the restaurant!”

No, seriously…As big as a dumb-ass he is, I can’t stay mad at him for anything more than 2 days. He really loves his children to death. If I know him, I think he really loves Shaun’s kids too. He likes to be surrounded by noise and our house is the epicenter of all sound generated in the state of California.
So we all went.

I’m not just setting a example for my kids, i’m setting an example for what he needs to look for if he decides to take a shower, clean his apartment and get a girlfriend.
She needs to realize that we are still close. We still do stuff like this. We get mad at each other and then we get over it. We crack jokes and call each other names…but under it all we are a family…all of us.

I met Dan when I was 18 years old and I married him.

Maybe the Tyler in my dream wasn’t too far off.

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25
Oct
I’m going to sound like a crazed suburbian yuppie for a minute…forgive me.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
It has been confirmed.

16 Days until they start serving Gingerbread Latte’s at Starbucks.

I can finally put away my medication that serves to help me through times of depression and anxiety. I can fight the urge to drink Captain Morgan straight from the bottle. I can put down the stick that I beat my children with (only on Sundays though)

BECAUSE ALL WILL BE RIGHT IN THE WORLD ON NOVEMBER TENTH!!!!

All Hail the Gingerbread Latte!!!! LONG LIVE THE GINGERBREAD LATTE.

and the first person that says, “Eggnog Lattes are so much better.” Will get a serious ass kicking.

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13
Nov
An Open Letter…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Letters
Dear Brutha in the early 90′s midnight blue Mustang on Interstate 5,

I’m guessing that when you pulled up RIGHT on my ass when we were caught in slow traffic, you didn’t know you would scare the living bejesus out of me. That’s okay, I just didn’t see you fly up on me…it happens.
When you kept riding my ass for 3 miles knowing I was caught behind a redneck in Taurus and 4 18 wheelers it started to bug me, but I was listening to Carly Simon and didn’t let it bother me.
When you rode up RIGHT under my bumper and then swerved between the two eighteen wheelers and blew past the redneck and weaved back into traffic causing everyone to have to slam on their brakes…you then pissed me off.
It’s okay…there were lots of thing you didn’t know about the mild mannered, middle aged woman in the 05′ Mustang.
I’m sure you didn’t know that in my collection of 70′s music I had AC/DC’s Highway To Hell tucked in there.
I’m sure that you didn’t know I can read facial expressions and the Redneck said with his eyebrows, “You ain’t really gunna let that bastard get away with that?”
I’m pretty sure you didn’t know that even though my hair was pulled back in a bun, when the clippie comes off I am a bad ass mutha fucker with horse power under the hood.
I’M 100% sure you didn’t know I am an Aries and I always have to win.
So when the traffic cleared and I caught up with you doing 85 mph and I slowed down and smiled at you, i’m sure you didn’t know that if I just give the gas a tiny little bit of pressure I could be doing 120 mph in 5 seconds flat.

I’m sorry if I made you look like a total idiot to the woman in the seat next to you.

There’s a few other things I’m pretty certain you didn’t know about me either. When you caught up with me 10 miles up the road and I was doing 72 mph and you pulled up next to me, you didn’t know that I had switched to the calming tunes of Al Green. When you tried to egg me into racing you again you didn’t know that I have driven 1-5 for the last 15 years 4 times a month.

You didn’t know that there is always a cop on the on ramp of the rest area about 2 miles up the road.
Did you know that all traffic fines are doubled in construction zones?

It’s okay, you can have the last laugh…

Did you know that in a couple of hours I have to hand the keys back to the nice guy at Hertz and get back into my minivan?

I didn’t think so.

Best of Everything,

The woman in the BAMF Mustang on 1-5.

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12
Nov
No Stop Signs, Speed Limits…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Dashababy, The Fonz
Random and Odd’s Quick Fix to Depression:
Step 1 – Rent a 2005 Mustang.
Step 2- Drive 100 mph on 1-5 (for like 3 seconds, because i’m chicken)
Step 3- Hang out with Mom and Sister for the night
Step 4 – Lay in bed till noon watching “The History of the Bullet” on National Geographic.
Step 5- Love mommy for giving me breakfast…er brunch in bed.
Step 6-Getting the best hair dye in the world by the best sister in the world.
Step 7- Watching a narcoleptic poodle on Inside Edition.
Step 8- Xanax
Step 9- More Xanax
Step 10- Lauging at mom for crying about the poodle on Inside Edition

I’m feeling better…but it might just be the Xanax or all the hair dye I inhaled while washing it out.

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10
Nov
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Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: stuff portrait friday


Nov. 11th – show me the money

The last thing you bought for yourself
I’m an antique ring freak and I can’t stop the purchasing of them. This is a 1920′s ring. It was SO much better looking than the pictures the person posted.



During BlogThis 2005 in San Francisco, Pissy Britches bought me this watch that I swear I never take off unless I am showering. I LOVE THIS WATCH!




The last thing someone bought for you
Yep, here they are. Now you all know where to find me on November 19th. If you’re going to this concert you better come say Hi…and buy me a Smirnoff Ice!



Does that say ‘NO CAMERAS’? no way!


Your wallet
Who cares if you can see my address, it was my weight I was hoping to blur out ;)



So there you have it! Next week is going to be a little bit harder. I will post the list this weekend so you have more time to really think about what you want to show us.
Thank you for sending me suggestions, feel free to send me more…since the other computer ate my whole folder of ideas!

DID YOU PLAY??
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10
Nov
113166845174969556
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: My Brats, Random


You know those, “Everything I know, I learned….”

I’m thinking I might be able to run my whole life and be happy if I just follow the rules of Caesar Malan.

If you’ve never watched The Dog Whisperer, you are going to be totally clueless as to what I am saying here, but since Shaun in a loud, assertive voice told me to, “Go Dog Whisperer on her ass!” I haves been listening more closely to the things that Caesar has been saying and not only applying them to my life with Halo-the-dog-from-hell, but also the people in my life.

Calm & Assertive. I will not SCREAM, “NO! DOWN! BAD! STOP! COME HERE! LISTEN TO ME!” because my screaming isn’t making the dog…or the person..listen any better.
When a person…er…dog gets to the point of freaking the fuck out about something, I need to be the calm one.

Caesar is the pack leader. It doesn’t mean that the dogs don’t WANT to bit him, but they dont. I don’t care if people want to get in my face and try to dominate me…I just need to let them know that they can’t. CALMLY. Not by yelling. Not by writing an email that clearly states my side of the issue, because some people are just really dumb and it doen’t matter how you deal with them they are still going to wet the carpet and drool on your couch. wait. i’m confusing people and dogs again.

In other words, there have been people that are in my life that would like to bite at my heels and then try to make nice later. This isn’t going to happen anymore. I won’t yell back, but I also won’t play nicey nicey anymore.

Caesar has this thing he calls ‘Follow The Leader’ where before he steps out the door, he makes sure that the dog knows that he’s the leader by having the leash high up on the dogs neck, like in a dog show, and if the dog runs ahead or pulls then he gives the leash a nice little tug and the dog drops back behind him…letting Caesar be the pack leader.

For some people in my life…you’re going to start feeling a little tug.

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09
Nov
They Know I’m Going To Post This On My Blog
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: My Brats, Random

I feel better. I’m going to reclaim my blog! (Thank you Kalki)

I understand why my daughter insists on reading my blog. She knows I am going to post stories of her being a dork or pictures of her where I say that she is beautiful.
Kara, let’s make a deal. I promise to not stop telling dorky stories about you and will tell you that you are beautiful if you STOP READING MY BLOG. I will tell you when it’s okay to read my blog, but for now…stop reading it sweetie…Mommy needs to get some stuff out that you don’t need to read about.

I went shopping today and finally bought the firewire to connect to my JVC camcorder to the computer. I downloaded video of Thanksgiving from last year, an hour of the kids walking in the river…and uh, the time when Jessica and I almost got arrested. I deleted that part of the tape. No need to keep that around.

Shaun surprised me with tickets to see the Eagles!! OH.MY.GOD!
Of course I am going to cry because my sister won’t be there…but then again she went to about a million good concerts without me before I was old enough to know better.
Something tells me that he is a wee bit worried about what will be said here now that I am deciding to be honest again.

Kara and Marina have been getting along all day still. I figured it out. They are playing this ro-sham-bo thing where they get to slap each other. Kara is getting sick pleasure out of watching Marina squeal with pain. Yes, she is my daughter. Marina is getting sick pleasure of watching Kara almost pee her pants laughing when Marina squeals with pain. Yes, she is Shaun’s daughter.

Thanks everyone for supporting me in the reclaiming of my blog. I have to go slowly because I need to test the waters.

*putting in big toe*

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09
Nov
Further Proof…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: kara, marina, My Brats


I updated the SPF list.

It’s something sort of simple I think.

Nov. 11th – show me the money
The last thing you bought for yourself
The last thing someone bought for you
Your wallet
Next week is going to be WAY harder and you’re going to hate me because I am going to make you think out of the box.

I need to climb inside myself and find some outlet and I think taking pictures and writing is going to help me out. I have been holding back. I always say, “My words are my own and I won’t stop writing because someone didn’t like what I had to say.”
The truth is, I have stopped writing what I would want to write about if I had the freedom to write about what I want to write about.

WHOA. run on sentence. Did ANYONE understand what I just wrote?

At night when I can’t sleep I write posts in my head. I’m totally honest and I say what I really want to write about. I think about the way I would phrase my feelings. Then I remember that I no longer have that option because if I open my mouth and write about what I think about…I would get yelled at. I would be taken the wrong way. I would be told that I am disrespectful. I would be the bad guy.

I do write down these feelings and a handful of people know where I stash them. I haven’t written about how I really feel in a long time because I feel like I am ‘bitching’ or ‘venting’.
Last night I almost crawled out of my bed and wrote the thoughts I had my head, but I opted to just get some Sierra Mist and watch Headline News.

In order to get back to me, I am going to start writing more personal things. So, please…if you’re my step son, my exhusband, Shaun’s ex, Dan’s ex, my kids, their friends…or anyone that really doesn’t want to know me and hear about the shit that is eating me up inside…you’re going to have to stop reading my blog.

Starting today, I’m not censoring myself anymore and I’m sorry Shaun…but you’re probably going to break off the engagement and put me in a looney bin.
Mom, I swear, no matter how honest I get…I will not post the picture of you getting off the toilet I got this weekend, even though it’s a super artistic picture and you have the most adorable look on your face…I will not post the picture of my mother on the toilet. or the one of Shaun in the shower.

You’ve been warned.

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09
Nov
iceskating anyone?
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: kara, marina, My Brats, Random


People in hell are drinking ice water.

It’s been going on 4 days that Kara and Marina have been getting along. I’m not really sure if I should be celebrating or in fear that they have bonded together as one super team and now my days are numbered. I wish I could just jump up and down and be happy about it or yell at the top of my lungs to knock it off! Instead, I am sticking my head to the door and listening for plans of my demise.

I got up this morning to them sharing breakfast. Laughing and giggling about some poetry Kara had written. At one point I think I might have heard Kara telling Marina she could borrow her Abecrombie sweatshirt. That of course, HAD to be me just DREAMING.

Then I saw Marina wearing her Abercrombie sweatshirt. Natural mother instincts kicked in and I dove towards Marina in a attempt to remove the sweatshirt so Kara wouldn’t rip her hair out from the roots, rip off her arm and beat her with the bloody stump.
“We traded today. I’m wearing her jacket and she’s wearing mine. Look, they match the shoes she let me borrow.”

Kara came out wearing Marina’s jacket and was… *holding back tears*…. SMILING.

I know I didn’t get much sleep last night, but did the world slip off it’s axis last night while I was busy watching reruns of Will and Grace?

In attempt of grasping the situation I told them to come hug me.

“Come here and hug me. NOW. New rule in this house as of this morning. WE HUG EVERY WEDNESDAY MORNING.”

“Why Wednesday?”

“Cause it’s a random day and YOU TWO ARE FREAKING ME OUT!”

This blissful giggling and getting along HAS to stop sooner or later and when it does I don’t want to be ANYWHERE near the fan.

Damn teenagers are messing with my mind.

Shaun, pick up more Xanax on the way home.

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07
Nov
113138511169349411
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Dashababy, The Fonz


It wouldn’t have been right to wear a hat to The Fonz’s birthday party, but I should have.

When I am getting ready in the bathroom my hair doesn’t look that bad. It doesn’t look GOOD, but it doesn’t look bad.

I always know HOW bad my hair looks by the look on my sister’s face when she sees me.

My hair. Bad.

I tried to do this thing where I pulled the long-ass-bangy type hair out of my face with a cute little clip and then match it on each side. I always think it’s going to look nice, but it ends up looking like Pamela Anderson after filming an all nighter.
The only thing I achieved was pulling the hair back and showing the world how long it’s been since I have had my hair done.



My mom’s birthday party was at this little hall in a park. I didn’t know too many people outside of our family and I was too busy chatting with my brothers and sister to really pay too close attention to anything.
At one point I got up to get something and I looked around and what I saw made me laugh.
At our table we had my brothers, sisters, in-laws, nieces & nephews, mom and about 35 digital cameras. We must have looked like the vainest group of people in the world because the flashing never stopped. Our table was all smiles and posing.

I looked at the other tables and no one else had cameras. Our table was a bunch of people showing the other person the shot they had just got.

“Look at this shot of Robert doing his impression of Jim from Taxi!!”



We all have the same exact pictures too. As soon as I heard that Robert was doing impression of Jim I knew I had to get that picture. He also does Forest Gump, but you can’t really ‘see’ that through pictures.



I had one of those stupid moments again.
Remember when I told you all about the time when the kids were sposta be getting ready for school and they weren’t so I yelled, “Would you please get ready for school and quit jacking off!” I didn’t mean to say that.
I did it again, sort of.
You could hear the band outside and since the hall was pretty small, most of us were out there. Kara started doing the hand jive to the song the band was playing.
I blurt out, “Look, Kara’s doing the hand job!”
No one heard me. No one saw me turn about 14 shades of red either.
“handjive. she’s doing the hand jive. yeah.”



Mom had a great birthday with her kids, grandkids and a lot of people she thought she would never be able to see again. She had fun.

We have the pictures to prove it too.

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05
Nov
I no longer question why I am the way I am…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: The Fonz
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and I wouldn’t trade her in for anyone else.

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04
Nov
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Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: stuff portrait friday


This Week Stuff Portrait Friday: Down THERE?

Your Rug & Doormat (I put two of mine together because I only have one rug)



See that brown striped rug? It’s a ‘runner’ for like a hallway. I liked it, but now it’s just a brown, striped rug.

The front door mat is to match the redwood bark we put in to replace the icky, white rocks.

Your Favorite Socks:
I swear to the Holy God above that I am thee WORST SPF player. I wait until the last minute to do anything. I went to go find the fuzzy mis-matched socks I so love, and they were GONE.
Yes, MIA! So you all get the second best thing. My favorite slip on slippers that are horribly ugly and they ALMOST won the ‘ugliest slipper’ award….but that is for another blog post.



I will have to check blogs later. I need take the car in to get braces and then I need to take Kara in to get her locks replaced. It’s going to be a long day.

Did you play?

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20
Nov
There’s a party going on right here….
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: kara, My Brats


On “My Name Is Earl” last week it had a mother who’s talent for throwing knives has been passed down from generation to generation.

On “Medium” the children share their mother’s ability to see certain things.

It made me wonder what I had passed down my children. The thought of them getting my horrible math skills or my lack of direction scares the hell out of me.

On Friday I took every kid in a 1 mile radius of my house to the roller skating rink. It was there that I realized that the legacy of ‘Red Light. Green Light.’ is being carried on through my oldest daughter, Kara.

When I was a little kid, the only thing that kept me walking that line between ‘good student & bad student’ in school was, ‘Student of the Week’.
If you got the coveted award of being the ‘Student of the Week’, your name was announced at lunch, you got your name in the school news paper AND, if that wasn’t enough, you got to go roller skating.

Where I grew up, roller skating wasn’t something we got to do too much of because only 1 percent of Shingletown had cement. The 1 percent that had cement also had logging trucks going 85 mph. The only place you could roller skate was in a garage, which we didn’t have. We had a barn with a broken down Pinto inside. There was an abandoned swimming pool that we could skate around, but you had to be real careful not to get going too fast and had to learn how to stop REALLY fast or you would go flying off the deep end. This is where my skill in ‘Red Light. Green Light’ started.

I was about 10 years old when I got to go roller skating in a real rink. The smell of Red Ropes and cotton candy was heaven for me.
There isn’t a time when, “Celebration” by Kool and the Gang is played that I don’t feel the wind in my hair as I skated a hundred miles an hour around that skating rink.

Red Light. Green Light is a game where you stand at one end of the rink and the DJ yells, “GREEN LIGHT” and you take off as fast as you can and you must freeze (while skating) when he yells “RED LIGHT”. If you move, you are sent back to the start. You had to make sure you didn’t fall for any of the tricks they threw at you. “GO!” was one that always threw people off. “Raise your hand if you think you’re going to win!” and those kids would raise their hand and since they ‘moved’ they had to go back to the beginning. Not me though.

I couldn’t skate backwards or do those fancy moves, but I could stop on a dime and make sure I was in the position to move again for when he called, “GREEN LIGHT” again. It wasn’t enough that I won ONE of the prizes. I had to be the FIRST one to win.

And I did. I always won.

The past few times we have gone to the rink and the game is played, Kara wins.
It wasn’t until Friday night that I saw her use her skills in full force. She has the same stance, the same determined look on her face, she lays low below the radar and never makes eye contact with the referee. She hops too. The DJ starts saying the words faster and faster and instead of getting up any speed and then making it impossible to stop, she’ll hop. She has come up with her own winning ways to pass on to her daughter.

I actually got nervous for her at one point when it looked like she was going to fail to get the cone. A girl came in and swooped the cone away.



She looked up at me and I knew by the look in her eyes that she was going to get the next cone. I also knew that the girl that stole the cone out from her grips would be getting daggers shot at her for the rest of the night. She gets that from me.



So I have passed on the weirdest trait to my oldest daughter. Now I have to figure out what the other two will get.

Maybe my crazy ‘titty twister’ skill where I can manage to locate the nipple through the shirt on the first grab?

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20
Nov
I used to hurry a lot, I used to worry a lot
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Dashababy, Shaun
OH.ME.GOD.

For those of you that thought for sure that I would bring a camera in and get some shots of the concert…you were wrong. I don’t break rules. ever. most of the time.
Even if I did bring a camera in, I wouldn’t have remembered to take a picture because I was so into the concert.

Our seats KICKED ASS. We were right of the stage, 8 rows up. I could have thrown my drink and hit the stage, but that would have been a waste of 10 bucks of Smirnoff Ice.

When they came out and started singing I was grinning from ear to ear. I was at an Eagles concert! The second song was “One of these nights….” and I started crying. It wasn’t one of those weird crying things where women are pulling out their hair, tears streaming down their faces and screaming at the top of their lungs (Like the No Doubt concert I went to) but a gentle tear rolling down my face.
“I wish my sister was here.”

I had to call her. There was no way that I could sit through this concert and not share it with her. I wanted her there with me. It was because of her that I loved the Eagles so much.
So Kathy and my mom sat on speaker phone while Shaun and I rocked out to the Eagles.

You all went with me, as a matter of fact because I was trying to figure out how to blog this concert for you so you could experience it with me.

Joe Walsh. Joe Fucking Walsh. This guy….is so bad ass. If your listening to him talk or just looking at him…you wonder if he knows how to tie his shoes. Put a guitar in his hands and let him sing and you are just blown away. The crowd went crazy when he sang, “Life’s Been Good” and I STILL have the guitar solo stuck in my head.

The drums during “Hotel California” gave me the chills. Don Henley is the original BAD ASS MUTHA FUCKA. Singing and playing the drums better than when he was in his 20′s!

When “Take It To The Limit” came on, I shared with Shaun the story of how my brothers lead me to believe that they they were singing, “Take it to the Lemon…one more Lime.” and now I can’t sing it right, even though I know that is not what they are saying. That song is nothing but citrus to me now.

At the end of the concert, like 4 or 5 encores later they sang Desperado and I cried like a baby…

Now it seems to me, some fine things
Have been laid upon your table
But you only want the ones that you can’t get

Desperado, oh, you ain’t gettin’ no younger
Your pain and your hunger, they’re drivin’ you home
And freedom, oh freedom well, that’s just some people talkin’
Your prison is walking through this world all alone

And then the best concert EVER.EVER.EVER…was over.

Good thing I have free weekend minutes on my cell phone.

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19
Nov
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Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: stuff portrait friday


Next week is going to be crazy for everyone (and if you’re one of those people who don’t get stressed – bite me!) so I am putting up the stuff for SPF early and you can put it up anytime from Thursday till whenever. I will probably do mine on Friday morning.
Thursday night I will be throwing up 7 lbs of mashed potatoes & biscuits. One day I will learn that thing called ‘moderation’.
Growing up in a house with so many kids we learned the faster you get your food and eat- the better odds that you won’t starve to death.

Friday Nov 25 – Rubba Dub Dub -Thanks for the Grub…Yay God!

1. Something/s/one that makes Thanksgiving.
2. Your Dinner
3. The aftermath

Bonus Point: Tacky Ornament or centerpiece

Next week will be crazy, but I will do my best to have it up and ready for you all.

And nowwwwwwww, I am going to get in the shower because I have a DATE with my man. We are going to have dinner- sans kids – and go see THE EAGLES in concert!!

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19
Nov
I like licking stamps
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
It’s a little over a month away…and I need to start thinking about…..*throat closing* Christmas Cards.

Since my main computer that had all my addresses and phone number is ca-poote, If I had your address, you want me to have your address, or want a Christmas card… please email me.

Don’t worry about me stalking you, i’m way too lazy. I don’t even like getting out of the house to get food.

randomandodd at gmail dot com

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19
Nov
113238897352977154
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: stuff portrait friday


This weeks SPF was awesome. So many of you opened up and showed us a part of yourself we had not seen…Jessica Rabbit showed us something we hope we never see again!

Some of you dug deep and asked yourself questions about the three topics. I got more out of this SPF than any other. It’s weeks like this that I remember why I crawl out of bed at 11pm on Thursday night CURSING at myself for forgetting that I had to post.

“Shaun, I did it again. I FORGOT TO TAKE THE PICTURES! How can I run this thing every week and not remember that I need to take the pictures? When is someone going to wise up to me and tell me that I don’t deserve it because i’m a forgetful dolt?”

You don’t though…you just keep coming, commenting and sending me to your blog.
I got to comment on everyone’s blog. This is so important to me because I think if you come here and comment that I should at least go to yours and comment. Because of this, I forgot my kids names for a few hours. I had to stop going to EVERY SINGLE BLOG.

Friday allows me to go out there and check out new blogs and touch base with the old ones. I feel bad that I’m not always there for everyone. Promise me something…if you need me, please email me. If you feel like you have just written a post that you want someone to read and comment…email me.
If you want someone to go to your site just type… “I POSTED MY NAKED TA-TA’S ON MY BLOG”….you’ll at least have Nilbo reading it. ;)

I really hope you all have a really great week. My kids will be home all week so I will be on Xanax for the next few days and drinking wine through a straw….anyone want to come hang out?

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17
Nov
SPF: NO KIDS ALLOWED!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: stuff portrait friday


Nov. 18th – No Kids or Pets Allowed

Something that represents your past
When I was a little girl, things always stayed the same. I had the same best friend. My mom was always home when I got home from school. My dad would chase us around the house with his stinky socks.
The best part of being little was the little joys of being allowed to be ‘all growed up’. My grandma use to drink a glass of wine before she went to bed and because misery loves company and wine would mellow me out before I went to bed, I would get to drink a mug full too.
Her and I would see how fast we could slam our mugs. I think smoking slowed her down…or maybe she was just letting me win. I’ll never really know.

Something that represents your present


Yeah, as you can see…I have taken the lessons that my grandmother has taught me and used them in my every day life.
I have decided to skip drinking the wine out of the mug and just drink it straight from the bottle. If I could just find a straw big enough…Grandma would be so proud.

Something that represents your future
I was going to take a picture of the Brides Magazine I am using to block a hole in the dogs crate, but that would be totally unromantic huh?
There is, without a doubt, an email in my inbox by the time I wake up…FLAMING me for this post. I am also pretty sure I am getting kicked out every bridal community for what I am doing to the sanctity of Brides Magazine and all they represent.
Next week’s assignment will revolve around the holidays. If you don’t celebrate the holiday…you are going to have to post pictures of yourself nude instead… so you might want to just spruce up the table with some pine cones and pretend you did.

Have a great weekend everyone…and DID YOU PLAY??

****ALERT****

I left a buttload of comments today and asked a million questions because you guys all just kicked ass with your assignment and opened up. SO honest! I love you guys for that. I needed that. THANK YOU.
If you responded to anything I asked on your blogs or replied to what I said, I want to read it so please just let me know you did. I don’t want to miss anything.

Now, I need to go to a damn parent teacher conference. I hope during the meeting I am not thinking about Jessica Rabbits saggy boobs.

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17
Nov
I’m Coming Clean…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


I get a lot of my Mom’s traits. I mix up words. I am horrible at math. I can pout and sit in my room for days on end. I watch people & don’t trust many of them. I love with every ounce of myself.

and…

I love crime solving.

I am a ‘why’ person. I like to know why people do the things they do. I want answers.

CSI was made for my mother. During the O.J. Simpson case my mother was hot on the trail of what really happened. She watched hours and hours of boring autopsy reports.
The telephone conversations we had consisted of the way the blood was splattered on the sidewalk, the direction of the blood spatters, the location of the glove in conjunction with the house, timelines….to say she was obsessed is being nice. My mom’s world consisted of figuring out how and why. When they gave the verdict of innocent, my mother and I cried together on the phone. I think my mother was more devastated than Marcia Clark. My mom lost the case too.

I finally found a show that Tivo was made for. CSI. I have hours and hours of past CSI Tivoed and I watch them most every night. It might be because I have a little crush on Grissom, but i’m sure it has to do with the fact that I am like my mother. Something happened and I want to know what.

Christie Wilson is missing. I want to know why. I want to know what happened. I want someone to send me the list of evidence so we can put together a solid case.
No, I’m not a detective. I’m not a lawyer. I just want the truth and in order to have the truth, we have to have all the evidence.

My friend and I have been doing research around the areas that they are finding things. We have a few hours during the day to sit down and go over the information we have and just drive around and see if we can see anything. So far we have realized that detective work sucks. We don’t mind the researching part, but when you actually get into the car to go look…you realize how big the area is. And how small we are.

A really good map would come in handy when we are out driving around, looking for possible routes. Mapquest, Google and Yahoo maps suck. We got lost on a dirt road this week. It was creepy and after laughing about, ‘being out in the middle of nowhere with no cell coverage.’ we realized how stupid we are.

“Cagney, my battery on my cell phone only has one bar left.” My friend tells me.
“I think I have two bars left. I don’t think there is any coverage out here though.”
“How much gas do you have?”
“Little bit under a quarter tank.”
“How stupid are we? No cellular coverage, no gas…” She asks.
“And no one knows where we are.”

We turned around, but not before we saw latex gloves on the side of the road.

Don’t touch anything. You never touch anything. I didn’t even get out because shoe prints and tire tracks are important to CSI. I just took pictures from the driver’s seat.
When I got home I sent the pictures and directions to Christie’s aunt & the head of the search party team. They then emailed me back and said to send it to the detective handling the case.

I don’t know if it’s anything, it probably isn’t. If it is, FANTASTIC for Christie Wilson’s family. If not, I got to spend a few hours with my friend. I also realized that CSI is fun to watch on TV, but when you’re really out there, it’s sort of scary.

Now, if you’ll excuse me…I need to go buy a map.

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16
Nov
I am the Devil’s Ho
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random

How can I not take this picture and share with you?

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15
Nov
113204744067422081
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: stuff portrait friday

Sorry it took so long. I totally spaced. again.

This Friday’s Stuff:

Something that represents your past
Something that represents your present
Something that represents your future

And because I know your children &/or pets can fit into those, I’m challenging you to find something OTHER than the kids or the pets.

Yes, I told you all it was going to be hard. At least you don’t have to worry about me correcting your spelling ;)

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14
Nov
When can we stop worrying about our kids?
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: My Brats, Random


‘Cita called me last night to tell me the breaking news in the Christie Wilson case. They found a plastic bag with ‘bondage’ stuff in there. They also found hair on it, and it’s being tested to see if it matches Christie Wilson.

This is huge.

I got an email from Christie Wilson’s aunt last week. She thanked us for putting up the information and for all our prayers. It just somehow doesn’t feel like enough.

Searching the internet for any information I might have missed, I found a website on missing and abducted children. Stories of people searching for a 14 year old girl in fields. Stories of a 4 year old girl missing from her home. Stories of a 8 year missing…and then Christies; a 27 year old missing and her mother is out there every weekend looking for her daughter, on the news pleading for information and help.

I thought once we got out of the fear of SIDS that I would be okay. Then the fear of them being taken when they were little and wouldn’t know how to scream for help. Then the fear of them playing at the park and being taken. I figured now that Kara is older it won’t be so bad…but now she’s the prime target age. Christie Wilson is 27 years old…and she was abducted.

When do I get to stop worrying?

I don’t. Anyone who has kids doesn’t get to stop thinking, ‘what if’.

That thought of my child missing scares the living shit out of me. I am filled with bone chilling fear and anger at the same time. I want to grab my kids and never let them out of my site and yell, “They are mine! and if you even try…I will KILL YOU WITH MY HANDS!”
I get that knot in my throat even thinking about having to get up every morning knowing that one of my kids isn’t here…

and this is reality for Christie Wilson’s mother…and too many other parents out there.

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30
Nov
The dog is channeling Telly Savalas
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: damn dogs!


The dog brings me only a little bit of happiness. Dressing the dog up with weird headbands, watching her slide across the kitchen floor and hitting the island and watching her perk her ears when Shaun makes high pitched sounds is the ONLY joy the dog brings me.

She chews on EVERYTHING. If you’re walking, she’s trying to herd you to the direction she wants you to go in. She has scratched the hell out of the back door and sliding glass screen. She goes into rooms she’s not allowed in and she bolts out the front door and takes off.
This dog is the biggest pain the arse.



I decided that today I was going to leave her alone in the kitchen for 15 minutes to see if she can stay out of trouble. When I walked in to check on her I was surprised to see she was being an angel. Laying on the floor with her head resting on her front paws…and a sucker stick poking out of the front of her mouth.

Instead of yelling at her like I have done a million times when I find her with a sucker in her mouth, I grabbed the camera. She followed me into the bedroom and sat on the floor and ate her sucker while I took pictures. I know I am sending her the wrong signals by allowing her to eat the sucker when in the past I tell her no and taken it away.
I don’t care anymore though. This dog has a stash of Dum-Dum suckers hidden SOMEWHERE in this house. I haven’t been able to figure out where she hides them. That’s pretty damn impressive for a dog.

If my daughter is reading this, let it be known that if you decide to hide drugs, smokes, or a boy somewhere in this house and just because I don’t find it doesn’t mean I will allow you to do them!
In fact…if I walk into the kitchen and see you chewing* on any of them, I will take a picture of you and post it on the internet for all the world to see.



*the word ‘chewing’ has replaced the word ‘sucking’ because the thought of that makes me want to hurl.

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29
Nov
113329327583454752
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


Looking for a missing person is depressing. Especially if you know the missing person isn’t alive anymore.

‘Cita and I went out again. It was raining and the only thing we had to go on was something Christie’s step father had mentioned. He said that a physic had called from back East and said, “She’s under a bridge.” We looked under about 8 bridges yesterday.

I didn’t realize how dirty the world is until you’ve walked along the roadside. How people can just stop the car and toss out a kitchen bag full of garbage is beyond me! I mean, when I forget to pay the garbage bill, I at least take the 13 bags of garbage out behind Albertsons shopping center and use their big ol’ dumpster.

I use to have nightmares that the cops would pull up in front of the house and arrest me for dumping my garbage in a dumpster. I’m a modern day Arlo Gutherie. (many of you won’t get that, it’s okay….it’s random)

Strangely, since I started searching for Christie, my anxiety has gone away. I only have bursts of them that last less than a minute. This is HUGE for me. Most of the anxiety attacks last for about 10 minutes…which is exactly how long it takes to convince yourself that you’re going to stop breathing and pass out.

The flipside is that I am getting ticked off super fast. The last time I had this much bottled up anger is when I was going through postpartum depression. I had my family on pins and needles for months while I tried to figure out how to control all the rage I had inside of me.
I actually thought of where to bury my husband in the backyard when he made the STUPID mistake of getting me a MOTHER’S RING….ON MOTHER’S DAY! What the hell was HE thinking?
I feel bad about that one. He was trying to do something nice for me and because he didn’t get the clue (the big 8 x 11 tear out of the ring I wanted on the fridge for 2 months) I decided that he needed some physical violence and daggers thrown from my eyeballs.
Someone remind me to call him and tell him I’m sorry for that one.

Now the little things are ticking me off. STUFF is pissing me off. STUFF that the kids are leaving around the house, losing, borrowing and not putting away.
The sound of the 15 year old chewing his food. NEVER in history of man, even going back to the caveman days, has anybody been a louder eater. SMACKING as he chews his food. I can hear the food as it is suctioned between his teeth.
How he has made it to 15 without someone, other than me, telling him to shut his mouth while eating just staggers the imagination.
He too will be buried in the backyard if he doesn’t learn how to eat like humans.

So in light of my ‘kill the people who live with me’ mood I am in…This week Stuff Portrait Friday is going to be a little bit on the weird side.

SPF: December 2, 2005 – CSI

1. Your Weapons
2. Your Victim
3. Your Crime Scene

Now I know many of you will be mad about this week.
“She’s sposta set certain things! A DISHTOWEL, A COUCH, MY CAR! She can’t make us ‘think’ of what to take pictures of!”

Yes, I am making you think. Let me just give you a few examples of things I might take pictures of for this week.
If…and this isn’t too big of a stretch…IF I were to commit a crime, I would totally use something that makes sense to me. Like say…AN XBOX to the side of the head. Maybe a PLATE OF FOOD. PERHAPS THE DOG’S LEASH…because GOD KNOWS the boy isn’t using it to walk the dog!

*deep breath*

I’m trying to decide if I want the anxiety attacks or the pent up anger. Which one would you choose?

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27
Nov
113311826409649267
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


I am the happiest person alive.
Why? Why do you ask?

Is it because I have a Gingerbread Latte with a huge Sunday paper filled with ads?
Is it because I have the bestest boyfri fiancee in the world?
Is it because I just ordered the remote for the Nikon?
Is it because … Oh hell, let me just tell you!

I have a computer IN MY ROOM!

The ex finally did that thing he does to the computer to make it better and so I had TWO computers.
Many of you will be thinking, “Didn’t she go to college for that type of stuff?” YES I DID. And about the first year in I decided I hated the teachers for taking away the mystery of the computer.
You know what? The computer IS NOT MAGIC. To fix it, you can’t use pixy dust. My college degree has taken away a piece of my imaginative youth and for that, I will not repair computers any more.

I couldn’t help standing over the ex and asking a million questions while he hooked up my WIRELESS ROUTER and as he set up the security for it.
That was the one thing I did enjoy in college. I loved learning about networking security and how to breach it. I wanted to be certain that no one was getting into my virtual underwear drawer of information. God forbid someone crawls into my computer and sees what I am doing.

Then I thought about it for a minute.

You guys already know all my secrets…Thanks to Stuff Portrait Fridays.

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26
Nov
113303413587865028
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: friends, Random


With the holidays here, we have had to put a halt to searching for Christie Wilson. Now i’m ready to get back out and start looking again.

Before ‘Cita and I head out to our next location we usually stop and get a coffee. A few hours into the hunt and we are starving to death and about 15 miles from nowhere on backroads.

Being the experts on how NOT to search for missing people we have decided to replan our strategy.
It started with getting a REAL map. We bought 3 in hopes that one of them will have the area we are looking for. None of them have the roads we travel though.

We also realized that we couldn’t tell you which direction we were going if the sun were setting and there was moss on every single tree. We have actually thought of getting a GPS system, but the compass was SO much cheaper.

We also found that all that walking was causing this strange sensation in our legs and arms. Pain. We added water and aspirin to the list.

‘Cita decided it was time to get some gloves for searching. There is only so many times that you want to hear the other one yell, “Don’t Touch!” and after the stuff we found last time, I WANT to be wearing gloves!

She stopped at the candy section on the way out of the store and grabbed some Red Vines for snacking. I’m not a big ‘candy’ eater, but the pack of bite sized Chick-o-Sticks looked good.

We got out on the road and I see her eating a Red Vine.
“Cita, can you get me one of those Chick-o-Sticks?”
With a disgusted look she pulls out my bite sized candy and smells it. “Hmm.”
“What?” I ask.
“I just don’t understand why anyone would eat one of these.”
“They are good, you just don’t like peanut butter so you wouldn’t like it.”
“Peanut Butter? You mean it doesn’t taste like Chicken?”

I laughed for about 5 miles while she read the bag. “Peanut butter and Coconut? Why in the world would someone put the word ‘CHICK’ in there and expect us to think it WOULDN’T taste like chicken??”

“Do your Red Vines taste like leaves?”

“F*** You!”

“Awww, you’re like my Cuban Jessica Simpson.”

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25
Nov
113294491334241304
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: friends, Random


I didn’t do the ‘I’m Thankful’ for post. I was going to everyone’s blog and checking out their breasts…on the Turkeys…and I noticed that a lot of you talked about being thankful for things. I had not even thought about that.

I’m Thankful for all the normal things; kids, house, job, indoor plumbing, hi def tv and Tivo in the bedroom.

I’m also thankful for this outlet. I am thankful for all the people that have come in to my life because of it. I am thankful for the changes I have made in my life because of you guys.

In so many of you I have found what I want to be. I want to be like Cat and just be that cool. I want to be like Susie who I’m POSITIVE is the most level headed person alive. I want to be like Pissy and tell it like it is. I want to have Erns passion for something. I want to be the eyes of Wave of Modulation. I want to be able to write like Nilbo & Bucky & William. I want to play the pink guitar like Metro does! I want boobs like Jessica Rabbit and I want to sleep with women like RSG.

*shaking head* I really get a bit carried away, don’t I?

I have found through reading ALL your blogs that you guys know how to handle situations without freaking out. You juggle your responsibilities and still have time to sit down and write for us. Some of you open all the way up and show me a side of yourself that I thought I only had. You all relate with each other on some level. You rarely judge. You pray and send packages of banana chocolate chip bread to make sure there is no chance in hell I will ever fit into a wedding dress…but baked it with so much love…and chocolate.

I am thankful for all of my readers and their readers. I am thankful that every Friday we get new people to go visit. I’m thankful for Kami who always has a nice comment on people’s blogs…and it’s usually always FIRST.

I am also thankful that you’re all going to be sending me Christmas cards with Starbucks gift cards inside.

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24
Nov
113288452195578168
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: stuff portrait friday


Rubba Dub Dub – Thanks for the Grub….Yay God.

This was my first ever Thanksgiving without my kids. It wasn’t the same. Now it’s not even 6 pm and I am tempted to sneak over to my ex’s house and grab them. It was too damn quiet at Shaun’s parent’s house. It’s too damn quiet here. I can actually hear myself typing!

Something/s/one that makes Thanksgiving.



Family. This is O’Ryan and his brother, Bannon. It was neat to watch the two of them together.

Your Dinner


The Aftermath


Bonus points: Tacky Centerpiece


Personally I thought the singing turkey guy was pretty cute. No one else liked him though.

Hope you all had a Happy Thanksgiving.

Did you play?

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23
Nov
DAMN YOU SISTER!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Dashababy


For those Random and Odd readers that are following the Saga of the Underwear, I found them!

I just got rid of them and NOW THEY ARE BACK.

Kathy, you SUCK!

I’m keeping the cute bag you hid them in.



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23
Nov
NIKON USERS: Read This!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
Nikon Inc. is asking your cooperation in connection with a voluntary recall of certain lot numbers of its Nikon Model EN-EL3 rechargeable lithium ion battery packs. The battery pack can experience a short circuit causing it to overheat and possibly melt, posing a potential hazard to consumers.

Nikon said, if I have the lot number battery that I should take the battery out of my camera and STOP USING IT. I have to send my battery in and have it replaced.

The people at Nikon….ARE SMOKING CRACK!

Take the life source out of my camera and..and…SEND IT AWAY TO BE REPLACED? You have GOT to be kidding me!?

I will do NO such thing.

This is much like the killing of the spiders in the bathroom…Shaun will have to do this.

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23
Nov
Keep Walkin’ On…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


It’s days like today that I wish I had some sort of physic ability.

Since we don’t have to get up and drive the kids to 3 different schools all week, my friend ‘Cita and I took the first couple of days to search for Christie Wilson. I had talked to another searcher who wanted to go out behind the casino, so we went with him. We walked through thickets of blackberry bushes, over fences, through areas clearly posted: NO TRESPASSERS! and I even parked my car in a ‘NO PARKING’ zone. It was rough out there.
We searched roads, side roads, ravines, under bridges & ponds. Nothing.

My car did get attacked by a swarm of wasps when I left the window open. I came back to the car and I had like 15 wasps inside and then proceeded to freak the fuck out when they started chasing me.

Yesterday morning I got a call from a detective from the sheriff’s department. (ohhhh, that sounded so cool) and he said he was going to go up and investigate a lead he got. He asked if we would be searching up in the creepy place we found the gloves. OF COURSE WE WOULD! A real detective would be where we have been searching. Someone we could talk to and ask a hundred billion questions? YES WE WOULD.

There is only one catch. We won’t go out there without a man with us. I got emails from you guys telling me not to do it anymore unless I brought someone, I got phone calls from friends telling me that I better be more careful….oh, and my mother grounded me.

I didn’t think he would do it, but I asked Shaun. I don’t think he expected to end up in Deliverance country though.
It’s really creepy out there.
Like, something weird goings ons up thar. creepy.
Like,I wish I had mom’s .357 long barrel. creepy.

We searched for several hours and found almost nothing. What we did find was weird.

So today I am going to lay in bed with my little girls and be happy that I have them safely in my arms.

I hope you all have an awesome Thanksgiving.

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22
Nov
CSI: Random And Odd
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Shaun


Shaun here, blogging on behalf of the TiVo watching Kristine:

Agent Shaun has joined in the search for The Body. He’s the new rebellious guy on the show (just eye candy for the female viewers….hehehe). As the new guy, he basically drives the CSI Dodge Caravan and carries the camera. Thats pretty much it. Hoping putting a picture of Kristine next to Grissom will get me some bonus points.

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11
Dec
“ooooooh, look at the lights!!”
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: damn dogs!, Random


I moved to Rocklin almost ten years ago. Has it been that long? Yeah, I guess it has.

When I first moved here I was told I had to go to the ‘Disney Houses’ behind The Bel-Air.
This whole street over decorated their houses with lights, fog machines and each house had different Disney characters. Some people transformed their garage into a full on Santa Claus Workshops.
It was breathtaking!

Over the years, more houses have joined the ranks and the one street has turned into many. The “Disney Houses” are now known as the “Street of Lights”.
It’s no longer a ‘Rocklin’ thing and a whole Sacramento thing.

I uploaded a bunch of the pictures to my Flickr site if you want to walk through it virtually.

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10
Dec
113428472162131820
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: friends, Random
I was checking your blogs for SPF and I went to Susies and found a link to Amy’s family blog.

Since my internet was down I didn’t get to make the normal rounds and I missed so many posts.

I ALMOST MISSED THIS ONE: Amy from Anyone’s Guess comedy skit.

Shaun came in the bedroom and said, “Honey, what are you laughing at? I can hear you all the way in the living room!?”

I’ve seen some pretty funny stuff on the internet, but this one takes the fruitcake! If you miss it, you’re going to be sorry! I laughed the whole 11 minutes and I think I might have wet myself during the 12 days of Stressmas.

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08
Dec
SPF
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: stuff portrait friday


OK, Stuff Portrait Friday was delayed due to technical difficulties. SPF Headquarters has been exposed to internet access problems. The issues have been resolved, so back to your regularly scheduled programming (because of the delay, the Golden Girls marathon will not be seen).

Happy To Be Stuck With You

No, this weeks theme has nothing to do with bad 80′s songs. Here’s the tatoo picture, since I don’t have a tattoo it turned into a photoshop project.



Here’s the bumper sticker picture also…..again, no bumper stickers on the van, Morrison, so Shaun spent more time creating these ones than it would have taken to physically build a bumper. Sorry if you were left off the bumper, Shaun had to make it up as he went along.



Here’s what I change. Most people treat these things as a permanent purchase. I look at them as upgrades. In a milliom years, when exploreres dig up my house, they’ll have an evolutionary chart of digital photography. In the past eight years, I’ve purchased nine different digital cameras….including two in the past year alone. Between lens covers, batteries, memory cards, USB cords, you’d think that Circuit city exploded in this house.

With BAMF Nikon D70 in the fold, I don’t forsee any changes anytime soon. Except for a new back-up for him, of course.

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08
Dec
113407053851267944
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


There are certain things I shouldn’t be allowed to have.

1. Coffee after 5 pm (even though it tastes better at night)
2. A permit to carry a gun. (only one Seguin female should have that right)
3. Anything sharp
4. A credit card

and most importantly,

5. a cell phone that fits into my back pocket.

If the reports are true about brain tumors from cell phones, I should have one the size of a cantalope. I have been a cell phone user all the way back to the bag phone days…the years after that when they looked like giant gray bricks…when they slimmed down…when they got smaller…when you could change the face of them…when you could flip them open…I was a test market of people that tested ‘voice dialing’….I have met and had dinner with the founder of Cellular One (then became AT&T Wireless and now Suckular..er, Cingular) Craig McCaw.

I am a proud cell phone user. I have had my share of cellular phones. I have DROPPED every single phone I have owned…but today I crossed a line.

We have three cellular phones in our home. Shauns, mine, and the ‘kids’. To say I lose my phone often is an understatement. I can lose my phone for weeks and not miss it too much because I just use the kid’s phone.

My phone right now is MIA. I have looked in all the places I put my phone; Camera Bag, Coat Pocket, back pocket, floor of the minivan, friends houses, under the bed….nothing. It’s all good though…I can just use the kids.

IF I HAD NOT LEFT IT IN MY BACK POCKET AND WASHED IT!

Who’s bright idea was it to allow cell phones to be so small that you can put them IN YOUR POCKET?
Don’t you remember the good ol’ days when you had to have a leather bag designed to fit the phone? REMEMBER when you had to keep your phone IN THE CAR. CAR PHONE?

You know the sounds that scare you out of your mind? The sound of wheels screetching behind you. The sound of your child when he or she has fallen. The sound of your in-laws saying they are staying for a week.
I’m going to add the sound of my cell phone bouncing around in the dryer to that list.

Guess what I am asking Santa for Christmas?

A BAG PHONE!

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07
Dec
113398884234480583
Posted By: Random and Odd  //  Category: Random


I have updated the SPF list for this Friday. It’s “Happy To Be Stuck With You”

Dec 9th – Happy To Be Stuck With You

your tattoo or birthmark


your bumper sticker


something you keep changing
Tattoo or birthmark will be hard for me, but I decided I am going to have Shaun just draw one on me. Any suggestions?

I also don’t have bumper stickers, but I do have one I am thinking about putting on the van. Maybe.

Changing things is the common around this place so I can’t wait to find something I change alot. No, you will not be seeing my underwear! OH GOD, it’s NOT because I don’t change them a lot though. I’ll just shut up now.

I just want to forewarn you all: Every picture of me from this day forward I will be wearing my new, green, JOHN DEERE SWEATSHIRT!
My future brother in law O’Ryan finally caved into my whimpering, whining and threats. He brought it over last night and I haven’t taken it off since. I slept in it. I will only take it off to shower then it’s going back on.

For the record…O’Ryan is one of the coolest future brother in laws EVER. The internet loves him because he’s cute, but I love him because he’s funny. Shaun did a picture of him as an elf and one of him as a pimp and instead of being offended, he thought it was funny. He’s cool in my book….and he gave me his John Deere sweatshirt.

Would it be tacky to wear it to their wedding?

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06
Dec
113393681417497491
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: My Brats


It could have been worse…this whole ‘taking pictures for the Christmas card’ thing that people do.

Last year I read horror stories about parents trying to get pictures for their Christmas Cards. I decided I wasn’t going to do all that stressing. I grabbed a snapshot at a restaurant and used that one. It was good enough.
This year, I decided to pull out the tripod and see what we could pull off.
Holy shit it’s hard to get 5 kids and 2 dogs to sit still and all smile at the same time.

You ask, ‘how hard could it be?’.

Cheesy smiles. No smiles. Closed eyes. No lips. Falling off the chair. Halo trying to eat Mooshu. Looking away. Phone ringing. Stoned eyes. Freaky eyes. Bad lighting. No lighting. The fire making the children burst into flames.

171 pictures later we got this one that we liked.

I sweat shopped the kids out last night and made them help fill out the envelopes. If you happen to get a Christmas card that has hearts dotting the ‘i”s you got a ‘Kara’ card. If you got a card where the S’s look like they fell down, you got a ‘Marina’ card. If you got a card where the writing slips off the envelope, you got an ‘Alyx’ card.

Feliz Navidad.

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05
Dec
Going on Two Months
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random

Guess where I went today?

Following the leads we found in the paper we headed out to a small town called Dutch Flats. It was a ‘don’t blink or you’ll miss it’ type of town.
It was one of the friendliest towns i’ve ever been too. It’s also one of the scariest. No Starbucks for MILES AND MILES. *shivering*

The first step in our plan of action is scoping out the place. After we get home we go over all the pictures taken from the car and all the places we jotted down as ‘potential’ place to check. We have promised our loved ones (and the internet) that we won’t go anywhere too freaky, without letting anyone know where we are, full tank of gas, cell phone reception…and so on. The next time out we know where we are going to look…and we bring Shaun.

I couldn’t resist this old cemetery in the middle of town. The road went up this long, winding hill that was covered in pine needles. It looked as if no one had ever driven the road.
The markers went back to the early 1800′s and some of the headstones were made of wood.

As we were leaving the cemetery we saw a man walking down the road. He waved and walked on. ‘Cita and I were like little girls trying to scramble in the car first.

When I got home and showed Shaun the pictures his eyebrows crawled into his hairline.
“Kristine! WILL YOU PLEASE WAIT FOR ME? I have every Friday off, I will go with you to look for Christie.”

I tried to reassure him that it wasn’t as bad as it looked from the pictures.

“You said you heard dogs howling at the cemetery and walking down the road was the old man from ‘I Know What You Did Last Summer’ Yeah, it’s not that bad huh?”



Okay, he has a point.

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04
Dec
It’s a — Family Tradition…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: My Brats

Shea, The Baby of the Family

This is our second Christmas as a ‘family’. This is our second trip searching for the perfect tree, our second attempt at decorating the house & our second year following traditions we have made the following year.

On Saturday morning we were all gathered on my bed talking when Shea slipped into a British accent.
She can’t pronounce her ‘r’s very well so she always sounds like she’s from Boston, but a British child who can’t pronounce her ‘r’s sounds completely normal.

Shaun said, “Shea, I will give you $5.00 if you can keep that accent ALL DAY.”
I was already laughing because I knew she would be able to do it, “Shea, you have to call Shaun Pop-pop and you have to call me ‘Mummy’, can you remember that?”
She tilted her head and said in a flawless British accent, “Of course, Mummy. Can I go outside for a spell and play?”
I.LOST.IT. Tears were streaming down my face as I told her she would have to ask Shaun.
“Pop-Pop?”
I think I might have peed the bed at this point.

All day she kept the accent. She even kept it while she was getting pissed that we wouldn’t give her the money.
“Pop-Pop? You do have me money right?” British accent intact the whole time.

After dinner we gave her the five dollars and she dropped the accent. It was amazing to hear the difference in her voice and I started to miss the well behaved British girl that had graced our house all day.

We took our Christmas pictures, got our tree and headed home.

I realized we have one of the weirdest Christmas time traditions; on the way home, tree on top of the van…we sing. We all sing together as a family.
Not “Let it Snow” or “Jingle Bells”.
We sing Bohemian Rhapsody…with harmony & flare!

Piling out of the car I heard Marina say, “I love this family.”

Yeah. me too.

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02
Dec
113351909375474141
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: stuff portrait friday


The Victim/s: US!

The women of this house have been cursed with BAD hair this week! I think it might have something to do with our cursed monkey.



Look at me! What is wrong with me??



Poor Shea has just been a complete ball of bad hair frustration. She wouldn’t allow me to take a picture of her hair. She just attacked!



and if that isn’t enough…Tyler has grown ANTLERS!



The Weapon: This Damn Cursed Monkey!



The Crime Scene: The Children’s Room. No matter what they do…since the monkey moved in…it CAN NOT BE CLEANED!



Not only has he destroyed our hair & home. He has destroyed my ability to spell and put a sentence together that doesn’t run or have an overflow of commas! HE MUST BE STOPPED!

Please help us by removing the monkey from our home. I NEED YOUR HELP TO BEATING THE MONKEY!

I hope your CSI: Stuffed Portrait Friday isn’t as tragic as ours. You can help though…Click Here.

Did you play?

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01
Dec
To cry or sob with soft intermittent sounds
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random, shea


The overwhelming support of Halo the dumb adorable dog was staggering.
For the record; watermelon flavored dum-dums are the best.

Today I was on the computer in the kitchen watching some stuff on Ebay when I noticed that my ‘bookmark’ tab that runs along the top of the web browser said: WOM, which stands for Wave of Modulation. I made her website a tab that I would go to often because I didn’t want to miss any new pictures she posted. I had 2 hours before the item I am watching is up so I decided to check some blogs.

I have 2 types of crying. I have the type of crying that involves nothing but tears. The other type of crying involves crying and yelling. I don’t have anything in between.
Today I found a new type of crying.

I read WOM’s post today and at the end of it, with tears pouring down my face, I whimpered. Never before have I heard this type of pained crying.
My heart broke inside my chest and the only way to relieve the pain of it was to sob.

Halo, Satan’s Dog, heard me and came over and put her head on my leg. She began licking my hands. She was worried about me.
I told her that I was okay and I got up from the computer to go get some tissue. She followed me to the bathroom. I decided that I needed to wash something to try to stop the crying and she followed me into the laundry room. Even though she knows better than to come in the bedroom, she followed me in and kept licking my hands.

Maybe that dog isn’t so bad after all.

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22
Dec
113527335274457667
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: damn dogs!, Random


We have family meetings. With 5 brats kids and two adults living in this house, we need to get together and beat the children have long, important talks about how things get ran around the house.

I’m making it sound much better than it really happens. Here’s how it really happens:

The first step is Shaun coming home to me curled in a fetal position on the side of the bed.
“Hard day honey?” He leans down and rubs my head.
After the shaking and sobbing stops, “yes. i hate children.”
He smiles at me, “I know you do honey. Wanna talk about it?”
I then slam my head into the side of the bed a few times until my noggin is resting on the carpet.
“The kids…they yell at each other all the time” Then I go into my Marina/Kara/Shea/Alyx impression of them. “and…Tyler, he doesn’t listen…he WON’T WALK THE DOG UNLESS I DEMAND HIM TO! and oh…god…the…class party is tomorrow…”
“I’ll help. Kristine, why are you on the floor?”
“DAMN DOG PEED ON THE FLOOR AGAIN!”

Then after I finally calm down and the insane eye blinking and twitching stops, we go talk to the kids.

Shaun, he’s so rational and calm. He gives examples, stories and adds little jokes. I think if he knew how to give a Power Point presentation on ‘family harmony’ during our meetings, he would.
I on the other hand sit on the couch next to him and yell things like, “Yeah! what he just said!”
and “If you do THAT again, I will ground you!”

After the meeting the kids all go about their way, happy, laughing and joyful. I personally think we should end each meeting with a shot of capscum to the eyes or at least a little bit of electrocution to drive our point home….”NO MORE YELLING! NO MORE FIGHTING! GET THE FUCK ALONG OR MOMMY IS GOING TO SNAP!” but we don’t. We just let them get along for 5 minutes until it starts up again.

Last week we had to have a meeting because everyone is being really rude to each other and Shaun is tired, really tired of the kids yelling from one end of the house to another.
“KAAAARRRRRAAAAAAAA!!!!!” Marina yells from the bedroom.
Kara ignores her, because Kara is a bitch like that.
“KAAARRRRRAAAAAA!!!!!” She yells again.
Kara ignores her again.
“KARA!” I yell from the other bedroom, “ANSWER HER!”
“WHAT DO YOU WANT MARINA!?!”

As you can see, it gets annoying and Shaun said, “No more yelling…I can’t stand the yelling in this house. If you want to say something, say it…there is no reason to yell it…”

and it was at THAT MOMENT that I heard the sound of SANTA CLAUS ON THE FIRE TRUCK….IN. OUR. COURT!

I was 5 again. “SANTA IS HERE! SANTA IS HERE!!!!” I screamed it and Shaun said I pushed Shea out of the way as I ran for the front door. “SANTA!! HE’S HERE!!”

Do you know how hard it is to try to look stern while we were finishing our family talk with a candy cane sticking out of my mouth, knowing I had broke every new family rule we had just made?



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20
Dec
113512163553999059
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: alyx


I have done one of the meanest things a parent can do to a child, outside of running over their cat. Which I may or may not have done during my college days.

I numbered the Christmas gifts.

Yes. I know. MEAN HUH? (this is where you hear me laughing like an evil loon)

The girls came home from their dads and there is a pile of gifts under the tree.
“YAY, GIFTS!!” They run towards the tree and pick up the multi colored boxes.
“Mom? Who’s #4?”
“You’ll find out on Christmas….unless…you can figure it out on your own.

Oh the whining…Complaining…and then the “I’ll figure it out first!” threats.

Everyday after school, Alyx has been setting aside a little time to figuring it out. She asks me very simple questions in hopes of finding out what the answer is.
Today, after what sounded like a simple question, her eyes brightened and she rushed into the house.
She had been asking one or two questions a day. Well, all those questions added up to the answer she was waiting for.



“Mommy, if I get the answer right and show you how I got it, will you tell me if I’m right?”
I made her promise that if she did get it she wouldn’t tell the other kids how she got the answer. She promised.

Then she brought me the right answer.

I told her that if anyone else figured it out because of her notes that I would take her presents away.

She took a pair of scissors and cut up the paper in a million pieces.

At this moment she is sitting in the living room laughing like a evil loon.

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20
Dec
SPF: HO HO HO
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: stuff portrait friday


Any reason to write Ho 3 times.

Last week I wanted to be able to accommodate everyone…this week, it’s for those of us that wear bells, roast our nuts and yell ho, ho, ho at random people.

(yes, I realize I have just described Bucky every month of the year)

December 23

Your favorite wrapped present
Something new you added to your decorations this year
Your Christmas cards
I put a lot of work into wrapping all the presents this year. All of them. BY.MY.SELF. I can’t wait to showcase the wrapping job I did this year.

I also added a few things to the decor.

Ohhh ho ho ho the cards I got this year. I even have a couple favorites. ;)

I’m sure you were all thinking I was going to ask to see your tree huh? Yeah, well…if you want to throw your tree into the picture, by all means…go for it. It’s almost Christmas and I’m feeling a bit high on the egg nog…or it might be the spray on cheese.

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19
Dec
We are being interviewed…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


‘Cita and I are being interviewed today for the work that we have been doing on the Christie Wilson case.

It’s flattering, yet it brings so many things into focus.

SOMEONE out of my control is going to be able to take pictures of ME. I offered to just take the shots myself.
Not wanting unfavorable pictures of us in mass publication, I was ready to crop, soften and remove any gnarly shots of us and only mail in the good ones, but they insisted they have a real photographer come out and take the shots.

My mother, sister and I have this agreement: no one posts pictures of each other without first getting permission from the other first. There is a reason for this, my mother is a cruel-ass-bitch.
This is a good thing to have, an agreement. I broke it recently when I posted the picture of my sister with the ‘underwear’ on her head. She retaliated by posting EVERY horrible picture of me she has…well, except that one picture…that’s her ace in the hole.
This agreement has let me have restful sleep at night. I know that I won’t wake up to bad pictures plastered on the internet…that I didn’t put up there.

Who knows what kind of shots this ‘photographer’ is going to get. He’s going to take a picture of me and the non-existing chin. Did you know that? My face is going slide off because I have no chin. It’s there from a front view and then the side profile…NO CHIN, it slides into my neckline.
Don’t get me started on the shots he’s going to get of me smiling. I hate the fake smiles. Some people have the greatest fake smiles…I’m not one of them. I look like the brother on “My Name is Earl”.
Racoon eyes. He’s going to get a shot where my eyes look like they are sinking into the back of my head.

Am I really this vain? I am, huh?

Why do I care? really? I mean…you guys saw me with cursed hair.

I think it might have been the ‘We need to send a ‘real’ photographer.’ comment.

I swear if this REAL photographer shows up with a Nikon D70 I will beat him to death with my camera bag all the while yelling, “I COULD HAVE DONE THIS MYSELF AND SAVED MYSELF TEN XANAX!”

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18
Dec
113497214869866491
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Wedding


I did something this weekend that I have been putting off. I sat down and began my wedding planning.

Making reservations for dinner isn’t something I do a lot of anymore. I usually just yell the order at the menu board and hope the kids don’t spill the french fries all over the van floor.
While the kids were gone for the weekend we decided it was time to have our engagement dinner and actually pin some things down. It’s important to have a place and a time. right?
After a nice steak dinner we had come up with nothing.

No date, place, colors…nothing.

It’s official, We suck at wedding planning.

We have decided that it MUST be done and we can’t afford a wedding planner so we are going to have you all help us pick everything out.

How do you all feel about picking out things from dresses, party favors & colors?

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17
Dec
113487664571306928
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: alyx


Click the pic to see how you’ve all help make Aly’s frog picture one of the most watched items on Ebay!!!!

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15
Dec
113471679175616979
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: stuff portrait friday


Dec 16th – For Everyone…

Something RED


can you see me in the reflection??


Something GREEN


Christmas Card from a couple of Random and Odd readers :)


Something you decorate


The Aloe Plant on my coffee table. It’s not easy making an aloe plant look festive.

Did you play???

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14
Dec
Better late than never…right?
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: stuff portrait friday


This week…seeing that we are nearing the ‘holiday’ season.
I found out that some of my readers don’t do Christmas. When I was little and I was told that a kid didn’t celebrate Christmas…I cried for them.
I tried one year to give Louisa Newcomb a present because I didn’t want her to not have anything to open on Christmas morning and she wouldn’t except it. I tried to convince her that she could hide it and her parents wouldn’t have to know.
She explained to me that she just didn’t believe in Christmas and that to open that present on that day wouldn’t mean anything to her.

I cried for her and never understood why her parents could be so mean as to take Santa away!

I now understand…but I still want to give presents to those who don’t celebrate. I’m not sure if I am just a moron or I was shaken too much as a child.

This week…so everyone will play:

Something RED

Something GREEN

Something that you decorate.

Next week, I’m going all Holiday…so don’t give us TOO much!!

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12
Dec
A Random and Odd Update:
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


(CBS 13) AUBURN – After several days of preliminary hearings an Auburn Judge has decided that Mario Garcia should stand trial for the murder of Christie Wilson.

‘Cita and I went to court this afternoon for the cross examination and closing arguments.
It was frustrating and heartbreaking. The judge went over all the evidence and ruled to take it to trial.
I hadn’t realized that everyone on the right side of the court room was holding their breath until he gave his ruling. It was at that moment that we all let out a sigh of relief and began breathing again.

I know it sounds weird for everyone to hear that we are searching for a missing woman. In the last month, it’s gone from a missing woman to a ‘dead body’. I’m sure it sounds even more strange that we are going to the court to ‘hear’ the evidence in the trial. To explain to someone that we are just trying to find out more in hopes of being able to point us in a direction to search just isn’t enough.

The first time we went into court we watched hours of testimony on hair DNA. We also met Christie’s family, and to speak for both ‘Cita and I, we were blown away by their strength and friendliness. In a rough time they were thoughtful and polite to everyone they came in contact with.
Christie’s step-father, Pat has a calming effect on everyone. He can reassure you with just a look or a smile. Her mother…what an amazing woman. In my family we call my sister ‘The Rock’ because that is what she is to us. My mom is the glue. I’m guessing that Christie’s mom is both.
I handed her a candle & holder that ‘Cita and I picked out for her…it said “hope” on the holder and she looked at it and I know she understood what we were trying to say. She hugged us…it was one of those REAL hugs.
After she was interviewed in front of the courthouse she came over and told us to have a great holiday season…and to let us know that she has lots of Hope. She hugged us and thanked us again.
In fact, all of her family came over and said hello and offered up hugs.

I understand how this looks ‘weird’. Two house-wives out looking for a ‘dead body’ and spending our time in court.
What I don’t understand is how people can tease, mock or poke fun at us for doing it. We aren’t asking that they get in our car and help us look. We aren’t asking for them to come to court with us. We have never asked anything from them.

‘Cita’s husband told her, “Just remember that they can say whatever they want. They can crack all the jokes they want. They will never know how good you feel when Christie’s mom thanks you and smiles when she is updated on the places you have been and where you’re going next. It doesn’t even matter when you think about the hope you bring that family.”

Hope. It’s not even measurable.

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11
Dec
Ribbit…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: alyx
Where the hell did this weekend go?
Who took the weekend like a wet rag and RUNG IT OUT?

The Ebay craze in our house is over the top. Alyx, our budding artist, has decided that she’s going to put up her picture of the Blog Frog she drew when he was here.
When you ask her what she wants to be when she grows up she says, “An Artist.” When Shaun moved in and brought all his paint brushes and paints it just fed her dream.

Being the supportive mother I am, i’m going to promote the hell out of that picture for her.

If you have Ebay, go check out the listing. Bid you want, but PLEASE at least put it on your ‘watching’ list so when Shaun shows her how many people are ‘watching’ her picture she will get excited.

For my readers if you are the winning bidder (at ANY price) I will include a pair of Monkey Toe Socks. If you win, just send me an email.
*note to Jessica Rabbit – your cursed monkey is on the way. I will not be held responsible for the fucked up hair days and reduced breast size that might occur after the monkey arrives.

When Kara decided she wanted to be a singer, I bought her a karaoke unit. The sound of her trying to hit certain notes caused some hearing loss, but I’ll live.
I guess I should be grateful that Alyx wants to be a artist and not a brain surgeon.

Wait…..maybe I need to re-think this.

Alyx’s BlogFrog picture.
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31
Dec
a short year in review…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random

Last Year’s New Years Party

Last year on this day I was not happy. I was sad & frustrated…and fed up. I was done.

I’ve never been a big fan of New Year’s day anyway. It seems like all the really bad things in life, I found out on or near New Years Day.
When I was 16 I found out on a 45 minute trip to town that my best friend slept with my boyfriend. We were half way to where we were heading when new years rolled over. I was sitting in between the two of them. It was horribly painful to not be able to get out of the car or beat the living hell out of them.

When I was 18 I found out that my parents still had sex on more than just New Years Day. They had sex a lot. That just grosses me out. I love The Fonz…but EWWW. just…eww.

I found out in 1999 that the party I was waiting for, SUCKED. Prince was so wrong. I now party like it’s 1988 instead.

One New Years a few years ago I found out the guy I was obsessed with was with someone else.

The next year I spent New Years rearranging my furniture and avoiding breaking up with someone that I was with only because I was lonely.

One New Years I was with someone that wouldn’t kiss me in public because he didn’t want our friends to know we were sleeping together.

Last year, it wasn’t any better. It was almost the end of my relationship with Shaun.

This year marks a huge accomplishment in my life. I was in a relationship that I wasn’t sure I wanted to work out. I stuck with it instead of just walking out. I WORKED for this relationship.

So tonight when it rolls over to 2006 I will know that last year was one of the better years in my life. I wasn’t obsessing over someone I couldn’t have, I wasn’t with someone that was embarrassed of us and I wasn’t trying to figure out how to end a relationship I didn’t want to be in.

I earned this year.

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29
Dec
113593095903284470
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


Watching The Ball Drop- 2006

As Dick Clark is dusted off and joins Ryan Seacrest (third sign of the apocolypse, I believe) for the televised beginning of 2006, we bloggers pause momentarily to reflect on 2005.

My New Year’s Resolution



Lenses. They are a integral part of my photography obsession. I’ve actually put together a formidable collection of these bad boys, now I need to master them. So my resolution for 2006 is to improve my photographic skills by learning these things inside and out. So if you were sick of all the 2005 photos, get out now.

My Favorite Picture of 2005



SOOOOO many pictures to choose from…..but this one was a fun one that actually ended up becoming my blog masthead for many months of 2005. The photo is actually one Shaun took of me taking a picture of Alyx while we were all on a very secluded beach in Pacifica, CA. Deciding on my favorite photo was a toughie, but if it has to be just one……

Something I’ll be GLAD to leave behind in 2005



&*^$@*&*^$ Ugly curtains must go in 2006. They’re ugly. They don’t match our room. And they’re ugly and don’t match our room. They are gone in 2006. Along with several other home improvements, the great curtain replacement will surely make its way to Random and Odd (that would be the day you want to skip…maybe go outside or something).

Well, everyone have a great and safe New Year’s! 2006 should be a fun one.

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28
Dec
Lights out…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Anxiety
I watched “One Flew Over the cuckoo’s Nest” tonight.
Shaun fell asleep half way through, and even though I’m not a big movie watcher, I was too lazy to get up and turn it off. I watched it all the way through.
After it was over I thought; Anxiety. yes. Mentally Ill. no.

I turned off the tv and got into bed thinking about how much Jack Nicholson reminded me so much of an old friend of mine, Dale. He has the same ‘Devil may care’ attitude. I talked to Dale the other day online. He got married. I’m getting married too.

I’m getting married. I need to set a date. I guess I need to set a timeframe of how long it will take me to lose this weight so I can fit into a dress.

It’s about here I realize what I am doing. I’m going into ‘anxiety mode’. I rub my eyes and scratch my scalp real hard. That might help clear my head enough to go to sleep.
The lights are off. The TV is off. Shaun’s asleep right here. I’m safe.

Sometimes if I roll over it will shut off the anxiety or redirect my thoughts. Now on my left side I am thinking about the car. I need to renew the insurance. They are going to want some sort of payment up front. I’m going to have to use some of the child support check to take care of that. I need to call the ex tomorrow and have him…oh God. I can’t breathe.

I sit up and try rolling over to the other side. The other side is full of everything I left over on the other side now. Car insurance. Dress sizes. Ex husbands.
I can actually feel my stomach knotting up as I try to find a comfortable pillow.

Excedrin PM or Benedryl…which one will knock me out fastest? The clock only says 1am. There is no way I can fall asleep on my own that early. I could turn back on the television and get lost in the episode of Frosty the Snowman I have Tivoed. No. I need to learn to go to sleep on my own.

I put my head back down and try to remember a time when I could turn off the lights and go to sleep like a normal person without feeling like I am going to burst into tears, clutch my stomach and explode. I know there was a time when I could lay down and not worry about every single detail of my life.
Is there a way I could just focus on ONE part of my life without everything jumping in line screaming “WHAT ABOUT ME? Remember ME?”
Was I really good at drowning those things out or did I not have that before? When did all of this start?

Realizing that trying to analyze why I have anxiety isn’t going to make it better I decide to get up and check the locks on the house. OCD? no. maybe a little. When did I start doing this? I check to make sure the boy is covered and the back door is locked. The locks on the door seems a bit harder to turn. I need to get that checked. I also need to call the people about the carpet. I really need to have it cleaned again. dumb dogs. During a task to try to get my mind off not being able to sleep, I pile more on.

I know. I’ll go to bed and swear to only think about really good things. This week the kids are off of school and Shaun took his vacation time. I need to clean the bedroom. I just tripped over something that may or may night be alive at the foot of my bed. This week we are going to do neat things like some home repair and I promised to take the kids rollerskating. How did I get swindled into doing that again? Oh yeah, dumb ex asked me if I would. Oh yeah. I need to tell him to come over and drop off the check he keeps forgetting to drop off. I would rather I didn’t have to do that. He always makes me listen to his financial whoas when I do. STOP. I swore to only think of the good stuff.
Skiing. Tyler and Shaun have never been skiing so I am taking them skiing. Tomorrow is Wednesday right? Shit. We have to go on Wednesday or Thursday because Friday they go to their mom’s house. I need to call and check road conditions. This is going to be a pain in the ass. Who’s going to watch the little ones while we go?

I roll over again, hoping to locate the pillow that will somehow cause me to fall asleep when I see the answering machine messages. 18. The dog ate the phone lines and now I have no house phone. There are static messages on the machine from parents saying they may or may not be able to make it to Alyx’s birthday party at the roller rink next week. The same party I HAVE NOT BOOKED YET.

GOOD THINGS. I lay back down and think about Christmas with my sister. I love her so much. At any point my parents could die.

I’m up now. There is NO way to go back to sleep after that.

I go and crack the bedroom door and climb back into bed. Sometimes getting up out of the bed will shake bad thoughts. Sometimes I will stare at the door crack and listen for things. It’s my ‘Guard Dog’ motherly ways. If I just stare at the door I can make sure that nothing comes in the house, down the hallway and into my children’s rooms. Sometimes I stare at it until one eye closes…then the other and I fall asleep. At least, in my head, I can rationalize that fear.

Anxiety. yes. Mental illness. ?.

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27
Dec
113574477306377154
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


It’s New Years Eve this Friday…in like 3 days! You ready for this? You ready to start a BRAND NEW YEAR?

Your mission for Friday (New Years Eve) is this:

1. Your New Years Resolution.
2. Your Favorite Picture from 2005
3. Something you’ll be glad to leave behind in ’05

The first one is almost a freebie. You can just get all random and odd and post a picture that has nothing to do with your resolution. You will not be seeing a pack of smokes on my blog. Quit asking me to stop. NO ONE LIKES A QUITTER!

The second one is up to you. It can be a picture from something fun you did or just the best picture you think you took. Something you achieved. Something you got. Anything really…I’m being SO damn nice this week.

The third one is a bit harder huh? Something you want to leave behind…Sometimes it’s hard to capture this…try. I bet you can do it if you just look through the view finder and try to capture it.

I made it easy or hard. Much like my sex life.

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27
Dec
There are Nooooo Cats in America…..
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


This year…Christmas went to the dogs. I have 6 different dogs on my Flickr site from this weekend alone. I had no idea how fun dogs were to take pictures of.
Did you know that after you take their picture and show them the shot you got they don’t say, “Ewww, that makes my face look fat!” In fact they look at the picture and then look at you and NEVER say anything. I didn’t even hear, “That one is a little blurry, try again.”
Dogs are so cool.

So is it wrong to say that I am glad Christmas is over? Is it wrong to want to say it because I want to go buy myself presents?
I got some neat things. Of course, my favorite being the Muppets DVD. The Ex bought me a nice robe from the girls & my step son. It’s really cozy and I look like Hugh Hefner. My father in law…with keeping with tradition, bought me a wooden duck.
I had mentioned to my brother that I wanted a John Deere hat, I got it. Next year I am going to mention that I want a new Ford F150.

I was so excited to see what you all had gotten. I made it to a few of your blogs to check out your pictures. Recovering Straight Girl got a Nikon D50! Nothing says, “I love you so much.” Like a Nikon.

There were a couple things I REALLLLY wanted for Christmas. I wanted a bottle of the DKNY be delicious perfume. Don’t think I am a label person, because i’m not. I don’t even know who DK is, but I know she lives in NY. Also know that I don’t want the perfume just because the bottle is shaped like an apple…that’s just a total bonus! I actually like the smell of it.

I also want the speedflash for my camera.

So if you find yourself in Rocklin and you see a hooker on the side of the road wearing a Hugh Hefner robe, let it be known that I am hooking myself for camera supplies…but I smell fantastic!

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26
Dec
So…Damn…Tired….
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random

Made.It.Home.

*YAWWWWWWWWWNNNNN*

Going to sleep until Thursday.

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25
Dec
113553672387719565
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: My Brats, Random


I hope you all had a great Christmas! I got a wood duck, pink robe & the first season of “The Muppet Show” on DVD.
Shaun got a cross dressing Santa hugging a frog-ornament (thanks Fonz), Nintendo Flashback (with the greatest game EVER…Pong!) and a Home Depot gift card.
Tyler got his NintendoDS system. Marina got her cell phone. Shea got a video camera. Alyx got a video game that will keep her entertained for hours and hours. Kara got a credit card (Watch out Roseville Mall!)

All in all it was probably the best Stone/Baland Christmas thus far. (We’ve only really had 2 official Christmasasssess though)

What did you all get?


Veiw Christmas 2005 Set
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23
Dec
Here It Is…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random

I thought it would be an ‘online’ story, but it made it to the black and white!

For a larger size so you’re able to read it, Click HERE

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23
Dec
Please….
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: friends, Random
Every Friday morning I go to your blogs and check out your stuff.

I noticed a certain name that is usually ALWAYS on my list, not there today.

Renee from “Our Life Journey” lost her dad in a car accident.

Please, send prayers or good vibes…both if you have them. Take a moment today to give her all the strength you can spare.

Renee, know we love you, have you in our thoughts….

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23
Dec
113532833805667239
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: stuff portrait friday


Stuff Portrait Friday- HO HO HO!!!!

OK, this episode is not a ‘holiday’ version. Its a straight-up baby Jesus, Santa with reindeer, stockings, and overpriced electronic goods Christmas post!! For those of you who don’t celebrate Christmas, thanks for respecting our difference in traditions. And sorry for all the crowded malls, traffic jams, and sickening jewelry store ads. The three wise men realllllly should have seen this coming.



My favorite wrapped present

I have no idea whats in this box, but I’m loving the crinkled paper technique that would make Martha Stewart and Christopher Lowell squeal in delight (insert your own joke there).



What I added to the decorations this year

My favorite word: Hope. On a star, on the tree, in the living room. Perfect.



The Christmas Card Collection

This is so cool. Cards from all over the country. From friends, family, and fellow bloggers. We are so blessed to have such a great froup of people here. The great cards and wishes have been great!!

So its been a very special Random And Odd. I hope you and your family have a Merry Christmas!!

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