2005: June - August

05
Jun
111797319781715182
Posted By: Random and Odd  //  Category: Random


Shaun here….OK, I’m blogsitting at 5am Sunday morning. Kristine knows the kids and I made something for her while she’s visiting the Fonz and Dasha for the weekend. Here ya go honey….first, the ugly part.

My crew. Well, my crew for some of this. All three ended up conveniently spending the night elsewhere. But I got some help from each.. Thanks guys!!!



Here’s what needed to be taken out back and shot. Remember the uglist thing post a few weeks ago?? This border was IT.



I took sick joy in watching this shit come down…..



OK, actually everything needed to go. It was bad…..very bad.



so, the bathroom’s done, but I gotta make her squirm. It’s 5:13am….I’m going to bed.

Comments (12)  //  Add Comment
04
Jun
I was AMBUSHED!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Dashababy, The Fonz
I ended up leaving for Redding last night and got here around 11:30 pm.

Mom and Kathy were in Mom’s office and we just hung out. I pulled out the BAMF and they instantly covered their faces!

It turned into an all out camera war. We were laughing so hard trying to ‘out flash’ the other.

They got the mean end of the D70 because in the time they took one picture with the flash, i’ve taken ten. I mentioned that the flash will stun you for a few seconds if you take it right the eye?
It was like a machine gun compared to a revolver. They didn’t have a chance in hell.

Kathy would yell, “NOW MOM! TAKE IT NOW!”
I would stun mom for a few seconds and we laugh so hard because mom would whimper.

Then Kathy grabbed another camera and they ganged up on me. Two against one. 2 Kodaks against a D70.

I still won, but Kathy has some gnarly pictures of me laughing so hard I almost coughed up a lung.

Comments (12)  //  Add Comment
03
Jun
Hand Writen Blog!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: friends, Random
.flickr-photo { border: solid 2px #000000; }.flickr-yourcomment { }.flickr-frame { text-align: left; padding: 3px; }.flickr-caption { font-size: 0.8em; margin-top: 0px; }


Hand Writen Blog!, originally uploaded by randomandodd.
Did she really say ‘big boobed’?
Where in God’s name did she get the impression I have big boobs?

Maybe she was going to write ‘big bootie’.

I’ll be there Darla!! You better be lookin’ all stylin’ because you know I am going to be taking a million pictures.

I’m going to go walk over and take a trillion pictures of the creek that ran between your house and ours.

I better not wear white shoes because if I’m going to Shingletown, they will come back to Sacramento RED.

Red dirt is just SO wrong.

Comments (4)  //  Add Comment
03
Jun
Weekend Madness!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


I keep saying I am going to go visit my mom (The Fonz) and my sister (Mom’s second favorite or Dashababy) and I never have a chance to do it.

With summer starting and the kids at each other’s throats I realized I don’t want to go up there, I NEED TO GO SEE MY MOMMY.

So in trying to figure how to swing it with Kara having games ALL weekend long, closing ceremonies, team party, having some kids, not having others, and the fact that in order to get a half of tank of gas I had to let the clerk at AM/PM feel my boobs…it’s not always ‘easy’ to plan a trip. I did though. Okay, Shaun did it.

You guys are starting to realize that without Shaun here I might be a complete mess?

I will be in Redding from Saturday until…well, until Shaun calls me and tells me that he’s planning to bury one or more of the kids in the backyard. Even then, I might just leave my cell phone at home.

What to expect:

Random pictures of Dashababy and I in various stages of drunkenness.
Random pictures of the Fonz with that clueless look on her face.
Odd pictures of where I grew up.
A picture of me tackling the BAMF away from my mother.
A picture of me sleeping (mom is one mean ass when I am hung over)

So Kath…go get a bottle of Jack Daniels & some asprin.
Mom, I want steak. I want a big ass BBQed steak for dinner.

See you on Saturday!

Comments (14)  //  Add Comment
03
Jun
STUFF Portrait Friday – for reals!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: stuff portrait friday


This is what I call ‘the stinky room’ because when Shea takes off her shoes the flooring starts to warp.



And the other room. I wish they had their bedding on because it’s a ‘hawaiian themed’ room and it looked SO good when Shaun put it all together.



Books. I collect books. This is just a small little bit of them. BS (before Shaun)I had STACKS AND STACKS of them on this ledge in my room. I would decide I need this one special book and go get the ladder and once I got up there I would end up grabbing 5 books and knocking over 3 stacks to get to them.

I came home one day and he had ‘cleaned it up’ for me. Since then I have given away probably half of my books. I use to dread going to the book store because I ran out of credits, but now I don’t mind so much because the camera store is right next door.

Okay…who played? I wanna see your stuff!

Comments (30)  //  Add Comment
03
Jun
111777850351692515
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


My Computer Area

I thought about cleaning it up a bit for you, but that just wouldn’t be me. There are bills, pictures, starbucks, CD’s, pens (sometimes) papers, EVERYTHING can be found here EXCEPT my Nikon charger. I am about to freak the fuck out if I can’t find that thing. If any of my children read this blog today, ….wait…it’s not FRIDAY!

IT’S NOT FRIDAY.

UGH! I HATE SUMMER! I’m leaving this post up as a reminder of what a scatterbrain freak you all come to visit.

Are you sure you wanna hang out with me? I swear, head would FALL OFF if it wasn’t attached.

OH SHIT…IT IS FRIDAY! Tomorrow is FRIDAY…when you read this…it will be Friday.

I’m still leaving that last part up because now you see how my mind is LOST.

I’ll have to post the rest of the pictures tomorrow morning because Flickr is getting a BJ…er…massage right now.

Good night…oh, and IT’S FRIDAY!

Comments (15)  //  Add Comment
02
Jun
Remember these days?
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: My Brats, Random

I drug my poor daughter into school so she could pick up her belongings and say her goodbyes.

I went over to Kara & Rina’s class room to get the final pictures of their 6th grade year.
I caught them during the whole 6th grade pizza party where they were signing year books.

HAGS.

HAGS was written in each year book. I thought, “Oh that sucks! Some jerk is calling people Hags!”

Have A Great Summer.

We have gotten SO LAZY that we can’t even write one single line in a yearbook. We are so living in a world of computer slang that when it comes to saying goodbye that we just write HAGS.

I’m shocked.

Now I need to get these children moving because we have a graduation party at 2:30 pm and then Kara has her second elimination game at 6:15 and somewhere in the middle of that I’m pretty sure I will loose the last strands of hair I have left.

TTUL.

Comments (27)  //  Add Comment
02
Jun
111773001158402449
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: alyx, Random


After a certain age your kids won’t wake up in the middle of the night crying. Or at least it won’t happen every night.
I had forgotten what it’s like to hear your baby crying in the middle of the night, so when Alyx was crying in her room at 4:30 in the morning I was disoriented.

I stumbled over Polly Pocket and jeans to get to her.
“Come on, come get in bed with me.” I took her hot little hand and we climbed into my bed.
She told me that she had a nightmare that she was cleaning her room and Kara wasn’t helping. Then she said everyone left her.

Nightmares break my heart because I have had nightmares haunt me my whole life. In the time I have been with Shaun the nightmares have lessened to once a month instead the regular 2 a night.

She was boiling hot. I didn’t want to get up and leave her to get her a wash cloth, I didn’t want to leave her because I had just been telling her that I would never, ever leave her.

Shaun in his half asleep zombie state, got up. I must have been talking too loudly and he was going to get up and do that thing he does when he wakes up in the middle of the night. I don’t know what it is…he walks down the hall, back up again, fiddles with the alarm clock and then gets back into bed.

He went and got her a cool paper towel to put on her neck…and then climbed right back into bed and fell asleep. You didn’t know he was a mind reader did you?

She woke up this morning still really hot and I told her. “Honey, you’re missing your last day of school.” She’s not too happy about it. She would rather be saying her good-byes.

***

Comments (26)  //  Add Comment
01
Jun
For the CHAMPIONSHIP!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: kara


Tonight is Kara’s last fast pitch softball game. It’s not very often you hear ‘championship’ & ‘softball’ in this house, so we are taking it VERY seriously.

It appears to gear up for the game EVERY child in this house has lost the friggin’ minds.
Marina has eaten EVERYTHING she could find AND is EATING IT IN THE LIVING ROOM!
Kara has been in the shower for OVER AN HOUR…singing THE WHOLE TIME!
Alyx…dear God, once she starts talking…she won’t stop. “look mom, YEARBOOKS!”
Shea. loving. sweet. Shea. has been eating a bowl of fruit loops for an hour.
Tyler. Well he would just explode if we ‘unhooked’ him.

I swear HANDFULS of my hair are falling out as we speak. HANDFULS.

I hate summer.

Oh yeah. good luck Kara!

I’ll let you all know if we win. :)

Comments (17)  //  Add Comment
01
Jun
Oprah taught me how to pole dance and walk like a stripper.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


I very rarely watch Oprah. It’s not because I don’t like her or because I am too good for her…I just forget what time she comes on.

Last night I was laying in bed waiting for the news to come on when on one of the WB channels was Oprah. She was looking really excited about something.

“Finding your inner sex pot!”

Okay. I see make overs, hair extensions, trips to the underwear store to buy cool new britches.
I NEED to know what the weather is like tomorrow so I’ll just watch a little bit.

“You’re going to learn how to pole dance!”

Yep. I watched the whole show.

There is something about Oprah that really pisses me off. She has this uncanny ability to see into my closets, my underwear drawer, UNDER MY COVERS!

“I know you’re out there…in your frumpy pajamas..” Yes. She nailed that one.
“I know you’re wearing those old underwear! Those grannie panties!” bitch.
“I know that bra is worn out.” As I re-adjust the underwire from poking the left boob.

She showed this woman who wore sweaters that had pumpkins, ghosts, Christmas trees, hearts or whatever symbolized the last holiday. HA! at least i’m not THAT bad.

Then she showed a woman that only wore sweats and her hair in a pony tail. I’m THAT bad. I’m worse! I add toe socks and a pink robe!

The husband’s responses were priceless. They were overjoyed to see the woman they fell in love with. They NEEDED to see that woman again.

I got to thinking about how I was before I met Shaun.

So I have some questions for myself:

1. When did it get okay to wear sweats ALL day?
2. When did I slip into buying PINK sweats to match my robe?
3. Why hasn’t my sister shot me for letting my roots grow out this far?
4. How old is my face make up?

I’m attractive. THERE I SAID IT. BUT, I don’t feel attractive right now.
It starts with the hair. They ALWAYS start with the hair on these shows where they go from ‘frump to sexy’. Next is make up. Then they get new clothes.

So I have a few steps in between each of these…hair first. Kathy, fire up the bleach I’m coming up to see you.

Mom, I had a dream about a sports bra/tank top combo. I think I might need one of those because in order for me to buy new clothes I need to justify it. I have like 18 pairs of size ten jeans in my closet. It’s time to start walking and eating right.

Damn you Oprah! I WANT TO POLE DANCE! AND I BLAME IT ALL ON YOU!

Comments (48)  //  Add Comment

09
Jun
Shhh, don’t tell Shaun i’m on the computer!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: photography
Last night I was trying to show Libby the main reason I bought the D70 in the first place.
I tried to explain it and I came out sounding like a pre-schooler talking about my big wheel.

I’m still working on learning how this thing works. I’ve got the internal workings of the D70 down. I can change things in the settings. I have veered away the ‘auto’ buttons and have began programming. I will tell you though, I have some serious learning to do. 9 out of 10 of my pictures come out like shit. I will keep trying though.

So last night I tried to explain, “I want what I am focusing on to be IN focus and everything else OUT of focus.”


PINK IN FOCUS


LIGHT PINK IN FOCUS


WHITE IN FOCUS


BLUE IN FOCUS

The thing I hate; is in order to get these shots last night I had to have it set at these settings:

Exposure: 0.2 sec (1/5)
Aperture: f/4.5
Focal Length: 70 mm
Exposure Bias: 1 EV
ISO Speed: 1600

(if you have flickr, it will let you open the pictures at the largest setting which is ‘friggin huge’ and you can see having the iso at that large of a setting makes the pictures grainy.

I have a feeling Shaun has a setting on this computer that it will start zapping me so I am going to go back to bed. The boy plugged in the Xbox in my room so I should be fine for today.

Anyone bored and want to call me???

Comments (26)  //  Add Comment
09
Jun
She’s Broked
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Shaun


Shaun here. I was supposed to start blogging again, but then everyone’s favorite toe-sock model went and threw her back out. So I’m the substitute here today. Don’t try getting away with not doing your regular work, or getting out early. I’m the substitute you hated in third grade!

I’m not sure I want to know what happens when she visits her mom and sister that brings her home home with injuries!! Thanks to everyone for their nice words, but her ass is duct-taped down to the bed(this time for purely non-sexual reasons) for a day or two. I’ll be sure to keep her updated on stuff, and of course will pass along any medicated rants or pictures I can get of her. Oh, and any ‘get well’ baked goods should probably be sent to my attention so I can, uh, make sure they, uh, get to her.

Comments (13)  //  Add Comment
08
Jun
toe socks and video games
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random

I’m going to stay in bed tomorrow so I won’t be posting much tomorrow. I wanted to put a few things.
First, the toe socks that PISSY sent me!!
Second, The video game that has taken over my kitchen.

The last requsest for help worked within 24 hours of asking you all to do whatever it is that you do (pray, chant, send good vibes). I’m asking for help again. This back thing has GOT to get better and quick because I’m going crazy being in this much pain.

oh and Striz said on her blog today, ‘alla ya’alls’ and I can’t get that damn saying out of my head. All you all. allayaalls. Go ahead, say it…it’s funny.

Damn medication is making me a idiot.

Comments (19)  //  Add Comment
08
Jun
“Michael, Michael, Michael. Fish. Mike. ANSWER ME OR I’LL TELL MOM!”
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: The Fonz

Poor mom, her kids will never grow up.

This is me and my older brother, Michael. We were tickling each other into smiling for the camera.

Comments (2)  //  Add Comment
08
Jun
the random part of the blog…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


I got a message from lil’ sister. She said, “I’m a total slacker for not posting lately. Blogger is the best and I bow down at its greatness. I am doing fine. I won the lottery and I am sharing it with all my blogging friends. Mostly you, Kristine, because I love you the most and think you are the best pink robe and toe sock wearer that ever was or ever will be.”

Shaun won a windshield because he wrote something funny and sent it to the radio station. This is a good thing because we needed a new windshield.

I got the package from my sister today with the really good shampoo and conditioner she gave me while I was up there visiting. Everytime a package comes in the mail the kids chant, “Are they stripper cookies?” Would someone please send us cookies so the kids will stop asking about the stripper cookies? Maybe someone who is a doctor or sales rep?

It’s raining today. It’s raining in California.

Burnout 3 for Xbox has brought our family together. It’s not very often you hear me say, “OMG! I totally just hit that bus head on and flew off a cliff at 150 mph and I didn’t even get an aftertouch point!”
My daughter also can kick my ass at this video game. I am going to be staying up all night until I master the art of the boost-wall-takeout!

Comments (6)  //  Add Comment
08
Jun
when a blogger stops blogging…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: friends, Random


While up in Redding I was going through some of my archives and I came across some comments from people that aren’t apart of my everyday blogging-comment world. I went and checked out their blogs and some of them were updated and some weren’t even there.

I ran across Rebeckah’s comments and was saddened like I always am when I think about her not blogging anymore.

While up in Redding visiting with The Fonz and Dashababy the names and stories of many of you came up in conversation. A LOT. I wasn’t surprised when a conversation would start with, “Oh did you read…?” and then the conversation leads to another blogger and something they wrote.
I took Mom to Romani Heart and read her the story of trying to get allergy pills at Walmart and then to Kalki’s blog for the plunger story. When we finally stopped laughing I asked if she read Susie’s “booty flies” story. She started laughing again and I knew she had. I asked if they had read The Merry Widow and the story about finding a tape of her husband. They had not and I took them there. It’s a conversation piece, because you ask yourself a lot of questions about what choices you would make. It’s a tear jerker too.

You have all became such an normal part of my every day life. Online and Offline. Rebeckah had too. She came to my blog and commented when no one else was. She was the first person to make me a link. Then one day she was gone.

This led me to thinking ‘what if’ style. What if one of you guys left? What if one day I clicked on your blog and it was GONE. It sucks when you are on vacation and you don’t update, but what if you went to your favorite blog and the blogger either just packed up and left or said, “i’m done blogging”? Who’s blogging has impacted you that you would be somewhat lost without them as part of your online life?
Do you still talk to the first few people that commented on your site? Has someone left Blogland that you wish would come back?

Comments (30)  //  Add Comment
07
Jun
111816899324199611
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Dashababy, The Fonz


I told you about the ‘flash wars’ this weekend. When I got home and I downloaded the pictures I found about 75 that looked just like this! I deleted a lot of them, but there were some I kept…because of that smile my sister has. It’s the smile she has when she’s laughing really hard.



When I was showing Mom the pictures that I had taken from our trip up to Shingletown she saw this one and said, “Ewww, delete that one!”
I kept it because I love her hands. I have hands just like hers and someday my hands of my baby girls will look just like these. I think they are beautiful.

unfortunately, we will have her feet too…but I don’t think anyone wants to see THOSE pictures!

Comments (16)  //  Add Comment
06
Jun
COMING TO BLOGS EVERWHERE! SPF!
Posted By: Random and Odd  //  Category: Random
Okay, the medication wore off and I updated the SPF (STUFF portrait Friday) list

We are running out of ideas so if you have some new contributions, please comment your ideas.

This week I have picked the three ideas that Phoebe suggested.

Something you have that you want more of.

Something you have that you want less of.

Something you have that you are completely satisfied with as is.

I have been thinking about these suggestions since she posted them and thought,
“Everyone will just post pictures of money for the first one, bills for the second one…”
So I am challenging you to think outside the box this Friday and really think about the suggestions.

I’m pretty excited to see what you come up with.

Last weeks was SO cool seeing everyone’s collection. I was surprised to see Girl From Ipanema’s collection of fortunes.
You guys kick ass at decorating your kids rooms.
Wow, some of you have some clean desks! I was ALMOST tempted to clean mine up a bit.

So there is your list…go forth fellow bloggers and find you some more/less/satisfied pictures!

Comments (22)  //  Add Comment
06
Jun
111810948387001619
Posted By: Random and Odd  //  Category: Random


I’m home from ‘home’.

It was so relaxing and nice just hanging out with my mom and sister. We didn’t drink so I can’t give you any cool drunken videos. Mom did manage to get a picture of me sacked out in bed though.

So how about that picture? That’s Shingletown I grew up in this wonderland of trees and mountains.

I had so many of those ‘whoa’ moments while I was there and I was reminded of the little girl I use to be so many times from friends of the family.
I was told the story of how Kathy would clean me up and I would come back in the house an hour later and be dirty than I was before they cleaned me up.

I wish we had a way to upload scents. The smell of warm pine needles calms the soul.



This is the house I grew up in. Everyone in Shingletown knows it as ‘the ol’ red house’ or ‘the Seguin’s old house’. We lived in this house forever. It didn’t look like this when we were there because we didn’t have a ride on mower to clear the weeds and maintain the meadow. We had 3 boys who had friends that would keep the grass patted down from playing football everyday.
There were trails blazed from our friends house, to the creek or to the barn that stood behind the house.

Being there sparked so many memories from being a little girl. I actually made a phone call I have been thinking about making for a really long time. I called my best friend growing up. We talked for an hour and brought up names that I hadn’t thought of in about 20 years. Her voice sounds just like it did when we were 10.
I was THRILLED beyond belief to find out she has email and internet! I gave her my email address and my blog address.
*waving* Hi Teresa!

I want to post all my pictures and share my whole wonderful weekend with you, but somewhere between Redding and Sacramento my back went out and I’m on meds again!

The bathroom is as lovely and relaxing as the pictures. He’s awesome huh? Oh and Pissy, you better be careful offering me a plane ticket…I WILL COME!

Just so you all know…you all were in our conversations this weekend. It’s strange how many conversations were sparked by what someone had written or ‘did you read so-in-so’s’ blog?. I was surprised how many new comment people I got over Shaun’s extreme bathroom makeover and I went to visit your sites.
“OH look mom! A NEW BLOGGER!!” I would squeal and we would go read the site and ohhh and aww over baby pictures or cute dogs. (mom’s a sucker for a cute dog)

I will update the SPF list (left hand side of blog) when the medicine wears off or you ‘ll get stupid things like, “picture of your favorite pain killer, your heating pad, something you saw when you were trippin on vicoden”

Comments (20)  //  Add Comment

05
Jun
One room down…….
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Shaun
Nighttime:

Daytime:

Comments (58)  //  Add Comment

15
Jun
Dear Susie,
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: friends, Letters
You know Susie right? EVERY ONE know’s Susie…if you don’t know Susie, then go get to know her because she’s one of the coolest blog people out there. She takes the time to really make you feel special. She is inspiring. She’s cool. BUT SHE HAS WAY TOO MANY COMMENTS TODAY!

Susie has so many comments that I couldn’t even leave her a damn comment! It took like 12 minutes to load and then when I saw all those comments I freaked out. (Yes, i’m having panic attacks again. No worries…i’m working through them)

So I read her post from yesterday where she talks about blogging, lists, links, back buttons. I’m not normally a paranoid freak about things…but I think she’s talking about me.

I know the ‘back’ button is my problem. My mom and sister want me to fix it, but I don’t know how! I hit my back button on my blog and it works…how do I fix something I can’t see that is broke? Susie..and for all of you that has gotten lost in my Hotel California like blog…I’m sorry.

Links. I have links…I am a links person. Susie made a great point about not having them and I totally agree. For every 5 I add, I have to take off 5. There is NO way I want to have a blog that has 7,000 links down the side. I must remove some. Your name is over there now…but someday it might not be. It’s not because I don’t love you anymore…it’s just that I HAVE TO. There are some blogs listed over there that I don’t read, but if I remove them I will have crossed a serious blogging line.

What does that mean?

Like Susie said, “I started seeing people who were sad because they weren’t on so-and-so’s list, or because they got kicked off of so-and-so’s list. And I don’t need that. I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings”

SERIOUSLY. People get pissed when you have them on your list and then you take them off. It’s like you kicked them out of your club or something. OR there are bloggers that get pissed because someone is on a blogger’s list and they are not on that list. It’s crazy.
I have thought about taking my lists down, but I can’t. I’m afraid that some people will hunt my ass down and beat me to death with a keyboard if I did. (yes, I am talking about my mom)

Commenting. I have gotten shit for not commenting on people’s blogs. I have also given shit (ONCE!) for it too.
Let it be known, if you come to my blog and you leave me a comment. I am going to go to your blog and I am going to read your latest post or maybe a few back and I will leave a comment too. It’s fair. I might not go back every single day and leave a comment though…don’t hate me. I have five kids and ONE computer. I don’t get to be on this all day you know (yeah right)

and on a final note. If you’re one of those bloggers that get lots of comments…Fantastic! Please don’t get mad when I don’t comment. I like to comment on the blogs that only get a few comments. I remember what it was like getting a comment after my post sat up there for 3 days. Remember those days you popular bloggers? SUSIE! WHO HAS 70 COMMENTS! hee hee.

I love Susie…how could you not? She always has something nice to say and takes the time to comment on everyone’s blog. This is why she has SEVENTY comments.
Oh and the fact that she has celebrities visiting her blog might be a reason too. OR it might be the cool gumby picture.

Anyway, Go visit her and leave her more comments.

Comments (32)  //  Add Comment
15
Jun
Mmm Mmmm Goood!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: friends, Random


Every time the mail person comes the kids think they are getting ‘stripper cookies’. I pleaded for someone to send me cookies and Charlotte did!

OH.MY.GOD. All I have to say is, go to Charlottes blog and BEG her to send you cookies. yes, BEG.

Jessica Rabbit makes a mean batch of brownies that will cause withdrawals when you run out. I am going to be licking the bottom of the ziplock containers when I run out of these cookies.



She’s totally dramatic…don’t take this look seriously. She could make your kids think liver tasted good by doing her ‘this is SOOO good face’.



*rolling eyes* This is not the best picture to prove to you how good these cookies are. Alyx don’t trust anybody. She usually waits until everyone else hasn’t dropped to the floor screaming of stomach pain before she will try something new.



This one…this is the picture! She was walking out the door to go over to a friends house when she found the package outside.
“MOOOMMMMMM…Please tell me there are cookies in this box!”
“I think there are cookies in this box”
“open it!” she went and got me a pair of scissors.
“I’ll wait.”
“MOM!”
Now the two little ones are crowding around.
“You really want me to open it?”
“LET ME!” Shea says.
“NO!” we all yell in unison. No one trusts the psycho with sharp objects.



Thank you Charlotte!

Comments (18)  //  Add Comment
14
Jun
How DID we meet?
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Shaun


This is one of stories only your close friends know because it’s that lame.

(all of the a.) b.) and c.)’s were true…and a majority of the stories are true…except the part about me being drunk…I don’t know where you guys get the idea I drink..;)

My friend had sent me a picture of this guy she wanted me to see that was on matchmaker.com, but in order for me to view the picture I had to be a ‘member’. She said, ‘just sign up and we can get a good giggle out of it.’

I took a step further. After signing up and reading the guys profiles and then going and looking the profiles of the women I was inspired! I decided to make this over the top ad that portrays me as the type of woman that men would go running and screaming from. I mocked the women’s emotional pleas for a ‘real’ man. I was obnoxious.
In one part of my ad where it asks what you want in a relationship I said, “I am looking for a man that will love me and my stuffed animals.” It was some funny ass shit.

I got a few responses from men that clearly understood that it was a joke and would say, “That was one of the funniest ads I have ever read in my life, thanks for the laugh.”

After going through my email I decided to check out mm.com and see what was going on. I happened on a profile of a guy that’s screen name had MY football team in it. I read through his profile and it was okay. He talked about how HIS BOYS (aka MY TEAM) were going to go to the AFC Championship game. He had not updated because we did go to the game and we won. I decided to be obnoxious and tell him that I had gone to the game.
Perhaps I was two sheets in the wind…but my message read:

I got to go.

That’s it. That’s all it said.

He emailed me back and probably said something obnoxious like, ‘don’t forget your depends.’ or ‘sounds like a personal problem lady’. After emailing back and forth I finally got to see his sense of humor and decided that there was a good chance he might not be a stalker. I gave him my phone number and he called me, or I called him. We talked for HOURS about football. This went on for awhile. We never talked about meeting. When we would talk, we would be coming up with how OUR boys were going to have to play for the superbowl to win.

The day of the superbowl we had called each other for the game and asked what the other one was doing, but had no plans of spending it with each other. He called me after the game and even though I had been avoiding the phone ALL day. He said, “How you doing sweetie?” and I swear I almost cried. He was hurting too and thought enough to call me to make sure I was doing okay.
When we did meet it was cool because he came up to the Tree and we hung out and played ‘bullshit’ (dice version) and talked. We were already friends at this point so even if we didn’t ‘go there’ it was okay…I still had my football buddy.

He liked me. Then a month later he broke up with me the DAY AFTER VALENTINES DAY.
(go ahead and boo him now) My girlfriends did what every good girlfriend would. They made fun of him…but the only thing they could come up with was, ‘he had small hands’.

We stayed ‘friends’, but both dated other people and even though I stayed his friend I was silently pissed that he didn’t think that I was the perfect girl for him. It was about 8 months later and I invited him to my graduation from college not thinking he would really come. He did.

I called him one night while I was in his neck of the woods and he said he was going to the movies and invited me to go with him. I was sposta be going out with my friends that night at the bar (Hi Tina!!) and I was meeting my on again/off again boyfriend there later on.
I HAD NO IDEA HOW LONG ‘BAD BOYS 2′ WAS! I was so late to meet everyone…but I didn’t care. I had SO much fun hanging out with Shaun again.

We started talking to each other after that. I started getting the emails that made me laugh during the day. I looked forward to going home and just calling him. He said, “Let’s try it again.” and we did.

One night a couple months later we were laying in bed laughing about something and I said, “Ooooooohhh, I think you likkkkkkke meeeeeee.” and he said, “No. I love you.”

Comments (37)  //  Add Comment
13
Jun
How Did They Meet? Game
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Shaun


For those of you that already know the story, don’t ruin the game for everyone else. You already have the joy of knowing how we met…isn’t that reward enough?



Here is what is up for grabs!

Okay… the game: I write out 3 stories of ‘How we met’ containing (some) actual happenings from our first date(s). I will then give you three options from each story to build ‘the real story’.

1. His friend Marco took him out to watch a certain football game at a certain bar. I happened to be at this certain bar. It being a certain team playing I happened to be two sheets in the wind wearing my kickers jersey. He was wearing a totally gay turtle neck and leather jacket. I being two sheets in the wind decided that since he looked SO gay, he must be a 49er fan and I needed to tell him what I thought of his cheese eating, wine drinkin’, whiner boys. He laughed at me. He actually started spewing football stats from my certain favorite team. I fell in love in love at that very moment…but he didn’t think too much me. It could have been that I had like 5 captain and cokes and was verbally abusing him. I’m not quite sure what his uppity problem was. I gave him my email address and phone number and told him to call me. I then sat in the smoking section and verbally abused him to my friends.

a.) I happened to be two sheets in the wind wearing my kickers jersey.
b.) I gave him my email address and phone number and told him to call me.
c.) He was wearing a totally gay turtle neck and leather jacket.

2. I met Shaun through a friend of ours. She said, “he has really small hands, but he’s a nice guy.” I had been dating a real dickhead for a few months and quite honestly needed a good reason to dump his ass.
After talking on the phone for weeks we decided to meet. We went to see “How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days” with Matthew ‘hubba-hubba* McConaughey and that one chic that’s related to Goldie ‘too cute’ Hawn.
I thought Shaun was adorable the way he opened doors with his total girly hands. I knew he was mine after that first date. Unfortunately it was my bad choice of movies (DareDevil with Ben ‘relationship stopper’ Affleck) that caused our downfall and we broke up after a short 3 weeks. He let our love fern die.

a.) She said, “he has really small hands, but he’s a nice guy.”
b.) After talking on the phone for weeks we decided to meet.
c.) Unfortunately it was my bad choice of movies (DareDevil with Ben ‘relationship stopper’ Affleck) that caused our downfall and we broke up after a short 3 weeks.

3. We met online. I was bored one night and decided to go into a ‘Raider Fan’ chat room. I didn’t jump into the conversation at first because I wanted to gauge how much of this was a ‘chat room for football fans’ or if it was really a place where people were ‘hooking up’. After about ten minutes of reading what Shaun was typing I knew it was real. He was a true fan that was out there just looking for someone to talk football with.
He gave me his phone number and told me to call him if I was ever bored. I called him one night and we talked football for hours.

a.) We met online.
b.) After about ten minutes of reading what Shaun was typing I knew it was real.
c.) I called him one night and we talked football for hours.

Go ahead…mix it up. Use any or all the excerpts from each story to come up with your own. Some are true. Some are not. It will be cool to see what you come up with.

Comments (20)  //  Add Comment
13
Jun
Two Princesses…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: friends, Random


Greenthumb had this awesome post that I read through very quickly and for a moment thought he was leaving blogland. I had posted a ‘double comment’ where I catch up reading the last 3 blog entries and comment everything in the last post comment section.

Circus Kelly sent this to Greenthumb, Susie and myself with this email:

Over on Greenie’s blog:

at 10:45 AM Susie said…
Oh, YES. Greenie and Kristine with matching princess hats. Who, among the citizens of blogworld, does not want to see THAT? Well, OK, I’m not sure what the answer to that question is, but I, for one, would definitely like to see it!

Ask and if I’m inbetween projects at work, inspired by my blogfriends, and the boss is out, you shall receive! -Circus Kelly

I give to you…Princess Greenthumb and Princess Kristine.
Let the courtin’ begin! I come with a dowry…and a fucked up backyard.

Comments (12)  //  Add Comment
13
Jun
back out and bored.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


Cool huh? Yeah, Shaun made it. I think he likes it when my back is out and I am confined to the bedroom watching E True Hollywood stories. I swear I know WAaaaa-haaaayyy too much about the Hilton Sisters, The Olson Twins and Lindsay Lohan. He got to play on the computer ALL weekend. When I got on the computer you could actually hear the egg timer.
“Five minutes honey…then you’re back to bed.” I think he was an evil dictator in a past life. An evil dictator that can cook and take care of a woman when she’s down. An evil dictator that even though I told him, “NO MORE SODA FOR ME!” when I caved a few hours later he got me a medium soda.

[random moment]
Shea just came up to me to inform me: “Mommy, Alyx is wearing a turtle neck and long sleeve pants!”
“She’s going to be really hot today huh?”
“You bet! I told her she could wear my short sleeve pants, but she said she would rather sweat to death. She’s acting like a drama queen.”
*mouth dropping open*
[/random moment]

alrighty then. So I am blog fodderless. Unless you all want to hear my opinion on Mary-Kate and Ashley Olson? okay, i’ll spare you.

I suck at the ‘things about me’ lists. It took me about 3 hours to come up with 51 things and after I reread it, I sounded like a complete freakazoid.

So in order to make sure I don’t officially lose my mind while the back is out…give me something to blog about. Ask me questions.

Question (example): “Does Shaun really own pink undies?”
answer (example): “Yes…with little pearl lace.”
(this is just an example people. He doesn’t wear pink undies, but if he did remember – don’t judge a man by his britches)

Don’t ask me why I am not in bed.

Comments (36)  //  Add Comment
12
Jun
I’ve lost contact with so many…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: friends, Random

Me, Teresa, Marissa – it must have been my birthday

I’ve lost contact with pretty much everyone I grew up with. I had a friend growing up that every single childhood memory has her in it.
Somehow through school we went in different directions. I have always regretted that.

I’ve regretted not calling people that I have lost contact with, but it wasn’t until after my visit to Shingletown that I really started thinking about the people that made up my whole childhood.

Trust me, there are A LOT of phone calls I won’t be making. There are just some people that need to be left in the past. Teresa isn’t one of them.

Yes, she was bossy. The phrase, “MY HOUSE, MY WAY!” still haunts me.
Yes, she got the cool Dorothy Hamill haircut that I BEGGED my sister to give me.
Yes, she had the cool canopy bed and her VERY own record player.
AND…like you all need to hear more…She had white rollerskates and I had the plastic Incredible Hulk strap on skates.
(how many google searches will I get for ‘incredible hulk strap ons’?)

I’m glad I called her. I’m glad I am going to continue to call her until she takes out a restraining order.

Her sweet voice and laughter has never changed. It’s nice to remember old stories and hear new ones.

How about you? Who would you call from your past?

Comments (25)  //  Add Comment
11
Jun
111854790917135456
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Shaun


When i’m laying in bed watching Entertainment Tonight – Hollywood’s biggest breakups, Shaun is making stuff like this.

I know mom……I’m keeping him.

Comments (26)  //  Add Comment
11
Jun
a broken back makes for a boring blogger
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


I HAD to get out of the house yesterday. There is only so much staring out the window and watching the weeds grow that I could handle.

I crawled in and out of the shower and managed to blow dry my hair in a four part series. I crawled to the closet and found my bag that my makeup was in. I crawled up into bed and put on makeup. When Shaun got home I looked like the woman he fell in love with instead of the broken zombie that came back from Redding.

After MUCH convincing that I was ‘okay’ he let me go bye-bye with him to drop the kids off at their mom’s this weekend. We went to dinner and then to a movie. I got to see “The Longest Yard”. BEST.MOVIE.EVER. shut up. I’m a sucker for football movies where people get slammed to the ground and smoke on the field. I wanted to watch it again after it was over.

I stood up and remembered WHY I had been in bed all week. I couldn’t walk down the stairs. The bathroom was a million miles away from our theater and I had to pee like a mutha. Do you know how hard it is to move fast to get your pants down when your back is OUT? Shooting pain up my back on a cold toilet seat. I have figured out what Satan will do to me if I go to hell for all eternity.



Shaun took me to the Almond Tree before the movie. This was my hangout for a couple of years during college. I spent Wednesday and sometimes Thursday there during karaoke nights. It’s a bar that mostly the older crowd frequents. When I say ‘older’ I mean…like 60-80 year olds. I don’t care. I love watching the older people get out there and dance to “Mustang Sally” and hang out with the regulars.



I was greeted with, “HOW HAVE YOU BEEN!?” and I felt just as welcome as always. I got to say hi to “Queen Bitch” who I met one night many years ago when I accidentally sat in her ‘spot’ in the smoking section outside. She was as blunt to say,
“Dear, you’re going to have to move because I have been sitting in this spot every Friday night for the last 15 years and I don’t care to move. I am the queen bitch around here.” Instead of being offended, I moved my ass right over to the spot next to her and she has always treated me with respect since. I greet her with, “HELLO QUEEN BITCH!” and she gets a huge smile on her face and invites me to sit with her and she asks me where I have been and what I have seen.”



Jerry is the musical entertainment at the Almond Tree. He has been playing there forever. On Wednesday and Thursdays he runs the karaoke. On Friday & Saturday he sings.
He has worn his signature black hat and vest every time I have seen him. He ALWAYS asks about my mother and says, “You singing ‘Chantilly Lace’ tonight?”



This place was just like Cheers for me. I felt like it was ‘home’. I spent more time in this bar during college than I did in class. It was nice coming back and seeing the old faces and watching the older crowd dance and mingle with each other.
The Captain Morgan & Coke that Benny the bartender makes is still the best one I have ever had. It’s been well over two years that I have ‘hung out’ there.

I wish you all could come hang out one night at the Almond Tree.

Lets just wait until my back gets better though…I would hate not to be able to sing and show you my awesome ‘electric slide’ move I have down.

Comments (16)  //  Add Comment
10
Jun
Stuff Portrait Friday
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: stuff portrait friday


I want MORE memories for my photo albums.



I want LESS messages on my answering machine. I let the answering machine catch the calls when the bill collectors are calling…and then I think if I leave the message on the machine the bill collectors will somehow know this and know that I am a responsible person and will EVENTUALLY pay them.



I am SATISFIED with the whole of this picture.

1. my hair is smokin’ hot.
2. i’m holding my newborn.
3. i’m at my sisters.
4. i am wearing my new shirt RECOVERING STRAIGHT GIRL got me. (whoops)
5. all kids are 3 hours away painting a bathroom.

If you play this week, please comment so I can go check out your STUFF.
If you DIDN’T play, you better have a good note from your doctor or your mom.

Comments (60)  //  Add Comment

21
Jun
I want to talk about sex…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


…but I’m not going to. I just want to talk about sex. I think it’s because I had the ‘fucked up’ dream I have once every five years. It’s the dream where I find out the person I am having sex with has a detachable penis.

I don’t know what causes me to have this dream. The first time I had it I was about 16.
In this dream I get up and go to the bathroom and when I pull down my pants…A PENIS.
For some reason I think, “I have a penis, I need to take a bath.” While in the bath examining my new penis my mom knocks on the door. I take off the penis and put it in a Kleenex box.
(I’m thrilled by the amount of times I used the word ‘penis’ in that last paragraph…or run-on sentence)

Last night I had the dream again, but the moments UP to and AFTER the discovery that the penis was detachable are very foggy.
The only part of this dream that I remember was holding the penis and looking at it saying,

“But, how do you get it to stay on?”

:::Laughter:::

“Magnets.”

I can’t be the only person in the world that has dreams about detachable penises.

Comments (49)  //  Add Comment
20
Jun
I didn’t name this blog “Random and Odd” for nothing…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
Did you know that they have recently put something in watermelon that will give you heart burn so bad it will feel like someone punched you really hard right between the boobs?
I say ‘recently’ because I use to be able to eat A LOT of watermelon and it never felt like Freddy Kruger was trying to escape from my chest.

Mom, I’m really sorry for making fun of you the last time I was up there and you were burping like Homer Simpson and mumbling stuff about ‘watermelon’. I had no idea how bad it hurt. Forgive me?

Laying in bed last night I realized in my life I am going to marry a doctor. I am going to marry a doctor that can get me good pain killers for my back and heartburn medicine that will allow me to eat as much watermelon as I want. He will also be able to fine tune all the other little things I have going on. Then I remembered that I promised to marry Girl From inpanema in my next life. It looks like I am going to be doctorless for the next 120 years.

While trying to fall asleep I heard this horrible noise coming from the laundry room.

“Shaun…what ARE you drying in there?” I ask.
“It’s Tyler.” he answers.
“You put Tyler in the dryer?”

and that my friends is the odd part of this blog.

Comments (19)  //  Add Comment
19
Jun
Fa’ders day
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: My Brats, Random


I hope everyone had a good weekend and for the men that are fathers that read my blog – Hope you had a great Father’s day!

On Saturday we drug all the kids to San Francisco to play on the beach. They had a blast running from the waves and digging holes in the sand.











To see all the photos: CLICK HERE

Comments (35)  //  Add Comment
18
Jun
111910958662636366
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: damn dogs!, stuff portrait friday


The gaurd dog does not come standard in most Nikon D70 outfits.
Next weeks Stuff Portrait Friday:
Something stolen (or borrowed and not returned)
Unopened (or unused) present you forgot to return
perfume or cologne
Comments (12)  //  Add Comment
17
Jun
it’s all her fault
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: The Fonz
If you have ever wondered why I am the way I am, just click here.

Comments (8)  //  Add Comment
17
Jun
Stuff Portrait Friday
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: stuff portrait friday
I’m ALL excited about the “What was I thinking” part of this because I have like a million!



This picture will always be the, “What was I thinking?” picture.

Here are the runners up:



Agreeing to have my wedding pictures taken in the church NURSERY! Funny how it managed to be the theme to follow my marriage.
If you look close though…you’ll see that it looks like I am flipping off the camera…and that is the OTHER theme of my marriage.



Once again…my group wedding pictures IN A NURSERY WITH A FUCKED UP CHAIR AND A CRIB in the picture. AND who in the hell got me stoned before my wedding? Oh wait, I wasn’t stoned…I was just a retard.
This picture is a whole bunch of the ‘what was I thinking’. Look at those dresses I put on my brides maids! I’m thinking brides just lose their fucking minds while planning weddings and do this to the people they love. My sister did it to me just the year before at her wedding (see picture below)


There is that hair again!!

Okay..next subject: Something I feel obligated to display.



This hangs under my shelf in my bathroom. I keep adding stuff around it and I had to actually take a bunch of the pictures my kids drew down so I could start all over again.

Something I have that I don’t think anyone else does: BUGS OPERA ADDICTION



I have to play this game every night to be able to fall asleep. And I wonder why I have weird ass dreams.

Okay, if you played, leave a comment so I can go check out your STUFF!!

Comments (45)  //  Add Comment
17
Jun
Hold on…I’m getting them up here…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
I just woke up from the one of the top ten WEIRD dreams I ever had.

I had to watch Leta and I taught her how to talk. When Heather got home she was so thankful that she gave me an antique polaroid camera…and then Leta started talking and she was PISSED because Leta didn’t have an accent. I think I might have got my ass kicked. It’s cool though, I gave Leta back with only one sock.

Okay, I’m going to need therapy soon. I had a dream on Monday that my mom had kittens…like GAVE BIRTH to kittens.

I’m going to upload the pictures now…stay tuned.

Comments (10)  //  Add Comment
16
Jun
GOOGLE THIS: WILL SMITH IS A THIEF!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Shaun


You heard it here FIRST.

Shaun and I, by the grace of GOD, got a kid free night.
He went and rented “Hitch” which is a movie I have wanted to see FOREVER. Since I can’t pick a good movie to save my life we were not allowed to go see this in the theater.

The night is going well. It’s quiet and I made a really good pot roast. I’m drowning myself in Crystal Light Peach Tea and thinking about possibly raping the good looking man next to me. WHEN THEN the line in the movie that causes me to spit Charlotte cookie all over the coffee table:

She says, “So you like me huh?”
WILL SMITH (AKA THE THIEF!) says: “No, I love you.”

OH HELL NO HE DIDN’T! He did! WILL SMITH STOLE THAT FROM SHAUN!

Hold me back. I am fuming right now. I swear on all that is holy that if WILL SMITH THE THIEF is singing like Goofy in his next movie I am going to hunt his ass down and kick it.

Comments (25)  //  Add Comment
16
Jun
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random

The Fonz. She laughs so hard that she will actually cry.

So yes, I am thinking about moving over to Blogsome. It’s free and it doesn’t have ads.
It has Google Adsense, but when I looked at the template it looks like it can be removed.
I’m just not ready yet. If I post something there I will tell you so you can go look at it, investigate, make it turn around to show you it’s butt to make sure there are no panty lines.

I’m not use to change either. I have tried other blogging services and I just keep coming back to Blogger.
“I know Blogger abuses me, cheats on me and calls me names…but I LOVE HIM and I see a different side than what he shows you. I see the loving the side…the side that lets me post and comment. HE IS GETTING BETTER! He hasn’t crashed on me in months.”

Has anyone else signed up for Blogsome? If you have, leave your link so I can check it out and bookmark it…just in case Blogger goes on a drinking binge, gets angry drunk and locks us out. We will at least have a safehouse.

Tomorrow is STUFF PORTRAIT DAY. I am so not ready for it to be Friday!

Friday, June 17
Stuff that makes you wonder “What Was I Thinking?”
Stuff you’re obligated to keep/display
Something you think no one else owns
I’m actually excited this week. Not for the pictures I am going to take, but for all the pictures I’m going to see. I think the last one is going to be interesting.

By the time I win the lottery and I get to finally fly out and meet all of you, i’m going to already have already seen all your stuff.
I guess you’ll just have to take me to the bar and plow me with Captain Morgan.

Comments (25)  //  Add Comment
15
Jun
I told you..I told you I was looking!
Posted By: Random and Odd  //  Category: Random


Dear Blogger,

We’ve had this crazy relationship. Sometimes you’re totally there for me, sometimes you’re not there at all.

When I have something important to say…you shut me out.
When my friends come over you treat them poorly by not letting them get a word in.
When I want to see or talk to my friends you don’t let me.

I feel like I put a lot into ‘us’ and you just disregard what I say and then when I try to recover post, you laugh at me.

I never understood this one thing about you blogger; When I hit spell check – why do you not have ‘blog’ or ‘blogger’ saved as a word in your dictionary?

I told you awhile ago that I was looking for something more. I think I might have found it.
I don’t know yet…I haven’t test ran it yet. I am going to though. I think we need to start seeing other people.

For now, I’m going to stay here. I’m going to give this relationship a chance…but like the two timing bitch I can be…I’m going to go out…and I am going to take my friends.

Don’t change your links yet. It’s not official.

Love,
Kristine – I’m random and odd where ever I go – Seguin-Stone

Comments (29)  //  Add Comment

27
Jun
too serious.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


I picked up a actual book yesterday. I didn’t feel like sitting in front of the television any longer and the computer was taken.

For someone who has as many books as I do, I don’t really have any books I want to read. There is only so many times I can read, “A Confederacy of Dunces” and “The Essential Rumi” before it starts getting predictable.

I grabbed those books and a few others and I took the girls out to the park. When I got to the park I realized I had grabbed a book that my neighbor had let me borrow a long time ago when he was trying to impress me with the fact that he could actually read or he had ‘worked’ through his issues and had all the answers when it came to ‘affairs’.

The book is called Sexual Detours. The Startling truth behind Love, Lust and Infidelity. By Dr. Holly Hein.
My neighbor’s therapist suggested he read it to help him through this rough time. I think he gave it to me to help me understand WHY I had mine.
To be honest, I didn’t care why I had mine. It worked and I was on the road to recovery. Or so I thought.

A sexual detour [affair] has little to do with sexual chemistry and a lot to do with the chemistry of escape.

DUH! You would have to a moron to not be able to see that. OH-KAY, I’m a moron. I didn’t see it at the time. I saw the chemistry of feeling ALIVE and feeling PASSION.
I realize now, years later that it was all about getting the hell out of a situation I didn’t want to be in anymore.

Now let’s read further and figure out WHY I didn’t want to be in that relationship anymore. Let’s dig deeper and find out the core of why I am the way I am and why I did the things I do, and MAYBE find out that there is no hope for me…that I will be forever doomed in a relationship because of this one…..OR we can put the book back in the garage where I found it.

I’m not good at delving deeper into my ‘self’ to figure out what’s wrong. Sometimes you just know that something is wrong and you need to get out that situation.
Sometimes you just stay in that situation thinking that it will get better or think that after it’s over you’ll be able to say, “Whoa, that sucked.” and be able to move on.
The huge part we are leaving out is the ‘getting out’ part. That’s the part that tends to hurt people. That’s the part that comes back later and haunts you.
How many relationships have you ended and said, “Yeah, that well PERFECTLY.”
I can only think of one that I ended perfectly and it involved me chucking a glass of Captain Morgan at someone’s head. The part I regret was not having better aim…and timing- I should I have done it sooner.

Did I mention I suck at ‘self help’? This has become my self help. I tried to read the books that will help me figure out what to do to make things all better…but I get about to the part where the person that wrote the book starts sounding like a pompous know it all and I just put it down.

Have any of the ‘self help’ books helped you in any certain circumstance in your life?

I would like to think that I could actually be able to pick up one of these books, read it cover to cover and be able to fix myself. To be able to understand the anxiety and frustrations. To be able to ‘soul whisper’ myself into not reacting to certain situations and be able to achieve the things I want to without feeling like I am a failure.

Whoa. deep.

I’ll update the ‘SPF’ stuff to balance out the playful and the serious.

Comments (20)  //  Add Comment
26
Jun
Rockin’ Rocklin
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: My Brats, Random


Last night was the ‘weekend before the 4th of July’ party in Rocklin.
This has become the one event that I hate to miss. Last year Kara and I went to see Fleetwood Mac in concert and missed it.

This year we had our group of friends and this year Shaun’s sister came out too. It was fun, next year I think Kara is going to sing in the talent show.

Here’s some shots from the night. If you click on the picture you can see it ‘full size’ and see all the pictures from the night.












Okay, what does this look like it says when you first look at it?

It took me 3 looks to realize it didn’t say, “Handicapped Ice Cream”

Comments (22)  //  Add Comment
25
Jun
She’s tired of hearing about Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


It’s going to be a really low-key weekend.

No beating blankets.
No knives in tiaras.
No crazy ass stalker phone calls.

What are you guys doing this weekend?

Comments (28)  //  Add Comment
24
Jun
Mooshu Mooshu Monkey Dog
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: damn dogs!


See, I do have a dog.

Comments (11)  //  Add Comment
24
Jun
It’s almost been a week…i’m over it.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: ex


I don’t vent too much on here. I would LOVE to just GO THE FUCK off sometimes, but I try to stay fair. I don’t talk politics, I don’t talk celebrity trash, I don’t dish out advice about stuff I don’t know anything about. Today, I have a build up of ‘vent’ I need to get out about a few things.

First: The Katie Holmes/Tom Cruise thing – You know how they have those websites and t-shirts for Katie begging her to save herself and run as fast as she can away from Tom?
One question: WHERE WERE THESE PEOPLE WHEN I WAS ENGAGED? huh? Where were the SAVE KRISTINE T-shirts???

and on that note, my ex-husband.

Many of you know that my ex husband is a dolt. No, that didn’t come out right. I think I have been saying it in my head so much I just had to type it.
Many of you know that my ex husband is a dolt. DAMN, I did it again.
*Clearing throat*
Many of you know my ex husband is a…..student. He’s taking Cisco training classes every Saturday and because of it I have the kids every weekend.
I not only have OUR kids, I have his son from his girlfriend (before we met)
He’s 14 years old and I have been his step mother since before he was born. I have had to deal with his freak of nature mother for the last 15 years even though I am not married to Dan anymore.

I thought about changing her name to protect her or myself from her finding this, but truly there is nothing I can say in here that would shine her in a light that worse than what she does to herself…and honestly I hope she finds this and reads this and realizes she is about as mature as 10 year old.

Last weekend we went to the lake. Since I have been reduced to a ‘baby sitter’ every other weekend I decided I wasn’t going to sit around and wait for the dolt to get out of school before I could go do something so I drug all the kids out to the lake.

Dan left Ryan his cell phone so Ryan could get a hold of his freak of nature mother when she called…which she will do…about 57 times A DAY.
While Ryan was out swimming, CAB (Crazy Ass Bitch) called. When I answered the phone she instantly goes on ‘bitch’ mode. She has about 2 modes though: dumb mode and bitch mode. I like the mute mode, but I don’t seem to have that option anymore.

“uh…this is CAB, can I talk to Dan?” now when she says ‘Dan’ she sounds like she has plugged her nose and is trying to speak through her forehead. Daaaannn. It’s the most whiney sound that has ever escaped a man, woman, child and dolphin.
“Nope, he’s at work.” I answer.
“Well then can I talk to Ryan?” Now when she says ‘Ryan’ it’s more of a possession sound. Like when you talk about your car or your cat…it BELONGS to you so you say it with possession.
“He’s in the middle of the lake.” I say ‘middle’ to freak her out. I’m mean like that.
“He’s WHERE?” that whine has reached levels only dogs can hear now.
“I took them to the lake, he’s out swimming with the girls.”
“Fine. Just have Dan call me when he gets off work.”

Five phone calls later (i’m not kidding, ask my friend ‘Cita, she was there!) she is now PISSED off because *I* have Dan’s cell phone and *I* am answering it.

He’s late. Dan’s always late. He will always be late. He couldn’t show up on time if someone else drove him. He’s one of those guys. I’ve known him for 16 years and he’s never changed. She’s known him for just as long and she knows he’s ALWAYS late. …. but this time…I HAVE HIS CELL PHONE.
“He told me he was going to get off work at 4:30 pm!” she hisses. (i’m likening her to a snake)
“He told me to meet him at 6 pm.”
“UGH! well, he needs to call me AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!”
I call him and tell him that she’s fucking PISSED off and he better call her.

Dan shows up at the lake and he’s annoyed. He tells me that he finally called her from his work phone (blocked his number because if she has that number she will call it 57 times in a day!!)
and because *I* had the cell phone all day long that he was ‘playing’ games with her and because of it he doesn’t get to see Ryan anymore on Mondays.
I tell him to calm down and go see an attorney about getting a visitation schedule set up that she can’t break. I also point out that just because we have such a good co-parenting relationship he’s seeing how immature she is. She uses Ryan to get what she wants and to punish Dan when she’s mad at him.

WELL, then after he leaves and we pack up our stuff to go and i’m on my happy ride home with 7 kids crammed into my van I get a phone call.

“Kris, this is CAB…you better tell Dan that if he isn’t here in FIVE MINUTES I’M DRIVING BACK TO REDDING!”
then she hangs up on me.

You all think i’m fair, nice, polite…sweet. You’re wrong. I am a mean ass bitch that would have swung that car around and drove my ass to Williams to beat the living fuck out of that bitch.
but i’m also poor and I had just enough gas to get my ass home.

Instead I call her back. I’m the mature one right? Then why am I shaking like a leaf with anger?

“CAB, this is KrisTINE. I don’t mind relaying messages back and forth between you and Dan, but I don’t want you to threaten…” _beep_ The bitch hung up on my ass AGAIN.

I called back and someone else answered and I relayed the message very calmly to the other person she had answer the phone.
“I don’t want to be threatened. If she wants to call and leave a message that she would like to get to Dan, I am more than willing to pass that message along. I will not tolerate threating messages.” I was SO damn mature about it. I sounded SOOOOO mature and calm.

In the back of my mind I was saying, “OH HELL NO YOU DIDN’T BITCH! I WILL COME UP THERE AND KICK YOU IN THE MOUTH! DON’T YOU EVER CALL ME AGAIN YOU HOOKER ASS BITCH!”

I was so mature though. I thought of what I would say to her if her slimy ass ever called me again, but I am thinking I am going to just email her something…oh yeah, dumb ass doesn’t have email.

If any of you know this CAB though, please pass this message on to her,

Dear CAB,
I know you hate me because you’re 40 years old and you still live with your parents and I am much younger than you are and I have my own home. I know you also hate me because you think I stole your future with Dan away. I totally understand the anger. I was 18 years old when I met him and didn’t know my future from a hole in the ground. I tried to give him back to you. Trust me, YOU CAN HAVE HIM. I got the best part of him anyway.

I also know you hate it when your son is at my house. You think I am brainwashing him into thinking I am a better mother for him and he will want to come live with me. I was his step mother for many years and he knows I am a better parent and he still wants to live with you, that should say something. Besides, I don’t have enough room in my house for another teenager, you can keep him.

I’ve moved on. It’s been like 6 or 7 years since Dan and I split up and I have moved on. I’ve let go of all the mean ass shit you did and said to me. I have let go of all the bullshit you brought to my marriage. I have tried to not bring in all the horrible things you did to me into my current relationship, but it’s hard. I have though. I’ve let it go. You need to grow up and do the same thing. You have hurt Ryan at least 17 times in the past year because you wouldn’t let him spend time with his Dad because you “thought” I might actually show up.
I’ve never done anything harmful to anyone, including you or anyone you know for you to be such a control freak.

Lastly, you’re a stalker. This can’t come as a surprise to you. The fact that you drove all around town until you found that guys car and then when he saw you casing his apartment you pretended that you were visiting a friend.
The time when we lived in Redding in those townhouses and you use to drive through our apartment complex at least 5 times a day? yeah. STALKER. Jennifer and I would sunbath on the roof and watch you. It was entertaining in a sick way.
The way you would drive by Gold Street Liquors when Dan was working. Come on…once or twice is one thing, but every ten minutes is just freaky.
And bringing your newborn son into the store and showing him off to his Dad and then when you got home would call him and say, “Now if you don’t leave Kris, you’re never going to see your son again!” is just wrong.

You need help. You’re going to die an old woman who is alone and bitter. Get on some pills, go see a therapist…or take Tom’s advice and go check out Scientology.

But, back the fuck off of me.

Thank you,
Kristine

Comments (44)  //  Add Comment
24
Jun
Stuff Portrait Friday
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: stuff portrait friday


Stuff I stole (or borrowed and never returned)

This is the anklets that The Fonz made. Everytime I go up to Redding to see her I scavenge through the new stuff she has made and I take my favorite. Over the years I have ‘adopted’ so many of these. Do I feel guilty? Oh hell no I don’t. If you owned a Fonz original you wouldn’t either!



Unopened (or unused) present you forgot to return

I’m using this because it’s the ‘unused’ gift I never used. My sister (Dashababy…or mom’s second favorite daughter) gave it to me last year for Christmas, but I never got to put it up. I don’t think I ever will either. Not because I don’t like it. I do. I don’t want to ever break it so it’s going to stay in the pretty box forever.



My perfume

This is the best perfume EVER. Don’t try to dispute it. If you could smell me after this has been on for about an hour you would dry hump my leg.

Okay, if you played this week – COMMENT. I want to see your stuff!!

Comments (45)  //  Add Comment
23
Jun
It’s Friday Eve!!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: stuff portrait friday
Yep, tomorrow is FRIDAY!! What does that mean? STUFF PORTRAIT FRIDAY!
I’m getting excited about this week too. I can’t wait to see what you all wear to smell good.

Last weeks SPF rocked. I loved seeing your ‘what was I thinking’ pictures and I am going to be getting a froggie soap dispenser that RIBBITS when you push down to get the soap out. HOW COOL IS THAT? (no comment from you Shaun!)

Friday, June 24
* Something stolen (or borrowed and not returned)

* Unopened (or unused)
present you forgot to return

* your perfume or cologne

Comments (13)  //  Add Comment
23
Jun
WE HAVE A CALIFORNIA MAP!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


Many of you know about the BlogHer conference they are having in California at the end of July.

It’s really not THAT far from my house, but when I checked it out…it seemed like it might be a bit ‘too much’ for me. Too much meaning…WAY THE FUCK OVER MY HEAD.
When I read it the first time it seemed like it might be like a high school reunion for the popular kids. People like me that hung out in the photography lab or the drama club wouldn’t exactly fit in.

I tried to imagine me looking for a fellow smoker to hang out with at lunch and only finding people that talked about setting up their blog using Feng Shui or how much traffic you got on your blog while fanning the smoke I would purposely blow in their faces.
I would of course be wearing a shirt that said, ” You are dumb ” in binary and I would probably be kicked out before the second half of the conference.

The conference is about exposure. It’s about getting out there and showing what you have.
*blink*
*looking around*
*blink*
I have you guys. Can you all come with me? I promise to share the D70, I promise not to blow smoke in your face, I won’t take pictures of you when you’re all asleep on my floor with a Polly Pocket embedded in your cheek. I lie. I would totally get you all blasted just so I could get good blackmail pictures.

The conference is also about some other stuff, like Geeky Tech stuff (Or so Striz PROMISES) and legal stuff. Two of my favorite things! Law and Geeky Tech Stuff!!

Honestly, if Striz hadn’t promised me booze and smokes the night before the conference I probably wouldn’t have even considered it. I’m not about exposure, I’m not about hanging out with cool kids. I’m about a pack of smokes, bottle of Merlot and blackmail shots of you wearing Spongebob underwear.

Did I mention that beach (the one with the old ass on it) is on it’s way to Santa Clara?

Who’s in? I have lots of floor space and air mattresses.

Comments (28)  //  Add Comment
22
Jun
it’s a gas…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: My Brats, Random
Whenever I go to an art gallery I get annoyed rather quickly. I can stare at a picture for WAY too long. When asked, “What do you think?” I would love to come up with something artistic or witty to say, but all I can say is, “Hmm. Well, I’m wondering what is to the right of this picture. The artist wants us to see THIS” and I point to the artwork, “I want to see THIS.” and just move my hands as if I can pan the camera so I can see the WHOLE picture.

I’m sure this says something about my personality…outside of the fact that I am NOT the person you want to take to an art gallery.

So here’s the whole picture of my new masthead. This was the second beach we went to, the one that I had to sand-slide my way down a cliff to get to and CRAWL up the big ass flight of stairs to get back up.


This is the picture I am taking in the masthead



What we both wrote at two different times, not knowing the other had done the same thing until we downloaded the pictures.


The beach we were on that only had a few people on it.


The guy who thought he was the ONLY person on the beach.


This picture was NOT taken with the D70. It was taken with my daugther’s $90 Kodak my dad bought her. Impressive huh?

There is the whole picture.

Comments (51)  //  Add Comment
22
Jun
Play it again Sam.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: friends, Random


As I was getting ready to post my daily randomness my ex showed up with my sugar free vanilla latte. When he walked out the door he said, “You got a package.” and the boy of course jumps up and says, “Stripper brownies?” and Shea says, “Nanny cookies?” (you have my children trained!)

Nope this package is just for me. UNLIKE the toe socks I got from Pissy that my daughters have taken and hid from me within the first day of me owning them!

I opened the box and in it I found A RED STAPLER and a princess crown!

I’ve mentioned before that i’m a computer tech. I’m a nerd/geek…whatever you want to call it. I went to college to learn how to tear apart a computer and put it back together, how to network a trillion computers and all the other cool tricks. I hate computers now, but love the title of being a geek. This red stapler is more of ‘geek status symbol’ than my degree and certificates!!

THANK YOU MERRY WIDOW!!!

(yes, geek pictures of me kissing the stapler will soon follow)

Comments (25)  //  Add Comment

01
Jul
Stuff Portrait Friday
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: stuff portrait friday


My Keys.

My Red/Orangey thing that I took when I left the courthouse job. If that ever breaks, I will NEVER find my keys.
My raiders keychain my sister bought me.
Camry & Dodge, mail & house key.
The leopard print thing holds chapped lip medicine, but I put my finger in there and play with it when i’m bored.
Lastly the silver round thing with the numbers 3027 on it came on the keyring when I bought my Mustang years ago. It was the cars’ number when it was a California Highway Patrol car. I sold the car 9 years ago, but kept the little piece of medal. It has never left my keyring.

Something I still have from a previous relationship:



Both of these! The daughter and the sweatshirt. The sweatshirt was EARNED though. I put up WAY too much shit to walk out of that one with nothing.
I actually have a book of Anne Sexton poetry that I want to return to a ex, but the last time I talk to him he said I ruined his life…I think I should just keep the book.

The view to my front door:



I know I totally screwed this one up. I waited until WAY too long and when I got home and we unpacked the van from the lake the whole hall leading into the kitchen was packed with blow up crap, towels and I think I bought a 60 gallon ice chest today…it’s OBNOXIOUSLY huge…but it has wheels!!

I did take a picture looking in from the front door, but Shaun was at the computer and he was only half dressed (reow) and said, “No honey…” and he did it in his soft voice. I can’t say no to the soft voice.

Okay, DID YOU PLAY?? if you did…leave me a comment so I can check out your stuff. If you got people to play make them comment on your blog or send them over here too so we can all check out their stuff.

Comments (47)  //  Add Comment
30
Jun
Tomorrow is Show me your STUFF PORTRAIT FRIDAY
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: stuff portrait friday
Damn, tomorrow is already Friday. This week flew by. I’m kinda glad though because I miss my two kids that are at their mom’s house this week.
Tyler and Marina will have been gone 9 days when we get them back. NINE days. It’s been almost 2 years they have been in my life and that’s the longest i’ve gone without them here.

While copying my archives I stumbled along this post and remembered how much I miss the email banter between Shaun and I when we were both at work.

I had tried to convince him I needed to get the Canon Digital Rebel (back when I was flip-flopping back and forth between the Canon and the Nikon) He wasn’t buying it.

Stuff Portrait is TOMORROW…toooooo-marrooowww tooomarrrrow…I lovee yaaaa..tomorroooowww (you’re all going to kick my ass for getting that song stuck in your head)

Friday, July 1
Your Keys
Your view from the front door (looking in or out)
Something you kept from a past relationship
Yeah, YOU MUST PLAY, it’s not going to kill you to post a few pictures. Go now…go get the camera and just take some pictures.

Upcoming: I was thinking about this last night before the xanax kicked in….I want to see your favorite wedding photo! It could be yours, it could be a friends, it could be a celebrity…just send me a link or the actual picture explain WHY it’s your favorite and let me know if it’s okay if I post it on my blog. I want to get an idea of what people like as far as ‘professional’ pictures.
No, i’m not on that road…YET.

Comments (24)  //  Add Comment
30
Jun
Going back in time…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


On Charlottes blog yesterday she asked the question, “if you could go back in time and have lunch with someone, who would it be and why?”

I’ve been thinking about my answer. My answer (on of the 5) was Me. I would go back and tell myself to pull my shit together earlier on in life.
Then I started thinking about the smaller things too.
I think my conversation would go something like this:

“Lay off the big hair.”
“All those potatos will come back in your late 20′s to haunt you.”
“Don’t talk to boys on motorcycles.”
“Take off the jacket, it doesn’t matter how many layers you have on…the boys know you don’t have titties.”
“Don’t smoke that.”
“Don’t smoke that either.”
“Math is your friend.”
“You’re not going to marry Richie Sambora.”
“Using the words, ‘I’ll just nigger rig it’ will get your ass kicked in certain circles…it’s not a ‘official term’ even though your dad said every single day of your life.”
“When mom says, ‘you’re going to marry someone just like your father’ just slap the shit out of her right there on the spot.”
” ‘Crack of Dawn’ is NOT a good screen name in chat rooms.”
“Insisting ‘he has a side you don’t know about…a gentle, sweet side’ isn’t going to make your friends like him anymore.”
“Don’t wash a pain killer down with a Jack Daniels and Coke.”
“Being a Raider and Kings fan will only bring you heartache.”
“Epidural. Insist on a epidural upon walking into the labor and delivery room.”
“Dude, FLOSS…it’s going to save you THOUSANDS of dollars.”
“Birth control…it’s going to save you THOUSANDS of dollars.”
“When your oldest talks about vibrators…go whine about it to the internet, it will make things SO much funnier.”

and you?

Comments (32)  //  Add Comment
29
Jun
112009562630581389
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: My Brats, Random
Video sharing made simple by JussPress.com

You guys are brutal. OKAY…I will call tomorrow and see about some sort of financial stuff to get an appointment. Shesh.

Okay for those of you that missed it, Here it is…BACK BY POPULAR DEMAND: Queen in the Backseat with my girls!!

Comments (21)  //  Add Comment
29
Jun
i’m a big fan.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


something is wrong.

For as long as I can remember I have these ‘episodes’ of extreme pain. When I was 18 I had the first one and I not knowing what it was I freaked out and went to the ER in an ambulance.

The only way to describe this pain is to say it’s like a contraction (labor pain) that lasts for about 15 minutes. It’s not a pain in my back or side. It’s RIGHT above my pelvis, RIGHT in the middle. Below my stomach.

During these episodes of pain I can’t move, I have to lay in the fetal position on my back, I sweat, I cry, I whine, I have a heating pad on and pain killers in me within SECONDS of it hitting.

I only get these once a year. I went to the doctor and he said it was a cyst exploding or something like that. I’ve grown use to them now.

A couple of nights ago I woke up out of a dead sleep at 4am in horrible pain. I was okay within twenty minutes and fell back to sleep with the heating pad on. The next morning I was still sore from it, but it wasn’t bad. Yesterday after lunch with my girlfriends I was sitting at Starbucks being a yuppie and it hit me again.
It didn’t help that I was wearing pants that were WAY too tight for me to be wearing. I started to panic and decided I needed to hurry up and get home.
I took a couple of pills (YES TOM, I TOOK PILLS! I TOOK PILLS AND THEY MADE IT ALL BETTER!) and rested and I was okay.

Today I was sitting here minding my own business and WHAMO, again! This is THREE in a week instead of ONCE in a year.

I have no medical insurance so it’s up to you guys…diagnose me!

Comments (54)  //  Add Comment
28
Jun
best friend moment #450
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: friends
On our way to Wal-mart to get water shoes for the lake i’m telling the story of the red stapler to my friend ‘Cita when a Denali pulls up next to us. I look in front of us and there is a Mercedes. Directly behind us is a Lexus.

I’m in mid sentence of the story and she very quietly says, ‘shush’. Then she reaches over and turns up the radio to the begining of “Shook Me All Night Long” by AC/DC.

I can’t help but smile because here we are in the midst of yuppieville snobs we are rocking out to AC/DC.

It’s those moments when I am reminded how much I love my friends.

Comments (18)  //  Add Comment
28
Jun
Office Space…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


Thank you Merry Widow for my Red Swingline Stapler!! I am in love!!

Look what Shaun made me (and you too!): happiness is a red stapler

You too can be a total nerd! if you are though, I am going to need a picture of you wearing it so I can post it all over this website!!

Comments (16)  //  Add Comment
28
Jun
Flickr Addiction…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: photography


I have a problem…It’s not like I tried to hide it. Everyone that knows me knows I have a ‘picture’ problem. Everything in my head is a picture.

It has been like that since 1991 when my Dad handed me his Minolta SLR camera and I hit the shudder button.

Many years ago when I started playing on the web and someone sent me one of those emails where you talk about your favorite things one of the questions was: “What’s your favorite sound?”
I put, “The sound my camera makes when I take a picture.”

After many happy years of using that camera, it broke. It might have been Kara picking it up and dropping it, but i’m not certain.
I then switched to the Nikon that came with the ex in our marriage deal. I look back and realize I took it for granted, the camera (and the ex). I could have really taken some good pictures with it, but I didn’t like it because it was so heavy and bulky. (much like my marriage)

I actually went a couple of years without taking pictures. I was too busy with the new video camera I thought was the best thing in the whole world.
Then Digital Cameras came into the mix and I was NOT impressed. I will be the first to admit that I didn’t jump on the ‘digital’ train. Not because I was a picture snob, but because I couldn’t develop them. How do I get the pictures out of the camera and into my photo albums?

LAME. This whole digital camera thing WON’T last.

I also thought the band,”Europe” was going to be bigger than “Journey”.

Just so you all know. Yes…I’m a geek…but I’m the stupidest geek you’ll ever know. I’m also lazy. I like what I like because I know how to use it.

I don’t have a Mac. I don’t have an Ipod. I don’t do the satelight radio. I don’t have a laptop and there are no wireless modems in my house. I just got a Tivo and flat panel computer screen.

It’s sick how I am more proud of this Flickr badge than I am of 2 years worth of college and certificates in networking security.

I really should just hand back my degree. It’s not like I am paying my student loans anyway. I’ll just take a picture of it before I do that.

Comments (21)  //  Add Comment
28
Jun
This is a warning!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


I swear if I get ONE more spam email about enlarging my penis I am going to freak the fuck out.

Comments (47)  //  Add Comment
27
Jun
SPF, Shaun, email updates and VIBRATORS
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
Last Friday’s SPF was awesome.
I was shocked that so many of us share the same perfume. I also found a few I think I might need to sneak out and sample a couple new ones!!

This upcoming Friday:

Your keys
Your view from the front door (looking in or out)
Something you kept from a past relationship
(Last idea got from Foxy Drama Queen who kept her boyfriend’s knives!! It got me to thinking about the stuff I have kept…and made me wonder what you all have hidden away)

Shaun’s at it again:
(see the HOLEY SHIRT button to your right?…CLICK IT!)

He’s loving making t-shirt designs. If you are in the market to buy a t-shirt or you’re feeling the need to support my family and want something to show for it, Go buy a T-shirt from Shaun.

I would actually like a ‘random and odd’ t-shirt, but have NO idea what to put on it. If you an idea, leave a comment and I might use it. I love Amy’s idea of “Broken Back Photography” and used in my last masthead. Let me use your ideas for my t-shirts.

EMAIL UPDATES:

I found a bunch of lame stuff on these ‘free’ sites and I like the “Update” feature that will email you and say, “Yo, Kristine updated Random and Odd”.
If you want to get that email just put your info in the box to the right and hit submit.
I put my email address in there to see if it worked…and it totally does! I now know when I write something new.

I think that’s all.

Oh, and my 12 year old daugther totally knows what a vibrator is. I heard her in the living room watching TV and she says, “MOM! Did you hear that? DID YOU HEAR THAT THIS MOM BOUGHT HER DAUGHTER A VIBRATOR!”
If I sit here real quietly she won’t know I heard the words VIBRATOR slip from her mouth.
“MOM, DID YOU HEAR THAT? She said she won’t use it though because it’s too loud.”
I think I want to die now.

Comments (28)  //  Add Comment

06
Jul
112068077000037557
Posted By: Random and Odd  //  Category: Random

Chelsea putting hair is side ponytale to be a dork

The summer is wearing on me. I’ve been trying to hang in there and be a trooper. For the most part I think I am doing alright. I’ve been to the pool about 20 times and I haven’t drown a single one yet. That’s good right?

Kara had a ‘hanging out’ date yesterday. The kid seemed nice enough. I’m not ready for this whole ‘hanging out’ stuff. The speed at which this child is growing up is freaking me out. My friend ‘Cita has a picture of Kara and her son graduating from preschool. That was yesterday. Now she’s 12 and going on ‘hanging out dates’. What happened to cooties?

Comments (22)  //  Add Comment
05
Jul
hiss…
Posted By: Random and Odd  //  Category: Random
You thought Shaun loved me…you haven’t seen ANYTHING until you’ve read WILLIAMS blog about his wife’s brush with death.

This is a must read. Don’t drink anything while you’re reading it though…you’re going spit stuff out your nose.

Comments (11)  //  Add Comment
05
Jul
112058481376472100
Posted By: Random and Odd  //  Category: Random


It was a quiet weekend. The kids were at their other houses and we got to spend *wiggling eyebrows* quality time together.

On Sunday I left Shaun in a sinus pain coma to go hang out with Mom and Kathy.
They were at Kathy’s ‘biologicall’ dad’s house. A few years ago Kathy got back in contact with her other dad, The Fonz’s ex husband. It’s taken awhile, but The Fonz and The Other Dad are finally in ‘hanging out’ terms. The Fonz got in touch with some people she went to school with and they all decided to meet up.

I love The Other Dad’s siblings. They are PACKED full of personality…and you know me and hanging out with the ‘older’ crowd.

We were having a heated discussion about Tom Cruise being a crazy and I brought up the point that there is SOMEONE out there that has been on Prozac for years and saw Tom Cruise say they were bad and decide to flush the pills down the drain and go cold turkey and that CAN’T be healthy.

TheOtherDad’s brother got up and left the room. I was in mid anti-Tom rant when he came back and sat down. When I finally shut up for a second he showed me his bottle.

“Thanks for reminding me. I forgot to take my Prozac today.”

One of the ladies at the table hooted, “YOU? Why do YOU take Prozac!?”

Totally deadpan the brother said, “Because I don’t believe in Scientology.”



The Fourth that was going to be a quiet one without kids turned into a huge pool party with the people in the ‘burbs. We did all the typical things: Drank, ate and let off fireworks. I’m sure it was the exact same as every one else’s Fourth.

BUT DID YOU HAVE A FIRE BATON TWIRLER/THROWER AT YOUR PARTY!?

My beautiful friend Lisa said, “How many times did we have parties before and we never heard the phrase, ‘WATCH OUT, LOOSE FIRE BATON UNDER THE TRUCK!’ ”

Most people look forward to lighting off fireworks on the Fourth. I look forward to the neighbor that stands outside without shoes on and lights her baton on fire and throws it up in the air.

The Fourth will never be the same if she moves.

Comments (32)  //  Add Comment
04
Jul
112053785575310718
Posted By: Random and Odd  //  Category: Random


Shaun here, blognapping Random And Odd for a minute. For fun, I’ve done some designs for some of you bloggers. More will be coming, but there’s some up now if you’re interested. If you have any requests, let me know.

Click here to check them out………

Comments (27)  //  Add Comment
03
Jul
112044277128288667
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Dashababy, The Fonz


Drive carefully Kath. It was awesome seeing you and mom today.

Mom, thanks for introducing me to your friends from when when you were just a kid. They were so very nice. I’m glad you got in contact with them. See…classmates.com isn’t so bad after all ;)

Comments (15)  //  Add Comment
03
Jul
Site Update…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
I moved some stuff around. I didn’t realize how many of you don’t see the stuff on the right of my blog. I moved all the stuff I wanted more visible to the left hand side so you can see it.

I changed my adsense too. It was going to be a monthly charity thing where I give the money to a charity at the end of the month and then we get all warm and fuzzy because we did something good.
It’s been about 6 months now and I still don’t have enough for Google to even cut me a check. (checks get cut at 25.00 and Random and Odd is still holding out at $12.00.)
So I changed it. It’s now the FEED MY D70 FUND.
I am craving a new lens. I want a macro lens so I can get those bad ass shots that Wave Of Modulation gets. Her pictures make my pee-pee tingle.

I urge you all, if you have D70 cravings then change you google adsense to let people know it’s now your D70 fund…or Rebel fund. We all know the symptoms of DES and we should all be doing our part to cure Digital Envy Syndrome.
If I see “D70 Fund” on your adsense. I WILL CLICK IT. EVERY TIME I GO TO YOUR BLOG. So if your name is on my list of blogs (to your right) You might want to get google adsense because I visit you guys…a lot.

Holey Shirt is Shaun’s Cafe Press site. He isn’t blogging much anymore because he’s really into designing new stuff. ( I will randomly showcase something he has created on R & O)
If you didn’t already know, Shaun is an artist. He can paint ANYTHING. He’s so talented it makes me want to hurl. I can’t even paint my nails without messing it up and he can paint PEOPLE! His specialty is sports art. Babe Ruth, Mike Bibby, Marshal Faulk. He can even do NASCAR…but he wont. Sorry KC.
He does do requests. Pissy Britches just got a t-shirt and coffee mug!! I can’t wait to post the pictures all over this site when she gets it!
So if you want to support his work, this website, or help us pay our cell phone bill…go get a T-shirt. We get 7 bucks, you get a t-shirt or coffee mug. DATS A BARGAIN FOR ME!

Oh and check out the updated SPF! I just want it to be known that all the ideas for SPF comes from you guys. The idea originated from a visit to Lushy’s site and she was asking to see the contents of your fridge.

Next Friday:

Favorite framed picture
Magazine Subscriptions
your household pet peeve
Have a great rest of the weekend. I am going to go party with my mom and sister.

P.S. I missed Dooce on Good Morning America. I’m okay with it though because I had really good reason…I was all tired out on Saturday morning. *wiggling eyebrows*

Comments (18)  //  Add Comment
03
Jul
In Style—eat your heart out!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Dashababy, The Fonz


The Fonz and Dashababy are in town for the weekend so I went over to kidnap them and take them to the casino.

My Mom (The Fonz) was a bit hesitant about going because every bone and muscle in her body was complaining …and let’s just face it, she’s old.

After much whining and complaining she caved, went in the house and put on her face.

Now, my mom is a fashion icon. She is known throughout the greater part of Redding for her trendy clothes and fashionable hand made jewelry.
She is what every Hollywood star WISHES they could be. I swear there should be a line of clothes called, “The Fonz”.

Of course everything would have to be inside out. LIKE HER SHIRT IS IN THIS PICTURE!

Comments (14)  //  Add Comment
02
Jul
Any questions?
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


Sometimes (not often) I will get an email where someone asks me a question about something they saw or something they read here.

Striz asked on my Flickr photostream if my hair was curly or if it was straight.

My hair (in the picture above) is ‘wavy’…that is blown out to get it as ‘straight’ as I can get it. This was taken about 3 years ago. Since then I have found the joys of a straight iron. If I don’t blow dry it or straight iron it…it’s about 4 times this ‘wavy’…borderline curly. It ends up looking like a 1990 Mariah Carey video.

It’s going to be a long ass weekend so If anyone has any questions that have been floating around, go ahead and ask.

RULES: no, I won’t tell you about my sex life Hippo…don’t ask!
and
I don’t know where your lost keys are. I can’t even find mine.
and
no, I don’t know why Tom Cruise is a complete moron.

and on a side note: Mom and Sissy are coming down this weekend. Not to see me or anything…but they are in town. I will blog that one later…it’s a doozy of a story of why they are here.

Comments (23)  //  Add Comment
01
Jul
Okay, THIS is real
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: friends, Random


I got home last night and Shaun couldn’t wait to hand me the envelope that had been waiting for me.

“This came in the mail for Kristine Pimpalicious Stone. I swear, only MY girlfriend would get something addresssed to her with the words ‘Pimpalicious’ in it.”

Thank you MRTL..This baby is so going on the mini-van!

*my bad. I thought it was Caroline that sent it because she has been saying she sent something and it never came and then yesterday I got this and thought it was from her!
MRTL asked for my address awhile ago and I thought she was sending me some blogging software.
Go check out MRTL’s site because she’s SO totally cool!!

Comments (13)  //  Add Comment
01
Jul
pretty huh?
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: friends, Random


Comments (33)  //  Add Comment

13
Jul
There is something wrong with my camera
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: friends, Random
Okay something is seriously wrong with the BAMF. For those of you new to Random and Odd, BAMF stands for Bad Ass Mutha Fucka (and that is my camera’s name)

I have a the bookmark tabs along the top of my web browser for those sites that I visit about 45 times a day because i’m a link clicker. I have LaPix’s blog (Wave of Modulation) as one of them. I never want o miss the new pictures she uploads.

So i’m sitting here about a week ago and I can hear a whimper coming from behind me. Directly behind me sits a loveseat couch and a book shelf of movies and random shit that the kids have shoved on there to avoid cleaning.

Turning around I see my camera bag shuffling. I keep the BAMF right behind me on the couch in the bag. Yes, my camera has a ‘spot on the couch’. I pulled it out and put it on my lap and continued to surf the web. I went my flickr site and I could see the BAMF seemed to cheer up a bit. Then I went to Wave Of Modulation and the camera began to purr.

I woke up this morning and this is the image I found when I came to check my email.

BAMF has a crush on LaPix’s Wave of Modulation blog.



Comments (29)  //  Add Comment
12
Jul
This post contains the word ‘I’ WAY too much
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


I need a vacation. I need one of those serious vacations. The kind that you have to actually buy new clothes for. The kind that you buy ‘travel toothpaste’ and little plastic containers.

I want to shove my suitcase full of stuff and run around franticly trying to remember all the little details. Did I remember to pack my sensible shoes? Did I pack my Xanax?

A plane. I want to get on a plane and try to find the best spot to view the runway as I am landing. I want to hear the lady give the instructions on using the stale fart cushions as a floating device if the plane makes a ‘water landing’.

I want to be able to think, “I might need to use this stale fart cushion as a flotation device because for once I AM FLYING OVER WATER!”

I want to get off the plane and see all the cool people waiting for their friends & relatives. Smell the really cool ‘other places’ smell. Get horribly lost in the airport and have to search for my bags.

I need this. I can’t afford this, but I need this.

I need a vacation.

Comments (38)  //  Add Comment
11
Jul
You are invited to SPF group, get on your funky hats
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


You have all taken SPF to a whole new level. There were over a hundred of us playing this week!
Well, there was around 70…I can’t count past 85 so I just stopped.

All of you know I am addicted to Flickr.com and I decided to bring SPF to Flickr. You’re invited to join this group. It will have a place for you to post your ideas, post your pictures for even MORE people to see (yes, there are people that are blogless and don’t read blogs. *gasp*, but they do ‘Flickr’)
You can also get GREAT tips, advice, cool tools and just random acts of kindness here.

If you don’t ‘ Do Flickr ‘ you need to. I don’t understand how you function without Flickr.
Go sign up for a free account (but you’ll get addicted and go pro within 5 months) and join the Stuff Portrait Friday Group.

SPF will still be found here EVERY FRIDAY, rain or shine…this is just a ‘i’m addicted to SPF all week and need to get a fix and know what’s going on and I want to chat about it too.’ tool.

THIS FRIDAY HAS A THEME!!

Flashback to the 80′s.
Something from the 80′s you can’t let go of

A picture of you from the 80′s

A CD or movie you have from the 80′s

If you’re interested in getting a ‘SPF’ banner or button you can find them here
Some of you were worried that I would care if you took them for your blog…not at all. In fact, I have the background set to the same color as my background. If you want one that has a different background let me know…I will make new ones. I’m THAT BORED.


Comments (25)  //  Add Comment
11
Jul
112110648163034967
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: My Brats, Random


Today is the one year annaversary of Alyx breaking her arm. She is celebrating this day by NOT going outside and NOT doing cartwheels.

July 11th is always one of those ‘weird’ days to begin with. This would be my 13th wedding annaversary with Dan. He brought the girls over this morning with Starbucks for me, Tyler and Marina. He wished me a happy Anti-versary.
It’s been a good week with us. He has been taking the girls a lot while he is on break from school.



Today is Shaun’s step-daugther’s birthday. She turns 19 today! Happy B-day Jen.

and on a sad note, if any of you listen to the Don and Mike show you’ll be saddened to hear that Don’s wife Frieda died this weekend in a car accident.
I called Shaun this morning and he sounded a bit bummed out. He told me what happened and said he was really saddened by it.
It’s strange how someone you’ve never met, but hear stories about…becomes a part of your everyday life. Frieda was a constant on the Don and Mike show because Don truly adored his wife and would call her while he was on-air to talk.
My heart goes out to Don and his family and friends. I hope they find comfort in the coming months and years.

Comments (7)  //  Add Comment
11
Jul
Taking the Good with the Bad
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


I’m working on almost a year of publicly blogging. I have been a ‘journal’ writer for as long as I can remember. I have journals dating back to 5th grade. No, my spelling and structure hasn’t gotten much better since then…in case you’re wondering. Hope you’re not thinking it will improve either.

Since my blog spanned out further than my mom, sister and beautiful friend, Lisa I have gotten my share of mail that is, shall we say, less than sweet.
I decided a long time ago that any personal emails I get that are unpleasant will get the same reply, “Thank you for the email.” and then I hit delete and then I go into my deleted folder and I delete it forever. I never wanted to go back and reread it and feel that hurt again.

I also decided that I wouldn’t make any of these emails public on my blog. It’s too easy to do that. It’s too easy for me to get really upset and publicly blast the person for being a complete idiot and mean ass SOB for saying what they said. If I were to do this I would be inviting more sour emails and then my readers would get really angry at the person who decided to call me a mean name.
It’s a cycle that would eventually ruin my blog. I’ve found blogs that spend way too much time worrying about what someone said to them, about them or behind their back. Their writing went from humorous and ‘real’ to ‘edgy’ and carrying mean undertones and hidden messages to the person that was being mean to them. I will not do that to Random and Odd.

With that said, I do get some totally kick ass emails. I got one this week from one of my blogless readers. Hi Charlotte!
She had some really sweet things to say and it made my day to get this email.
It’s wonderful how someone saying, “I like what you have to say. Thank you for sharing.’ can really lift someone who is feeling a little bit down.

In the contact section of Dooce she says, ‘your email can either make or break my day.’ and I finally understand what she means by that. I have gotten my share of the bad, but sometimes I get the good too. This is the stuff I want to share with you guys. The good. My little corner of the internet is so good.

For those that want to send mean emails, go right on ahead…i’m going to hit delete and you’re not going to get the public display you are so eagerly trying to achieve.
If you have ever sent someone an email or left a comment saying, ‘i like your blog, thank you for sharing.’ I just want to buy you a Coke and sing you a song.

You’re the ones that make the internet so good.

Comments (40)  //  Add Comment
10
Jul
If you give a little more than your asking for…your love will turn the key
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: My Brats, Shaun, tyler
MrsDof asked:
How did you manage to get an adolescent boy to put it [the crazy fuzzy hat] on? although I do like the one he is wearing the best.
Perhaps he is a real sweetie, but my guess is that either a bribe or a threat or a dare happened right before the picture was taken.


Blues Brothers or Pimpin’ Mac Daddies?

This is Shaun’s son we are talking about. Neither one of them have fear of embarrassment.

I have more pictures of him in crazy hats then any of the other kids.

*the title is an attempt to get that stupid song out of my head and into yours.

Comments (15)  //  Add Comment
10
Jul
Dear Kara,
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: kara, Letters

Since you’re up in Redding with the Fonz for the week doing all kinds of fun stuff, we decided to do something fun this weekend too. We didn’t go to Alcatraz without you though. Just Fisherman’s Wharf & the Golden Gate Bridge.

I put all the pictures up on Flickr so if you’re bored up there at Grandma Fonz’s house you can go look at all the great fun we had.

Yeah, like you’re actually going to read this, YOU’RE too busy shopping, going to the lake and horseback riding.

We miss you Kara Bear…come home soon!

Comments (16)  //  Add Comment
07
Jul
112080421457946179
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: stuff portrait friday

****UPDATE: Someone said something about buying a ‘SPF’ t-shirt and of course Shaun jumps on it and makes it. CLICK HERE to see the ‘SPF buyable gear’.
NOTE: be careful of what you say we should put on T-shirts around here…you know he reads this site! ;) ******Stuff Portrait Fridays has taken off! Just like every week, I thank Lushy for the idea. If it wasn’t for her crazy need to see the contents of your fridge we wouldn’t be slapping our stuff up on Fridays for the whole internet to see. ( that sounded kinkier than intended)
My Favorite Framed Picture:
as you can imagine…I have a lot. Since Shaun moved in and we had to merge our stuff, i’ve scaled back a few. I took pictures of all my pictures because I couldn’t decide. They are in frames because I love them so much.



This one won out though. This was the day I graduated from college. This day belonged to me, but more importantly it belonged to my mom. When I walked off stage to go back to my seat with my diploma I stopped at my mother who was in the front row sitting next to my sister and Shaun and my other friends. I stopped and handed her my tassel. (it was chafing my nipple anyway)
No one deserved this more than she did. She woke me up every single morning from the time I was in kindergarten until my last struggling days of my junior year. She didn’t get to watch me walk across the stage then I graduated from high school…because I didn’t. She was the first person I called when I passed my GED…when I was 30. My mom deserved more than some silly tassel, but just being able to say, “I did it.” was more than she could ever hope for.

Magazine Subscriptions:


I don’t have subscriptions per say, but I do buy magazines. The INSTYLE magazine actually is my ex-husbands. Don’t ask.
The PC PHOTO is a magazine I bought 4 months ago. I’m still struggling through it.
and the cheap magazine is there because I can take it to the pool with me and I don’t have to freak out that I ruined a 5 buck magazine because it got wet.

My Household Pet Peeve:


Whoa MAJOR HOUSEHOLD PET PEEVE. Half finished stuff. I have NO baseboards in my living room and kitchen. They got tore out when I had the carpet in the hallways and kitchen pulled out and tile put in.
The paint color sucks too. I painted at the same time I did the yellow bathroom. I think I might have been smoking pot back then.

Alrighty…did you play? Some of you commented on the last post, but if you come back, comment today so everyone can go check out your stuff.
If you do go check out other people’s stuff, leave a comment for them so they know you came.

If you’re dragging people into this crazy online fad, send em over and tell them to comment. I can’t go be a peeping Tom without blog addys!

Comments (74)  //  Add Comment
07
Jul
Pissy Britches
Posted By: Random and Odd  //  Category: Random
I talked to a very upset Pissy Britches today. She was planning on coming to California for the BlogHer conference. Recovering Straight Girl, Pissy and I were going to show up and crash the ‘cool people party’.
But, Mr. Pissy planned the family trip for that weekend which sent Pissy into a state of tears and frustration.

I called her to try to soothe her a bit and ended up getting the laugh of a lifetime.

Just for the record…if there is anyone living in the South and you’re missing your accent; Pissy has it.

*****

STUFF PORTRAIT FRIDAY…it’s tomorrow. YES! TOMORROW IS FRIDAY!

Friday, July 8

Favorite framed picture
Magazine Subscriptions
your household pet peeve
Comments (20)  //  Add Comment
07
Jul
Disinterested…
Posted By: Random and Odd  //  Category: Random


I’m blah. You’ve noticed. I’m trying really hard to get back on the bandwagon. I want to be happy, perky, fun and laughing, but it ebbs and flows.

I swear I feel like i’m running from one thing or another all the time. It’s anxiety one week, back pain the next, depression glaring at me from the corner just waiting for something so it can pounce.

I watched Dateline last week and it had the guy who had to cut off his arm to get out of the canyon. He was starting to see things…because he had no water. It came down to the amount of water he had left. His body couldn’t stabilize heat and cold if he didn’t have water. He kept talking about the need for water. I have water. I have running water in 3 rooms of my house. I even have access to water in the front yard and in the back. With all this water; why am I not okay?
Now i’m obsessed with drinking water.
I’m certain that if I drink enough I might be okay.
If I ever get caught in a canyon in Utah I have enough water stored in my hips to keep me for at least a good 2 weeks.

After that, send help.

I’m hating Tom Cruise right now too. I feel guilty everytime I take a Xanax. I think, “Well, it’s not like i’ve even tried to take a vitamin and walk a little.”

Is there such a thing as a ‘happy pill’? I want the ‘get your shit together so you’re not freaked out all the time’ pill. I would totally buy those.

I’m feeling disinterested.

A long time ago it seemed like I kept getting the question, “How you doing?” and I always said, “I’m hanging in there.”
I think that might have been code for, “I’m actually slipping into a deep depression and you might want to hide sharp objects.”
No one heard me. They just heard, “i’m hanging in there.”
I swore after I got better that I would never say that again. I swore that if someone asked me how I was doing I would be honest. I would say, “FUCKING FANTABULOUS.” or “I’m not doing so well today.”

As of late…I’m just hanging in there.

Comments (62)  //  Add Comment

19
Jul
The Super Glue Story
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: shea


It’s amazing that Shea is still alive.

I was living in my apartment and had the girls only half the time. I was battling with an unnamed depression and a feeling of doom. Later I find out that it was postpartum depression and anxiety attacks. This is why I am amazed that child is still around after what she did to me.

She was about 3 years old when I had them at my tiny apartment for the weekend. I remember it was a Sunday and I would be sitting on my couch watching football and doing laundry. The girls would be playing with all the toys they had packed from Dad’s house.

I was sitting on the computer checking my email when I heard Kara say, “Ooooohhh Sheaaaaaaa. Mom’s going to be SOOO mad!”

I got up from my desk/dinnertable, which was a green plastic outside patio set to find Shea had found a blue Sharpie pen and had taken it to my white leather couch. Now don’t go thinking it was a high priced couch. It wasn’t. I got it from the neighbor who put it out for charity to take and I cleaned it all up and was happy to have something to plant my ass on in MY apartment. It was MY couch. MINE, not OURS…but MINE. I loved that couch that now looked like a large Etch a Sketch.

She knew she was in trouble because she booked it for the bedroom while I took every cleaning agent I had to see if I could salvage my couch. Note: Baby wipes work on white leather to get blue Sharpie out. kind of.

I decided my best bet was to throw a blanket over the mess and try not to seriously freak out and think my life was coming to an end because of this. I resumed checking my email.

“SHEA!” I hear Kara yell again.

“WHAT NOW? I get up to find Shea has relocated the blue Sharpie and is drawing INSIDE THE TOILET!” I pick her up, take the blue Sharpie out of her hand, open the sliding glass door and chuck it out into the parking lot.

“Guess who is going to take a nap?” I ask her and she puts her head on my shoulder like an angel. “UGH!” I can’t be mad when she does this. I put her in her play pen and inform Kara that I am going to take a shower and to watch her sisters.

FIVE MINUTES. I didn’t even shave my legs! I get out and Shea is standing in the living room pulling the blanket off couch.

“Kara! Why did you get Shea out of her playpen?” I ask my then 8 year old that is playing Sega on the floor with her other sister.
“I didn’t.” she never even looks up.

I go into the bedroom and there it is. A PERFECT ROUND CIRCLE cut out of the mesh side. I’m standing there like Chandler from Friends for a whole minute looking at the hole, looking at Kara, looking at Shea and mumbling and pointing.

“WHOA. Wait a second here. KARA put down the Sega and look at me.” She turns around and sees Shea sitting behind her.
“How did she get out of her play pen?” She asks.
“THERE IS A HOLE CUT INTO THE SIDE.” I try not to yell.

She goes in and looks at the hole and looks at me instantly, “I swear I didn’t do it!”
We turn around and see Shea and Alyx standing in the doorway.
“Who did this?” I can’t believe I am asking a 3 and 4 year old who cut a PERFECTLY round hole into a side of a meshsided play pen.

Shea pulls from her back a pair of scissors I didn’t even know I had.
“HOLY SHIT!” I take the scissors away from her and thank GOD and everyone else that she didn’t kill herself with them.
“How did you get these?” I don’t know why I asked her, she couldn’t even talk and the only person that could communicate with her was Alyx.

Alyx. The angel. The child that does no wrong…BURSTS into tears and shamefully admits that Shea TOLD her to get her some sissors so she could get out. Shea MADE HER.
“You cut that hole?” I ask Alyx.
“No, Shea did.” I’m still baffled by this, but i’m past the point of being able to deal with it.

I turn the part with the hole towards the wall and push it up close so she can’t get through it and I put Shea back in her playpen where she instantly goes looking for her escape route.
“Alyx you tell your sister that she better stay in there or I am going to be SO mad!”

I take off my robe and put on a pair of shorts and tank top and resume checking my mail.

“SHEA!” Kara yells again.

THAT IS IT…how much trouble could she have gotten into while in her play pen? She’s not in her playpen. She’s standing in the living room smiling like a loon with her fingers in her mouth.

I stand up and the green plastic chair is stuck to my ass. I sit back down and try to stand up again. The green plastic chair comes with me. I push the arms of the chair down. Nope, it’s not coming off. I sit back down and PULL myself up and hear the sound of the green plastic tearing from the seat of the chair. I touch the back of my favorite shorts and there is now a part of my chair STUCK to my shorts along with some very sticky substance that instantly hardens on my fingers.

“Kara. Did you put superglue on my chair?” She would seem like the logical person to ask.
“No.”
I look at the angel child staring up at me. “Alyx?” I almost feel like I am betraying her by asking her.
“MOM!? no!” I apologize and look at Shea.
“Bay?” She shakes her head no.

I realize that a stunt like this can’t be pulled off without some trace of evidence. I turn around see that the superglue is on the bookshelf where I left it and it’s stuck to it because the lid wasn’t put back on.

“Show me your hands.”

Kara puts her hands in front of her. Nothing.
Alyx puts her hands in front of her. Nothing.
Shea looks at them and puts her hands out and I see that her forefinger and thumb are stuck together and all that cute hand chewing was her trying to gnaw through the glue to free her fingers.

“Pack it up kids, you’re going to your father’s house.”

I kept the shorts. They are in Shea’s baby box of stuff. I hope she has 3 little girls JUST like her when she’s all grown up. The curse has been set into motion.

Comments (44)  //  Add Comment
19
Jul
Whoa the randomness that is me…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: friends, Random


It’s 1:45 am and I just finished Charlotte & Sue’s shiny new blog. I had to. Sue promised me cookies & Charlotte told me my kids were totally cute. Sue, of course, hasn’t told Charlotte she will be making the cookies for me though. Charlotte…I love mint chocolate chips!
(She already knows this, I talked to her on the phone yesterday)

I also talked to Pissy and she wanted to know why my name on AOL instant messenger is “JustKeeton” and not “RandomAndOdd”. I told her that “Keeton” was my radio name.
Yes, there are SOME things I haven’t blogged about. Now I will get a comment saying, “Yes, you did blog about that.” I can’t remember what I blog about and what I dream I blog about anymore.

Um…I also spent some time on the phone with Merry Widow too. YES, I AM PHONE WHORE. I couldn’t help it. I was having phone to ear withdrawls!
I promised her I would blog the story about the time Shea superglued me to the plastic lawn chair.
(have I blogged that before?)

It’s now almost 2am and I need to go to sleep.

Happy Birthday Dooce. Happy Birthday Madmanan.

There is ONE day left before Merry Widow’s birthday. Someone please remind me that Shaun’s birthday is August 3rd. Just keep reminding me. I won’t forget it this year sweetie. I promise.

Comments (15)  //  Add Comment
18
Jul
SPF – July 22nd -What’s for Dinner?
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: stuff portrait friday




July 22nd -What’s for Dinner?

Your speciality dinner
Food you ALWAYS have in your house
Your favorite appliance
Speciality dinner…you all have one. You will be surprised to find that my picture might look remarkably close to Kentucky Fried Chicken.

Food you ALWAYS have in your house. Shaun makes sure our house is always stocked with potato chips. My hips hate him.

Your favorite appliance. Ronco is going to finally get his props!

Can’t wait till Friday!! (I promise not to wait until Friday at 3am to take the pictures!!)

Comments (14)  //  Add Comment
17
Jul
Blog This!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: friends, Random

Ready for Pissy to come visit!, originally uploaded by randomandodd.
While in SF a few weeks ago we went into the hat shop and I saw this hat.

“Look Shaun, i’m going to whar’ this to da are-port to pick up Pissy Britches!”

:::: CLICK ::::

It’s nice right now to have something to look forward to.
Hanging out with Recovering Straight Girl and Pissy will be a good thing. I think.

Thanks for your well wishes and prayers.

Comments (20)  //  Add Comment
16
Jul
one more time….
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
It’s been a really long time since something has happened in our family. We’ve been very lucky as far health concerns and accidents.

My sister called me to tell me that my sister in law has breast cancer. Our family is a bit tore up right now with the shock.

It’s one of those things that I question if I should announce on the internet. I debated about it for a long time and then I talked to my mom this morning and she was crying.
My mom crying breaks my heart. When you have watched this strong woman go through all she has been through and then to see her cry because her son is hurting is like watching a train derail.
There is nothing I can do. Nothing I can say. She cries for her children and as a mother I understand that.

So it’s not in vain that I announce this. It’s for your prayers. I have mentioned some of the things that I have been dealing with and you all have gathered in my comment section and sent well wishes, prayers & words of wisdom…and it worked. I am asking again. Please pray for my sister in law, send good vibes for my hurting family members.

If you have a church prayer group, please put Judy’s name in. If you’re a part of a prayer ring, please take a second to wish her strength. If you know God personally could you please pull a few strings?
If you’re not into prayers then just send good vibes…you’re all really great at doing that.

The Fonz wanted me to tell you, through the tears, that she is going to be alright and she will find her strength to be strong for her daughter in law and her son.

Thank you,
Kristine

Comments (44)  //  Add Comment
15
Jul
Sigma 18-50mm
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: photography


Click to see specs

This is it. This is what we are clicking for!

Shaun and I went to the Nikon dealer today to pick up the video on ‘mastering your D70′ and I told him, “I’m leaving the BAMF at home because If I go there I am going to want them to strap a macro lens on it and I won’t be able to give it back to them.”

I get pee-pee tingles upon pulling up to the camera shop. I’m like a kid jumping out of the car to run into Chucky Cheese.
“LOCK THE DOOR KRISTINE!”
I go running back like a 5 year old to lock my side and practically hit the glass door trying to get in the camera shop.

The place had NO one in there, I had the clerk ALL TO MYSELF.
I’m breathless as I ask him if he has that stupid DVD. I am trying to pretend that’s the reason i’m there so Shaun doesn’t hide my car keys on Monday out of fear of me hawking my bootie on the street to get 250.00 bucks for a Macro lens.

“So, you have a macro lens here.” I’m so smooth. It’s a camera shop.
“Yep.”
“I have the D70.” I’m fidgeting because I can see the macro lens in the glass counter, but have NO CLUE as to which one will work with my camera.
“I know, you’re buying the video.” Smooooooooth I am.
“Soooo..” I’m thinking he doesn’t see how clearly stupid I am. “I want one. I can’t have one today, but I want one. Which one is fairly cheap but will get me the results I want?”
“It depends.”

I FUCKING HATE THAT. Why do people say that to people? It’s mean. Now he’s going to get all technical on my ass and I don’t want to hear about numbers and speeds.
I just want to take a damn picture with that lens!

“On?” I’m fidgeting again and Shaun is starting to hover. I only have maybe 5 minutes before he pulls me out of the store by my pony tail.

“Well, it depends on how close to the subject and…blah. blah. blah.”
“I want to be able to crawl INTO whatever it is I am taking of. THAT CLOSE.”

He pulls out the lens and puts it on the pretty red mat and proceeds to give me numbers and speeds and depth of field mumbo jumbo.

“Do you have a D70 that you can stap that puppy to and show me?”
“Of course.”

I can feel the ponytail being pulled.

OH.MY.LORD.IN.HEAVEN. I wet myself. Seriously I could take a picture of like an eyelash and it will come out crystal clear and close up.

*Dreamy Sigh*

On the way home with our new dvd, Shaun is calculating how many adsense clicks it will take before I can buy the macro lens.
Like 100,000 adsense clicks.

He might want to hide the car keys Monday.

Comments (31)  //  Add Comment
15
Jul
112142303392472670
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: stuff portrait friday


Flickr is acting up so I am going to try out this new ‘picture in blogger’ thing.
Bear with me…this is my first week using it.
This week was harder than I thought it would be. How hard could it be? I am living with a man that is stuck in the 80′s. It was hard.

I couldn’t decide what I kept from the 80′s. I couldn’t find my Dukes of Hazard matchbox car set I have. No seriously…I have one.
Here is my diary from 1986.

Internet, meet Matt Chestnut. This my first boyfriend. He was like 5 foot tall and The Fonz used every opportunity to tell me how dorky we looked together. I was like 5’7 in 7th grade.
I was certain that this boy was going to be the father of my children. We were going to raise our 3 children to be perfect little Raider fans and live in Shingletown forever. He was going to be the PE coach and I was going to write stories for teenage girls. Oh gag me with a spoon!

Here’s just ONE page from this diary that reads much like a conversation with my 12 year old. I couldn’t post the other pages because…dear God I was so stupid then! I will post for you my ‘Shit List’. If by chance you went to 6-9th grade with me and you’re name is on this list…no worries, i’m PRETTY SURE I’m over whatever it was that caused you to get put on this list.


Next up is a movie from the 80′s. My favorite was Real Genius with Val Kilmer, but I don’t own that movie. I use to until the Fonz couldn’t take it anymore and probably buried it somewhere in the middle of the forest and rejoiced that she would never have to hear that movie played at 7am when I was getting ready for school.
I picked a movie that I still have. (Shaun is making me get rid of all my VHS movies)
This movie I can watch over and over and over and never get sick of it. The Fonz will laugh until she pees over the part, “Back in the Bowl!”


I did buy HEATHERS because IMHO is one of the best movies. “Oh Fuck me running Heather! What is your damage?!”Pictures of me from the 80′s. You’re not drinking anything are you? Put it down, this is painful.




Okay did you play?? Leave me a comment! Did you get anyone else to play? GET EM OVER HERE so we can all check out their stuff!
Comments (64)  //  Add Comment
14
Jul
112138375328321386
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: My Brats


Internet, I knew it was going to be bad this summer, but they have created their own ‘bored club’.

My house is the ‘hang out’ house. It was like that when I was a kid and I knew that my house would be that house when my kids got older. My house has become the headquarters for the ‘bored club’ though.



To be a member you must be able to look bored while sitting on the couch, be able to play video games non-stop for 6 solid hours, strategically avoid doing any housework, know the temperature outside and be able to complain about it, use the excuse that any pool they could go to would ‘suck’ anyway because it’s just too hot…oh, and you have to be able to build a fort like this:



I walked in to see THIS in my living room. I see the ‘little kids’ hanging outside this contraption and as I am getting ready to ask them (clearing throat) “WHAT THE FUCK?” I hear the 3 fourteen year olds saying, “it would be perfect in here if we just had a fan and a waiter.”

“What are you guys doing in there?” You have to ask this question when there are two 14 year old boys and one 14 year old girl under 7 large blankets.

“We are in our super, super, secret fort.”

That explains it all. I’m not too worried as the living room is like 4 steps away from where I am sitting right now, and besides the conversation going on is hysterical. They have reverted back to being 7 years old.
“Stop hitting me!”
“Your feet stink!”
“OH NO, A PART OF THE FORT IS FALLING…QUICK!”
“I’m the president of this fort.”
“No you’re not. If so I get to be the treasurer slash bouncer”
“We have no money.”
“We need a name for our group.”
“I thought we were the bored club.”
*ROARING LAUGHTER*
“YOUR FIRED!”
“Fine, I quit. I’ll start a new fort!”
“You can’t. We are out of blankets.”



If you’re coming to BlogThis 2005 remember to bring a really big blanket. I have an idea!

Comments (19)  //  Add Comment
14
Jul
I’m a 600 lb man!!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: friends, Random


I had exactly 25 minutes to shower, dress, find a brush, convince my friend ‘Cita who had JUST gotten back from SF that morning to be my co-pilot, go the bank and manage to get to the airport to pick up KC.

By the grace of God, I DID IT. I shaved off about 4 days of my life doing it, but I’ll worry about that in the end.

“Do you know what she looks like?” Cita asks me as we stand at the bottom of the terminal waiting for KC’s flight.
“Pink shirt, black pants…floral bag.”
“THAT’S IT?”
“We met through the internet, what do you expect?”

She came down the escalator and when she saw me she smiled all big and I got one hell of a hug!

We made it to the car and for 2 hours we talked about everything.

Without any problems (road rage or anxiety attacks) we found the hotel in SF and got her settled in. We weren’t going to leave until we knew her luggage was back at the hotel and not in some airport circling around and around.
She called her hubby to let her know that we didn’t kill her and leave her in a ditch somewhere on the side of interstate 80.
She says, “Oh and honey, no worries, she wasn’t a 600 lb man afterall!”

He was of course embarrassed that she would tell me that he was scared I was some scary dude pretending to be someone else and luring unsuspecting bloggers to their deaths.
We all got a good giggle out of it and I told her the story about how I had met some of my friends from the My So-Called Life mailing list friends in Pittsburgh, Kansas and when anyone asked where we met, we would say, “An internet chat room for serial killers.”

We did manage to track down her luggage at the SF airport. IT HAD JUST GOTTEN THERE. Her real flight wouldn’t have even have landed yet!
She did get a glimpse of anxiety-Kristine in the SF airport terminal.
“WHY ARE THEY HONKING? WHY IS HE RIGHT BEHIND ME? OH GOD MAKE HIM STOP!”
My friend ‘Cita has had 10 years of knowing the right things to say and do and the tone to say them in to get me to calm down so I didn’t have to kill any people on the road or any unsuspecting blogger friends.

I even let KC play with the BAMF. Her first words off the plane was, “You really do carry that thing everywhere don’t you?”



Since 90% of the trip was in the car this is what she got to take pictures of.

I didn’t want to leave, I wanted to hang out and take more crazy pictures of the glass elevators and steal some of the lavender scented linen spray they offer the hotel guests…but I did.

Note to KC’s husband and mom: She made it! She was well behaved and was no trouble at all.
and if she has some crazy flashbacks about pulling out of the gas station at 80 miles per hour just give her some Xanax and she will be JUST fine.



Comments (33)  //  Add Comment
13
Jul
No…Guess!!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: friends, Random
Who is crazy enough to pick up a fellow blogger at the airport and drive her to San Francisco because her flight got bumped and canceled?

ME.

WELCOME TO CALI KC!!

Comments (15)  //  Add Comment

25
Jul
Is it a goal?
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


I finished Nip/Tuck last night..er..this morning at 5 am. I was awake when Shaun’s alarm for work went off.

You would think after watching 10 hours of plastic surgery that I would be a bit self conscious about my looks, stretch marks (or ‘racing stripes’ as I like to refer to them) and ‘baby weight’ that I carry from 12 , 8 and 7 years ago.
I don’t though. Yes, my weight bothers me, but it always has. When I was thin I was teased, when I gained weight I was teased. You get to point where you think, “I can’t please anyone.” so you just begin to like you for who you are. I like myself for who I am. Yes, I want to be thin…so thin that I can wear any pair of pants that I want. I want to glide into a room and not worry if my panty lines are digging into my ass.
I like how my face looks when I have lost weight. I have pretty facial features and stucture.

It’s just not that important right now.

Why though? Why do I need to be PUSHED to get something done? Why does my health have to be at risk for me to go to the doctor? Why do I have to be getting the phone calls to pay a bill? Why do I have to wait until a week before guests come before I panic and start cleaning and stress out that I don’t have baseboards on my walls?

These are all things that have been sitting right here whispering at me for months…in some cases, YEARS.

I’m franticly searching my mind for a time when I had it all together. How do I get back to that person? Was I ever organized? Did I ever have any goals I wanted to reach?

I don’t think I ever did. When I started college and they had that first day meeting where they try to show you the big picture and say, “This is where you want to be in 2 years, work hard..blah…” I remember thinking, ‘If I can make it through the first month I will be lucky’.

I’m rambling. I do that when I’ve had 3 cups of coffee and get to a place where you’ve been depressed for a week or more and you’re starting to come out of it and you realize because of the depression you’ve let some things just go and now you have to face the music.

My Flickr photo stream shows I’ve taken about 10 pictures this week. My normal week includes 200+ pictures. I know, I know, my back has been out and it’s impossible to get out and take pictures.

I’m overwhelmed. I have a notebook and I need to sit down and figure out how to make things not so overwhelming…come up with a plan of action. I’m not good at setting goals, but I am good at trying to fix things and make them all better.

Oh, and I have a small stack of Thank You notes to send out to you that have donated to my Nikon Lens Account through Pay Pal/Credit Card thing.
You guys are awesome.

So who’s coming over to help me write lists and make phone calls?

Comments (22)  //  Add Comment
25
Jul
Calling All Bloggers….
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: alyx, friends, Random
I’m now 800 lbs. Not being able to get up out of bed, mixed with Charlottes mint chocolate chip cookies have enlarged me to a human tanker truck.

I might need to rethink the whole ‘send me cookies’ requests.

It’s 3am and I am on the last leg of my Nip/Tuck first season. Like I said in the comments, I am a tv, movie, books and music idiot. You need to keep me informed of cool shows. If it wasn’t for my back being out I would never know what a sweet girl Amber Frey was, Joey was a comic genius or that Nip/Tuck is…dare I say it? BETTER than Sopranos!

The reason I hauled my ass out of my cookie crumb infested bed is to put out a request for help.

Alyx is all in a tissy. Normally I wouldn’t feed this, but it looks like her precious Polly Pockets are slowly being pulled from the shelf so they can be replaced with Bratz or whatever the new fad in kids are into. Alyx LOVES Polly Pockets. She cleaned the game closet yesterday for 8 bucks so she could get this certain Polly. (Yes, 8 bucks is the going rate to clean my closets…anyone want to take on the ‘art closet’?)

We can’t find Britain Polly. We found “French Polly” but not “Britain Polly” All I know is that it comes with 2 Pollys and she comes in a (I can’t believe I’m condoning her getting this stupid doll) she comes wearing a …. oh God, i’m going to spend the rest of my life paying for her therapy…a school girl outfit.

If you happen to be in the toy store, drug store, porn shop…and you see this certain Polly, can you pick it up for me? I’ll pay you back. (I’ll have to clean the art closet first though)

Comments (29)  //  Add Comment
24
Jul
Random, Random, Random…Keep the random coming…HOW ODD.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


1. Medicated Kristine shouldn’t be allowed to blog. EVER. I don’t care how funny she is, she should not be allowed to sit in front of the computer and make sexual references with eye wiggles.

2. E Hollywood True Stories was brought to me by the Saint of Back Pain. I prayed and it was given unto me. An escape from the gripping backpain in the form of juicy details of Hollywood royalty. I pray each night to the Saint of Back Pain to bring unto me an E Hollywood True Story about Val Kilmer. Nude. amen.

3. Shaun bought me the last Harry Potter. He listens people. He does what you tell him to do. Will someone please tell him to kill the spiders in the bathroom and take out the trash too?

4. I talked to so many people that I haven’t heard from in awhile. My friend Skeie (pronounced Shaya…and yes, the one I named Shea after). Jessica who joined the army…crazy ass bitch. Zach, who I’m not sure I have blogged about…but one day I will. My friend Gordon called me this morning and we talked for a couple hours.

5. August 3rd. I’m on it. August 3rd. Boyfriend’s birthday.

6. Shaun is kicking me off the computer because I have been on for more than an hour and I will never get better if I am sitting upright.
Oh and you guys have his ass moving on some Holey Shirt designs. He redesigned the site again so he could make it easier for you to find stuff. You guys are awesome and when I get better I am taking a whole post dedicated to all of you that have bought the shirts, cups and thongs ;)

Enjoy the rest of your weekend and send more medicine..please…and Val Kilmer. Nude.

Comments (13)  //  Add Comment
22
Jul
I need some post – it notes….
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random, Shaun, shea
“Mom, can I have this?” Shea holds up a small green bear in a small half box type of thing.

“What is it?” I looked, but didn’t really see what she was showing. I was watching JOEY. No one told me that show was funny. Or maybe I was just medicated.

“It’s a gween bewr.” Her Boston accent is still as thick as it was when she was 5.

“A green bear?”

“Yeah. It says..aaaauuugggust. What does that mean?”

“Dunno.” Mild laughing at Joey being a total nerd. OH LOOK IT’S ANDRIANNA FROM SOPRANOS!

“So can I have it?” She asks again.

“Uh. yeah.” I turn up the volume as if my now super sonic medicated ears can’t hear the electricity pumping through the walls already. “WHOA WAIT! it might be someone’s.” I’m sucha good mom for thinking about the other children in the house.

“It says Aaaauggggust.” She puts in front of my face. “I think it’s a birthday bear. It has a little charm on it.”

“It’s probably Marina’s bear. Her birthday is in August.”

Kara comes in the room, as if on cue. “No, her birthday is in December.”

I can’t hear Joey and figure out who made the perfect lasagna if they keep talking.

“Whatever. Take it. It’s yours. It’s probably something one of you guys bought at a yard sale.”

FINALLY. Silence. LOL….that Joey is funny. I think I should take the other pill, it’s a double header of Joey followed by Will and Grace.

Something is tickling the back of my mind. Birthday. August.
Someone has a birthday in August. If I could just remember who….

Fuck. I am the worst girlfriend EVER.

Comments (18)  //  Add Comment
22
Jul
PRVT. ROXY
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: friends


Sheeeee’s Back…again. Sort of.

It’s been about 5 months since I heard from her. She came back awhile ago after getting into a domestic violence situation with her freak of nature boyfriend. After that she packed up and moved to Idaho. bitch.

Anyway, she called me today and said, “GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!” I freaked out. The sound of her voice brings the taste of Captain Morgan to my mouth and I can physically feel strappy shoes on my feet. She was my partner in bartending crime.

“WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?” I ask this because even though I last heard she was in Idaho she could be in Sadia Arabia for all I know. She’s crazy like that.

“I joined the ARMY!”

To say I was stunned doesn’t seem to cover it. Shaun looked at me and I know he’s waiting for me to say she’s in Aruba partying with the two released brothers or something.

“Where are you?” I ask again.
“In Virginia.”
“You in bootcamp?” Images of this crazy ass woman with a gun makes me smile.
“No, I graduated a few months ago. GUESS WHAT? I can shoot an M-16 now!”

We did the whole promising to see each other before she gets shipped off to where ever they think can handle her.

When we worked together and she was talking about wanting to move I told her I wanted her to see the world. I DID NOT MEAN LIKE THIS.

Crazy ass bitch.

Comments (10)  //  Add Comment
21
Jul
SPF – What’s For Dinner…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: stuff portrait friday


Let’s start this with…I’m medicated. Anything I say or do in this post can not be hel…or spelled wrong…can’t not be held against me.

My (two) favorite kitchen appliances


Notice that there is TWO different shots. *wiggling eyebrows*
Since Shaun moved in I don’t use any of my cool stuff anymore. I love my Ronco Rotiserreieiriree thing, but he didn’t seem so impressed with it when I made him food so I haven’t use it since. He’s not a roteisisiderrirneer kind of guy. He likes the old school BBQ I just bought him. He also took out my decorations. He did! He took out the fish stuff I had. I have nothing remaining except a fish light switch. bastard. He’s slowly taking over. save me. really. help. I might not remember how to make ice soon. OH DEAR GOD HE BUYS ICE FOR US NOW.
send help.

My Specialty


It’s a good thing he packs a really big….sammich. *wiggling eyebrows again*
I’m medicated. Please don’t forget that. Oh and um…I would have made my really good, no REALLY FUCKING GREAT potroast, but well…i’m medicated. I might have hurt someone…or accidentally put the dog in there.

Food our that is always in our house


You feel sorry for me now don’t you. YOU SEE WHAT I BRING INTO THIS HOUSE WHEN YOU ARE NOT MAKING ME COOKIES! I bring in .99 cent oatmeal cookies. pathetic. yet rather addicting. I’m medicated. Did I mention that?



Shaun buys these. He buys these every time he goes to the store. He’s a loud cruncher too.

I’m not going to be playing much of SPF this week so if you skip it this week you won’t get points taken off. You guys are all on mental vacation anyway. I saw those scores on the trivia…Props to my sister who got 90. And my mother that scored lower than Charlotte 2?
Seriously mom, I came out your cooter, you would think there is NOTHING you don’t know about me. *shaking head*

Guess what? I’m totally medicated. I think Shaun’s getting out the duct tape. I better get going.

Comments (41)  //  Add Comment
21
Jul
Random and Odd Trivia
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
I caved. I did one of those ‘do you know your friends’ quizes. I did pretty good on MRTL’s so I thought, oh what the heck.

I went to the site and WHOA the blinking flashy ads on the side almost sent me into a anxiety attack. I survived it though so I could put this together. It was actually fun thinking of questions and answers.

Let me know how you do! I didn’t make them SUPER easy, but not super hard either.

How Well Do You Know Random and Odd?

Can you beat Shaun who only got 70% ???

Comments (36)  //  Add Comment
21
Jul
I don’t eat fish
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


All of you have already read Harry Potter so I can only ‘scan’ your blogs or you’re going to tip me off and I will be so pissed…like when Cat let the cat out of the bag that Carrie won American Idol.
So I am just ‘scanning’ and if I see the word “Harry” I just click away from you.

I’m not ready to read it. I know myself too well. I read the first one in like 7 hours and I was only reading the first couple pages to see if Kara would like it. I then read the other books in less than 48 hours each. I told myself when I was reading the last brick of a book that I better just take it slow because I didn’t know when I would get my next fix. I read it 32 hours.
So my next fix is sitting in Wal*Mart at the front door wearing that pretty blue cover and frilly font on the cover just tempting me.

After cleaning the closet yesterday I crawled back into bed in tears. Kara handed me a book and said I should lay there and read and not strain my back anymore. She might be a doctor when she grows up. i hope.
“You haven’t read a book in a long time.” She reminds me.

Confessions of Shopaholic. How did I get this book? Oh yeah, my beautiful friend, Lisa gave it to me. I’m totally NOT a shopaholic and couldn’t tell Jacklyn Smith suit from DKNY suit.
I’m just going to read long enough to get my mind off the backpain and then I will get up and start the bathroom.

About 3 chapters in I realize I am screwed. Let me explain. You know the movie, “Meet the Parents”? That movie caused me physical pain to watch. I CAN NOT stand to watch someone go through so much bad stuff. I wanted to jump into the screen and save him from himself or at least punch the dad for being an ass. I know. I KNOW there will be happy ending, but serious anxiety is had by watching that movie. I loved the movie the second time I saw it because I know he’s going to be alright and it works out in the end, but the first time I watched it I felt woozy afterward.
This book is much like that. I found myself HATING this girl for being a shopaholic. I wanted her to go back to her flat and just read or something. I kept reading because now I HAVE to make sure she’s okay.

I finished the book at 2am…and I was smiling like a loon. It worked out. I knew it would. I’m not a big fan of the ‘happy ending’ either, but this was good. It wasn’t a ‘happy ending’ – it was a realistic ending and I love that.

Tomorrow, if the stars (and my back) are aligned perfectly I will go out and buy Harry Potter’s book and like all you that have abandoned your blog for that damn book, I will do the same.

Oh and Tomorrow is Friday and that means STUFF PORTRAIT FRIDAY and this week theme is ‘What’s for dinner?” (check the left hand side of my blog for the items)
Do you know what this means??? Shaun’s making chicken casserole for dinner tonight!!!

Comments (24)  //  Add Comment
20
Jul
bird seeds..
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: ex, kara
I paid Kara to help me clean my closet today. I told her whatever change she finds on the floor is hers. She picked up $3.39, a brand new lip gloss…and my wedding dress from when I married her father.

Years ago she asked me what ever happened to it and I told her I still had it and if she ever wanted to use it, she could. I never let her see it though. Today she found it shoved in the back corner of my closet and wanted to see it. She opened it up in the kitchen and a huge smile spread across her face.

As she pulled it out I noticed how the sequins are now a bit yellowed. It changes the look of the dress. She shook it out and asked me if she could try it on. It was going to be much too big, but I couldn’t deny her request because she was so excited.

She stood there spinning around and modeling it. I noticed that some of the hooks that is holding the train to the dress had come undone. I told her to stop spinning for a moment so I could reattach them. I was transported back to my wedding day. I could see my brides maids gathered around the bottom of my dress trying to hook the tiny straps into the eyehooks. I was laughing telling them to hurry so I could get back out to the reception and one of them saying, “I am messing this up so bad! Half of the eyehooks are in the wrong place!” I told her I didn’t care.
I saw the eyehooks she had messed up today as I was trying to figure out how to attach them back onto the dress. 13 years later.

It’s strange how that dress represented something so huge at the time. Everything was centered around how perfect it had to be, but when the time came I remember thinking, “funny how 3 months ago I had to have THIS dress because it would make the me the perfect bride.”
and 5 minutes before the wedding my brides maids were accidentally ripping a hole in the under fluff and looking at me as if they had accidentally hit my dog.
“It’s okay Carrie. It’s just a dress.”
As I was walking up the 3 steps to get to my groom I got my foot caught in that hole and I tripped a little. I had to stop and get myself unstuck. It didn’t matter though. It didn’t matter that it was dragging all over the place and getting dirty either.

What mattered is I was getting married to the man I really loved. I loved the girls dad. I still do. He’s a retard sometimes, but he has a good heart.

Seeing the dress just reminded me of a really happy moment in my life. I didn’t think that I would ever look back at my wedding and be able to remember a moment with such clarity and be able to label it as ‘happy’.
I’m grateful that I am not so bitter that I can’t enjoy those moments.

Kara took the dress off and put it back in the closet.

There is birdseed on my kitchen floor from 13 years ago.

Comments (45)  //  Add Comment
20
Jul
Chicks cannot hold their smoke, dat’s what it is.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: kara
Kara informed me that she had never seen “The Breakfast Club” last week. I told her that she had seen it and she said, “No…I haven’t.” I told her, “YES you have.” She said. “MOM. I HAVEN’T SEEN IT.” I came back with, “Uh-huh you have.”
Long story short…we argued if she had or had not seen it.

Come to find out…Kara had not seen Breakfast Club, she had seen Sixteen Candles.
I have been remiss in being a good parent that makes sure her daughter sees all the staple movies that all young ‘tweens should see. I had bought her Heathers, Sixteen Candles and Top Gun.
I had forgotten about a few…Adventurers in Babysitting, Orgasmo and Mommy Dearest.

We rushed out to Hollywood Video and rented it today. It’s just SO weird watching The Breakfast Club with my 12 year old daughter. It doesn’t register that I am 33 years old and it’s okay for both of us to drool over Judd Nelson. I think we both said, “He’s so hot.” at the same time and we both got equally as grossed out at each other.

The part in the movie where he asks Claire how well she gets along with her parents, Kara answers him with, “Ahhh, okay.” I was sitting slapping distance away from her and I yelled, “OKAY? JUST OKAY?” She then informed me that we get along sometimes.

We get along sometimes. SOMETIMES? only sometimes?

I grounded her for a week.

Comments (43)  //  Add Comment

30
Jul
the hardest post to ever write.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: friends, Random
yes, this is the hardest post to write. not because i have something difficult to say. just one small … yet huge reason.

the laptop writing and keys are all in italian or something. the settings are all in another language.

NO, i am not on medication.

a friend of ours is in town from italy so my beautiful friend lisa and i came down to visit her, along with 2 of our other friends. it is the best girls weekend ive ever had. im terribly tired right now. my head is pounding. i couldnt sleep. i need some coffee.

my friends husband got up to go sailing and i insisted he hook me up to the internet so i could read my emails. he signed on and wished me luck. i see why now. the buttons, if it isn,t a letter it is some sort of strange symbol. the apostrophy is not where is should be so i can write anything that requires the use of one. i still can not find the backspace. the enter button is this jacked up place. and there are a bunch of these: à ì ò all over the place where they should have the backspace button. this is just out of control weird. ù

I had a blast last night. we played pictionary until 3 am. my face hurts from laughing for so long.

okay, i canàt take it anymore. must get starbucks. must not get lost looking for starbucks.

krìstìnià



Comments (21)  //  Add Comment
29
Jul
The T-shirt Pictures are coming in!!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: friends, Random
I got mine today!!



and CLOBBER got the shirt that Ladybug had Shaun make for her birthday!! Go read her blog, she’s a crack up!



and of course Jessica Rabbit got hers too!! She has a bunch of shirts to show off that she bought, but this one is my favorite. *blush* I didn’t say that outloud did I?



If you have a picture in your Holey Shirt Design t-shirt, send it my way so we can add to the wall of shame!!

Comments (20)  //  Add Comment
29
Jul
Dear Shaun,
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Letters, Shaun
The spiders in the bathroom have banned together. I was taking a shower this morning and I had to fight them off with your handy-dandy razor and some Bath and Body Works body spray. (Cotton Blossom for those of you that care to know the spider killing formula)

I managed to get my hair washed before the clean smelling spiders did some sort of Matrix move and descended from the ceiling.

To say I FLEW out of the shower is an understatement. After I got toweled off and mentally prepared, I went in to talk to the spiders.

They are pissed you took out the trash. They said since you took out the trash they have nothing to lure in food and the ants that use to visit are now working the way to the kitchen and the spiders are lonely.
Honestly, I don’t give a shit about the spider’s feelings and hunger problems. I want them out of the bathroom. They said they aren’t going without a fight.

I’ll make you deal. I promise to never use your razor on my legs (or boobs) if you promise to kill those bastards tonight.

Love,
Your spider hating girlfriend,
Kristine

Comments (21)  //  Add Comment
28
Jul
SPF
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: stuff portrait friday


Welcome to SPF! If you haven’t gone and taken your pictures for this week…hurry up, you still have time!

This Weeks Pictures: Where you sleep

Your Bed
Your Dresser (or drawers)
Your favorite Jammies
I actually went for some extra credit this week. I have been slacking on SPF because I was getting home at 2 am and posting lame pictures. NOT THIS WEEK.




Nope, it’s not all fansy shmansy. Just a tall bed with a bunch a pillows because we fight over them. I do love my bed spread. It’s HUGE.



my side of the bed.



his side of the bed.



looking to the left into our closet



The Fonz gave these to me. I spilled nail glue on them one night and when it hardened the fabric cracked. Everytime I wear them, I pick at the glue.

and last but not least:


my dresser drawers. It’s in my closet. it’s a mess. I’m working on it. QUIT RIDING ME ABOUT THIS MOTHER!

Whoa…flashback.



Look it. We feet cuddle!

Okay did you play this week? Leave me a comment. QUICKLY because I’m actually going to leave the house today. I might not get back until Saturday night, but my faithful SPF commenter Renee will leave a double nice comment for both of us ;)

Have fun!

Comments (58)  //  Add Comment
28
Jul
You know you’re going to have a good day when you wake up in the morning and your PJ’s are on backwards.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
You guys should get an award or something for the positive thinking, prayers and vibes you send. I don’t know what it is. I get totally down and think there is no hope and then you guys just take a second to throw some vibes out there and Viola!
Something always seems to fall in my lap to give me my hope back. Maybe the options were always there, but I never listened. The last time you did it, the problem I had was resolved in LESS than 24 hours. Now I ask and then I sit back and listen real hard.

Angels. all of you.

I’m living the same life that about 90% of you are living. Paycheck to Paycheck. I was doing REALLY good for awhile when Shaun and I were both working. Then for reasons I had to stop working. I’m okay with it right now. I don’t mind.

I was a SAHM for many years and I know the pitfalls to avoid. I have been dancing around them lately though.

These are dangers for me, not for everyone.

I can’t watch soap operas. I did for SO many years. I go as far back as being there to see Luke and Laura get married. I remember when the Salem strangler killed Marlena on Days of Our Lives on Friday and I cried. I cried all weekend. Then on Monday we found out it was her twin sister. If I start watching, I can’t stop. I’m a recovering SOaholic from 8 years ago. I haven’t touched a SO in that long…until last week. I watch a whole episode of General Hospital. I’m still saddened that Brenda and Sonny didn’t work out…then Brenda died when she was with Jax. Did she ever come back from the dead?

I can’t sleep past 9 am. I have a knack for being able to sleep in until 11 or noon. If I wasn’t FORCED to get out of bed, then why should I? None of my Soap started until then anyway.
Now I get up at 8:00. (7 am during the school year) I know it’s not much, but it’s a personal accomplishment for me.

I can’t take naps in the middle of the day. This is just asking for trouble. If I go to sleep at 3 pm for ‘a few minutes’, i’m up ALL night and then I sleep past 8:00 am.

I can’t have a tendency to ‘spend freely’ like my Chinese horoscope says I do. I haven’t been ‘spending freely’, but I haven’t been counting every dime like I know I should. It sounds extreme, but when you’re facing financial disaster you kick yourself in the ass later for not knowing where all your money went when you stopped counting.
By the looks of my checkbook it’s going to Albertson’s for food to feed these brats…and Starbucks.

If I do any of these things above, I get down on myself because i’m OBSESSIVE about them. I don’t just watch a couple of soaps…I watch ALL of them, EVERYDAY. I will take a 3 hour nap. I will spend ALL the money on ‘stuff for the house’.
If I get down on myself…I get depressed.

Looking above it seems like I should be doing pretty good. Watching one soap in years, sleeping in until 11 am one morning or having spent a tad bit too much on coffee. I have just turned one evil in for another.
I’m not getting dressed anymore unless I am being forced to. I’m eating ice cream instead of yogurt. I’m letting anxiety take back over.

But yesterday I asked for help and it was given it. There is something about the act of asking for help sometimes throws you into action. I looked at what I have in front of me and I came up with a plan of action. For those of you that know me, know that the word “Hope” is my most favorite word ever. When I started school one of the counselors asked me what I wanted. I said, “Hope….and freedom.” I want to be free from ‘needing’ someone to get through life. Depending on someone else and not having personal freedom.

I am on a road to getting that now.

Personal Freedom.

I wonder how that will look plastered up on the bathroom mirror?

_________

thank you everyone for all your help!

Don’t forget SPF is tomorrow!!

Comments (29)  //  Add Comment
28
Jul
Happy Birfday
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: friends


I’m going to try to be good and write this so Lisa doesn’t cry. (She always cries when I write something nice about her)

I love you Leesie. You have ALWAYS, always, ALways! been there for me. I wish that everyone had at least one friend like you. I don’t know what I did right in my life for God to let me have you as a friend, but I am grateful.

You have seen me at my best and at my worst. You never judged me. You laughed at me when I needed to be laughed at to remind me that no matter how serious the problem we could still laugh. You held my hand when I cried and made me know that I was safe to be venerable.

I know you don’t ever pick sides, but I know that you always have my back.

I love the sound of your laugh, the way you make your friends laugh, the way you look at me when I say, “You hair looks good!” and you haven’t done anything to it.

You’re one of the greatest people I have ever known.

Happy Birthday, My beautiful friend, Lisa.

Comments (17)  //  Add Comment
27
Jul
F*CK (squared times two)
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


Not going into it, but if you can spare some good vibes my way I will take them and put them in my spare purse and use it all up at the end of the month. Thank you.

DGM asked his readers to delurk for once. Just say HI.

I’m asking the same. LURKERS…come forth and say HELLO.

Comments (87)  //  Add Comment
26
Jul
*Mouth Dropped Open*
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


I was relocating all my bookmarks tonight after a tragic “what the fuck happened to my Firefox browser?” where it just decided it was done being my browser and needed to be reinstalled.
I lost about A MILLION links so if all the sudden I stop coming to your blog and reading you it’s not because i’m a meany, it’s because you no longer exsist to my browser and I can’t find you.

See my links list over there —-> If you’re not on that list, I won’t be able to find you. I was JUST loading all my links into blogrolling last night too. Stupid Firefox…if It wasn’t for your tabs— I wouldn’t be your bitch right now! Leave me a comment so I can re-add you.

SO, back to the reason of this post. I was going through all the people I can remember without them being listed on my blog. Dooce is one of them.
“Ooh look, she posted again…she’s on a roll this week.” THEN I STARTED READING.

“I didn’t have time for marriage what with having to apply for social security and playing bingo every Tuesday night with the ladies from my knitting group. Thank God Jon took pity on me, a saggy-bottomed, wrinkled excuse for a baby-maker.”

Look at the high lighted words. That’s me she’s talking about.

She’s mocking me.

There is only one thing to do…. I’m switching my bingo nights to Monday.

(For those of you that already have your fake hotmail accounts open to send me a hate email, back away from the keyboard. I was joking. Heather doesn’t read this site, it was a complete coincidence…and I was just making a joke)

Comments (51)  //  Add Comment
26
Jul
Updated
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: stuff portrait friday


Stuff Portrait Friday has another ‘theme’. “Where you Sleep”

1. Your Bed
2. Your Dresser (or Drawers -inside/out)
3. Your favorite pair of Jammies

Yes…I am picking this theme because I have spent the last week in my damn bed and in my jammies.
Broken Back Photography portfolio has a million shots taken from my bed. How many pictures of my feet can I take?

The (or drawers) is for those of you brave enough to share the contents of your dresser.

Comments (17)  //  Add Comment
26
Jul
“Kris Keeton – Turn her on and she’ll keep you up all night!”
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: ex, Random


15 years ago:

In 1990 I was driving around with my boyfriend’s sister when these two guys on a motorcycle pulled up next to us. I was obnoxious back then and could open my mouth and say whatever I felt without fear…of anything.

“Hey you wanna race?” Gina was driving a beater Cavalier and these guys were on a Ninja. They beat us off the line. As we pulled up to the next stop light I yelled it again. They took off and then slowed down long enough to tell us to meet them at Carl’s Jr.

When we sat down with them and started talking I noticed the guy that was seated in front of me looked like he was coming off some drugs.

“You looked beat.” I didn’t care if he liked me or not. My boyfriend was a bouncer and I was making some kick ass money training dogs and mooching off my parents.

“He works at the radio station.” His friend pointed out. Ahhh, the wingman. They are so easy to spot. They are there to point out all the really cool things their buddy owns or does for a living.

“You look beat.” I repeated. I didn’t like the wingman. He was too pushy.

The guy smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “I just got off work a couple hours ago.”

I looked at the clock at the wall and noticed it was 10 am. Shit, I was going to be late going to the Mother’s Day fair with my mom if I didn’t get out of there.

“What radio station you work at?”

“B-94″

Okay, i’m now listening. This guy works for my favorite radio station. “Whatcha’ do there?”
There is NO way this guy is a DJ because for one he doesn’t look like a DJ and two…I know all the DJ’s. All right, I didn’t KNOW all the DJ’s, but I listened to that station 24/7 and I know the voices of each one and this guy ISN’T one of them.

“He’s a DJ.” Wingman pipes in.

“What shift?” I don’t want to look to impressed, but inside I am quietly freaking out.

“Midnight to six. I just got off got work.”

I think we talked a little bit after that, but honestly I don’t remember much of the conversation. All I remember thinking was, ‘if I don’t get out to the Mother’s Day thing I was NEVER going to be able to mooch 20 bucks off my mom and be able to go dancing tonight.’

A month later I am sitting on the couch and we had the radio on.
“Gina, that’s the guy on the bike.” I point at the boom box.
“CALL HIM! tell him to play Wilson Phillips!!”
I called the number he repeated about 15 times in one break.
“B-94 FM, this is Danny Marks.”
“Hey Danny, this is Kristine…you met me…”
“at Carl’s Jr.” he finishes. “I’ve been hoping you would call.”
Okay, maybe it’s all the smoking that happened about 15 minutes before the call, but i’m a paranoid freak and that didn’t help.
“You did..are? you’ve been waiting for me to call? for how long?”
Pot. Kills. Braincells. “Will you play Wilson Phillips ‘Hold on’ ?”
He says he will play it for me and he was glad I called. I hung up the phone and looked at Gina. “Dude, you’re calling next time. He’s a tripper.”

I called him again about a week later and he seemed like a pretty cool guy. We started talking once a week and after Gina’s brother and I broke up and I moved back in with my mom I decided I might actually take him up on his offer to go check out the radio station.

I turned 18 that summer and I looked really cool in this black mini-skirt and white top. I didn’t need to impress him. We had talked so much on the phone that I was sure he was really into me. I wore the skirt just in case.

The radio station was my Disneyland. I grew up listening to this station. I was in love with every one of the on air personalities. I wanted to party with Robb O’Brian because he sounded like he would be so much fun…and oh so dreamy looking. I didn’t want to be a DJ…I just wanted to date one.

I did. We dated for awhile and he taught me how to run the board and cut commercials. He would nap and I would run the board and pick the music. I was a DJ assistant. I got to hang out with the DJs.
Oh, and if you’re wondering: 9 out of 10 DJ’s do not look like their voices. It’s just wrong how much they DON’T look like they should.

One Sunday night he handed me the keys to the radio station and told me he was not going to be able to make it to the station in time to start “Rick Dee’s Weekly Top 40″ and all I had to do was cue up the music and take it from there. It wasn’t anything I hadn’t done before. I just usually had him there to help me.

The program director was still there and I made up this crazy story about why I was there to start Rick Dee’s for my ‘boyfriend’.
The program director was sort of prick, but he couldn’t really say anything because not only was Danny Marks the over night DJ, he was also the station engineer. If something broke, from the players to the tower, Danny fixed it. He couldn’t be replaced easily…so he got away with a lot of shit.

I started working there soon after. I was cutting commercials and doing the ‘automated’ programs on Sunday nights and after midnight. Then one night I checked the schedule and I was in the time slot to go ‘on air’…live…me…speak…live..on…radio.

Kris Keeton was born that night. Danny came in with me for encouragement. I already knew how to run the boards and all the other stuff…I just didn’t know the fine art of speaking with the microphone on.

I never did get the hang of it. Each time I turned on the microphone I froze up. I had to read what I was saying from a piece of paper or read a public service announcement. I sucked royally. It got easier, but honestly I hated it.

Danny and I moved in together and about a month later he got fired from the station. They hired some guy to come in once a month to check the players and it saved them hundreds of dollars. I got Danny’s 12-6 am time slot.

I was now working full time at the radio station. Life couldn’t get any better. Then I found out that Danny’s ex girlfriend was pregnant with his child.

We stuck it out through the pregnancy. I was only 18 years old and thought that after the baby was born we would find out that it wasn’t really his and we would live happily ever after.
The baby was his.

My radio career ended soon after that. I was faced with, “Kristine, I’m moving and I want you to come with me. I can’t live here anymore…she’s going to make me crazy.”

I moved from Redding to Sacramento with him. It was horrible. I missed my family and friends. I missed my job and co-workers.
Our first night here I cried. “I want to go home.” He convinced me to give it a week…then a month…

Then I married him. Yes, Danny is the one and only “Dan – The Ex”

Kara is really into radio. She’s just like I was at her age. She knows that her mom and dad were DJ’s. We’ve let her listen to some of our old shows and she laughs. We sounded like such goobers. We aren’t cool like her favorite station DJs. We were though. We were SO cool then.

If you’re a DJ in the Sacramento area and you work for 107.9 The End and in 4 years you meet a girl who is totally hot and impressed by the fact that you’re a DJ…you better ask her name.
If she says, “Kara Stone” YOU BETTER TURN AND RUN BUSTER. I WILL HURT YOU IN SO MANY WAYS IF YOU TRY TO DATE MY DAUGHTER!

What have we learned here today? Pot kills braincells and DJ’s steal your youth.

Be careful out there and thanks for listening.

I’m Kris Keeton and I’m done. Put a fork in me.

Comments (41)  //  Add Comment

08
Aug
Crazy Uncle Peter
Posted By: Random and Odd  //  Category: Random
My friend Bryan is a news man. He has been a newscaster since he was 18 years old. His world revolves around the news. When I went over to his apartment for the first time I shouldn’t have been shocked of the decor, but I was.

He had newspapers STACKED in every single corner. He had Time, Life, OUT! & N&R magazines all over the place.

When he moved in with me we had to set up some guidelines.
1. Pay rent on time.
2. Clean up after yourself.
3. NO NEWSPAPERS STACKED IN THE CORNERS!

He had some guidelines of his own.

1. I must watch the news with him.
2. I will not throw away a newspaper without first asking him.
3. DO NOT TOUCH THE FRAMED PICTURE OF PETER JENNINGS.

Yes. We had a framed picture of Peter Jennings in our living room. Bryan loved him and Peter was a part of ‘family’.

R.I.P. Peter Jennings.

Comments (14)  //  Add Comment
08
Aug
112351537305373651
Posted By: Random and Odd  //  Category: Random


In order for the loan to go through they have to send an appraiser to come out and take pictures of the house. When I heard this my heart leapt from my chest into my throat and tried to claw its way out.

“We’ll take a picture of your front yard, then one of your house from the back yard.”

You could have told me they were going to go through my dresser and take pictures of my granny panties, stand me in front of my peers and give me a oral exam on basic math skills and interview all my ex-boyfriends so they could make a web page detailing how I had ruined their life… AND I WOULD HAVE BEEN LESS FREAKED OUT.

For those long time readers of R & O you will remember this little project I started Waaa-hhhhaaay back called “Project Gett’r Done”. This little project was much like ‘Greenthumb’ in the sense that I would go out in the jungle of my backyard and clean it up and document it with pictures and share with you all my progress.

*crickets*

Yeah, well “Project Gett’r Done” ended up being “Project Really’Dumb” because there was NO way I was going to be able to do this on my own. There was too much to do and REALLY big spiders out there.

This weekend, Shaun & Tyler went out and battled the spiders, weeds, splinters, rocks & baby mice to get the back yard ready for inspection.

I can finally breath now. It’s far from being finished, but so much closer than it was before. I even planted some flowers. They’ll die in a week, but I did my part in making it pretty.

BRING ON THE APPRAISER AND HAND OVER MY CHECK!!

Comments (20)  //  Add Comment
07
Aug
It wasn’t so bad
Posted By: Random and Odd  //  Category: Random


I was so wrong about this baby shower! Yes, I felt a little out of place and shy. I lived though.

Look at me! *twirling around* I survived a baby shower WITHOUT AN ANXIETY ATTACK.

It was Shaun’s Mom, G-mas, Sister and Aunts that made it so easy to be there. The Grandma’s are use to me taking pictures of them now…or they have gotten good at ignoring me while I snap pictures.




There isn’t a cuter pair of G-ma’s out there. I dare you to argue with me. They are both feisty as hell and at that point in their lives where don’t give a rat’s ass what you think.
These two are cuter than puppies. You just want to cuddle them up next to you and take them home.



I couldn’t stop taking pictures of this baby. She was a ball of energy and made the cutest baby noises.
I lost my ‘don’t say baby or cross your legs’ necklace about 3 times on this little one.
“awwww, look at the baby…LOOK AT THIS BABY.” (yes, in the dorky baby voice)
“Hand me your necklace, Kristine”
I kicked ass at the end and won. I think if Shaun’s aunt was feeling better she would have kicked my ass at that game though. I ended up giving her my prize.

Fun was had by all.

On a different note: My sister in law with breast cancer….WAY better, doing TONS AND TONS better than we thought it would turn out.
Thank you again.

Comments (25)  //  Add Comment
05
Aug
Baby Showers VS Open House/Back to School night
Posted By: Random and Odd  //  Category: Random
Baby showers, wedding showers, Open house, Back to School night. They suck.

I know people try REALLY hard to make these events fun and entertaining. I’ve never attended an event that ended in ‘shower’that turned out ‘fun’. Okay, that one time, but i’m not allowed to blog about that. They might get into politics later and THAT isn’t a story I should share.

I have to go to a baby shower tomorrow. This is worse than the Open House back in May. I can’t do stuff like this. I don’t fit in AT ALL. I went to the bridal shower and if it wasn’t for Shaun’s grandma plowing me with wine I probably would have died of an anxiety attack in the middle of her white Berber carpet.
They have those nails that are done up pretty and French. They have hair that hasn’t been in a ponytale for 3 days. They have cute shapes with back tattoos and trendy sandals. They talk about stuff you read in Cosmo or US. They buy things from Pottery Barn & Restoration Hardware.
They probably knew that Brad and Jen broke up. I’m useless in this sort of environment.

If you were to ask me stupid questions like who won the Pulitzer or how to rewire a computer I would be fine. These aren’t things I even talk to my friends in real life about. I just listen or talk about topical stuff. I’m exhausted after the whole event though. When people are talking about Angelina adopting a new baby, i’m thinking about white balance or html coding.

Am I the only person that has a hard time at functions like this? I dread going.

I am going to go though, because Shaun’s mom wants me to go and I will go because she’s the boss of me. In a good way.

Hee Hee, it will be fun to show you what i’m talking about when I say ‘perfect’ hair though. They all have matching hair. They could be in a band!

Comments (38)  //  Add Comment
05
Aug
STF – I obsess over anxiety
Posted By: Random and Odd  //  Category: Random
This week was an anxiety attack waiting to happen. I kept thinking ‘Do I show this? what if it’s too much? What if they think i’m totally freakaristic? (yes, Cat..you can have that word) What if they point and laugh? Then I remembered only Pissy does that and she’s on vacation so I might be okay.

Seriously…this week was hard. So let’s get the big one out of the way.

My Horrible Habit

I bit my fingers and lips. It’s not bordem or a habit. It’s totally stress related. If I am internally freaking out I will bite (or pick) my lips and my fingers. It drive my family nuts and I am SO sorry, I know it totally sucks and I’m horribly embarrassed by it too. I just don’t know how to stop.



Something I obsess over

Dear God, I have so many. I was going to post a picture of the wall. You know how sometimes when you paint and you get a little bit on the ceiling? O.B.S.E.SSSSSSSSS.

I went with this…it’s a personal obsession, and it has bothered me my whole life and I have done EVERYTHING to fix it and it won’t go away.



Do you see it?
no, not the crazy eyebrow hair.
no, not the crazy hair that grows out of the middle of my forehead. Shut up Kathy.
Not the dry skin between my eyebrows.
You see it? I can…it ruins ALL of my pictures. It’s the dark circles. EVERYTHING. to get rid of them. EVERYTHING. I’ve read EVERYTHING. I’ve tried EVERYTHING. nothing works. I’m a dark circle person.
Weird thing is…some people, who are blind as a bat, don’t see it. I do. I look like Bella Lugosi’s lost daughter.

Something that causes anxiety

This is the one I couldn’t decide on. I wanted to get a picture of the dust particles on my dashboard and the tiny crumbs that I can’t get out of the van carpet. I didn’t though. That one is a given to anyone that has ever gotten into a car with me.
This is my secret anxiety…it’s soap scum.
It freaks me the fuck out. I hate it. I have taken the showers off and drug them onto the lawn and scrubbed the living fuck out of them…nothing. I can’t get it off. It causes anxiety because it’s the shower that my guests ending up using because the other shower sucks…and even though I have a ‘devil may care’ attitude about somethings…the place where people shower is a big one for me. I want it clean, yet if I can’t get it as clean as I want…I get freaked out a bit.



I still think the dust on the dashboard causes more hard core freakage though. It’s stupid…i’m not even a clean obsessed person. Far from it. I mean…I had a van that my friends called “Petri Dish” because it was a science project!

WHY these things cause me anxiety, i’ll never know.

Okay…let me have it. If you didn’t play, but want to tell me about your obsessions and anxiety attacks, please feel free. It will make me feel less like a freak right now.

Did you play??

Comments (65)  //  Add Comment
03
Aug
another open letter….
Posted By: Random and Odd  //  Category: Random


Dear Asshole that broke into my house while I slept,

Thank you for not taking my computer. Thank you for not taking my camera. Thank you for leaving the TV’s and my cheap Ross jewelry.

I’m not certain how popular this string of ‘comic break-ins’ are, but I know i’m not the only house you have hit.

You leave a string of frustrated women in your trail. HOW you do it, I don’t know. How you manage to slip in my room, go through my clothes and SHRINK EVERYTHING I OWN, place them back in the drawer as if you were never there…it staggers the imagination.

Why? What do you get out of this? Some sick pleasure out of knowing that I am putting on a pair of pants that were once baggy on me and having to do the jumping zip? You think that’s funny asshole? It’s not. Those were very comfortable Old Navy baggy jeans. THEY SAY BAGGY ON THE LABEL! They are spose to hang and make my waist look sexy, but you’ve ruined that. You must have washed everything in hot. sick bastard.

What am I going to do with all these jeans? I already have a closet full of jeans that you have ruined once before! You replaced EVERY SINGLE pair of size 10 with what CLEARLY must be a size 6. It must have taken a long time to sew in my tags into those very small jeans. jerk.

Go pick on someone else. Leave my clothes alone. STOP SHRINKING MY JEANS YOU BASTARD!

Best of Everything,
Kristine

Comments (59)  //  Add Comment
02
Aug
there is no one else for me…happy birthday honey bunches of oats.
Posted By: Random and Odd  //  Category: Random


I’m not going to get mushy. I’m not going to get mushy. I’m not going to get mushy.

Last year was hard on us. We had so many things that we had to learn about each other. We are still learning how to deal with each other. It’s not perfect. I hope it never is. I love fighting with you. You frustrate the shit out me. You piss me off. You make me want to throw things at your head.

I’m glad though, because if I didn’t care enough to learn how to get through things, I would have kicked your ass to the curb a long time ago.

Baby steps, Dr. Marvin.

I will not get mushy.

Today is your birthday. I got you the clip art program you wanted so you could make more t-shirts. I love that about you. You want stuff like this because you want to be able to make things for my friends. You always think of everyone else first.
“Kristine, do you think Kelly will like this?” and you show me something neat you’ve made for a blogger friend of mine. You have the biggest heart of anyone I have ever known.

You’re now 36, but even more handsome than those cool shots of you in the 80′s (holding back laughter) You’re the most handsomest man. You’re blushing right now huh? I’ll shut up.

Thank you for sharing your life with me and the girls. Thank you for loving me for all that I am. For loving me through the crazy. You didn’t sign on for the bad back and crazy, anxiety ridden freak you end up with half the time. You didn’t sign on to have love notes, birthday cards and shopping lists posted on the internet for hundreds of people to read.
You’re a private person, yet understand that I am an open book and I share just about everything without a second thought.

For all the Random and Odd readers out there. THANK YOU. Thank you for not only coming here everyday to read what drivel I have thrown up here, sending vibes and prayers, for laughing and crying with me, for caring enough to call or email and send me cookies….but for what you have brought to my relationship with Shaun. You know it wasn’t always easy and we almost didn’t make it through the first year. You’ve read and stood by me…us. You have shown us that we like what we have. It’s crazy…but it’s ours.

You’ve supported him when he stepped away from blogging and bought his Cafe Press stuff. That is so flattering and don’t think he takes it for granted. He’s so happy and proud every time he gets a picture of you in a t-shirt or showing him your jugs…er…MUGS. coffee mugs.

Thank you for donating to the Nikon Macro lens fund. I’m not quite there, but i’m closer. Thankful just doesn’t cover it. Blown away every time I get a dollar, 5 dollars…and faint if it’s 10. You all just stagger me with what you all do for other people.

How did we get so lucky?

Well, it’s time to hand him the computer. He’s got over 5 million clip art items to play with.

Any requests?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHAUN!!!!!!!!!
Comments (68)  //  Add Comment
01
Aug
Obsess Much?
Posted By: Random and Odd  //  Category: Random
This upcoming Friday I plan to sit in this chair and get to check ALL the blogs that play ‘Self Portrait Friday’ because this upcoming week we are shining some light on something we keep hidden. No, not your ‘toy chest’. YOUR O.C.D’s.

Your Horrible Habit
Something you obsess over
Something that causes anxiety
I got some great ideas for this week. Thank you for those of you that emailed me and posted idea’s at the Flickr Group site. I am running low on ideas, but I actually got this idea as I was sitting here going through emails and I started chewing on my fingers. I can’t stop. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m going to hit bone soon!

Maybe if we all really just let it out there, we might find someone else has the same problem…and maybe we can get through them.
I just need The Fonz to sit here and slap me every time I put my hand to my mouth.

This Friday might not be pretty, but i’m actually looking forward to it.

Comments (25)  //  Add Comment
01
Aug
They’re Real!!
Posted By: Random and Odd  //  Category: Random
.flickr-photo { border: solid 2px #000000; }.flickr-yourcomment { }.flickr-frame { text-align: left; padding: 3px; }.flickr-caption { font-size: 0.8em; margin-top: 0px; }


Look mom, I have melons!, originally uploaded by randomandodd.
The funny thing is, I had just taken a picture of them setting on the counter and Shaun asked what I was doing. I said, “I’m taking a picture of my melons. It’s not very often you my melons on Random and Odd.”
He said, “You can title it, ‘they’re real’”

Then Kara came out and grabbed them and said, “Mom, check out my melons.”

She’s totally my daughter.

Comments (19)  //  Add Comment
01
Aug
112291735119359207
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: friends

Can you guess what this is?

This weekend was my first ‘girls’ trip with my two girlfriends. About 4 years ago we all went to Reno together, but since I don’t remember anything except getting there and leaving there…it doesn’t count.

Even though this wasn’t a planned trip, we managed to have a lot of fun in a short amount of time.
The best part of the trip for me was sitting around the table and playing a very loud game of Pictionary. My friend Cita and Martz are artists. Dude, Am and I are not so good. We figured if we put Cita and Martz together they would seriously kick our asses, but since we all were too lazy to change chairs we just figured 3 non-artists against 2-very good artists seemed like a fair game.
I don’t think I stopped laughing the whole game. I don’t think I have laughed that hard for that long since the 2002 game of Cranium. This was the game where I had to hum ‘It’s a Small World” and my partner, The Fonz -for 2 minutes yelled out every song and every descriptive except the name of the song I was humming. “it’s a really tiny place.” (I don’t partner with my mother anymore.)

Dude, Am and I were kicking butt the first part of the game and then somewhere in the middle we fell apart. It’s hard to draw and be serious when Dude keeps yelling, “It’s an AMOEBA!” I would just fall into peals of laughter which made them laugh harder.
Then we got the word “PASTE”. How hard could that be? I drew a picture of a “CTRL” button and the letter “V”. Dude is smart and figured it out, but we were chastised for using letters.

I had more fun hanging out then ‘going’ out. I had a great time. I adore Martz and Dude. I am requesting “TEXAS” vibes for them. It would be so cool to have them back in the states.

Martz had to get rid of some…if not all…of the furniture in her house so I ended up with THEE COOLEST desk, coffee & end tables. I was so excited! I went around and licked all the stuff I was going to take with me. I got it home and couldn’t wait to get it out of the van. (props to Morrison the Van for hauling all my new stuff…I love you!)
After it was all in, I looked around the living room and outside of the glaring color contrasts of the browns and my tacky blue couches…it just didn’t work right. SO WE PAINTED THE WALL IN MY HOUSE? Did you hear that? WE PAINTED. THE WALL. THE WALL IS NOW PAINTED. (props to Shaun and Tyler for the hard work getting it done for me)

I LOVE IT. I love my furniture. I keep leaning over and kissing it.
Thank you for a totally awesome weekend with my friends. I had the greatest time.

Now it’s back to beating children.


Newly painted wall and what use to be my old computer desk


The coffee table (kinda dark, sorry)





Comments (25)  //  Add Comment

11
Aug
112375099563454479
Posted By: Random and Odd  //  Category: Random


Look what I got in my email box the other day! I love the colors of this shirt! I’m glad you like it Amy! if you ever need to name something, Amy is your gal. If I ever open up a studio where you come in and I take 500 pictures of you while* sitting my bed or from my computer chair, i’m going to name it Broken Back Photography.
(I tried using the word ‘whilst’, but it sounded stupid coming from me)

I can’t wait to get my iBlog shirt. hint hint Shaun.



Kami got in trouble by her mom for what she wrote on her blog! I would have gotten in trouble for posting a picture of my kids jumping on the bed. It’s probably a good thing her mom doesn’t read my blog huh? I called my mother a witch.
Go read her blog, it’s not bad at all. You stay true to your writing girl, we like it just the way it is.

and on to other things…. I WON AT BINGO! Wednesdays are so much better than Tuesdays!

I can’t even begin to tell you happy I was to have ‘Cita back. I hugged her husband for like 3 solid minutes and made him promise he would never take her out of the country again.

And yes, RSG…we can go to bingo when you’re here. I’m getting so excited. It’s getting closer and closer to the day I drive to the airport and pick you and Pissy Britches up.
You might want to check with KC about my anxiety attacks at airports though.

Random and Odd Record: The most links in a post ever posted by me.

It’s 2:00 am…why am I still up?

Guess what? It’s FRIDAY EVE!!

Comments (11)  //  Add Comment
10
Aug
112371446393401957
Posted By: Random and Odd  //  Category: Random


I called my girlfriend on her cell phone last night. I knew she wasn’t home from Cancun yet, but I had to whine.
After her chirpy voicemail message, “‘Cita…” (By the way, you have to read this in the most horrible whiney voice EVER, ” ‘Cita, I know you’re not home. I know. I know. I know. I need you to be home. I need you to pick up your phone. I’m going crazy. CRA-HAY-HAY-HAY..ZEEEEE.”

She called me this morning. “You okay?”

*the sound of angels singing in harmony*

I burst into tears. “nooooooooooooo.” The sound of my sniffling back the post crying snot probably made her feel so much better to come back home. Home to the crazy.

“Bingo?”

SNIFF. “yeah.” Sniffle.

Now if there were just a way that I could get Shaun to come home early so I can leave by 5 pm.
If there were just a way….

Comments (6)  //  Add Comment
10
Aug
Something Short and Funny….
Posted By: Random and Odd  //  Category: Random
Shaun insisted that I post something funny today. He said I was way too stressed out yesterday. That boy has a keen sense of the obvious.

“Like what?” I asked.
“Don’t care. Something short and funny.”
“So, like…..?”
“Don’t care. Something short and funny.”
“Should I tell them about the dream I had yesterday about my new boyfriend, Vince Vaughn and how we were hanging out with Steven Spielberg at an amusement park?”
“Yeah, you do that.” eyes rolled on that one.
“Can tell that I had a dream that I was dating this one guy and I found out that HE was actually a SHE and I had to decide if I was going to stay with HIM/HER and except that he was actually a she? It was so weird Shaun, it was a big guy, like the guy on Seinfield…Elaine’s boyfriend. THIS guy was HUGE. He had boobs though. He came walking out in a bra. It was horrible.”
He was quiet for a moment.
“Kristine, you have told them you’ve had dreams that contained a magnetic penis, you really can’t shock them anymore. They already know you’re odd.”

Yeah. I guess they do.



This is another picture from the night of Pictionary. What is this?

Comments (33)  //  Add Comment
09
Aug
SPF Ride On….
Posted By: Random and Odd  //  Category: Random
Okay, I need to get out of the pissy mood I am in and just focus on the positive.

SPF – Let’s go Bye-Bye

1. Your Ride: Show us your wheels. What you use to get around. If you don’t want us to see the whole car, van, SUV, (or in my MOTHER’S case…BROOM) then just take a picture of your favorite part of your ride. If you don’t have a vehicle, get creative.
–inspired by Circus Kelly’s pimped out minivan

2. One Mile Away: Drive away from where you live and take a picture. What kind a view would we have if we were in your hood? (The word “hood” inspired by HDL)

3. You’re favorite part of where you live: Show me you’re favorite place. Is it Starbucks, a really cool park? Is it the green grass that lines the sidewalks or the big tall buildings?

I think this is inspired because I WANT TO GET THE HELL OUT OF THIS HOUSE!!

Feel free to copy and paste the above (well except the part where I cuss and insinuate that my mother is a witch THAT PUTS CURSES ON HER FAVORITE DAUGHTER) and put it on your blog. Encourage your readers to play along.

Now I am going to light a big fat doobie and drink a bottle of Merlot. There is no medication that can calm these nerves.

Yes, the room is finished, but I can take no more pictures…I have no fingernails left because I have been clawing my own eyes out.

I might need to switch to Tequila and Crack Cocaine.

Comments (19)  //  Add Comment
09
Aug
and this has been a whole day of this
Posted By: Random and Odd  //  Category: Random
Note to my mother before I finish this off.

Mother,
CURSE YOU AND YOUR STUPID CURSES!
“I hope you have a daughter like you someday.” Those words are ringing in my head right now. Why not just give me a poison apple?
You could have cursed me with, “Damn you Kristine! I hope someday you marry a filthy rich bastard that promptly dies after the marriage leaving you to roll in the money and sleep with good looking pool boys for the rest of your days!”

No, I get this.





and this is what I got after I pulled everything out from under stuff:



and you would think with me going in and taking pictures and freaking out all day…YOU WOULD CLEAN UNDER YOUR DAMN BED!



Comments (12)  //  Add Comment
09
Aug
Restrain me…
Posted By: Random and Odd  //  Category: Random
I took the little ones and Marina with me while I went to the bank & to the store to get stuff for dinner. We were gone for a LONG time. I’m a slow shopper.

The phone rang around 2 pm and Kara gleefully informed me that not only had she cleaned her room, she cleaned the living room AND flip flopped the laundry. My heart swelled with pride.

then….

I got home and unloaded the groceries. She was on the computer playing and I decided I better go check her room.

*deep breath*




You can see the floor. Good right? Well, let’s look a little closer.






2 hours before Shaun gets home. Her ass is so grass. Sucks to be you right now Kara.

Comments (14)  //  Add Comment
09
Aug
Documentation of my Frustration
Posted By: Random and Odd  //  Category: Random
Day 2 of cleaning Kara’s room.
She was over at her friend’s house yesterday and I told her, “Kara…you can stay until 3 pm, but when you get home you HAVE TO CLEAN YOUR ROOM. Don’t come home and be up until midnight ‘cleaning’. Just come home and clean your room. Don’t make me have to yell at you and remind you a hundred times to do it.”
“Okay. Okay mom…Totally. I will come home and clean my room.”

Last night about throttled her. Thank God Shaun was there or CPS would have been called.

This morning she comes bouncing into my bedroom as if all is right in the world. She doesn’t know that she’s walking on the wrong side of Mom right now. I still have this desire to wrap my hands around her neck and shake her until she realizes how serious I am about that damn room and this damn loan.

I get of the computer after blogging about my beautiful sister and there she is, the demon child, sitting on the couch watching television.
I raise my eyebrow and give her the, “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING SITTING ON THE COUCH YOU UNGRATEFUL LITTLE SHITHEAD” look.
“I’m taking a ten minute break.” then she gives me the, “YOU’RE A TOTAL BITCH MOM, GET OUT OF MY FACE.” look.

So today…I give you my proof that SHE TOTALLY DESERVED TO BE THROTTLED UPSIDE THE HEAD pictures.
I’m going to give her until 6 pm. If it’s not done by then…she’s grounded AND wounded!






**** UPDATE****



An hour later….Where is she?



and what is she doing?



Comments (32)  //  Add Comment
09
Aug
No way…
Posted By: Random and Odd  //  Category: Random
.flickr-photo { border: solid 2px #000000; }.flickr-yourcomment { }.flickr-frame { text-align: left; padding: 3px; }.flickr-caption { font-size: 0.8em; margin-top: 0px; }


Paul and his MommaJuly2005, originally uploaded by MomTheFonz.
So I was digging through my mom’s flickr site and I found this picture. It’s a picture of my sister and her son, Paul.

There is no way in hell my sister, the woman picture, dashababy, Sista my Sista…is 46 years old.

Not possible.

Comments (19)  //  Add Comment
09
Aug
112360677845622307
Posted By: Random and Odd  //  Category: Random
It’s Blu’s birthday!! Happy Birthday Blu.

and

uh.

Walking in Memphis guy got shot.

Thanks Late Show for the awesome news updates!

Comments (4)  //  Add Comment
08
Aug
don’t even call anymore. I’m done listening to your shit.
Posted By: Random and Odd  //  Category: Random


I had this cute little post I was working up in my head about Marina asking me if we were going to make lasagna and if we did, would we need Tara Cota Cheese. That post was thrown aside for a bit ‘o ranting.

In my blog I have a ‘category’ (and that is loosely said because we all know Blogger can’t come up with a way to let us have categories because as Greenthumb puts it, ‘Blogger is a Bitch’) where was I? Oh yeah, ‘category’ called “Why she is my best friend” and I use this ‘category’ to highlight why ‘Cita and Lisa fit into it.

Well today I realize I need a new category. “Why you are stupid ass bitch that needs to knock off the ‘poor pity me’ guilt tripping emails and phone calls” It would be a sub category under ‘stupid people suck’….which is a sub category of ‘NOT best friend’.
(yes, it would be hard to find, but well worth the read)

When Dan and I split up I became friends with ‘big sexy’ because she lived in the same apartment complex as I did and had a daughter that was one week older than Kara.
It was nice having a ‘girlfriend’ again, even if she was a bit on the ‘loopy’ side. I could live with it, I needed adult conversation and someone that didn’t judge me for my past. In fact she was perfect because she validated my behavior by telling me that I had good reason for doing what I did. These are things women need to hear when they do something horribly stupid, even if they know it’s not true.

Big Sexy and I were great friends…until I got a boyfriend.

Yes, she’s one of THOSE friends. The one that would bad mouth my boyfriend in front of me and in front of HIM.
“You’re too good for him. How much money does he make? He really should have called you by now, he’s probably out with someone. I dated a guy JUST like him. I can’t stand Leo’s they are so needy.”
I put up with it through 4 boyfriends. They put up with her because she was my friend and I always stuck up for her.
“She was raised with a lot of money. She has a big heart. She doesn’t realize what she’s saying.”
What she didn’t understand is why after a month or so that I would stop coming around with my boyfriend.
As much as I loved her she was a huge strain on every single relationship I was in. Of course this would lead to, “You totally ignore me now that you have a boyfriend.”

It was last year that she got me into a huge argument while I was at work about our daughters.
She had moved into a new house near the school and she wanted Kara to walk her daughter home one day. I didn’t have a problem with this as long as I knew what day it was going to be so I could come up with other arrangements for the younger ones.
She didn’t tell me what day she had picked and I got a phone call from 2 frantic parents wondering why my daughter didn’t show up for their ride home from school.

I called everyone I knew and she was about the 3rd on my list and she said, “Oh yeah, she walked home with my daughter.”
I was pissed. I couldn’t exactly go into WHY I was so mad because I was sitting next to my boss in the middle of putting together a Hazmat Plan. I told her I would talk to her later, but that wasn’t good enough for her. She wanted to know why I was so mad and WHY my daughter had to now go home. When I told her I was at work and wasn’t going to get into it she called me a ‘bitch’. IN FRONT OF MY DAUGHTER. I hung up the phone and took a second to calm down before I went outside with my Marlboro and lit one up. I huffed it down in three long drags and felt my nerves calming.

When I got home I talked to Kara and she told me everything she had said about me while she was there.
1. I’m a bitch. 2. I use my kids as slaves. 3. My other daughter is liar.

I’m sure there were other things said that she didn’t want to tell me. I had heard enough. I told Kara that she wouldn’t be spending time over there any longer. I then sent an email to this now EX friend detailing the exact reasons why I wouldn’t be having my daughter around her anymore, the number one reason being that YOU DON’T TALK SHIT ABOUT ANOTHER PARENT TO THEIR CHILD. It’s the rules.

The next few months were heaven. I didn’t have to listen to her complain about this or that. Complaining is like air for her. She loves to talk about the downfalls that life has served her. No one’s life is worse than hers. Don’t try to even compare your problems to hers.
I should have said something to her like, “Whoa chill out on the ‘pity me’ talk.” but I never could. I just listened. I sympathized. She has had a lot of bad things happen to her. I feel more sorry for her daughter though. She’s like that flower that manages to not only grow through the snow, but blossom into a beautiful flower.

Somewhere down the road I caved in and let my daughter go hang out with her friend. My daughter came home and told me that big sexy said that my daughter’s teacher was a horrible teacher and she was SO glad her daughter didn’t have her. She said that if SHE where her daughter that she would have pulled her out of the class and gotten her a new teacher.
I responded with, “No Kara, she would have gone to the principle and made this horrible stink because her daughter was getting a bad grade and it MUST be the teacher’s fault and not due to the fact that her daughter had been to school in over a month.”
Regret washed over me as I spilled those words out. Kara didn’t need to hear it. I was doing exactly to Kara what I didn’t want my friend doing to her. I shut up and decided that for now on I just need to stick to my guns and make sure she doesn’t go over there.

It’s impossible. She’s friends with my ‘circle’ of friends and she’s going to be a part of our lives as long as her daughter is in the picture.

Last night Kara leaves me a message saying that she is going to her friend’s house and she will be home later. She also said her room was clean. WHICH ISN’T.
I called her at noon and they were all out shopping. I told her that the appraiser is coming this week and I need Kara to be home no later than 3 pm because she needs to clean her room. I stressed that I needed the money because if I didn’t I was going to have to start pimping my ass on the corner of Stanford Ranch & Hwy 65. She said ‘okay, no problem.’
I should have known then that it was going to be a problem. Being on time isn’t exactly one of her best qualities. Actually it’s not a quality she possesses.

I get a phone call at 2:55 pm saying that she couldn’t drive her home because her car was ‘broke down’. Hold on…I have to roll my eyes….Okay. I would have to come get her.

When Kara got home I asked her about this ‘car trouble’/'migraine’/'black sleep’/'throwing up’ problem she gets everytime she has to pick up her daughter from your house or when ever she has to drop someone’s kid off.

My daughter said, “Oh well, yeah…her car was ‘sputtering’.”
I raised my eyebrow and Kara knew I knew it was a crock of bullshit.
“She said, ‘God Kara, your mom didn’t even ASK me if I could drive you home. SHE DEMANDED IT. I don’t like being bossed around like that.”

*clearing throat* OH HELL NO. THE RULES CLEARLY STATE THAT IF ONE PARENT DROPS THE CHILD OFF, THE OTHER PARENT PICKS HER UP…AND VISA VERSA!
Sometimes it calls for the mother/father of the child to do both the dropping of the child and picking up. She KNEW she wasn’t going to bring my daughter home at 3 pm. WHY, WHY…WHY not just say, “If you want her home at 3 pm sharp, then you’re going to have to pick her up.”
Because she wanted to spend the next three hours BADMOUTHING MY PARENTING SKILLS.

I’m sorry, I’m done. DONE. D.O.N.E. No more. I don’t care if she’s in my friend ‘ring’. I don’t care if her daughter is the friggin’ saint Mary, I DON’T DESERVE TO BAD MOUTHED.

*tapping fingers* I hate stupid parents that want to be ‘the cool parent’ by talking trash about someone else’s parenting skills.

Yes. I have vented. I have really gone off. I know she might read this. BRING IT ON.

Comments (32)  //  Add Comment

16
Aug
112421125785507890
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: stuff portrait friday




August 19

Something you made/built yourself (idea from Sharkey)
It will be neat to see the levels of talent out there in blogland. I know you’ll all be impressed with the perfect cubes of ice I can make!
Tools of your hobby
This one scares me a little bit. WHO knows what we will see under this one!
Something you want to get rid of
I call dibs on the ribbiting frog soap dispenser! (oh wait…I already got that! AND I LOVE HIM. no, you can’t have him, don’t even ask!)

I need more suggestions people! Please feel free to use the comment section for suggestions…or just to say hi. OR, you could meet the person of your dreams…or you new bestfriend. or you could just leave a comment. (i need more sleep)

Shaun and I are taking the kids to the state fair today. If I’m not back by 7 pm…call 911.

Comments (23)  //  Add Comment
15
Aug
What you all have to look forward to…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: My Brats

For those mothers and fathers of young children still in diapers and car seats. For those of you that blog of cute stories of how your face is being clawed by sharp little fingernails from hands that haven’t quite gotten down the basic motor skills yet. For those of you that are weepy from the first day of school.

THIS IS WHAT YOU HAVE TO LOOK FORWARD TO!

You get to look forward to eitehr dropping off your daughter at her boyfriend’s house with 4 of her girlfriends. OR you get to come home to 5 giggling girls hanging out on your lawn because your boy has over night went from the dorky kid who ran around th house with a towel for a cape screaming “I AM SUPERMAN” to the actual Superman who is picking up chicks left and right.

I have to go cry now.

Then after I’m done crying I have to go drive all those kids to the pizza place then go pick up the 14 year old boy and his girlfriend so they can go to the pizza place with us.

I HAVE SO MANY KIDS I HAVE TO MAKE TWO TRIPS.

send cookies.

Comments (33)  //  Add Comment
15
Aug
I’m calling dibs on being the 600 lb man!!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: friends, Random


Everyone knows that ‘those people on the internet’ are either serial killers, pedophiles, stalkers, naked college web cam operators or a 600 lb man.

It’s roughly 17 days before I invite two internet strangers into my home for a week.

And I couldn’t be more excited!
With everything I have going on in my world right now, it’s a blessing that I am lucky enough to have Stephanie and Kathryn flying in from different parts of the US to come hang out with me. I am not going to be taking my time with these two awesome women for granted.

They fly in on Thursday night, Sept 1. By the time they get here it will be too late to take them to bingo so I will have to drag them to the bar and plow them with booze so when they get to the house they don’t care they are sleeping on two twin size beds with Bratz, Polly’s and Spongebob posters staring down at them.

That’s all I have so far. I have 17 days to make the best itinerary the internet has ever seen. I do know that the day before they leave will be devoted to me begging them to stay.

I’m always open for suggestions on how to entertain a recovering straight girl and a southern pissy britches. I thought maybe a Maxim magazine and a bag of sunflower seeds, but this is their vacation after all. I might want to put more thought into it.

Comments (25)  //  Add Comment
14
Aug
Go Now…GO!!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: friends, Random
I was reading through my feeds today. Kalki got me hooked on Firefox’s Sage RSS reader and I am wondering how I got through all the blogs I did before I had this lovely plug-in. Heaven.

If you’re wondering why I hardly ever comment anymore. It’s Kalki’s fault. I blame her completely. I’m just sayin’.

ANYWAY, I started reading KimmyK’s post about her 13 year old son.
Now this is some serious stuff this post that everyone needs to go read and comment on. This is a parent with a question that NEEDS some commenting on.

I commented “I plan on showing up where my kids say they are going to be and if they aren’t there, I plan on finding them and making a scene.
I won’t do it everytime, but it will make them think twice about getting in trouble.”

(why do I keep making the word ‘every time’ one word?)

The Fonz would have done this. She DID do this. I would tell her I was going to so-n-so’s house. SHE WOULD CALL. She would call the mother! The Fonz would drive over there and make sure I was there. She would hold the other parents liable. She insisted that if I was going to be with someone, their parents better be as strict as she was.

You know what? It worked.

I may have been the only kid that never used the ‘I’m staying at Michelle’s house. She’s staying at mine.’ story. I was too afraid that The Fonz would have shown up at their house and busted both of us and beat me in front of my friends when she found me.
I admit, I told her I was going to a friends house to stay the night and then went out with that friend later. I got busted. I got grounded. I got the wrath of The Fonz. Lesson learned. Never did it again.

I respect my mom now. I respected her then. She wasn’t my ‘best friend’…she was my parent and I loved that about her. I needed a parent, not a buddy.
Now don’t get me wrong, The Fonz was fun to hang out with. She always made me laugh and I knew I could talk openly to her about things…but I always knew that if I stepped out of line she would catch me and beat me with her rubber slipper.

As for KimmyK’s dilemma…go read and help a fellow blogger out.

Comments (13)  //  Add Comment
13
Aug
Living On A Prayer….
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random, Shaun
Remember the non-existing ‘categories’ I have?
Here’s another…it’s called the ‘help, i’m a music idiot.’

Shaun and I were in the van today going to the flea market. (shut up, it’s not as bad as it sounds) I put on a CD I made and labeled it, “Random and Odd really crappy ass music”
I figure if I label them with things like, “Lame music you won’t like” or “Yuk Barf” the girls won’t steal them out of my car anymore.

“Fire Lake” by Bob Segar came on and I was singing along…having a great ol’ time enjoying my newly made CD when I noticed that Shaun looked like he was going to blow chunks in the driver’s seat.
“S’matter?” I ask.
“Nothin.” He says in his neither here nor there tone.
I know something is wrong, but i’m going to play the guy card on this one and not worry about it for 3 days.
“Who sings this?” I ask him, just to see if he knows. I am mean like that. I play the ‘who sings this’ or ‘what movie is this from’ with the girls all the time. I just know he’s going to look at me and say, “Don’t be an idiot Kristine. It’s Bob Segar.”

and then he says something that makes me want to rethink our whole relationship.

“I don’t know…it’s crap.”

Bob Segar. Fire Lake. Crap. ??? Did I just hear this right? Did he just say Bob Fucking Segar is crap? He did. I couldn’t talk to him for the rest of the ride.

After a couple hours of shopping we come home and I decide there is no way we can co-exist in a car if I have to listen to nothing other than Matchbox 20/Rob Thomas or Sports Talk Radio every time we leave the house as a family.
It’s time to find something we both like. 80′s music. I like Rock…he likes ‘crap’ so we would have to find a happy medium or kill each other.

I start downloading what I like, because I heard on a movie last night that ‘the woman is always right’ and I believe everything I see on TV. I’m right, so I am picking out the music.
He comes in and suggests for this way cool 80′s rock CD i’m making – ZZ Top.
I pick Tush, he picks Legs.
“CLEARLY Tush is the right song.”
“No, Legs. If you’re going to put a ZZ song on there, you have to go with Legs.” He insists.
“It’s too overplayed. Ick.” I defend.
“Whatever.”

Internet, we are going to break up over music. I can just see this happening. He already broke up with me over movies.

Here’s the direction we went…(He kind of was leaning way to the right side of the 80′s and I was SO far on the left towards the 70′s)

AC/DC
Billy Squire
Ted Nugent
Guns and Roses
Motely Crue
Foreigner
Boston
Van Halen
Poison
Great White

I am going to throttle him if he complains when I put Thin Lizzy’s “The Boys are Back in Town” on this CD and delete “Crazy Train” from the hard drive.

Suggest a song for a CD.

The worst thing that can happen is we bond together to laugh at your suggestions.

Or I kill him.

Comments (30)  //  Add Comment
12
Aug
harry
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
i just finished harry potter and the half blood prince.

whoa.

Comments (17)  //  Add Comment
12
Aug
For So Long we have been finding each other FOR SO LONG…
Posted By: Random and Odd  //  Category: Random
I can’t take it any longer. I have had this stupid song stuck in my head for over a month now.
I went and downloaded and I am going to play it until it’s burned into every crack and wrinkle in my brain.

There is truly NOTHING worse than going to sleep with Andy Gibb serenading me with “I Want To Be Your Everything.”
It’s horrible to walking through the grocery store, singing with full high pitched
“If you give a little more than you’re asking for…you love with the keyyyyy. Darlin’ I (and that’s the word that just echos in my head because it’s so high and exaggerated) I just wanna be your everything…”
After the song was downloaded, I turned it on. IT SOUNDS EXACTLY like what is running through my head at all times of the day. My brain has managed to remember every drum, guitar strum and cheesy disco sounding ‘twang’. I swear it’s just as if the Bee Gee’s are having a concert in my head for just me.

I can’t remember simple math, but I can sing you a Bee Gee’s song word for word…WITH harmony and high pitched Andy Gibb vibes.

I , I just want to be your ev’rything
Open up the heaven in your heart and let me be the things you are to me and not some puppet on a string
Oh , if I stay here without you , darling , I will die
I want you laying in the love I have to bring
I’d do anything to be your ev’rything

I even resorted to listening to Salt an Peppa “Wha’tta Man & Shoop” 48 times yesterday hoping those songs would replace this one.

Just so you know:
Andy Gibb is more powerful than Salt and Peppa.

Comments (17)  //  Add Comment
12
Aug
112383155506413030
Posted By: Random and Odd  //  Category: Random
‘
Why do I always wait for the last second to get my shit together? Oh wait, I already mentioned I do that.

Stuff Portrait Friday this week is ‘on the road’. I was excited about this because I love where I live. I didn’t until awhile back when my depression and anxiety decided that I didn’t need to pay attention that little bill that kept coming in the mail that said, ‘mortgage payment’. There is something about getting a phone call and the words ‘forclosure’ to shock your system into action.
It was then, when I was walking around the school my kids go to that I realized that because I was letting myself hide from my problems I was going to lose everything I was taking for granted.

I’m doing better now. Since then I have only been late on my mortgage payment like 4 times (Shut up. I know. bad. i’m horrible. shoot me. I hate anxiety.)

*footnote hiding in the middle* I’m not allowed to ask you to click my Google Adsense link. So don’t go clicking that Adsense link unless you are totally interested in whatever it is showing you. Don’t do it. Don’t click it, cause i’m only about 200 clicks away from that lens.

And I have also added another stress on the pile:

My Ride. Everyone, meet Morrison. My Van.



It doubles for a love seat and purse rack.

One Mile Away:



Coming down into my part of town

The reason I love where I live:


Alyx’s Teacher


Shea’s Teacher


Kara and Marina’s Teacher

Each one of these teachers love their students. We have one of the best schools in California and I wouldn’t give that up for anything.





This is where my friends live. This is where my kid’s friends live. This is where we all live happily ever after.

Happy Friday Everyone. Have a great weekend!!
Comments (65)  //  Add Comment
11
Aug
112378913959969465
Posted By: Random and Odd  //  Category: Random

Shaun is stirring up marital strife in the blogworld!
Comments (19)  //  Add Comment
11
Aug
It’s that time of year again!
Posted By: Random and Odd  //  Category: Random
I love, love, love the middle of August. There are so many reasons to love the middle of August; The kids are a week or so away from going back to school. No Pesky gift buying holidays around the corner. BBQ’s a plenty because the end of summer is nearing.

Those are just icing on the top of the cake for this girl.

It’s almost football season. Pre-season starts in two days. Can you see the goosebumps?

The Fonz & my dad raised me around a lot of stuff that wouldn’t fall in the category of ‘cute’. Football, guns, BMX raising and flannel.
It wasn’t easy trying to fit in. When most girls were reading Teen Bob, I was reading Gun’s and Ammo. Old Navy fleece was replaced with Dad’s double lined flannel shirt. On the weekends you could find my friends at the mall. I was in front of the TV watching football with my family.

Neighbors and friends would come over with beer and hangout for hours. My aunt would call and yell, “DID YOU SEE TERRY BRADSHAW? DID YOU JUST SEE THAT PASS?” and then she would make some ‘neener neener’ sounds. It was the Pittsburgh Steelers against the Oakland Raiders IN THE SNOW games that made my house louder than any house in the whole town. If you weren’t a Raider fan, you were the next logical choice….The Steelers.

Growing up having WAY too much knowledge of football formations and a smack talking mouth didn’t make my dating life easier. You would think I would be a guys dream girl.
Not the case.
I based every guy I dated on how much football knowledge they had…and who their favorite team was. I had a strict rule: No dating 49er Fans & they must be able to tell me who won the Superbowl the year before. You wouldn’t believe how much that narrowed the field here in California.
The more I dated, the more I realized I needed to add a few more rule: No dating Bronco fans. I thought a Raider fan was bad, but the Bronco fan is far more obnoxious. I think they had to talk more smack to make up for the lack of talent. (Oh shit, here it comes….the inner football smack talker. Please forgive me…it happens and I have no control over it)

Shaun came into my life when my football world was being turned upside down. The Raiders were on year two of kicking ass and they were one game away from going to the Superbowl.
When people asked about this guy I had started seeing they would ask what we talked about.
“Football.”
“You mean your phone was busy for 4 hours last night and all you talked about was football?”
“Yeah. We talked about Raider defense. Howard Cossell and Al Davis. He was telling me about if the Raiders signed this new guy that we could change our whole…”
“STOP. Kristine, you mean to tell me that you talked about nothing but football? Do you know anything about this guy? What type of person is he?”
“He’s a fucking football encyclopedia!”

For the last two years I haven’t had to stress about football. I was certain that the football world come crashing if I didn’t have preseason stats.
SHAUN KNOWS THIS. I can just sit back and relax and just enjoy the game now and ask him things like, “What college was he from? What team did he play on last year? Oh, he’s cute…what’s his name?”
He’s also taught me things I didn’t understand about the ‘timing’ of football and why they run certain plays at certain times.
I want to lick him so no one else comes in and steals my little football treasure.

Now it’s right around the corner again and for the first time in the last couple of years I am more interested in checking stats and ‘gearing up’ for the games.

It’s the middle of August that I get ready for Pigskin Pick’em & ESPN Football becomes my homepage.


Comments (16)  //  Add Comment
23
Aug
SPF – No Theme..just get out and take some pictures
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: stuff portrait friday

Shaun suggested that this week, because we are getting the loan, that we should take pictures of something we want.
I thought about it, and decided…since Shaun is a big ol’ poopy head and won’t blog anymore because he’s too busy making T-Shirts for ya’all that I’m not going to take his suggestion. So there.

I am taking Tee’s suggestions & one of Shari’s for this weeks pictures. It’s a ‘gotta get out of the house’ week.

THIS FRIDAY: (and you’re all playing. quit complaining. no more excuses. *raising eyebrow at Suburban Misfit* you hear me?)

The eyesore of the neighborhood
This one will be easy for me. I just need to take a picture of my grass. My neighbor told me (of course she wasn’t the nicest person in the world) that she was moving because the woman next to her was going to *gasp* RENT OUT HER HOUSE! and that since she was selling that maybe if I could please ‘do something’ with my lawn because it has dead spots and needs to be mowed more. She also said, “Yeah, I just can’t take your yard. It’s the eyesore of this whole street.”

Good thing they can’t see my backyard.

a photo taken secretly
I’m not very good at this. I tend to get caught every time. I will do my best though.
Double O Random.

The most interesting/funny sign in your area
This should be good. I love seeing where you all live and the cool things around you.

On Flickr yesterday I found this really cool website I thought some of you might like. You can make your own ‘magazine cover’.
If you make one, let me know so I can go check it out!!

 decd7d26dd6d75bc099a2a4f3472c47b
Comments (12)  //  Add Comment
23
Aug
112481197890151783
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Shaun

, originally uploaded by randomandodd.
My Dad came to go golfing with my ex-husband this past weekend.

Instead of parking at, oh…say my ex-husband’s apartment, he decided to park at my house. without calling me. without even telling me he was coming.

I wasn’t home, I was at Shaun’s G-ma’s surprise BBQ birthday party.

This is the phone call I get at 8 PM.

“Kris, this is dad. My fucking car broke down at your house. I’m going to leave the bastard there. You know someone that can fix it? good. Just have it towed and tell them to call me.”

He left! He left his car at my house! He borrowed my ex’s car and drove home. He didn’t even stay around to say Hi to me or the kids.

So Shaun and I pull up and there it is. My dad’s car. IN MY DRIVEWAY. I’m weird about people parking in my driveway to begin with. I just have this thing, like when Dan and I split and I moved back into the house…I didn’t like him parking on the driveway. It suggested intimacy. The exterminator parked in the driveway once and when I saw it I felt violated.
“Whoa…no where in the contract I signed does it say he could park his bug killin’ car in my driveway.”
As weird as I am about people not parking in the drive way, I am touched by seeing Shaun’s car parked next to mine. It’s like our cars love each other.
Yes, odd. I know.

When we rounded the corner and saw my dad’s car PARKED IN MY DRIVEWAY I was in mid choke when Shaun started laughing at the antenna my dad has mounted to the back of this little Honda.

“Awww, I wonder why he didn’t bring the big antenna?”

I love how he makes me laugh right before I’m about to get pissed.

That antenna is so big I just KNOW my crazy neighbors are going to call the cops on me and say I am breaking some CC&R code.

Comments (15)  //  Add Comment
22
Aug
“define irony…”
Posted By: Random and Odd  //  Category: Random
Every week, MRTL has this thing she calls Motif Monday. She gives us something to write about and I think I have only played it one time before. I think it was by coincidence though.
Today I am playing…even though for most of you, Monday is over.

Honestly this day couldn’t be over soon enough. The sooner THIS day is over I get to take another shower and wash this funk off of me, climb into bed with Alyx and wish Shaun was home so I could bury my head in his shoulder and cry until I fall asleep. Then I could wake up to Tuesday and know that Shaun will be home around oneish and I can pull him into bed with me and let him tell me all the soothing things he knows that will make everything all better.
Yes, this day couldn’t be over soon enough.

This Monday is How To:

In college I was forced to write a 50 page manual on a Multi-boot system (computer mumbo-jumbo) and how to install everything from the ground up.

I will not bore you with that ‘How To’.

My ‘How To’ was something I picked up from all the guys I hung out with. It’s called the “fuck it.” or in polite circles, “Wash”
Guys have this really cool way of having situations in their lives and not taking the drama route. They just say, “Fuck It” or “Wash” and they are done with it.

As a woman, I always had a hard time with this concept because I THOUGHT I was all about things being fair and things being talked out and things turning out all happily ever after and why can’t we all just get alongish.

If a guy gets into a slight fender bender he says ‘fuck it. it’s okay…i’ll just pound it out and it’ll be okay.”
If a guy gets a wound he will look at it and say, ‘whatever’ and go about playing softball and worry about it later.
If a two guys get into an argument about something they usually just say, ‘fuck it’ and then they don’t hang out with that person for awhile (until they forget why they stopped hanging out)

As a woman…I’m not like this. I freak out when I hit the curb, stub a toe or get into a disagreement.
I know i’ll live through it and everything will be fine, but my first response is to freak out and cry. Then talk the shit out of it. Explore every angle of the disagreement. I usually pick a friend that will listen and be able to see everyone’s side of the argument.

You all know when I went through my divorce I lost all my friends. I am not proud of that time, nor do I advise you take that route to rid yourself of every friend you have ever known…except one.
I was forced into learning the guy way of “Fuck it”. I will admit, I was horrible at it. With time you learn to just become numb to the fact that there is no one to talk to.
Where the hell where all of you in 2000? I could have used a friend or two!

Anyway…so here you go: What I learned from my handful of guy friends over the years..how to say “Fuck It” (or “Wash” – as in “it’s a wash..let it go”)

Dry your eyes.
Blow your nose.
Hold your head up.
Deep breath.
Get a pissed off expression.
say, “Fuck it.”
Shrug.
Pretend nothing is wrong while you’re filling out the Emergency Cards to your kids schools and for the love of GOD do not cry when it dawns on you that you have no one to put as your emergency contact so you put your ex-husband and under ‘Relationship’ you have to write ‘Friend’ and realize the horrible irony in it all.
Go to the bathroom.
Dry your eyes.
Blow your nose.
Rinse.
Repeat.

Comments (11)  //  Add Comment
22
Aug
Back To School – Then and Now
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: My Brats, Random


First Day of School… Last Year



First Day of School… This Year

Summer is officially over in the Stone/Baland house. The kids all put on their backpacks and went back to school this morning.
I got up this morning, took a shower, got dressed and took the same picture I took last year.

Tyler of course thought this was just stupid that I would want the same shot I took last year.
“Just stand still and shut up.”
“Do I have to smile?”
“No, just stand there.”
I only took two because their friends were outside getting ready to get walk to school and I didn’t want to use up all my embarrassment points on something like this. I would rather save them up for the good stuff.

It’s only 9:30 am and I have 4 hours before I leave to pick them up.

It’s too quiet.

I can’t fucking believe I MISS THEM. I miss them being all loud and leaving stuff around. I thought I would dance the jig when they went back to school. I surely didn’t believe I would survive the summer! I did though…and NOW I MISS THEM.

Comments (35)  //  Add Comment
21
Aug
112464338148515354
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: ex


I’ve been waking up with this nagging feeling that I need to do something. Yes, I need to make the car payment & find my cell phone….but something more than that.

I wrote this letter to Ryan (my step son) 14 years ago. I told him that I was sorry for the way things went. I had a lot of guilt back then. Maybe if I had not stayed with Dan when I found out his ex-girlfriend was pregnant then he would have gotten back together with her and Ryan would have a full time dad.
I never gave him that letter. In fact, I ripped it up about a year after writing it. I had decided that since we were doing our part (every other weekend) that it was good enough and everything would be fine.

He’s 14 now and I realize he needed more than every other weekend with his dad. It’s so blinding that it makes me want to cry.
I’m older and wiser now and know it’s not my fault, but it doesn’t stop that nagging feeling inside of me.
Ryan was raised by a woman who was jealous in every aspect of her life. She always felt I was going to ‘steal’ Ryan, like I stole Dan away. She’s bitter towards me and that reflects on Dan and his visitation with his son.



This week while I was up in Redding with the girls, Dan was up there working and he stayed with my mom. He was ‘afraid’ to call Ryan while he was up there because he knew that his mom would start calling him 10+ times a day (no exaggeration) to find out where he was, what he was doing and pretty much ‘stalking’ him. He also knew she would tag along if he decided he wanted to do something with Ryan. He waited until I got up there because he knew that if he took Ryan somewhere she wouldn’t want to go if she knew I was there.

This plan of his always backfires. He should know that.

When he called to see if Ryan could go to dinner with us, she invited herself to go. He told her that I was going to be there and she then informed him that Ryan couldn’t go.

I know this isn’t on me. Dan should stand up for his rights and so-on. I won’t make excuses for him. I do understand why he does what he does when it comes to dealing with his son. I know her, what she does when he calls…and ultimately what Ryan has to deal with after the phone is hung up.
It’s easier for him to just say no to visiting his Dad then live with her being bitter, mean and hostile for days after. If he doesn’t go visit his dad he doesn’t have to be interrogated for details of the visit.

That nagging feeling has been with me for a couple of days and I want it to go away.

I want to send him that letter I wrote when he was a year old.

It’s just too late now.

I’m sorry, Ryan.

Comments (15)  //  Add Comment
20
Aug
112455754961705932
Posted By: Random and Odd  //  Category: Random


I made it home from Redding. GEEZ-SUS. If you don’t hear from me in few days it’s because i’m still wading through your emails. 25 of the 100 are begging me to use botox and viagra though.

Kara and Tyler had a blast up in Shingletown. My dad took them out into the woods to do some target shooting. They both did really good. After watching my daughter shoot and how excited she got when she hit her target reminded me of when I was her age.
She reminds me so much of myself. I never thought I would say that, but watching her go into her ‘teens’ is an eye opening experience.
I loved watching her with my dad. He was proud of her fearlessness. He looked at me after she hit her target and said, “She’s a mini-Kristine.”

Yeah Dad, she is.

Shaun and I are going to his grandma’s surprise birthday BBQ today. I don’t know how good of idea this is. She’s not big on surprises. Someone is getting their ass kicked today from that woman.
I’m going to lay low and tell her that I had no part in it and I’m just there to bring her wine and tell her how young she looks.

The house didn’t get remodeled while I was gone, but it was sure nice to come home to Shaun…and my TiVo.

Comments (10)  //  Add Comment
19
Aug
I’m so totally late!!
Posted By: Random and Odd  //  Category: Random


I’m still in Redding. The witch won’t let us leave. She’s promising buying me stuff.

I’ll upload them later when she lets me go.

Until then…Let me know if you played!!

UPDATE: I finally made it home. When I got home my daughter had to get online and check her MySpace and catch up on what was going on. Poor thing had internet withdrawals.

Sorry about the missing of the Stuff Portrait Friday. I am a horrible, horrible host huh?

Something I made/built myself:



I really, really really had a hard time with this one. I’m not exactly ‘crafty’. If I do make something I give it away to the first person who says they like it. On the way home I asked Tyler what I was going to put. He then looked at me and with admiration in his eyes he reminded me, “You made the computer.”
I’m going to be honest though about this one. My computer died during a really critical time when I was auditing cellular sites and I needed my computer to put the information together. I didn’t have time to be re-building my computer. Shaun and I went to Fry’s electronics and I bought all the hardware to put it together and then I made a deal with Dan (my ex) If he came over and put it together I would do his college homework. What would have taken me 5 hours took him 25 minutes. It was a win-win-lose situation. He got an A on his homework, I got my computer in less than hour. BUT, I did build my last computer…that one is in the garage and I am not going out there!

Tools of my Hobby:



I scuba dive. I have all my own gear, except a tank. Someone take me diving please.

Something I want to give away:



I want to get rid of the ‘fat clothes’. I got rid of all of mine when I lost a bunch of weight last year. Oh wait, that was 2 years ago. *sigh* but somehow ‘fat clothes’ seem to just come from the bowels of hell and find their way into my dresser. Oh God, they are so comfortable!!

I want to wear my size 10′s again. I’m 5’9 (and a half) and I should be a size 10. I looked ‘healthy’ then. Now I look like I have been attacked by bees.

This weeks SPF has been a reminder:

1. Dan never would have made it through college without me.
2. I want to go diving. NOW.
3. I’m joining a gym. They have one by my old apartments that I am going to join.

Comments (43)  //  Add Comment
18
Aug
Another Reason Why My Mom is The Fonz
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: The Fonz
I came up to get my hair colored and my girls their hair cut from Dashababy-Mom’s second favorite daughter.

She took me to the store and bought me a ring. It looks just like the one she has. I think she did it so I wouldn’t steal hers from her finger while she slept.

While sitting here reading my comments I notice she has a neat little sticky note pad that says Nicotro Inhaler – Helps Smokers Let Go.

…it’s right next to her pack of Marlboros.

I love her.

Comments (16)  //  Add Comment
17
Aug
Not Toto…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: damn dogs!


and your cute little doggie too!
I was sitting on the couch taking pictures of Kara watching “Pimp My Ride” when I noticed Mooshu (her dog) was sitting on the edge of the couch staring at the fireplace with this look on her face.

She sat there with THAT look for a solid 5 minutes…just staring at the fireplace. I thought for a moment, ‘yeah, that’s surely Kara’s dog. Only her animal could stare into space for long durations of time.’ Then she jumped off the couch and went and sat in front of the empty fireplace.
“Weird Dog.” I mumbled while I shot pictures for the next couple of minutes. Then I heard something behind me.

She was growling at the empty fireplace.

“Mooshu!” Tyler yelled “Knock it off, you know that freaks me out!”

Tyler then explained that Mooshu has been running over to the fireplace and barking once or twice or just growling at it as she passes it.

We realized there is a mouse back there somewhere running around.

It was kinda cool for awhile…thinking our dog could see ‘fireplace ghosts’.

Comments (31)  //  Add Comment
16
Aug
We Made It Home!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random

We made it home. Can you hear me crying in pain?

I say it every year, but this year I mean it.

NO MORE TRIPS TO THE FAIR.

Someone remind me of this next year.

please.

Going to overdose on asprin now.

Comments (23)  //  Add Comment

30
Aug
*spell check ate that last sentence to hell
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
So it’s like 48 something hours before Pissy & Recovering Straight girl fly in. If I were smart I would probably be trying to hide the dead bodies of ex boyfriends I have hidden in the garage. I might want to make sure I put up enough plastic to hide the lights coming out from under the closets where I have my pot plants growing. You just KNOW that Recovering Straight girl will be checking my closets.

I’m not. I’m sitting on the couch with a bag of Cheez-it’s and sugar free peach tea watching “Will and Grace.”

Pathetic, I know…but true.

There is more things I need to do outside of hiding my porn video making studio, moonshine making kit & arsenal of guns.

I need to clean too.

Pissy emailed me in a frenzy earlier. It’s weird how you can HEAR her frantic accent even through emails.
She was worried about coming to see me and not hearing from me so I called her.

Just for the record; I realize after 4 days with Pissy I will be sporting a really tacky TN accent. If after being on the phone with her for 15 minutes today I went to pick up the girls and hollered from the car, “Ya’ALL get movin’, it’s hotter’n hell in this damn car!”

Comments (29)  //  Add Comment
29
Aug
Primo Weed
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: ex, kara


It has come to my attention that a certain ex-husband of mine is reading my blog.
Don’t freak out, I don’t care if he reads my blog. He’s a dorky dork-wad nerdlinger booger nose. See, I can say things about him because he knows they are true.
He also knows he can withhold the child support and throw me into financial ruin so I can’t say anything too mean.

It has also come to my attention that my step son is subscribed to my blog and probably has been reading it for quite some time. If so, Hello Ryan. I love you kiddo…I hope you know that. I have always loved you and I always will, no matter if your dad, the dorky dork-wad nerdlinger booger nose, are together or not. You’ll always, always, always be my step son and I will always think of you as my step son. always. forever. get over it, you’re stuck with me.

It has also come to my attention that my beautiful friend Lisa’s daughter is reading my blog. I guess I will have to stop talking about boob hair and certain things that happen when the kids are not here. I won’t be able to talk about the wild and crazy parties we have and how when the kids are at their other parents house we take quick trips to Disneyland, eat nothing but cake for dinner and how we get jugglers and bouncy rooms in the front yard just so we can play for hours and hours. I guess I am going to have to stop writing about things that make me *wiggle eyebrows*

It has ALSO come to my attention that my daughter is quite addicted to reading a certain blog that totes the tagline FUCK FUCKING FUCKER on the top of her masthead. Yes, my daughter is not too happy that I am sending her to her fathers while Pissy Britches is here.
AND I QUOTE:
“MOM, I wanna meet Pissy Britches and RSG!”
“You will, you’re not going to be hanging around the whole time though.”
“Is it because she cusses all the time?”
“Shut the fuck up Kara.”
*12 year old laughter* “Yeah, I didn’t think so.”
“No, it’s not that. You’re a fun-stopper honey. I love you, but you’re a fun-stopper.”
I think if she could have cussed and gotten away with not getting slapped in the back of the head she would have tried it.

It has ALSO been brought to my attention that I forgot to mention that STUFF PORTRAIT FRIDAY will be pushed over to Renee’s blog this Friday. She is babysitting it for me for one week while I am in a drunken stooper and in a brownie and zucchini bread induced coma.

and last but not least. I have to get off the computer or Shaun is going to kick my ass into next week.

Comments (16)  //  Add Comment
29
Aug
Everyone Loves “BEFORE AND AFTER” pictures
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random






Can you just see how much more relaxed I am right now?

A few months back I was reading Project Greenthumb and I was so motivated to clean up my backyard. Well, that lasted 5 seconds. Then Strizzay was taking pictures of her backyard and I thought I would do that too, but I did super close up on the weeds and made it look artistic. Then I decided to buck up and be honest and I took those before pictures. Strizzay, I think I might be able to quote this right, said: “Get off your ass and clean that shit up!”

Well, it’s taken awhile, but it’s on phase 1 of “Project Gett’r Done”. It’s not even close to being anywhere in the same neighborhood of being done, but look how far we’ve come!

Now when Pissy Britches and Recovering Straight Girl get here in FOUR days, I can invite them into my backyard and know when we come back in they won’t be covered in foxtails and bitten by some crazy backyard animal or bug.

I love you Shaun & Tyler. Thank you for making me so much more relaxed and less stressed out.



Comments (28)  //  Add Comment
28
Aug
Don’t hate me, blame it on Kalki…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random

Now that I have found my new boyfriend, Sage-the Firefox RSS reader…I don’t add blogs to my blog anymore. I just tell Sage and he adds them to my list and I get to read them all in one spot.

I heart Sage.

One of the cool things about him…when Fubuki (my favorite Flickr photographer and all around cool ass guy) uploads a new picture, Sage tells me and I can see them all on one page.

Sage hearts me too.

I will eventually have to add more blogs. I know this.

If the internet had a lazy man contest. I would win.

hands down.

send me cookies.

Comments (21)  //  Add Comment
26
Aug
112506586035010772
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: stuff portrait friday


This week:

August 26

The eyesore of the neighborhood
I would like to think it’s my neighbors next door. These people are so mean. They call the cops on you if your hedges are too high. Just a bunch of pricks. This is of course what we call them around here.
“Did you hear the Pricks are going out of town?”
Once I was talking about them and for the life of me I couldn’t remember their real first & last names. We have been calling them The Pricks for so long.
And no, i’m not one of those people that talk nice to their faces and then hate them behind their backs. After 3 years of them picking on me and calling the cops everytime I forgot to bring my trash down, I totally ignore them. We could be standing in the same street and I won’t talk to them.
BUT…to be fair: I’m not the best neighbor either. I was a single mom for so many years and the last thing I was concerned about was ‘lawn care’.
So, I give to you: The Neighborhood Eyesore: My little tree in the front yard.


We can’t keep the wood things up or the weeds out.

a photo taken secretly


The most interesting/funny sign in your area


Bad Ass Coffee.

I tried it…it’s not THAT good.

Anyone else play?

Comments (43)  //  Add Comment
25
Aug
112498897844165203
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Dashababy


It’s not the fact that my sister, who looks younger than I do…and is WAY hotter than I am, is going to be a grandma that I am writing this.

Back about 5 years ago my sister, mom and I decided we needed to go to Las Vegas. My sister was turning 40ish and my mom had never been on a big plane.
My mom has been saying that she’s going to die soon since she turned 38.
“I better go now, because you never know…I might die soon.” or “I don’t think I am going to make it much longer.”
Internet, don’t say anything to her…but I think she is a touch dramatic.

When we decided to go to Las Vegas it was for many reasons. My mother is a gambling whore. I am my mother’s daughter. And my sister…

Okay, my sister is the coolest person I know. She listens to Pantera. She blares Limp Bizkit on the way to work. She can dance better than JLo. She can sing any Motown song ever made. She rocks out to things from Salt & Pepa to Eminem. She is truly the coolest person you’ll ever meet.

The real reason we picked Las Vegas: Kathy has a life long dream of seeing David Cassidy in concert.

Pick your jaws up off the damn keyboard my fellow bloggers. I know, it is a shock. It has been a family secret for years, but she admitted it today on Pissy Britches blog. I figured it was okay to talk about it.

It’s not good to keep this kind of stuff bottled up.

So what are you all hiding?

Comments (34)  //  Add Comment
25
Aug
I’m PREGNANT!!!!!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Dashababy
Okay, I’m not pregnant…but my nephew is!! Okay, Okay…his fiance is.

Go give my sister…the soon to be GRANDMA some love.

Comments (9)  //  Add Comment
24
Aug
I know I have mentioned that I am mean ass bitch
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: ex
My ex-husband called to talk today.
He didn’t have anything important to tell me, he just felt like chatting.

He doesn’t have a lot of friends and I think I might be his only real friend out there so I put up with his rambling stories about work and people at school. I was doodling a picture of a field of flowers and by the time he was done with his story about the rattlesnakes at this one cellular site he was working on, the doodle had turned into something Monet would have been proud of.

I was listening. Honestly I was. “Rattlesnakes huh?”
“Yeah, I thought it was bigger than it was, but after I looked at it….”
I started imagining all the things I had to do today. I need to call the tow truck company and get my dad’s car out of the driveway…focus on the conversation, Kristine.
“So Robert was SO freaked out that he wouldn’t even walk out to his truck. He doesn’t like rattlesnakes at all. I just thought was funny as hell.”

and then for some reason I said, “Did you start quacking?”
“Excuse me?”
I repeat, “Did you start quacking…like a duck?”
“Why would I quack like a duck, Kristine?”
I don’t know where I come up with this shit, really I don’t. I think it might have heard it when I was little and believed it. “Snakes don’t like ducks. If you quack they will turn around and slither off.”
“Hmmm, I had never heard that before.”
In my best Cliff Clavin tone I say, “Yep, common knowledge there Danny-boy. Snakes don’t like ducks.”

Now i’m sitting here with this evil grin on my face, imagining my ex husband and his 3 employees walking around the cellular site….quacking.

Comments (29)  //  Add Comment
24
Aug
Mom said I would forget my head if it wasn’t attached.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


Things are finally falling into place in my life. I think I might be able to breath on my own again soon.

The paperwork that I have been waiting for came in and now I’m just waiting on the phone call that says, “Come sign these papers and pick up the check.”

I’ve had my house for ten years and when everyone else around me was refi’ing and getting cash out…I didn’t. The thought of paying TWO mortgages or jacking up my payments just freaked me out.
I’m so glad I was a totally sissy-la-la about it, because now I need it and it’s there.

It’s almost “Blog This 2005″ !! For those of you that don’t know what BT05 is, let me explain.
It’s a convention minus the big building and name tags….and groups of people there to learn stuff.
3 bloggers, bottle of Captain Morgan & carton of Marlboros. That’s it.
This year it’s only three people, but who knows what next year will bring…or where it will be.
I do have SOME bad news about the first day of BT05. I will be picking you up from the airport after I have spent 2 hours at a junior high for Open House.
I might have a little road rage and be dressed up all dorky, like in a polo shirt and khaki pants. I might look like a Target employee. I might have a gun and I might have killed some people.
Just so you know.

For those of you thinking about having 5 children in the future: One loaf of bread every other day. Case of toilet paper every week. If they decide to buy lunch – 2.25 per kid, per day.
3 teen/pre-teen’s WHINING about needing a cell phone. 5 kids- new school clothes. Sorting socks for 5 kids. Bacon…lots of bacon.

I’m not even going to tell you about how much wine and anxiety pills it takes to calm me down after one talks back.

I promise to pull it all together and write something worthy of you all coming over and reading. I miss really ‘writing’. I miss taking pictures. I miss not losing my hair.

You guys keep coming here again for what?

Comments (20)  //  Add Comment

31
Aug
My Dad, The Human Crash Test Dummy
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


When I was younger my dad got drunk and drove off a cliff and almost died.

Sorry, probably should have given you all some sort of warning to that huh? Well, it was shocking to me too, but the thing is…I hardly remember it.

I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately and I brought it up to my dad while on the phone with him. I asked him what he was doing driving around where he was and he just laughed and said, “I was drunk.”

Like I said, I don’t remember the details. I just remember the feelings surrounding it. My mom was angry. I was angry.
He had made a bet to me about something and he owed a few dollars because I won and because, ‘your dad’s in the hospital’ I wasn’t going to get my money. I was angry because he wasn’t going to be able to pay me back.

They wired his broken jaw in 4 different places and told him if he drank, got drunk and vomited he would choke and die.
My dad was forced to quit drinking until the jaw was healed.

I don’t remember what my dad was like before he came home. All I remember is him AFTER he came home. This might have been the best blessing that the Lord has ever gave me. I couldn’t remember the time when he was a drunk.
When my dad’s jaw was wired closed was the best time I ever had with my dad. What I remember most was his eyes. They were so shiny and alive. He couldn’t talk, but when he smiled he did it with his eyes and he seemed to actually be listening to me when I talked to him.

As the time neared for him to get to those wonderful things out of his mouth that would allow him to talk again, I must have started to get scared.
My dad was writing a lot at the time. He carried around a blue notebook and seemed to be always writing something in it.
I found that book years later in a pile of papers. He wrote something like this:

“My daughter came in to the bedroom tonight crying. I gathered her up in my arms and I asked her what was wrong. Through her tears she said, ‘I had a nightmare that you started drinking again.’ She didn’t say she had a ‘dream’, she said she had a ‘nightmare’. I didn’t realize how bad my drinking had gotten until I heard those words.”

I began to cry when I read those words because even though I don’t remember actual things that happened…I remember the ‘feeling’ of that part of our lives.
When I talk about my childhood, it was good. I had a big swing next to my house, a huge field to play in, brothers and a sister to play with, a best friend that would rollerskate with me and I was happy.
Why was I crying and feeling depressed when I read the words and was ‘feeling’ those times again? I was a happy, little girl.

I guess because underneath it all it wasn’t good until after my parents stopped drinking. It’s weird how liquid can change someone’s life. For some it’s a powdery substance. For some it’s just a plant. For others…just yelling. These are such small things, but after it was taken out of our house I suddenly had a dad that wanted to listen to me. I had a mom that began to love life. The house wasn’t as loud anymore. I began to breath and not be so scared.

There are questions I want to ask about that time, but then again I just want to leave it alone. I don’t need to know. The things I need to learn from that time are already instilled in my life. I think these are the things my mom and dad would have wanted all of us to learn from their mistakes.

My dad plowing into a tree as he flew off a cliff saved all our lives. He hasn’t drank in almost 24 years. For my mom, it’s been 23 years.

Comments (34)  //  Add Comment