2006: July - September

05
Jul
America, HE HAS TALENT!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random

Shaun stayed home tonight while I got my pre-wedding pedicure (Thank you, ‘Cita) and then spent the last hours of the night finishing up the wedding favors.
He spends his quiet time playing with our photos and his Photo Impact program. I came home to a bunch of new ones that he had uploaded to our Flickr

account.

You all really want me to be stressing over SPF the night before my wedding? Do you realize how many times I forget to SPF on a normal-not-getting-

married-the-next-day Day?
Alright, you guys are hard asses!

1. Your Love (show us some love)
2. Take us on a Honeymoon! (bring us somewhere with your pictures)
3. Something Blue (No sad faces before my wedding!)

I want to also take a second to say THANK YOU for all your support, your well wishes and all the Amazon boxes that are in my living room as I type!

Catheroo and SuzieQ sent some COOL stuff that I will be showing off next week when I get home from a relaxing weekend somewhere near water and my

husband.
Big Heavy really wants me to learn how to bake so I will have to show you all the neat things I will be burning.
Thank you Charlotte and Sue for the online bridal shower. I’m afraid to ask for a Bachlorette party.
EVERYONE..I know I am forgetting people and I am sorry, I am OFFICIALLY brain dead. Thank you SO much.

As if we are knee deep in all kinds of stuff ( wedding, repairing my van that someone that will rot in hell for running into me and then driving off, raising kids,

dentist appointments and still finding time for stressing out) we finally finished our photography web site.
Click Here to check it out.

I love you all!

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04
Jul
Freedom…at Last.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


I instantly woke up this morning thinking about the beginning of my relationship with Shaun.

The times I would sleep over at his apartment, I would sneak out early the next morning. I would grab my things and get dressed in the living room as not to

wake him up. Knowing what I know now about his sleeping habits I could have gotten dressed on his bed while singing Christina Aguilera’s version of “At

Last” and he wouldn’t have woke up.

I couldn’t imagine what it would be like to be there when he woke up. What if he woke up before me and thought, “What the hell?” or “Damn, I wish she wasn’t

here.”
I blame this on my brothers and really bad movies i’ve seen with guys that are assholes.
So instead of getting the extra three hours of sleep, I would sneak out and drive home. Looking back, I kind of see how pathetic this was, but as it was

happening I felt more impowered by getting the hell out.

He would always ask me what time I left, but never seemed too concerned about why I left. This didn’t bother me either. We had a nice little system going and I

wasn’t going to ruin it by sticking around in the morning and ruining our relationship. It all hinged on me being out of that apartment before he woke up.

I was wrong, because we ended up breaking up. My next relationship didn’t have an apartment and I found him at MY house in the mornings. I would look

over in the morning and think, “Why are you still here? Don’t you know the rules. GET OUT.” I probably told him that few times and he probably thought I was

being cute.

When Shaun and I got back together 6 months later, things were different between us. He really seemed to be into me this go around. He had a look of

gratitude and appreciation that I was around. He smiled and LOOKED at me more.
It creeped me out because I wasn’t use to THIS Shaun. I was use to the ‘devil may care’ guy I dated the last time.

After a date we were hanging out at his place when he asked me if I was going to stay over instead of driving home. I agreed and then he said something that

scared the crap out of me. “And in the morning when we wake up, we can go do something.” There was a loophole for me, I could find if I thought hard

enough…I could leave and then come back later when it was time to go…and he must have saw me thinking because he added, “and no sneaking out. I want

to wake up with you. okay? promise?” There was no loophole I could find. I was going to wake up with this guy and we would find out what our relationship

was going to be like for reals.
I think I woke up about 76 times through the night and knew I couldn’t leave. I must have worried myself so much that I slept in and we woke up at 10 in the

morning. He smiled and we cuddled and then he said something that would make me love him for the rest of my life. “Want me to go get you a coffee from

Starbucks?”
It made me wish I had all those ‘snuck out’ mornings back.
I woke up this morning and he was laying there like he has been for the last couple of years and I looked at him thinking, “This is the guy I’m going to wake

up to for the rest of my life.”
I played with the freshly cut hair and looked for a couple of hairs that might be changing color. I rubbed his back and tickled his feet with mine. I wanted him

to wake up and tell him what I was thinking. Over the years I found out one thing about Shaun, you can set off firecrackers under the bed and he won’t fully

wake up.
So instead I came over to the computer and started writing. The computer is on his side of the bed and i’m right at face level with him while he’s sleeping.
Looking over at him while I remember and write, I’m smiling and he wakes up with a scowl on his face.

“hi honey.” I say sweetly.

“I think i’m going to throw up.”

Not as romantic as, ‘Let’s get you some coffee’…but I think i’ll keep him.

Happy 4th of July Everyone!!

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03
Jul
Throwing up….
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


Tyler got us all sick.

Well, not ALL of us. Just Marina, Shea and Me. Looks like Alyx, Kara and Shaun are okay.

Yes, i’m sick 5 days before the wedding. Shaun came home from work and he’s kicking me off the internet, put on a movie and is insisting I rest.

He bought the movie Corpes Bride. Think he’s trying to tell me something?

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02
Jul
my face was pulled off…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


My sister, Dashababy, decided I needed a facial before my wedding. I’ve never had my eyebrows plucked out of my head and it proved to be almost as painful

as the birth of my first child. I had also never had a facial. In fact, i’m telling the whole internet right now that I don’t really wash my face. I get in the shower,

wash my hair, brush my teeth, inspect for boob hair, use my Bath and Body Works smell good stuff…get out. I wear make up and I never wash it off before I

go to bed. I get up looking like Gene Simmons after an all nighter.

The facial was actually a ‘facial peel’. I have heard of people having this done, but those people live in Hollywood and have people who know people. I don’t

know people. MY SISTER KNOWS SOME PEOPLE, and she hooked her little sister up with a facial peel.

“So, what does it do?” I ask on the ride over to the people she knows.
“It takes off about 8 layers of skin.”
I think about this for a moment. I wait for her laughter. Nothing.
“Kath, will I have to get another tan? I mean, will it like peel my tan off my face?”
“Possibly. You shouldn’t be in the sun for 24 hours afterward though.”

I wasn’t scared too much, because have you seen my sister? She’s Hawt and she gets these ever so often.
The woman that does her facials was a sweetheart. She told me the dark circles under my eyes might be from eating carbs and I didn’t correct her and tell her

it’s because I stay up until 4 am watching episodes of Twilight Zone. As punishment for never washing my face with stuff that would protect me from the evils

of life…she pulled my face off.
She kept asking me, ‘tingling yet?’…I would say, ‘noooo’. About 3 minutes into it, I could feel that she had put sand on my face with the stuff she was rubbing

in there. She told me, ‘That is your skin’.

After the whole thing was over I was hoping to look in the mirror and see the milky white face of Nicole Kidman staring back at me, but it was just me. I was all

shiney.
The next day, my face was still shiny and I have been using the stuff my sister has called, “GOLD IN A LITTLE SAMPLE PACKET….USE IT SPARINGLY”.

Today we went out to take pictures of whatever we found and Shaun thought I looked funny all hunched over taking a picture of a leaf that was floating in

puddle. I heard the sound of his crunching feet coming towards me and I looked up. He caught the picture I put above. I like this picture because I look even!

I mean…I glow without skin on my face!!

Thank you, Sisser Ween! I love you so very much!

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01
Jul
One Week…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: The Fonz, Wedding


I came home to a younger looking Shaun! He looked so refreshed. I think the 4 days without screaming and giggling girls might have given him that rested

look.
Out of spite, I let the girls invite a couple of loud girlfriends over and they giggled until 3 am. He’s looking haggard again and all is right in the world.

We are down to ONE week.

You all freaking out? I am. I got a letter in the mail. I am OFFICIALLY DIVORCED!
I’m also divorced, engaged and getting married all in ONE WEEK.

When I got home I had boxes from Amazon. Big Heavy had sent me some cooking dishes. You know what this means right? Yep, I need to learn how to cook!
I also came home to a nice ‘prayer shawl’ that I had admired on MrsDof’s website a long time ago. It’s blue. I am blessed. Thank you so very much!

My online bridal shower was so much fun. We have decided that we need to all get together and do that more often. If we can’t meet in person, we will at least

get together in a chat room and talk about sex and other things that made Nilbo’s ears tingle.

Mom and sister were fantastic. I asked Kathy if I should get my eyebrows waxed and she said I just needed a few strays plucked. We laughed so hard as she

plucked out my virgin eyebrow hairs. I had never in my life had a eyebrow wax or even had to pluck so this was an interesting experience. I would make it

through 5 plucks before I would scream, “KELLY CLARKSON!”

My sister in law, Terrie is out of this world with a sewing machine. She fixed the girls dresses in the bust area. My girls are bustless and the dresses we go had

some room in there that we needed removed. She made the flower girl baskets. WONDERFUL woman that I need to give a huge thank you card to!

Now all we need to do is go through the walk through and pick the music.

….and not faint before I make it to the alter.

ONE WEEK. Holy crap. ONE WEEK and I get to be Mrs. Kristine Baland.

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17
Jul
Yes, this is Random and Odd
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
I’m finally going through the honeymoon pictures *bow chicka bow-bow* and slowly uploading them.  I also decided that I have a newness about me.  If you

rub me, I might even squeak!  I am that new!  and a part of the new me with the new last name comes new promises to myself that I want to keep.  There is a

lot of hope just for me, and i’m going to claim some of it.
and on that note, guess who has your SPF assignment ready for you on MONDAY!? me.
July 21st – Takin’ Names and Makin’ wishes

Stuff Unnoticed

Your Wish

Stuff Under your sink

This is how this week works.
Your ‘stuff unnoticed’ is something you have that goes unnoticed even though it’s right there for the world to see.  Or is it? Maybe it’s unnoticed because it’s

a secret.  You decide.

Your wish. I have a huge wish that I want to make for ‘my stuff’.  Last week Tyler and Shaun replaced my door knob on the front door and PAINTED IT! It looks

so good!! That is just ONE of my wishes coming true.  Show me yours!

Under your sink.  Yeah, that’s some nasty ass crap going on under there.  Let’s see what you have crammed in there!

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16
Jul
Claiming my lost cell phone at Costco
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
“Hurry. They are going to close soon.”
“Kristine, they JUST closed. Look at all the cars.”
“Oh, okay good. I get to gettttt myyyyy ppppphonnnnneeeee.”
“It looks like the Entrance door is closed…”
“That’s okay, i’ll just go through the ‘i’m just leavin‘ door.”
“….that or, ‘The Exit’ works too.”

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13
Jul
SPF: Your Feet
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


I’m not a big fan of my finger-like toes. Shaun says I can braid hair with my toes. He’s right.

I decided to do this weeks SPF in Andy Warhol syle because it was one of the questions in tonight’s Cranuim game we played for Family Night.

We had teams tonight and Team Better Than Them beat Team We Can’t Ever Beat Them Because Kristine Is On Their Side, Why Don’t They Have More Math or

Spelling Questions So She Will Lose?

Way to go to my team: Marina-Girl Sculpting Quickly, Kara-She Who Acts Too Much and Alyx-Hums like the wind. We kicked bootie.

Okay, who else played? SPF, not Cranium for family night.

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13
Jul
EXCUSE ME?
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
An India Arie CD came out and NO ONE told me?

You all know I am musicially moronic and need all the help I can get.
Did I miss anything else that I should know about?

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13
Jul
getting back to normal.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
I’ve said it before and I will say it again. I have theeeeeeeee best readers in all of the internets!
Thank you for your nice, kind words.  Not one of you said, “Yeah, your arms look like a linebackers!”

I want to say life is back to normal again, but it’s not.  We’ve got that ‘after wedding’ stuff that is cluttering every single room in my house.

We decided to use the Bed, Bath and Beyond cards on organizing our pantry.  Because of Big Heavy and Kami…I am now forced to cook AND bake.  I also

have to toss out my mother’s baking sheets she gave me 17 years ago when I moved out.  When I got them they had this semi sticky black burned on film.  I

thought that was just the way the pan came.  I used them for years and years before I bought a new pan and I burned something on the pan.  I realized that the

pans that my mom gave me didn’t come with that tar on them, she just never washed that crap off.
It didn’t stop me from using them and now I think It’s time to retire them and use the new ones I have.
Don’t get me started on the Pyrex dishes I never got when I moved out.  Don’t ask me about the mix matched set of Pyrex dishes I have from the ‘never

returning them’ when some undeserving fool brought me a meal in Pyrex.
Because of this…I will never let my Pyrex dishes that are blue (not the standard clear) out of my site.  I will drummel my name in the bottom so no one steals

them!

I have a bunch of random things that I keep bumping into when I try to find the chocolate in the house.  Items SCREAMING at me to unpack and use.

The kids are fully recovered. Alyx and Shea have taken up to staying the night with Dan because he takes them to McDonalds in the morning for breakfast.
Kara has ditched our family for my friend, Ruka.  Ruka has an adorable baby boy and Kara is loving the whole babysitting thing.  Marina has been at her

mom’s all week having some good ol’ mommy/daughter time.  Lastly is Tyler who lost his mind the other day and thought he could just do whatever the hell

he wanted and stayed the night where he was told he wasn’t allowed to.   He is now grounded and it looks like my backyard might be getting weedeated today.
OF COURSE, I’m guessing about 30 minutes into the project the weed eater will SOMEHOW break and he will have to stop his project until his dad gets home.

 He also knows he’s leaving for his mom’s early in the morning so he won’t have to finish this project if the weed eater breaks.
What he doesn’t know is that his dad is beyond pissed about all the stuff he’s hearing from other people. He likes to think he’s being sneaky, but he’s not and

his dad is hearing ALL about it.  It’s not looking so good for the 15 year old who is trying to act like a 18 year old.

My other two babies, Earl and Randy (The Nikons- yes, we named and renamed them) did fine through the wedding.  Earl (D70) did great.  Randy didn’t have a

battery in him and he didn’t get play.  I took them over to my friend’s house for her birthday and I started to take an indoor shot and realized the flash was

popping up, but not firing.  Randy is only a month old and he’s already going back to the shop for repairs.
We have a wedding to shoot in August so I don’t know if I can send him off for repairs or not.  Poor guy is all broken.

You guys haven’t even asked about SPF and honestly I had forgotten it until 6:22 am this morning.
How about this:  Post a picture of your feet.

I have avoided this one for almost a year because someone begged me not to do it.  It’s time. SHOW ME YOUR PIGGIES!!!

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12
Jul
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random

The wedding was set for 10 am, July 8th 2006.  I was actually ON TIME.  It’s a first in Kristine history.  I have been told that I will be late for my own funeral, so

the fact that I was on time just tells me, this isn’t the end for me.

We woke up the kids to, “Who wants to be in a wedding?”
Alyx jumped up and was ready to go. The two younger ones had gotten dressed the night before and just fell asleep in the clothes they were going to wear

over to the place we were getting married.
Tyler came out and sat on the end of the couch wondering WHY in God’s name did we have to be up so early.  He didn’t have hair and make-up that needed to

be done so why couldn’t he just go back to sleep until 9:30?

After we got to The Victorian, I went upstairs where my sister in law, Terrie was already getting the dresses ready.  You know that question, “If you were

stranded on a deserted island, what would you bring?”  I now can honestly say, “Terrie”.  She could build a hut, spear a fish, cook it and clean up the whole

island in the time it would take for me to figure out I had no cellular coverage.  Did I mention she has had 2 hip replacements? Yeah, she’s the friggin’

Terminator.

I’m doing a wedding next month for Kimmy and Nick and since I’m doing fora very low, low price, Kimmy did my make up for free.  You will NEVER see me

with my make up done so perfectly again.  Enjoy he  pictures while you can because once you see the honeymoon pictures, you’ll be laughing.  I can go from

Paris Hilton to Tammy Faye in just hours.

Kathy, my most awesomest sister, did my hair.  We were trying to figure out if we liked it minues before I walked down the stairs.  She said to me, “Kristine…

don’t flip your hair. Don’t fluff your hair. In fact, don’t touch it. AT.ALL”  and I didn’t. I resisted the urge for 80′s hair for my wedding.
It was weird standing at the foot of the stair case waiting to go down.  The dozen of times I had walked those stairs I said to myself that the squeeking was

going to be so loud that everyone was going to laugh.  I never heard the squeeking. I didn’t hear anything, but the wedding march.
As I rounded the second part of the stairs I could see Shaun in his tux.  It was breath taking.  I started to walk towards him without any thought in my head.  I

felt my dad grab my arm and start walking with me.  I looked into the crowd of friends and family.  Some were already teary.  My friend, Ruka was there with

her baby boy.  Her beautiful step daughter had gotten all dressed up for the occation and I wanted to remember to tell her thank you for that, but I couldn’t

remember anything a second after I got to Shaun.

The ceremony was painless.  Before the wedding I thought about every single word that was going to be said.  I didn’t want Dan (my ex) and Tabitha (Shaun’s

ex) to be uncomfortable at any point so we omitted some things and added others.  I didn’t want anyone to feel left out of this day. I wanted the girls to be so

much a part of the wedding that if I could I would have put them all in front of me and hugged them close.   It’s weird thinking about all this now as I type it

because I didn’t think about anything, but Shaun’s hands in mine.  Every second we listened and spoke we were seconds closer to being husband and wife.

He said the words, “I do.” and  I couldn’t wait to say, “I do” back.
As I was standing there I remembered when we first met.  “This guy is marrying me.” is what I wanted to say out loud.

When it was over and we turned to the crowd I thought, “perfect.”  It was perfect.  My wedding was just PERFECT for us.


Being the Best Man, Tyler’s job was to give a toast.  He was so mature, funny and nervous all at the same time.  His dad was so proud as he cracked jokes and

made everyone laugh.
I was watching him in his tux and I thought, ‘He’s a man now.’
We’ve known this for awhile, but as he stood there with the speech in one hand and his mic in the other, smiling and just playing the crowd with his smile and

humor…he just was…just…a man.

The things he said about his dad made me so proud.  When he said I was a great mother I almost lost it.  I could feel the tears coming, but he ended it just in

time.



Kara stood up for her part of the speech and she got through the first line and started to tear up.  This of course had a ripple effect through the whole place.  I

never took my leaky eyes off of her as she spoke.

I have seen Shaun cry once before and it was painful.  We cried together when we thought it was the end of our relationship and we would be parting ways.  I

never wanted to see him cry again.  Last week when he stayed home sick he was playing on the computer and after 5 minutes of watchin UTube where people

were being scared he fell into a fit of laughter that gave him the giggles so bad he burst into tears.  That was painful to watch too, but not as painful as

watching him fight off tears as Kara said her toast.
I couldn’t take it. I cried. I cried some more.  The whole place was tearing up.

I couldn’t have been more proud of her as she sat down and wiped off her own tears of happiness.



After the ceremony we slipped outside to get all the pictures. I was finally relaxed and the blood started to circulate again.
Our families decided to chip in and pay for someone to take pictures.   When he came upstairs to get the first few pictures I didn’t see him because I was

having this stuff called, ‘foundation’ put on.  I heard a ‘click’ and I said without missing a beat, “I hear a Nikon D2X.”  He laughed at me and told me that he

had already gotten the guys in their tuxes and they looked great.  It was real now.

My family gathered outside and we got all the pictures taken.  My most awesome brother, Jerry (who is now my favorite) had our professional like pictures

taken with his CAT hat on.  You’ve wondered how Red Neck are we?  This should answer your question; He was holding a Budweiser can in a beer can cooly

DURING the pictures.  The best part is…he brought his OWN  BEER!

My dad came in a polo shirt and turned off his hearing aides because ‘Everyone is talking too damn loud.’  He had to ask me what we were dancing to during

our Father/Daughter dance.

My mother, at the end of the day pulled her hair up into a clippy and put on her slippers.  I was so hot and sweaty I offered her a hundred bucks for her hair

clip.  The bitch that she is said, “Never.”


I don’t remember if I have ever mentioned my mother’s sister, Auntie Joanne or not.  As cool as my mom is, Auntie Joanne surpasses it.   She is my mother’s

best friend and when that woman managed to get her old ass up the stairs while I was getting dressed and I saw her face, I almost lost it.
My Auntie Joanne, who we have called ‘Lucy’ for as many years as I can remember was standing there smiling that smile that just made me want to throw her

into a car and take her to Vegas because even though she is about 3 days older than dirt now, she could probably out run me and have everyone from the

hotel clerk to the casino managers in tears of laughter.

When my mom heard her voice, “Nannnncy.”  my mom’s voice cracked as she tried to get to her and pull her into her arms for a hug. “Jooooannnne!”.  I cry

thinking about it.  I swear those two women are me and my sister in about 40 years.  I don’t think a day will come when the sight of my sister doesn’t make me

feel safe and happy.

It was the small moments like this one that made my wedding perfect.  The topper was having my aunt and uncle who have been married for over 50 years be

my witnesses and sign my certificate as witnesses.  Being that they are 3 days older than dirt, it took about a good 30 minutes to convince my uncle that he

just had to sign and put his address on the paper.
“Ohhhh, I don’t have email.  I don’t have a computer.”  My aunt who is use to him by now just kept saying, “FRITZ, FILL OUT THE PAPER!”  She then would

turn and wink at me and say, “He can’t hear a damn thing.  Stupid hearing aids.”

Did I mention we danced?  Kathy filmed it and her husband put together a video for us. (Check he bottom of this post for a link)

After it was over I  found my friend, ‘Cita who, I swear is going to heaven, was one of my right arms during my wedding.  She looked WORN OUT.  I told her I

was going upstairs to get something when I knew if I made it up the stairs I would be putting back on the clothes I came in. Sweats and a tank top.  Yes, this

girl is still a damn redneck!

Ten minutes later I waddled to the top of the stairs and called out her name.  I was STUCK IN MY DRESS!  I mean, STUCK.  The dress was a zippy from the

side type and the hooks that the you use to hang it on the hanger was stuck in the zipper.

She had to almost RIP the zipper out.  The bra was like a bullet proof vest that was now about 60lbs heavier because I was sweating.

When it came off I was sooooo happy!!

Okay, this is my Looped on Excedrin PM post.  I’ll answer all your questions from the last post soon!

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11
Jul
…honeymoon’s over!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random

I wrote the post, but then the sleeping pills kicked in and I had to stop. Now I have to rewrite it because I realize I shouldn’t post while under the influence of

Excedrin PM.

We got the professional pictures and now there are 210 pictures up on Flickr.

Shaun goes back to work tomorrow, so life will go back to normal (in R&O terms: Kristine has the internet all to herself for hours and hours of surfing for porn

replying to emails, writing her daily post and getting the SPF assignment together)

So what do you want to know about the wedding?

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08
Jul
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


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07
Jul
THANK YOU!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


Thank you all for the well wishes. I will see you all again on Monday after my *wiggling eyebrows* HONEYMOON!

You might want to check my sister’s or my mom’s Flickr site for wedding pictures before then, you MIGHT get a sneak peek after tomorrow!!

Love,

The soon to be (in 11 hours) Kristine Baland

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06
Jul
SPF: THE DAY BEFORE MY WEDDING!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


My Love:



I bet’cha all thought you were going to see a picture of Shaun.  Yeah, you all know I love him. I’m going to say “I Do” to him.
I love my family and the leader of our family is my Mom, the Fonz.

That’s it…..you’re only getting 1/3 of the SPF assignment this week.  You all can make up for my incomplete assignment.  I’ve actually got a few other things

going on at the moment.

I’m going to let you all have fun with SPF!!

Alrighty…did you play?

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26
Jul
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random

Shaun here, performing a public service. I saw the new Miami Vice at a sneak preview last night. No real spoilers here, just my general thoughts on the

film.First of all, there’s no white blazers. No teal shirts. No alligator on a houseboat. No Phil Collins cameo. What is there from the original show, you ask?

Ummmm…….water. Detectives named Crockett and Tubbs. That’s about it. For a movie set in Miami, South America, and Cuba, the hot chick factor is well

below average(RSG is canceling her Fandango tickets right now).

Colin Farrell(Crockett) looks like an undercover cop. His untamed unibrow, Johnny Depp pirate mustache, and faint 5 o’clock shadow (it was pretty light, so

we’ll just call it 4:30), mixed with expensive suits and jewelry would get him shot in the first scene by any decent movie bad guy. In this movie, though, all the

criminal masterminds and druglords actually believe he’s some badass drug-runner who served time in Pelican Bay. Ummm, OK. Lets just say I rooted for the

Columbians.

Jamie Foxx(Tubbs) was wasted in this movie. Didn’t this guy win an Academy Award? Like, a year ago? Can we somehow vote to take it back? I mean, just for

the principle of taking the role of the icon Phillip Michael Thomas who went on to, well….uhhh…hmmmm. Actually, I’m pretty sure it was Phillip Michael

Thomas who tore the movie ticket and directed me to the theater to the left at this sneak preview.

This movie tries wayyyy too hard to be cool. One scene is intentionally blurry. The next scene has the characters way off center. The next scene is grainier

than the Zapruder film. It was more like a two hour trailer for some yet-to-be released better Miami Vice movie. And the movie is slow. It’s a little less than two

hours long but I checked my watch about ninety minutes in wondering how long I’d been there. Usually not a good sign.

It was Bad Boys 2 without the cool parts, the funny parts, and with a white guy with bad facial hair thrown in. The last thirty minutes is actually very

entertaining and action-packed, though. Save yourself the $9 a ticket, Wait for it on DVD, then skip to the last half hour or any extras about the original show.

Comments (17)  //  Add Comment
25
Jul
licking the bottom of the Xanax bottle…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


Shaun told me today, “Don’t let her get you down.”
There is a lot in that statement. A lump formed in my throat and I almost cried. I realized later that those were words I never heard from my ex.
During my first marriage and having to deal with CAB, after every phone call we were fired up and had to figure out what step to take next or what route we

would have to take to make sure that my ex would be able to see his son that upcoming weekend. For years, if my ex didn’t call every day for 4 days before the

Friday he was to have his son, she would assume that he didn’t want him and wouldn’t plan on bringing him to the meeting spot. Every other week around

Wednesday our nerves would start to fray because we knew it was going to be a battle to see him. There were a hundred excuses of WHY she couldn’t make it

or WHY he wasn’t going to be able to see his son…and for three days we were on pins and needles everytime the phone rang. In most every call, my name was

brought up and how I had ruined her life and everything would be so much better if I just wasn’t in the picture.

It’s strange all these things coming to the surface now. I need to talk about them because for many years I wasn’t allowed to.
I wasn’t allowed to show weakness. I needed to be the strong one. The one who pushed him to write letters to see if he could see his son. The one who got the

paralegal to get the papers in order. The one who went to the DA’s office and got child support assigned. I look back now and I realize it was my survival

methods kicking in. If I always kept on top of things then nothing would slip through the cracks and no one would get left out.

Sometimes I wonder how I would have turned out if I had woke up one morning and decided to just stay where I was and not move to Sacramento with my ex.
That thought scares me sometimes because I believe if I think about it too much then the things that I was given for making the choices will vanish…like a

Twilight Zone episode. Never in a kazabiltrillion years would I give up those years because it was those years that I became a mother…and a step mother.

Being a step mother didn’t prepare me for being a mother. It prepared me for this point in my life. I think I am the best step mother I can be to Marina and

Tyler because of the lessons I learned. Marina and Tyler have a mother. We may not always see eye to eye. We may get frustrated with each other, but I think

we both see how important the roles we each have in the children’s lives and we don’t step on those roles.
It’s time for me to let go of that part of my life and that includes the part that involved Ryan. As bad as that hurts to even say, I know it’s true.
I have a new life now. Remember the new me? the new squeeky Kristine? It’s time for me to let go of hoping that people will see me for who I really am. I’m

not a life ruiner. I am not evil. I am a fighter for ‘fairness’.

Things need to be fair, but sometimes they’re not.

Those are the things that Karma likes to take care of…and from now on she can.

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24
Jul
Remembering Why I am Here…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: ex, Random


I wrote my step-son a message on MySpace today to let him know that he should delete me off his list.
It was one of those things I didn’t want, but I knew that if his mom knew that I was still on his list and she got nosey and went looking she would see me still

on there and all shit would hit the fan. It’s not fair that he’s stuck in the middle of all this shit that should have been worked out 16 years ago.

He deleted me. I felt like my heart was tore out. It’s so damn frustrating because it’s not fair. I did NOTHING to that woman. 16 years ago I was just a damn kid

that decided when Dan said, “I’m moving to Sacramento. I can’t handle that woman coming into my jobs and letting me hold my baby son and then calling

me telling me that I have to leave you or I will never see my son again. I’m moving to Sacramento and you can come with me if you want.” that I should just

go with him. I loved him, even though I had no idea what would be in store for us. Love conquers all right?

For the first year we didn’t hear from her. That was the deal he made with her. She told him to never call her or anything and he said, ‘okay’. Then one day she

called 411 and when she couldn’t find his name in the phone listing, she tried mine. The phone was in my name and she called. She threatened me that If Dan

didn’t call her back she was going to have him thrown in jail.
This was the start of many years of threats.

After a final threat he took her to court and got visitation rights. We were able to see Ryan every other weekend. On our court date she found out I was

pregnant with Kara. She threw a fit and said, “OH GREAT, now I won’t get as much Child Support!”
Two months after Kara was born and I was spending a lot of time with my mother she tried to get Dan to meet her for a little romp in a hotel room.
This would also be the start of many indecent proposals.

During all of this I tried. I think she might have tried too. At one point we spoke as friends and could communicate nicely. I never knew what happened, but

somewhere down the line she hated me again. It was around the time that we went to Hawaii and when we got back we started on our second child. By the time

Shea was born she had such hatred for me that I wouldn’t even go with Dan to pick up Ryan because if she saw me in the car she would get angry and the

stress level in Ryan’s world would peak.

I don’t remember the point when I finally grew up and stopped caring what she thought of me.
She would ask to see pictures of the girls and when I would take the picture out of the wallet and show her she would comment that it was a nice picture and

then on our way home with Ryan she would call and say that I was rubbing it in her face that I have a Macy’s card in my wallet.
When Kara was born and we only had one car, Dan and I bought a used car from a friend where we could make payments…we had to lie to CAB about it

because if she found out that we were spending any money, then all hell would break loose. We did this our whole marriage. She probably thinks my parents

are loaded because we always used the excuse that my Mom and Dad were paying for it. I didn’t like to lie about it, but it was so much better then hearing

about what a bad parent he was for not giving her every last cent of his paycheck.
Somewhere along the way I stopped trying to prove I was a grown up. I stopped caring that I looked right, acted right and said the right things to prove to her,

to Dan, to the world that he made the right choice by ‘picking me and not her’.

When we split up, it was ugly between Dan and I. It didn’t last very long because it doesn’t take a degree in rocket science to see that it was making it harder

on our girls. We rebuilt a NEW relationship, one that was more of a co-parenting relationship where we had to come to some degree of communication that

doesn’t involve anything but the girls. When we figured that out, we also figured out that would could be friends and respect each other and the choices the

other parent made.
Dan’s a dumb ass, we have established that. He’s also a dumb ass that I trust with my kids a 99 percent of the time. I trust him with Shaun’s kids.

This relationship that we have, She doesn’t have with him. She doesn’t understand that he can come over here anytime and take the kids. She doesn’t

understand that either one of us would do whatever it took to make sure the other one was taken care of.
When something goes wrong, he calls ME. When he hears a funny joke, I’m the one he calls. What they have is; an exgirlfriend who wants him to come to his

senses and marry her so they could be the happy family they should have been if I didn’t come into the picture. She goes to great lengths to prove to him that

it would work out and the trip to LA was going to be the grand hoopla of all ‘family time’.

Now because I said ‘negative ghost rider’, she is going to an attorney to try to make sure that I am nowhere near Ryan. Through emails, IM, or in person.

EVER. There will be no chance that Ryan will ever see me again.
What she doesn’t understand is, if these papers go through then Dan will have to swap weekends with me so the girls aren’t around either. Not because i’m a

big ol’ meany, but on Saturdays he comes over and picks up the girls or drops one off. Every weekend is a birthday party, a BBQ, “oh I left my bathing suit at

moms!” and half the weekends he is on call for work, which means that at anytime he has to bring the kids back over here to be watched for a few hours. Ryan

can stay at the apartment, but the girls have to come home. Ryan likes to come over here because he can go hang out with Chelsea and Tyler.

Ryan won’t be able to see his sisters anymore if the papers she files actually go through. If he does, my new husband will have to be the ones to drop off MY

kids at my Ex husband’s apartment and pick them up when he’s on call. It’s absurd, these papers she is filing to make sure I have no contact with HER son.

I know they won’t. I use to work for the Family law court and for a Family Law attorney. If I know anything, I know family law. (it’s one of those things I still

keep reading up on, you never know when you might need to know the laws)

What’s sad is, I did nothing to her. I get along with my ex-husband and we EARNED each other’s respect as parents and because of that, my step son is going

to be put through the ringer and I no longer have a chance to get to know the boy that is becoming a man. It was fun watching him show his real self through

MySpace. I loved the way he could make me laugh with his stupid little bulletins.

I’m sad. It just seems so unfair.

I’m closing comments, because this is really just for me…to vent…to be sad…to be angry.

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23
Jul
So wrong. So so so WRONG.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


This is after it cooled down.  Shaun had to help his sister move in 112 heat.  He is a friggin’ rockstar!

Speaking of friggin’ Rockstars, after a few hours of internet flirting we decided that Metro needed a new look.  If you’re a single woman looking for a man with

a…well, just go check it out.

My ex came over today to let me know that the CAB is going to file a restraining order against me so I can’t email my step son anymore.  She’s also going to

take him to court so he can never see his son again because his son was at the same BBQ as I was at.  My step son said he had to remove me from his

MySpace because she said so.  He also informed me that she’s as net savy as his goldfish.  He removed me from his top eight so she can’t see me anymore.
Has anyone ever really FELL OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH? Is this possible?  Someone? anyone? Is this possible?

Just a quick note to a special commenter called “E”…I got your message in my moderation box.  I’m sorry…an comment that calls me horrible names and

tells me I am a bad parent will not make it to my blog. Sorrrr-eeee.  Nice try though.  I changed it to say I have a nice set of ta-ta’s and you think i’m a sexy

momma that you would be proud to call your own.  So..neener, neener…E.

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22
Jul
do this because i am asking in my nice voice.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


Click here to view Shaun’s submission to the Design Janet Jackson’s new album cover contest.

There are stars above the cover he created. Give him 5 stars. I don’t know if he will win any money, get a job as her personal album designer forever, but there

is chance we will get to see her nipples…so just go do it. ;)

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21
Jul
cutting my nerves
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: ex


Yes, a new design. I had to do it. I need it something different and this seemed more different than anything I found. I also checked it in IE (evil) and Firefox

(good) and it worked in both. I then asked the one person I know that won’t blow smoke anywhere near my ass…Striznizay and asked her what she thought.

She said that the picture isn’t too flattering.
Take a good look internets, that’s really me. That was taken on day 2 of my honeymoon. This was the honeymoon that I had forgotten my toothbrush and a

brush. Honestly though, that is REALLY what I look like. Hair all trashed in a ponytail, big ol baggy clothes and no shoes. That’s the REAL me. I’m hoping

that’s why you like me so much, because i’m as honest as I can be without grossing you out too much.

I’ve got this post bursting inside of me and I am taking a few days to deep breath my way through it. It’s not often that I talk about my first step son’s mother. I

try to stay the hell out of whatever Dan (my ex) and that CAB (crazy ass bitch) are doing, but after spending many years in the epicenter of ‘hell’, it’s hard not

to get pulled back into it.

While in Redding for a few days to get my hair done I was pestered by the girls to go see their brother. He lives in Redding and how cool would have been to

be able to cruise the mall with their older brother and meet some of his friends. His little sisters wanted to hang out with him at the water park. Ryan is a great

older brother to his sisters. Alyx worships him. He is her hero. When he doesn’t come down for his ‘every other weekend’ visit, she gets bummed out.
I let the girls call him and ask if he could come hang out. I would pick him and drop him off as not to put his mother who thinks I am ‘evil in flip flops’

through any trouble at all. After some bitching she allowed him to go to the waterpark. I didn’t want to keep him out too long so I brought him home after a

couple hours.

The whole 4 day visit the girls wanted to hang out with him. The older ones wanted to go to the mall, but he wasn’t ever allowed to go. I told them, I’ll ask one

more time and if he says no, we will just stop calling. We didn’t want him paying the price of her wrath just so they could hang out. He never was allowed to

go after that first trip to the park.

When I got home my ex called me laughing saying, “CAB said she’s going to file a restraining order against you for calling Ryan.”
I use to work for the family law courts and a family law attorney. I knew it would have to take an act of God for her to not get laughed out of court, but it still

hurt my feelings. The kids heard me when I exploded, “SHE IS GOING TO FILE A RESTRAINING ORDER? FOR WHAT? FOR ASKING IF HE COULD GO TO THE

MALL WITH.HIS.SISTERS!?”
Not the smartest thing for them to over hear, but they already know her hatred for me so it wasn’t too big of a shock.
I ignored it and just laughed it off because honestly, if she has nothing better to do with her time, have at it.

Now the thing is, she text messages my ex husband…like ALL THE TIME. She still has this thing for him that had her call my ex 2 months after I had Kara and

asked him to meet her at a hotel room so they could, ‘hook up’. Yeah, we were MARRIED with a BABY and she didn’t stop. I then had two more kids and we

were married for 7 years. That didn’t stop her from trying. After we split up she came down and tried to sleep with him in my backyard hammock. (Yes, that

hammock went into the trash as soon as I found out) Her new source is text messages and I’ve read them…and they are so nasty it would gag a magot!
He’s an ass to her. Like a total ASS. She said she was going to join the circus and he text her back and said, “What as? the hairy beast?”. He’s a total dick to

her. When she comes down he has to lie about where he’s going so she won’t track him down.

Anyway, she came down last weekend to take the kids to a bumper car / golf course. She likes to come and play ‘family’. I think she does it because it makes

her feel like there is some sort of hope that he will see how great it could be if he took her back. It’s great for Ryan to be able to see that his mom and dad can

get along. I think she does it because she knows that Shaun, Dan and I still do all kinds of things together as a family and she wants so badly to show him

that they can have that too, but in the process she is pushing herself at him in a way he’s not interested in. She has made it REALLY clear she wants to um…

well…hump him. BADLY.
I love Dan to death and I would love for him to get a lil’ sumpin’ sumpin’, but dear Lord in the heavens above…hire a hooker, it’s cheaper and she won’t haunt

you for another 16 years. He won’t get back together with her for many reasons, some of the reasons I can’t talk about because I just ate and it makes me

seriously vomit thinking about it.

In our divorce papers I had a clause put in there. We are not allowed to leave the kids with anyone that the other person doesn’t approve of. When we wrote it,

we called it our ‘Tracy Clause’. He knows I don’t mind if she sits with kids long enough to make sure he can run to Starbucks, but that is about as far as it

goes.
It’s not exactly that I don’t trust the kids in her care. I totally think that she would watch them like a hawk and make sure that nothing would ever happen to

them. She would LOVE to be their ‘step mom’. Honestly she would probably make a great step mom. She would make sure they were well taken care of and

loved. I don’t doubt this. But she hates me. WITH A PASSION. This is not a woman I want around my children. Not because she would hurt them out of her

hatred for me, but she has NO control of the words that come out of her mouth when she gets angry.

She had such a good time playing ‘Mommy’ last weekend that she invited Dan and the girls to go to LA to go to an amusement park (7 hours away) and this

would require a hotel sleep over (see where this going?). He panicked and called me and told me “She just doesn’t give up!” I told him, “Well, use the Tracy

clause.” so he did. He told her that I said ‘no’. He pointed out that it was rather hypocritical that she wants to take MY girls 7 hours away to a park when just a

month before she was going to file a restraining order for just calling to see if I could take Ryan to the mall that is less than 3 miles from her house!
Of course this backfired. She told him, “You will NEVER see your son again! Kristine is never allowed to talk to my son EVER again! No email, no MySpace,

NOTHING! in fact, YOU can’t ever see him again!” This is recorded on his voicemail.

This is the drama I walked away when I divorced him. This is also the drama that manages to keep coming back. Shaun pointed it out to me. I allow it though.

I allow Dan to pull me into this. He’s totally right too. This is the ‘bond’ that Dan and I have together. She does something, he calls me and tells me, we laugh

about it and it’s ‘our’ thing. It’s something I have to stop. I have to stop asking and caring how much she hates me this week.
Shaun is the smartest man in the world. Watch out Dr. Phil.

I’m sort of sad about it. I know Dan won’t stick to anything she says because she knows the only reason she is being so nice is because she wants to get back

together with him *heebie jeebie* and that even though she gets so mad at him that she could spit nails, in a couple of weeks she will be over it and will forget

about it.

What she will never get is, Dan and I love each other. I love that he’s my children’s father *even though he’s a big ol’ stupid dumb ass sometimes* and he

loves that I am their mother *even though I’m an idiot sometimes*.
We honstly care about each other. We have a two sided friendship. We both give and take. *I take more though*
They will never have that because she can’t except the fact that WE have that.
I only hope that Ryan grows up to be a smart, honest, not so fucking crazy man.
Everyone…pray for him, he’s going to need it :)

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21
Jul
I’m BACK!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
We may not have cell phones and television…or possibly elecricity…but I have internet.

:)

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20
Jul
Stuff Portrait Friday – July 21!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: stuff portrait friday
Hi everyone, this is Lazy Lightning from morechickenandtuna.net.

Kristine can’t be here today because The Man is keeping her down (by cutting off her Intarwebz!!1!!one1!). She did leave a few comments on that next post

down, but her spam filter held them for moderation so we couldn’t read them…Until NOW! (I approved them – they’re there now, if you want to read ‘em.)

In Kristine’s absence though, there is still an important matter…



Yes, I know this is more like Stuff Portrait Thursday Evening. But I work early in the morning, and I’m in Central Time, K? Take what you can get! This week,

we’re Takin’ names and makin’ wishes

Show me pictures of your

Stuff Unnoticed
Your Wish
and…(blech) The Stuff Under Your Sink.
Here we go!!

Unnoticed…



This is one of my favorite things about our new apartment. We have a big balcony (I know it doesn’t LOOK big, but it’s long and narrow), and it’s up high. We

can sit out on our deck and eat dinner, talk on the phone, whatever, and passersby don’t know we’re even there. Even our same-level neighbors’ balconies are

so far away, or separated by walls, that we don’t even see them. Our last balcony was right next to a few others, and only 4 feet off the ground so that everyone

who walked, rode, or drove by was lookin’ in. This is the next best thing to our own private yard.

Now here’s My Wish.





My wish is that all that stuff in the first photo, plus a couple of garment bags, a box of books, a box of other wedding-related necessities, and a few duffel bags

fit into the car in the second photo, and that the car then successfully takes us and all of that stuff safely (and enjoyably!) to our wedding in three weeks and

on to our honeymoon: a 4500 mile round trip.

Lastly, here’s lookin’ at under my sink.



I totally lucked out on this assignment. We only moved in here about 2 weeks ago, so this area hasn’t had TIME to become unorganized and gross! Here you

see bleach, lysol, dishwasher detergent (for our beloved new appliance the **dishwasher!!**), the garbage pail, and a bag of grocery bags for use as garbage

pail liners. Oh, and you must not forget the dishwasher’s BFF, the garbage disposal!

Well… that’s my stuff… did YOU play?

Don’t forget next week either…

Next Friday’s mission:
1. Something Mean looking.
2. Your weapons
3. Your Hiding Place


Comments (35)  //  Add Comment
18
Jul
Pay off Wedding or Internet??
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
The Internets God had frowned on me.

Until my internet company (aka GUIDO!) turns me back on, Random and Odd is going black.

I won’t be able to play SPF this Friday (or proabably next Friday) but you all have fun and try to stay cool in this heat (108 in Sacramento).

Next Friday’s mission:
1. Something Mean looking.
2. Your weapons
3. Your Hiding Place

XOXO,
Kristine

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17
Jul
It’s time for a change…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


Random and Odd needs a new look. I have been thinking about it for days and days, but honestly…change sort of freaks me out.
Cat and RSG both bought their own domains. I love that they aren’t using blogger anymore, but sometimes I go to their blog and I think, “What happened to

my little baby chicks that just a few days ago were waddling around fresh from the blogging egg?”

In order to claim something for your very own, you have to lick it. I have licked Random and Odd many times. It’s all mine.    It’s HALF mine because i’m

married now.
I’m use to it. I have gotten the hang of the browns and blues. It’s calming. It’s also boring as hell.

You have to look at it too and I thought I would give you fair warning before I went and ripped the Random and Odd rug out from under you…so tell me…

What do you want changed about this place? Be honest, my peeps.

(did you see that? I’m trying to use hip words.)

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07
Aug
Hope’s Kitchen
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


Ingredients:

1 teenager willing to allow people to drag her from place to place from 4pm to 9pm.

1 creepy cemetery during an almost full moon.

1 light reader from Shaun’s camera shooting up from the ground.

1 brown blanket from the back of the car.

I took the picture, but this was Shaun’s vision. It took awhile before we could pull this one off, but it’s one of my favorite pictures to date.
It reminds me of a chocolate dessert.  I’ve been watching Hell’s Kitchen too long. Everything is a food and sometimes when I talk I find myself ‘bleeping’.

Don’t ask me who I want to win this darn show.  It changes everytime someone opens their mouth.  I don’t like that people are picking on Virginia, but

sometimes she bugs me too…but I wouldn’t exclude her.

I think I liked it better when I only watched CSI and Twilight Zone.

Comments (16)  //  Add Comment
07
Aug
exploding not an option.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random

ceasar park in sacramento, ca

My neighbors — you remember them…THE PRICKS are at it again.
I let my dog out this morning for her morning bark’n'pee and she was on full alert barking which means there is school started early and I missed the memo

or there is a bird taunting her.

I opened my slider and walked out there waiting for my eyes to adjust and I see her on the top of the hill jumping around as if the circus of dogs were

parading past her and she wanted to join.  She was SO excited because there was a blacktop full of kids playing basketball and she wanted to go play with

them.  This was her first summer in our backyard and it’s been nearly 3 months since she has had kids to play with and have come pet her.

I’m about ready to call her name to have her come down because she’s going to have a doggie heart attack if she doesn’t and that is when I see it. THE PRICK

next door shooting my dog with the hose!! “TAKE THAT!” he yells.
He is shooting the hose over the fence into my backyard where he is guessing she is. She wasn’t there, she was up further on the hill.

As the water is shooting over the fence I yell, “HALO! come on girl!” and the hose stops instantly. I let her back in the house and I stand up on a resin chair I

have in the backyard and I wait for that prick to finish what he’s doing.
He is walking back towards his house and I yell his name. He looks up confused.
I say, “Can you let me know when you’re done working in your backyard?”
He gets the ‘i’msuchaprick’ look on his face and says, “Yeah, i’m about done. WHY?”
I tell him, “I want to know when it’s safe to let my dog back in the yard without her getting shot with the water hose for barking…LIKE DOGS DO! THEY BARK!”

He’s such an ass.

Add to the Susie prayer and pray my neighbors move out of this town…away from me!

and on the bright side of my fence: my phone, it broke in half. like HALF. SNAP. I get my new one today. It has a camera on it. What are the odds of that!!??

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06
Aug
In a land far away…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


Every Sunday I like to treat myself to be able to go over to Susie’s site for just a little something. It’s like a tiny bit of church, maybe a funny quote…and

sometimes an update.

I got up this morning and got an email from Susie.

Now the cool thing about being a part of Susie’s life is you NEVER know what sort of gem of an email you’re going to get.
I laughed for 2 solid days about a woman that was insisting that she remove her blog name, ‘What was I thinking?’ because this woman COPYRIGHTED that

saying and it says so on her blog.  So NO ONE is allowed to use it and because Susie had that on her masthead, it was confusing her readers.   Everyone that

got this email from Susie read, “I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to give up my tagline’ and of course we all had some ‘no so nice’ ways to deal with the

woman who said her attorneys would deal with her.

I have also gotten emails asking for good vibes for one of our blog friends who had a  heart was hurting for one reason or another.

Sometimes she just sends me an email and calls me Princess.

I even got an email from Susie asking us to all pray that the doctors will tell her that her that she has worms.

Like I said, you never know what you will get with an email from Susie.

This morning’s email just tore me up.  She loves her readers and doesn’t want them to worry about her so she sends out her ‘help mes’ in email to those that

she knows will pray or send good vibes.
She didn’t ask us to pray for worms, she asked us to pray that she doesn’t have this disease that has the title ‘hideous’ attached to it.

Can you all pray, send out vibes, put messages in bottles, repost, do a weird dance…whatever it is that you do that manages to make people’s wishes come

true and just ask that Susie is okay.  She didn’t even ask that she be ‘okay’, just that she doesn’t have this certain disease.
She offered to babysit all of our children over night while we have a drunken party of naked women and men if somehow we can out-pray this one for her.

Click here to go to Susie’s site and while your slow computers take the time to connect, say, “Please Let Susie Be Okay.” and then let her know you care and

sent out your vibe.

Thanks everyone.

Comments (22)  //  Add Comment
03
Aug
SPF: Spicin’ it up!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random

My Spices:



Shaun pointed out that they aren’t really ‘spices’ and that they are ‘dips’. Who cares! Look at how old these things are!!
The Fonz moved into my sister’s house and in the process she packed up some stuff she hasn’t used — SINCE 1970!
I was going through all the gravy mixes, cole slaw mix and I found these in the back and started cracking up. That woman is a pack rat and since I don’t have

the heart to throw away the crap she gave me, I will pass on a 1920′s glass breast pump and these 2 packets of ‘dips’. Thanks Mom.

Salt and Pepper



This is my favorite black and white we own. Shaun painted it long before he met me. All of his other stuff is stored under the bed or in the closet, but I have

never had the heart to put Babe in the corner.

Spice up a Picture


I have NO idea what Shaun will make. This is the fun part of SPF. I let Shaun pick a picture and upload it and when I wake up in the morning it’s like a little

present from my husband to the internet.

I hope you all played because I managed to visite EVERYONES site last week and it was nice catching up with all you guys.

DID YOU PLAY?

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01
Aug
It is what it is.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
Shaun here.  So I’m driving home from work today at the coal mine, listening to sports talk on the radio (no, I couldn’t be studlier).  Then I hear it.  I get a

cold chill like you get when someone scrapes a fork between their teeth.  I let it go.  Then it comes again, and again.  Now I can’t stop hearing it, and it’s

driving me effing crazy.

“It is what it is.”

This statement had to have started from a coach or an athlete.  No one else would lack the ability to elaborate or expand on a topic. It’s saying something but

meaning nothing. USA Today called this saying the best new cliche of 2004.  Seriously, USA Today actually monitors this stuff, which is scary in itself.  Now,

this damn thing is everywhere. Yes, I heard it on….dear God….CNN.  Unbeleivable.  Now the idiot pandemic is here.  We all need shots ASAP.

“Coach, how do you explain the three game losing streak after starting the season so well?”

“It is what it is”

What is it?  And what does that mean?  Can we really be so stupid and lazy that this is acceptable?  There is no question to which this answer works, yet it can

answer almost anything badly.  If anyone asks you anything in any way difficult, it’s there for you like a fast-food vocabulary.

“You, in the back row.  How does this economic theory relate to post-Cold War Russia?”

“Well, professor…….it is what it is.”

This thing must be stopped before it invariably spreads and expands to other conversation-fillers.  I don’t know what the answer is, but it ain’t ‘it is what it is’.

If you use it, stop.  If you don’t, I guarantee you hear it soon.  Then you’ll shiver too.

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01
Aug
Anxiety Update…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


Click here to view this work of art picture by Shea.  Leave a note on your favorite part.

Ryan re-added me on Friday to his MySpace account.  While he was at his dad’s house I messeaged him. I told him I was happy.  We chatted for a little bit and

I asked, “Aren’t you afraid your mom is going to find out that you re-added me?”

He said…”She said it was okay, but I forgot…but on Friday she DEMANDED I re-add you.”

A big ol’ Red Flag went up.

I then remembered that I had changed my settings that only ‘friends’ can see my profile.  When I was deleted off his list, my profile then became blocked.
Also, when I was deleted off his MySpace, all emails stopped.
Now, if and when she (or a friend of hers that knows how the use a computer) logs into his account she has no emails to read between us and she can’t go to

my profile.
Also, she can read what I write on my ex’s page, but since she couldn’t see my page anymore she was only getting half the story and the most important

part…what my ex was writing to me.
I’m over it. I only write what I know is going to be read no matter if it is here or there.  If you did a search engine on my name with my maiden name, married

name or remarried name the first one you get is my blog.  I don’t really care who finds me or knows I have anxiety, I have huge faults, I get angry, I get

frustrated, I’m not the skinny thing I was in high school, my life isn’t perfect or that I have a crush on Christian Troy from Nip/Tuck.

Guess what I remembered this year?  SHAUN’S BIRTHDAY!!  I managed to do it this year without help from the internet!  His birthday is Thursday and I have

been working on this big ol’ mushy, lovey-dovey post in my head. Prepare to cry on Thursday morning (or for you Random and Odd stalkers – Wednesday

night around 2am before the medication kicks in)
Kara is leaving on the 9th to go to Moab with my friend, Ruka and her family.  This is the longest and furthest my daughter will have been away from me in 13

years.  I’m not even worried because I trust the whole lot of them with her…but I am going to miss her to death. My baby bear isn’t going to be here to pick

on. She won’t be here to make the house all loud with her sudden bursts of song.  She won’t be here to yell at to go to bed or get off the computer.  She won’t

be here to fold my laundry just the way I like it.  *sigh*  It’s going to be like someone lobbed off my left arm while she is away.
I hope while Ruka has my daughter with her for 11 days that she realizes all the hard work I put into beating that child every Sunday, by the how well my child

is behaved.  I will send the stick with her as a reminder of how much her mommy loves her. ;)

Tyler has become my new buddy. We have our shows we watch.  We have House and Hell’s Kitchen.  Last night he was driving me nuts with wanting to tell me

what happened and he couldn’t because I hadn’t watched it yet.
He has also allowed me to ask him questions about his life and he gives me just enough information that insures that neither one of us is uncomfortable, but

still feel connected. I also informed him that if he tries at any point in time to sneak out of the house I will beat the living daylights out of him.  He

understands this and I trust him.   *gulp* yes, I trust a teenager.

I have more stuff to write about.  I just needed to get all those little things out so I could move on to writing less scattered stuff.

Now If you want to find me, I will be at Scotty’s blog because he said he was going to take a picture of Brad Pitt and put his head on it and I am SOOOO

excited!!
REFRESH, not there yet, REFRESH, not there yet, REFRESH…I wonder if he was just kididing?

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31
Jul
if only!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random

Yeah…I WISH.

SPF this Friday: Tasty!

1. Your Spices
2. Salt and Pepper  (?, black and white?, your shakers? something black and white?)
3. Add a little spice to your picture.  (links below)

This week was suggested by Missing JT SNOW

For those of you that don’t have photoshop (Shaun uses the poor man’s version called Photo Impact) I found this neat page that you can manipulate your

pictures

MyTheme

or my other favorite

Flagrant Disregard
I suggest you play around with your pictures…push it further than you think it should be pushed, you never know what you might just really like!

If you make some cool stuff before Friday and you want to share, please send me the link so I can check it out.

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29
Jul
Flashbacks…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


When I was younger I had a friend who had to go to the hospital. The story was a dramatic and scary one that for many years would haunt me.

My friend had been outside playing and being a boy he had probably been running, jumping and making a fool of himself when all the sudden he fell off into

some rebar and had to go to the hospital because it had tore through his leg and he was going to need stitches.

For some reason, I always remembered this story and kinda filed in the back of my head as something REALLY weird that happened. Poor kid. What were the

odds of THAT happening?

After my divorce I hung out with two of the coolest guys in the world. Dale and Zach. We use to spend hours and hours together laughing and picking on each

other. Dale and Zach worked together in construction and after work they would come over to my house and have a beer, download music and talk.
One day, Dale came over and he was explaining to me what he had done that day to a house.
I don’t remember what I was doing, but I must not have been paying attention close enough because out of the blue he mentioned he had some rebar in the

back of his truck.
“What? You’re kidding me?!” I got all excited, “Can I see the rebar?”
Zach and Dale knew I wasn’t exactly normal, but I think that’s why they loved me. They never knew which ‘Kristine’ they were going to be hanging out with.

“You want to see the rebar?” Dale asked as he got up to walk out the front door with me. “Okay weirdo, lets go.”

As we walked out to the bed of the truck and I looked down at the stacks of concrete reinforcement bars I was so confused. Dale must have noticed because he

asked me what was wrong.

“This…this…isn’t the stuff they put in pies.”

Of course, the whole story about my friend falling and hurting himself on REBAR makes so much more sense than the image I had in my head for thirty years.

Rebar, not Rhubarb.

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27
Jul
Next week SPF: spice..this week…WEAPONS!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


Something Mean Looking:



On our Honeymoon, Shaun found this stick. He said, “Lookie Honey…look what I found!”
I thought he had lost his mind until he told me it would make the perfect  “beat the children Sunday” stick!  I was all excited.  I couldn’t wait to show the kids

when we got home.   They laughed at us like we were crazy.

My Weapons:


Sometimes I forget what I really am. I’m a nerd, dork, geek.  Tonight the card reader broke and I had to fix it. Well, TRY to fix it. It was a broken pin and there

isn’t anything I can do to fix it.  It’s okay, I have all kindsa back up crap.  It did feel good to take something apart. That geeky rush came back to me and

reminded me what made me get up every morning to go to college.  Everyday I got to be in the heart of a computer. Everyday I got to tear something apart, fix

it and put it back together.

My Hiding Place:



I hide in here. Not the camera store itself, but the lenses. I hide in here. If you knew what was really in my head when I am taking pictures I think you would

really ‘get’ me.
I hide this very different side of myself that I can unlock with certain combinations of words by Rumi…and those words are sometimes found in my pictures.  I

hide them with the other pictures so you can’t see them, because  I’m afraid of what people would think of me if I really showed you this other side.  I think

that side sometimes scares me…and so I hide it in my lens.

Now that you’re all officially confused,  DID YOU PLAY?

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27
Jul
i don’t like angela, let it be known now.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
** SPF this week: Click Here **
My friend, ‘Cita invited me over to catch up on season 3 of Project Runway. Now, honestly I am not a big fan of this show. I have watched the final shows from

past seasons with ‘Cita because when this woman gets into a show, she drags everyone she knows into the show with her. I have been dragging my feet for

two seasons and instead of listening to her complain to me on Thursday morning about what happened on Project Runway I decided to just Tivo it and watch

it when I couldn’t fall asleep.
When I informed her that I was ‘watching’ the show this season you would think that I told her that I built a casino in my backyard that actually let us more

than 2 dollars for ever 20 we put in.

“OH MY GOD! you have to come over and catch up on the few that you have missed.”

So I did. It’s not like I was missing a huge plot or anything, but I HAD to learn the history of the crazy guy with glasses and I needed more of a reason to hate

Angela.

After it was over we were debating what could be the huge thing that happens next week that gets someone KICKED OFF THE SHOW! All the sudden this HUGE

fly comes in the crack in the sliding screen door. When I say HUGE, I mean…like…it was something National Geographic would have been shocked by. Flies

the size of small dinosaurs!

This fly, this HUGE fly lands on the ceiling lighting and we are in awe of the size of it and how the hell we are going to lasso that thing to get it back outside.
‘Cita in all her glory pulls out her Dyson that has so many attachments and went from normal looking vacuum cleaner to a friggin’ Transformer! All the

sudden the attachement is long enough to get to the fly.
” There is NO way that thing is going to get sucked into there.”
That thing got sucked up in there! She caught the flying dinosaur in her vacuum cleaner!

I don’t have a new fandangled cleaner that SHOWS you what gets sucked up in there, but all be damned if hers doesn’t and we spent 15 minutes turning the

canister to see the beast…and then we found it! We were such girls too…”Ewwwww, lookie..there it is!”
It wasn’t enough though…we wanted to see it closer up without all the fuzz on it so we put all the contents of the canister in a ziplock bag and went about

trying to find the fly again.
We found it and we kept looking at it as if it had all the answers to the world caught in its creepy little eyes. It wasn’t enough though, we needed to be able to

see it ‘clean’.

As if we were CSI agents we went about getting the fly out of the bag and into the bottle of water so we could see it up close … and CLEAN.

“Damn…that sucker is huge! It’s like 5 times the size of a normal fly, I think it’s a horse fly.” ‘Cita informes me.

We went outside later and we were still talking about the 30 minute catching, cleaning and inspecting the fly when I said, “It’s just so strange to have

horseflies out here. I mean, we live in suburbia…there are NO horses anywhere near here.”
“Kristine, I think they are called horse flies because they are so big…”

and this will always be her come back when I bring up the fact that she was grossed out by the fact that I was eating a ‘chick’o'stick’ and couldn’t understand

why I would want to eat candy that is ‘chicken’ flavored.

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20
Aug
Glue’s Back…it’s loud again.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


Shaun and I shot a wedding last night.  1,289 pictures were taken and I think we will probably use 200 of them.  I honestly do not understand how people

shoot film.

Kara called as we were on our way home and she was about 3 hours away.  She was trying to talk loud over the crying baby in the backseat and I was trying to

talk quietly because I had lost my voice that morning and everytime I tried to talk normal I sounded like a cross between Peter Brady and Morgan Freeman.
She wanted to be hommmmmme.  So at 1 am Shaun drove over to Ruka’s and got her.  I guess a grand total of 17 hours in the car did her in and she was

throwing up left and right.

At 13 it’s not very often that I find her at the side of my bed at 3am in tears wanting to sleep with her mommy.  She crawled in bed and somehow I managed to

sleep between a snoring Shaun and a flip flopping 13 year old who steals the covers.  It was the worst and best night’s sleep i’ve had in a long time.

Thank you all for your prayers and well wishes.

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19
Aug
in with the old?
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
I cleaned my room yesterday and I found about 13000000 cds that I didn’t have the heart to toss. I went through all of them and each reminded me a of a

phase I went through that I didn’t want to let go of. I didn’t really want to listen to them, but didn’t want to discard them either.

I have about 4 catagories of music.

1. What was I thinking buying country music category.
2. I swear I am the only person who would buy this CD category
3. Grunge was SO cool in the 90′s category.
4. My life is changing and this music will always remind me of that time category.

I have about 15 country CD’s that have maybe ONE song on there that I like. I clearly bought these CDs before I found Napster. I could bear to listen to a few of

them before I moved on to the next category.

From the looks of my CD collection I kept, you would think I’m the strangest person in the world. Dr. Hook to The Ramones to Erykah Badu. You know how

your mother always said to have clean underwear on in case you get in accident? This is sort of how I feel about this category. I could NEVER have any of

these CDs in my car because what would happen if I got in accident and all my CDs were scattered all over the street for the world to see?

“Dear Lord, What a horrible accident! Look at all this woman’s music is all over the place…DR HOOK? who listens to DR.HOOK? ….omg, is that a a Glenn

Campbell CD over there? How old could she have been? Well, she has an R.E.M cd and a Buffalo Tom CD. HOLY CRAP…why in the world would anyone put a

Michael Jackson CD in the slot next to the Hanson CD???”

BMG must have loved me during the early 90′s because every Smashing Pumpkins, REM, Stone Temple Pilots & Nirvana exclusive CDs they featured that

month I had to own.

The last category is the hardest for me to keep, because it means that if I listen to it, I am instantly transported to a part in my life that is bitter sweet.
Just for shits and giggles, I put in the Sheryl Crow CD that many years ago I listened to over and over when I was getting ready to step out of my married life

and into the world of the unknown. I listened to the song that became my mantra of unhappiness. “Home”.

I woke up this morning
Now I understand
What it means to give your life
To just one man
Afraid of feeling nothing
No bees or butterflies
My head is full of voices
And my house is full of lies
I listened the whole song and it’s so bizarre how I could feel my heart breaking in my chest because of the pain of the words and how it transported me back

to that turmoil I experienced in my first marriage. I was lost in a world I had created and didn’t know how to fix.

I’m still going through a lot of the music I downloaded onto CD’s and I am realizing that there is a whole lot of music in this collection that needs to be tossed

out and replaced with new music to reflect the new life I am creating.

I don’t care what ANYONE says though, i’m keeping Dr. Hooks Greatest Hits.

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18
Aug
SERIOUS
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
I got a call from Kara this morning. She was in tears, bawling.  She has a toothache that is killing her.  She is in Moab, Utah and my friend is going to be

leaving tomorrow morning to come home.

Please…pray that she’s comfortable and that the toothache somehow, some way goes away enough to where she isn’t in too much pain.
I know when I am in pain, I always cry out for my mommy.   Kara is and it’s breaking my heart.

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17
Aug
Stuff Portrait Friday — ugh.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


My Mailbox:  it’s hard to find, but it’s there.



My Bag:  I have this cool brown bag i’m all into, but the dog was cracking me up, she wanted to come in the bedroom and when I shut the door, she headbutts

it until it opens…but she doesn’t come in.



My Supplies:  I put all the back to school loot in bags and tied it in knots because the kids will open it, fight over it and then lose it before the first day of

school.
So here is the van that the dealership is letting me borrow until they figure out why this new van I just bought sounds like it has pop rocks in the engine.



and for all of you Halo fans out there:



This week SUCKED.  You guys better give me some ideas!

DID YOU PLAY??

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17
Aug
POST IT NOTE:
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


Tomorrow is SPF: Your supplies, Your Bag (or purse) your Mail Box.

I really NEED to go to the PG&E office and make a payment before they shut me off.

Call the car dealership to see when my car will be finished. (Did I mention that after 34 miles of driving the car it STARTED KNOCKING and POPPING and

WHINING? yeah, I brought it back)

Find my bedroom floor under all the CRAP!

Kill Kara’s dog for peeing under my bed.

Burn CDs of pictures for back up.

I don’t know WHY I write these. I went back through a bunch of my ‘post it notes’ I didn’t do ANY of them.
I suck.

I wish RSG and Pissy lived with me. They would bleach my stuff. Then my sister could move in and remind me to put stuff away. If my mom lived here she

could fold my laundry…it takes a village to raise a child, but it takes the whole internet to raise Random and odd.
What would you bring to the Random and Odd household if you moved in?

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16
Aug
*yawn…*
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


I am TORE UP! I got up early yesterday with a ‘go gettem’ attitude!

My sister has grabbed hold of my shoulders and began pulling my head of out my ass. It was bit painful at first, but once she got my ears out and I could

hear, “IT WILL MAKE YOUR LIFE EASIER IF YOU JUST LISTEN TO ME!” the rest sort of fell into place.

On my road to paying bills on time and organizing myself I decided to grab ex husband and new husband by the throat and drag them with me.

You would have to watch “The Dog Whisperer” to fully understand the new concept my mother and sister have in life. Ceaser (the trainer) is like an hour of

therapy a night. They walk away knowing how to deal with people and life situations…and they can get their damn dogs from pulling on a leash. I started

watching the show about 2 years ago and it changed the way I deal with people, my kids, my dog…but not myself. I am a pack leader…but i’m WAYYY to

submissive. It’s time for me to grab the bone and run with it.

With a ‘sstt’ sound my dog knows what to do. She looks at me and knows that I want her to back her butt up and get on the kitchen rug and then I open the

door and before when she would charge out, now she just sits and waits for her invitation to go outside.
She also has learned from that sound that she’s not allowed in a room with carpet. She treats me with respect.

I woke up yesterday. “sstt”ed my ex-husband to the insurance company and my husband to the smog shop. We all met up at the DMV and took care of our

cars.

OH MY GOD. The weight of that one action alone has made me feel SO much better. Yes, I still had the nightmares. Yes, I still wake up in a panic of what is

going to happen today and YES, I couldn’t fall asleep last night to save my life….but I could cross ONE more thing off.

Remember a few months ago when that Dodge Ram plowed into the back of my mini-van leaving me ‘vanless’ for months? DONE. I traded it in and bought a

different one. No, it’s not top of the line. In fact it’s OLDER. It has more miles. It’s not as pretty. BUT I CAN DRIVE IT, and it’s “Ours”. I can hand the keys of

Dan’s F150 back to him and tell him, “Thank you.” and I won’t have to stop at the gas station every 3 days to fill up.

I’m doing better this week. As I am sitting here typing this thinking about next week having school starting, i’m thinking about reclaiming that side of me that

enjoyed life. It’s time to mix some stuff huh?

SPF:
1. Your Supplies (home, office, school — whatcha got?)
2. Your Bag (we’ve done it before, but I know you all change purses like I change undies)
3. Your Mail box (most look the same nowadays so pan out and let me see where you go get your mail.
I also got an email the other day that made me smile so big for like 4 solid hours. Thank you all for the nice things you say. Don’t forget to send vibes for

Susie!

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14
Aug
Our Glue is Gone..
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


Last Thursday we handed over one of our children to my friend, Ruka.  It’s not for long term, just like 11 days.  It hasn’t even been a whole week and I’m

missing my Kara so much it hurts.
It’s the ‘miss you so much, it hurts’ kinda hurt.
She’s been calling me every day telling me where they have been.  They started out going to Vegas where she got to see the strip, go on rollercoasters and

feel like she was the most important kid in the world.

She’s now in Moab.

She called to tell me that the rocks are HUGE.  I tried to show her pictures of where she would be going, but she said she didn’t quite grasp it until she saw it.

She took her camera and swore to me she has been taking pictures.  Every now and again I get a picture from her T-Mobile Sidekick.  It’s not the same.

Hearing the excitement in her voice when she was in Vegas made me feel bad that we don’t do more together.  It didn’t make me want to rush out and buy a

hummer and mobile home, but it made me want to shove my kids into a tent and demand we have some sort of family bonding time.

I miss her.  I miss the glue that makes this family ‘ours’.

Beating the children last Sunday just wasn’t as fun without Kara screaming, “I’m going to call CPS!!”

come home soon, Bear.

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13
Aug
I could pee myself!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


On my Flickr site I have over 5000 pictures. I have almost a hundred thousand individual views.
I’m really proud of this. REALLY proud of this.

Some naysayers can be saying, “Whoopdy-do, she takes lots of pictures and people go look at them.”

To me, it means to me that you like me. Or you’re all fuh-reaky and like to get a little looksee into what I’m doing.

Either way…. WAY COOL!

thanks!

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10
Aug
SPF: The Title Company
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


Title of a Song:



One Bourbon, One Scotch. One Beer.

Title of A Movie:



Peggy Sue Got Married – or in this case Nancy Lou…I think she probably had 2 kids by the time this picture was taken.

Title of a Book:



The Feminine Mystique - Just seems to me, she overcame it. I love you mom!

As you can see, I am missing my mommy again.

Did you play?

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08
Aug
SPF: The Title Company
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
This week we are mixing it up a little bit. I’m giving you titles and you take a picture that goes with it. I know you’re all going to need me to walk you through

this, so PAY ATTENTION, read my examples. Hey, you in the back…you’re not reading, you’re skimming…don’t make me pull out my ruler!

1. Song Title: Example: “Stairway to Heaven” = your stairs. “Hot Legs” = duh. “Back in Black”=something in black. “My Humps”= do I really have to explain

this?


2. Book Title: Example:“Moby Dick”= hee hee. I couldn’t resist. “Misery” = your laundry pile or something that makes you miserable. “Green Eggs and Ham”

= Breakfast? the contents of my fridge?

3. Movie Title: Example: “Planes, Trains & Automobiles” =pick one. “Shrek”=a picture of my ex-husband (*giggle*, shut up, he reads my blog) “Princess

Diaries” = Your kids/animals secret stash/hiding place

You get to think outside of the box or be really simple. Maybe you have a picture you’ve already taken that you think fits in somewhere. Do all three, or just do

one…NO RULES…just have fun.

If you have any suggestions on “Titles” be sure to comment and give people ideas.

Comments (30)  //  Add Comment

28
Aug
Because I never do these…and it’s Monday…and the meds made me do it.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
1. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (your first pet and the street that you live on)

Dumpy Hartwick

2. YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME: (grandfather/grandmother on your mom’s side, your favorite candy)

Helena  Starburst


3. YOUR “FLY GIRL/GUY” NAME: (first initial of first name, first two or three letters of your middle name

K Lou


4. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color, favorite animal)

Black Badger


5. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born)

Louise Redding (I would die of a brain tumor within 3 days if I had that name!)


6. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name, first 2 letters of mom’s maiden name)

BalKriCon  (I have the best Star Wars Name EVER!)


7. SUPERHERO NAME: (“The”, your favorite color, favorite drink)


The Black Captain and Coke  (ooooh, looks like I have a built in side kick!!)

8. NASCAR NAME: (the first name of both your grandfathers)

Al Benjamin  (yeah, we would drive something lame like the Post It note car)

9. FUTURISTIC NAME: ( the name of your favorite perfume/cologne and the name of your favorite shoes)

Amarige Flip-Flop (yeah, I won’t make it into the next century with that name)

10.WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: ( mother/father’s middle name and the next name you hear on the tv/radio/talk)


Logan Spongebob   (this might work out for me.)

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27
Aug
It’s time to update.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
See that long list of blogs I read?  I love all those blogs…but honestly, I don’t read them all.  Some of those blogs belong to people that don’t even come

over and say Hi to me anymore.  I have readers that have been here since day one (pissy, sissy and Shelli) and I have some that came over once (dooce) and

one that saved my website from looking like someone hacked into and made my world bold with big fonts (her husband, Jon).  I am grateful for everyone that

is on that list because at one point or another in the past three years they came into my world and made it a better place.  We all grow up though and we get

our own readers and then we never comment or call back. I am SO super guilty of this.  I swear I am the worst commenter in the world. I leave stupid

comments like, “Yeah, what the person above me said.”

Please don’t hate me.
BUT, I do recognize I have a whole lot of new readers who need a spot on my sidebar and to avoid having a million links over there…i’m deleting some.

So, if you’re over there and you’re NOT leaving, leave a comment that says, “Whoa…you take me off and I will come steal your xanax” or some other good

threat….the better the threat, the better your odds of staying on that list.

If you’re a reader that visits over here on more than just Fridays and would like your blog listed, leave a comment where you explain to me why you think you

should be listed. (hint, talk about how much you love my boobs will always get you bonus points)

It’s Sunday…I have about 4 things to do, but I will be adding and deleting later tonight while doped up on my stupid medication that HOPEFULLY in the long

run make my life a better place.  Bring on the woodland animals!

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26
Aug
Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


Isn’t there a pill out there for anxiety and NOT depression? I’m the least depressed person I know, but i’m riddled with anxiety.  The pills they gave me are for

depression and anxiety…and oddly enough, one of the side effects is ANXIETY. hello? Does this make sense?  There has to be a pill for one and not the

other.  *sigh*

I just want the anxiety to go away. I MUST FEEL SOMETHING.
Anyone?

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26
Aug
My Chemical No-So Romance
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


After I had Shea, I went through some hard core depression. The doctors decided to put me on anti-depressants in hopes of clearing up the problem.  I took

the prescription for a week before every single side effect listed hit me all at once.
I went back to the doctor and after being poked and tested they decided to put me on a patch of estrogen.  I did that for awhile and that seemed to do the trick.

 I also had an affair, so It was either the patch or the affair.  The patch may have caused the affair. I never took the time to analyze that.
I took the medicine they gave me yesterday afternoon and I didn’t feel anything. I was hoping that some woodland animals would come out and greet me at

the front door, but they didn’t.  I did get a serious case of the sleepies.  I logged online and I think I might have sent an email and I watched about 4 minutes

of “Seconds From Disaster” before I fell asleep. Hard.

Today I woke up in a fantastic mood.  I managed to fall asleep before 3 am which, if you know me…is nearly impossible.

After dropping off my niece at school we headed out for lunch.  The car in front of us turned on his blinker, applied the brakes and slowly turned off the road

onto another street.
“Kristine, you okay?”
“Huh?”
“That car in front of us used his brakes and turned and you didn’t hit the cieling.  My God, I think the medicine is working!”

See, a part of my anxiety that developed since the car accident is…well, being in a car.  The majority of the car-attacks happen if someone else is driving.  I do

this thing where whenever car in front of us puts on his brakes I do the whole, “OMG WE ARE GOING TO PLOW INTO THE BACK OF THAT CAR!” jump up and

put my hand on the ceiling and intake so much air, we have to roll down the windows to allow the rest of the people in the car air.
Shaun has found this a ‘cute little quirk’ I have, but the reality is that during this ‘cute little quirk’  I am, in my head, screaming, crying and freaking out.

To avoid the episodes I decided I shouldn’t ride with people. I should drive.  If I can’t drive then I find a way to stay home.  In my head, there is no safer place

than in this house…it’s best I stay here.  The downfall is, my children need to go to school.  It’s been okay until a few months ago when I found that when I

drive the car, instead of having those audible freak outs…my hands and feet get that ‘oh shit, i almost ran off the road’ tingle.  My hands and feet start

tingling. My heart rate jumps up a bit.  I’ve actually learn to except that, it’s not so bad once you get use to it. It’s like drinking a Red Bull on empty

stomach…or narrowly hitting a dog darting across the road.

I thought since I was on this medicine that everything was going to get better.  Today. has. been. hell.
On our way home after some shopping I freaked out when a car had the nerve to change lanes.  It was time to go home and take today’s dose.  As soon as I

took it I could feel it making me sooooo sleepy.  Damn it.  I’m useless.  I decided to take a little nap and hope it wore off a bit.  I slept for an hour.  Now I feel

numb.  I have felt numb for the last seven hours.  No happy. No sad. No anger. No anxiety.  Yeah, no anxiety…that should be my dream come true right? I’m

down. I feel NOTHING.

I remembered exactly why I went back to the doctor the first time I tried this. It was for this exact feeling of nothingness.

Oh wait…I just felt something.  Frustration.

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25
Aug
SPF: oh sheet!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


I went to the doctor (insert angels singing) yesterday and he started me on a new prescription of some stuff that made me pass the hell out at 8pm last night

and wake up at 6:30….SMILING. I’ll tell you more about this later.
Shaun had taken the kids with Halo up the park and I swear when he got home I told him in a sleepy haze, “Do SPF for me.” before falling back into a sultry

dream about clean houses and vacations.  He said he got home an hour later and I was snoring like a freight train and I DID NOT wake up to tell him this.

I think I did though.

Regardless, do you see any pictures? No.

I want to play because DEPSPITE the fact I have high hopes in this set of medication working, I am still easily annoyed and with as many people that live in

my house, i’m certain to find something that will toss me into an anxiety attack.

Did YOU play? Your fearless leader did not.

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23
Aug
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


Kristine said some people wanted my review of ‘Snakes On A Plane’, so here ya go. First, let me say that this might be the greatest idea for a movie EVER.

Certainly one of the best titles (personal favorite title ever is “Something Wicked This Way Comes”, but that’s another post). The internet hype for this movie

was absolute genius. The producers also refused to allow critics to preview the movie. Oh, and I love love love Samuel L. Jackson. OK, now that all of thats

out of the way…….(oh, for those of you who don’t know me, the previous paragraph is actually how I talk. Part stream of consciousness, part just rambling.

Send Kristine your sympathies)……

As weird as it sounds, this movie wasn’t bad enough for me. For a movie intentionally campy and over-the-top, I thought it could have been worse, which

would have made it better. But as far as stupid and fun, bullseye. Snakes bite boobs, crotches, eye-sockets, tongues. Samuel L.Jackson cusses. There are

plot holes bigger than the plane itself. To me, though, it just got redundantly bad. It definitely had it’s moments, but I was a little disappointed. If you don’t

mind stupidity, catch a matinee. Otherwise, it’ll make a fine DVD addition in a few months.

On a side note, seeing this in a theater of teenagers was awesome, better than the movie itself. They cheered and laughed and applauded, like this was going

to be the movie that defined this generation. I can’t remember hearing a crowd scream louder than the soon-to-be-classic Samuel L Jackson line:

“I’ve had ENOUGH of these mother fucking snakes on THIS mother fucking plane!! Everyone strap in….I’m opening windows!!!”

Seriously, can ANYONE else pull off that line? Nope.

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23
Aug
How many of you have laptops?
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
I’m just wondering.

I’m laptopping/surfing from a coffee shop by my house while I wait to pick up the second child and I am wondering how in the world I did this whole internet

thing before the laptop.  I mean, when i’m at home, I loves me my computer that sits by my bed…but WHO KNEW that surfing the web could feel so naughty

when you’re out in the public.
Why didn’t the laptoppers tell the desktoppers how good this feels?

What else are you guys keeping from me??

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23
Aug
Kristine’s Movie/Book review. Not as good as Shaun’s, but as informative.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
About 5 years ago I was on vacation and I bought a silly girl book.  The guy I was with grabbed Dave Barry’s Guide to Guys.

During the trip while I was driving the first leg of the trip he sat in the seat next to me cracking up as he was reading.

I kept asking what was so funny and he would read me a passage.  It got to the point where he was reading the book to me as I drove and then when we

switched spots I took over and would read.

At one point I was reading and somehow lost my spot. In order to figure out where I was I had to read ahead  I started laughing so hard I couldn’t breath.  He

started giggling and asked what was so funny. I was laughing so hard I couldn’t even tell him.

The majority of this trip consisted of us reading this book and laughing so hard our sides hurt.
Last week I was flipping through the Netflix catalog online and found the movie.  I ordered it and today it came in the mail.

This is thee worst case of ‘The Book Was Better Than The Movie’.

The book is one of the best books I have ever read in my life, but this movie is the worst I have ever seen…and I’ve seen “Muriel’s Wedding.”

Buy the book, read it & love it.  Do NOT rent the movie. Ever.

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22
Aug
*dancing the jig*
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


This morning was painless.  Oh Dear God in heaven THANK YOU.

Can you hear that? It’s called ‘sweet sweet silence’.  I can actually hear the dog in the kitchen licking the tile.  I can hear the silent hum of my computer. I can

hear the Starbucks coffee as it hits my stomach.

Things I can do right now:

1. Go pee with the door wide open and not have to be yelling, “I’m peeing!!” the whole time in fear of someone walking in.

2. I can take a shower and sing without a crowd of young girls at the door staring at me like I am slaughtering a small animal in there with me.

3. I can walk out the door without having to explain where I am going to 5 different children I come across on my path to the car.

4. In theory, I could clean the house and it would stay that way until 3pm. I say, ‘in theory’ because there is no way in hell i’m going to waste this time…

CLEANING.

5. I don’t have to look for ANYTHING. I could just sit here and not have to worry about anything that is floating around in this strange vortex of missing

objects.

6. I could call my sister back, but calling her back within an hour of her calling and leaving a message would, at her ripe old age, give her a heart attack.  I

might need to wait a day or two.

7. I could take off my clothes and walk into the kitchen. I won’t because it scares the dogs.

8. I could open a candy bar and not have to worry about being quiet about it because my children have super sonic hearing and can hear a Hershey’s wrapper

opening a mile away.

9. I could at any point today walk into the kitchen and not see Tyler on the computer or playing his video game that I have told him to put away a hundred

times in the last week alone.

10. I could try that, ‘folding and hanging’ of clothes that Soozie spoke of.

I will do none of this because i’m just going to sit in the middle of the bed and close my eyes and listen to the dog licking the tile in the kitchen for the next  5

hours.
This is going to be a good school year.



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21
Aug
Oh hell no, it’s going to be different this year!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
Last year I was all, “OMG, I can’t believe I miss my kids…it’s the first day of school and it’s too quiet….”

If today has been an example of the stuff I won’t have to deal with during the day, I WILL dance that jig after I drop them off and the house is just me & dogs.

Things that DO NOT go well with PMSing.

1. The dentist unable to find out what is wrong with Kara’s tooth.
2. Children unable to understand a single thing I tell them.
3. Back to school shopping.
4. The kids bathroom. EW. Gross.
5. Sitting on the toilet in the kids bathroom and sliding off because it didn’t get fixed.
6. My bathroom garbage. I know i’m not the only one that throws stuff away, WHY am I the only one to empty that sucker?
7. My space.  Not MySpace, but MY SPACE.  It’s not MY space anymore. It’s all amess.
8. The night before the first day of school.
9. The boy and the dog he walks for like 4.9 minutes.
10. Do I really have to go on?

SPF:

1. Stuff that annoys the living shit out of you.
2. YOUR space.
3. Something in your life that keeps the makers of Xanax in business.

No really…this is your assignment.  GET ANNOYED WITH ME PEOPLE.

I just had to empty a trash can that by the looks of it hasn’t been emptied since…DEAR GOD THE LAST TIME I CLEANED THE BATHROOM….and THERE

WERE SPIDERS BACK THERE! fucking spiders. WEBS and shit.

Oh God, the kids’ bathroom.  I’ve been in some shady ass bathrooms before and NONE were worse than that bathroom. OMG. GROSS.

Yes, I tend to get a bit cussy when I am annoyed.

Come back Tuesday after 9am when I have posted this year’s back to school picture and if I can pull it off, I will Utube myself dancing that fucking jig.

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31
Aug
It feels like i’m starting all over again…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


This summer Shaun’s little sister and soon-to-be husband moved out to the town we live in.   They have a 5 year old girl who use to be in day care during the

day, but would be starting school this year.

They checked on prices for before and after school programs and the prices were just crazy.  I offered to watch her before and after school since I was lucky

enough to be home anyway.

I’m sort of a creature of habit. I do the same things every day and change sort of freaks me out.  Because I had so much help when I needed it, this was my

way of putting that good Karma and ‘pay if forward’ stuff out there.
Last year my kids figured out how to get up, get dressed and make my life easier in the morning. It was the first year I that I didn’t feel like I was going to run

my kids over in the car once they hit the crosswalk to go to school.  Last year was good, and this year was going to be a walk in the park.  Then I signed up

for Jess.  She’s a redheaded firecracker.
Some of you remember, I mentioned in passing, that I had been involved in a hit and run.  I didn’t want to make a big deal about it and freak people out…but

it totally trashed the back of my minivan and I couldn’t drive it anymore because it broke the brake light that coudn’t be put back because of the structural

damage…and I looked ghetto. REAL GHETTO.
You wouldn’t think that would be a big deal if you had any idea of the many different ghetto cars my mother was forced to shove us kids in, but it bothered

me.
I finally decided to take it in to find out how much it would cost to fix.  FIVE GRAND to fix it.  I don’t have 5 grand. We took my van in to CarMax and they gave

me a great price so I bought a Ford Windstar…and then brought it back the next day because IT SUCKED.  I am now in a minivan that looks JUST like the old

one I had, except it’s a ’01 and it has power everything.  I love it. It’s better than the newer one I had. It fits all the kids and Jess.  Yet it brings me back to

‘creature of habit’.

There is a huge, huge, huge age gap between 5 and 8.  It’s only a few years, but I had forgotten how much attention a 5 year old needs.
Every morning Jess gets here and we take Shea and Alyx to school and then come home, crawl back into bed and watch “Dora” and “Blue’s Clues”.  (I can

sing the ‘mail song’ PERFECTLY)
The strange part about my starting over, is it is EXACTLY what I needed.  It forces me to get out of the house in the middle of the day to drop off this little brat

and get back out and pick her up. It forces me to change my morning schedule of CNN to Nick (please tell me if something important is going on in the world,

because I don’t get to watch ANY news anymore!!)

It wasn’t the best time for me to restart being a ‘little kid mom’ again, because of the meds…but it’s good.
Now, I just want to say…for all you parents with 5 year olds and you’re like, “Oh man…I feel it.”   Just know that in a couple years, it gets easier and just enjoy

this time because even as painful as it is to have to hang outside the classroom and listen to little kid conversations, mingle with other parents that are snooty

& watching cartoons instead of news.  It goes by fast.

I’m lucky enough to get to do this all over again without more stretch marks, labor and changing diapers…and those horrible years before you get to 5.

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30
Aug
I have an idea who started this.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
Scotty G and Closet Metro have been gracing the internet with pee-pee tingle causing serenading, but I know who started it all.

If you’ll remember back in ’04 I got my, then boyfriend, to sing as Goofy.

Oh, you missed that?  CLICK HERE to see my, now husband, making a fool of himself and making the internet love him JUST THIS MUCH MORE!!

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30
Aug
i’m too old for the rides though.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


I had been given a whole weeks notice that Dan wanted me to go to the fair with him and the girls. Shaun and I had geared ourselves up to go. Tuesday was

kids night and everything was cheaper.

Tuesday afternoon I decided there had to be a better way to spend the night then driving all the way into Sacramento, battling traffic, paying for parking and

dealing with all those kids juked up on sugar and deep fried Twinkies.

The kids were having NONE of it. Their father had told them every single day that we were all going to the fair on Tuesday. Mom, Shaun, Tyler and Marina and

Dad and the girls, a big ol’ family going to the fair.
I called Dan mid-day and I told him I was trying to find a better thing for all of us to do, like bowling or something. He started to whine. He wanted to go to the

fair.

Me, being the nicest wife in the whole wide world, threw myself in front of the bus and said that Shaun wasn’t going to go, and Tyler didn’t want to go because

he barfed last year at the fair and now has a bad taste in his mouth about the fair (pardon the pun) So it would be all us girls. (I will be rewarded later for this)

‘Cita and her family decided to meet us there. THANK GOD. I had so much fun! Her husband likes to go on all the scary rides so we we drug Marina, Kara,

Kyle and his daughter on all the cool rides. Even my little Alyx went on some scary rides!
Shea, she doesn’t like anything that goes faster than she can walk. She doesn’t like heights. She would wrestle with a tiger before she would go on the ferris

wheel…but for some strange reason she decided she wanted to go on the rock wall.
Well, here is a waste of 5 bucks because she’s going to get that harness on and change her mind. Ohhhh, how wrong I was. She got ALL THE WAY TO THE

TOP!
This is the kid that would complain about having to crawl to the top bunk!



I had promised myself that this year I wouldn’t be riding any of the rides. Every year I fall into the trap of going on the rides and the next day I feel like I have

been beat up by 3 carnies. I lasted about ten minutes before I was like one of one of the 4 girls, “Dan, Dan, give me a ticket, I wanna ride THAT onnnnnnne!!”
He passed out the tickets and Kara and I would find seats next to each other. I was so excited when Kara decided she liked going on scary rides, because I

finally had a ‘riding buddy’ She will ride anything now and I was ready to ride the biggest ride with her until ‘Cita tackled me to the ground and pointed out

that I would be hobbling around for the next two months if I tried it.
I may have moped around for 10 minutes and whined about not being able to go, but she said I would thank her tomorrow. Today is tomorrow and ‘Thank

you, ‘Cita’…i’m already hurting and I didn’t go on the big ride.


There was this one ride that I did get to go on and, whoa…it was so cool. I don’t normally get scared at rides from a fair, but this one got me. We all got off the

ride and the only person that didn’t go on it was ‘Cita so she was bombarded with 6 people all squealing about how much fun it was when we got off. I think I

was the loudest.

I had fun. On the way home the kids were starting to doze off and Dan told me how he had taken the Shea over to some of the animals and he said at least 3

times that he had fun. I’m glad that we went.

When we got home the kids passed out and Shaun asked me how the night went. He had seen me moping around the house whining like a 4 year old before

we left about how I didn’t want to go, so he was ready to hear some horror stories.

“It was fun. I’m glad we went.” I then told him how the whole night he treated my new daughter as if she were his own. he bought her dinner, gave her tickets

and made sure she was safe.

So once again, please remind me when I start calling my ex-husband a dumbass, that he was willing to drag all of us to the fair, pay for it all and still walk

away with a smile on his face and say he had fun.

SPF:
1. Show your Support (everyone supports something right?)
2. Show me your sacrifice (everyone makes them right?)
3. Something red.

It’s an easy one this week.

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28
Aug
Eeek.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


A lot of people go by made-up names on their blogs.  I’ve said it before, I’m too lazy for that.  I don’t ever try to hide my blog, yet I do nothing to promote it.
Everyone I ‘know’, knows I have a blog and i’m not usually shocked when they say ‘Oh, yeah…I read your blog.”

Every now and again, I get that shock.  The first time is when I found out that Tyler’s girlfriends’ mom (did I say that right?) read my blog.  I thought for

certain she was going to make her daughter break up with him because, ‘hello, step mom is a freak of nature.’  She said she thought it was great and wished

she could open up like I did.
*Shewwwww*

Last night at a fundraiser for a little boy who lives in our town that has cancer, I got that shock again.

I was handing out my business card (yes, I was social, I talked, I handed out cards…the meds MUST be working) and he said, “Oh I know where to find you.”

I had to think about it for a second and remembered that we are both parents that watch over our kids on MySpace and had chatted a little bit there.
“Oh yeah!! MySpace.”  I was so proud of myself. Yes, the medicine is making me forgetful, but I still have some braincells left.
Then he says, “Yeah, Random and Odd dot com.”

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.   I figured he must have made a mistake and got that mixed up with my MySpace and ignored it.

Later that night I asked him again how he knew about the dot com side of me.   “You have it linked.”  I thought for sure I had removed all links to my blog on

MySpace…but then I remembered, it’s linked on my Flickr site.

After talking to him for awhile I PRETTY sure he’s going to still let his daughter hang out with my daughter.  His wife is as cute as a button and totally down to

earth.  He’s totally cool and the type of guy you would want to hang with too.  So, I guess it’s okay.

I’m just hoping they don’t go back through the archives and read about the boob stuff.  How totally embarrassing would THAT be?

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06
Sep
For those fans of the first video…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


Shaun has taken the first video to the next level:

Click Here.

I want this one to reach at least a hundred comments, cause really…this deserves it!

Comments (63)  //  Add Comment
06
Sep
I love the news!!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


My mornings this year are different than they have been in the past. I have Jes in the mornings so that means no more headline news or CNN. I’m back to

watching cartoons and t.v. shows that make me want turn and bite her as she giggles as if THIS show is the best thing since tear free shampoo.

This morning before she had a chance to crawl into bed with me, I had turned on the news and made a pot of coffee. She crawled into bed as the Today show

was on and they were promo’ing that Elmo was going to be on. I asked her, “You like Elmo, Jes?” She just smiled like I was an idiot because clearly Elmo is

just for babies and why have I not turned on Spongebob yet?
I then told her how much I LOVE Elmo and I wanted to watch that part and she agreed that it would be alright if I left my television tuned into this show with

people that were not yellow and did not live in a pineapple under the sea.

She was OUT within 5 minutes of watching the headlines. I left on the show and when Elmo came on I got all excited. What? You thought I was kidding about

my love for that red, furry guy? Well, I do love him. Growing up watching Sesame Street I was a Big Bird fan and my brother, Michael, was an Oscar The

Grouch. (Notice I didn’t say ‘fan’?)
When Elmo was introduced to the show I thought he was sort of annoying and then when Rosie went nuts over that stupid “Tickle Me Elmo” doll I about

barfed, but since he shook that image and is just as cute as they come.

All morning I got to watch the news as she snoozed. I was in heaven. I switched from Headline News to CNN and then to local news and then back to CNN and

then I watched Regis and Kelly (and it doesn’t matter how many years that lovely woman is on the show, I will always say the first few syllables of Kathy Lee.

Heaven. She slept all the way to the point of having to wake her up for school.

Hell. Waking up a fiery, red head who didn’t get to watch her programs before school.

Tomorrow we will be watching Spongebob.

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06
Sep
spf this week and an update on this hair.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


Tyler’s birthday is Sept. 12th. He will be turning 16.   We decided that THIS year on 9-11 we are going to have his birthday party and celebrate.  9-11 has always

shadowed his birthday, but this year…it won’t.

This week SPF is all about your world.

You’ve shown me your homes, your cars, your front doors, almost everything IN your house, your favorite things and the stuff that annoys you.    Now you’re

going to show me your world.

My world is driving kids to and from school all day, but you’ve seen pictures of my kids and you know what a mini-van looks like right?   This is a ‘thinking’

SPF.  Yes, no kids…no dogs…no cats.

1. Your Freedom
2. Your Hope
3. Your Wish

Keep in mind, it’s ‘Your World’.
Update on the hair: One of the dogs in the neighborhood came up to say hello to me (shoved her face in my crotch) and I bent down to remove her head and

realized…my hair is the same color as the reddish golden retriever.   I made the mistake of telling Shaun this, he agreed and keeps trying to feed me doggie

treats and keeps saying, “goood girl, who’s my good girl!? commmme on…let’s go…commmmme onnn.”    I married a jerk.

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05
Sep
a message from the red-headed momma…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
The news has been focused on ‘Crikey!’s death and it’s sad and I almost cried because I liked him. He was real, honest and passionate about what he did. I

thought he was so over the top and it was all a show until I started seeing the 700 interviews he did with everyone and I realized years ago, ‘that dude is just

juked up on life and really happy with it!’ and you have to respect that.

That’s not what this post is about. This post is about the dad that ran out on the field at a pop-warner football game and knocked down a kid that just did a

WAY late hit on his son.
I’ve watched this video where the kid with the ball gets tackled and like 4 long seconds later out of nowhere this kid just comes and blasts this other kid that

was NO WHERE near the ball. The kid was being a dick. Then out of NO WHERE comes the assistant coach (who is also the father of the kid that just knocked

down) and just NAILS the kid from behind and the kid goes flying.

At first I thought, “OMG, I can’t believe he did that!” and since I then I have watched it like 10 times (our news sucks, right now I am watching a band of four

old men playing dixie music on banjoes) and the more I watch it…the more my parental crap kicks in and I think, “I might very well have done the same damn

thing.” (Yes, I said that outloud…the dog is watching me from the door and If I read to her she doesn’t chew up things)

Wouldn’t you? I mean…yes, the kid is in a sport where he’s going to get knocked down…but we don’t know the back story behind the little shit that did the

late hit. He very well might have been a little prick the whole game doing stuff like that and the parent (who is also the assistant coach…heee hee, I almost

wrote couch) decided he just needed to be knocked in the grass.
Who knows…but I think I might be a parent like that…one that would tackle a kid on a field for being mean to my kid.

Probably a good thing my kids don’t play sports huh?

(if you made it through this post and had any idea what I was talking about and followed what I said…wow, you are more talented than I give you credit for)

UPDATE:  CLICK HERE TO VIEW THE STORY & VIDEO

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04
Sep
it says, “Don’t worry if you don’t get desired color result”
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
Shaun and I shot a birthday party for an 80 year old man this weekend. I hope when I am his age I am surrounded by the wonderfully colorful people he has in

his life.

As I was getting ready I decided that I should straighten my hair and that is when I noticed the 2 inches of roots I had totally not even noticed. I tried to

remember the last time I had my hair done and it was exactly a week before the wedding…It’s been two months!

When we downloaded the pictures from the shoot, Shaun showed me one he captured of me trying to get a screaming child to be quiet and eat his food by

taking his picture and then showing him the picture saying, “Look at you! You’re in my camera!!” I actually like the picture because it shows ME as the person

I am…but holy crap, THE ROOTS!



So I rushed out, called my sister and talked her about what color I should get. After about 15 minutes of back and forth of ‘should I get this one or this one?’ I

finally picked one knowing that no matter how bad I did, my sister could always fix it.

Yeah, she’ll be fixing it.



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31
Aug
SPF: no theme, just stuff.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


What I support:



The little boy in our town has Lukemia. His family has been through hell and back and needed some help.  I’m honored to say that my friend put together this

whole fundraiser and dinner to earn some money for him.  I’m also honored to be a part of this community that came together for him.

To see the whole set of pictures Click Here.

Something You Sacrifice:



I sacrifice a lot of things. My time, my sleep, my money.  It just didn’t seem as important as this one thing I sacraficed many years ago.  My friendship.  I was

young, stupid and on a very high horse.
I gave up a friendship…and that means I lost many, many years of a friendship I had learned to value.  I’ve told her I am sorry, but I really just don’t think

there is enough ‘i’m sorry’s in this world.
She called me the other day and said, “I just had an urge to call you and tell you I love you.”  It’s strange how words can heal certain places in your life that

you thought would never feel just right.  I love you too, Ruka…more than you’ll ever know.

Something Red:



Well, kinda.  It’s one of the more artistic pictures i’ve taken.  This weekend I plan on spending some really quality time with my husband.  We have no plans

after the other parents pick them up for the long weekend.

There is a good chance we might lay in bed, watch movies and eat the whole box of cookies that Maria sent us.

Hope everyone has a good weekend.

Did anyone else play?  Probably not. ;)

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18
Sep
he has turned against me!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


I am just freaking the fuck out right now. Was it the THOUSAND DOLLAR FUCKING CELL PHONE BILL? noooooooooooo, but that might have a little bit to do

with it.

My friend, Bryan. The ‘he’s so gay he might actually turn pink’ Peter Jennings loving fag. Yes, that friend…The friend I called my bestest friend in the whole

wide world and knew more about me than me. The friend who was sposta live with me for 3 days and it turned into like 5 years and if he could have, would

have given birth to Kara for me. The guy who bought me Hostess Cherry Pies and Soda while I was pregnant so he could come in the house and not hear me

scream his name over and over until he finally decided he would rather be gay then ever get a woman pregnant. Yes, that Bryan…the reason I am going to rot

in hell (says some churches and family members) because I supported his gay lifestyle.

HE JUST TOLD ME HE IS DATING WOMEN!

Hello? I am rotting in hell for him and he’s touching boobies?

I’m tempted to drive to his man lovin apartment and shove a male stripper right down his throat!

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18
Sep
Cosmic…zzzzzzzzzzz.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


Shaun and I brought the kids to his neices birthday party. They turned one this week and I have NEVER in my life seen more presents. If you don’t believe

me, check my Flickr site and check the loot those little, bald headed princesses got.

In the middle of the excitement of the twin’s party, one of his Uncles asked if Shaun was going to church. Shaun came in and gave me the warning that the

‘church topic’ was out there and he wanted to give me a heads up.

I don’t normally talk about that because everytime I open my mouth about stuff that people have a strong opinion about, it’s usually ends with me getting me

a bucket full of hate mail or glares from family members. Worth it? Nope.

National Geographic has a million different types of shows. Most of them are about how shit was created. The Sun, The Moon, The Earth, Clam Chowder. I

Tivo all that stupid stuff because I need something to watch that will knock me out when I can’t sleep. There really is no hope of me ever being a scientist

because I would fall asleep in class once they say, ‘cosmic’.
This last week was a Xanax and two Benedryl night. After I realized that wasn’t even working, I turned on “Naked Science” and watched, “How the Universe was

Created” I made it half way through the show before I passed out. During the whole time I was watching it I was amazed at all the ‘other’ option. It wasn’t just

God saying, “Let there be light.” there was a scientific reason of where all this stuff came from.
I watched the remaining part of the show the next night and was excited. It gave me another way to look at things and how things could have been created.

I told Shaun, “I’m not worried, if he asks me if I go to church, I’ll just tell him I watch National Geographic.”

At the party I looked around at all the twins, triplets and babies. I got down on the floor and bonded with this one baby boy that giggled when I played peek a

boo. His mother handed me a bottle and I sat on the couch and fed him. He looked around the world with wonder and at my face probably thinking, “Whoa,

who is this weird chick with the bad hair?” Everytime I popped up this one toy while he was eating, he laughed. It brought little tears to my eyes. He reached

up and grabbed my hair and stared at it. His little feet kicked with excitement when I talked him in my dorky kid voice.

Sorry National Geographic…there is nothing cosmic about that little face that smiled up at me. That little package of perfectness was from a higher being.

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15
Sep
SPF: Shaun’s Bright Idea…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


Shaun, who is DEAD asleep next to me, decided he was going to SPF this week.  I see that he didn’t do SPF.

The last two days hit us with a curve ball we weren’t expecting and honestly it’s not something I want to talk about here or anywhere else for that matter. It’s

something I want to put behind me and move on.  I’m not sure if I can ever erase the feeling it has given me in the pit of my stomach for the past 24 hours.

Shaun took today off so we could mentally take in the blindesiding we got and honestly I think the last thing he was thinking of was Stuff Portrait Friday. I

don’t blame him. I have been popping Xanax like Tic-Tacs.

For the past month a few things have added to the weirdness.  Less than a month ago while out in the woods, my father came across a dead body.  My mother

listens to a scanner and knows all the codes (yes, she is that cool) and when it was reported in it had the code of ‘dead body found’ and then my father’s

address.  I can’t imagine what that would be like.
The Christie Wilson case is starting jury selection.  A body was found in the woods, but they can’t be certain it’s hers.
Shaun’s cousin-in-laws’ dad fell from his roof and is in a coma.  While dealing with that, the same cousin-in-law’s cousin died.
A woman from Shaun’s work lost her soon-to-be ex husband in a motorcycle accident. They have two children that are destroyed with grief.

Just when you think the world around you is going crazy, but you still have the safety of your family…you’re blindesided.

I’m not going to talk about it.  Just know that everything is going to be fine.

To my family that didn’t get a phone call from me today, i’m sorry…it’s just been a  ‘hide under the cover day’.  I will call you today and tell you what’s going

on. I promise.  Christina, I love you. Thank you for your message. I love hearing your voice on my machine.  Thank you for coming back into my life.

Someone asked, “What song always makes you cry?”  Just to be close to you by the Commodores.  It just seems fitting that this song would come on as I am

typing this.

Cheer me up, Tell me you played.

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14
Sep
one minute after another…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
Today is a quiet day.
The past few days our town has been full of smoke from a fire miles away and you can’t really go outside without wanting to cough.
Today is overcast and cool.  I turned down the television and I can hear the kids playing during P.E. at the middle school.
I wonder if she is one of the girls I hear up there.
What did people say about her hair today?
Did someone pick on her and hurt her feelings?  Did people love it and like her father said, ‘did it set her free’?
What will come of the new hair color?

I’ve been down most of the morning. Mostly on the verge of tears thinking about everything there is to think about. Worried about everything there is to worry

about. Worrying about old things from my past and things that haunt my future.
The medicine doesn’t seem to be working today.  My head is full of ghosts.

I am forgetting the fine art of breathing…and it has nothing to do with the smoke that still lingers in the air.

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13
Sep
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


Dear Auntie Kathy,

I figured I looked SO much like you and not so much like my mother that I would dye my hair in hopes of looking even more like you.

I hope you are pleased with the results and come adopt me so I can live in a house that is quiet,filled with homebaked goodies and my grandma.

All my love,
Your daughter Niece Kara

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12
Sep
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random

We interrupt your regularly scheduled blog for a very special post.  Hey everyone, Shaun here.  SPF-napping this bad boy this week.  I’ll claim to be giving

Kristine a much-needed break, but the truth is I wanted to do a TV-related SPF. Every good American is friends with TV, so it’s time to honor our warm-

glowing companion.  this will also allow you to go simple or creative.

Your TV

OK, doesn’t get much easier than this.  Take a picture of your TV.  You can be lame and just take a picture, or you can get creative and take a picture of your

TV with your favorite show, movie, etc. on it.  Get all Vanna white and model with that sucker. OK, there’s your easy one.  It gets harder.

Your Show

Sell us your TV show.  This can be a show about you, your weird uncle who lives in the hall closet, or just a show that you’ve been dying to see on TV but the

networks haven’t been smart enough to think of.  This one might be more writing than portrait, but be creative.  Design a title or take a picture of your boobs

(there, happy Kristine?), then tell us your idea.

The New Member of the Cast

OK, hear me out on this.  When sitcoms start falling apart, like all of your lives, they just add a new character or replace an old one.  For some reason, they

think this’ll kickstart new interest in a lame show.  Did any of you reallllly reconsider The Brady Bunch once Cousin Oliver joined?  When old Japanese Arnold

was replaced by old Italian Al on Happy Days, did you care?  Three’s Company went from Chrissy to the lame chick whose name I don’t remember to Terri.

Most shows try this when they get desperate, and since your life is so stagnant that you’re reading this crap, you get to add or change one character in your

life.  If you’re replacing your boss with George Clooney, show us and tell us how this will make you a happier camper.  If you’re adding Eva Longoria as your

new French maid or Geroge W. Bush as your wacky next door neighbor, tell us about it.  Again, be creative.  You might have to google a pic, might have to

actually put some creativity in this one.

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11
Sep
Happy 16th Birthday, Tyler
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


Sept, 12th is actually his birthday, but because 9/11 is such an emotional day for everyone and cast a ‘low’ feeling on everyone, we decided to make this day a

happy day.

I woke up at 4 am this morning with what felt like an allergic reaction.  I had to take a couple Benedryl and fought the swollen roof and extreme itchyness.  I

could feel the under part of my tounge starting to swell and I was salivating WAY too much.  The Benedryl kicked it’s butt…and then kicked mine.
Shaun stayed home and took care of me and got the kids to school.

At 5 pm we took Tyler’s friends to the bowling alley and had a blast.  Even though I spent all day watching 9/11 coverage, when the kids were out there

laughing and having so much fun…I embraced it more closely.

Sixteen was a big year for me and for Shaun.  I remember mine like it was just yesterday and I really shouldn’t have been allowed to have THAT much fun.

90% of what I did was illegal in all 50 states.  So if Tyler wanted to take his friends bowling and play lazer tag, I was more than willing to fork out the money for

them all to be safe, with us & not out in the woods having a bonfire the size of a small forest fire, drinking Vodka and mudbogging through puddles as deep

as most swimming pools.  There were NO cops chasing a hundred of his closest friends out of the woods with the lights and sirens blaring.  We certainly were

not throwing bottles of booze out of the window just in case we got caught.

Nope, we had a nice, normal party at the bowling alley.
What did you all do on your 16th birthday?  Would you let your kids do it?

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11
Sep
Never Forget
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
Not that you could get away from it if you tried.  Rather than posting a big story about where I was or who was to blame, or how America has changed since

9/11/2001, I decided to limit this post to one man that died on September 11.

Kevin Cosgrove was a 46 year old claims vice president from Aon Corporation, which was located on the 105th floor of the World Trade Center, Building One.

After calling several relatives, he called 911 for help.

Kevin was not a fireman, not a police officer.  He was just a guy going to work.  We all have devastating images burned into our memories from this day. But

in the trial of Zacarius Moussaoui, Kevin’s 911 call was the audio that was played.

THIS is Kevin’s final call.

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09
Sep
Talk About Night and Day
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
I shot two bridal showers today.

One was at a church. The other had two stippers.

Which pictures should I upload to my Flickr?

(Yes, I realize it says ‘stippers’ without the R. I am avoiding being targetted for s p a m.)

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07
Sep
SPF: your world
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


I’ve been thinking about this assignment since I handed it out.  I had it all figured out and how I was going to do it and of course as I grab the camera I

decided that was all wrong and I should do what I REALLY think and not try to be all funny.  If you want funny, watch Shaun as he’s watching football…or the

video before this. Both, equally as funny.

Your Freedom:



I was originally going to show you my divorce papers (in an artistic way) because that was the word I used most often when I was going through all the BS

when I was an idiot and didn’t actually GET the divorce and waited until almost too late.  The more I thought about the word ‘Freedom’ and my personal

freedom, this seems to be more important than the actual papers.

So many people get divorces and are never truly ‘free’.  They are in court battling the other parent, using visitation and child suport as  ways to get at each

other.  They are going to court to defend the person they are.  They are emotionally and physically drained after every single drop off and pick up.  They live

in fear of the other parent trying to get full custody.  They have to deal with new spouses that just want to stir up shit.  The child/children are torn between

having to deal with two adults that can’t act like two adults and that are setting the worst possible example of how to behave.

It’s hard though. It’s hard to be the bigger person because you if for one second you’re not on your toes and waiting for the other shoe to drop…it will drop

and if you’re not ready to fight, you lose your kids.  That is NOT freedom.  That is living hell.

This picture shows my freedom from all that.  This is Dan taking me, our girls, and my new step daughter to the fair.  He was going to bring Shaun and Tyler

too, but those two would rather sit around and talk about tampons than go to the state fair.  This is my freedom. This is the reason I can breathe at night.

Because we can communicate. Because we can see the bigger picture. Because he clearly has NO life.

My Hope



I have Hope that I will make back to Maui soon.  I have Hope that the kids will be there with us.

My Wish:



I wish that all the bills get paid, the NEW BLOG FROG doesn’t get lost in the mail like the last one and that my daughter can brush her own damn hair

tomorrow morning.

DID YOU PLAY?

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27
Sep
tender moments.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


Last weekend Dan (my ex — who had all the kids that weekend) came over and asked us if we wanted to to go to San Fran. with him and seeing that we were

doing that ‘humming and hawing’ thing we do so well everytime someone comes over and we can’t figure out what to do to entertain them, we decided to

follow him.  Old & Broken Fonz in tow.

Okay, i’m coming clean here. The medication SUCKS. I don’t want to do anything anymore. I don’t even have the desire to go out and take pictures, BUT the

house is staying clean because something in the pill makes me cringe at the sight of a pile of papers.
I handed Kathy the camera and let her take pictures.   She got a lot of great ones, but then she started to complain that it was too heavy and gave it back to

me.  I seriously took maybe 20 pictures all weekend.
I have this thing, I think I can fix people.  I think I JUST MIGHT have all the answers.  I want to make everything better for everyone else.
I am the human crash test dummy. I have been there, done that, got the t-shirt.  I figure since I have already hit the airbag and flown through the windshield

that there is NO reason why you should have to. Just listen to me and I will fix you. I will take your broken hand I will fix it with my own.
Yes, I might be THAT vain.

My sister caught this moment on camera.  Me telling my mother who has beaten 5 children into great adults, killed two ex husbands and probably ran over at

least a dozen pedestrians to give me her gentle hand so I can fix it.  I put her cold hand in my own and I rubbed it softly.  “Better.”  “No.” I would rub some

more and keep asking. She finally said, “Yes.” and I think it was so I would let her go whimper under the bench in pain.

As we were downloading the pictures and I was ‘awwwing’ over the shot Kathy had gotten, I noticed the other people in the picture.
HELLO, is she wearing GREEN TIGHTS and PUMPS?

Now don’t judge me.  I’m the person that would be ambushed in the mall for a ‘What the hell were you thinking when you dressed yourself this morning?’

show.  I am the reason the word “Fugly” exisists.  Someone walked into my closet and said, “WHOA, where did you get all this Fu*** Ugly Sh**?”
I am the reason those reality shows do so well, because I can’t dress myself, but HELLO?? GREEN TIGHTS AND PUMPS?

My broken mom left me a pair of pants she doesn’t like because they have no pockets and I think a shirt that my sister picked out for her.
When my friend Nancy saw me she summed it up pretty well, ‘it’s as if your mother and sister had a child and this is the result.’

I am my mother and sister’s daughter.

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26
Sep
Muse me…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


Adorable huh?

It’s  Tuesday and you’ll all waiting eagerly for me to post my SPF assignment.

I know you all don’t care what I had for lunch, but how about what I ate for dinner?  I just found out that I kick ass at making steaks!  I had never made one

before so I got out The Fonz‘s cast iron skillet and fried one up.  I am a steak making machine!   Tonight I took a break and I made a bad ass pot roast.   I am

on a ROLL!  Tomorrow, I will probably try something and ruin it, but i’m kicking ass this week.

Shaun told me last week after a mini melt down that he doesn’t want me in the bedroom anymore.  HOLD UP, that didn’t come out right.  He still WANTS me in

the bedroom, he just doesn’t want me living in there during the day.  I’m a hybernater. I tend to make a ‘safe’ place and just stay there.  My bedroom is my

‘safe’ place and it got to the point where I had not been in the living room in almost 2 months. Yes, it gets that bad.

Being that i’m so close to the kitchen for the past couple of days, I am reminded that I’m the wife and I need to stick it in the pan and fry it up while my man is

at work.  Yeah, that sounded so 1950′s.

Where was this post going? Oh yeah, SPF.  Stuff Portrait Friday.

Muses.

1. SomeTHING (not someone) that inspires you to do what you do. (work, hobby, donate, create..whatever)
2. Something you don’t like to read about on blogs.  (yes, you can find a picture to describe this)
3. Something that inspires you to write on your blog (I just wrote plog…lol)

Can you say MEDICATED?

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25
Sep
You all SUCK!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


Get it yet? okay, well let me keep going with the post and you can see how I tied all this shit in together.
I need a new vacuum cleaner. I have been saying it for years and I am finally caving in and buying one.
I need your help.

What type of vacuum do you have?
Do you love it?
What do you not like about it?
Is it loud?
Is it heavy?
If you could get a new vacuum cleaner * what kind would you get?

*Note: Dyson users, just shut up because I can’t afford it so don’t be telling me how much you love your sucker. Besides, Pissy is dead to me for subjecting

her child to the doodlebobs.

I’m buying a sucker THIS WEEK, so help a blogger out.  Spread the word on your blog if you have to. Take polls, do door to door questioning…i don’t care,

but I need to know this information.  The last time I bought a vacuum cleaner was 13 years ago.
The only thing: I don’t want no cheap sounding, wwwwwwwwwwwhhhhhhhirrrrrlllllllllllllllly kind, you know the one that is SUPER LOUD to make up for it’s

small penis sucking power.   I just want one that Isn’t all cheap feeling. I want it to suck the living hell out of my carpet.  I want it to work so well my carpet

actually loses color after i’m done.

Am I asking to much? Give up the doodlebobs, tell me my boobs look great and do a good suck job.


*click here to see why this picture relates to the post, if you don’t already get it.

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25
Sep
Taking A Stand!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
The Doodlebops.

This is just WRONG.  This more wrong than Barney and Teletubbies.  WRONG I SAY!

If you don’t have kids and you don’t have to watch this show, DON’T.  Don’t even click the link because I know most of you have anxiety problems.
If you have kids and you let them watch this…BAD PARENT! BAD BAD BAD!  I swear if you post picture of your kids dressed like any of those Doodlebops for

Halloween I will flag your picture as ABUSIVE!
If you have little kids and you are taking a stand against these creepy little suckers…come here…I wanna give you a hug.

Soooooooo. wrong.  I can avoid that channel on my tv when Jessie is here in the morning, but then they throw that crap on THE TODAY SHOW. That’s MY

show, keep those creepy little bastards off there!  I would rather look at pictures of TomKat’s baby!

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25
Sep
not too bad for a woman who’s going to be grandma!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


My sister is so hot. She’s also going to go to heaven for not smothering my mother while she slept on Saturday night.

They came down Friday night and my sister chopped off my hair and dyed it back to the color she knows is best for me.  My mom stayed up past her bed time

of 9:00 pm and decided being the martyr she is that she would sleep on the couch.
My mom is weird though. She sleeps with her hands tucked under her hips when she sleeps.  Don’t get me started on all the pillows she has to have; one for

the neck and then one tucked under each arm, legs…i’m sure she has little toe pillows.  Well, she slept wrong and her hand fell asleep and now it’s broken.

Don’t ask, she’s old, she’s broken.
The next day we drug her to San Francisco.

She couldn’t move her hand.  She had to pee every hour on the hour. See where i’m going with this?
Kathy and I have a nice, soft cloud in heaven for taking turns on who would pull up her pants.  Kathy  will also be spending some time doing heaven

community service for TAKING PICTURES OF ALL OF THIS.

Shaun has secured his rightful spot as ‘best son in law’ and ‘husband who will still have sex’ for not posting the pictures on Flickr.

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22
Sep
Holy Shit, it worked!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
My sister called me this morning as I am dropping off the kids to school.  Keep in mind, I am not awake while I am driving my kids to school. My eyes are

open and I am driving, but not awake.
“You are dead to me. DEAD I SAY!”  If it didn’t say, “Sisser Ween” on my caller ID, I would have no idea who was calling me and threatening me.
“Why? What did I do now?” and then I remember, “Oh because I posted a picture of you passed out with underwear on your head?”

It worked though, My mom and sister are coming down. Either to hang out or kick my ass.  I don’t care, THEY ARE COMING HERE TO SEE ME.

Good thing, because next week I was going to post this picture.

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21
Sep
SPF: spewing tuna fish makes for a lame spf. sorry.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


Another week just snuck up on me and I didn’t have the time or energy to put the thought into like I wanted to. I owe you all something, so I am going to do

what I do best, be honest.  I hope the pictures explain it.

Something I have Outgrown:

I thought of putting all the pairs of jeans gathering in my closet having a happy size 10 party or the sweatshirts that for some reason are to short in the arms.

Do your arms get longer as you get older?
Instead of give you..


I have outgrown the childish game of getting my sister drunk and putting ‘the underwear’ on her head and taking pictures while she is passed out.  That is so

childish and I will not take part in it anymore.  I mean, until I find the place she hid them last!!

Something I have overcome:


This. I have over come THIS. I know it doesn’t look like much to you, but growing up here and what this house symbolizes is HUGE for me.  I’ve let go of all

that stuff that happened and the people we were when we lived here.
I need help with…


Smiling through the pain.  I was going through my pictures today trying to find a picture that suits the theme, because I was sick all day and sleeping when I

wasn’t throwing up tuna fish and didn’t have time to actually shoot the pictures.
This picture was taken the day after a very tragic event in my families lives.  My brother, the dorky one between my sister and I, drove all the way from Oregon

to be there for our family during this time.
It’s strange, how during that time we managed to make each other smile and laugh.  Maybe my ‘need help’ should be reconnecting with my family that I feel

so isolated from.  I miss my mom. I miss laying in bed with her and talking about lame things.  I miss my sister and how we can manage to laugh at

everything and sit quietly in each other’s company and enjoy what’s going on around us…and then laugh about it.  I miss my brother Michael when he’s

really in the mood to talk. He tells me lame jokes and I look at him like he’s a moron and he throws things at me.
I miss my heated debates with my dorky brother, Barry when he gets all fired up about something and then you just look at him and say, “Bar, dig yourself?”

and he starts laughing.  Jerry, whoa…I love him SO much.  Him and I have gotten so close in the past few years and I LOVE LOVE LOVE him.

I want us all together…I want the medication only my family can give me.

DID YOU PLAY?  hopefully you didn’t get all mushy and gushy like I did.

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21
Sep
My mother’s favorite revenge…my daughters.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
You know that phrase, “What part of NO do you not understand?”
That phrase was made up by a frustrated mother.

“Mom…” She comes up to the bed where i’m sleeping. She’s using that tone.
“No.”
“Mom.”  Now she’s using a tone that proves that the ‘mom’ before wasn’t as urgent this time.
“No.”
“But mom…” The whine before the ‘but mom’ is her way of boosting this up a level.
“No.”
“You’re not even listening to me!” It’s now a whine with a high pitched tone.
“You’re not staying home from school. No.”
“But mom.”  She has gone back to the ‘but mom’, like she’s going to try reasoning with me.
“No.”
“YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW!”  She’s gone ‘there’ and that requires me to pull out the eyebrow and glare.
“Unless you’re bleeding, a limb from your body is hanging on by the skin or you have a fever so high I can fry an egg on your forehead…YOU ARE GOING TO

SCHOOL.”

Guess what came next?

Yep, The dramatic sigh and stomping out of the room.

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20
Sep
Questions they only ask mom…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


“Kristine, where is a Tennis Ball.”
Now take a moment and think back to all the posts about our Tennis Playing family.  Any come to mind? Yeah, BECAUSE WE DON’T PLAY TENNIS.  We are a

family of geeks, and these geeks don’t play sports.

Marina started Cross Country.  I believe now she knew that Phone Bill was coming and needed to build up endurance to be able to out run my car when I

chased her down to run her over.

When Tyler asks me random questions like this, without thought I begin listing places that you would be able to find a tennis ball in our house.
One day Shea is going to come up to me and ask me where she can find plutonium and i’m going to say, “Check the junk drawer.”

“Wait.” My mind actually kicks in and I have 75 different senarios of what he could do with a tennis ball that involves video games and the computer.  “Why

do you want a tennis ball?”
And then he shocks me, “The dog wants to play.”

Poor Halo. It’s been a year since we got her and In this year Tyler has had a girlfriend, broke up with a girlfriend, is head over heels for someone who wants

nothing to do with him, got a new Guitar Hero set up, got an ACTUAL guitar and went on a 10 day vacation.  She’s BORED to death.

When ever I buy a used car I always wonder ‘why did the person sell this?’  and I start to obsess of the reasons.  There is only 40 thousand miles on it, that’s

not even enough time to wear out the first set of brakes. I wonder if the person didn’t like the sound of the blinker.  Maybe it was in a horrible accident and it

got repaired, but the transmission is going to fall out if I hit a bump.

The dog was a ‘used’ dog.  I wonder if the people who owned her before knew about all the cool little quarks she has and that’s what drove them nuts.  She

licks the tile in the same spot for hours. She stares at the cieling for reflections and if that reflection moves she feels justified on the time she spent staring at

it.  “MOM! did you see that? When you poured your coffee, the light from the coffee pot made a relection on the cieling!! I WILL NOW ATTEMPT TO EAT THAT

REFLECTION!!!” and then she barks for a minute at the relfection.
Anyone that watches the Dog Whisperer knows this isn’t healthy.  I should be sitting next to her correcting this behavior, but I can’t. THIS IS ALL SHE HAS.

Her goal in life is to protect our family from the reflections that haunt our house.

This morning she was over protective. Everytime I took a step she blocked me. I would move to the left and her body would dodge to move me out of the way

of the relflection.
“Halo! stop it.” She didn’t take her eyes off the cieling as I tried to get around her. “Move it.”  She then barked and scared the bejezzus out of me.

“HALLOOOOOO!!” and the more I got worked up, the more excited she got.  “MOVE IT DOG!” I waved my hand to get her to move and that sent her over the

edge at staring and barking at the cieling.

The dog makes me do it everytime. She sits and stares at that cieling and I eventually look up thinking there is going to be some poltergiest up there and

there is nothing but a slight light relflection.
I decided OKAY, this time there is a big blob of demon on the cieling and this will be the last time I fall for it because if I don’t look up the dog will never let

me past her.    I look up and I’LL BE DAMNED, there were millions of reflections just bouncing around up there.

It was the beads and shiny stuff from the trim of my tank top that was catching the light from the kitchen window.  My bouncing boobs excited the dog.

How could you get rid of a dog that recognizes the important things in life? boobs that mezmorize you.

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19
Sep
Soul Catching…up.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
Do you feel like you’ve been pushed out of my life a little lately?
I’m sorry.  I have been pushing.

My mind is overflowing with a million things and then when I sit down and start writing I just either burst into tears or look at my words and say, “Who is this

writing  this? This isn’t me.”

So, for you…I will spill it.  I went to the doctor for a follow up. I need to seek really professional help.  I guess the professional help I started with wasn’t good

enough and the specialist said I needed even someone more special to work with me.  Nice huh?
The pills that I have been force feeding myself aren’t working. I had hopes that the world look a little bit less scary after I started taking the pills.  Maybe I

thought the world would seem ‘rosey’ after a month.  I thought I would laugh more and stop clawing at the top of the car everytime Shaun puts on the brakes.

I thought my mind would stop screaming, “OMG WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE IN A HORRIFIC WRECK!”.
The only thing that seems to help out is the Xanax and that is now more just to fall asleep before 4 am and not sit up all night listening to my hair fall out and

wondering which muscle will start to twitch next.

I had a little scare last week that didn’t help much. It turned out to not be as bad as we had thought and all is right in the world again, but it left me drained

and it took about 2 days for my blood to actually flow through my body.
It’s okay now. Everything is fine.

Yes, a THOUSAND dollar cell phone bill.  I just have to shake my head at my stupidity for laughing at those stupid commercials where people freak out when

they go over their minutes.
Looking at the cell phone bill made me ask myself something, ‘At what point am I spending time with these children that they could spend almost a WHOLE

FULL DAY on the cell phone and I don’t see the phone attached to her head?
She has lost her cell phone for a couple months until I can hooker my ass out on the street and pay this thing off.  Who’s first?

SPF:

1. Something you have outgrown…
2. Something you have overcome..
3. I need help with…
Yeah, we are reaching in and digging around.

Okay, I know I totally left out stuff… you got questions for me? I will do my best to answer them.

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30
Sep
Shaun has been outdone by a man known as Mr. Pissy.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


Here at Random and Odd, we use certain ‘terms’ or sayings that if you haven’t gone back and read all the other stupid posts you might not understand.
Stat counter shows that there is a few new people to the group and I might need to update you all on some of the things we talk about here and what’s

important to know to follow along.

Beat the Children Sunday: Someone asked me why my kids were ‘good’ kids. I told them that I beat them on Sundays and get it out of the way for the whole

week.

Blog This!: 2005 I was going to go to BlogHer, but none of the cool people that read my blog were going to be able to make it during that time. So we came up

with BlogThis! and it’s a pretty much once a year (if money allows) we get together, drink, smoke, light backyards on fire, sing and have crazy wild sex and try

to cram it all into 4 days. It’s a blast and the next one, if you can make it…DO IT.

HAB: Hooker Ass Bitch. It’s a term of endearment that was adopted during BlogThis. If you’re called a HAB, just feel lucky to know that we are comfortable

enough to call you that.

BAH: I sometimes reverse words and letters. Still a term of endearment.

BAMF: It was the name of my camera until Kami stole the name ;) It stand for Bad A** Mother Flower ;). Kami’s camera totally deserves the name. She does

great work with it and it is a BAMF.

Earl and Randy: The name of our Nikons. Mine is Randy (D70s) and Shaun has Earl (D70…his older brother)

The List: Shaun wrote a list of 40 reason’s he loves me (WordPress compressed it when I moved over from blogger, so I need to fix it) . This caused QUITE a

fuss about the internet world because every married man of a woman that read my blog threatened to KILL Shaun with large blunt objects. Some lesbians

even said they would kill him with their bare hands. It was a scary time, but we have now gotten past it and all the women have managed to get Coach bags,

new shoes, or a list of their own out of the deal. Shaun made the husbands of the internet have to ‘put out’.

WELL, Mr. R&O…you have been challenged. Mr. Pissy Britches has outdone even your cute list that makes me swoon when I read it.

To see what we all should expect from here on out… READ THIS. You can then make your husbands read this.

BlogThis will be held at Pissy Britches home this year so all the men of the internet can beat the living hell out of him.

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29
Sep
That’s a negative ghostrider, the pattern is full.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


Okay, Okay, Okay…i’m coming clean here. I didn’t do SPF this week. Shaun did. For those of you that figured it out because of the correct spelling &

complete sentences…Kudos to you.

So what was I doing? I was sqeeeeeeallling all the way to the movie theater with my friend, ‘Cita. They had Flashback Thursday and they were playing Top

Gun! I swear you would think I was 13 years old yesterday. Everytime I thought about getting to go see Top Gun again IN A THEATER, I broke out singing,

“Playyyyinnnn with the boys!”

I had really wanted to do this one and I already had the pictures in my head that I would have used, but when Nancy called 2 hours before the movie started

and was just as excited as I was, we decided we needed to get there early to be certain that we had the perfect spot for the best Top Gun experience.

When Shaun is frustrated with me or thinks i’m being a complete retard about something, he does the big eyes and then the eyeroll. Then he starts in with the

sly comments.

As I am BOUNCING out the door he yells out, “GOOSE DIES!” I was cracking up all the way to the car.

The place was packed! We all sang along with Mav when he sang to Charlie. We all teared up and SOMEONE that drove the car there (not saying names, but

she’s the person I went with) even CRIED when Goose died. At certain parts of the movie we both looked over each other and did the dorky grin.

The most comical part of the movie was when ‘Cita got pissed that Maverick got pulled into more jet wash. She pointed to the screen as if it was just the most

unfair thing.
“There is like 8 planes up there! Why does he keep getting pulled in to the jet wash!?”
It’s hard to believe we have seen that movie more times than we can count and still cry and get pissed at the same parts. We also enjoyed he volleyball scene

a litttttllllllle bit. Only about *this* much.

For the rest of the night after the movie we kept telling each other, “We just saw Top Gun. IN THE THEATER!” and would giggle. Yes, GIGGLE.

I realized that at 34, Viper is WAY hotter than Maverick and Ice Man together.

Shaun sent me this email this morning:

Call me….your phone is going straight to voicemail.

Oh whoops, not that one.. THIS ONE:

Hey honey,

How was your movie? Did Maverick find his need for speed? Did Val Kilmer break three molars with the weirdest air-bite in movie history? Were you, at any

point, in the ‘danger zone’? : )

Hope you and ‘Cita had fun.

Yeah, WE DID!!



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28
Sep
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random

SPF- Muse Myself

SomeTHING that inspires me:


We’re finally getting all professional like with our photography and loving it.  We keep pushing ourselves to produce better and better photos.  We’re investing

in it, and having a great time as we get better.  When I look at our kit, I’m inspired by how far we’ve advanced….and look forward to moving on up!

Something I DON’T like to read about on blogs:


Fake Kids and Family

When Blake finished high school with a 5.7 GPA, he had the worst time choosing between  Yale and Princeton.  He finally decided to attend both.  His little

sister Ashlii was not happy that she had to drive his hand-me-down Jaguar.  I can see her point though, it is black and does NOT do anything for her

complexion.  But I don’t have to tell you people.  You know what I’m talking about…….

OK, I’ve been blessed with real people with real families and stories.  But I HATE reading about the perfect families with no issues.  First of all, it’s boring.

Second of all, its bullshit.  Give me barfing kids, stressed out parents, and boob talk.

Something that inspires me to write my blog:


This is where some of my best work has been done (bow-chicka-bow-bow).  This curse of a comfier than hell bed has sucked me in and forced me to blog my

way out of it, and also has forced me to avoid it to face the mean world of daylight and cooking.  The laptop makes its way onto the bed(the video chat of

Random and Odd is reserved for our paid members….sign up today), and the rants begin.

Did you play?

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28
Sep
Do I have a Job?
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


Before Dan and I got married and had kids, I had a job. TWO, as a matter of fact.
After the kids were born I was BLESSED to be able to stay home with them and take care of them.
Then I lost my mind and I needed to figure out what to do with my life.
I went to college and got my degree in a field that was REALLY outside of my comfort zone.  I worked everywhere from paralegal, court mediation supervisor,

mortgage office manager, cellular property data supervisor and Sunoco quality control manager.

During this time my friend, Lisa took care of my kids.  She drove them to school and picked them up. She made sure they were fed and taken care of. She

made sure they did their homework and she cared for them.
She worked 80% harder than I did.  I got lunch breaks and overtime. I got to talk to adults during the middle of the day and after I got to work, I didn’t have to

get out 4 times to drive anyone anywhere.  I only had to feed myself and the worst part of my jobs was the drive home.    For me to say, ‘You don’t have a job’

to her would have been the biggest slap in the face.

I was informed that I need to get a job.

This isn’t the first time I have heard this in the past couple years that I have been home with the kids.  It’s not the first time I have been pissed off because of

it.

The first time I heard it it came out as, “She better get a job and stop mooching off the men in her life [my ex and Shaun]”
and this time it came out of a casual, “She should have to work too.”
Two different people though.

It got me to thinking last night before I fell asleep.  What job do I NOT have is the question?  The people that said these things put their kids in daycare or

have people take care of them.  Do the people that take care of their children NOT have jobs too?

I’m a day care provider, taxi driver, chef, playground attendant, mediator, health care provider, role model, MAID, accountant, plumber, computer repair

person, personal shopper, time management supervisor, warden…
Can you think of any more?

In a perfect world I would be able to take care of my kids, my step children, my neice and still have a ‘real job’.

Oh, that cute little photography business I have doesn’t really count.  The degree I EARNED doesn’t count for anything. The years I worked are forgotten.  The

‘job’ I have right now means nothing.
I hate bitter people.

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