2007: December - October

30
Dec
Fellow Blogger
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
I’m happy to announce that one of our own, Jean Yates, has gotten her book PUBLISHED!

She is the wonder mother of one of the boys from The Ruse.  Remember them? Hot guys, can sing and are incredibly wonderful humans?  Oh yeah, their

music was played on The Hills.

Jean is one fantastic woman and fabulous mother.

Go check out her book! Order a few!!

Links By Jean Yates

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28
Dec
I’m holed up in my room.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


For Christmas break the girls decided it was time to repaint their room.

When I moved back into the house many years ago, I painted the room a very pretty green and cream yellow.  It was such soothing colors.  After Dan moved

out and I went back into the master bedroom, Kara got my little room back.  She HATED the colors, despite the attempts on getting her bedding and decor to

match.

The day after Christmas we went to Ikea to pick out new bedding for the girls.  The colors are a very clean white and light blue.  In order to paint the room they

had to move EVERYTHING into the living room and kitchen.

I checked in on the girls.  Gone is my beautiful, soothing colors…replaced with clean blue and white.  The music is blaring and the floor is covered in white

paint spots.

The only safe place in the whole house is my room.  When Shaun gets home, he can pull all the loose ends together and help with the decorating.
Me…I am going to stay RIGHT here playing my PC game (chuzzle) and watch CNN.

Stat-counter check: 1. Letters to sister  2. mother sucking 13 year old boy.
(Weirdos)

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27
Dec
Stat-Counter truly creeps me out.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
I’m not a big fan of Stat tracking for my website.  When I started years ago, I thought it would be cool to see when my ONE reader had checked my website.
“Oh look, Mom read my website at 2:21 pm!”

As I got more readers, it was sort neat to see WHERE people were coming from.
“Oh look, mom is still in Redding!”

Then more readers came and I stopped looking at the stat-tracker cause it freaked me out.
“Why would anyone other than my mom want to read this babble?”

I actually took it off until one day when I was particularly freaked out from a comment I got. I wanted to know where it came from.  I put it back on, but I didn’t

check it very often.

I got bored today and checked it.  REMIND ME AGAIN WHY?  Because I am an idiot.

Random and Odd with over a thousand hits today was most popular with:

Boob hair
tit sucking vacuum cleaners
lameness of school dances
Tom Petty lyrics
The whole town of Reston, Virgina
Really? What the hell?

I did find this thing I did back in July.  Did I link this yet?

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26
Dec
Another Random and Odd conversation;
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
Shea from the back seat; “Mom, what’s the difference between Oprah and Beyonce?”

Alyx from the front seat; “Shea, Oprah isn’t black.”

After a long day of being my children’s taxi as they spent up their gift cards, that one made me giggle.

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24
Dec
The Christmas we didn’t think we were going to make it.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
As I write this post, I am sitting on my couch in front of the tree that had to be redecorated after the trauma it had sustained the night of decoration. I should

have known that night it was the precursor for the what I believed would be the most horrible of all Christmases.

This Christmas has turned out to be a Christmas of learning the definitions of words I have thrown around so loosely. Words I have heard for the last 35 years

in Christmas songs.

As the season began to roll into the stores with HAPPY HOLIDAYS, MERRY CHRISTMAS, BUY ME! I started to stress out. Then I checked our bank account

and said, “WHOA!” and then I pulled a Christmas Tree and fell to the floor having everything knocked out of me. “WHY DO THEY KEEP LETTING STUFF GO

THROUGH?? CAN’T THEY SEE THE MONEY IS NOT IN THE BANK!” But they continued to allow stuff to go through…because every time they do, they get

34.00 bucks. I have been RAPED by the bank in overdraft charges for stupid things like buying GAS. Silly me, thinking I should need such a luxury! Sorry, I

digress.

The week before Christmas is when my throat began to close up because of fear. As I write this, I am finally allowing myself to feel the full impact of

magnitude of what someone has done for me. I am crying.
My friend ‘Cita and her husband gave me something that I haven’t felt for awhile. They gave me HOPE. They pre-payed several hours of photography so I

would be allowed to buy my children Christmas gifts.
When I heard the words leave ‘Cita’s husband’s lips, I started crying. I wasn’t going to have to put off Christmas for 5 children.

I heard a Christmas song after that said, ‘Friends and Family send salutations’ and I began to think about the holiday for what it was.
Two weeks before Christmas the cards start coming in and the music has already been on full rotation in every store you walk into.
Everyday I went through the mail and there they were, Christmas Cards. People taking a moment out of their busy lives to send ME and MY FAMILY a card to

say, ‘Hi. I’m thinking about you.” Family, Friends…and my readers. I got more cards from you all…I feel guilty.

With the fire somewhat roaring, the stocking stuffed, the presents under the tree and a fridge full of Boston Market Turkey and Mashed Potatoes, and a body

that is relaxed without fear…I write this.

This season is a blessing. It’s about friends. It’s about family. It’s about the stupid things like tree’s that fall, the lights, red, green and candy canes. It’s a time

to remember that there is hope, and there is a reason for the season. It may not be about religion or big men in red suits. There is a reason for it and I finally

get ‘it’ and I will not forget it.

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and all that wonderful stuff. Thank you all for being my friends and coming to say “HI”.

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23
Dec
…and that too shall pass.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


Kara has had a new friend she’s spending time with.  She’s a sweet girl who seems to fit right into our little family quite nicely.  She is just as dorky and fun

as Kara.

The other day, I grabbed the girls and went driving for something or another.  This is when Kara tells me who Kyla is.

Remember last year when Kara came home CRYING because girls were mean to her?  Yeah…THIS is the little shit that caused it!

The urge to pull the truck over and beat the hell out of the poor girl was suppressed because her and Kara were giggling about how bad of a day that was and

how Kyla was SOOO sorry for being mean…and how some girl had made her cry too.

If you would have told me that Kara would be friends with that girl that caused her to crawl into my arms and cry until my shoulder was dripping with her

tears, I wouldn’t have believed you.

I told Kara that day, “If they just had a chance to get to know you, they would love you.” and I don’t think she believed me when I said it, but now she does.  I

think she sees that she’s worthy of decent friendships where she’s not picked on for being a dork, loud, dramatic and random.   She is mini-me..and I am

loved.  She will be too.

Happy Holidays…and Thank God for answered prayers.

Tomorrow…you will get a ‘Very Special Christmas Post by Random and Odd’… yeah, you all just on the edge of your seats huh?

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22
Dec
O.M.F.G!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
There are only TWO things I have ever prayed for that wasn’t something that was NEEDED.  You know, like…let my mother live until I get there, watch over

so-and-so as they go through surgery…stuff that’s ‘needed’.

These two things…these two tiny self indulgent requests  I have prayed for have been over looked by UPPERCASE GOD for decades.  I didn’t want to believe

he wasn’t listening, because HELLO…how many nights can I lay there praying for them and he not hear me?

HE FINALLY HEARD ME! UPPERCASE GOD LOVES ME!

Oh, I guess you need to know what those two prayers were, right?

1. They cast Philip Seymour Hoffman as Ignatius J. Riley in the movie based on the book “A Confederacy of Dunces”

This request has fallen on deaf ears.  I am just happy that Will Ferrell will NOT be doing it.  Baby steps, Hollywood. Baby steps.

2. They make a sequel to My Favorite Movie That Has Ever Been Made.

Thank you. I was looking for a reason to live…and it has been handed to me on a silver platter.

“See, Kristine…life does get better.  Sure, you’re broke, depressed, out of medication, your tooth is chipped and causing shooting pain through your jaw and

the car is being held together with dried soda syrup and French fry dust…BUT THERE WILL BE MORE CHRIS KNIGHT!”

We can all rest well now.

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20
Dec
24 Hours of Sleep..Give or Take 12 hours
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


I needed some healthy sleep to be able to decide what needs to be done.
I took a pill around 6pm last night, it never seems to work…just makes me dizzy or loopy, but it worked last night.

At 6 am I woke up.

I physically feel better, but the mental part is slow coming.  The last time I went to the doctor and told him what was going on, he said; “Up the dosage.”  I

told him I didn’t want to, that I had been trying to go to a lower dosage.
Okay, maybe he was right.  So I am.

Thank you everyone for your support. I am taking steps. There is help out there for depression (which I am SO new to) and I am taking it.
The depression is centered around not being able to handle the things around me. I feel like I am either going to laugh or cry.
I keep thinking, “If I can just get through THIS, I will be okay.” and then with THIS is handled, THAT jumps out of the corner.The grim reality is; “This and

That” are tag teaming.  At some point I need to tap out.

Christmas is like, what? less then a week away?  Every time I think about it…I have an anxiety attack and want to hurl.

The commercials on TV…come on, BUY A NEW CAR.   How about being able to pay the car payment that I already have?

*tugging on hair*  As my mom always says, “This too shall pass…”

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19
Dec
Why did you use the ‘sad face’ picture?
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Anxiety, journey


Shaun watched over my shoulder as I changed my layout again.
“Why that picture?” he asked.
“It’s how I feel.”
“It’s depressing.”

All I can say, is that is how I am feeling right now.
Saying that I am ‘depressed’ isn’t easy for me.  It’s taken me a long time to admit that I had anxiety.  I think it’s going to be harder to admit that I have

‘depression’.

Tyler and I have been battling through this cough and cold.  Yesterday when he got home from school we were both coughing. It was funny at first because I

would cough, and then he would cough.  For awhile I thought we were having a ‘coughing war’.  Later that night I could hear him coughing in the living room

and I was in the bedroom coughing.
Today I asked him if his neck was hurting.  He told me no and I explained to him that my neck was in so much pain.  He said to me, “Well, maybe it’s because

your down..like..forever.”

You know that commercial where it says, “Who does depression hurt?  Everyone.”?  Yeah…He sees it and doesn’t know how to confront me about it.
Kara leaves me text messages telling me she loves me.  Alyx crawls in bed with me and cuddles, trying to find a place in my world that she can connect with

me.

And now I am going to say it;  I need help. I need support. I can’t do this alone.

The battle with anxiety is at bay. The control I have over it is manageable and knowing I can go into a situation I wouldn’t normally be able to handle is a

feeling I can’t explain.  It’s not gone, but damn it…I got a grip.
This new thing; the feeling of despair and sadness is indescribable.  If you have it, you could probably put it to words better than I can.

My dearest, sweetest, most loving husband…you can’t fix this.  I know that is the most horrible thing to say to someone who spends 18 hours of his day

making sure that at the end of the day, things are resolved or in the process of being fixed.
I swear, I believe there isn’t anything you can’t make all better because you are the voice of reason, everyone’s rock and the first person people come to when

they need advice.

Just start with listening when I need talk. Don’t talk. Just listen.

When I say, “PINEAPPLE” just know it’s time to call the doctor and figure out what they can do STAT.

Until then, everyone just bear with me.

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17
Dec
Seeing that I blogged this, I won’t actually be able to do it now…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


My ex-husband, Dan and I went food shopping yesterday. Yes, you heard that right.

Between the two of us, we are trying to figure out how to get through the month of December without the debtors police coming to beat us with bully sticks.
Since paying child support isn’t in our near future, we decided to work together to be able to at least have food at both houses.
This is where Costco comes in handy. We picked out the most logical things to buy and then split them.  Even the Oreos…even though Oreos weren’t on the

‘logical’ list…they are tasty.

After we circled Costco, we cruised over to Walmart to get things that didn’t need to be bought in bulk.  Since we were there we went to the toy section to see

what they had out for Christmas ideas.
We would pick something up, turn it around, check the price…and then conclude that it was garbage and it was just going to end up somewhere under a bed

or in the garbage.

“I officially hate December this year.”  It needed to be said. Actually it needed to be screamed, but my throat was sore.
“Me too.”

On the way home, Dan decided to tell me all his financial woahs and I restrained myself from shoving his head through the window.
I told him, “Take a life insurance policy on me and I will try to make it look like murder.”
He laughed.
“No really.”

After hours and hours of tossing and turning, my body finally relaxed and I fell asleep.

In my dreams, I planned the perfect murder.  I got to watch the whole thing like a television show, except I was the leading character. (Oh and I looked

fantastic! I love it when I am skinny in my dreams!!)

I was so bummed when I woke up this morning.

Understanding seasonal depression comes easy to me this year. I am just wondering how long it will last?

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14
Dec
It’s FRIDAY!!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
Good Morning Random and Odd readers!
It’s 8:10 am and I have been up for a few hours feeling super fantastic!  I got laundry done, kids dressed and off to school.

This is UNHEARD of people! UNHEARD OF!

For the last two nights, because I am sicker than a dog, I have been falling asleep before 10pm. UNHEARD OF! It’s amazing how much a couple days of

normal sleep can make me feel like I have been on vacation.

If I could kick the cough and stuffy head, I will be at 100% again. UNHEARD OF!

I didn’t even have beat the children to get this euphoric high!

Sleep…who would have guessed it!?

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13
Dec
Maybe it’s the Dayquil talkin..
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


“When did locking your kids in their room get such a bad rap?” -My So-Called Life.

And to add to that little diddy, when did duct tape over the mouth and beating them unconscious get a bad rap?

How many times a day do I have to think, “Dear Lord, is this day over yet?”

…….Ugh………..

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11
Dec
At What Point?
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: journey, The Fonz


My mother is doing good.  She didn’t have a stroke, but they were worried that she had.  They ran some tests and sent her home after she checked out fine.
It didn’t stop me from driving up there so I could run my fingers through her hair and cuddle with her.

Today we talked on the phone and she said, “I need to get better so we can do more stuff.”  I agreed. WE need to get better so we can get back to doing our

‘Mother, Daughter & Daughter’ things we use to do.

Awhile back I had a conversation with my mom about ‘owning’ what belongs to us.  The choices that we make our ours and it doesn’t belong to anyone but

us.  Be they good choices, we can say, “Hey, that was something I did. I own that.” or be it bad, we have to own up to and say, “Yeah, that was stupid. I own

that. I am not going to blame that on anyone, but  me.”

It seems like I am always in this circle of ‘chasing my tail’.  I get one thing settled and then another one comes up and bites my ass.  The chasing of my tail

starts again.

Today I sat back and divided out what belongs to me and what belongs to other people.  It’s astounding how much of my problems can be fixed with just a

change of thought processes.  A simple, “That is mine. I own it.”

Shaun and I haven’t really been together THAT long. It’s taken a long time to realize that in order to make our lives what we want it to be, we need to be on the

same page about everything.  When you’re involved with someone, you have to really sit back and say, “Alrighty, that is HIS…he owns that.” and sometimes

where we have to say, “That’s OURS, and we need to fix it.”

Last year we decided that we are not only on the same page about certain things, but we were going to write the book on how things need to be in our lives.

I’ve screwed up 400 times in the process. He has screwed up at least 800 times in the process. At times we try to stab each other with the pens we are writing

the book with.  Ultimately, we decided as husband and wife what we were going to do with the situations we had in front of us.   A united front.  Some people

would love the idea, some people would hate it. It didn’t matter what anyone thought of it; not my family, nor his.  If you loved the idea, GREAT. If you didn’t

like the idea, that was fine too…but respect that is a choice we made together.

When I talked to my mother about ‘owning’ the choices we had made in the past and make in the future, she was on board.  Since that conversation, she

hasn’t brought up the bad things that happened to us.  I even have taken steps to repair a relationship that was strained with my father.
I don’t agree with some of the things that happened between my mom and dad.  It doesn’t mean that I can’t love them both.

They each have their mistakes. They each own those mistakes. They are not mine.  I am lucky enough to be the daughter of those two wonderful people.  They

are smart enough to know that I am an adult and the problems that they have had with each other doesn’t belong to me.  The joy of being able to spend time

with each of my parents and not have to hear the Bullshit about the other one;  it makes me realize…the choice I made is the right one.
My father knows if he at any time asked me to choose him over my mother, he would be minus a daughter.
My mother knows if she asked me to pick her over my father, she too would be minus a daughter.

Because of this, I know I have the love of both of my parents.

Thank you guys for respecting the choices that I have made.

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09
Dec
Living on the ‘in betweens’…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


On Wednesday, Kathy called me.
“I’m taking mom to the hospital.”

Uh.

There is never a time in my life that I want to hear the words, “Mom” and “Stroke” in the same sentence.

I may or may not have drove over the speed limit to get to Redding.  I got there and she was snuggled in her bed and snoring like a bear…if bears snore,

which I like to believe they do.

We snuggled in bed the whole next day.  I got about 4 minutes sleep in 2 days, which is 4 minutes more than my sister got…so I am TOTALLY not

complaining.

I got home Friday afternoon to a sick husband and Marina’s birthday party that had 15 or something kids showing up. Thank GOD, Shaun’s ex and her

daughter in law helped me out.  After 3 hours in the car by myself, had gotten a wee bit on the stupid side. I played car games with myself. I won.
I played, “name that tune” when I left Redding, but it wasn’t really too hard. If I just kept saying, “DOOBIE BROTHERS” I was getting about 7 out of 10 right.
I caught myself trying to cheat a few times at “Famous Names”.  I kept running out of names that started with H, so I started making up names or using high

school classmates.

It was in those 3 hours that I realized that I would NEVER make it in any sort of meditation class.  Somewhere in the first 20 minutes of driving home I told

myself, “Self, you should spend these next 3 hours thinking about important things in your life..things about you…things of…weird, I didn’t realize my blinker

made that sound. I wonder if I turn it on the other direction it makes a different sound. nope. same sound. it’s cute though. blink. blink. blink.  Wait, what was

I thinking about? IMPORTANT STUFF. Yes…let us think upon important things.”  and that lasted until I saw a Cal-Trans helmet laying on the side of the road

and that got me to wondering what kind of injuries he had if his helmet is laying in the middle of the two freeways.  Chest tube. He totally had to get a chest

tube.

In reality though, I did think about some important things.  Things like; I don’t ever want to hear my mom on Morphine ever again. I don’t want to get another

call like that again. I don’t want my sister to have to do it alone if that call has to be made.

I think it was the stress of everything, but I’m sick now. Shaun is sick too.

My boobs…they are alright…no need to worry about them.

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04
Dec
Ammmmmmaaazingggg Race. How lame you are.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: ex, Shaun
I love falling asleep during interesting TV shows. It makes for bitchen dreams. Today I fell asleep while watching CNN. I had this dream I was a news reporter,

going to New Orleans to check the damage. In the process of this helicopter ride, I fell in love with a brother that was convicted of murder, be he didn’t do it.

What I couldn’t figure out was how New Orleans could have been flooded when it was really in the desert and had cliffs.

Never once did I say my dreams made sense, but damn are they interesting. They always feel so vivid. When I wake up I am happy because I went somewhere

I have never been…or ever will be…unless they decide to relocate N.O. to Yosemite.

The other day during a late day nap I woke up for a split second to hear that Shaun and Marina were watching “The Amazing Race”. I fell back asleep hoping I

wouldn’t incorporate that show into my dream…or maybe it was just a dream. I mean, come on…this whole Amazing Race thing was just a whim right?

Dan came over last night to fix some electrical problem that required a volt meter that I no longer own. He had to do some other stuff that would require

turning off the power, which he didn’t because he finds joy in watching me freak out as he cuts live wires and rewires them. He jumps and pulls his hand back

just to watch me pee myself.

“So the uh..Passport papers for Amazing Race look like they are going to be around 200 bucks.” He says as he holding two wires that look like they shouldn’t

touch.
“Mmm. yeah.” I am just sounding interested so he will hurry up and finish the rewiring and I can again use my bathroom outlets again.
“You can do it two different ways…you can….FLASHLIGHT.” I lift the flashlight back up and switch my weight to another side. “You can go through the post

office or there is this one place that can do it. It’s the same amount.”

I don’t want to hurt his feelings and say, “Yeah, cause THAT is going to happen.” and I don’t want him to stop that rewiring thing he’s doing so well and that

will make blow drying my hair so much easier if I can use the bathroom mirror and not blow dry it in the hallway.

Tonight, out of the blue, Shaun says; “I watched “The Amazing Race”…Dan and I can so win that!” Then he goes on and on about what it takes and it

basically comes down to being able to ‘take shortcuts’.
Well…I certainly have a track record for marrying men that are good at taking short cuts. Didn’t I just spend 15 minutes in the garage while Dan rewired LIVE

wires because he was either too lazy to shut off the power or just to damn stubborn to do it?

After all the serious stuff he had to tell me about (including passports and how to apply) we started joking about how they would loose.
“It would be something really stupid too…”
“Yeah, it could be the numerous phone calls from your ex wives asking you stupid questions.”

He then jokingly mimicked Tabitha and I, “Shaun…for real? The Great Wall of China? Get your ass off the Great Wall of China, the F*&^ing Christmas Tree fell

over again!”
“Dan, I am NOT taking care of your stupid cats. You better just take them with you!”

The sad thing is…that would be their downfall, Us.
Me calling Dan to ask him who the lead singer of Foghat was and Tabitha calling Shaun to tell him that there was no where to park at work.

There is a place for our Ex Husbands…It doesn’t involve flying to China. It involves making sure they have good cell phone reception and the ability to block

out our voices as we rant or ask stupid questions.

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03
Dec
Santa knows I’m forcing it…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
Yesterday Shaun and I went to pick out a Christmas tree.  Normally we procrastinate until a week before Christmas before we rush out and get a tree.

Halloween came and we were, “ugh”. Thanksgiving came and we were like, “ugh”.  Figuring that Christmas was going to be much like the same. Our solution

was to tear through the garage and get our Christmas ornaments and decorations out and force ourself into the mood.

It took a good couple of hours for the whole family to get everything up.  We strung the lights and went through the traditions of putting up our special

ornaments.  I waited until last to put up my 5 favorite ornaments at the tippity top.

After all of it was done, I vacuumed up the needles and put away all the boxes.  Perfection. Best decorations and handsomest tree EVER.

10 minutes later, Kara informs me that the tree fell over.  Grrreeeeaat.  The floor will be wet from the water in the base and needles will be in every corner of

my living room…but how bad is that?  I’ll go back into the living room after Shaun and Tyler had uprighted the tree and fixed it.  EXCEPT, this isn’t a simple

‘flesh wound’ to the tree…this is a full on Trauma situation.
“Mom, your favorite ornaments broke.”  Both arms and legs went numb.  CHEST TUBE! GET THE TREE A CHEST TUBE!

The tree had to be stripped of everything and redone.  My decorations needed lots of super glue.  My mood…blown.

After we got the tree into an upright and solidly placed situation we decided that we would redecorate tomorrow.

THENNNNNNNN, the lighted garland on the fireplace mantle arched and blew the breaker in the house, leaving us without lights on the whole right side of the

house.

Procrastination never sounded like a better idea than last night.

*sigh* Tell me this isn’t a sign of what this Christmas is going to be like…

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02
Dec
Only SEVEN Random things about me?
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


I was tagged with a Meme by Leane.

Normally, I don’t do these things outside of MySpace, because I read somewhere that MySpace is the internet’s ghetto, and what a better place to put down all

the stupid things like, “What are you wearing right now?” questions?

In this certain Meme (which, by the way…what the hell does this word mean?) contains 7 random things about yourself.  Like you haven’t learned more than 7

random things about me by just reading daily…but what the hell…the sleeping pills haven’t kicked in yet.

1. I’m going through this strange television transformation. I spent a solid year watching “Forensic Files”.  Watching stories about how people had died and

the justice that followed.  Now I am addicted to watching “Trama; Life in the E.R.” and “Code Blue”.  I keep trying to add other shows into the mix, like

“Ultimate Factories” where they show you how a car is built, but the first one I watched was on the Ferrari and after watching how it was built, no other car

factory can compare and I deleted the other shows.
The Trauma shows are getting a little old though. I am thinking if I knew how to put in a tube chest I could save lives.

2. Speaking of addictions. I have been drinking an insane amount of Dole Orange, Mango, Pineapple juice.

3. I haven’t worn a skirt or a dress (outside of my wedding) since 2003.

4. I want to be one of those people that lives in a big city and rides trains to get to places. I want to live in apartment in this big city that I has a door man and

an elevator.

5. I can’t dance.

6. I look stupid in hats.

7. I’m a night person. I would rather sleep during the day and then do all the stuff that needs to get done at 2 in the morning.  I realize this isn’t realistic and I

have to be a normal person, but it seems as I get older…my bed time gets later and later.  Like right now, I’m craving to go wash the dishes and see if I can

get the living room clean. It’s midnight.
I’m not going to tag anyone, but if you do this…link back here so I can read your 7 random things.

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01
Dec
Wii
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


Liz brought her Wii with her when she moved to California while Dennis is in Iraq.
She told me in her most adorable southern drawl, “you’re gunna get sooo addicted to it, ya’all.”

Now, I can only think of a few times that I have been addicted to a video game.

1. When mom and I were living in Victorville, California and there was nothing better to do than go to Denny’s and play Ms. Pacman.  She beat me every

game.

2. When mom and I were living in San Luis Obisbo, California and she became a ‘Pool Shark’ and I became known as, “The girl that played Dig Dug from

opening to closing time.”  Mom would beat people at Pool to pay for my Dig Dug habit.

3. Mike Tyson’s Punch Out.  TRY beating me at that game. Not going to happen. I am the master.

and lastly…and admittedly the worst ‘addiction’ I’ve had; Arkanoid.  Keep in mind, this was before ‘cheat codes’ and ‘pause buttons’.  You got 3 chances then

game was OVER.
Mom and I rigged the TV so that we would never shut off the Nintendo system.  It took months for us to get to the final level of Arkanoid.  The last level before

the end was virtual HELL.
One night after many attempts…I beat that level and HOLY CRAP I WAS GOING TO SEE THE FACE OF ARKANOID!

Mom called everyone at 9 o’clock to get their asses over to the house, “Kris is on the final level!!”  I had to sit there and wait until everyone got there to play

it.

It took 3 controllers to finally be able to finish the game, we had worn out the first one that came with the game. Then we bought a replacement.  The last

controller we had to convince a neighbor that we wouldn’t break it, but needed it to finally finish off the game.

After I beat that game…I only played for entertainment value.

Now the Wii is in our home for a few days and our house has become a battle zone. Dan came over last night and with his Rookie status managed to beat

everyone at Tennis. This will change as soon as I get a little better. There is no way Dan is going to beat ME at a game.

When he left we decided to make him his own character.  I was cracking up because seriously…could it look anymore like him? I think not.

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28
Nov
Thanksgiving’ed out
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


I know how it feels, old girl. WORN OUT.
Okay, I have decided what I want for Christmas.  EVERYONE needs to make me this special loaf of bread my sister, master baker (but still Mom’s second

favorite) made for me because of the orgasmic sounds I was making after she gave me a slice.

One slice didn’t cut it for me. I ended up eating three VERY large chunks of bread.  Because she loves me like I am her only baby sister, she got up and made

me a loaf before I had to leave.  Who does that? Who gets up in the morning and makes bread for their sister? MINE. Because she is not only beautiful, funny,

smart…and she loves me.

She sent me the recipe, but the last time she sent me a recipe, I made glue.  No really…Potato soup turns to glue if you make it wrong. I am in fear of making

this loaf of bread and ruining the glorious taste forever.  Ya’all need to get to baking though!!  I think I can go MAYBE a week without the goodness that is this

bread.

Jeremiah likes it too. I thought if I just gave him a cranberry from the inside, he would hate it. He ate his little bit and said, “MMMMM.” and ended up eating

half my slice. I wasn’t too happy about it, but seeing him lick the paper plate when the done, just sealed the deal.  He woke up after his nap with his wet paper

plate in hand saying, “Mooooore.”
We are addicted…and you can be too:  CLICK HERE for the goodness.  send me some.

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27
Nov
Because really, you don’t believe how weird our ‘family’ can truly be.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: ex, Shaun
Need a recap for any new readers ??*coughyeahrightcough* or perhaps a reminder on how R & O we are.

Dan — My ex-husband and father of Kara, Alyx and Shea.
Shaun — Current husband, father to Tyler and Marina.

It has been suggested that someone needs to make a sitcom about our family, but in those TRULY random moments like…say…for example; When Shaun and

I came home and Tabitha (Shaun’s ex wife) is making us a romantic dinner and my ex-husband is using our shower because he has a date and his power was

off. And this is NORMAL for us. We realized that NO ONE outside of my readers and our friends would believe half the weirdness that makes us the ‘village’.

Dan has found a way to make it ONE step stranger.

For as long as I can remember Dan has always wanted to be on Amazing Race. Today he IMed me to see if Shaun would go to the try outs with him.
…and Shaun agreed.

I swear…if they get on that show, I am making Tabitha move back in. We will have our own show: “What happens when our two ex husbands go on a world

traveling reality show and leave the two ex wives to tend to the 6 children.”

I’m thinking it would be sponsored by Xanax and Robert Mondavi Winery.

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26
Nov
RESET!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Dashababy, kara, The Fonz

FINALLY! I finally got up to mom and Kath’s house to visit. It was, as Kathy calls it “WAY TOO SHORT”, and I need to go back and spend like 2 months to

catch up.

I didn’t plan on getting my hair done, but after seeing Kara’s hair when Kathy finished it…I begged her to do mine.  So, it no longer looks like it does in this

picture.
Kathy came in a few minutes after the pictures were taken and waved this magic wand over my head and magic happened and I am much less war-torn looking

and more “Bow Chicka Bow Bow”.

Kathy’s husband, Kevin was in the garage all weekend getting all the Christmas decorations out and ready for set up. Shaun and I decided that in order to get

us into the Holiday Season, we would force ourselves to decorate early and see a therapist that will use hypnotism to keep us believing that, ‘we will get

through this…we will get through this…”

My favorite part the whole Christmas season is pulling out the last few decorations that only I am allowed to put up.  My tiny angel and my snow babies.  I

have a few new ones that are old and belonged to Shaun’s grandma. All “my” ornaments are put away in my closet and not with the other Christmas stuff in

the garage.

God, this is a stupid post. Disregard everything I just said and go take a shot of Captain Morgan.

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23
Nov
Internet, Meet John…the coolest man that ever was or ever will be.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


I adore this man. This is Shaun’s grandma’s BOYFRIEND. He’s been in the family longer than I have been alive.

When I was around 13 my wonderful grandpa died. The best memories I have of him where during his final year with us. My mother and I spent nearly hour of

everyday with him in his cabin by the lake. We spent hours playing Dominoes and making up stupid names for each other. He was “Ugly” and I was “Double

Ugly”.
It had been many years since I had a ‘grandpa’.

The first year I spent with Shaun’s family at Thanksgiving I was standoffish from John. He sat in the corner looking confused. Shaun explained to me that he

can’t see and can hardly hear. He moves at a snails pace. I said my hellos and talked to him for awhile, but I found myself yelling into this poor man’s ears

and the rest of the family staring at me like I was a loon.

The following years, I didn’t care what anyone thought of me. I sat on a stool next to him, held his hands and asked him about 400 questions about his life. He

told me all about his time in the military and all the places he had seen. His memory is vivid. He remembers every detail and when I asked him the most

random question I ask anyone that has ever travel to another country, “What did it smell like?” He had a response. I was nearly bouncing as he told me of the

places he had seen and the people he had met.

This year was no different. I made my rounds and planted myself next to John. We didn’t get a chance to have one of our neat conversations, but this year he

was much more optimistic about the future. Last year he insisted he was going to die soon. This year, he was telling me about his birthday. He is 92 years old.

He said, “I think I’m going to live until I’m 107.”

On the way home Shaun was laughing as he told me about the conversation he had with John.

“I’m 92 years old; I can’t see, I can’t hear, I can barely walk. The next 15 years are going to be rough.”

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22
Nov
I’m Smiling Again
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


Happy Gobble Day.  Hope everyone ate so much they burst.

I got kitchen duty this year, ALL BY MYSELF…I’m such a big girl now. They let me wash the special china. I’m still not able to ‘put them away’, but maybe

next year.

Shaun titled this photo “She Knows Her Place”.  I threw the balled up hamburger wrapper at his head.  Yes, that is how we polish off Thanksgiving dinner…

with a late night trip to Jack In The Box.  Doesn’t everyone?

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20
Nov
Going Back…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: My Favorite Posts


This isn’t something I ever write about. It’s not really anything I talk about, because it still feels somewhat ‘tragic’ to me.

Today is the due date I had for what would have been my second child.

Kara was very young and this ‘new baby’ wasn’t expected.  When I suspected that I was pregnant again, I freaked out.  Like it was just 5 minutes ago, I

remember driving to Shingletown to visit my parents.  On my way up there I said, “Please God, if I’m pregnant again…take it from me, because I can’t do it

myself.”  I prayed and stressed out about it for the 3 hour drive.

I had a test taken and low and behold, I was pregnant.  We told our parents that ‘yes, we are doing it again.’ It took some mental adjusting to the fact that I was

going to be pregnant again and go through labor again…and be a mother again.
Through this process, I began to get excited.  I knew it was a girl. GUT FEELING it was a girl.  Kara was going to have a little sister she could torment.
Dan and I threw around some names, but nothing really stuck.  He liked “Becky” and I liked “Amanda”.

Around 20 weeks into the pregnancy, we went up to visit my parents again.  I was hardly even showing because I was still holding on to the weight that Kara

had caused.  My mom joked about me vacuuming the floor for her. I grabbed the vacuum cleaner and began cleaning under everything I could find.

Somewhere in the middle I felt sort of sick and sat down.
When I went to the bathroom, I had some light bleeding.

When we returned back to Sacramento, I got an early appointment with my OBGYN.  Dan didn’t go, because Mister. Ever Optimistic said I was fine.

My wonderful doctor did an exam and sent me to the ultrasound room to ‘double check’.  The woman who ran the equipment was also my Lamaze coach.   We

chatted away as she roamed around my belly.  Then she stopped.  She did the measurements. She rubbed some more.  She then looked at me and told me

that my baby had no heartbeat and it looks like she had stopped growing at 16 weeks.
I informed her that I was 20 weeks.
She gently told me that I needed to get into an emergency DNC (which to this day, I have no idea what it really means or involves) and that they would get me

in tomorrow morning.

I called Dan from the small office.  Sobbing.  I was so angry that he wasn’t there, and so sad at the same time. After hanging up the phone a very tall woman

with short blond hair sat down and was explaining to me why I needed to get in tomorrow morning and how I was to drink nothing after midnight…and so

many other facts. All I could focus on was the angel she had pinned to her name tag.

Driving home, getting home and the rest of the night is a blank to me. The most horrifying thought was racing through my head.  “I have a dead baby inside

of me. MY dead baby.”

The next morning they asked me to put on this gown that resembled the gown I wore when I had Kara. They put in an IV and I sat on very uncomfortable

chairs while waiting for ‘my turn’.  Kara and Dan were there. She was crawling all over him and interested in the thing in my arm.

When it was my time to go in the nurse led me down this hallway to the double doors. She had forgotten something at the main desk and just told me to go

meet my doctor in the room.
As the doors were automatically opened, what I saw, I wasn’t ready for.  The room was enormous. It was completely white and sterile, unlike the delivery room

I had.  There were 3 people across the room and they all surgical gear on.  I walked across the room barefoot, feeling the ice cold tiles.  I started to feel a little

shaky and then my wonderful doctor who I had spent so much time with having Kara, was standing there with a mask, cap and full surgical garb. He looked up

at me and his sweet eyes met mine.  I believe that was the moment that my body slid to the floor and I began to sob.
This wasn’t right.
He was going to be bringing my new baby into this world like he just had done with Kara, not taking it away.

He quickly walked over to me and carried me to the table and the last thing I remember hearing was him saying, “Hurry”.

I blamed myself for a very long time. I had willed this child to die. My mother blamed herself saying that If she didn’t make me vacuum, I wouldn’t have lost

the baby. I had to reassure her that the baby died long before that.
So many people said, “Everything happens for a reason.”, but it wasn’t what I wanted, nor needed to hear.

My friend Ruka spent as much time with me as she could and the days she couldn’t be there, she would send her mother over to the apartment to take care of

Kara.

I don’t normally recognize this date.  It’s just another day on the calendar, but I was cleaning out some old boxes a few months ago and ran across the poem

that my friend, Ruka had written me after the loss along with a dried petal from the roses that Dan bought me after the surgery.
The month and day stuck. November is my mom’s birthday month. I was 20 weeks pregnant when I found out I wasn’t 20 weeks pregnant. November 20th.

After Alyx was born, the hospital closed down and everything was in transit to the new hospital they had just completed. The nurse left my chart on the table

next to me because they hadn’t installed the file folders that hang on the outside of the door yet.  Being nosey, I peeked through all my charts and the

miscarriage information was in there.

It was a little girl.

She needed a name. So I call her Amanda.

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18
Nov
Big World…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


The beach was a blast. To see all the pictures, go check out our Flickr site.
I wish we could have spent more time there, but the fog rolled in and it got too cold. We never stepped foot in the water, yet our feet is covered in oil from the

oil spill last week that was in the bay.

I didn’t realize how devastating that it was. We were 20 miles down the coast, at the ocean and completely outside the Bay, and we were covered in oil just

walking down the beach. I can’t even imagine how bad it is in the bay. It breaks my heart.

The car ride was fine. No one killed each other, but Alyx might be mentally scarred from having to sit between Marina and Kara for two hours while they

slapped and giggled each other.

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17
Nov
Going to the Beach!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


It’s been forever since we packed up all the kids and headed to the beach.  It’s been forever since we’ve had all the kids in the house at one time.  We are

throwing them in the van and heading out.

Yay for family day trips.  I swear, this better end up like one of those cool SUV commercials where they are all in the car laughing, singing and playing car

games!

If not…you’ll hear about it.

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15
Nov
Detoxing…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: journey, Random
I was looking up ‘detoxing’ the other day on the internet, because of something ‘Cita had said about metals in our body. For some reason it got me into

looking into different types of detoxing and many of them include taking things that require you to have stomach cramps and poop all the time.
As mentioned many times before, I have no poop problems, so the thought of pooping MORE, just sucked.

I was reading and reading about the things we need to get out of our system. Caffeine, Nicotine, Drugs….HELLO, all my favorite things.
It also talked about eating more fruit.
I’m guilty, I don’t eat fruit. I would LOVE to be a fruit eater, but I’m not.

So yesterday I run off to the store with high hopes of buying all the right things. I had ran out of coffee and Cigs the night before, so what a fantastic time to

start cleaning up my body right?

I walked my ass right past the coffee isle and bought yogurt and fruit juices. THEN…right there…in a big display…shiny and singing…was my Coffee Mate

Pumpkin Spice flavoring. I actually SKIPPED over to the display and sniffed the bottle.

AND this is where I think I have a problem. I make excuses…and this one was a doozy. “I’m going to buy this because it’s the only time of the season that you

can. I’m going to get the smallest bag of coffee possible. Come on, I need to baby step my way to being a better person. I can’t just stop smoking, drinking

coffee and then start pooping for 7 solid days! It’s unheard of!”

This morning I made a very small pot of coffee, ate a yogurt and had a tangerine (working my way up to a full orange) and then I poured half the coffee mate

into my cup and drank it like it was sent from heaven above.

Why, why, WHY do people decide that right around Thanksgiving & Christmas it’s the time to diet?

Regardless of my weaknesses, I am going to stop drinking soda and drink water and juice instead. I’m adding the fruit part of the triangle to my diet.

Mango juice isn’t too bad. Sort of squirmy, but not too bad.

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13
Nov
Actually, quite proud
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


I decided I was going to use the ‘new’ cup today.  It’s a shot glass compared to the coffee cups I usually use, but I didn’t want to feel like a sentimental sap

and shoving it in the part of the cupboard that is ‘off limits’.

When I was a little girl…*wavy flashback and strange music* my grandma use to make me a cup of coffee right before bed time.  That sounds strange, but

looking back, the coffee my grandma made was so weak it looked like tea and then she would half it with milk.  I was drinking warm milk with coffee flavoring.

Smart lady huh?

To me, she was a very traditional grandma.  She sewed, smoked, drank coffee, had intellectual conversations and taught me about turning off lights and

drawing on both sides of paper.  Waste not, want not.
She always used that big green glass (in the picture) as a roller for the cookies she would make. It made the coolest design.  I always used the turtle cup when

I went over to her house.  She had a special soup bowl for when I was sick.  When I was lucky enough to spend the night, we would crawl into her big bed, she

would set that annoying ticking clock and I would complain I couldn’t sleep.  When I would sleep with my mom, I would throw both of my legs over her and

fall asleep instantly.  My grandma was a small framed woman, but she knew the ritual. She would allow me to wrap my legs over her and would sing me to

sleep.

My mom is starting her little traditions with my girls.  She has special shirts they wear as  PJ’s when she comes over to spend the night.  They crawl up into

her bed and get their cuddles.  I’m sure they have more, but those are the ones that remind me of my grandma.

When I found the hideous cup with what looks to be a giant fly on it, I was thrilled to death.  Here my grandma was, IN A THRIFT SHOP.  A coffee cup that

clearly was a part of the strange cups she had once owned!
This Thanksgiving it will be 14 years since she passed away.  For a few hours on Saturday though, she was there with me.

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12
Nov
If my weekend was more exciting I would probably explode.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


Did you detect the sarcasm?

Saturday Shaun and I went on our thrift store hunt.  He manages to find really cool clothes and I end up looking at coffee cups and purses from the 70′s.  I’m

the worst thrift shopper in history.

It seems like every time I go in those stores the smell makes me have to poop. I walk around with stomach cramps and then go franticly searching for Shaun.

“I’m done. Let’s go.”
This time it wasn’t so bad. I was on a search for something particular. Shea has decided she wants a fake fur jacket. I searched every shop and didn’t find any

her size that was under 30 bucks.  In the process I found an old coffee cup that looked like the one my grandmother had.  After I found that, I decided that I am

going to find ALL those coffee cups and spend all my .50 on them.

Six thrift stores later, I had two cups.

I’m tellin’ ya…thee worst thrift shopper. EVER.

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10
Nov
Oh, the things I will realize!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: kara


As Shaun and I were dodging a car coming straight for us in the Safeway parking lot, I realized that If I were to die, the last post that you would read was about

my cootchie and my boobs. As great as a book that would make for my daughters to write about me after I die, ‘My Mother, her Coochie, and the Blog she

wrote…’ I sort of didn’t want to go out that way.

Today is Kara’s final day of her 2 week (but feels like 6 week) play she has been in. It’s based on “Ever After” with Drew Barrymoore. We waited until the last

showing, not because we know the final show is going to be better than all the others, but because we are lazy parents. We are, right now, debating if we

should go or just drop the flowers off backstage with a card. She only has 3 words in the whole play. *sigh* Yeah, we will go. Because, damn it…we support

her.
Actually, I am proud of her. From the second she was born she has NEVER been afraid of being the center of attention. She started ‘acting’ when she was 4

years old in a ‘Disney’ type of play. She went to talent shows and sang in front of strangers and even at the school in front of people she KNEW. I would go

and watch to make sure no one made fun of her. I would beat them to death if they tried.
Last year she got the lead in Alice and Wonderland. This year, being a freshman she had to take a lesser role. I’m almost certain by the time she’s a senior in

high school she will be RUNNING the drama classes herself. WHICH, will be nice because the damn drama teacher needs a swift kick in the ass for keeping the

kids every single day for 5 hours after school…AND on Halloween..to ‘practice’.

And, I better walk out the door in 4 minutes or I am going to be late for this wonderfully, WELL practiced…play.

*** UPDATE ***



Everyone showed up for the play and it was great. My daughter ROCKS!

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07
Nov
Anxiety
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Anxiety, journey


Back to the list of words.  I’ve been stuck on Anxiety.  You would think I would have a 5000 word essay on anxiety, but honestly, I’m so tired of it. I am tired of

saying it. I’m tired of hearing it. I’m tired of having it.

I called the head doctor about it. “up the dosage.”  I don’t WANT to up the dosage, I want to OFF the dosage. You would think they would remember that.

I went to the other doctor. She said, “You’re 35. Things are changing.”  Why did that sound like a death sentence? I’ve always embraced my age.  Now all the

sudden it’s the kiss of death for my emotional stability?
Gah.

I’ve got better things to write about. Like…like…*throwing hands up in the air* Maybe not. Maybe all the news I have for you today is that I got my coochie

exam and my breasts fondled.

*Curtsy*

And that is all.

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06
Nov
Happy Birthday Mommy!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: The Fonz


I love you!

My gift to you…a promise to come visit, very soon. :)

WE LOVE YOU!

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06
Nov
Wireless
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
Taking a break from the list of emotions. The next one up is ‘Anxiety’ and honestly, I don’t have the energy to write about it right now.

A month ago, Shaun dropped his phone in the garbage.  Normally that wouldn’t be a problem, but the bottom of our garbage can outside is a cesspool of

mixed liquids.   He pulled it out, Eww, and we tried to fix it.  The gagging from the smell just was too much and we decided we would get a new one.

I have passionately avoided expensive phones.  I drop them, I wash them and I break them.  This hasn’t ALWAYS been the case though. Remember the bag

phones? Yeah, I never washed or dropped that. Remember the old phones that were the size of large bricks? Yeah, that one never got washed either and if I

dropped it, it didn’t break. These little phones have a short life span in my care though.

Regretfully, I admit I’m a phone-car talker. It always seems like I am mid-route when I realize the most important phone call I need to make has to happen right

then.  Over the years, my ability to drive and talk at the same time has improved, but now there is this new law coming out saying I can’t.
So…I have gone the route of ‘blue tooth’.

I’m growing up people. Laptop and blue tooth. I have gone to two places I swore I would never go.

Next thing you know, I’ll be looking at Mac computers and Canon cameras.  NOT.

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05
Nov
MySpace..oh the things you read.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
My daughter, Alyx has a MySpace page. I keep a VERY close eye on her and what she puts up and who is on her list.  She usually only goes on it to read

emails from her pen pal.

Today she posted a bulletin. It’s the ‘First Reaction’ bulletin and what she does is reads the word and then puts in her first ‘thought’ after she reads it.

7. Steroids: —boots
I have no idea where this came from.

9. The President:mean
I would have went with ‘dumb’, but ‘mean’ works.

14. Bon Jovi: who?
How old I am feeling right now?

25. Donald Trump: old?
*giggle* I actually just put that in there because I thought that was funny!!

31. Pajamas:mom
And then this is where the laughter stops.  How sad that is the first thought my daughter has when she hears the word ‘pajamas’.
*shrug*  I’m known for my pajamas.  It could have been worse, she could have had me listed under ‘alcohol’.

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02
Nov
Prayers and Prayers…please.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
Dennis leaves for Iraq today. Please pray for his safety. Please pray for his family and friends as this a rough time as we all find our footing.

I’m going to make an appointment with a doctor today. I called this week to ask about not feeling good and they gave me instructions on what to do and when

to call back.
It’s time to call back.
Whatever is wrong with me isn’t anything that sleep & lots of water will fix.
Please pray they get me in soon and the lady that is going to take blood has a good aim.

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30
Oct
Apathy
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: journey


It always seems like I fall upon a wishy-washy word when I have something to say.

October is a weird month for me. By the end of October I feel like they year should be done and I get to start all over with a clean slate. I know as Halloween

comes and goes that it’s the beginning of the long, rocky road of Winter, or as I call it, “UGH!”

Some people enjoy this time of the year. Tyler, my step son, is one of those people. When he first moved in with me at the beginning of his freshman year, I

would make it a point to pick him up down the street from the high school if the weather was even looking bad. He would always come walking up to the car,

surprised to see me. Now, there is this thing about Tyler, he bounces. He has this walk that if you knew nothing about him, if you were to see him walking, you

would say, “That’s a happy guy.” He is. He’s a happy kid.
It was probably the middle of his Sophomore year that realized, he really likes to walk home if it’s raining. He would come through the door, soaking wet, all

smiles, “Hi Kristine!”
Lost in my own, it’s Winter–UGH! world, I wouldn’t even realize that it was raining outside. “Tyler, you’re soaking wet!” and like a gust of fresh air busting

through the room he would say, “I know.”
It’s taken a few years to just let him happy in his wet clothes and squishy shoes. The rain makes him happy.

I’m not this person. No-sir’rey-bob. The rain depresses me. Don’t give me that, “It washes away all the dust and dirt and makes everything all fresh and new”

mumbo-jumbo either. There is a place that all that dust and dirt will eventually gather…and that is exactly my emotions during the rainy season. That brown,

murky mess that keeps circling as more brown crap piles into it.

Without the rain…I KNOW. I get it. I just really don’t like this time of the year. It’s not that it’s wet, rainy, people drive extra stupid and I look like a bigger cow

in a sweater than most. Well, that is a portion of it. I just think that there are people out there that are dark and gloomy because it’s our job to be. Yeah. that’s

it. It’s my job to be extra cranky when the weather gets ugly. There are also people like Tyler that can bounce his way home in the rain and looks forward to it.

It balances out the world. Gloomy and depressed Winter people and the ignorantly happy Winter people.

I finished reading my book tonight. I wasn’t disappointed at all. That journey she was on…I’ve been there. I’m still stuck in many of the places she has

managed to shake through. There is always something strange about reading about someone journey. There are so many things I could relate with and so

many things that I know are in me that I keep in lock down. Much like my favorite story of Pandora’s box, I feel like there is a box in my heart and soul that

holds all the bad and good. If I dare to peek in there, something slips out. Through this process of going through this list is me being able to reach my hand

in the box and summon that certain emotion or fear.

Today is Apathy. I hate this word. It’s the lamest word in all of mankind. No, I take that back; tchotkies. That is the lamest word in all of mankind. It just

doesn’t sound right. When someone says that word, it makes me want to get the soap and wash out their mouth and then squirt some antibacterial gel in my

ears and grab a q-tip.
I digress.
Apathy, lack of feeling or emotion. Lack of interest or concern.
Who could like this word? The heart broken? The drunk? The lawyers?

Now when someone says, “I have apathy for their situation.” are they saying they have no feeling or concern for that person? Have I totally misunderstood

what people were really saying for all these years? “She has no apathy.” Does that equally mean that she actually DOES have emotion and concern?
*sidenote of stupidity- I was thinking empathy.
Okay, regardless of my complete moronic view of the English language…Apathy is a word that just crawls under my skin and makes me want to itch it off.
Why?
Why does this word bother me so much?

It’s October, and my feelings and emotions get all murky and brown. I try not to care too much about things right now. I try to just look at what is going on

around me and say, “alrighty then…FOR NOW.” This is the time of the year when I just don’t like myself as a person. I am realizing that I am not as strong as I

think I am with the sun shining on my face and my feet are set to walking around. in the sun. happy. whistling a song. whoooa, went to far…I don’t whistle.

You get my point right?

I guess you can say…I’m at my strongest and my weakest. I am strong enough to let people do what they think they need to. I am also so weak that I let

people crawl up my ass and eat away at my being. I let not only PEOPLE, but feelings do that. There is no anti-anxiety pill in the world that can fix that without

completely erasing me of all emotion and leaving me a drooling mess on the floor.

This season…it’s Apathy.

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30
Oct
Anger
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: journey
It feels awkward writing a post about “Anger” when I had a wonderful weekend and the birth of our newest addition.

In order to stay true to going through all the words on the emotion list, I have to keep going.

I’m in a study to help people learn more about MS. I don’t have it so I don’t know if I’m just the control. They asked me so many random questions during an

hour long phone conversation. One of them was my behavior as a child. Was I an angry child? Was I happy child?
It’s tough to say, “I don’t know, I didn’t really live in this world.” That one stumped the question lady. “Excuse me?”
“I’m sorry, I was a princess and I lived in a castle.”
She giggled and asked me to clarify. “I had a very active imagination and I think I might have lived in a different place to get through where I really was.”

As a kid, I saw anger. I don’t talk about my childhood too much about it here on my blog. What happened when I was kid falls into the selective memory

category. Looking at this way, “If you were me, living with me and living my life…you know what I went through. If I tried to explain it to you, you wouldn’t

REALLY understand.” My brothers and sisters get it and they are usually the only people that I talk to. I don’t have to talk, they just know.

Since growing up (a little bit) I have found that anger was always associated with drinking. People weren’t really ‘angry’ unless they were drinking.

I get ‘angry’ when things aren’t fair. When someone takes advantage of someone else because they know they can. I hate that. In the same breath…I take

advantage of Dan. Knowing he can fix something, knowing he will jump through fire hoops for his kids and Shaun’s kids, knowing that his heart is as big as it

is…I know he will do anything for anyone. Every time I do it, I thank him over and over, but I know…he’s being taken advantage of. I hope someday he meets

someone so I know that I can’t do it anymore. She’s going to kick my ass the first time I call her in the middle of the day asking if Dan will fix my brakes or

figure out why the water is spurting out from under the sink. She will only be able to put up with so much of me.

This isn’t covering ‘anger’ is it? Sorry. I have nothing. I’m sure one day I will get THROUGHLY pissed off and be able to recall this one and say, “Oh, HAVE I

GOT A DOOZY FOR YOU!”

I can say I have been physically violent with people. Mostly the closest people to me. OKAY, FINE…Dan. He totally had it coming to him though.

It seems my anger quickly turns into frustration. I’m angry that Mario Garcia isn’t in the prison he’s designated to go to because he ‘fears for his life’ when he

TOOK the life of another. It’s frustration that we haven’t found her.
Christie’s case will be featured on “FORENSIC FILES” tonight. Please take some time to watch it if you can.

And this is where I ask you about ‘anger’. Maybe I will be able to feed off yours and figure out what ‘anger’ really means.

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29
Oct
Leia
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
Shaun here. Just wanted to welcome our newest addition to the Random and Odd clan. Meet Leia, our newest niece. Congrats to my baby sister Alisyn, my

brother-in-law and first time daddy O’Ryan, and first time big sister Jessie. Leia is healthy and beautiful, and something tells me we might get a few more

pictures of this little one. Hell, we might nickname her .jpeg!!



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27
Oct
It’s 4:43 am. I haven’t fallen asleep yet.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
Yes, you read that right…4:43 AM as in “Rise and Shine!” AM.

That’s really not the worst part.

I have the theme to, The Greatest American Hero, caught in my head.

Seriously? Isn’t it enough that I can’t sleep? Why in the world would I be cursed by knowing WORD FOR WORD the theme song to one of the stupidest 80′s

sitcoms?  Okay, it wasn’t THAT lame, but the theme song? Come on now.

I thought writing about it would get it to go away, but now suddenly I now have 4 part harmony and a Bose sound quality in my noggin.

When I do sleep, please let it be good dreams. Please? Too much to ask for?

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26
Oct
Grand Children Update!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: My Brats, Random


Dennis and Taylor (3 months old).

Isn’t she too cute for words?  Elizabeth and Taylor will be moving to California next month while Dennis is deployed to Iraq for a year.  Pray for his safety.
It will be so cool to be able to hang out with her.



Ariana – 5 months old

Pretty in Pink!
Jen and Ariana moved to Korea to be with Greg while he is stationed there. I haven’t gotten to hold or play with her since they left a couple months ago.
Luckily Jen has a webcam that has audio and I get to turn ours on and we get to hear her make noises and try to eat the laptop.
I miss the little princess and can’t wait to be able to kiss her smoochy little cheeks!

I love my grandbabies!

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25
Oct
Ambivalence
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: ex, journey, Random


I knew this was my word for the day, but I had other things I had to do.

Today is Dans, my ex-husband, birthday.

Last night I couldn’t sleep to save my life. I had thoughts going through my head that made absolutely NO SENSE what so ever.  I had taken a Xanax earlier.

Then took another one later.  Around 4 am I decided to call in the big boys.  I finally fell asleep and I don’t know HOW in heaven I got up to get the girls ready

for school and actually managed to down two cups of coffee.  Then out of nowhere my body decided to shut down and I fell into a deep sleep.
Dan showed up around 11 am to try to convince me to take him to lunch for his birthday.  I remember it was the most painful conversation I have ever had.
“noooooooooooooooo. letmesleep.”
He kept chanting, “Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!” in his super annoying ‘it’s my birthday’ voice.
I was face down in the bed and I couldn’t even lift my head or open my eyes.

I woke up at 1:30 pm in a panic. “WHO? WHAT? WHAT’S MY NAME?”

Somehow, by the grace of God, I got Kara to her orthodontist appointment and pull together a dinner and birthday party.

You can tell he was happy. He had lasagna, his favorite German chocolate cake and presents.  He stuck around to watch baseball with Shaun and play with the

girls before they went to bed.

All in all a pretty good day (minus the waking up in a puddle of slobber)
As for the word ‘ambivalence’.  I’m actually kinda wishy-washy about it anyway.

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24
Oct
Aggression
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Anxiety, journey


Ha! Finally a word I don’t have to investigate and find the root of. I GET this word.

Let’s see. There is the pent up aggression. The outward aggression. There is road-rage aggression.
I’m sure there is a lot more different types of aggression that I harbor, but those are the three that come to mind.

It isn’t a coincidence that ‘pent up’ is the first aggression I listed. I’m so familiar with Pent Up that if we met at a party, we would totally hang out and be

BFF’s.

I had a friend once who use to go to get her colon cleansed by some doctor. She said, and I swear on this, the color of the stuff they were pulling out of her

was a ‘toxic’ color. They said the first few sessions were to clean out the medications she had been taking, but as they got further up the line (couldn’t think of

less gross way to say it) they were pulling out ‘colors’ that represent the pent up aggression she was feeling in her body.
I have no desire for anyone to crawl up my ass to tell me how much aggression I have. I know how much I have. It’s not like I’m going to go out one day and

smash a bottle of Smucker’s Jam into some fellow shoppers head because she said I looked pregnant…but it’s close.

For me, leaving my aggression where it lives inside of me is the only way to survive. The last time I let my aggression out on someone I came thisclose to

running him off the road into a telephone pole. That ironically doesn’t fall into my ‘road rage’ aggression.

The outward aggression is mostly heard by my children. They tend to ‘push it’ with me. Asking me something, me saying no and then trying to speak again

as if we were at the round table of discussion. I first say it nice. Then I get louder. AND THEN LOUDER. Then of course they take it ONE step further and do the

exasperated sigh and mumble as they walk away. The sigh is a trigger for me. I hate the sigh. I hate the last word mumble too. Then I make them STOP and

come back because NOW they are going to have it.
Each child in my house is different. Tyler stands there and stares blankly at me and nods his head. Marina stands there and stares blankly at me and wells up

with tears. Kara, she pushes it…to the final breaking point. Alyx just shrugs her shoulders and walks away. Now we have Shea. *deep breath* She cries.

EVERYTHING is a dramatical moment in her life. It is as if there is a film crew living in our house recording her every move and she must please the masses

or her ratings will drop and she’ll be replaced by Hannah Montana.
It’s been 9 years of this and I have just finally figured out how to not get her to cry when, BY GOD HER PANTS DON’T FIT RIGHT. I whisper. “Shea, you need

to find a shirt that matches the pants. You can’t wear that.”
She looks at me like I have broken my precious toy. “Mommy, why are you whispering?”
and I told her, “Because if I talk to you like a normal human being, you’ll start crying. shhhh. now lets just find you a shirt okay?”
This of course leads to me hanging out with my BFF– Pent Up Aggression.

Now, as for my road rage aggression. I am so convinced there is not a single driver out there that can drive. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying I’m not on the

list of offenders. Just ask my beautiful friend, Lisa who I have managed to almost run off the road at least 4 times. On accident, of course.
When I first met Shaun, I would only drive to his house at night and leave very early in the morning. Half of it was because of fear of him saying, “Whoa, why

are you still here?” and the other half was that there weren’t as many drivers on the road for me to scream at.
Luckily with medication this has gotten MUCH better.

So how do I deal with my Pent Up aggression? Sometimes I will clean the living hell out of ONE thing. Other times I sit in the backyard and smoke. Most of

the time I just bottle it up. It’s not healthy. I should take a kick boxing class or something, but I don’t.
Most of what I have stored in kegs inside of me is aggression that I CAN NOT let out. It has to sit there undisturbed because it’s not right for me to let it out. If

I do, I think I would fall into a heap of crying mess on the floor and not be able to recover from it.

How about you? What’s your strategy’s with dealing with aggression? Do you have to deal with other’s aggressions?

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23
Oct
Affection
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: journey


I’m pretty sure there hasn’t been a time when your comments have meant more to me. To see yourselves reflected back at me, makes me feel so much less

alone on this journey.

My word came up today and I admit, I kicked it around for awhile. I looked it up and then almost thought about skipping it and coming back to it another day.

There is a whole list of other words on that page that I could have easily wrote about, but I think that because this one was so hard for me, I would take it on.

So, I put my head on my pillow, because it seems like no matter whenever I do that, my mind begins to race and I have hundreds of things I can focus on. I

thought about the word affection and all the places it has taken me.
I fell asleep thinking about my mother.

When I woke up and read your comments and the poem from the unknown author, I knew that I was going to have to write about it.

I’ve always been an affectionate person. As a teenager, I was the girl that had no problem locking arms and sitting on your lap. I loved people. I was never

afraid that they would reject me. If I saw someone that was stand offish, be it a girl or a guy…I would go over and slowly worm myself into your personal

space before you realized I was in it. When I left, I would give you a hug. People want to be accepted and showing affection was healing to me and to them.

My mom is a hand holder. To this day, if we are out walking around, she will grab my hand, pull me close, put her head on my shoulder and tell me she loves

me. It’s a given. I was blessed with being able to accept affection.

Of course, as I got older I realized that affection could be taken several different ways. What was once cute playing, was now flirting. What was comforting

others, was now ‘coming on’ to them. What was once so easy to enter someone’s bubble was taking effort. Why had all the sudden people put up these walls?

What is this thing called ‘baggage’?

I spent many years being standoffish around people, not knowing if this person was going to reject me or make me feel stupid.
Being married pretty much put a stop to any sort of affection I could display. Then something wonderful happened. My friend Bryan moved in. He was gay and

just as bouncy, trouncey lovable as I was. He would run up to me and hug me while squealing, “Krissy Pooh!”.

Then Kara was born and all the love and affection I had went into to her. To be able to kiss her toes and talk crazy to her was like a rebirth in myself. She

would giggle at me if I attacked her tummy with kisses. How great was this? Someone who will soak up all this affection I have been holding back.

For the last 14 years I have found that being affectionate doesn’t make me a ‘tease’ or is a promise of something else. It’s just me. I love to hug.

I can honestly say I have busted through some walls with people. It’s amazing how much a hug can help someone. It’s actually pretty easy, “I’m sorry…I’m a

hugger.” and go in for the kill.

There is a little something I do have to bring up. I hate the fake affection person. You know what I’m talking about? the person who just gets in there and gets

up in your your face and wants to be your best friend and won’t leave you alone. It take a long time to be on my ‘best friend’ status list.
Does that just contradict everything I just wrote?
What’s your stand on affection? Do you have walls or do you break them down?

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23
Oct
Acceptance
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: journey


Whenever I get lost on a certain word, I go to Wikipedia to read up on it. Sometimes I get lost in the definitions of words that turns into a path of links and I

forget where I started.
This happened tonight.
I found a list of ‘emotions’ and all the words jumped out at me, urgently asking for attention. I copied the list and began looking at each one of them. They

were all beautiful words, each one begging to be examined more deeply.

Tonight’s word was acceptance. How can I incorporate that word into my daily life? I then realized how much ‘acceptance’ I do have. It’s not always

unconditional or without questioning it, but I do have it.

The next question I asked myself what my limits to acceptance are?
My doctor made sure that in order to save my life, I was going to have to put limits on what I will or will not except in my life.
Without question, the number one thing was to avoid drama. Shaun and I have taken a solid stand on being the ‘common ground’. We refuse to be pulled into

other people’s drama. We have also said that is the thing we want our children to learn.
It’s amazing how many times you have to ask your teenage daughter, “How does all of that drama have to do with YOU?”

According to Wikipedia, Acceptance… usually refers to the experience of a situation without an intention to change that situation.

I’m never true to my SELF when it comes to accepting things. I want to be a certain type of person…an organized, together, ‘got it done’ type of person.

Unfortunitly I am not that person. I want to be a ‘get out there and do it and experience it’ type of person. I am also not that person.
Is this something I accept? How do I push myself to be that person if it’s something I want? Or do I realize I am not that person and stop trying to change it?

When I was a teenager and my parents and I would bounce off to church every Sunday, the one thing that always stuck with me (because I was stubborn) was

Faith is believing what you can not see. I couldn’t SEE my faith, but damn it, I better believe it or I will rot in hell (Baptist…of course).

I think that is what my acceptance has to be. I have to believe that there are things I can’t change.

I asked you what your blessings were for the weekend and I was personally touched by each of your responses. I craved more and more comments so I could

swim in your blessed moments.

What are your thoughts on the word ‘acceptance’? What do you Accept in your life?

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21
Oct
Lookin’ for LOVE
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: journey, Random


As you can see, I’m moving things around here. Getting suggestions from readers is helping. I tried to find a layout that looks the same in Firefox and in

Windows Explorer. How did I do?

I’m also moving things around in my life. First the scissors, next the cupboards and who knows what is next on my list. I’m finding there are things in me that

need to be done.

This weekend has been a quiet one. Shaun has been shooting the first annual Horror Film Festival. This is really up his alley because he has a part of his

brain that is cleared out for nothing but horror movies. He got to meet Michael Meyers from Halloween and the guy who played Candyman. In fact he has

spent the last 3 days being friends with them.
He came home and said at one point he was sitting in the theater and Michael Meyers sat down behind him. Later that night he said, “You know it’s kinda

creepy to have Michael Meyers sitting behind me.”
Personally it’s kind of creepy that my husband is pals with these guys..and calls them by their first name.
It’s probably a good thing I didn’t go. I have nightmares without hanging out with scary people.

Anyway, in this book i’m reading, “eat, pray, love” she mentioned something. It’s recognizing a part of your day that you are truly happy in.
Today was having my daughter laying in bed with me and giggling. I noticed it the second it happened. Through the past week, it’s been hard to find those

blissful moments and be able to put them down for me to remember. In fact, I didn’t even write them down. From here on out, I will. I want to remember them.

What has been your happy moments this weekend?

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20
Oct
I’ll keep him.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: ex, friends
During my first marriage I learned many things that I never thought would form me into the person I am today. Some of them are stupid things, but some of

them are the core of who I am.

Car maintenance was the number one thing. I was the horrible one in the relationship when it came to remembering to get the oil changed. Dan would hand

me a coupon to get the oil changed and would hound me until I gave him the receipt from the mechanic. He made sure the brakes weren’t getting to thinned.

He could diagnose the problem of the car by the sound it made or the smell it made.

The only thing I had a pet peeve over was the wind shield wipers. In fact I could tell you if I could be in a relationship with someone by how well their

windshield wipers worked.
I’m not kidding. Seriously. I can handle many things except two things; Crappy wipers and dust on the dashboard. You can have the boogie monster blowing

sulfur out of his ass in the backseat…but I better be able to see out of the windshield.

Tonight on the way to drop of Tyler, the wiper blew off The Car From Hell (aka: Shaun’s car) I could see exactly 3 inches of the road. Every single light became

a crazy acid flashback.

Guess what happened then? Yep, anxiety attack from hell. I finally got home and kissed the oil stained driveway. Then I called every I knew to help me get the

girls home from the dance, because as it was, I would rather walk all the way to the high school in the rain then go get them in the car.

My friend, ‘Cita and her husband went to Wal-mart and bought me new windshield wipers and installed them. Of course, by the time I had to go pick up the

girls from the dance (yes, a dance every other weekend–it’s getting old) it had stopped raining.

I ran the wipers a few times with the cleaner and the joy I felt over the windshield’s clarity brought tears to my eyes.

Shaun better be thanking Brian because I was THISCLOSE to breaking up with my husband.

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19
Oct
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


Last weekend was spent shooting pictures.  The first set of pictures were friends of Tabitha.

The weather wasn’t going to work out and it looked as if we were going to have to cancel. As Saturday approached the weather cleared up and I made the call

that the portraits were back on.  *Brenda sounded very relieved. She said it was very important that they get the pictures done as soon as possible.

As we got out there, I was reminded of the ‘friends’ we would taking pictures of.  See, Tabitha has LOTS of friends and to keep them straight I would need a

flow chart.   I was reminded that the sister was battling cancer.
“Oh…Okay, it’s coming to me.” The sister had cancer. Yep, that’s all I knew.

When we got there I would have never guessed she had cancer. She was happy. She was running around and chasing her niece and nephew. She had this

adorable haircut.  I thought, “hmm, she must be ‘all better’”.

By th end of the shoot her sister and her decided that she was comfortable enough to ask me something. “Can you get a picture of me without my wig on?”

She was wearing an adorable shirt that said, “I believe in a cure.” and wanted a picture to ‘remember’.
Before she took it off I was waiting for this huge transformation of her looks.  As the wig slid off her head, I muttered, “Bitch.”  She looked at me with her

adorably stubbly head. “What?”
“You are just as beautiful without your wig.”
It was true.  I had just spent an hour with this woman watching her laugh and smile. It was impossible to not see her beautiful without something so

superficial as ‘hair’.

As I was driving home later I was thinking about ‘cancer’. I know a lot of my readers have cancer or knows someone that has cancer.  That is about is close to

cancer I had been up until Saturday.

Shaun told me, “Yeah, her sister has cancer.”
I informed him that I knew. I took picture of her without her wig on.
“No, her sister.  She has cancer too.”

Oh My God.  Both sisters fighting cancer together. One was on one side of it and the other just starting it.  There is a reason for everything. I am reminded of

this.  One was laughing and smiling. She was the inspiration.  She would now be the rock for the other.  When the words, “I’ve been there.” are spoken

between these sisters, it will mean something more than I will ever understand.

The next day, Shaun and I took pictures of Darius and Dominique. They are two brothers that are making something huge out of their lives.
This was our second shoot with the boys. They insisted that Shaun and I shoot their pictures again since the last set got them to ‘big places’.
This time their agent and mother came along with them.  I wasted no time letting their mother know that she had done a great job raising her boys.
They always made sure to address us, “Yes ma’am and Yes Sir.”
After an hour and half of watching the boys laugh and joke with each other while we took their pictures we called it a day.
“Pray they get the gig with Alicia Keys.”

It seems last weekend was about learning things about siblings and the love and strength they draw from each other.

Can I ask some of you to take up some of the praying for me?  One for the sisters and the other for the brothers.

This weekend…you might want to also pray for my children. I am going to make them realize that I will not spend the whole week cleaning and organizing for

them to come in and mess it all up.
Oh no,  they will either learn to bond together to make mommy happy or I am going to take my camera and beat the living hell out them.

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18
Oct
Cleaning and Sleeping
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random, The Fonz


After the cleaning and organizing of the kitchen I was exhausted. Instead of being thrilled for having accomplished so much, I felt anxious that someone was

going to mess it up. I went on patrol every hour on the hour and like a bullhorn would announce, “WHO LEFT THE PLATE ON THE TABLE!?”

The next morning I spent the day in my closet, looking for the floor and the source of the ants that have decided to hide out in there. Gay ants, hiding in my

closet. I don’t have the heart to spray them. They are probably just trying to figure out how to get me to dress like a normal person.

Today was spent vacuuming, emptying the canister, vacuuming some more, emptying the canister. I have enough dog hair to create a few more dogs.

This post of course leads to the “I’m sorry, Mom” that she has been waiting for 20 years for.
1. Sorry mom for you having to ask me 5 times to do something.
2. Sorry mom for not doing it even after asking me 5 times.
3. Sorry for rolling my eyes when you would ask me 5 times.
4. Sorry for messing up everything you did and not noticing how well you cleaned all day while I was at school.
5. Sorry about complaining about the dog hair in your house.
6. Sorry…for waiting this long to say I’m sorry.

During all of this, I’m tired. I’m sure it has to do with the pain in my tooth. Who knows.

Anyway…still working on me, and not doing too shabby.

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16
Oct
What’s Up Next?
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: journey, Random




It may not look clean and organized to you, but to me…angels are singing.

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16
Oct
Almost There.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: journey, Random
I’m getting closer to being finished with the kitchen. The sucky part is when I post the pictures, you won’t be able to smell the clean goodness of the floor and

counters?
I know. Go open up some cleaning stuff and take a whiff. That’s what my hair and fingers smell like.

Oh, and while I am on my pilgrimage, I have decided that there are somethings our world can do without. I’m not talking about health care reform or a cleaner

ozone. Let the big dogs take care of that.

Me…I’m REALLY thinking that the US of A and pretty much ALL of the world can do without seeing one more Chris Crocker video. I’m not even going to link

you to any, because if you have been blessed by the heavens to NOT have seen his rant about ‘stop picking on Britney’, then by all that is holy…DON’T

START NOW.

I’m sure his mother is SO proud. *coughnotcough*

Back to cleaning…pictures later tonight. Feel free to rant about the crap we can do without. Minus the deep stuff because my head will explode.

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15
Oct
My Version of Eat, Pray and Love…and right now we are in the ‘eat part’
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: journey, Random




On this path..which probably will lead me to a small place between purgatory and Wal-mart…I have found that searching for the scissors has made a whole

new part of me burst forth. Okay, over exaggeration. *clearing throat* I have found that finding all them scissors made me feel happy and a small part of my

brain thought, “Hey maybe if you pulled EVERYTHING you have out of EVERY drawer in your house, you might find scissors.”

Drawers turned into cupboards and as you can see, this is what I am left with. All my stuff in a pile on the table, counters and floors.

So, instead of throwing my hands up in frustration as I go through the cupboards and find boxes of cereal that have 2 flakes or sugar coated goodness and

yelling, “WHY? WHY CAN’T YOU ALL THINK TO THROW THE DAMN BOX AWAY WHEN THERE IS CLEARLY LESS THAN BOWL LEFT IN THERE!” I have

decided to just ‘wash’ this once and do this with a open mind.

I was blessed with lots of cooking stuff as wedding gifts (and a kick ass pair of sheets that will never leave my bed) and I am going to organize all my

cooking/baking stuff in the drawers that once housed all the food. I have more cooking STUFF than food on any given day anyway.

Where was I going with this? OH yes, this would be the ‘Eat’ part of my trip. When some people are lucky enough to go to Italy and eat food and gain weight…I

am home and I am going to get my ‘eating’ area in order. Dinner at the table instead of everyone scattering to another room and scarfing down the food like a

wild pack of animals. Okay, over exaggeration. *clearing throat* Instead of me hiding in the corner and inhaling my food.

More pictures as the day progresses.

Feel that? it’s the holy light of goodness shining on me….or it’s the pain meds kicking in.

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14
Oct
Attraversiamo
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


I hate admitting this, because it’s so housewifey and self-helpish. I was watching Oprah the other day (that’s the part, I hate to admit…carry on.) She was

interviewing the writer of the book she was showcasing that month. Her name is Elizabeth Gilbert (which I was grateful for because it was an easy name for me

to remember. Little House on The Prairie Gilbert)
As this woman was speaking…or at least trying to talk when Oprah’s lips weren’t flapping with compliments and gushing on and on…I was connecting with

her.
I rushed out and bought the book with the remaining borrowed dollars my mom and sister sent me.

Right now I am just in the beginning part of the book…which according to Kalki…is really the only good part of the book. I ran across Kalki’s review while

checking to see if I spelled the Italian word for “Let’s Cross Over” correctly. I’m a long time fan of Kalki (we go back) so I was happy to read her review. I was

hoping I could grab her and dance the ‘I found a great book’ dance with her. She didn’t like it so much. I still love her.

That’s not going to stop me from my gushing part of this book. Like I said, I’m still only in the first part of the book, but holy damn do I relate to this journey.

She recites Rumi and the Bhagavad gita. I am in awe of her ability to make everything sound like a taste.

I keep putting the book down and finding it hard to not clap after I finish whatever it was I just read. I want to rush out and learn Italian and have a real reason

for being overweight other than sheer laziness.

She talks about living a life that doesn’t resemble her. She admits to laying on the floor in a sobbing mess. Her path through divorce and her relationship

with her lover are far too real to me. This journey is mine. Except I don’t have the cash or lack of responsibility to drop everything and go to Italy, India and

Indonesia. My journey is here, in the USA, California, Rocklin…in the small sub-community of Stanford Ranch. My food isn’t bursting with flavor, because it

wasn’t until I started watching Rachel Ray did I know there was a huge difference between cooking with Olive Oil than Vegetable Oil. Who knew?
My praying has mostly been done on the bathroom floor above the toilet after a night out (during the divorce) where I would pray the same prayer over and

over. “Dear Lord, if you get me through this without the spinning and vomiting I will NEVER drink another drink as long as I live.”
My closest to Yoga is the balancing act I would try to do during college. Homework, Kids, Work and what box of Pasta Roni would we eat that night.

This book, so far, came to me at a point where I am searching for something. First the scissors. We all need to start somewhere, right?

Shaun and I went on a date the other night. We sat in Barnes and Noble bookstore after dinner and I watched this guy with his laptop and headphones and he

was writing something. There were other things going on around me and I tried to soak it all in. People were just sitting there reading. Some where eating and

flipping through magazines. People were out there doing their things.
Could I fit into this world? Could I walk outside of my box and just ‘be’? Could I do it and not feel like a fraud trying to fit in with the people that can just do

that…just sit out there in the open and read or even have on a pair of headphones IN PUBLIC without the fear of someone sneaking up behind me and killing

me? Could I do this?

I shall try.

I’m going to pack the 7 pairs of scissors in my laptop bag…JUST IN CASE though.

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13
Oct
first things first. the scissors.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: ex, journey
Thursday Dan came over to bring me a coffee. I got up with a mission. I was going to find ALL the scissors in the house.
As he is rambling on about something about work, I was roaming the rooms and looking for sharp edges.

“So I told Andrew that…” he would start.
“AH-HA! ANOTHER PAIR!” I ran for the little hiding place I had found to stash the scissors in.
“Anyway…this spreadsheet I have has these drop boxes….”
“I KNEW IT! TWO PAIRS IN HERE!” I skip to the container that now has THREE pairs of scissors in them.

“What are you doing?” He finally realizes that I am not paying attention to him and more concerned with the container of bright colored scissors.
“I’m on a pilgrimage to find all the lost scissors in my house.” Duh.
“Why?” He asks, because the look of complete stupidity I am reflecting back at him isn’t an answer enough.
“Because Dan, if I can get the scissors back, I am closer to God.”

He kicks his feet up on the bed from the desk chair he is sitting on and laughs at me…and then keeps talking about DMULX something or other that has to do

with the cellular business he is in.

“HOLY SHIT!” I come around the corner holding SCOTCH TAPE! “Dan…TAPE. I FOUND TAPE!” I think I might have done some happy dance of joy and sang

a little bit. I don’t remember. That might have been the moment that I was touched by God himself.

I sometimes wonder if he misses being married to me and that is why he comes over. Sorta like one of those birds at the pet store. You don’t want to own it

because you know it will be loud and messy…but it’s fun to watch.

After an hour of his rambling and my “AH-HA!”ing he stood up to leave. “Hey, there is a pair in the side drawer!” (The searching has become infectious)

I crawl out from under the bed and look in the drawer. “Nope. Little sewing scissors don’t count, But thanks for validating my madness.”

“If you happen to find a large pair of wire cutting scissors in your pilgrimage, those are mine.”

“Find your own path to God, Dan. This is mine.”

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10
Oct
need some of something.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


You know those days or nights when you feel a stirring inside of you begging to be recognized?

Through my short years on this earth, I have had many of those. In fact, at times, it feels like my whole life is a stirring.

“If I could just do this, it would make my life exactly right.”

Outside of becoming the Human Crash Test Dummy for all the walls I have hit on the path I thought was the right direction, I haven’t gotten where I need to

be.

Need to be.  Why is it that I need to be anywhere than where I am right now?  Actually, I don’t. I am at the right place at the right time.  I’m just not the right

person. I’m overweight, I’m anxiety ridden and I don’t know how to say, “No” and mean it.  I don’t know how to sit in silence with myself and breath. I don’t

know how to thankful for all the blessings in my life.  I don’t know how to, DO.

Tyler, a senior in high school, decided he was going to sign up to be a counselor for camp.  He didn’t do it because all of his friends were going.  He didn’t

do it to get extra credit or to look good on his college admissions.  He did it because he wanted to do it.  That easy. He wanted to do something outside of his

normal, everyday life. He just signed up and did it.
He tried to get friends to sign up with him, but when they came up with excuses of why they couldn’t, he just shrugged it off and still went.

How many times in the past year alone have I thought of doing something and because I didn’t have someone to push me to do it (example: Ruka taking me

to ballets or orchestras) or anyone interested in doing what I thought would be fun..that I just wrote it off?  Hundreds.  HUNDREDS of times I said, “Naw.”

Even tonight when Shaun asked if I wanted to go with him to walk the dog.  I DO. I DO WANT TO GO…but, no.  What is wrong with me?

Alyx said something today. (Remember she’s 10 years old) She said, “Britney lost her babies.  She’s probably going to die now.  I mean, if you’re a mother

and you don’t have your children…what is your purpose?”

Okay, I had to step back from this for a second.  I couldn’t get on a soap box, because in her 10 year old head she was thinking ‘Britney’ and I’m thinking the

WHOLE picture of things.  Did I want my daughter to grow thinking that your only purpose in life is your children? I did sort of raise them that way.   No. Of

course I don’t want them thinking that…but do I want them to…?? I don’t know.  My best bet at the moment was to just shut up and figure it out later.  Which I

haven’t.

Right now, as I type…Kara is talking about the colleges she is interested in.  At her age, college was he last thing I had on my mind.

So here I am, sitting on my bed…thinking about the things I need to do to get right with myself.

The things I NEED.

I need to be able to learn how to be quiet. DEMAND quiet from those around me.  I am surrounded by sound and I am tired of trying to escape it. I want to be

in it and be able to control the chaos. I want true silence and be able to be thankful for it.

No more surprises in my life. From the small things from a knock at the door to the walls crashing in around me.  No more. I want to know where to find the

scissors and how much pasta we have left in the cupboard.

I don’t need much. I don’t need to rock climb or be able to do back flips…but dear Lord, can I please touch my toes?  I don’t need to learn a new language,

but can I make it through ONE post without spell check?  Can I grasp the English language and introduce new words everyday?

I can.

It’s going to start with saying ‘no’.  It’s going to start with saying, “Shhh.”  It’s going to start with being able to sit with myself and not think about the 5,000

things I should be doing outside of sitting there thinking about how to remain silent.

Alrighty with that said,  Raise your hand if you want to take one or more of my kids for the next year so I can do this?

Just kidding.  Send cookies.

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10
Oct
Happy Birthday SmoochDog!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: friends


Today is Michelle’s birthday, so head on over and give her some birthday lovin! (Someone hired a stripper…shhhh)

‘Cita took me to a King’s preseason game and we had a blast. Tina called as we were at the game to see if we wanted her tickets. Her tickets were like spitting

distance from the floor so we fanangled our way into those seats. THANKS CITA and TINA for a fun night.
It was SO worth taking a shower for!!

The Seattle Sonic guys…they need some sun.

If any of you out there are pasty white, come to California for a few days and we can fix that, mkay?

More tomorrow when my typing isn’t so loud it’s waking up Shaun.

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09
Oct
It’s Fall, right?
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: photography, Random


It’s is going to rain everyday this week, except the ONE day we are shooting the “Fall Carnival” at the little girls school.

We have been shooting random things lately. A lot of senior portraits and a band shoot. It’s time to get everyone in for the ‘family portraits’ for Christmas.

Alright, I need money. Who doesn’t?

In the process of trying to keep Hope Photographers in business, I opened up a website for the kids of Rocklin teen photographers. Did I tell you this already?

I feel so brain dead lately. It seems like I can’t keep a thought in my head without it flying out.
I think it might have something to do with the “Dog The Bounty Hunter” marathon today.

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07
Oct
New Rules
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: My Brats, photography


Here it is: Plan NOTHING to do on the day of Homecoming or any proms until 2016. If you do anything other than drive around all day, catering to your

children’s needs —> you will spend the next day in bed with a headache that feels like you have partied with the Captain and did some swinging from the

chandlers. Seriously. Homecoming and Prom preparation is a full day ordeal.

Yes, I will have at least one kid in high school until 2016. Scary huh? The scary part is it will be a girl in high school. Can someone calculate how much

money I will have to spend on dresses, tickets, flowers, hair, nail, transportation and everything that comes along with dances and girls for the next 9 years?

Last night was homecoming in the Random and Odd house. Tyler being a senior went out to dinner with his date. The girls being freshman…they settled for

dinner at home. It’s strange how my house becomes the vortex of kids when there is a school function. We managed to feed 10 kids and 2 adults.

Kara called about an hour after leaving, she wasn’t feeling good and needed to come home. I didn’t know if it was a ‘don’t feel good’ or ‘was teased and wants

the floor to suck her up’. For the 10 minutes it took for Shaun to pick her up I had every thought pass through my head. It’s hard not to want to cry for your

child when she gets so excited about something and then have it crushed.
I realized something last night; The heartache of having a daughter in high school is unexplainable.

And think, I only have how many more years of that heartache?



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05
Oct
What do you want?
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


Since I’m asking…anything you’ve been hankerin’ fer?

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03
Oct
Cravin’
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


Why is it when you CAN’T have something is when you really want it the most?
I’m sure it’s directly related to the male hormone, but I’m not pointing medical fingers.

My tooth is still as it was.  Yes, it’s still exposed. Yes, it’s still abscessed. Yes I’m still on antibiotics and painkillers. And yes, my stomach is officially

hamburger.
Kristine, why haven’t you gotten to the dentist yet?
Because my dental insurance is in limbo. You know right at that point where your hair is dragging on the ground and your back is about to break, but there is

no turning back and moving forward means falling on your ass?  I’m at that part of limbo.  I used that for an example, but honestly I have never limboed.  I

think the closest thing to a limbo is when I was ducking a low hanging spider web.

My Mortgage company sent me a shirt that I have to wear; I am the mortgage companies bitch.  ‘Nuff said.

We are learning this cute thing called, “survival”.  It’s figuring out how to make a stupid amount of money *coughfourtybuckscough* last exactly for 12 days.

So far, we are doing alright.  Only 9 days left to go.
Shaun bought a pack of cigarettes for me and I get to have exactly one a night.  *coughsendsmokescough*

The tooth situation is getting a wee bit out of hand. I’m this close to giving the pain a name.  The pain is almost as bad as trying to learn algebra at 30 years

old…or any song by Celine Dion.

Alrighty then, the pain medication is causing me to see flying monkeys playing poker at the foot of my bed.  Night everyone.

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02
Oct
A New Day at Random and Odd…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
Podcasting.
You hear it everyday and you all probably are very knowledgeable on what it is, right? I AM NOT. I watch one podcast and it’s only semi-regularly…It’s Cat at

Desperate Working Mommas. She’s cute, she’s funny and my daughter wants Cat to adopt her.

Podcasting in Kristine terms: Putting up lame videos of what goes on in my house so you can hear how annoying my voice is, how my hair never looks right

and is in the ponytail 80% of the time. My readers able to see that my house is not perfect and my kids are just as crazy I am.

None of these will be edited because, I wouldn’t even know where to start on how to edit anything. You won’t get the cute intros (unless Shaun is feeling in the

mood to make me one) and nothing cut out because the lighting was bad.

WYSIWYG podcasting. I should probably look up the definition of Podcasting huh? I might be saying I’m doing something that I’m not. Geez, I might be

saying I’m giving away free Kias.

So here is the first set of videos.

This One: This is me after a day of taking care of a sick kid. I was demonstrating my mad skill at playing Guitar Hero.

This One: Tyler showing how you SHOULD play Guitar Hero. Shaun comes in at the end.

This One: Shaun in the shower. LOL. You better not be clicking this one FIRST!

Hope this makes up for not posting pictures of the kids dressed up like hippies.

Oh, and after several hours I figured out how to SOME sort of editing through YouTube. Too late though, you’re stuck with the full, lame versions for my

debut.

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02
Oct
Spirit Days during Homecoming Week
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
When Shaun and the kids moved out here with me, Tyler was just going into his Freshman year and the first set of girls were going into 6th grade.

For the past 4 school years I have watched as Tyler has gotten dressed up for nearly almost EVERY spirit day theme.
Some of Tyler’s ‘costumes’ will go down in Rocklin High School history.  Some of these will be the things his friends will laugh about when they have their

own children and tell stories about the time Tyler came to school dressed in scuba gear for “Hawaiian Day”; he proudly walked to school in his neoprene

body suit, his package out there for the world to see.
On “Superhero Day” he disappointed his father by not coming up with anything super original, but did manage to go as Batman.  We had to go to Target and

buy him the shirt and go the toy section to get the breast plate, the mask and accessories.

Being a senior hasn’t changed his enthusiasm for theme day.  He came running in this morning trying to pull a costume together in an hour.
Kara had already coordinated her costume the night before and was ready to go.

At 7am I awoken by Kara wearing one of my shirts, my shoes and asking me to draw a peace sign on her face.  She had decided to go with the more earthy

type of hippie for “Peace Day”.
Tyler came running into the room wearing another of my shirts and Shaun’s American Flag tie around his head….AND MY SHOES.  “I need fatty pen for the

sign I’m making.”

Marina has decided that the more modern ‘hippie’ is what she is going for. I had to draw a microscopic peace sign next to her eye. She was done. Wearing all

of her own clothing.

It’s getting down to ‘go time’ and Tyler is surfing the net, “I need a anti-war slogan for my sign.”
“Make love, not war.”
He looked at me like I was the greatest. “Yeah, that’s REALLY good.”
I’m sure later in life he will realize that I didn’t make that little ditty up on the spot, but for now I will take the credit.

As I am driving back from the school I see all the kids walking to school and maybe 3 kids were wearing anything remotely related to theme day.
I’m glad my kids took it upon their selves to put together a costume and got into the best part of high school; participation and making lasting memories.

I just hope to God and all that’s Holy that neither one of them spills anything on my two favorite shirts.

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