2007: March - July

10
Jul
*sigh*
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Anxiety
Do you ever wonder how people you love and take care of can be walking around you, talking to you, asking you questions and just BEING in the same room and not see how close you are to just seriously needing to be put into a looney bin? Do they not see you’re about to snap?

How can this be?

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09
Jul
One Year down, now let’s us see if we can make it through the next week…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random, Shaun


This year has been, shall we say, turbulent. After 5 months of being married, his ex-wife and her 1 year old moved in with us. She lived with us for 7 months and last weekend she moved out. I had planned this cute get away for Shaun and I on the coast in a cutsie Bed and Breakfast inn. It was going to be my spontaneous get-away-from-it-all.
All hell broke lose on Thursday and I had to cancel the appointment.

We decided to drive to SF on Sunday, but the mood was sort of blah and we were tired from moving Tabitha out the night before. I was in a pissy mood. The 4 batteries we packed were all dead and I forgot the memory cards.
When you’re a photographer, everything is a picture and if you can’t capture it, it just puts you in a funk.

Our dinner was spent at IKEA in Emeryville eating Swedish meatballs. Not the exact dinner you would think we would have as a celebratory dinner, but we had no money so for 12 bucks we had an awesome dinner.

I drank a venti coffee and half of a Hugo soda, so by the time we got to where we were going I was about to piss my pants. I LIED to 7 women standing in line at Ross so I could get into the bathroom. “I’m sorry, I am pregnant…I can barely hold anything.” And the nice women let me use the bathroom ahead of them. Yes, I know…rot in hell for that one too.

This week is just about getting our house back together. I am still working on pulling the whole bedroom together. Strangely the colors have changed. I don’t know how that happened, but oh well.

Exciting post huh? 3 Xanax through out the day tends just make me BLAH!!

Your SPF: Your SPF. How do you protect yourself? from the sun? from the bugs? from all things bad? alarms? sprays?

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08
Jul
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Letters, Shaun


One year down…..

Shaun here. Kristine, one year ago today, I was slipping hallucinogens in your bottled water. It worked, you said ‘I do’. That completed my master plan to use you for your money….amazing water pressure in your shower. You’re pretty cute too…but that water pressure, WOW. At any rate, you said yes and there’s no do-overs. I checked the paperwork and they’re pretty clear on that.
Kristine, I love you. I’m hoping to write fifty more of these anniversary posts.

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06
Jul
Because I said so…it just doesn’t fly anymore.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: My Brats, Random


A couple of years ago Shaun’s Dad had a heart attack. He recovered, but it took some time. During his recovery, we heard, “Your father is recovering from a heart attack so we won’t be able to (insert anything here)”
Then we sort of used it to explain his grumpiness; “He’s recovering from a heart attack.”
And then after a good year of hearing and saying it, it became the family joke, “Ohh, that’s right…He’s recovering from a heart attack.”
It had almost come to the point that we almost had a t-shirt made for him. In fact, since he is STILL ‘recovering’ from the heart attack, it might make for a good Christmas gift.

Today, I realized that I have termed my own key phrase. “Because, I’m a grandma.”

Ariana came over today and I had to pick her up because her mommy, Jen, had a car that decided it was going to overheat on the way over. I can’t understand why, it was only a 113 degrees here today.
On the way to her rescue I had to make a pit stop at the dollar store. I told anyone within ear shot that I was going to pick up my grand baby. I also would add, “Actually I am a grandma of TWO babies. One just barely a week old. Yep, that’s me…I’m a grandma.”
I’m sure people thought I was crazy. If you actually pulled the dates together I would have had to be around 13 when I had my first kid. Damned the dates and the technicalities, I AM A GRANDMA.

As I hit the freeway with grand baby in the back seat, some a-hole decided to cut me off. I have never understood the ‘baby on board’ signs people have in the car windows. I mean, I get it…there is a baby in the car…good for you for being able to reproduce.
No, that is not the reason they have those signs. It’s a beacon that screams: I HAVE A BABY IN THE CAR SO I AM A NERVOUS WRECK AND IF YOU HIT ME OR THINK ABOUT DRIVING LIKE AN IDIOT WITHIN A MILE OF ME, I WILL PULL YOU OUT OF THE CAR AND BEAT YOU TO DEATH WITH A TEETHING RING!

I then decided that a “Grandma with anxiety attacks WITH baby on board” signs might be a good financial endeavor. With these signs you also get 30 big, red reflectors to tack all the way around your car making sure that you are sure that EVERYONE can see you day or night. In the package you would also get a license plate cover that read, “Don’t mess me…because I am a grandma!”

What do you think?

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04
Jul
Happy Fourth of July!!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
Kara’s surgery went well. I would post pictures, but can you say…EWWW???  Yeah, it was bad.  She’s still recovering from it. the tooth is there and it looks good.  Now I am praying to the Tooth God that he will allow her tooth to come down and chill with the other ones.

This is the first 4th of July that there are no BBQ’s, no blasting off of cheap fireworks, no screaming children running in and out of the house asking me if it’s OK if they use my lighter.  This will also be the first year that I won’t be freaking out that a piccolo pete is going to slide up under my feet and explode.  Or are those blooming rose buds?  I don’t know, they are all loud and smelly.  AND SOMEONE ALWAYS GETS HURT.

Yes, this year. I am going to chill out in my backyard and look at how well I have done burying the bodies of past boyfriends.  I am going to sit in my new chairs and enjoy the candles that are set out and kick my feet up.

Oh, yeah, I forgot to tell you about that!! Tabitha decided to turn my backyard of doom into a Zen garden.  It looks so freaken good!!  Alyx said we will call it Tabithia Land.   It’s awesome. I will take pictures at dusk so you can see how pretty it is.

As you can tell, I am much more relaxed. I have been reading and listening to music outside.  I am at peace for the first time in awhile.  I am doing SO well right now.

Sunday marks our One Year I Haven’t Killed Him Yet Day!!  Yes, I have been married for one whole year.

*hugs*

I gotta go, there is a book and and a handsome man waiting for me to pay him some attention.

Happy Fourth Everyone. Thank EVERYONE that is a wife, daughter, son, aunt, uncle, grandparent…of a man or woman in the military.  You keep their spirits strong and give them hope.  Of course, thank you for everyone that has ever served in our military. It is because of you that I have the right to write whatever I want.
And on that note:  Boob hair.

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02
Jul
I’m a grandma AGAIN!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random




Internet,
Meet my newest grandaughter, Taylor Marie. She was born 3 days ago. She was 5 lbs and a million inches long!
Congrats go out to Dennis and Elizabeth (stationed in Colorado)

I swear, who becomes a grandma twice in two months?



Here is baby granddaughter one, Ariana Faith at a month old. This is picture to proof that Tyler CAN hold a baby without breaking her.

Hey, I am a G-ma AGAIN!!

(fingers crossed–Kara’s appointment is tomorrow)

AND: THE DUDE IS THIS CLOSE TO WINNING…congrat me, well wish me, AND THEN RUN TO THIS WEBSITE AND VOTE FOR DANNY!  I mean, come on, dude is close to winning…and not too bad to look at either *hubba hubba*

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25
Jun
Monday Morning…not this Monday, NEXT Monday
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: kara


Kara finally got her thumbs up for her oral surgery. They are ready to slice open her gums and retrieve the tooth now that the braces have given it space to come down.

Sounds wonderful huh?

I’m so excited for her to finally be able to feel ‘normal’. My sister said she doesn’t want Kara to be any more beautiful than she already is. I agree too, but I want her to have at least a fighting chance in High School. Kids are mean enough, give them a missing tooth teenage girl to torment and they will be in heaven.

Hopefully by the end of summer she will be much closer to ‘normal’. I can’t wait for her to walk into a room and know NOTHING is stopping her from being all that she can be.
She is so much more than I ever could have been at her age. She’s fearless going up on stage with the leading role. Can you imagine how she will be when she can smile without fear?

I can’t wait for the day when that boy, you know the one…we all had one, comes up to her to try to give her the time of the day and she says, ‘Yeah. Right. You were so mean to me in school, why would I even talk to you?’. Then I hope she remembers all the guys that did treat her with respect and some dorky guy gets the heart of my daughter.

Yeah, this is coming from the woman who is skeptical of ‘happy endings’.

So this is the week build up to the surgery. Roll with me people, just roll with me.

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25
Jun
Understanding Dr. Lousy
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Anxiety, photography, Shaun


Someone once told me, “I had no money in my pocket and I stressed and stressed about it. I couldn’t sleep. I paced until I finally was tired enough to sleep. When I woke up the next morning I reached into my pocket and guess what I found? Nothing. All the stressing, pacing and sleepless night didn’t magically make money appear in my pockets”

I had to keep that memory in the forefront of my mind all day on Friday. The 2nd house payment installment of THREE THOUSAND dollars was due on Friday and I was a few hundred dollars short due to the water, garbage and PG&E bill that came due this month. It had gone from robbing Peter to pay Paul, to Peter showing up at my house with a bully club and finger removers.

Friday I figured out how the pills I have been on have somewhat fixed the panic attacks. All day I was a wreck. I paced. I went into rooms and forgot why. I went to the bathroom every 3 minutes knowing I didn’t have to pee, but seemed like if I could pin point SOMETHING to do that would make the itch to move around that it would go away.
By the end of the night it felt like I was hit by a train.
I begged Shaun to pull on my arms and legs. If I didn’t know better you would think I was balled up in a fetal position and grinding my teeth all day. He pushed, pulled and applied pressure to release the pain that made me want to scream and cry. Finally I was able to cry and release the tension that was inside of me and able to sleep.
The pills suppressed the urge to hyperventilate and believe that the world was going to be hit by a shower of meteors and everyone I know was currently involved in a horrible car accident.
My body must have still felt all that going on, but my mind didn’t focus on that.
I understood the need to ‘feel’ the anxiety attack and learn to breath through my nose to get through it.

On Saturday, Shaun and I grabbed the cameras and headed out on the road to see what we could find.

He wanted to take pictures of me. Now why doesn’t he think of things like this after I have gotten my hair done? Nope, he waits 2 months with the roots and hair all a mess.
Did I also mention how much I hate my picture being taken? I have. I know I have. HATE IT.

He thinks I’m beautiful. Crazy, but beautiful.

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23
Jun
Hunting Wabbits
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: photography, Random, Shaun


How the hell has the two fingers behind the head lasted for so many years? I didn’t get the humor of it until today.

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23
Jun
I’VE GOT IT!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Anxiety, Random
Last night in an attempt to decompress I ran myself a nice hot bath and lit some candles. I grabbed my notebook and pen and headphones. I was going to sit in that tub until I pruned my worries away.
As I was pulling all of the supplies needed together for this perfect bath time soak, I realized I was trying to escape to a beach (something I have been daydreaming about for weeks)
Yes, this is EXACTLY what this girl needed.

During a bath I always get out too early because I make the water too hot. AH HA! I will go get the tall fan out of my room and bring it in the already cramped bathroom.

With everything ready; my soda, my 6 candles lit, mp3 player, notebook and pen…I fired up the fan making sure that the fan would hit the exact perfect spot on my face so I would be cool through out the hot bath.
What I forgot was, the fan was set to osculate. It blew out all the candles leaving the room smelling more like a camp site than the beach setting.
I fixed the fan, re-lit the fan and climbed into the bath.

For the next 5 minutes the fan blew candle smoke in my face. After the smoke smell subsided, I could smell nothing but bathroom.

Alrighty then. Time to give up the ghost and get the hell out of the tub. Before I could get out of the tub, a country song by Gretchen Wilson popped up on my Mp3 player. Redneck Woman. One of the lines in the song went something like this:
Victoria Secret, there stuffs real nice, but I can buy the same damn thing on a Wal*Mart shelf half price and still look sexy.

Now this is where my brilliance kicked in. Victoria Secret should come out with a line of panties and bras called “REEL NICE”. And instead of the cutsie pink and sexy black lace they go OUTDOORS style. Imagine this; sexy camo thong with a pushup bra to match, in between the nice rack of boobies is the most adorable fishing lure you have ever seen (minus the hook)
A pair of panties held together on the sides with this super sexy fishing wire.
THE POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS WITH THIS!! Aim the sexy gear around a ‘REEL MAN’.

I threw my idea out to Shaun. Seeing that he doesn’t own a single outdoor sporting device he looked at me like I was a freak of nature. Marina said I just have way too much time to think.

Oh well. It may never happen, but I do know this; CLICK HERE to vote for Danny Powell for the OUTDOORS MAN. This guy deserves to win!!

I bet he would think my idea was Reeeeeeeeeeeeelll nice.

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21
Jun
Sorry SPF: Here is your assignment…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: My Brats, stuff portrait friday

Air Freshener

How do you keep your house smelling good? Is it open windows? Is it Febreeze? A fan? Removing all children from your house thus removing teenage FUNK stank?

After I wrote yesterday’s post, I cleaned. And I cleaned. And I cleaned. My bedroom smells like bleach. I became one with the Magic Eraser and I went to town on the bathroom.
I’m not a happy cleaner. I’m not one of those Cinderella-birds helping with the cleaning and singing type of cleaners. I am an angry cleaner. I am, the WHOLE time complaining that I am the only one that cleans the shower. I’m pretty sure there is ONE other adult that showers EVERY NIGHT, without fail. I’m pretty sure there are FIVE other people that use my toilet in my bathroom. I’m know I am NOT the only one that uses the sink in my bathroom.
Angry cleaner. VERY ANGRY CLEANER.

After scrubbing soap scum off the shower walls and doors, I am mid dry off and the teenage boy walks in. OHHH MYYYYY FUCCKKKKKKKKKK! GET OUTTTTTTT!
I think he is cured of EVER opening my bedroom door without first knocking. He will also have to be in therapy for it. I might even need therapy.

Today Shea walked in to complain that Marina had ‘unfolded’ something she folded. I turned to her as I was seriously IN THE TOILET cleaning. “Shea, seriously…if what you are complaining about is worse than being IN A TOILET with a gallon of bleach with your eyes burning out, GET THE HELL OUT.”
Shea thought about it, stood there for a good minute as my arm is shoved down the back of a toilet listening to me mumble about how life is so unfair, and she decided that YES, HER PROBLEM WAS WORSE THAN THIS.
“Mom, I folded..”
“Shea, stop.” I did the dramatic blow the hair out of my face. “Here, you take this sponge and you climb behind the toilet and clean up the spider webs, dirt, mold, scum and whatever else that is back there and I will go refold the damn clothes.”

She turned around and left.

Yeah. I thought so.

SPF: YOUR AIR FRESHENER



DID YOU SPRAY PLAY?

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20
Jun
I should be working…buuuut,
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Anxiety


I dropped the ball.

I swear…I wish the could make a pill that you could take and it makes you want to clean the living hell out of everything you see…and then wears off around 5pm.
HOURS of cleaning would make me feel better, I know it would. The motivation to even eat is lost. *grabbing a rye chip*

Would it be so very wrong to write a note with big block letters and put it on my bedroom door; “ENTER THIS ROOM AND I BEAT YOU WITH A STICK?”
or “NO. DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT KNOCKING OR OPENING THIS DOOR!” better yet, “GO ASK ONE OF THE OTHER 2 PARENTS THAT LIVE IN THIS HOUSE THAT IS NOT IN THIS ROOM”

The phone needs to stop ringing. The bill collectors that keep knocking on the door need to just stop, because I am drained of all cash. ALL CASH IS GONE, quit calling. I don’t want to tell a stranger WHY I couldn’t pay the garbage bill this month.
Car people, I know you have given up on me calling you back…sorry. Please don’t come take my rockin’ hot mini van.
DMV…enough with the registration notices. I get it. You want me to register the car!
Internet providers; Please..really…just 2 more days. I beg of you.
Pacific Gas and Electric; I JUST PAID YOU! You must understand that I can only pay you ever OTHER month. Stop shutting off my damn power. I need it to blog and wash the mountain of clothes.
Cingular; F-OFF. Really…can you stop with the raping of me? It hurts. Family plan my ass. It should be the ‘bend over and get screwed without lube plan’.

Mortgage Company…You are the ringleader of all this madness!! YOU ARE CAUSING PANIC ATTACKS IN MY SLEEP!

Gas prices, go down. *puppy dog eyes* pwease go down.

The boobs are so stressed out they have decided to crawl into my armpits and just hide from the world. I can’t blame them.

So, back to this pill. Can it taste like watermelon and make children find other houses to play at for the day?

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19
Jun
glad i wasn’t drinking anything…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
you have to read this…KRANKI…like she doesn’t have ENOUGH going on!

I laughed though. I laughed hard.

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19
Jun
Big OOOHHHH changes
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: journey, Random
Ever heard the term of ‘wild hair up your ass’?
Well, I got one.

For Father’s Day, Shaun decided he wanted Swedish meatballs from IKEA. So we packed up his brats and headed out to The Place Kristine Gets Lost In And Must Be Called Or Paged To Be Located.

It might have been the pretty sauce they put next to the meatballs that caused me to decide to change my life.

I picked out a duvet and curtains. Harmless right?

On the way home my mind started turning and spinning. I looked at Shaun and said all in one breath, “I have an idea. I want to take my bed, dresser, hope chest and give them to Kara. The queen size mattress in Tyler’s room can go with the bed frame so she has a full bed. We can take the frame out of the garage, put our bed on it. I mean, Kara would love it and if she wants to stay over there more often, she has a comfy bed. Tyler has his futon that in his room and wants the queen size bed out of there anyway. This could work.”

He looked at me like I had done lost my marbles.

“Think that is a good idea? Huh? I mean, it will make more space. I don’t know what we are going to put the t.v. on, but who cares, we’ll find something. Why are you looking at me like that? What are you thinking? Bad idea? Good Idea?”

He finally opens his mouth, “Uh. What? I mean…the bed goes where?”

“It’s going to go to Dan’s house.”

“Kara’s moving in with her dad?”

“No. Just my bed is.”

“And we will sleep on what again?”

“THE FRAME. The one from Dan’s old house. You can make a head board!”

After some back and forth and four hundred more questions from He Who Doesn’t ALWAYS Understand My Logic, he asked me, “When…when do you want this to be done?”

I didn’t say anything.

“Today? Father’s Day?” The dramatic sigh. “Well, call Dan and see if he even wants all the stuff.”

“Screw that, he’ll come get it.”

This is where Shaun ALWAYS has Dan’s back. “CALL HIM FIRST AND ASK HIM.”

I called Dan and told him, “Come get my bed, dresser and the hope chest you made me.” After 1 question, like a giddy little school girl said he would be right over to pick up his hope chest…and that other stuff.

We pulled everything out the bedroom. EVERYTHING. Tabitha, the trooper that she is, got all my books off the top shelf and asked me with all sincerity, “Is it really possible for this much dust to layer itself?” HAND FULLS of dust came of each book.

Now my bed sits on a small bed frame. It is covered with a raspberry colored duvet with ORANGE AND GREEN swirlies all over it. I have green curtains and an orange throw rug. This, for some people, sounds totally normal. For me, to veer away from all things brown, IS HUGE. To give up my bed that I fought for tooth and nail and cried tears, big fatty tears to get, My, as Tabitha calls it, ‘princess and the pea’ bed. My HUGE, high up bed…to get rid of it was like the scene in ’40 Year Old Virgin’ when he was getting his back waxed. It was painful, but I had to do it.

And now you’re asking yourself, ‘why no picture’? Um. I’m sorta in denial and having ‘giver-away-remorse’. Yes, the room is officially 4 times bigger than it was…and I have COLOR in my room. It’s just not even close to being in the same realm as ‘done’. When it’s done, I’ll let you see it.

I ran out of gas today. Not figuratively, but actually RAN OUT OF GAS. Yes, I have a fuel injected car and YES, I know how bad that is. It was an eye opening experience of what our society has come to. I am BLOCKING traffic in this ‘semi’ ritzy town where every car is a mini van, Hummer or SUV worth more than my house…and out of the 50 people I had to wave around me, only 2 old ladies asked me if I needed anything. MEN, grown ass men walking PAST my car into the supermarket, not even giving me a second glance. A TOW TRUCK DRIVER didn’t even stop because he didn’t take AAA. TWO GALLONS OF GAS, he wouldn’t even stop as Tabitha and I are trying to figure out how to get our half a gallon in the tank. ASSHOLES.
My friend pointed out to me, “Well, they probably figured since you had a phone, you had taken care of it.”

I DON’T CARE, STOP AND ASK! It’s called being a nice person! I’m not a shady character in a bad part of town. I’m driving a mini-van that is hazard light blinking in front of the supermarket BLOCKING TRAFFIC.

It might have been my red Pinto t-shirt that said, “I like my Ponies Fast” that scared them off.

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14
Jun
SPF: Back!! I’m Back…well, almost.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: stuff portrait friday


Okay, I am FINALLY feeling a bit better. I took a shower and decided I was going to bite the bullet and take a picture of my back.
I put on my low on the hips sweats, cutsie little tank top, turned around and pulled my tank top just a bit…and then guess what?

Yeah, I realized my racing stripes (also known as stretch marks) have ruined what I had believed might be a good shot.

So you got the web-cam pictures taken from bed. It’s a defeated woman in front of you…Root-havin’-Side-pony-wearin’-long-lifeless hair defeated woman. No making fun of my damn shirt either. Yes it has more holes than it should, but I love it.

Oh, did you catch the ‘dorky picture’ of me? Yeah, the dork is back…or it could just be the medication.

DID YOU PLAY?

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12
Jun
Baby Got Broken Back…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: stuff portrait friday
Wouldn’t that have been a kick ass song?

SPF: This week, since the world for me has consisted of

1. Asking children, “ARE YOU SERIOUS?” –translation– are you seriously THAT stupid?
2. Rotating Ice packs and heating packs.
3. Catching up on monstrous amounts of sleep.
4. Hobbling down the hall looking like I am about to do a handstand.
5. Making sure the internet knows the boobs are OK.

I’m thinking that this week we can focus on YOUR BACK. You can take this anyway you want. For those of you that have one of those sexy backs and want to show it off, have at it. From behind I look like a the Michelin man with blond, shaggy hair.
Sing, “Baby got back” and post it on your blog (I recommend this for people who want the truly random and odd readers to visit) Maybe you ‘have someone’s back’. You guys figure it out.

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12
Jun
Let the beatings commence!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: My Brats, Random
Summer has begun and I am starting it out with a lame back. Not good for keeping on top of things around the house. I hobble to the kitchen to see if somehow the fridge has magically filled itself up with food that requires no preparation.

I check on the kids to make sure they haven’t created pipe bombs in their rooms. So far, only some C4 was found, but they said it was zit remover. You gotta take their word on facial care, right?

I have the 9 and 10 year old working on the Mount Rainer size of laundry in the hall way. All is good.

Then I check MySpace.

I would double dog dare you to even THINK about saying, writing or mumbling the word ‘fuck’ ‘shit’ ‘whore’ or any other word if you knew your parents were going to find it.
Yes, my mother was queen of finding my excuse notes and plans for getting in trouble, but I tell you this; If I had used a cuss word in there, my ass would have been beat raw.

One of nineteen million children is grounded from the computer. FOREVER. If I have any say in it.

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11
Jun
the chitchren are home fer summer.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: photography, Shaun
Ah-Gezzus.

I’m even getting bored of my Blog. How come you all come over here?? *waving a walking stick*

I swear I feel like I am 80 years old right now. Actually, I wouldn’t know what it feels like to be 80, but Dear UPPERCASE GOD, please let it not feel like this.

So we have this wedding to shoot on Saturday and I am groaning and moaning as I try to hobble around the house to get ready. I’m going to go, because that is why people like us; we are a husband / wife team.
You shoulda seen it, I was using the monopod as a walking stick!!

At one point during the wedding I was giving the stink eye to a woman in a wheel chair because I could only image how much more comfortable my ass and hips would be if I could have that pleathery goodness with wheels.

Between the wedding and the reception, Shaun took me home and demanded I go lay down. Well, I figured in order to get some sleep I should take a vicoden and xanax. Guess what happened? I had the urge to smoke a pack a ciggarettes and find the meaning of life.
My crazy night of dancing monkeys on the wall and a strange case of munchies (who in the world craves cottage cheese and pineapple at 3 in the morning?) It finally ended and I am now more sore.

My boobs though…they’re still okay, just in case you were all worried.

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08
Jun
SPF: this is how we ‘bounce’
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: kara, Shaun, stuff portrait friday


Kara and Marina graduated from 8th grade today and now are officially ‘High School Students’.

I had taken out a picture of Kara when she graduated from Pre-school and I was going to post them side by side so you could see how much she has grown and tell you the whole story of a weepy-eyed mom as she watched her daughter graduate today.

TEN MINUTES before I have to leave to go watch her graduate, I am brushing my hair and my damn back went out! It was like the Kellogg boys entered my bathroom. Snap, Crackle, Pop.
Since I have back problems since I got pregnant with Kara, I have learned a vital live saver to having your back go out for no reason what-so-ever at any given moment. Just let yourself fall to the floor because if you try to grab on to something you’re going to just make it worse.

“You can’t go.” Shaun tells me as I am in tears trying to crawl to the living room.
“I can’t NOT go!”

By the grace of God and Jeremiah’s walker, I made it to the graduation. I sat my ass on the floor and took pictures while trying to hold back tears of pain.

They announced all the honor roll students first and then they handed out ‘wacky awards’. Some were for ‘most stealth text messenger’, ‘secret gum chewer’, ‘most detention time logged’ and ‘most informative shirts worn’ (Kyle won that one) and then they had the very last of many of the wacky awards and it was, “Most Likely To Win An Oscar” — They then announced Kara’s name. I don’t know if she was more excited over that award or the graduation diploma they gave her!!

After we got home, me in full hobble mode, Shaun and I got the babies and took them to our room where we got our snuggle on. He had Jeremiah and I had Ariana. I didn’t think I would actually fall asleep, but there is something about a baby that little sleeping on your chest that just sucks the energy right out of you.
So withe back out, snide comments made about my daughter (which I will go into later where I lay into some teenage boys) and the longest day in the world…this is how I ‘bounce’. I climb into bed with my husband, Jeremiah and Ariana and remember that no matter how bad it get…it’s the small things like this moment captured by Marina…that mean more than anything.

MY DAUGHTER IS IN HIGH SCHOOL! HOLY CRAP!!

Did you play??

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05
Jun
Alyx calls him Dr. Lousy.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Anxiety
A part of my treatment plan is not only taking the classes to learn how to beat anxiety, it involves talking to the therapist. (Thank you SNL for making it nearly impossible to say, read or write that word without thinking — The Rapist)
The rapist I am seeing is also the guy that teaches the classes. You remember the classes? the classes where if I just breath everything will be honkey dory? Yeah, same teacher.

After I sat down he just looks at me. I hate that. Why in God’s name do therapists do that?
“Sooooo, how’s it going?”

I proceed to tell him about the rainfall of disaster that was my life last week. I’m trying to fight off the cold sweat I am breaking into just sitting in that room with a half of a window and one door.

“Ya know. You can’t focus on the bad.” No, duh? I had just finished telling him that I was effected more than I had thought It would, but I am doing better now. I also mentioned that I haven’t had a panic attack in nearly 5 whole days.
“You have them that often?”
“Yeah. I have them daily. Mostly anxiety, but not the full blown panic attack.” I remind him.
“Ya know…there isn’t a difference between the two.”

*blink*

I inform him, that in my world THERE IS A DIFFERENCE. He tells me that I need to not focus on the anxiety attacks and just experience them. He tells me that I need to breath through them, I need to tell myself that I’m going to be OK and to relax with breathing.

Uh. OK. … No.

Now here is the example I gave to him to describe the difference between my anxiety attacks and my panic attacks:

My ‘anxiety’ attacks are sporadic moments of ‘scared shitless’. (You know that feeling you get when you think you lost your ATM card? You’re going to rear end someone? You child just fell down the stairs?)
I get those all the time. They come quickly and within a minute they subside.
My panic attacks are like all those moments rolled into one big one and it hits me like a roller coaster out of control.

He insisted that I can talk myself through either brand of anxiety, be it the 1 minute version or the 7 hour version.

I realize he’s not getting it. I try to tell him THIS way;

Sometimes you get a stomach ache. You’re in a social situation…a store, a meeting, the bank…it doesn’t matter. I can get through those, they are just small spurts.
Now, in comparison to the ‘stomach’ ache which is anxiety…you have full blown diarrhea which is the panic attack. If i’m in a social situation where I have stomach ache, I can cope. If I know I’m going to shit my pants, there is no talking me out of it. I got to get the hell out of there.

He asks me, “Have you been tested for irritable bowel syndrome?”

*sigh*

No, I don’t REALLY have a stomach ache or diarrhea …it was an analogy of the difference.

Whatever. I swear, I might have to start digging another hole in the backyard for this one.

I know, just fucking breath.

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04
Jun
SPF ASSIGNMENT: Bounce
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: stuff portrait friday


See, I bounce. I’m smiling again. I’m making jokes again.

I cracked up at THIS CLIP of Sarah Silverman owning Paris Hilton at the MTV movie awards (or something) I don’t know what is more funny, the way Paris Hilton gets ALL pissed or how Jack Nicholson thinks it’s the funniest thing he has ever heard. You gotta give Sarah credit, she knew Paris was there.

and speaking of balls:
SPF: Show me your bounce. (this could get interesting!)

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04
Jun
I’m doing better
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Anxiety

Mike Bibby, Alyx and Shea

I’m doing better. Thank you for the cyber hugs, strong words and inspiration.

My ex-boyfriend, a wonderful human being, went to the funeral and emailed me all about it. When I found out he went it lifted a huge weight off of me and I knew that he went, representing not only himself, but a part of me.

And now…I keep walking on. I keep telling my stories. I pull my damn head out my ass and entertain you all with my witty stories, anxiety attacks, and beautiful breasts.

Give me some time to get back there. The panic has actually come to a grinding halt for 5 solid days. This defies logic because after I found out about my friend dieing, my mother called to inform me that a family friend got into a motorcycle accident and SEVERED his spine. Yeah. He’s wheelchair bound for the rest of his life. He’s 38. Oh and to add to the topping on the cake: my uncle was in the hospital. Lastly…we call this the cherry on top; Ariana tested positive in one of her tests they take when the baby is a new born. I don’t have details, just holding on to hope that the tests come back and she’s going to be fine.

I swear, I am going to beat this. I just need a bra to push these girls up a little bit more and some lip stick and I am going to be OK.

P.S. Dan took the girls to meet Alyx’s hero, Mike Bibby at Best Buy last weekend. You can’t see it, but Alyx is about to explode.

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31
May
My Brush With A Great Human Being…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: friends


I’ve seen fire and I’ve seen rain. I’ve seen sunny days that I thought would never end.
I’ve seen lonely times when I could not find a friend, but I always thought that I’d see you again.
-James Taylor
SPF had to be twisted for me this Friday.

I talked to my mother tonight and she told me that my friend, Bob Thomas had died. I know there won’t be a time when I pull into the Albertson’s parking lot and remember the shock of those words flooding through me.

Bob and I worked together at the radio station in Redding for a couple of years. During that time we created a friendship that I valued.
I would call him on Saturday morning at 6:15am to remind him he was sposta be on the air at 6:00 am. He would mutter some profanities and promise me he would be in as soon as his car could get him there. I never minded, because Bob was just one of those people that would waddle into a room and make you laugh no matter what the circumstances were.
The funny part about doing his morning shift while he drove madly into the station was having to read the news. If I could screw up the word Kawasaki by saying Sourcocky, there was no way I could pronounce the names of foreign leaders in countries I had never even heard of. He would always come in cracking up and repeating the news as if it was being read by a 5th grader.
I would throw a cart (looked like a 8 track) at him and say, “Then get here before I have to read the news!!”

Through the years he watched me finish my radio stint and move to Sacramento. He always found a way to get in touch with me.
During my divorce with Dan he would offer to come up and keep me company while I cried about all the whoas in my life. He listened. He offered to marry me and take me away from all the madness. I know he was kidding with me to get me to laugh, but he would always end the conversation with, “Alright…how about this…” and would come up with some wild scheme to make us forget our problems.

One day he decided that he was going to ride his motorcycle all the way to Sacramento, a 3 hour drive, to take me to a Brooks and Dunn concert. I surprisingly took him up on the offer. We had a blast. He had a way with joking with people who were hurting that made them temporarily make them forget their problems. That whole day, I wanted to capture all the fun we were having and I took a bunch of pictures. I have one of him standing in front of a Limo parked out front like he was ushering me in, another with his burnt forehead and my dorky smile.

Bob got sick many years ago with a failing kidney and many other problems. There was a time when I would talk to him and I didn’t think he was going to make it another day. He needed so much help. I offered up my kidney, a bladder and a slice of my heart if it would make him better. He probably made a joke about just needing a breast or two.

I went to Redding where my family lives and just like every single trip to Redding I called him on my way and left him a message telling him to meet me for coffee. We talked on the phone and he sounded like his old self again. “Did you hear I had a heart attack?” I was floored. “It’s cool though, I feel SO much better!”
Finally the Bob I had grown to love with all my heart was back.

The last time I was up there he left me a message on my machine. It was some dorky message that made me laugh so I held on to it in my archives.
Just yesterday I was clearing out my messages and I stumbled on his message, I listened to only half of it, cracked a smile and hit delete.

Today I found out he died.

My heart is broken into a million pieces and I can’t stop myself from sobbing. I know, he’s in a better place. I just want to talk to him one more time.
The only thing I cling to is, that at the end of every single conversation with this wonderful man, awesome mentor and all around good human being is…I told him I loved him.
“I’ll talk to you later okay? I love you, Bob!”
and he would, from his heart say, “I love you too.”

Rest in Piece my friend.

I hope you played, but not like this.

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31
May
Congrats Anthony!! SPF INSPIRED
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Dashababy, Random


Anthony won on Shear Genius (Bravo) tonight.

Kathy, Mom and I met him about 7 or 8 years ago in Reno at a hair show. He was a ‘Platform’ artist that was put on by Nova haircare.

We sat in the front row and we were drawn to him. After the show Kathy and I went and talked to him and he was theeeeeeee nicest guy you would ever know. We had so much in that time talking to him that we told Mom to take a picture with him. I think he tried to get us all to go out and party, but we didn’t. Kathy was wuss. ;)

It’s weird when you see someone you know on a reality show.
AND THEY WIN!

SPF: SHOW ME YOUR BRUSH!!!

No cheating by cleaning it out and making it pretty!

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30
May
So sorry…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Anxiety, ex
I could go back to my last post and fix about 35 of my spelling errors and sentence fragments, but you know what? Screw it. I wrote that from the heart.
With my head phones on listening to music.
With all the realness I had in me.
The real me, sucks at spelling: sentence structure: coloring OUTSIDE of the lines : picking the right color: and a million other things.

I’m angry today. I’m also really sad. I need to learn how to step back from some things and figure out how to go about them before I allow myself to be consumed by something that it takes over ME.

So, what and I angry and sad about? Dan’s girlfriend broke up with him today.
I am so pissed at her.
We allowed her into our world with open arms, we let her meet our children, we taught her the secret handshake and what does she do? She allows us to believe that she is in it to win it. She is lovin’ up on him. She is treating my kids like what a mother would hope her ex-husband would date.
She rolled into our lives and made plans and talked about the future…and then after a wonderful weekend that I allowed my children to be a part of, she dumps him?
She didn’t just break up with my ex-husband…she broke up with my kids.

I am so pissed at her. How could someone pretend up until the very last day that she is into you and your family and then ‘oh, sorry.’

See, this is the part where I have to learn to not be consumed by it. It just sucks, he was so happy. I was happy he was happy. Now my heart is just broken for him.

Charlotte, it looks like you’re going to have to marry him after all. That whole lesbian thing is going to have to be put on the back burner for a wee-bit alright?
I swear, what is happening around us?

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29
May
really?
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: My Favorite Posts, Random
I was interviewed last night about this blog.

It was the standard question of what blogging means to me, how I come up with topics…your general, not very probing questions.

After I sent off the answers I began to think again about this ‘blog’ I have. What it really means.

This isn’t the root of my writing, it’s an offspring of something I started many, many years before the word ‘blog’, before templates and free hosting. It started in my bedroom when I was in 5th grade with a pen and a Anne Frank knockoff diary.

In a diary covered with a teddy bear and pink hearts I began to pour my heart out to no-one and the whole world at the time. I wrote down the fears of the upcoming year, my bmx race I had won 3rd place in, my growing crush on all things that even looked like a boy and the angst over my 8th grade graduation dance where Bryce Mahon broke my heart, but not dancing with me even once. My broken heart could be felt with every single word you read.

My diaries were filled with the pain and happiness of my life. In every book marked a new milestone in my life. My first diary of meeting the man I would marry was a paisley brown. The birth of my first child is a book with a beautiful woman on the front wearing a pink gown staring in a mirror. The life I lived in this home as a married woman was a cloth covered book with a red high heal shoe. When I ended my marriage the cork cover held all my deepest, darkest secrets. The hurricane of the rebuilding of my life is between two leather covers.

This here, this should reflect the place I am in my life. I am still trying to capture that woman. The template I had before was what I want. I want a clean me. I want a flower filled world. I want everything to look neat.

My life is not neat. It’s much like this template. I am in the sand trying to capture the exact thing I have eluded for so long. ME.

I know I have said it many times before, but the reality is I want to write and write and write about what the hell is swirling in my head. I have lost my footing on how to figure out where I am and how I have progressed these last few years.

I want to look back a year from now and twirl around and sing, “Ta-Da! Look at how far I have come!!”

The next phase of Random and Odd is going back to raw. I don’t want to piss anyone off. I don’t want to hurt any feelings, I don’t want to scare anyone. I am a strong, beautiful woman who will be more than OK. If the words you read are too much, please come back another day and read. You might catch me on a whirlwind of happiness. The truth right now needs to be told and some days it might just get too much ‘real’.

I said something years ago that got my ass in trouble. “Follow my bliss”. There is a new me, a new bliss that is going to be fought for and for now on, Random and Odd will reflect that battle. I need to heal. It’s time.

And on that note to quote one hell a band;

Why in the world
Would anybody put chains on me?
I’ve paid my dues to make it
Everybody wants me to be
What they want me to be
I’m not happy when I try to fake it!

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28
May
Guess who came to visit?
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Anxiety, Random


Hope everyone had a long, restful weekend.

We did.

Well. Sort of.

I haven’t quite figured out how come you can clean your closet to OCD perfection and then a week later you find yourself in the closet wondering how it looks like a bomb went off in there.
The 16 year old rack in my closet finally gave out and all the clothes slid to the floor. From that point, it was a hopeless mess. Shaun rushed out to Home Depot and got the stuff to fix it and within ten minutes of putting it down in our house, it was lost in the clutter. Three weeks later it pops up in the garage. If it’s not nailed down, it somehow ends up in the garage.
He fixed it and I went about the task of reorganizing the closet. After I finished getting everything in there, it looked like another bomb went off. It’s hopeless.

Shaun did taxes. ’nuff said. His eyebrows were either burrowed together or hidden in his hairline. We tried to tiptoe around him most of the day. Well, except for Jeremiah who would grab his baseball and scream down the hallway, “BUH-DEE! BUUUUHHH-DEE!”

It’s funny how the relationship in the house has developed. He has his days were only ‘My Mommy’ will do and others were he spends endless amounts of time trying to get Tyler to notice him. At certain times only “buddy” will do. He only comes to me at that certain time of the night when he’s ready to sit down on the bed and find his ‘motes’ (Remotes) and watch his ‘gains’ (Backyardigans)
Mornings belong to Nay-Nay (Rina) and when he gets home and spends time with his mom, he wants I-I-aya (Alyx) or Aya (Shea) to play with him.
Our world is his world and he is our boss. He yells for whomever he wants. If you don’t answer him he will clap at you to pay attention, while yelling your name. Jeremiah has become, ‘he who will not be ignored’.

We had the grandbaby here this weekend for several, precious hours. We fought over who got to hold her. I couldn’t look away from her sweet, round face. I’m waiting for the day where they make a spoon that allows you actually eat up the goodness. I’ve cried tears bigger than her little fingernails.

It was a good weekend. How was yours?

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24
May
SPF: “LITTLE AND PINK”
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: kara, stuff portrait friday


This picture was taken 2 years ago. Look at how little she is! Her face has totally changed in the last two years. Her face is longer and not as round.

You all thought I was going to post another baby picture huh? Well, I did…sort of. My baby.

DID YOU PLAY?

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23
May
Ariana
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: My Brats, Random
Grandpa Shaun here(why do I feel the need to hike my pants up to my chest now?). Well, baby Ariana IS a day old now….at least deserves a video!! I did this for the family, who are geographically all over the place. Figured the Random and Odd family had better see it too. You know, when I was a kid, there were no bloggers. You’d have to walk the video from door to door(yes, in the snow….and uphill) to share it. Thanks for all the kind words, everyone!!!

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22
May
I am a step-step Grandma!!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: My Brats, My Favorite Posts


Tabitha and Shaun headed to the hospital at 2am.
I grabbed Marina out of school at 11:00 am.
We got to the hospital (downtown, if I might add…you know the place with all the streets with numbers and letter and ONE WAY signs!!??) Around noon and at 12:35pm Ariana Faith Griffin was born. 7lbs 9oz and 18 inches long. 10 fingers, 10 toes and looking all kinds of adorable.

Shaun is going to be adding the pictures tomorrow of all the shots he took all morning and all night. Right now he’s brain dead.

The picture above was taken by Tabitha. I’ve bought a lot of things in my life that I regret; a Kirby, a Volvo, and one of those mechanisms that hold the soda in the fridge and roll down a new one. In December I bought Tabitha a digital camera. It has turned out to be on the better gifts I have ever given anyone. She uses it daily and is always grateful for it. Today she not only captured some very awesome pictures, but precious videos.

Tabitha has the footprint from Ariana on her arm from when she got her foot printed. At random moments she would throw up her forearm and say proudly, “I’m a grandma!”
Seeing her walk out of the delivery room fighting back tears made me have to fight back tears for her. She kept saying, “I am so proud of her.” She truly is a fantastic mother…and now a grandma.

This makes Shaun a step-grandpa. We decided that we are going to make Ariana call him “Pappy”, just to make him feel very old.
I am a step-step grandma. I opted for the cooler name of “G-ma” Somehow, I know Tabitha will switch it up and make Ariana call me G-ma Koo-Koo. She’s mean like that ;)

Jennifer did fantastic. In every picture, her wonderful husband, Greg looks so madly in love with his wife and her strength. He nearly made me cry with the attention he was pouring over both of them.

He leaves back to Korea in a week or so. Please pray for his strength and safety as he battles in this war.

Thank you all ahead of time for the congrats…and thank you SO much for all my mixed CDs. They made driving in downtown hell so much easier. I will post more about that later though.

SPF: Something “Pink and Little”. (minds out of the gutter)

P.S. I am a G-ma!! HOLY CRAP!

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21
May
How To:
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random, shea


How to get me to stop yard work in a super second: Add one VERY large black widow under the dog bowl.

“Why did you take pictures of it instead of killing it?” he asks.
“Oh, I did…well, your dad did…I just took pictures of it first.” I answer.

Did you know that a puddle of bleach will not kill a black widow? I size 9 shoe will.

** Update **

Shea came into my room and said she was fweaking out about spidows. She saw me uploading the picture earlier and now all she can think about is spiders. She even informed me that one crawled on her in the bathroom.
Motherly instinct (aka: the ability to lie on the spot) kicked in and I told her to follow me to the bathroom. I looked on my shelf and I grabbed a bottle of Bath and Body Works-White Cotton Glimmer Lotion and managed to convince her that there was something in the ‘glimmer and glittery’ part of the lotion repels spiders and flying bugs.

“Why do spiders not like glitter?”
“I don’t know, Honey.”
“How do you know?”
“I looked it up on the internet.”

That seemed to be the confirmation that she needed. Why can’t everyone just take that type of reasoning for everything I say?
“Go clean your room.”
“Why?”
“Because I looked it up on the internet and that is what it said.”
“Alrighty then, if the internet said so…”

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20
May
WHY, OH WHY, OH WHY????
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Anxiety, Random
Why?
Can you tell me?

How do people manage to radar in on the day you are the most exhausted to ANNOY you the most? Why?

Because now…I’m exhausted and annoyed. I can’t rest when I’m annoyed. Which ANNOYS ME MORE.

Happy Friggin Sunday!

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17
May
SPF: Framed!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: photography, stuff portrait friday


It took me awhile to figure out how I wanted to do this one. I just got 2 frames from a friend’s husband who makes the most outstanding framework I have ever seen. I don’t have any 8 X 10 pictures to put in them, because yes…I am that lame. I was going to put nice pictures of our family in them and display them for SPF. Well, the stupid anxiety crap kicked in and I went to bed at 5:30 this morning after taking enough medication to calm the hormones of a pre-period teenage girl.

So, I realized a.) I shouldn’t start a sentence with the word SO, because it makes me sound stupid. And b.) Only Cormac McCarthy can pull off the horrible punctuation and starting a sentence with the word AND. Lastly, c.) I don’t usually share what I do for a living with many people.

Today, I decided to show you what I do, and the reward of this one shot and how a picture could change someone’s outlook on life.

A few months ago we shot a wedding. After the reception was over the maid of honor and a friend were hit in a car accident that they were both lucky to survive from. The maid of honor had to have heart surgery and nearly broke every bone.
We didn’t hear about this until the mother of the bride had called us to ask if we had any pictures that she could bring to the hospital to show them, as a reminder of what the day was about.
Shaun kicked butt and sent her the pictures which they printed out and brought to the hospital. The pictures of the wedding were an inspiration for the maid of honor and according to the mother helped in her recovery of the shock.

A week later, after keeping in contact daily with the bride’s mother, we met up and I gave her the discs from the wedding.
We had packaged them nicely and as a bonus we printed out some 5 x 7 pictures and framed them for her. After we drove off down the freeway my phone rang. It was the mother of the bride SOBBING.

She told me at the wedding that her husband freaked out and decided he didn’t want to be in the spotlight for the father daughter dance. It was too much pressure. As the bride and her father snuck in a dance, I managed to get a shot of them. This is the picture I had framed for the father. I also framed the picture above. He is a pastor in a church in PA. and out of all the pictures, this one grabbed my heart. It grabbed the mother’s heart too.

The bride’s mother was crying as she told me how much our photography, our personality, the people that we are has made an impact on her life.
The picture of her daughter and her husband on her wedding day is one that she will cherish forever.

We do up to 4 weddings a month in the busy season and we get all kinds of people. This woman, with her words changed the way I do my job.
Going above what we sign a contract to do, printing out some pictures and putting them in a frame for someone…that’s all.
I’m proud of what I do. I am blessed to be invited to be a part of the ‘most important day of their lives’. The people I meet, really bring out a beautiful side of myself that I love.

I am willing to share that part now.

DID YOU PLAY???

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16
May
Let it beeeee, let it be. Let it beeee, let it be.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Anxiety
I’m a cuticle biter. I’ve revealed this in a former post that I am too lazy to go and link for you. Trust me, I’m a cuticle biter and sometimes my mind tells me that I need to just tear my fingers up and gnaw my fingers to the bone.
On my last visit to Redding, my mother looked at my fingers and said, “You get that from your grandma Conner, she was a biter too.” Great. Is there a family member that has a good trait I can pick up on? Perhaps an great-great grandmother that knew how to figure out the winning lottery numbers?

Yesterday was my first ‘Managing Anxiety and Panic Disorder’ class. I had avoided the last two sessions because honestly the teacher’s voice drove me nuts and I didn’t think I could spend 6 weeks listening to him mumble his way to a cure.
This first meeting was a joke. No, okay…I’m not being fair. Perhaps for people who just started dealing with anxiety, this class might be very helpful. For someone who has been coping with panic for years, it wasn’t helpful at all.

He went over some of the things that you feel when you’re in the middle of a panic attack. Then he went over what our mind is telling us.
Me being the outspoken one said, “What my mind is telling me right now is that I am sitting in a room with one door, no windows and at any point someone can come into this room with a gun and kill us all.”
To say the room fell silent is an understatement. His squeaky magic eraser pen came to a halt and he looked at me. “Do you really want me to write that on the board?” He was seriously scolding me for saying it out loud. Like I was trying to scare people!
I then said, “I’m sorry, but that is what my mind tells me in every room, every store, every restaurant that I go into. What happened at Virginia Tech is my panic ‘disorder’ realized.”
He wrote on the board, “no way to escape.”

My worst fear that causes so much anxiety in my daily life was summarized to ‘no way to escape’.
I’m sorry, but I will escape. The fun part of having what I have is the strength to know that in any situation I will live through it. If someone comes into the restaurant that I am in and decides to pull out a gun. My ass knows what to do, where the other doors are. Before I am seated, I have already lived what could happen.
Yes, it sucks to always be living for the worst possible scenario everywhere I go.

In the middle of the first class he informed us that he would be ‘triggering’ an anxiety attack so he could teach us how to ‘breath’ through them.
Yes, I opened my mouth again. “You’re going to trigger an anxiety attack in class? In front of other people? Do you realize how many years we have been in social situations and had to hide them?”
I’m sorry.
Yes, I share my stories with you all, but really you only get to see the after-the-fact written word of what I went through. You don’t see the fear, you don’t feel the fear, you don’t feel how much pain my body is in the next day after an panic attack.
This man wants me to have an anxiety attack in front of strangers? OH HELL NO. It wasn’t until last year that I allowed Shaun to finally see how bad they are. I let him hold me as I cried in PAIN and listened to his words that everything was going to be OK. I let all the fear inside of me out and cried harder than I had cried in a million years. I told him everything I was feeling and it scared him. He took the next day off work and stayed with me so I could rest. Every muscle in my body hurt and my chest and throat were raw.
They aren’t always that bad. I have managed to find a way to get through them without them getting to that point, but sometimes, my mind won’t allow me to and I have to just freak the fuck out.

I came home after the appointment extremely pissed off. I don’t know why. I think it might be the sunshine he was trying to blow up our asses about how we were all going to be cured by learning how to breath.
His cure to the whole thing was learning how to breath. GOT IT. I know how to breath. DEEP BREATHING. Got that too, had 3 kids, I know all kinds of breathing. IN WITH THE GOOD, OUT WITH THE BAD.
Maybe it was being in a room with only one door and a doctor who though I was crazy that someone might come in and kill us. Trust me, when it happens, I’m using his body as a human shield and I will whispering in his ear, “Breath through this asshole!”

Yes, as you can see, I’m dealing with anger issues as well as anxiety issues. I went in believing that there was hope for me and walked out realizing this man has NEVER in his life dealt with anxiety or panic attacks and all the stuff that he is saying is all just text book.

I had to put on fake nails the other day because my thumbs are raw from gnawing on them at night. It makes it hard to peel the skin from my fingers with fake nails on. It also makes it very hard to type, that’s why you have been getting the lame posts. Sorry.

SPF this week will be “FRAMED” Show me your favorite frame, framed picture, a frame you have been coveting in a store or online, or get creative and show us your version of ‘framed’.

Send vibes. Send good vibes. Send cookies.

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14
May
9 years marks 8 years of change.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: ex, shea


Tomorrow my youngest, my baby, my wee-widdle one will turn 9 years old.

I was laying here reading my children’s emails and figuring out which porn sites they had tried to visit without me knowing about it when the day hit me.

“Shaun. Tomorrow is Shea’s birthday.”
“Yeah. Anything planned?”
“Nope.”

Yes, we are the worst parents ever.

Shea’s birthday is in the month personally known as ‘the month that kristine lost her damn mind’. It’s been 8 years that my world turned upside down and everything I know about myself was put to the test and I failed miserably.
May is always a hard month for me since. I battle with the person I was, the person I became and the person I am now.
She is three very different people and I am finally happy with the person I am after all the years of beating myself up for the mistakes I have made.

This is the first May since ‘kristine offically lost her damn mind’ that Dan has someone in his life that he is serious about and that seems to be making him happy.
I met her a few weekends ago and I like her. I hope..HOPE..and hope some more that she truly is sweet and kind as she portrayed herself to be. AND…she’s pretty. Actually, dare I say she is beautiful? Yeah, she is.
The best part is she loves the relationship that Dan and I have and isn’t threatened by our friendship.
Dan is in a house, he has someone who thinks he’s ‘all that’ and he’s happy.

I guess this should be the May that I let go of the guilt and let myself really, truly enjoy being as happy as I am.

Happy Birthday, Shea. I have feeling this year is going to be a big year for you. :)

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14
May
Roll Back to the Good Ol’ Days
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
I periodically come to the shocking conclusion that I am a music idiot.

Remember when you liked someone and you made them a mixed tape?

I know you like me.  Want to make me a mixed-cd?  Make me a copy of your favorite CD you have in your car.  Make me a CD of songs that you love…stupid, funny, RANDOM, oldies, goodies, songs I’ve never heard in my life. You singing in the shower. It doesn’t matter.

email me at randomandodd at gmail dot com and i’ll send you my address.

Now I’m serious, the last time I requested this I got ONE person saying they would make me a kick butt CD and I got a mailbox of nothing.

I’m serious. Enlighten me with your music!

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13
May
Happy Mother’s Day!!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: The Fonz


Top 10 reasons my mom is The Fonz.

10. She makes me jewelery.

9. She doesn’t judge the people in my life, she loves them and wishes them well.

8. She’s ALWAYS right about a person. ALWAYS.

7. She’s funnier than any comedian.

6. All my friends love her and wish she was their mom.

5. She has super powers.

4. If I say I like something, she will give it to me. If she really likes something of hers, she will give it to me so I can like it too.

3. She has been saying she is going to die since she was in her 40′s. She is a whiner, but we love her.

2. She apologizes for giving me her anxiety/panic gene. She understands it too.

1. She buys me bras. Expensive bras.

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY TO ALL OF YOU, YOUR MOTHERS, and you SINGLE DADS!!!

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12
May
A million pardons…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
Oh geez,

I can’t believe I posted while totally drunk.  I can’t believe I used ‘getting my freak on’ in a sentence.

I just logged on for the first time today and I was like, “WHAT THE HELL?”  I’m still trying to figure out the last line where I say I needed to tell you all about the phone. What the hell was that?
I don’t even remember writing that.
In the hotel room I came home and proceeded to get sick, and then went to bed when the room started spinning and I had to convince myself that my body needed to throw up ONE more time and then everything would be OK. I sat with my head in the toilet making fake throw up sounds trying to throw up.  It didn’t work so my logical mind decided that if I went through the reasons of WHY I was throwing up, such as; my liver was not processing the booze I had taken in and I am going to die of poisoning if I don’t purge my body. That worked, and I got sick again.

Looks like the last post was after that.   Shaun said, “You don’t remember writing that?”

NOPE.
Thanks for not judging to harshly.

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11
May
drunk dialing
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
my cell phone doesn’t work from where I am. so I am going to have drunk dial from the hotel room.

Damn that took like ten minutes to write.

um, shaun is out of town on business and I wrote that without a single mess up. and I decided it was time to come visit him and get  my freak on. we found a could black perosn bar and they werrrrrees oooooo nice ot us. I had a coupel caple captain and cokes and theywere sooooooooooooooooo strong. the black epopel taught me how to dance and I was so happy. I cam back to the hotel and threw up two of them.  Now I decided that I needed to tell you all about the phone.

My spell checkc is gong nuts. i better go.

Wish me luck.

Kristine` seeiorusly intoceixaatecid.

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10
May
SPF: Handful of Something
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: stuff portrait friday


A handful of something. I chose sanity.
DID YOU PLAY?

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09
May
(life sidenote)
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Anxiety
I’m not doing so well right now.

Things are a bit shaky in my life. I asked Shaun if I should go off my medication and he looked at me like I was a complete idiot. “Uh…No.”

See, I don’t really feel like it’s working. I’m still dealing with all the symptoms I had before and it feels like a waste.

“Give it time to work” “Try something else” “Up the dosage.” I know, I know.

Bear with me as I try to battle through this wave.

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08
May
Sha-I’m Cute.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Jeremiah


My Beautiful Friend, Lisa who watches Jeremiah called me today to ask me a question. “Hey, have you heard Jeremiah saying ‘yeah, yeah, yeah’?”

Jeremiah has a lots of words, a few sentences and one rap song he sings.
His words consist of, “Upp-ahh.” Which is UP, but with dramatic flare. “Nay-Nay” -Marina, “Anntee” -me, “Bubba” -brother, “Buuh-DEE” -Shaun, “MO!” -more, Deesa-Lisa…and other names. What pisses of Alyx to no end is that he says ‘ah-ya’ for Shea, but won’t call her Ally and she does the majority of playing with him.

His first string of words, “I GET IT.” it’s the cutest thing in the world. It sounds more like, “I gegit.”

His rap song is this little tune called, “My Momma.” he says those two words in a sing song voice and you are expected to dance when he sings it.

He has a few CD’s made just for him. His latest favorite is the 40′s music Shaun made for him. He also likes three songs on a CD I made.
Starfish and Coffee and Baby, I’m a Star by Prince. He actually does the Saturday Night Fever finger while the songs are on.
The other song is, “Redneck Woman”. In the song she says, “Hell yeah.” and he repeats the ‘Yeah’ part really loud.
“YEAH!” and then giggles that he said it.

She was afraid he had picked up on her daughter saying “Yeah, Yeah, Yeah.” when Lisa asked her to do something. “Oh, no, he says it all the time.”

Tonight I had to take the girls to Ross and he instantly leeched onto me when he saw me grab my purse, “BYE BYE!”
He giggled and sang his ‘Yeah’ song on the way there.
I held up a shirt when we got to Ross and I said, “Look Buddy…you think this would look good on Nay-Nay?”

Plain as day, “Yeah.Yeah.Yeah.”

Sorry Lisa, I now see what you were asking. Nope, he got that from your daughter. At least he used it in the right context.

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07
May
What if…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: friends, Random


What if I had a bunch of money and could go anywhere I wanted?

Convince me to come see you.
Not that I have a bunch of money, but it will make for an interesting Tuesday to read about where you live and what we would do and who we would hang out with.

I know a bunch of you guys live in Texas..and I have a few people that promised me a couch and a trip around NY…what else we got?

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07
May
all better now…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: ex, Random


The trip to Vegas, contrary to popular belief, was VERY FUN. The show was amazing and well worth the 90 minutes we had to sit through at the time-share place to get them.
I might need to make a living out of visiting those timeshare places to get free stuff.

The show was fantastic and it made me look at my own body in shame. These women were flying around the room holding on to sheets and I was thinking that even if my life depended on it, there is no way my upper body strength would even consider holding me up. Nope. My arms would give out after about 30 seconds of holding on. My legs probably wouldn’t do any good either. My hip would pop out as I swung wildly around.

It is strange to think that my body COULD do that. If I trained it, I too could contort my body like they do. Buuuuut, what is my modivation? I mean, isn’t it enough that I can tuck my boobs into my armpits? I would like those people look as graceful as I do while I climb into my minivan and drive to pick up my kids. Do they have the stamina to keep up with 5 kids? I THINK NOT.

I have good news!! While driving my niece to school last week, I saw a “FOR RENT” sign outside a house. I called the owner and chatted with him. He seemed like a super sweet guy and was willing to work with the rent and deposit.
Soooooooooooo, Dan rented it!
Yeah, I know you were thinking that Tabitha was going to get the house huh?
You see, for the longest time the only thing I have really wanted was for Dan to be living in a house again. He’s been in an apartment for years and the girls are just TOO big to try to shoehorn into that tiny apartment. For the last 2 years I would call houses for rent to see how much they wanted and if they were willing to make payment arrangements on the deposit. The houses for rent were always around 2 grand a month and that is far out of the price range he can afford.

So last weekend we moved him out of his apartment and into his new 3 bedroom, 2 bath home. WITH A GARAGE!! I’m not sure who is more excited about the move…me, the kids or Dan.

Next up is finding a place for Tabitha. A nice, safe place that is right near us so I don’t go through Jeremiah withdrawals!!

I’m feeling better and it will be right in time for Shea’s 9th birthday. :)

SPF: Friday, May 11th — Put something you own in your hand and take a picture of it. A handful of something.

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06
May
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


Hi Internet!

Guess what?  I feel like getting in trouble. Not the chocolate dipped apple, rolled in butterfinger candy variety of trouble either.

Ever feel like that?

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04
May
Another Random and Odd conversation;
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: The Fonz
“Mom, you would have been so proud of me. I walked the strip 14 million times without complaining too much AND when Shaun was sick the day we left, I was a big girl and carried the heavy bag. I didn’t complain at all. I took care of shit.”

“Good girl.”

“But then after the plane ride home and sitting for an hour in half behind a woman who thinks it’s OK to flop her seat in the reclining position on SOUTHWEST AIRLINES…Mom, seriously…it’s not OK to put your chair back on SWA because there is NO ROOM for the person behind you to move and I swear her head was in my lap! I’m 5’9. My knees dug into the back of the seat. She got the hint when I kneed her in the back. Anyway…I was talking about not complaining right?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, about 3 steps from the bench to wait for our shuttle to the car, my hip gave out. Blammo. I was DONE. I couldn’t walk.”

“Oh god, Kris…it was your Sacareallyack.”

“Saca-really-ack? What is that?”

“You know that nerve in your back? Your Sacareallyack nerve.”

“You mean sciatic nerve?”

“Yeah. That’s it.”

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03
May
What happens in Vegas
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: friends, Random, Shaun, stuff portrait friday
Stays in Vegas? Yeah, right…who ever came up with that cute, little diddy, was NOT a blogger.

I guess if that statement was true I wouldn’t tell you that the day we left…my drunken auntie Flo came to visit, Shaun barfed on the plane on the way there (sidenote: Shaun can joke about anything, but bodily fluids. He’s weird like that) The bed at Circus Circus was about a half a step up from sleeping on milk crates. Don’t get me started on the pillows. I have fluffier sweaters than those things. Am I complaining about 2 days away from my crazy house?

OH. OH. OH MY GOD…the part of the trip that changed my life as I know it; The cab ride.
In my little world, with my small circle of friends we have our little ‘flaws’. I have a knack for getting blamed for everything and I can confuse a rocket scientist with my description of logic. ‘Cita stresses out for everyone she knows. My beautiful friend, Lisa…well, lets just say her driving is like a warm shot of Drano to your stomach.

On our way to the show we had to catch a cab ride to get from one end of the strip to the other. We climbed in and told the driver where we wanted to go and of course, he took the longest route possible. On the longest route possible I finally found someone who has the same driving disorder that My Beautiful Friend, Lisa has. Maybe you know someone that shares this disorder. They put their foot on the gas, take it off, put it back on, take it back off, put it back on…and this goes on for miles. It seriously feels like the transmission is going to hurl itself out onto the freeway or all the gas was siphoned from the tank before we left. It’s not enough to give you whiplash, but just enough to cause a full blown anxiety attack.
When we got out of the car in front of New York, New York I told Shaun to remind me to call My Beautiful Friend, Lisa and tell her how sorry I was for ever picking on the way she drives. The cab driver was the worst ‘surging’ driver ON.THE.PLANET. He made MBF Lisa feel like a Limo driver.

See, I’m making the trip sound like a trip into hell. It wasn’t. It was a blast. We found ways to keep ourselves laughing. Our favorite one was walking down the strip taking the cards from the guys handing out ‘sex cards’. They all have pictures of beautiful women, half naked with stars where the nipples are sposta be. Each cards boasts the cool ‘porn’ name the women have and how much they charge for late night hotel room fun.
When we got back to the hotel we would pull the 50 or more so cards from our pockets and pretend we had trading cards. I won. I got the Barbie Twins and a hot, sexy babe named ‘Hope’. Shaun said it looks like her rookie card and will be worth a lot later if I hold on to it. I put them under my pillow for safe keeping.

We got home fairly early, but we were both so tired we just crashed out.

I’ll upload some lame pictures tomorrow and tell you all about the wonderful show we got to see.

############### SPF UPDATE######################

Shit, forgot about FRIDAY!!

TODAY..find a picture of something from your HOME.

This is a freebe week…play if you want. I have two weeks of catching up.

##################################

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02
May
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Shaun


Shaun here….we’re surviving Vegas so far, We’re going to Cirque de Soleil’s Zumanity….the adult show. Bow chicka-bow bow. Updates tomorrow, probably.

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01
May
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


Random and Odd hits the road for a mini-tour in Sin City this week. Tickets are already sold out. The cameras will be joining us, so we’ll do our best to bring you along. But ssshhhhhh, what happens in Vegas…..

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29
Apr
My boobs…gracing the internet.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random, The Fonz, Wedding


Look at that! My rack on the internet for all the world to see!

I spent the weekend with my mom and shot a wedding tonight. I swear, I have thee best job, EVER. I get to eat wedding cake twice or more a month. Heaven. I’m in HEAVEN.

Tuesday morning I leave for LAS VEGAS! I’m finally excited. It might be because I have a rockin new hairdo! My sister rocks the house with color a pair of scissors. Be jealous. Be VERY jealous.

I’m repeating myself huh? Huh?

Also, if this weekend wasn’t fantabulous, I got the icing on the cake…On the way home from the wedding shoot tonight, Shaun said to me; “Out all the weddings we have shot, you are still the most beautiful bride. I haven’t seen a more beautiful bride yet.”

Awwwwwwwwwww.

Dear Lord, please let this “up” feeling last for a little longer before the panic and anxiety take over.

*happy dance*

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26
Apr
HAPPY 2nd BIRTHDAY SPF!!!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: stuff portrait friday

As you can see, I failed as a parent host of SPF.
I pretty sure if I would have drug the tripod, flash and Randy the camera out there to get the picture, Tabitha would have gotten off the air mattress in the living room, ripped off my arm and beat me with the bloody stump. Then shove the tripod up my ass.

But, did you play??

I’m leaving to go to Redding today, so I can’t visit too many sites, but I am saving the emails from this week and last so I can catch up.

:)

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25
Apr
*evil laughter*
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: friends
My friend Kristie married into baseball, much like I did. She married the Red Sox and I married The Yankees. We both own pink hats supporting our team and we stand behind our husbands when their team is playing.

Despite the fact that our two teams are rivals, we managed to over look that and be friends.

I like Kristie because where I live it’s super easy for the women to be snobby. The million dollar homes on the golf course only a half mile down he road from both us have one unique quality…they have snobby ass wives that live there. You are judged by your job, income, hair, clothes, car…Yes, much like high school. Kristie IS NOT a snob at all.

What she is though…if friggin’ EVIL.

Because she loves me, she bought me a bottle of Aveeno Johnson’s Night Time Stress relieving lotion. It is sposta “MELT AWAY” the stress and help me sleep. When she gave me the present you could see the excitement in her eyes because she KNEW she had found me the fix all to my problems.
So far, the lotion isn’t working…but oddly enough, by doing the nightly ritual of putting the lotion on the skin, it made me start washing my face every day. I had forgotten how wonderful my face feels after a good cleaning.
I have hope that the lotion will work. If it doesn’t, at least my legs and arms are supple soft.

The other thing in the bag was a candle. The candle is a Banana Nut bread candle. I LOVES ME SOME REAL, HOMEMADE BANANA NUT BREAD! (blatant hint for someone to make me banana nut bread and send it to me)
I lit the candle that night and normally I am SUPER DUPER PARANOID about letting a candle burn when I am sleepy. God forbid I leave the candle burning and the house catches on fire. This one isn’t one of those high burning, loud, sparky ones.

After I lit the candle, I could already start smelling it. Oh yeah. Thissss issss niiiiccceeeeeeee.

Now when I call Kristie evil, this is what I’m talking about: The whole house smells like Banana Nut Bread. The poor kids think I have baked something.

Kara keeps walking around the house saying, “The house smells like graham crackers. Why does it smell like that?” and I just sit back and giggle.

The other evil part of the candles that I hadn’t thought about though…by putting it my room at night, I got the munchies something fierce around midnight last night.

Munchies went out of style mid 1990, yet there I was sneaking down the hallway like a stoned teenager looking for the box of Captain Crunch.

She’s evil…and I love that about her.

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24
Apr
Happy 2nd Birthday Stuff Portrait Friday!!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: stuff portrait friday


Another email I forgot to add. I get this often:

What’s our SPF assignment? You haven’t updated the SPF page yet.

Yeah, Yeah…I know. My mom said I’ll be late for my own funeral. God, I hope she’s wrong, cause that would be so gross.

I thought everyone knew how to play Stuff Portrait Friday until the other day when my in-real-life (shut up, I have a few!) Kristie said, “Where do you go to see all the pictures from SPF?” I wasn’t sure what she meant. “Huh?” (that’s what I sound like when I’m confused)
“Where do you see all the pictures? People leave comments that say, I PLAYED, but I don’t know where to go to see the pictures…”

WELL DUH! *smacking her in the forehead* You click on their names in the comment section and it will take you to their blog where they posted their pictures.

I figured since we’ve been playing this every Friday for the last TWO YEARS that everyone knew how to play. See what I get for thinking?

The history of SPF.

(i’m going on memory here because it would be totally hard for me to find all the posts and how it started…and blogger ate a bunch of my posts when I moved out. It’s cool though, I got the Nirvana and Dr. Hook CDs.)

Someone said, “Show me what’s in your fridge”
I thought, ‘hey that sounds fun. everyone take a picture of what’s in your fridge and post it this Friday. After you post your picture let me know so I can check it out.’

I picked Friday because Mihow.com ran “Self Portrait Thursdays” and I was really excited when she started the page. *rubbing fingernails on my non-existent collar* Yeahhhhh, I was profiled the in the FIRST official batch of pictures back in 2005. *cough* not that I’m braggin’ or anythang. Hmmmm? oh yeah, I didn’t want to take away from the Thursday thing..so the most logical day was FRIDAY.
Anyway, after the first ‘hey post a picture of your fridge’, Shaun said, “That was cool, you should do it every Friday and call it STUFF Portrait Friday.” He made a banner and VIOLA! SPF was born.

This month SPF turned two years old. We didn’t celebrate last year because spf was teething and it just didn’t seem to be the time to pull out cake and presents. (Yeah, I forgot it was SPF’s birthday last year — DON’T YOU JUDGE ME!)

This year, SPF…lets go back to our roots and remember where we came from: Go open your fridge, stand in front of it and flash me a two finger salute.

If you are one of the cool, mysterious people that goes by cool nick names that I can’t remember and never post pictures of yourself because you’re in the blogger witness protection plan…take a picture of your fridge with SOMETHING that shows us TWO.

Got it? FRIDGE, SELF, TWO. All in one picture. It’s easy, even the dog could do it. Of course, I don’t know how he would set the timer on the camera without thumbs.

Yes, I’m medicated.

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24
Apr
Easier Said Than Done
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: My Brats, Random


I’m watching the Today show and they are talking about ‘how moms can do it all’ and ‘how to stay balanced’.

This woman, who CLEARLY isn’t a parent, is talking about how to incorporate your children into the things that make you relax.

Do you see the oxymoron in that sentence?

She’s spewing this hateful drivel at me and I am about to throw my remote at the television.

:::INCORPORATE MY CHILDREN INTO THE THINGS THAT MAKE ME RELAX:::

There is NO way I am going to drive my kids to the casino so they can watch me pop a Xanax, swear and spend money, all the while smoking like a house on fire.

Oh hell no. I am a better parent than that! Shesh.

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23
Apr
The Concert, revisited.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: My Brats, Random


I mentioned that I has taken the girls to a Jonas Brother concert and implied that it was HELL.

I would like to retract that statement. The concert was actually VERY good, awesome in fact. Better than some concerts I have paid a lot of money to see. They are clearly very talented kids that without any instruments except the acoustic guitar managed to awe me. Of course, I liked NKOTB, so don’t listen to me.

The part of the concert that was hell was everything NOT pertaining to the music. We got to the fairgrounds and made sure the kids had good position near the stage so the two little ones could see. Shaun and I then walked around, surveying which BBQ stand and Strawberry Desert we would sample. It was the “Strawberry Festival” and of course we would walk in and be surrounded by people handing out all kinds of Strawberry goodness. Yeah, right. It was a glorified county fair with a big strawberry title that would appeal to the hearts of people like me, who would whore themselves on the street for a fresh strawberry funnel cake.

After realizing that the only really good part of this ‘strawberry festival’ was the wiener dog races, we made our way back to the stage to check on the girls. They have been shoved back and the two little ones can’t see. Shaun now has to spend the next 45 minutes taking turns on holding the girls up so they can watch the concert.

Feeling bad for Alyx who liked the Jonas Brothers long before they hit it big (yeah, my kid knew them when they were underground) so I bought her a poster to get signed.
What I had not realized was the chaos that would ensue after the concert was over and how GROWN ADULTS would act like friggin’ idiots and stampede other children so their children could get a autograph.

We were at the front of the line. I had Alyx holding one hand, Shea holding the other, and my camera around my neck. I had battled the war to get them to this point in the line and now it was time for the girl to get to see their hero.
That was when the security guy said, “Who has the merchandise to be signed?”
I tell him my daughter did. She held up her poster proudly to show him.
“Okay, she can go in. You can’t bring that camera in here.”
I am stunned.
“Fine, I will hand it to the other security guard and come back for it.” I didn’t care, I wasn’t going to let Alyx go back behind the stage without me.
“Ma’am” he sounds pissed. “That girl can’t come in either because she doesn’t have merchandise to be signed.”

So now I’m standing there with Alyx waiting to go in and meet her idols and another daughter holding my hand, looking at me for answers.
There is NO way my daughter is going in there without her sister and CERTAINLY not without me to supervise her. I’m caught in hell.
“Sir, you don’t understand…these are my daughters and I am NOT going to leave one out here ALONE. I am also not letting the other one go in ALONE.”
I’m starting to get freaked out because this guy is being an ass and won’t let me come in. Then he puts his hand on Alyx’s shoulder and sort of leads her into the back. Now Alyx is heading back behind the stage into the parental unknown thinking i’m right behind her.
I thought he had realized where I was coming from and was going to allow us in so I move forward. He then tells me, “You need to go around to the exit to retrieve your daughter after she gets her poster signed.
“OH MY GOD!” I am fuh-reaking out. “My TEN YEAR OLD DAUGHTER IS IN THERE AND I AM NOT ALLOWED TO GO IN? HELL NO!”
I am all fired up.
The asshole security guard is serious about not letting me and Shea in. “Ma’am you’re not listening to me, You need to go around to get her.” He then shows me the most direct route to go.
It was at that point that my legs went to rubber and I stopped breathing.
I decided that there was NO way I was going to make it through that crush of people and would do something totally out of my nature.
We were going to find another way in. If I had to throw Shea over the fence to get her sister out safely, that was what I would do.

It was about then that a pimply faced security guard saw me stomping off to the back of the fenced off area. “Ma’am!!”

Then I snapped. “I. AM. GOING. TO. GET. MY. DAUGHTER!” He stopped mid-stride. I found Shaun near the back and handed him my camera, I might have actually shoved it in his chest while yelling “THIS IS SO FUCKED UP!”

Poor Shea. She was just holding on for dear life as I drug her along the fence to find an opening. Finally we get to the exit part and I start going off on the security guard that is blocking the other side, “THEY WON’T LET ME GO IN! MY DAUGHTER IS IN THERE! SHE IS ONLY TEN YEARS OLD! SHE IS ALONE BACK THERE!!!”
This security guard could care less either. It seems that it’s alright for children of any age to be sent in an unknown area and deny the parent to come in.
“LET ME IN! MY DAUGHTER IS BACK THERE AND I DON’T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK IN GOING ON!”
They ask me what she is wearing and that they will go and find her.

You could have asked me what my name was at that level of freaking out and I wouldn’t be able to tell you. “I DON’T KNOW!”

Then they ask me what she looks like and Shea seeing my distress says with tears streaming down her face, “She wooks just wike me.”

Right about now, Alyx comes walking out and I want to pick her up and swing her around and tell her to NEVER to leave my site until she’s 33.

And now that I know she’s safe…I am fixin’ to go the hell off on the first person that has the nerve to get into my face. It happens to be an older guy with a ‘backstage pass’. He’s walking towards me with a purpose and I don’t even let him start talking before I go off. “I’m sorry, but that was SO FUCKED UP!” He is doing the nice, patting of the arm, let’s all just take a moment and calm down. He’s going to kick us out of the fair because I snuck around the back of the stage and was making a rukus. I just know it.

Just a note; When I freak out…and I mean REALLY freak out…I look like Mister Furley from Three’s Company right before he hyperventilates.

Instead of throwing us out, he informs me that he saw everything that happened and he’s REALLY sorry.
I’m not ready for sorry yet, I’m ready to get my two cents in there, LOUDLY.

“The boys are my sons.” he tells me, “I understand. I want your daughter to come in and meet him.”
“You’re the Jonas Brother’s dad?” I’m shocked. “Dad?” I hugged him. HE UNDERSTOOD. HE WAS A PARENT!
“Yes, now will you and your daughter come back stage so she can meet them?”

Shea and I are led backstage where he tells everyone backstage that she’s with him and she’s a very special guest. The woman tells the Jonas Brothers, “This is the little girl your dad wanted you to meet.” She gets to take a picture with them and they are SUPER nice to her.

All in all, it was a good show. The security people at the Placer County Strawberry Festival SUCKED and can kiss my ass (I hope someone googles ‘security for placer county strawberry festival and reads this!) Yes, the security SUCKED ASS, but the concert was awesome.

After the concert we all got our overpriced strawberry goodies and Shaun and I had to listen to 5 giggly girls in the backseat talk about which brother was cuter and every single detail of every single minute before, during and after the concert.

Oh the joys of being the parents of girls.

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22
Apr
Emails from the Inbox…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Anxiety, Jeremiah, My Brats, photography, Random, Shaun
Not that I get stacks of emails, but I realize I haven’t updated in awhile and figured I would answer a few emails through a post. Because yes, I am THAT lazy.

How you doing?

I’m doing pretty good. I’m weening off the Xanax and trying to figure out how to get through the anxiety without the ‘instant’ fix. I might take up smoking pot soon though.

How is Tabitha and the baby?

They are doing good, as well. They are still here living with us.

Are you F**ing kidding me? Your husband’s ex-wife and baby are there? How have you not killed each other yet? (I get this email about every 2 days)

Okay, let me start with the first question – Nope, I’m not kidding you.
Yes, the husband’s ex-wife and baby are living with us.
We haven’t killed each other because have bonded in a way only really good mothers can…we are finding new ways to make the lives of our growing children hell.

She has taken over beating the children on Sunday and I have implemented mid-week flicking. It’s a random day that I pick out of the air and go around and flick the children on the ankle bone, the elbow or the back of the head. The part of the body that would most annoy the children is the part I start with. Tyler hates his ears being flicked. I get great pleasure out of sneaking up behind him and getting a really good one in while he’s on the computer. I don’t know what hurts worse; the actual flick or the evil laughter that follows it.

I realize I have picked up on some of her mannerisms. She eats her food with her fingers. I think it has been all the years of feeding children that got her in the habit of eating like that. I finally realized the joy of putting down my fork and reaching down and eating with my fingers. The food tastes better! I am one with my food.

She has picked up on some of my mannerisms too. Okay, actually she hasn’t. But she does yell at the dog when I have grown tired of yelling at it. She has also done her share of picking up, dropping off and buying stuff for the brats.

She’s just as dorky and weird as the rest of us. She fits in fine.

Jeremiah is being raised by a village of Random and Odd idiots. That’s going to be the title of my first book.

How goes the Photography stuff?

It’s doing GREAT. I love the people that I am working with. We are doing on an average of 2 weddings a month. I love doing engagement pictures the most though. I love the personalized time with the bride and groom to get to know them.

How are you and Shaun doing?

I haven’t killed him yet, so I would say; SPLENDID.
Actually he has decided to go behind my back and do something sneaky. For the first time, he’s not getting in trouble for it.
He decided that we needed to actually GO somewhere together. We go lots of places, but there is always a gaggle of children in tow. (I just used the word ‘gaggle’ in a sentence)
On Friday he told me that we needed to work on a schedule for the kids because he booked a flight and room in Vegas for us.

OH.MY.GOD.

You don’t just pop shit like that out to someone who has anxiety! I started yelling, “NO! Oh God, no!! Shaun, NO!” it wasn’t that I didn’t want to go…it just seems like a hell of a lot of money that could have gone to…uh…I don’t know, maybe the HOUSE PAYMENT THAT HAS GONE UP BY TWO THOUSAND DOLLARS A MONTH!

It’s okay though, it was only 300 dollars for 2 airfares and 2 nights. He assured me that we won’t be sitting in the casino the whole time. OK, OK, OK, he told me I’m not ALLOWED to sit in the
casino the whole time.
He wants to get out and take pictures of the city. That actually sounded like fun. I’m going to be alright. I’m going to be alright. I’m going to be alright. Breeeeeathhhheeee.

5. Did you say your ovary exploded in a past post?

Yes. It didn’t explode. It just felt like it. I’m ok now.

And that is your Random and Odd Update!


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21
Apr
Concert from HELL…but I won’t go into it.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: My Brats, Random


The kids went to The Jonas Brothers concert. If you know who the Jonas Brothers are, you are as pathetic as I am.

They actually were VERY good. I was impressed.

And THANK YOU ALL for helping donate for the MS walk on AnnegeLynnAsIs page. She not only reached her donation, she exceeded it!

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19
Apr
SPF: Knobbin’ It
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: friends, stuff portrait friday


These are the knobs off a file cabinet that my grandma kept all her crocheting patterns and magazines in. When I was a kid I loved to open the right side. It took me years to figure out how to open the other door. There is a latch on the top of the left hand side that you have to hold down to release it.
Since I have gotten it and put my stuff in there, my kids like to peek inside. They are much smarter than I am because they figured out how to open it within minutes.

Also…on a side note: A fellow blogger AngieLynnAsIs is participating in the walk for MS. ANY donation, large or small (either your Friday latte of $5.00 or your new purse of $20.00) will help her reach her goal. She’s very close but needs just a boost up. If you can help, please donate by clicking here. I did.
I will also buy cookies from your Girl Scout kids. Please, send those Girl Scouts my way!

Thanks everyone that can help out.

You’re waiting for it…DID YOU PLAY?

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19
Apr
The guilt from the dream is killing me!!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Shaun


Hi Honey,

I love you!! *tackle hug* I love you, love you, LOVE YOU!!

You are the most amazing and wonderful man ever. *kissing your eyebrows* You are sweet, kind, funny and humble! I promise to love you for the rest of my life *nuzzling your neck* I promise to never, ever, go to the movies, Boston Market or drive a clown car with ANYONE but you!

I love you so very much. Even when you are all fru-free and grumpy. I love you even when your eyebrows climb into your hairline and your eyes bug out of your head when I say something that annoys you.

I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! and only you.
Your highly medicated and guilt-ridden Wife,

Kristine

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19
Apr
this post sucks, don’t read it.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Anxiety, Dashababy, ex, Random


Remember the Newlywed game? I always use to dream about being on that show. No really, it wasn’t that I WANTED to go on the show, I just would DREAM about being ON the show. Got it? Okay, good because this is going to be the choppiest segue in Random and Odd history.

When Dan and I were married I would wake up in the morning and say the EXACT SAME phrase. It got to the point to where it was even annoying hearing myself say it. I would think after all those years he had to wake up to me repeating the same thing I said the morning before, he probably tuned me out after the first year. In a special place in my heart, I would like to think that he actually remembered all of what I said and put it in a special file cabinet in his stupid, little brain and later I can ask him to download all the things I told him the morning so I can write a book.

So what did I say over and over, every. single. morning?

Is the suspense killing you? It is…I’ll just tell you without all the dramatic build up. Here ya go. Ready for it?

I would say, EVERY morning;

“Whoa. I just had theeeeee weirdest dream.”

Every morning that poor man would have to sit through me rambling on and on about strange animals, houses with rooms with nothing but showers and detachable penises.

Since Shaun has decided to spend the rest of his life with me, the baton has been passed to him and he has to hear me ramble on and on about the strangest dreams.

Last night I was up late with an exploding ovary and I had to take pain killers. My anti-anxiety pills, Xanax and pain killers makes for a wonderful cocktail of psychedelic dreams.
When I woke up this morning I couldn’t call anyone and tell them about the newest dream I had. I’ve been trying to process it for the last few hours and the first hour without coffee. Scary

The dream gave me such horrible guilt. I had a dream that I was cheating on Shaun. When he called me on it, I was so cold about it. Like, ‘whatever’. I had no feeling what-so-ever. This dream also involved watching a car accident, being bitten by a rat, driving a clown car as a ‘get away car’.

My sister just called to tell me about HER weird dream. Her dream involved a family friend having man on man with Will Farrell. Her dream is WAY weirder than mine.
Somehow this post just lost all the gust I had intended it to have. *sigh*

I don’t know how to end this post.

*squeaking clown nose*

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17
Apr
SPF: Knobs
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: friends, stuff portrait friday
This suggestion was brought to us by Football Widow.

I got another half-drunken phone call from Kami and her cohorts. After convincing me that I REALLY need to photograph her rack and giving me a blow by blow detail of the fun they were all having, she asked what the SPF assignment was.

“I dunno. You pick.”

Three guesses what HER idea was, the first two don’t count.

Football Widow in all her glory said, “How about knobs?”

Knobs it is. Show me your knobs. (it still sounds nasty huh?)

I’ve got a great set of knobs I can’t wait to show off!!

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17
Apr
I am without words. Yeah, right.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: friends, kara
During the day I have CNN or Headline news on at all times.
The past 24 hours have been horrible and I can’t even begin to wrap my mind around it.
This community we have through blogging allows us to reach into each others worlds and get to know people we wouldn’t have the opportunity to otherwise.
I don’t know personally anyone that was effected, but it doesn’t mean that thousands are in pain because of what happened. As more information pour in and I am flooded with images of the gathering students looking around, lost, in disbelief and broken hearted; I’m without words.

My first thought goes to the parents of the children that died. How do you go on after this? You have spent so many years keeping your child safe. You watched as your child struggled through the years of elementary school, middle school and you encouraged them to stick it through high school so they can get into a good college. You think they are safe now, that you had protected them well enough to be able to send them off into the world. How many times have those parents cried, “WHY?!” over and over and over again?

Next I think of the victims. The students had finally began to form their own lives. They had made friends that would have been a part of their future. They had blogs, MySpace pages, email, and cell phones. Now all silenced.

What about the friends of the victims? They are left with this void. They have their phone numbers of the dead programed in their phones. They had plans for the weekend. I can’t even imagine losing a friend like this!

I can’t wrap my mind around it. I can’t even express my sadness for EVERYONE that has been hurt by this.

As they talk about the mindset of the killer, I’m thinking about a serious incident that my daughter, Kara, has been dealing with at the middle school she is attending.
There is a boy that goes to school with her and is in a majority of her classes. I have talked to so many kids from the school he attends and they all have been verbally abused by this kid. My daughter wasn’t his only target.
I went in and talked to the vice principal about the issues she was having with him. This kid had actually SLAPPED her and called her a bitch.
From all the things I have heard about this kid; he is teased because he thinks he’s a girl. He calls girls c**ts. He told one of my daughter’s friends, “I’m going to come to your house and murder you!”, he threatens people on a daily basis and is very ‘emo’.
One of the boys that knows him said to me, “I’m just nice to him so when he comes to school with a gun someday, he might remember I was nice to him and won’t kill me.”

I told the vice principal all of this and what the boy said and he said, “Now don’t get ahead of yourself.” When Kara told him she was afraid of this kid growing up to be a kid that brings a gun to school and killing people, he told her to not be so dramatic.

Even through the threats and the physical abuse he got a ‘behavior slip’. Now, just to put into perspective what a ‘behavior slip’ is…my daughter got one for chewing gum.

It’s strange to be in a situation that I am in with this kid. I’ve talked to the vice principal, the principal, the teachers and other parents…and nothing has been resolved. He continues to tease and taunt my daughter.

I told the vice principal in a conversation, “I would hope that if my daughter and step daughter were overheard saying, “i know where you live and I am going to murder you!” to each other by another student and came to you with that information, that you would investigate it. You would realize that the kid that said it was teasing and talking to her step-sister, but out of ZERO TOLERANCE you would suspend the kid that said it, even knowing it was ONLY a joke…TO SET AN EXAMPLE!”

Nothing. I just now hope that they make it through the rest of the year and pray he doesn’t go to high school with her next year. That sucks. This kid…will be a kid that does something like what happened yesterday.
He’s not being held accountable for his actions by the school, his parents or anyone.

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16
Apr
It’s a Love / Hate relationship…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: ex, Random


I love Ikea.
The Swedish Meatballs and Mac and Cheese isn’t the only reason.

So much stuff. So much cheapness. So much high quality cheapness. My head spins with the glory of it.

I love that there is lots of stuff. I love that the lots of stuff comes in nice little boxes. I friggin’ hate putting that stuff together.

I cleared out the messy side of Shaun’s bed to put the new 29.00 desk in and as a “I am Woman…hear me Roar” moments I decided to take apart the old computer desk and install the new one.
I got the nicely packaged stuff out of the box and that is where it ended.

The sweat started to pour down my face when the phone rang. It was Dan.

“You called because you know that I’m attempting to put together something and you’re calling to get me off the ledge right? I HATE IKEA! Are you on your way over here? WELL?”
He said, “No.” and then he forgot why he called because the frenzied, rapid fire question threw him off.

I made him come over and put it together. YAY. I love Ikea again!!

Guess who got the crappy old desk? Yep…me!
Normally I laptop from my bed-wearing pjs-pony tail-looking like I was beat up by the sandman.
Today. I look exactly the same, but I’m doing it from a desk less than 4 inches from my bed.

Moooovin’ on up.

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15
Apr
I think I have two men…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
That read my blog.

I’m not counting my husband though, because he no longer reads my blog.  My spelling, punctuation, sentence form and all around bad run-on sentences has finally taken its toll on him.   His perfect sentence structure can no longer co-mingle with my heinous slaughtering of the written word.

Mens no likey my bloggie.

It’s okay. The lesbians love me.  *waving to the carpet munchers*

*put down the eyebrows, you know I’m not picking on you*

I think I have completely ruined any chance of now getting any votes for the Blogger’s Choice Awards.

Yes, I’m medicated.

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14
Apr
My boobs.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Anxiety, Random


It’s Saturday afternoon and I’m still in bed.

If you were to look to my left you would see a completely destroyed closet. (Cause: part anxiety attack, part anxiety attack)
You would also see my bedside table that is covered with just crap on crap on crap.

Directly in front of me is a pile of laundry that needs to be washed, dried, folded and put away.

To my left is my wonderful husband who had a tooth pulled yesterday.

If you look directly down, MY BOOBS!

There they are! Just hanging around waiting for some action.

Oh and my bangs are long enough to put in my mouth. It’s so totally sexy. You would be so turned on if you could see me right now. I have make up streaking down my face in an Alice Cooper kind of way, my stretched out pajama top is falling off my shoulder and my Peg Bundy hair is falling in my face. My breath…smells like I just (damn, I hate that kids read my blog) Anyway it involves the ball sack of Juan Valdez’s coffee-packing mule. Use your imagination.

Me and the boobs love days like this. Just hanging around…and sliding into my arm pit.

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13
Apr
MY Boys are back in town….Attn: Texas Hookers!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: friends, Random


THE RUSE SPRING TOUR 007 rolls on…

4/13/07 :: Momo’s in Austin, TX
4/14/07 :: Liquid Lounge in Dallas, TX
4/17/07 :: O’Malley’s Tavern in Jasper, AL
4/18/07 :: The End in Nashville, TN
4/19/07 :: Little Kings Shuffle Club in Athens, GA
4/20/07 :: Masquerade in Atlanta, GA
4/21/07 :: The Loft in Columbus, GA
4/24/07 :: Cumberland’s in Charleston, SC
4/25/07 :: The Loft in Fredericksburg, VA
4/27/07 :: Mercury Lounge in New York, NY
4/28/07 :: Iota in Arlington, VA
4/30/07 :: Great Scott in Allston, MA
5/02/07 :: Slim & Chubby’s Tavern in Brook Park, OH
5/03/07 :: The Mad Hatter in Covington, KY
5/04/07 :: Elbo Room in Chicago, IL
5/05/07 :: Sidebar in Saint Louis, MO

If you get a chance to check out MY Boys (and Jean’s too) you better post a comment and tell me how wonderful they were and them that ‘Mom in California’ sent you!

more info at www.rusemusic.com/shows

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12
Apr
STUFF portrait Friday: STUFF!! so easy, even a blogger could do it. oh that came out wrong.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: stuff portrait friday


CLICK HERE to get the notes that tell you what everything is (stuff is hidden)

Oh, and while pulling out the ‘stuff’ for this, I realized I am a cable keeper. I have more cables than any woman should ever own. I will someday be able to shit a USB cord right out of my ass. You will all be amazed.
“I need a Kodak cable for a…”
“Hold on, let me go to the bathroom. I have a gift.”

DID YOU PLAY?

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11
Apr
Your SPF assignment
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random, stuff portrait friday


This one is SUPER easy.

Throw a bunch of your STUFF together and show us “YOU”.

I’m pretty sure in my picture that will be taken on my bed (because it’s my favorite place) and there will probably be the Tivo remote, my favorite books, my favorite snack….

Yours might be chillin’ in your backyard by the pool with a glass of vino and girly magazine.

There is a certain someone that likes to take a picture of her bathtub because she knows it makes me growl with envy.

As long as it has something that if your friend/husband/child could look at say, “Oh that is SO [insert your name here]”
Example: If you’re Kami — You’ll probably find her ta-ta’s somewhere in there.
“Ah yes, that is SO Kami.”

Your Stuff Portrait Friday assignment is “STUFF”.

and just so you know where I came with a genius idea like the one above. I am going through all my stuff. I’m throwing away a good majority of my stuff. I am realizing…shoeaholics, avert your eyes…that there really isn’t a need for THAT MANY SHOES. (I got rid of TWENTY FIVE pairs today!)
I am finally realizing I am PROBABLY not going to read Iliad, all the works of Steinbeck and the kinky Anne Rice books that were given to me by someone that will go nameless. It’s time to get rid of some books.
I have FAR too many purses. Yes, I do. Don’t tell me I don’t because I do.

I also realized a few things in my cleaning binge; I don’t like shells very much. When going through my books, my fingernails get dirty. I still have RSG’s bra. I might be the only person who has framed pictures IN HER CLOSET. I still can’t find my damn MP3 player. Blog Frog 2 is still sitting in my closet and I have a package I was sposta send to Lawbrat about 2 years ago. Oh, and I realized this awhile ago…I don’t like Justin Timberlake.

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10
Apr
She said I can’t update at 2am. It throws a kink her day.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
It’s not 2 am. It’s 10:30 pm.  Besides, this is some funny stuff and I had to share with you RIGHT NOW because I am that lame.

–Go to Google.com

–Click on Maps.

–Click on get Directions.

–From New York,New York

–To Paris,France.

–And read line # 23.


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10
Apr
…and back at the house of Random and Odd
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random, tyler
“I think I need tighter pants.” – Tyler

“Kristine! Did I leave my cape in there?” – Tyler

“Kara, take off your shirt so Tyler can try it on.” – Kristine



Yes, you’re right.
Do you know how awkward it is to go buy your junior in high school a batman costume?

Damn spirit days.

Good thing the girls couldn’t find their spandex pants, because he would have TOTALLY worn them to further embarrass not himself…but the friends that hang out with him.

Remind me to tell you about the time he wore my scuba suit and goggles to school.

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10
Apr
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


Spring Break is over and the house is silent….well, except for Nancy Grace’s annoying voice yapping away about Anna Nicole Smith’s baby.

Easter was totally different than most. I didn’t dye eggs. I didn’t make baskets. I spent the day with Shaun’s parents and grandparents.  The girls were with Dan.
It didn’t feel like Easter.

I went to the store today and I heard the angels of Easter singing.  Cadbury Mini Eggs at 50% off !!!  I’m not a big candy person, but I have a weakness for those little bits o’ heaven.

Larry Birkhead is the father!!  (sorry, the verdict just came in)  Wow, he his smile is contagious.
Oh geez,  Nancy Grace is SO damn annoying!  Quit talking!

I’m thinking about updating the ‘about me’ part of Random and Odd.  So much has happened in my life since I wrote the first draft.  I’ve changed a few things to keep it updated, but for the most part it needs to be redone.  All the kids have gotten older, and LOOK older.  I look older.
That was what I was thinking when I saw the picture of myself (above).  My face is more round than I ever remember it being.

I’m rambling.

Anyway…I was thinking about taking up hiking.

I’m going to stop writing now. I’m lame.

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09
Apr
If I had a Ghost, I would name her Sammy.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Anxiety, My Favorite Posts


Last night was a bad night for me. I have had all types of anxiety and panic attacks in various stages and degrees.

Most of the time, you wouldn’t know I am in the middle of the attack unless I told you. I’ve gotten pretty good at getting through them without looking at the person next to me and screaming at the top of my lungs that the world is going to end and in case of a water landing we better rip the seats out of the car and hope they float.

Shaun knows that every time we get into the car that it’s going to be a game of Russian Roulette. I might be totally fine or I might be like a cat trying to claw my way out through the headliner.
What is strange is there are some people where I get into the car and I am totally fine and have never had a problem with. It’s like my anxiety/panic disorder is selective to whom it will rear its ugly head to.

Last night I took my pills and climbed into bed. I turned on the TV and checked my email really quick. It usually takes me an hour or two to finally let myself fall asleep. At 2 am I thought, “Hmm, this is strange. I haven’t had ANY caffeine. I took my pills, the lights are off, no computer…what the hell?”
Then at 3 I thought for sure that my body would fall into an exhausted heap if I laid flat on my back and set my timer for 15 minutes. I have no “Forensic Files” to watch and I had changed my viewing from crime to old 70′s shows. How boring is “Three’s Company” when you need something to fall asleep to?

At 4 am I started my journey to the kitchen to see if a glass of milk would help. That’s when I had the most horrible of horrible panic attacks.
I had to talk myself through it because my whole body began to sweat and my fingers and toes started to tingle. I felt around in the cupboards in the dark (because Tabitha and the baby were asleep) and I couldn’t find anything except Jeremiah’s baby crackers.
I managed to find some Saltine crackers. In order to get the crackers down, water from the fridge and make it back to the bedroom I had to talk myself through it.

“Do not black out. you are fine. If you can just get the saltine crackers out of the cupboard everything will be fine. You got the crackers. see, everything is fine. no go to the fridge and get the water. Good girl. now walk back to the bedroom. once you get there everything will be perfect.”

I collapsed on my bed and stared at the corner of my closet door for 5 minutes trying to get rid of the tunnel vision and the tingling arms and legs.

That was the second worst attack I have ever had.

At 5 am when Shaun’s alarm went off I slid down under the covers and pretended to be asleep, because if he saw that I was still awake he would be worried about me.

At 5:30 I actually felt myself let go and fall asleep.

When I woke up this morning I felt everything was a giant dream and the ghost of the person I was before the attacks began to hit me was the person that was guiding me through last night. I vividly remember hearing right before I went to sleep, in my own voice, “It’s okay to go to sleep, everything is okay.”

Since I’m not dead and I don’t have a ghost of myself, I’m guessing it’s time to see a doctor…again.

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08
Apr
The Circle Of Life
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
R I P little buddy.


Welcome to the family you sweet, little, handful of joy.



Go on, leave your respects and welcome the new little guy in.  It’s strange when something dies, something is reborn.

*whimper*

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08
Apr
Mom! Mom! Mom!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: My Favorite Posts, Random, The Fonz


OH.MY.GOD!

Wait, back that train up. Happy Easter Everyone!! Hope you have a good one.
Even those that don’t believe in chocolate bunnies *waving to Joel*(shhhh, he’s a doorknocker) and all the chocolate goodness that comes with HOLIDAYS, I hope that today brings you nice spurts of chocolate and family togetherness.
Sidenote: I was tempted to run by Joel’s house and ding dong ditch his house leaving behind a chocolate bunny with a post it note that said: KNOCK KNOCK.

Okay, ’nuff of the Easterness.

MOM!

I had like 4 kabillion dreams last night; one where I shot a pelican (do they fly?) out of the sky with your .357, I saved a dog that was hit by a car, Kara was hit by a car (but that might have just got blended together with the dog), Shaun and I had to shoot a wedding where the cake was rolled up crepe paper, and the BEST.ONE.OF.ALL….Ceasar Milan was your BOYFRIEND!!!
Yes, I had a dream where we were all standing around talking and I was cracking a joke about how Kathy had redid my whole bedding in Pepe La’ Pew and renamed Mooshu- Fe Fe. This is where it gets good, I turned to look at YOUR BOYFRIEND and it was THE DOG WHISPERER! I said, “Ceasar, that’s not good for the dog right? to rename her after she has had the same name for like 7 years?” and THERE YOU WERE! Standing right next to him in the crook of his arm, all cuddled in. He said something and then kissed the top of your head all lovingly.

Aww, Mom…it was the best dream EVER.

I mean, outside of the fact that we all lived in this movie theater and my Pepe La’ Pew bed was right by the projector screen.

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06
Apr
SUCCESS!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: My Brats, Random


It was a GOOD FRIDAY! and I mean that in the non-Easter way. It was good because I actually got to visit everyone’s pages today. I got to pah-rooze around and check out everyone’s HOLY stuff.

I took the girls to the park and took 78 pictures and THREE came out the way I wanted them to. Who knows, a month from now I might like the ones I don’t like today. I’m fickle like that.

Now, the girls are running around, slamming the door, asking, “What can we do now?”

“What can we do now?”

I can think of a list of stuff they could do that would make the quality of my life SO much better. They just roll their sweet, little eyes at me and say in their adorable, little voices, “Mom. I am not going to clean under your bed, scrub your toilet or remove the spiders from the window sills. Something FUN, mom. Something FUN.”

And I thought of the funnest thing in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD!

“Let’s all take a family nap!”

blink.blink.eye-roll.blink.blink.

Why am I the only one who thinks that would be a fucking blast about now?

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05
Apr
SPF: “HOLY”
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: friends, stuff portrait friday
Now, I want to tell you what I was going to do;

I was going to take all the cameras in this house and take a picture of them, then I realized I already did that back in 2004. This was about the time I was begging for a new camera.



Top Left is my first digital. Then the one right next to it was my second. The bohemith next to it is Shea’s camera and the one on the lower center is Shaun’s.

Since then, I have gotten THESE:


Kodak DX7630 (gave it to my mom, though)


Kodak Z740


Nikon D70


Nikon D70s

Alyx has gotten a Kodak, Marina has gotten a Kodak, Dan gave Kara his old Olympus. Kara and I have Polaroid cameras.

When I tell people we have that many, I hear, “Holy…” or “Why?” Because it’s a sick, sick, addiction. I need help. I know. (I’m a fan of Kodak. You can throw them across a room and they keep on working….except when they don’t.)

BUT, that isn’t my HOLY though.

My friend called me yesterday and in her rational, calm voice she said, “Ashley (her step daughter) was in an accident.” and today she sent me a picture of the car. The first words out of my mouth was, “HOLY SHIT!”

Ruka became a full time step parent about 5 years ago. I found out with a phone call where my friend in her rational and calm voice said, “Ashley’s mom died.” It was from a car accident.

We’ve been through a lot; Our teenage years, her uncle’s death, her sister’s mental health, our problems, becoming a step parent and now this.
THIS, THIS has changed her. She called Ashley ‘her daughter’. Ashley is now hers. I feel REALLY sorry for Ashley because she’s not going to tippy toe around anyone about anything anymore. Ruka has just taken the parental reins and I feel sorry for ANYONE who tells her how to raise her from this moment on. *shaking head* Back away people, Ruka isn’t ‘step’ anything—-anymore!

But, just to make sure you all don’t think I’m TOO serious all the time, here is my HOLY; (Yes, Joel…i’m a pagan and i’m going to hell…you can stop praying for my soul)


Thank you Shell for the Rosary!!

Okay, DID YOU PLAY?

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05
Apr
SPF is TOMORROW!!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: stuff portrait friday
I kinda snuck it in a post and I don’t know if you all caught it or not.

It’s something HOLY. It could be something ‘holy’ to you. It could, “HOLY SHIT”, Or something that is Holey. Who knows. You come up with the way you see it. I think I’ve gotten mine figured out and will be shooting it later and posting it later on tonight.

Did I mention, AMERICAN IDOL SUCKS this season?

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04
Apr
I’m too old for this shit…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: kara, photography, Random


I spent the day on roller coasters. I did pretty good until the last ride when my head actually was detached from my spinal cord and then slammed back into place.
When the ride came to a teeth grinding stop I realized…”Yeah, too old.” and then I looked at my 14 year old daughter and she had this look of utter pain. “Mom, my neck…it snapped on that last turn.”

Maybe I’m not too old.

You’re going to die when you hear this; I forgot my camera in the car. I had to use one of the girls’ cameras. It did the trick, we have memories from Kara’s 14th birthday party at Six Flags Discovery Kingdom.

I decided to sneak the camera on a ride, and well…they stopped the ride and I GOT KICKED OFF!

Wasn’t this picture SO worth it though?



Can you say, ‘ORGASMIC’?

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03
Apr
and then the walls come crashing in…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Anxiety
Oh-Kay. So that is what we like to call the ‘calm before the storm’. I’m learning new things about this wonderful world of anxiety.

Lesson One: If Monday was a super fantastic day…that just means the rest of your world is going to come crashing in so hard it’s going to make your butt hole pucker. Mondays are not meant to be ‘good days’. Mondays are designed to SUCK and if you go against the rules that were set before us, you will perish.

Lesson Two: In the beginning of a full fledged panic attack DO NOT think that ‘finding’ something is going to make it better. It does not. Now is NOT the time to go looking for the lost MP3 player or battery charger. I know it seems like the most important thing in the whole world to do at that exact moment because refocusing the panic attack seems like the right thing to do. It’s not. It makes it worse. Even when you find the charger, your panic attack is still there.

Lesson Three: Never try to relive the day before. The day before is the day before. Don’t try pushing your damn luck and having TWO good days in a row.

Lesson Four: Do not try to post a post on your blog about a panic attack IN THE MIDDLE OF A PANIC ATTACK.

I need to figure out how to ‘un-pucker’.
SPF: “HOLY”
You figure out how you want to interpret that one. I might be going with “HOLY SHIT”.

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03
Apr
Did the meds kick in?
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: My Brats, Random


Holy hell, sleeping until noon for FOUR days in a row sure can make a girl feel like she’s walkin’ on sunshine!

I know it’s wrong to feel this happy about all this sleep I am getting. Shouldn’t I feel a little bit more guilty? Shouldn’t I at least try to get up a little bit earlier and do something productive?

It seems to be catchy because all the girls are just as happy as I am. Yesterday the little girls and I lounged in bed watching television and playing on the internet.
Today, Kara and Rina are lounging in the bed watching Veronica Mars. Did I mention they are laughing and giggling? The two that are either trying to kill each other or at least cause great bodily harm are laughing and giggling.

Now it’s almost 2:30 and I’m feeling pangs of guilt about not doing anything. I mean, I did make a pot of coffee. I did go pee. I made the bed just enough to be able to climb right back into it.

There is a life outside of my bedroom. I just know it. But, who cares? *toe wiggles*

Someone needs to make me a sammich!!

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02
Apr
Bwhahahahahha!!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: damn dogs!


I can’t believe I caught this picture! The big dog (Halo, dog from hell) always pisses off the poodle (Mooshu, lap dog of satan) when she goes out to pee.

EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

Mooshu has never put up with the big, dumb dog and she chases her whenever she gets too close.

I was laughing so hard when I saw her do it today because it actually looks like Halo’s ass is trying to move faster than her body!!

Today. Rocked.

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02
Apr
Chillin’ Like A Villian!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: My Brats, Random


Today is really going to be the only day that I can sit in my bed with my hair in a ponytail and surf porn.

Tomorrow I start my panic disorder classes.
Wednesday I am taking the girls to ride roller coasters for hours and hours.
Thursday I will be puking from hours and hours of walking in the sun and riding roller coasters.
Friday my sister is coming to visit.

So today I am sitting in my PJ’s avoiding all responsibility. I am barking orders from my bedroom. I’m also waiting for the moment when all hell breaks lose and the children realize they are getting along.

Right now Kara and Marina are singing in unison. Kara is dancing with Alyx. Shea is surfing the web for pictures of white tigers and Tyler is being 16 years old (Meaning he is riding around with his friend in a car without an adult present)

Life is good today. If someone could just come over and make me a sammich, life would be perfecto.

Life is so good today that I am doing the happy toe curls and wiggles.

I better enjoy it because who knows what is going to happen an hour from now.

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01
Apr
pornographic messages
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: friends, Random
Anyone in the internets knows my phone number. It’s on my work site. I’ve also given out my number to some of my blogger friends that will call me in a drunken mess and offer sexual favors (hi rsg!), during drunken blogger parties, and most recently ask for services of their own.

Kami, left a nice little message on my machine. You have to take a moment and think of Jim from Taxi when you read this, because I’m PRETTY sure Kami was stoned when she left message (or probably drunk, she’s such a lush):

“Hello Hope Photographers…this is Kami. *pause* I am calling because I want pictures of my boobs. MY BOOBS. YES, my boobs. Hi Boobs. *pause* Anyway, I live in Dallas. That’s in Texas. My boobs are in Texas. I want naked pictures of my boobs in Texas. *pause* You live in California. My boobs are in Dallas. I can come to California maybe. My boobs and I will come to California. You shoot with NIiiiiiiiiiiikonnnnnnnnnn. My boobs. My boobs want to be naked and pictured.

Okay, so this is Kami. I want pictures of my boobs. Bye. *pause* no flash.”

I was CRACKING up when I heard this message. It was the ‘no flash’ at the end that made me pee my pants.

Who’s the luckiest drunken phone call receiver? I AM!!

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31
Mar
I’m so easy…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
It’s the first official day of Spring Break for my kids.  This is the time where I get them to clean the living hell out of the house and their rooms. It’s also the time when I get the boys in the backyard to weed.

Dan came over to drop off the girls after karate.  Knowing he had a date this weekend I offered up a deal.
“If you fix he faucet in the front yard, I’ll give you a hair cut.”

Deal made.  I cut his hair and he went off to Home Depot.

Shaun was in the back yard weed eating and Tyler was pulling down the vines that have taken over our front yard.

I had Kara cleaning the kitchen and the little ones folding laundry.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh, the spring in my step is a plenty!!  I walked around with a bottle of bleach and cleaned the hell out of every surface we own.  I would have sang a chirpy little tune if I knew the birds would fly in and sing with me.

Now, with the house clean and all the chores done it’s time to start farming out the kids.

I am waiting for the first ‘Mom, can I go to blah-blah-blah’s house?”

I will say, “OF COURSE YOU CAN! PACK A BAG AND STAY A COUPLE OF DAYS!”

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29
Mar
SPF: BEHIND
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


Okay, this is my SPF for “BEHIND”.
Shaun and I went on our first date in months. We were so behind on our ‘weekly dates’.
Also, the bonus part…No One was BEHIND the camera.

I showered.

DID YOU PLAY?

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28
Mar
Random and Odd Confessional
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
I watch Family Guy. That show is friggin’ hysterical.

The last one I watched was the one where Peter (The Dad) goes to the doctor to get a flu shot and the doctor informs him that they are saving the flu shots for the elderly and young.  Peter then ‘falls’ on the needle and one of the old people standing there yells, “You’re a monster!” and he said, “No, you know what was a monster? FRAMPTON COMES ALIVE! 1976. Do you know ANYONE that didn’t have that album?!”

I’m admitting I was only 4 years old when that album came out, but I remember that album in our house and my sister playing it over and over.  IT WAS A MONSTER!

Name 3 albums you remember from your youth.

1. Foreigner – 4 – 1981
2. Boston  -  Self Titled  1976
3. The Cars – Self Titled  1978

The first album I bought on my own was Eddie Murphy’s album that had the song, “Boogie In Your Butt” on it.

Now that my friends…is a confessional.

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28
Mar
Why?
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
Why is that when the one year old is sitting on the bed with me and he has the Tivo remote high above his head and is pretending to be an orchestrator to the theme song of “Jakers” do I just sit there?

I know what is coming next. It’s always one of two things; He will smack me right in the face with the remote or he will end the song with a skull crushing head butt to my eyebrow.

I have fast reflexes and I am a relatively smart person.  Why do I only SQUINT when I see it coming? Like the fact that my eyes are closed and I have the look of pain on my face before the blow actually lands is going to lessen the pain?

Of course, this is also coming from the same person that has almost nearly knocked herself out with the house phone just by answering it.

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27
Mar
PEOPLE. PEOPLE. PEOPLE!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
Why are you allowing me to sit here and do nothing?  I have not showered. I have not paid my PG&E bill. I have not found my bedroom floor. I have not returned phone calls.

I AM BLAMING ALL OF THIS ON YOU!

No, it’s my fault. I realize this. I have Flickr on my desktop and I am addicted to it. I also have become more addicted to MySpace than I care to admit. (if you have tried to add me because you’re a genius and figured out how to find me –sidenote, it’s not difficult…it’s just randomandodd –end sidenote — and I didn’t add you it’s because I had no idea who you were, send me a message and let me know you’re my reader and I will add you)

Okay, Okay, Okay…the real reason behind this post.  My Site Tracker. FREAKING ME OUT.  Stop it. You’re just screwing with me huh?
Who are the people that keep coming to my site via a yahoo or google search for randomandodd ?  WHO? WHO ARE YOU?  I mean, it’s not that difficult to remember my site name, if you can go to yahoo or google everyday to type it in there, just throw a dot com at the end and Whammo…here I am.  Bookmark me?
There is a reason behind going through yahoo to find me?
FUH-REAKING me out.

And really, all you people really coming here?  Do you not shower and pay bills either?

I am not alone. I know I’m not.  My bra is going on strike.  Either I wash it or have it surgically attached to my body.
Either my feet are now becoming webbed or I have WAY TOO much lint caught between my toes because I HAVE NOT SHOWERED.

Someone? Anyone? Can you Please just give me a reason to take a shower?  I’m just going to get dirty again.

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27
Mar
Oh the screaming…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


By looking at this picture you would never know the power this kid punches when he screams.  I went into small detail about the screaming the child can get to, but unless you have actually HEARD the scream, you have no idea.
You think your child can scream.  You THINK your child can scream.  I’m sorry internet, your kid can ‘cry’ and ‘get upset’ and probably raise his or her ‘cry’ to a level that you think would shatter glass…but this kid…SCREAMS BLOODY MURDER.

The scream doesn’t start off a mellow whine.  Nope, he goes straight to the ear piercing squeal and then it holds long enough to sound like he is being babysat by Edward Sissorhands.
Being the wife of Shaun-of-the-Dead-Baland, I have seen horror movies. This kid screams louder than all the women being attacked in the shower with a knife.

Now if you acknowledge the screaming by picking him up then that reinforces the habit of him screaming like that.  I have to listen to him scream as if he just realized that life does NOT revolve around him.  The tears that come with this terror scream are real too. POURING from his eyes.
An innocent bystander to all of this screaming would think I am thee worst person that ever lived.  How can the woman not just stop and pick up the poor child that is CLEARLY TERRIFIED OF SOMETHING!

He’s not terrified of anything.  The kid is a drama king. As soon as you pick him up, he smiles at you and makes a cute, bubbly sound and wipes his snotty nose and tear stained face all over you shoulder.  It’s endearing.

Today is a screaming day.  He knows I am feeling better and he is giving it to me at full force.  I am having to battle him on EVERYTHING.

It’s been a long time since I have had to take care of a baby. It’s been NEVER since I have dealt with a child that screams like this.

I’ve also never had a boy.

Is his Pee-Pee falling off and that is why he’s screaming like that?  That is the only logical reason any boy should scream that loud.

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26
Mar
Remind me to tell you about how I changed the spelling of my name in High School.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
*yawn*

I’m so out of shape.

I have been rotating ice and heat on my upper thighs to relieve the pain.  Sitting is great. Standing is fine. It’s the in between of each that makes me sound and feel like a 88 year old man.
The first time I sat down to go pee my legs gave out mid way down and I fell INTO the toilet.  The second attempt of going to the bathroom required me to use a stool, yoga ball and my robe strap.  It didn’t work and I went crashing into the toilet mid way down.   The embarrassment of asking my husband to hoist me down to the toilet is beyond words.  I found that if I just fall off the toilet when getting off works better than trying to pull myself up.

This weekend was okay, I had help with the baby.  Today was the first day that it was just him and I.  He was going easy on me until he found that if he crawled up on my lap that Auntie Koo-Koo made funny noises and her face would contort into positions that would make him giggle.  The little bastard found a new game he likes too, it’s called clapping and then slamming his head into my lap.  I put the laptop on top of my legs to protect me and he figured it would be a good drum he could slam with his hand and dig the battery right into my throbbing legs.

It’s getting easier to lower myself and get up.  I realized that the next wedding I am shooting I am going to wear comfortable shoes, not jump up and down from a chair to get pictures and certainly not insisting on dancing with the old man in the corner who looks like he hadn’t danced in years…because he could dance. And spin. And dip.  I can’t blame the pain on Gwen Stephani. This is all my fault.  The vicoden gave me a false sense of security in my active duties for the evening.  Or it might have been the apple martinis.  The fun weddings always hurt the worse.

On the way to the wedding I called my mom. I told her I knew my father would forget to call.  He did. My brother who is closest to him called me and told me not to let it get to me because he even forgets my brother’s birthday.
SORRY. Not getting off that easy. He forgot to call his daughter AND his grand-daughter on her birthday…FOR YEARS. Shaun’s parents ALWAYS remember to give her a call, a card and a gift. SHAUN’S PARENTS!  Not Dan’s mom and step dad. Not his Dad and step mom.  MY NEW HUSBAND’S PARENTS!
My mother and sister always send cards and gifts and call her to make her feel special.
My dad, the man who I called ‘Daddy’ for twenty something years…didn’t call me. Didn’t call his grand-daughter.
Which made me decide. Fuck that shit. He’s buying her a Nikon D50 for high school.  She took photography for all her electives for her whole duration of high school.

A bit harsh, but screw it.

Oh, that reminds me…SPF for next Friday:  BEHIND

(don’t ask…)

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26
Mar
4th attempt at this post…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
Yesterday while laying in bed with a heating pad on my legs I wrote and wrote and wrote.  I then deleted, deleted, deleted.

Each post was worthy of posting, but I can’t seem to express my gratitude for the birthday you gave me with words.  I decided that perhaps I should try it with interpretive dance, but because I managed to fry what little muscles I have in my legs, I will have to wait for my video of my dance of gratitude.

Some people think that blogging is easy.  I never realized how hard it was until I tried to write a thank you post to all my readers.  Not just the ones that sent in things or wished me a happy birthday, but to the many people that email me and say, “I never comment, but I read…and you make a difference.”
I like to think that my readers consist of how many comments I get that day. If I get 4 comments then that is how many people read that day.
I reinstalled a site meter on my blog after not having one for a year.  Site meters freak me out.  I don’t really like knowing how many people actually visit this site because I know that not everyone is a ‘happy, shiny person’.  I’m sure some people just come to read about boob hair and hawk my bootie.
I remembered why I deleted my last site meter.  There was a trackback link to a woman who linked to my site that said, “THIS MAKES ME SICK!”  and it was a post about something cutsie Shaun had said.  It wasn’t the any of the posts where I talk about beating my children. It wasn’t one where I am on the edge of snapping into two with anxiety and begging for help.  Nope, it was something GOOD.  It pissed me off and I thought, “Screw it, I don’t want to know what people are saying about me.”

I have gotten so many emails that have just made this whole thing worth it.  I have saved them all and they sit in my ‘Keep’ folder and when I get depressed, I go back and read them.  I then email that person to let them know that the email that they took 3 minutes to write and say something nice STILL makes a positive effect on me even after 2 years.

This birthday was like…like…I don’t know, I guess I would have to say it would be like getting a nomination for the Bloggie Awards or something.  I want to hold up my mouse, clutch it to my chest and yell, “You like me! You really! really! like me!!”

Sheryl, sent me flowers that took my breath away. MRTL tricked me with a box that said “Igloos R us” and inside was Gingerbread massage oil because she knows my joy of Gingerbread.  I, of course, made a cup of coffee this morning and decided that the Gingerbread massage oil has a better chance of getting any use if I put it in my coffee. It tastes wonderful with a bit of Splenda.
Shelley made me a rosary, even though I’m not catholic.  It’s more of an anxiety rosary that I can use to calm myself during an attack.
OH the cards I got! Thank you!! You guys all made me laugh!
My sister sent me a card that made me cry.

Blogging isn’t easy. It’s a blessing for those of us that can sit down almost everyday and share a part of our lives with other people.

Now, Shaun.  For those of you that don’t think he’s real…well, he is.  He amazes me every single day with the amount of love he has.
On my birthday he managed to smuggle 35 balloons into our room.  He bought me the most beautiful outfit.  He put all this together on my blog.
After the long wedding, he came home and dealt with drama here at home.
I grabbed Tabitha and we headed out to celebrate the last hour of my birthday with my best friend, ‘Cita.  When we got home, Shaun was in the living room cuddled with the baby.   He is the definition of ‘unconditional love’.  Anyone who is lucky enough to have him in their life is blessed.

The baby is now screaming because PBS (Parent’s Baby Sitter) is showing a program that Jeremiah doesn’t like so I have to log off and play blocks or let him pull all my  hair out.
I promise to upload new pictures as soon as I can feel my thighs again.  That belly dancer at the wedding had me climbing up and down on chairs all night.  Oh, and don’t ask about Tyler’s Junior Prom.   Poor guy. Poor, poor guy.

Last but not least, don’t take vicoden on an empty stomach.  It makes you want to barf and will make you think your camera strap is trying to strangle you.

*bow*

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23
Mar
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


Shaun here. So you’re 35 years old. When you factor in five kids, two dogs, me, and the ex and the baby in the house, you’re medically about 117 years old. Which means you’re doing damn good for your age! Everyone here loves you, and if they say otherwise I’ll either delete or edit their message until they love you. While everyone else gets the e-Kristine, I get the real thing. I get the weird, crazy woman that everyone else only reads about. And for those of you who’ve never met Kristine, she’s just as great, caring, beautiful, and funny in person as she is here on RAO. Honey, you’re the realest person I’ve ever met, and you make me laugh every day. Thank you for everything, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

Here are a few birthday wishes from your friends. Others have sent gifts, cards, or e-mails. Thank you SOOOO much for everyone who contributed to this. If you didn’t know, its because I didn’t have your e-mail address, so I’m sorry. Please send a reply with any birthday wishes you want to add!!!

Also want to throw in a happy rainbow birthday to RSG!!!! Your video will be on the way ;)





 These are from MRTL…..pretty accurate Yahoo avatars, huh?







Kami has a video, but it won’t load for some reason. Probably too much nudity. But please send it again, Kami. Maybe Kristine can figure out how to embed it right.

Thanks again, and please comment!!!!!



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23
Mar
SPF: TWO…& Happy Birthday Kara
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


I had many ideas for “Two”.

1. I could have posted a picture of Jeremiah and I who are the two people in the house that have ear infections.
2. I could have posted the picture of the two huge ass pills I had to take to get rid of the sinus infection I have.
3. I could have posted the picture of how many people it takes to figure out much medicine to give Jeremiah. (hee hee)
4. I could have posted an adorable picture of me at two where I have my dress pulled up and my coochie out there for the whole world to see.
5. I could have posted a picture of …. Well, there is lots of ‘Twos’ I could have picked from.

Because it’s Kara’s birthday and she’s an Aries, we should make this post all about her.

Dear Kara,
You’re the biggest pain in the ass right now, but I love you so very much. You have always been my bestest friend in the whole wide world.
You know that Otter Pops make everything all better.
You’re brave and smart.
You’re silly and beautiful.
I love you. I can’t believe that little girl up there is turning 14 today. TODAY. TODAY you are 14 years old. That’s a whole year older than you were yesterday.
When you were two years old you couldn’t pronounce the letter “W”. You called it “Double Dew.”
You have always been a daddy’s girl, but you have grown closer to me through out the years.
I remember a phone call to your Auntie Kathy when I said, “I am never having another child. This one hates me.” and she told me, dead serious, “That is why I am never having another one either.”

You don’t hate me anymore. You love me and I love you too.

Please bear with our lives for awhile okay sweetie? Things will get better and we can crawl back into bed and watch Medium and Ghost Whisperer together.

Happy Fourteenth Birthday, Kara Lynn.

DID YOU PLAY?

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22
Mar
Define moron.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
Like my doctor and I haven’t been spending enough time together. I had to call him and make yet another appointment this morning. Shaun insisted.
Yesterday I popped my ears because the ringing in them was making me batty.  When I did I must have dislodged something I shoved in my ear when I was 6 because it feels like my brain is slowly oozing out of my head and I can hear EVERY single sound being made within a 10 mile radius of my ears.  In addition to this little joy of hearing mice breath is the sub-woofer sound my ears make when I open my mouth.  “Whoomp. Whooomp.  Whoooommmmp.” it’s like a Twilight Zone episode where at the end I find out that I am really a human souped up Honda Civic.

I’m excited to be able to go see the doctor though because I can tell him about the glass I got in my finger a month ago that is somewhere in my index finger and I can’t feel the tip of my finger anymore.  I tried everything, including using the vacuum cleaner to suck it out, but it’s difficult to suck glass out of your finger when you don’t know where it is.

Well, 24 hours into the no smoking ordeal and I haven’t killed anyone yet.  I’m sure that will come later when my ears stop playing “The Cars that Go Boom” and my lungs are no longer working overtime to help me breath through the cold/flu.

YOUR SPF ASSIGNMENT:  Sorry, bout waiting so long to give this to you…been dieing if you hadn’t noticed….

March 23rd, 2007: (Kara’s Birthday) “TWO”  That was my favorite age with Kara. She was my little buddy and her favorite thing was to go check the mail with me. We were two little buddies who had no one but each other for friendship.
I miss those days.

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21
Mar
hello lungs, it’s me…Kristine
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
I decided after watching a lot of the late night infomercials that after 35 things need to be taken note of. Like, “You shouldn’t take … if you’re 35 and smoke.” “If you’re 35 and smoke, please consult your doctor.” “You can NOT take this if you’re 35 and still smoking like a house on fire.”

I decided about 3 months ago that I was going to quit smoking on my 35th birthday, because that is what the television told me to do. Do not smoke after you’re 35 or you won’t be able to take all the pills later in life that is going to make me die healthier.

This was the plan; Kara’s birthday is Friday and mine is Saturday. I have a wedding to shoot on Saturday (yes, ON my birthday) so I was going to quit on Kara’s birthday. What a gift to give your child. Your mother around longer. Whooopie.

So Thursday night, the lungs and I were going to get all dressed up and hit the town. A little bit of the bar scene, a tad of trippin’ the light fantastic and a stroll around a smoky casino. It was going to be a fabulous time had by all. I was going to send the people at Phillip and Morris pictures of the night and they were going post it on a billboard for all the world to enjoy. It would be me and my slightly charred lungs with a top hat and me in my shaker girl costume dancing and smoking. Can you hear the music and see the lights?

And then the cold hit. Last night I only had one smoke and went to bed. This morning I got a visit from left lung. He came flying up out of my throat after some strange half cough, half sneeze maneuver.

”Whoa! Dude.” He said. “Do you know how many times I thought you were going to actually do that in High School? I mean, cough up a lung?!”
”Hi lung.” I say. I mean, what do you say to a lung you have abused your whole life?
”Hey, about Thursday.” He shuffles around a bit, “I’m not feeling much like going out. I know we made plans, but damnnnnnn that cold really kicked my ass and I’m not thinking I can withstand one of your all night smoking binges. Especially if you decide to go with the 100’s. I don’t think I can handle it. We are almost 35 you know?”

”Yeah, that’s why I wanted to have a party.” I know my lungs are right. It doesn’t change the fact that I wanted one last hoorah with them before I put down the lighter forever. “How about this? I quit smoking now, but I get a mulligan later in life? Just one hoorah out of the blue for no reason? Deal?”

My lung didn’t look convinced. “No way. You did that to me after you stopped smoking for like 5 years. Do you remember how trashed I was? I couldn’t even function right for days.”

”So this is it? That lame cigarette I smoked last night was THEE last smoke? I didn’t even enjoy it. My throat hurt and I couldn’t even taste it. “

“Yep.”

And so begins the task of a life of smoke free living…and trying to figure out how to get my left lung back into my chest cavity.

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20
Mar
Dear Mom,
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


Hi, It’s me, Kristine again.  I’m sure you know why I am writing you.  The children are driving me crazy and I blame all of it on you now.

The angst in this house is so thick I can cut it with a butter knife.  I can’t take it anymore! Mother, please…I beg of you…stop with the wicked laughter, your voodoo dolls and the tossing of chicken bones into a stone bowl.   CALL OFF THE CURSE.

If you are unwilling to call off the whole curse can you at LEAST do some sort of reversal magic that will allow the teenagers in this house to stop with the whiny voices, the pouty faces, and the words. OH DEAR GOD…THE WORDS!  “Geez!” “GOD!” “WHATEVER!” “YOU SAID!” “DID NOT!” “YES HUH!” “YOU’VE BEEN ON THE COMPUTER FOR OVER AN HOUR!” “MOM!” “DAD!” “KRISTINE!” “CAN I?” “WHY NOT?” “OMGYOULOVEHER/HIMMORETHANYOULOVEME!!!”

I know you’re not calling off the part of the curse where they steal..er…MISPLACE all MY stuff or use my room as the room that is the catch-all of all crap that doesn’t belong in any other room.
I probably deserve that part of the curse.
But Mom, for reals. We need to talk about the asking for money and EXPECTING ME TO HAND IT OVER part of the curse. You did not mention this when you cursed me with children just like me.

This girlie is so ready for the boys to start calling.  Big stick by the front door.  I’m also ready to deal with the not-to-clean cut friends that happen to have cars.  I’m even ready for the part where she THINKS her ass is going to sneak out this house. I AM READY. BRING IT ON.
Until then though…what the hell is this purgatory you have me sitting in?  this angsty, life sucks, do i really have to do my chores? I want to live with the other parent part of the curse?

STOP WITH THE ANGST.   Mother. Please. Cut me some slack. It’s only fair, I have your panic disorder gene and I also have your ass. THAT was not a part of the deal either. What in the world did I ever tell you that would curse me with your ass?

Okay, that is all for now.
Love,
Kristine- your ever so humble and loving daughter

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20
Mar
cough. sniffle.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
You would think that children’s cartoons would be more entertaining while trippin’ on DayQuil, but you know what? They aren’t.

Poor Jeremiah is teething and I have a sneaky suspicion that he might have the same cold that I have…or I am teething too. He has a big ol’ snotty nose.  Keep in mind, I’ve had three girls of my own, but I have never seen so much snot in my life.  It’s no longer clear and has moved on to cool colors.  He fights me every time I pull out the tissues. This child might have been Mr. Miyagi in a former life.  I’m pretty certain if I were to hand him a pair of chop sticks he could catch a fly.
If he doesn’t want his nose wiped. It does NOT get wiped.

Today I woke up around 5 am and took my DayQuil.  At 6:00 am Marina brought Jeremiah in my room and we sat and watched Sesame Street until 8:00 am.  By this point I am stone, cold trippin’ on my DayQuil buzz.  The Backyardagans came on and I was so excited because it wasn’t one I had seen before.  As the morning progresses, Jeremiah gets tired and takes a nap.  Since I have taken my dose of DayQuil and two cups of coffee, there is no way this girl is sleeping. I can’t breath anyway.
Now The Backyardagans are on again and I’m pissed because it’s one I’ve already seen.  Jeremiah woke up and now I’m tired.  With both of us being sick, you would think there would be an adult around to be able to take care of us, because when I am medicated I’m about as useless as a 4 year old.

I’m thinking after we drop Jessica off at school, (Yes, I am required to drive) that I’m going to go find an adult that will agree to watch us and make sure we don’t hurt anyone or ourselves.

I’m on DayQuil and the baby is on Tylenol. Which one of is more responsible to drive the 5 year old to school?

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19
Mar
Ho-Dup. Iss nowt awergies. It’s du fru.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


*Sniffle* nowp. Is not awergies. Issdafru.

I downt hab a febber. but i gots all the udder stuff.

Docker Shawn gots me some nyquil so i can sweep.  I wayed tissue all ober the bed so i don’t snot on the pillows.

*Snnnifff*

I am so doped up. I am having hallucinations. i’m pwetty sure I can see the future.

I’m dehydrated, i think. my lips fell off. and my left, no right, no left eye is goin’ to ‘splode.

Oh dear. Gotta go.  My toes are twinkling and it’s making my eyelids tired.

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18
Mar
oooh. wee.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


Come spring I am Karma cursed for all the years I had picked on Dan for having allergies.  I don’t mean I picked on him in a loving way, I picked on him in a horrible manner.  Names like, ‘dork’ ‘nerd’ were just the tip of the ice berg. No sympathy what so ever when his eyes would bulge from his head in a red, irritated way.  No sympathy when he would walk around and talk like he had a tube sock shoved up his nose.  Not even a warm rag when he would wake up and his eyes would be glued shut.  I would laugh at him and call him names.

Then God gave me Alyx…and with Alyx came all the allergies her father had.  From day one she was allergy prone to everything.  Spring time she is in tears with the though of going outside.  I would like to believe I suddenly got allergies because I was having ‘mother sympathy pains’ for my beautiful baby…but I know it’s because I was a royal bitch to Dan for all those years of his suffering and having to carry around a inhaler.

My favorite time of the year is March.  My birthday is in March. The trees have pretty petals on them. The petals fall off and it looks like it’s snowing.  The grass is greener.  The air is cleaner.
My allergies kick in.  March now sucks.

Tonight I am battling this sneezy, runny nose, I have hair on the back of my tongue feeling.   It feels like a really strange acid trip. NOT THAT I HAVE EVER DONE ACID.  Because that is bad. BAD. BAD.  People might think they saw Jimmy Hoffa in the walls and try to get him out with a butter knife.  Worst case people on acid might actually forget how to ride a bike mid way down the street.  ACID=BADNESS.  Don’t do it kids.
With that warning said, “Hellooooooooooooooooooo Jimmy Hooooofffffaaaaaa.”

Karma, I’m sorry for picking on Dan. Please stop the ringing in my ears and swollen tongue. If you truly have any pity, you can let my nose stop running for like 30 minutes too.

Kristine

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16
Mar
Happy 1st Birthday, Jeremiah
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
A year ago, your mother welcomed you into the world with more love than any child could ever ask for.



You have always been surrounded by people that find you a blessing from God and have loved you within seconds. It’s hard not to, you’re so damn cute.



You never let me even look at you without throwing a fit…unless I was holding a camera.  You never seemed to mind the big flash.  If I dared to talk to you, you would begin to cry.  Not just cute, whiny cries, but big boy tears.



In December you moved in with Me, Uncle Buddy, Your brother and sister…and your now extended sisters.
It didn’t take long for you to warm up to me and all the craziness of our household.


In the past few months you have grown so much. You went from standing, to taking steps and giving people names.



You have brought a joy to our home and bonded people together.  You made a huge family even bigger.  You have already begun the greatness that you will bring to this world.

You have two ways of getting what you want:



OR:



Either way, you usually get what you want.

Happy First Birthday, Buddy.

You are loved.



Ohhh, the places you will go.  (Hopefully it will be to get your first haircut soon)

Auntie Koo-Koo

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15
Mar
SPF: Letters..cause they are so cool.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


I am not kidding when I said about 200 ways to do this weeks SPF. As I was going out to get my “Essential Rumi by Coleman Barks” book when I caught Tabitha in the kitchen with a mouth full of french bread all fired up after her meeting.

I love to listen to people when they are motivated about things in their life. Just a few months ago she was lost, hurting and uncertain what her future held for her. Tonight she is ready to go.
As she was talking about her online travel business she has started, I grabbed my camera.

“Oh hell no, you are not going to get a picture of me all busted up.”
(In cracker terms: “Please, I am not looking my best, can we hold off and getting a picture until I am looking a bit better?”)

I don’t know too much about it, because mostly I am highly medicated during our conversations, but she is FIRED UP. You will have to ask her about it.

All I know is I got a bunch of people asking how they could help after she was assaulted at gunpoint. I just as clueless what to do to help, but to just be here and provide whatever I had.

Now I know. It’s actually pretty simple: If you’re going to book a flight or hotel or rental car, visit her website. If the price is right, book it through her.

www.simple-trips.com

and my SPF LETTERS: THANK YOU. (you have all been so supportive of our crazy family)

DID YOU PLAY? (I know, I know, my letters weren’t as good as you were expecting, but cut me some slack, they upped the medication)

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14
Mar
Comment Section Wish List
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
Comment Section Wish List…

Body: Okay, here’s the deal. The person above you in the comment section makes a wish (”I wish I had a banana!”), and then the person below grants your wish, and then wishes something else, but here’s the fun part: Your wish is messed up!

Example:

NoDramas—I wish I had a million dollars.

Charlotte—Granted, but you owe 2 million in back taxes. I wish I had a new puppy.

Christie—Granted, but it chews up all your shoes. I wish I had a new car…

It’s fun, it will keep you all busy for awhile.

Ya’all know Kami will be the first person to make a wish. Or Pissy, She’s always looking for a new purse.

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14
Mar
word ta ya mutha.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
All morning officially sucked.  It’s official. I called the office of Suck McSucky and gave them my information on my morning and they certified it as ‘sucked’.  It was ‘royally’ sucky, but it sucked enough to get a certificate and a reason to blog about it.

My van, Bertie, has been making a funny noise when I run the air.  There is nothing more I hate than taking my car into the shop, ESPECIALLY if there is a “Warranty” involved.  It doesn’t matter what warranty I get. I can pay 4 times the car worth for a warranty and the ONE thing that is wrong with my car is the ONE thing that wasn’t covered.

I headed over to the rental car company.  Jeremiah begins the scream to end all screams when the nice lady begins describing the cars they have.
“I just need one with a CD player.”
Normally, I could care less if I have music or not, but since I watch Jeremiah during the day, the need for a CD player is essential.  See, the boy doesn’t like ‘bye-bye’.  He screams.  We could install a disco ball and play hip hop with hired dancers to entertain him while in the car and it wouldn’t work. He will scream the scream.
Shaun made him a CD and I can be out for a little over an hour before he freaks out.  It starts with the theme to Kipper the Dog and that soothes him.  You don’t DARE put him in a car without that CD in the player.

ONE HOUR LATER.

“Okay, we have a car with a CD player for you.”  At this point I have seen 20 people come in and complain about SOMETHING with a car or an overcharge that was added to their credit card.  I’m starting to freak out a little bit because they have my credit card number on file and charged me TWO HUNDRED dollars (I don’t have) for a deposit.

I get out to the car and it’s a Tahoe. I had to triple upgrade to get THIS?
“You couldn’t get me a Dodge Neon with a CD player. I’m pretty sure they are standard.”  The woman tried to sell me on this “car” because it was more roomy.    All the while the car is running and I can HEAR the gas being sucked from it.
Then after all the waiting and panicking,  THE CAR SEAT WON’T GO INTO IT.  Nope. It has no locking system and the seatbelt doesn’t have a safety clip to secure it.

“NO! I WILL NOT LOCK PUT MY CHILD IN THIS CAR! IT IS NOT SAFE!” The woman realizes that I have just about had enough of the BS and is about tired of hearing the scream to end all screaming from the child.

I tell them I want a car that is on THE LOT and that they don’t have to drive to another lot to go get. I want a car that has the latching system. I want a DAMN CD PLAYER!
You’ll never guess what this woman is driving.  A friggin’ 07 Cadillac.  I feel like P-Diddy’s girlfriend when I’m driving it.

Shaun said he’s going to take pictures. I think I need to run out and get a set of those gold teeth and big clock for my neck.
WORD?

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13
Mar
Your SPF assignment
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
I was inspired by a reader from last week when she posted her ‘luggage’ that had old letters from friends.  Please forgive me for not remember which reader it was. If it was you, raise your hand!

I also checked out William’s site today. He has pictures of his adorable son’s modeling the shirts that his beautiful wife made. SO ADORABLE I COULD EAT THEM.  I added a link to my blog so you all can rush out and buy four of each letter.
Can’t find it?  Click Here.

Also…Did you notice anything new about the place? Hmmm? anything? YES YES YES! I have a new header!! San made it for me!! We bonded over our love of My So-Called Life and she offered to make me a header with this program called Photoshop and these thing called Brushes. *shrug* What is this crazy thing she speaks of? *double shrug* I don’t know, but I love it and keep licking my monitor to make sure that no one will steal my header.

I would also like to say; I suck.  You are all having birthdays and getting married and having lives and you’re all sharing it with me…and i’m not reading.  WHY? What is wrong with me?  Oh yeah. I’m baby sitting.
Just know, It’s not that I don’t care, it’s because I have suddenly have a one year old that just doesn’t like the taste of Nyquil like my other kids did.   Oh, shut up…tell me you never thought about it!

Oh crap. I almost forgot to tell you what your assignment was.  (wouldn’t I have been your FAVORITE teacher?)

SPF: March 16th: (Jeremiah’s 1st birthday)  Your Letters.

I’m going to actually enjoy this one.  I have about 300 ideas on how to do it.  I like to take pictures of signs, tombstones, single words.  There are certain words I love: Hope. Some words I don’t like: tchotkies.
I love letters.  I love them all. A-Z.  And did you know that COOKIE, COOKIE, COOKIE STARTS WITH C?

Yeah, I need to stop watching Sesame Street with Jeremiah.

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13
Mar
And The Itsy Bitsy Spider went up the Spout Again!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


I’ve done really stupid things in life when it comes to being a parent.
They go in this order:

1. When Kara was about 3 or 4 she came into the bedroom while I was painting and asked me if she ‘could put the thing in thing’.  I wasn’t paying attention because I was covered in purple paint at the time. So I said, “Sure.”
The next thing that happened scared the living shit out of me.  POW! Then all the lights went off in the house and Kara was screaming in the other bedroom.
I ran into the bedroom to see her sitting at the power outlet screaming her head off.  “YOU SAID I COULD!” and she handed me some metal prong thing that was clearly NOT anything that should ‘plugged in’.

2. I let Alyx watch Shea in her bathtub ring while I went into the kitchen to grab a cup so I could wash their hair. It took two seconds for Shea’s bulging belly to bust that bath ring into 4 pieces and for to slip under the water.  Alyx was only 15 months older that Shea was, but had the maturity of a 13 year old when she started screaming, “OH HELP! OH HELP!”

3. I forgot for 3 nights in a row to take the tooth from under Alyx’s pillow and every morning she would come in my room with tears streaming down her face not understanding why the tooth fairy wouldn’t visit her.

Each time I managed to save my children from the clutches of CPS or a visit to the hospital. I never ever had to call the ambulance or fire department.  Not bad seeing I had almost shocked, drown and mentally scared my kids.

Today I put Jeremiah’s car seat in my van, taking extra care to make sure it was not ever going to move.  I climbed into his seat to give it extra weight as I pulled the latching system in super tight.  That seat was not moving.  As I was putting him in, he started to get fussy.  When I say fussy, I am being nice.  When Jeremiah ‘gets fussy’ he screams at the top of his lungs.  He screams so loud and at a pitch that only dogs in Pakistan can hear.  It’s a scream so loud that it feels like he is jabbing Q-tips into your ears.  Do you understand what I am saying here? He screams. LOUD. HIGH PITCH. LOUD.
The only way to get him not to scream like that is to shove a boob in his mouth or hand him my keys.  Keys it was.

He loves my keys. It has this orange stretchy cord on it, little cards, a keyring a blogger sent me and best of all, my alarm system with this cute button that causes the car to make cool noises.

After the grueling 19 minutes it takes me to strap the kid in the car I hand him a cool toy and shut the van door.

I locked my keys in the car.  WITH. THE. BABY.

Panic Disorder much?

Imagine if you will standing in my driveway yanking on the door handle as if God would say, “ha ha, just kidding, it’s not locked.”  and then looking in the window to see all the other doors locked.
“OH. MY. FUCKING. GOD.”  (yes, I know I will go to hell for the last statement, but I probably deserve it)
I had just locked my husbands, ex-wife’s baby in the car.  Ohhhhhhhh, I am going to be in SOOO much trouble.

“Kara get my phone!”  Then I realize…my cell phone IS IN THE CAR.  “KARA! GOD! GET YOUR PHONE!”  She ran into the house and grabbed her phone and asked me who to call.
“CALL 911!!!”

I am tapping on the window and Jeremiah is starting to realize that Auntie Koo-Koo is looking a bit scared.  He starts to scream.

This is how the 911 call went.  You might be hearing this on one of those ‘The Stupidest 911 Calls EVER” shows.

“911, what is your emergency?”
“I locked my baby in the car.  Hi Honey! Hiiiii babbbby! Noooo, it’s OK!! Kara, play peek-boo!”
“Ma’am, where are you at?”
“My Driveway.”
“No, your location…what town?”
“Oh, Rocklin.  I KNOW! The itsy bitsy spider went up the water spout…”
“Ma’am, your address please.”
“Hold on. Kara sing it with me please! LOUDER! ITSY BITSY SPIDER WENT UP THE WATER SPOUT!”
I then give the woman the address and she asks me how long he’s been locked in the car. “about 92 seconds. KARA! IS HE CRYING? no? Good, KEEP SINGING!”
The lady informed me she was going to transfer the call to the local fire department and she is giving the information to the other lady at the fire department, all the while the two ladies on the phone are having to listen to Kara and I sing at the top of our lungs, “DOWN CAME THE RAIN, AND WASHED THE SPIDER OUT!”
“Ma’am, we are going to dispatch the fire truck out to your location.”
“GREAT IDEA!  Kara, go get the fire truck!”
“No Ma’am, we are going to bring the fire truck to you.”
Well duh, my car keys are locked in the car WITH THE BABY! Idiots.
Kara comes outside with Jeremiah’s toy fire truck and is showing it to him.

Jeremiah then realizes that Kara is outside of the car and has his fire truck. The nerve!  He starts screaming again.

“OUT CAME THE SUN, AND DRIED UP THE ALL THE RAIN!”  He is amused that we are both singing to him and stops screaming.

Now the neighbors are coming out, because how often do the strange people in the court stand outside the car and sing Itsy Bitsy Spider to it?
The people on the corner are having tile put in their house so they had workers outside.  They actually stopped cutting tile so they could watch as Kara and I dance around the outside of the van singing SO loud.

At this point my friend, Big Sexy pulls up and sees me freaking out while trying to keep the motions of Itsy Bitsy Spider in line with the words.  “I locked the baby in the car. Can you go get Alyx and Shea?”

Right about now I hear the fire engines.  They used the sirens.  I think they even borrowed sirens from other fire trucks to make sure that EVERYONE in a 20 mile radius could hear they were coming to MY HOUSE because the idiot woman locked a baby in her van.

The fire fighters come rushing out of the truck in full fire fighter gear, hats and all.  They were taking this very seriously.
“Ma’am, how long has he been in there?” The hat wearing fire fighter asks.
“I think about 4 minutes. Kara? About 4 minutes?”
“Okay, he looks pretty worked up.”
“KARA! SING!”
And we stand in front of the van and start doing our two part harmony again.  He is interested in the fact that their are strange looking guys playing with Auntie Koo-Koo’s van and that Auntie Koo-Koo and KiKi are singing just for him.

The door pops open and I have him out of that seat so fast.  He is annoyed that there are way too many people standing close to him and all of them are looking at him. Looking at him is against Jeremiah rules.  You can only look at him if he allows you to.  If you try to look at him without written consent, he will curl into a tiny ball and shove himself into my pocket, all the while screaming to dogs in Pakistan.

“I need to check his temperature.” One of the EMT people say. I didn’t even realize I had a paramedic van in my court. Then the nice man makes the mistake of putting his hand too close to the child.  Somehow, Jeremiah manages to pull some “wax on, wax off, paint the fence” move.  He blocks the guy every single time he reaches to touch him.  Then he lets the nice man know what he thinks of him.  I tell him that he’s alright that he’s always like that around strangers and he’s not that warm.

“Trust me, that isn’t even screaming. Try putting him in his play pen while I do the dishes. NOW THAT IS SCREAMING.”

After all the drama was over we went back into the house and Jeremiah was fine, playing with his toys as if nothing out of the ordinary had just happened.

This is the point that I realize how much my children love me.  “Mom, Tabitha never has to know about this.”  And each one throws up their pinkie finger so we can bond in this one secret that no one would ever have to know about.
“No, I’m going to call her and tell her. I have to tell her.”
“NO!” all four girls yell in unison. “DO NOT CALL HER!”
“I’m calling her.”
“Wait until she gets home.”
“Nope, calling.”
At this point I know how much all the girls really care about me because they follow me into the room while I made the call.  One child patting my leg and Marina almost in tears.  She just knows her mom is going to drive home and beat the hell out of her new step mother.

Tabitha was more worried about me because I was so scared. “He OK?”
“He’s fine. He was only in there for like 5 minutes, but it felt like 5 hours.”
“You OK?” She laughs.
“I LOCKED YOUR BABY IN THE CAR. No, I’m not okay.”
“He’s out now. Calm down, Girlie.”
She still loves me.

Of course, Poor Jeremiah is going to have fire fighter flashbacks every time he hears, Itsy Bitsy Spider.

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12
Mar
I never meant 2 cause u any sorrow
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
It’s 1:04 am (Which is really 12:04 in my brain) and I can’t sleep.
I’m not a big ‘movie watcher’.  I like stuff like CSI and Forensic Files.  When I was kid though, movies were the shit.  I grew up in a town where we had 3 television stations. PBS. ABC and if the weather was right CBS.

I remember the day my mom came home with a rented VCR.  We must have sat around and watched everything they had in the very small video store in our town.  When the prices of a VCR came down, we bought one and that started my love of anything that could be rewound and watched over and over.

My friend, Cori Pignataro, had 2 movies that she watched over and over at her house.  I would have to say we saw those two movies at least a hundred times in the 4 years we spent our days together.

Poltergeist was her step-dad’s favorite movie.  After school and he got off of work we had to watch his taped “General Hospital” and “Days of Our Lives”.  After we were caught up on Luke and Laura, then Bo and Hope we would watch Poltergeist.

The other movie is my guilty pleasure movie.  Cori’s dad never stuck around if we put it in to watch it with her older sister.  Purple Rain.  We knew EVERY.SINGLE.LINE of that movie.

Tonight, plum out of Forensic Files (by the way, I have seen EVERY episode of that show…and concluded, I might need to move the dead bodies of my ex-boyfriends to another location…my backyard just isn’t safe anymore.)
Purple Rain was on this channel I had never seen before.  I decided, “What the hell. It will at least knock me out and I will fall asleep.”

No such luck.  Damn movie sucked me in like I was 13 all over again.  I wanted SO badly to stand up on the hope chest at the end of my bed and dance to Morris Day and The Time and It took everything I had not to belt out, “Baby I’m a Star!” at the end of the movie.

Okay, I have admitted my secret guilty pleasure movie. What’s yours?

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11
Mar
white hair and big glasses
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
We like to spend a few hours with Shaun’s parents at least once a month. Today they brought us to lunch along with Grandma.

At some point during lunch, a woman and her children came in and one was screaming quite loudly.
Grandma looked over at Shaun’s dad and without fear of CPS popping out of the booth next to us and said, “My kids never did that. You certainly never did that. If you did that when you were a kid I would have shoved my fist down your throat.”

Shaun’s dad, in typical Shaun’s Dad fashion said, “Ohhh Geez! Mom!” and looked around to see if anyone had heard his mother say that.

I had a mouth full of French Dip when she said it.

She then said, “You know. I have like 22 grandchildren.  I am so lucky.  Not an ugly one in the bunch.”

I love having lunch with that woman.

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10
Mar
Spam Karma 2
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
Do you know how many messages I had to go through today to try to figure out if it was spam or real? ZERO!

Do you know how many minutes I used up trying to manage the Spam? ZERO!

Do you know how many emails I got in my WordPress Moderation inbox? ZERO!

Spam Karma 2 … you make my pee pee area tingle. I love you.

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08
Mar
STUFF PORTRAIT FRIDAY: Luggage…nope, baggage.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


Nope, the more I thought about it and the more the day progressed, I thought about all the crap about my dad.

I do carry that around like a big ol’ bag of doodie.  See the picture above? It’s me winning my first trophy in BMX racing.  I didn’t do BMX because I was so into bikes and couldn’t get enough of the thrill of jumping the table tops.  I did it because the neighbor boy did it and his dad was my dad’s best friend.



This was taken 14 years ago, the day before Kara was born.  It’s me holding a Walther P88 my dad was so proud of it.  When I was a kid I spent my weekends with my mom and dad out behind the house with an arsenal of guns and ammo.  We would spend hours out shooting at targets and then some weekends we would pack up our stuff and go on a competition shoot.

After BMX and Shooting he got into golf.

My dad was gone during the week and only home Friday night to Sunday night.  Our weekends were always spent doing what my dad enjoyed.
It wasn’t just me. My mother always got into what he was into.

The baggage I carry around is something I don’t like to admit.

It’s not cheap and red.  It’s ugly though.

Sorry for the depressing Stuff Portrait Friday.  I’m working through so much in my life right now.

Did you play?

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08
Mar
Luggage or Baggage?
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random


It’s Thursday, which means later on tonight I will uploading a picture of my luggage for SPF.  SPF is all about taking a picture of your stuff (Stuff Portrait Friday) and just sharing your link with everyone so you can get to know your fellow bloggers.
I love when I assign a picture and people really take it to a whole other level.  It amazes me how people see things so differently.

This week’s assignment is Luggage and I can only imagine how people will take this one.  Suitcases, Diaper bags, children, an ex-husband…the options are unlimited.

You would think with everything from yesterday that my “Luggage” would be the stuff that I am carrying around from my past.
I’ve actually let all of that go.  Maybe it’s easier for me because I was younger than my brothers and sister when our life was less than ideal.  Maybe it was because I lived in a fantasy world where I was a princess that nothing bad could ever happen.  Everyone loved me enough to let me live in that world and I thrived there.  Everything was magical. My brothers were Princes that protected me and my sister was the most beautiful woman in all the land.
My dad was an ogre.  My mom was the carriage driver.  Anyone that came to the house was ignored unless they had a role in my world.
As I got older, my princess life changed into a world of stories.  I would write for hours and hours about people, their emotions, drama and happy endings.  I remember handing my dad one of my favorite stories and letting him read it.  He pointed out that I was changing the tense of the character.  My mother got mad at him and told me it was an awesome story.
I never wrote another story after that.  Even though my mom was supportive  of what I was trying to do, one single word from my dad about how he didn’t  like the story and my whole motivation was lost.

Yeah, sure…I’ve let it go huh?

I’ve gotten over worrying if my dad approves of what I accomplish anymore.  When I graduated from college I put together a whole book of my electronic tests, each with an A on the top of the pages.  This was my gift to him for having to put up with me as a child who wouldn’t even open a book during high school.
He flipped through the pages and said, “good.”
It might have been at that moment that I realized It didn’t matter.  I kept the book for myself as a reminder of what I accomplished.

I know that some of this stuff will come out during my meetings.  The guy will say that I do so much to gain people’s approval. I don’t set boundaries because I don’t want people to get mad at me or say bad things about me.
He will be right, because even though I don’t seek my father’s approval, I’ve transfered it to other people and the fear of guilt of not doing enough is my driving force to keep doing more.

So, now that I have that all figured out, what now?  try to not feel guilty for not doing enough?  How does one go about changing that?  How does one change the whole fiber of their being without becoming a self centered bitch?

Yeah, I think I will just post a picture of my luggage. It’s red. It holds lots of stuff. I’ve never used it.

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07
Mar
More…More…More…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Anxiety, Random
I had my head doctor meeting today.  Now after listening to me, he has decided I need 6 weeks of Panic Disorder meetings, 2 meetings with the doctor that has a bunch of letters after his name and possibly shock therapy.

Going over my family history of anxiety, substance and alcohol abuse, and my childhood,  (By the way, everything revolves around your damn childhood) I think they are required by law to ask, “Have you ever thought you might be Co-Dependant?”
I said, “I’ve read the book. TWICE.”  He looked at me like I was crazier than he originally diagnosed.
“Wow. Then you know about as much about Co-Dependency as I do.”

This don’t instill comfort in me.

He listened though. He asked questions.  He then said, “You have a cute panic disorder.”

*blink blink*  OH DUH. My Bad.
“ACUTE? as in bad? or ‘a cute’ as in a fuzzy puppy?”

He then told me he doesn’t think I have any idea how bad my situation is.   I replied that I thought I did because I was willing to do whatever it took to fix it.

They upped the meds. They increased the amount of meetings. They installed shock devices on the doors whenever I tried to leave.

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06
Mar
Complete and Utter rubbish, all of it.
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random

The American Idol guys truly suck this year.  Why am I even watching it?  The dude with the hair, does it not look like leeches attacked his forehead?  Those are NOT eyebrows, it is ALL the hair I have lost in the last month.
I really don’t want to see him doing the hula either.
Simon, can you please just stand up, throw your arms up in the air and say, “YOU ALL SUCK! GO HOME!” ? Please?

Tomorrow is the head doctor day.  I call him the head doctor because I don’t feel like pulling up the correct spelling of a doctor that talks to you and tells you are crazy.  Yeah, someone other than you guys get to listen to the stuff floating around in my head.

OH.MY.GOD, that reminds me.  I am officially freaked out by ANYONE driving a Dodge Ram truck! (Remember it was a Dodge Ram that blasted into the back of me and wrecked my van…and then drove off — I chased him, but didn’t catch him)  Anyway, tonight I was driving home and this Dodge Ram truck with extremely bright lights came flying up on my ass and it scared me so bad that I pulled over and let him go around me.  I guess this pissed him off because at the next stop light he put his truck into reverse while I was stopped behind him.  FREAKED ME OUT. I slammed my car into reverse ready to react, but he put it into drive and pulled forward when the light turned green.
I then did some hoobie joobie voodoo on his ball sack.

Oh yeah, I was telling you about the head doctor.  That’s tomorrow. I think I am going to mention my fear of Dodge Rams and how I am going to start a campaign to get them taken off the road. OR, I am going to install missile launchers on the back of my mini-van and hook them up to my windshield wipers so whenever a Dodge Ram decides to fly up on me, I can shoot those bastards right off the road.   Anyone know where I can pick up some leftover missiles?

Today was warm enough to grab the camera and head outside.  I put on my cutsie capri pants and headed out.  I noticed somewhere along the way I haven’t shaved my legs in about 4 months.  Dear Lord, I couldn’t decide if I was going to braid it or shave it.  It’s really amazing how long that hair can get.

Did I mention that AMERICAN IDOL SUCKS this year? It sucks, sucks, sucks.

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05
Mar
READ THIS! UPDATED!!
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
Due to a high amount of spam, and I mean…SPAMOLA FOR DAYS. 700 SPAM message in ONE DAY. SEVEN HUNDRED. I am going to have you all register to comment.

*throwing hands up in the air* I know, I know…it sucks. I hate registering it too, but those sneaky spam people are trying to trick me into letting the comments go through. Do you really want to be reading my blog and someone leaves a cute & witty comment and you click to see who this cute & witty person is and find yourself caught in linksOhell to porn sites and online Xanax?
If you really want good porn and Xanax, just email me personally and I will hook you up ;)

For those of you that refuse to register, I totally understand. Just know that my whole sanity depends on the wonderful comments you leave me. Yes, internet…my day revolves around what you have to tell me…YOU ARE MY ONLY ADULT CONVERSATION THROUGH OUT THE DAY. My link to people that talk to other adults during the day. My link to the outside world that doesn’t revolve around the Kipper theme song and hours of The Backyardagins.

Yes, that is the biggest guilt trip EVER to get you all to register and comment. I am shameless huh?

Oh good idea for SPF though: Your Luggage.

UPDATED PART:

So I woke up to 700 hundred emails saying, “HOW DO YOU REGISTER?”

*Throwing hands up in the air* I have no idea.

I went back and put it back the way it was because I love you more than I love Spam.

Comment away…and if you have any idea on what the hell I can do to get rid of the spam…TELL ME.

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04
Mar
Life’s a Twitch…
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random

It’s been 7 full days and my eye is still twitching.   I wake up to it twitching. I go to bed with it twitching.  The twitch is my constant companion during the day.  I have given it a name, “Twitchy”.  Original huh?

Thank you for all the emails and comments about the test results. My doctor emailed me and said, “You are good.”  I guess my thyroid is normal, which means I can no longer blame my weight on that.  My liver is good, which means I can totally start drinking like a sailor again.
Actually what it means is I have ruled out physical problems related to the anxiety, hair loss and other strange abnormalities I am finding.   Bring on the head doctors now!!

Tabitha has fallen in love with an apartment complex here in town that will open up for her in April.  We are securing daycare for Jeremiah.  Things are falling into place.   It’s been a crazy few months, but I believe that UPPERCASE GOD had his hand in each and every move along the way, so it worked out just the way it was sposta.

Kara got the lead in the school play, Alice in Wonderland.  OH.MY.GOD. We are all freaking out excited for her!  Go ahead and be freaked out excited for her too in the comment section.  My sister in law is already making her costume.
I’m thinking about getting one of those blue tooth video camera thingy do bobs.   I can’t afford it, but HELLO…LEAD IN SCHOOL PLAY!!

Of course, I suck at video taping.  Here is proof:  Click Here

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01
Mar
SPF: Did you pay attention to the link? it’s LEFT OVER
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
I linked this weeks SPF assignment (see, up there at the top? up there. Look? see it?)

It’s LEFT OVER.  That is your only assignment. Something left over.

I found lots of stuff left over, but my favorite were the pictures that never made it in the big, bad family photo albums…I can’t imagine WHY though.



This is Shaun. Isn’t he SO Beverly Hills 90210?  I love him because he was this cute when he was younger.



This is me looking OH SO BERSHON.

These are the left over pictures…what do you have ‘Left Over’ ???

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01
Mar
Posted By: randomandodd  //  Category: Random
On an ongoing battle to figure out what medications are working and what medications aren’t, I found myself at the doctor yesterday.
The last time I went to the doctor, my doctor wasn’t there. I had to deal with the guy that was retiring and becoming a doctor on a cruise ship. This time I insisted that the witch doctor was there to make sure everything went OK. He walked in while I was in the middle of reading about how K-fed and Justin are now friends and they are picking on Britney.
“How are things?”
and for the first time in a very long time, I didn’t say, “Oh, alright.” Because that is what I do. When someone asks how you’re doing, you never hear, ‘OH, I SUCK!”. You always hear, “I’m fine, how are you?”
I told him, “I’m Done.”
He listened while I went on and on about the hair falling out, the strange toe thing, the anxiety attacks, the blacking out, light headness and the eye twitching. I told him, “I don’t ever say this, so I want you to understand the magnitude of this sentence.”
He looked at me and stopped typing.
“I’m not OK. I’m not even close to being OK. I can’t take it anymore. I am done.” and then I burst into tears.

Did I mention how I don’t cry around people I don’t know? I don’t. I don’t like to show that weakness (thanks mom) and I only cry when I am calling my sister to beg her to find a way to pull me out of the hole I have dug myself into. If you’ve seen me cry, it was pretty rare and count yourself trusted.

I was waiting for the doctor to pull some feathered head wrap out from under the blood pressure monitor and for smoke to appear from under the examination table. It didn’t. He looked at me and said, “You need help.”
I wanted to say, “HERE’S YOUR SIGN!”, but instead I bobbed my head up and down and agreed to blood tests and a visit to the psychiatrist for next week.

There are three things in the world that gives me the heebie jeebies. 1. Sour Cream 2. Lawn Gnomes and the third is needles.
I don’t mind needles in voodoo dolls, in a dress being designed, in other people…but NOT in my arm.
It’s been nearly 9 years since I have had to have a needle in my arm. I went into Kaiser’s ‘den of blood drawing’ and found no cute little chair that reclines and pictures of unicorns on the ceiling. Nope, it was a damn industrial line of blood suckers. First thing she says, “No Whining.” and then says, “Wow, you’re getting a lot drawn.”

There is a reason I would have never made it as a drug user. I nearly pass out at the sign of needles. After it was done she taped some cotton ball on my arm and I walked out PISSED. I hate blood being drawn. It makes me woozy and scares the living bejeezus out of me. Also the bruising. I hate the bruising.

I will know more later and keep you posted on what the results are.

And for the people that are in the medical industry; WHAT THE HELL is that tape made of? I lost 3 layers of skin trying to get the damn shit off.

OK, here is what the results came back as. Don’t have a damn clue what they mean though:

Component Your Value Standard Range Flag
AST 18 10-40 U/L
ALT 17 <36-  U/L
CREATININE 0.76 <1.20-  mg/dL
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